Summary: Cordelia and Xander come to some conclusions together.
Spoilers: Mild through GD2, and some for season four.
Disclaimer: Not mine, all Joss's.
Rating: PG13

This one's for all of the LWDS's. < g > And, thanks to Tracy for her beta-ing
talents and her scary stories.

Xander knew that Cordelia was leaving the moment she looked at him after
graduation. He saw it in her eyes, a nice future, all mapped out. Something
different and away, something that didn't include him. He could see her
distancing herself in a way that she had never done before; not with insults
and pettiness, but with quiet determination. He could tell that she was
telling herself that these people didn't matter.

Even though he knew that she knew they did.

Things had gotten a little easier since they began speaking on the phone
regularly. The phone calls were only slightly different for the most part
but they came every night at the same time. The first night it surprised
him, but not after that. He had sat down on his bed and picked up a picture
of them, together, at the pier. As he stared down at it, he realized that it
was the happiest that they had ever gotten the chance to be. And then the
phone call rang and he was surprised, glancing at the clock and noticing that
it was almost midnight. He groaned-- his dad was going to be pissed if he'd
heard it-- and leaned over to pick it up.

"Hello?"

Her voice was soft. "Hey, Xander. Did I wake you?"

He arched his eyebrows, both at her considerate tone and the fact that he
hadn't heard from her on the phone since before they broke up. Leaning back
into his pillows, he replied with a smile, "Yes."

She giggled. "You're such a liar. What were you doing?"

"Oh, nothing much. I'm the most boring guy. Have no life. None at all," he
babbled, trying to figure out why she was calling.

"God!" she muttered. "Get a grip. I'm not calling to tell you that the
outfit you wore today was horrendous... Well, it was, but that's not why I'm
calling."

He smiled, a little more at ease. "So you're finally calling me God now?" He
barely stifled the snicker that was welling up in his throat as he imagined
her rolling her eyes at him like she used to.

"Shut up," she shot, annoyed.

"Witty," he murmured, raising his eyebrows. "So, why did you call then?"

The irritation fled from her voice and it got quieter, almost... shy? "I
just-- I wanted to talk. And I knew that you and everyone else in the group
had the weirdest sleeping habits imaginable, so I thought I might as well
grace you with my voice."

He laughed, and Cordelia was warmed by the sound, a sound that she missed
hearing every day. It was open, boyish, sweet. Her heart ached for a second
and then he replied, in that soft, sexy voice that she hadn't heard in so
long. "Well, I'm glad you did, Cordy."

It was a small, simple admission, but one that she was grateful for. And
every night after, she would call him at five minutes until midnight and they
would talk until dawn. He looked forward to her calls, craved them, even
though they saw each other frequently throughout the day.

That night was no exception, except that he knew what would finally be said.

Xander wasn't looking forward to it.

The phone rang and he picked it up, his eyes dark with sadness. He tried not
to let it shine through in his voice, and he answered with a bright, "Hey,
Queen O My Heart."

She laughed and then paused, listening to his breathing. "What's wrong?" she
finally asked.

He shook his head, even knowing that she couldn't see him. "I just know
what's coming, that's all."

Cordelia pursed her mouth in confusion. "And what's that?"

"That you're leaving," he replied shortly.

She started to laugh but quieted quickly when she realized why she had called
him. "Oh, Xander..." she sighed. "Yeah. I'm leaving. I've got it all
planned. How did you...?" She trailed off and he picked up the question.

"Know? I don't know, I guess I just did," he explained, a little bewildered
himself. "I knew it at graduation. Well, after. During, we were sort of
too busy demon killing."

"What tipped you?" she asked.

Xander licked his lips, thinking. "When we all walked away from the school
and I put my arm around you and you leaned into me. And you asked me to walk
you home. I don't know why, but that sort of told me that you were leaving."
He smiled to himself. "Maybe because I knew you wouldn't have let me touch
you if, in a short time, you weren't going to be gone."

"A last goodbye thing?" she mused dryly. "Well, no! I mean, yes, but no!
I'm leaving, but I don't want to be leaving you. ...Come with me, Xander."

"What?!" His eyes widened. "I just meant by that 'what' that I didn't
understand you and don't think I ever will."

She laughed lightly. "Well, that's good. I like being mysterious chic.
But... I mean, really, Xander. What would you stay for? Them? You?" Her
voice dipped. "You and I both know that you don't have the best life at
home. And you already said that you don't want to go to college."

"No," he corrected, "The colleges said that."

"Whatever. I'm not going to beg you, Xander. We could be roommates... Or...
something. Friends. If you wanted, it could be good."

"I do want, Cordy. But not the friends thing." He suddenly blushed, hearing
his words in his head. "What I mean is..."

She laughed again. "You want to swallow your foot before you try talking
again?" Her voice softened. "I know what you mean. Believe it or not, you
don't need to explain your thoughts every time you come out sounding like an
idiot," she teased. "Listen, why don't you not tell me now? I'm leaving in
two days..."

"Two days?!" he exploded.

"Yeah," she continued, undaunted. "Two. If you want to come, pack your
stuff and meet me at the park on Thursday around noon. If not... Well, I
guess we'll say goodbye tomorrow, and not have to dwell on it."

She sounded pretty confident, and Xander smiled gently. She waited for his
confirmation to the plan and was about to hang up when he gave it, but he
called her back.

