Summary: Oz's pov in "seduction: the scene from Amends
Spoilers: Through Amends
Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine, no matter how much I wish they were. < sigh > They belong to Joss Whedon and the WB I have to live with borrowing them for my stories.
Rating: Ummm.... Maybe TVPG

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I Just Wanted You To Know was nominated for a 1999 Golden Frog Award in the category of Best Representation of a Character other than Willow (for Oz)

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I grabbed the videos off the seat in my van and slammed the door on my way out. Sighing, I headed to the house where I felt both comfortable and uneasy lately. I tired not to think about the fact the the night could very well get awkward really quickly. We hadn't kissed again yet. Though I had relished the feel of her pressed in my arms, I hadn't been able to shake the image of her lying on top of Xander, her mouth touching his when it should only have been touching mine. I didn't like to think that I was the kind of person who couldn't let go. I was just taking it slowly, I assured myself.

I hated to see Willow fidget with her hands as though she didn't know what to say to me-- We had always known what to say to each other. But still, even with the amount of stress that was going on between us, I didn't regret my decision to give a relationship with her another chance. My heart wouldn't have forgiven me otherwise.

I got to the door and reached out to knock when I noticed a small pink paper taped to the front of it. I peered closer. Willow's handwriting. "Oz-- Please let yourself in. I'm in the living room. Love, Willow." I shrugged, wondering, but tugged on the knob anyway, letting myself in. I entered the house to the sound of a soft saxophone that made me think of a steamy, smoky jazz club. Slightly confused, I called out.

"Willow? I got videos..." I turned the corner of the hallway into the living room and fell silent as my eyes took in the sight the greeted me.

Willow, sitting on the couch, dressed in a low cut flaming red dress. The music continued to sizzle through my mind as I started to have thoughts that I shouldn't have been having. She was gorgeous. My eyes flicked to the numerous candles arranged throughout the room, some fat and drippy, some tall and new. All of them scented, I think. The room smelled faintly of musk and vanilla.

There was an ice bucket with two sodas placed in it romantically. My eyes moved back over Willow, and I tried to refrain from letting them leave her face to look at the rest of her. I lost. She had the best legs.

She patted the sofa nervously. "Hi! Why don't you come... s-sit down?"

I slowly walked over to where she was, lowering myself on the furniture. Different music came on the stereo. It had a slight sexy twang to it before the man spoke out, his voice a rich baritone. "I've heard people say... That too much of anything is not good for you, Baby..." My mouth quirked up. The whole setting had sent my mind reeling.

I hesitantly spoke. "You ever have that dream where you're in the middle of the play, and you really don't know your lines, and you kinda don't know the plot?" I looked at her sideways again, limiting my view to her expression.

"Well, " she started softly, "we're alone, and we're together, and I just wanted it to be special." Her eyes were making it hard to concentrate, the green was so pronounced and startling.

I found my voice. "How special we talkin'?"

"Well, you know. We're alone," she repeated. "And we're both mature... younger people. And... And so we could... I'm ready to. With you." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "We could do that thing." I half smiled, mostly out of shock, and stood, taking in a deep breath. "Where are you going?" Her voice was unsure all of the sudden. But I didn't think it had been really sure to begin with.

This was really something, I acknowledged. I mean, for her to want, and be willing to do this with me, even if it was for the wrong reasons touched my heart. "No not going," I said, still trying to figure out what to say. "Just a dramatic gesture. That's-- That's pretty special."

She stood and I found myself looking into her extraordinary eyes again. "Oz, I want to be with you. First." She waited for my reaction. My knees were suddenly having trouble with standing straight as I fought against being an animal and letting the images that sentence conjured roam freely through my mind. Willow, her hair mussed, breathing heavily. Willow, rapt concentration on her flushed face. I spoke before I let myself think about it anymore.

"I think we should sit down again." We sat.

"Oz? I-I'm ready," she said. But I knew that if she really had been, there would have been no difficulty saying that, and no uncertainty on her face. She was doing this solely for me. My heart twisted again. I looked at the fire in the hearth, trying to gather my thoughts and words.

"Okay. Well. Don't take this the wrong way. But... I'm not." Her eyes warmed with concern. Concern over me.

"Are you scared?" she asked. "'Cause I though you had--" I cut her off, not wanting to be reminded of something that I had done when I hadn't been ready. Something that I had done with the wrong girl.

"I have... But this is different. I mean, you look great, you know, " I hurried to assure her when I saw a tiny bit of hurt flash across her face. " And you got the... " I tried to place the singer that I knew would have been familiar under normal circumstances. "Barry working for you. And it's all.... good. But, when it happens, I want it to be because we both *need* it to, for the same reason. You don't have to prove anything to me." I finished, and looked at her more intently. Now that I had said all of it, I allowed myself to look harder at her and wonder what she was thinking.

"I just wanted you to know..." Willow trailed off and my heart tugged again. I felt my throat constrict with tears over what she had tried to do for me.

"I know." I smiled at her, emotions I hadn't felt in weeks drugging my system. "I get the message."

Her sweet smile lit the dim room and I was overwhelmed with gladness that we were together again; That she was mine. I finally believed her.

She leaned in and I knew she was going to kiss me. I gently shoved the horrible memories out of my mind and resolutely locked them away as her lips touched mine, ever sweetly and softly. I raised my hand to her face and tangled my fingers in her hair as the kiss deepened, her tongue touching my own.

Her hands wound themselves around my neck and all of the sudden I was laying half on top of her, her little frame pressed against the couch. Her hands insistently caressed my back and I found myself kissing her cheeks, her neck. Her shoulders tasted like strawberries and smelled like vanilla and I littered kissed on them. Our legs tangled together, and I finally pulled myself out of the embrace laughing. Willow looked at me questioningly.

