Summary: Angel writes Buffy a letter... A five minute fic.
Spoilers: Through the third season.
Disclaimer: Joss made the characters. He did it to torture me with what
could never be.
Rating: G
Feedback: I'd love some. Pretty please?
So many thanks go to Tracy, who is a fantastic friend. :)

My Dearest Buffy~

I don't know if I should be writing this, in fact, I probably shouldn't. And
I don't even know if you'll get it; be able to read it any time in the
future. It doesn't matter, I suppose. Maybe I'm writing for myself, to let
myself know that I tried to let you know how much you meant to me. How much
you still mean to me.

II keep thinking of the last night I was at your house-- When things were
still good between us, and neither of us questioned our relationship, or the
direction it was taking. I still want to be with you forever. To me, it's
obvious, but I worry that you're unsure of the fact.

Do you remember that night? The night I slept in your bed with you in my
arms. Your scent was everywhere, and I thought I might be in Heaven, or at
least as close to it as it's possible for a demon to get. I think of your
eyes and your kisses and your smile, all warm things that can't be spoiled
with any amount of the horrors you see. Not even by me, I hope, and what we
went through. It would be hard for me to accept that you're grieving over
the loss of having me in your life, though I'm grieving over the loss of you.

It's my fault, I know. I've put you through so much.

I'm sorry.

But when I got to thinking of how much you mean to me, only one thing kept
repeating itself in my mind. It's an old Chinese legend, of the nightingale
who fell in love with the white rose. The emperor, however, was jealous
because after the two fell in love, the nightingale saved its most beautiful
songs for the white rose.

He threatened to banish them from his kingdom, and from each other, for the
love between them was already forbidden, despite his feelings; A white rose
and a nightingale have no place to form their home, you see, rather like the
fish and the bird. Anyway, the nightingale and the rose were terrified of
losing the love they had, and they decided to consummate their feelings
before they parted forever.

However... Out of that secret, sacred union came something no one had ever
expected, or ever seen before.

The red rose.

So it stands that the red rose is the daughter of their tenderness for each
other.

This story reminded me of us, strangely enough. I don't know who I am in it;
I could be the emperor, I'm not sure. But I know that it was your love that
redeemed something in me that I could never achieve before. You brought me
to a state of grace that's still undefined.

I'm going to miss you, Buffy.

I'm writing these words tonight, and I'll leave tommorrow, if I'm still
alive. I know you will be because you're the strongest person I know, with
the strongest spirit and heart. You refuse to die, and though it's not my
place, I'm incredibly proud of you for that. I'm proud of you for a lot of
things.

Vampires don't cry very often, so mark this occasion if you like. I'm crying
now. It's a desperate need inside of me, screaming to be with you, that
makes me weep. To hold you close and inhale the scent of your perfume, kiss
you, make love to you, see you smiling at me in the sun. All of the things
that we can't do are the ones I most hope for someday. It may very well be
impossible, but sometimes, hope refuses to leave the heart.

I don't want you to wait for me.

I don't want to pin you to that. If you find someone who can love you
completely, I want you to be with him, like you're unable to be with me. I
know you love me and it's hard for me to write this now, but I don't ever
want you to hold back your emotions toward another man because you're hoping
for a relationship with me. This is partly why I'm leaving. I want you to
have every opening you can.

Please keep your heart open as well.

I don't think it would even be possible for me to describe how much I love
you; how much I will forever. Or what you are to me.

But I can say something, with absolute certainty. Though I don't know where
I fit in the legend, I know that you are all three of the most beautiful
characters.

You're the nightingale because your heart sings; you draw people in with the
fire inside of your soul, and make them love you-- Hopelessly and completely,
losing their heart inside of yours.

You're the white rose because you're pure. You have the cleanest soul of
anyone I've ever seen. Forgiveness and compassion are in the white rose, and
you have both. For others, but especially for me, and I thank you for that.
I beg that you forgive me, or that you can in time, for leaving you.

And, finally, you are the blossom that came from their hidden passion
together. You're strong willed and smart, and more beautiful than anyone
could imagine, until they've seen you. And then your face will float through
their heads so many times a day until they are seeing you every sleeping and
waking moment, wondering what your perfume is, wondering how you got that
sparkle that makes you so unbelievable.

I love you, Buffy.

You're the red rose, Beloved.

Always~
Angel

The End

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