"Cordelia?"

"Mm hmm?"

"I- I..."

She grinned to herself. "I do too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She didn't call him on Wednesday night, and he sat by the phone until dawn,
thinking. Cordelia was everything he had always sworn he had never wanted,
but she had turned into so much more than Xander had ever known she could be.
She was bright, funny, beautiful.

And he loved her. So why was it such a hard decision to make?

He sighed. Because of Buffy, Willow, Giles and Oz to name a few people.
Friends who had stood by him whenever he needed it, even when he didn't
deserve it. ...But the thought of Cordelia waiting for him made his head
feel light and his chest constrict hotly. When they touched, the world
slipped away.

How could something that special be thrown away, or even forgotten?

It couldn't be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cordelia would never tell anyone how hard it was not to call him the night
before she left. If he was there, he was, and if he wasn't... She didn't
even want to contemplate that. Xander meant almost everything to her, which
was something that scared her beyond reason. She didn't know how she had
managed to keep so calm while asking him, as her heart was hammering in her
ears.

So many people who mattered in her life didn't care about her. Her parents,
a lot of her "friends." Xander was the only one who really...

He was important to her. More important than family and money and clothes.
And for Cordelia, that was saying a lot. He didn't need her to be the prom
queen or the richest girl, or the prettiest. And for all of that, she was
comfortable with him, able to let him see things in her that she thought she
would never reveal.

She hummed to herself and finished packing before laying down into a restless
sleep. She didn't know what the morning would bring, and she was scared to
find out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cordelia's knuckles were clenched white as she drove to the park. She pushed
her sunglasses up, so that it held her hair back, and her eyes searched for
him. Taking an uneasy glance at the clock, she pulled up to the curb and
stepped out.

And Xander was there.

Cordelia's eyes drank him in, sitting on one of the swings in the old swing
set where they had fought as children. He smiled lazily at her and lifted
himself up, walking slowly to where she was.

But slowness didn't matter for much, she figured. She grinned brightly,
flashing white teeth at him and launched herself into his arms. Xander
caught her-- he would always catch her-- and swung her around as he laughed.
A perfect, fairytale moment, she thought dazedly as he set her down on the
ground. Perfect.

His face hovered above hers for a moment and then descended and it was as
great as it had ever been. Her arms tightened around his shoulders and his
hands held onto her waist as they kissed. It was fiery, disorienting,
everything they had both waited for and wanted. She pulled back, smiling,
looking up into the hazel eyes that she loved.

"Come on," she breathed, her eyes twinkling. "Let's get your bags and..."
Cordelia stopped and looked around, her eyebrows furrowing. "Where are your
bags, Xander?"

"I can't go, Cordy," he answered softly. Shooting a furious look at him, she
shoved him away from her and began stalking towards the car. He caught up
with her easily, grabbing her arms and spinning her around to face him.
"Cordelia! It's not because I don't want to," he whispered, still swayed by
the kiss.

She was trying to hold back tears and not doing a good job of it. "Then..."
she sniffled and then hardened her face. "Then why? Imagine I care."

"Cordelia, don't do that," he coaxed, his voice caressing her sweetly.
"I'm... needed here."

"You'd be needed there, too, you know," she pleaded softly.

"I know." He enfolded her in a crushing hug. "I know. But, this is where I
belong now. Only for now!" he rushed to explain. "And... Maybe, in a year
or so... If you still want me."

"You doofus. I'll always want you," she mumbled into his chest.

Xander kissed the top of her hair and finally pulled back. "And, it's not
like we can't visit or anything. I mean, you call me and I'm there. I'll
get Buffy to pick me up and run really fast to wherever you are or
something." He grinned and she gave an answering laugh.

"And..." he trailed off, looking at his feet. Shyly, he spoke. "I have
something for you. I mean, it's okay if you don't want it, but I thought, it
might give you something to remember."

"What is it?" She looked at him questioningly.

Xander fumbled around in his coat for a minute and then handed her an
unwrapped, shiny black box. She took the top off quickly, curious and her
eyes filled with new tears when she saw what laid inside.

It was a picture of them, that day on the pier so long ago.

Cordelia's arms were around his neck as he gave her a piggy back ride, their
smiles lighting up the day and everyone around them. Happy, in love and
knowing it, they playfully teased each other and their friends, fed each
other little pieces of food, cuddled together under a blanket on the grass
when the day cooled down.

The new, polished wooden frame caught Cordelia's eye and she looked down to
it, her eyes reading what was written there. "To take a little piece of me
wherever you go, my love," she read out loud.

A tear spilled onto the glass covering and she hastily wiped it away with her
hand, careful not to streak it. Her eyes, when she looked up, where haunted,
sad.

"Xander," she choked.

"Shhh..." He comforted her and pulled her body to his again and the frame
was pressed between them. She sobbed in his arms and he just continued
rubbing her back softly, soothing her, smoothing her hair back, kissing her
head. Finally her tears stopped and she looked up.

"I love you," she murmured, searching his eyes. "I love you for this
especially."

He smiled. "I love you too, Cordelia. And now, you'll never be lonely,
because I'll be there with you. At least a little bit of me will be."

"Just a little piece?" she asked, smiling.

His smile widened, quickly blossoming into a grin. "No. All of me."

"Forever?" she asked uncertainly.

"Yes." He nodded. "Forever."

The End

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