I explained. "Didn't we just say something to the effect that we were going to wait for a while?" She laughed too.

"Yeah, I guess. I was just having a little too much fun to think about it." Her eyes were glittery and the green glowed dark with mystery and promises. I caught the hint of invitation in her sentence, and thought about giving in to the temptation of it all, but decided to wait for another time.... Preferably when we weren't in her parents house.

"Me too," I said, kissing her nose. She wrinkled it and smiled at me and I disentangled my legs from hers and struggled into a sitting position. She pulled herself up, too, and kissed me intimately once more before rubbing her hands together in anticipation.

"What movies did you bring?" I smiled.

"I brought My Stepmother Is An Alien and A Summer Place." Her grin, relaxed and happy was something that I hadn't seen in a while, even right before walking in on her and Xander. I sat back and enjoyed watching her eyes light up with a smile.

She got up to turn off the stereo. I breathed a sigh of relief. More saxophone had started, and it was bringing not so gentlemanly things into my head. She walked over to the candles on the mantle and looked at them a moment before deciding to leave them lit. I grinned at her as she made her way back over to me.

"Well, they were so pretty... Did you say A Summer Place?" I nodded and handed it to her. She straightened her shoulders in pride.

"I know the whole theme to it. I used to play it on the piano," she informed me proudly. I laughed as I remembered something I had said to Devon a long time ago.

"Do you happen to have a feather boa around here anywhere?" I asked, still chuckling. She lifted her hand in a casual gesture upstairs.

"Yeah, there is one in my closet. When I was little I dressed up like a fairy princess and I seemed to think that the boa would really make me one. Boy, I threw a total fit until my mom gave in and bought it for--" She stopped when I burst into laughter. Suddenly suspicious, she peered at me. "Why?"

Trying to control my laughter, I shrugged. "You must have been a cute little girl." I grinned innocently and she socked my arm lightly before smiling and leaning back against me. I put my arm around her as she pressed Play on the remote. For the next few hours, we were oblivious to anything but the movies and each other.

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As the credits rolled on the second movie, Willow got up to pop out the video. I yawned and stood, looking reluctantly at the clock. I didn't want to leave, but it was nearing midnight and I knew that Willow was getting tired. She walked over to me and kicked off her heels, placing her arms around my back in a close hug and leaning her chin on my shoulder. I held the back of her head and turned towards her, the smell of her hair making me a little dizzy. She smelled like heat and warmth. Two different things, so often confused as similar, made my heart pound. I pulled back slightly and she looked deeply into my eyes, her lips catching mine in a surprise kiss.

Nothing she did was predictable.

Hands grasped at my clothing, pulling my jacket off in a quick movement. I smiled as she faltered for a second before leaning into the kiss more. Her mouth turned up against mine and I felt a small smile lift her features. I felt her tongue play with mine and I grinned wider at her newfound courage and held her tightly in my arms.

As I felt the warmth of her skin grow to a boiling temperature under my palm, I snapped into my senses. Still in her parent's house. Oh yeah.

Breaking the kiss was almost painful, and by the time I did, we were both breathing heavily and flushed. The shoulder of her dress had slid down further by the pressure of my hands and I gazed at the pale white gold of the skin on her arm and upper chest for a minute before sliding the cloth back into a more covering position. She looked a little disappointed for a second and my stomach tightened at the eagerness I saw in her eyes. It was okay, though. I had told her once that I could wait. That meant about everything.

She nodded and smiled gently at me, accepting that it wasn't the time. "You're always going to be a gentleman with me, aren't you, Oz?" I grinned wickedly and winked, not entirely able to control the part of me that didn't really want to be so gentle of a man.

"Yeah," I murmured reluctantly. "Until it's time not to be," I added.

She laughed. "Thanks. I look forward to it." She blushed. "I mean, you know, I look forward to spending so much time with you... Not that I don't look forward to... I mean..... Oz, how many times have I asked you to not let me do that?"

"Oh, more than I can remember. But that never stops me from letting you." Her soft touch warmed my heart as she smiled and took my hand to lead me to her room.

As we entered, I looked around warily. I didn't think I was strong enough if she planned on making another attempt.... She was too beautiful. I wanted her too much.

Willow went behind a standing shade and I saw her silhouette as she peeled off her dress. I gulped hard. Turning around to look at her teddy bear collection, I heard lots of clothes moving around... Being removed. Oh, look, a white bear! I tried to keep my mind off of what she was doing.

A sudden tap of my should made me knock three of her bears over. Iturned slowly, giving her the opportunity to cover herself. I saw her, and as my eyes met hers I smiled.

She was wearing long johns and a long sleeved nightshirt, her socks tucked under her pants. Leading me over to the bed, she laid down and pulled me beside her. I was still smiling, though I was unsure of what she was planning. Laying down beside her, she smiled and reached up to kiss me lightly before curling against me. Sighing in slight relief and something else, I wrapped my arms around her and we settled in to go to sleep.

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I woke up to Willows sharp intake of breath. She was looking out her windows, rapt attention on her face. I looked out.

Snow was falling. Soft, white snow was falling past the window and covering the ground quickly. At the same time, we rose from the bed and crept over to the window. I glanced at the clock. Though it was past seven in the morning, there wasn't a hint of sun in the sky, it was still as dark as it was last night.

My eyes flicked to Willow, who pulled the curtain out of the way so she could get a closer look. A delighted smile brightened her face and she looked like a child on her birthday. Words formed in my mind and I spoke them without thinking.

"I love you." She turned to me, surprised. Though I had said things that meant the same thing, I had never actually said those words before. Her eyes sparkled with sudden, unshed tears.

"I love you, too.... But?" She looked at me, wanting to know what had brought it on.

I murmured her earlier words.

"I just wanted you to know."

The End

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