Summary: Cordelia has a secret admirer after she moves to LA.
Spoilers: Minor through the third season.
Disclaimer: Joss created them. Therefore, it's his fault I'm writing this.
Rating: PG13
Feedback: Yum.
Thanks to Tracy, for beta-ing. Yay! Tracy's back!! g>
Author's Note: This is the response to Melissa's Lyric Challenge. She just
had to go and get all weird on me, picking Beautiful Stranger for my song.
lol.

I felt almost nothing for months after I left. That and this horrible
overwhelming loneliness that I've never really had to deal with before. I
mean, ever since I was a little girl, I had friends and was popular. Even
when I dropped out of the cool clique, I was rarely lonely. I had Xander,
and the whole group.

But ever since I got to LA, things changed.

Don't get me wrong, I love working with Angel. Though it might do his soul a
little bit of good to relax once in a while. Except he really can't, so
never mind. And he's a good friend. My only friend, I think, because I
consider Doyle a little bit too odd to be a friend of mine, though he's
helped me out on more than one occasion. Even though Angel is way too
brooding and dark, he's there for me too, if I really need it. But I just
felt like... He wasn't what I needed.

What I needed was home.

Home. Every time I thought that, for so long, I trembled with this intense,
scary desire to be there. To see the streets I knew so well, the playground
I used to play at, the high school I helped blow up. Anything familiar,
anything I knew as something I could lay a little claim to. Here, there's
nothing. Different streets, smells, people, worries. Different everything,
and that was terrifying to me.

And then, one day when I sat in my office, Angel came strolling in with that
little smirk of his. He locked eyes with me.

"You have something in the mail, Cordelia," he said, almost amused, before
breezing into his office nonchalantly.

Of course I wondered at his strange behavior, because I had a steady stream
of mail, from Buffy and Willow, and even Xander. Though I never really
opened any of it. I told myself that I was too busy, and maybe I would read
it all later. That never ended up happening, and it slowly collected dust in
a little box.

After sitting for a moment in silence, wondering at Angel, I got up and
slowly walked over to the door. The mailbox is directly outside of it, and I
was curious as to how I could have missed a letter when I came in that night.


But it wasn't a letter that was waiting for me.

It was a beautiful crystal vase, filled with blood red roses.

I could only stare at it in confusion. My first thought went to Angel and I
recalled that little smile he gave me. But no, no way really. He did
nothing other than save the world and think about Buffy. My next thought
went to Doyle. Again, the answer couldn't be yes. He's pretty cool for
someone who's undead, but he doesn't have a thoughtful bone in his body.

And then my thoughts, no matter how hard I tried to lead them away, went to
Xander. He had done some romantic things for me once or twice. Perfect,
movie-like romantic things. Why not roses? I smiled slowly, liking the
idea-- loving the idea, to be honest-- and leaned down to smell them.

Their perfume lingered in the air and I lifted the vase carefully, not
wanting to drop it. It looked expensive. Walking back inside, I set it down
on my desk and gazed at it for a few minutes, before a small white card,
hidden among the blooms, caught my eyes. My fingers plucked it out and I
tore it open ungracefully, giving myself a paper cut as I did so. I sucked
on my wound and read the card.

~~You looked beautiful today, and I wished I could have approached you. But
you seemed so far away, like your heart was guarded and wouldn't respond to
mine, so I'm sending these to melt the sadness that surrounds you. Love,
Mystery.~~

My brows furrowed and my heart fell. Not Xander. Not only were the words
too cheesy and mushy to be from my ex-boyfriend, but the guy had said he'd
seen me. I knew for a fact that Xander was in Sunnydale, at that very
moment.

Wasn't he?

I suddenly wasn't so sure. I snatched up the phone and dialed out, to
Giles's apartment, where the new hangout had been since the library exploded.
A girl's voice, feathery with laughing answered.

"Uh, Buffy?" I tried.

"Yeah. Oh, hey, is this Cordelia?" she asked brightly. I mumbled a yes.
"Where have you been? I mean, we've all been sending you letters and stuff."

"Oh..." I cleared my throat, feeling oddly embarrassed. "I've been really
busy here. I just haven't gotten the chance to write back yet. But thanks
for them," I said hastily.

I heard Willow in the background, saying something about Xander, and my heart
tightened. Buffy burst into giggles at whatever it was that Willow said, and
then turned her attention back to me. "So, what's up?"

"I was just..." I didn't know how to begin, how to ask. "I was just
wondering if everything was good there. I can't talk long, but are things
going okay?"

Buffy stifled a laugh at that. "As well as could be expected, I guess."

"And... Everyone?"

"Everyone's fine, Cordy," she laughed. "And here."

"There?" I asked faintly.

"Yep! We're all here. Sorry I keep laughing in your ear, but Xander has
more food in his mouth than the rest of us eat in a week. Do you want to
wait, and you can talk to him in a minute? I mean, if he ever swallows?" she
offered.

I shook my head, though she couldn't see me. "No. I need to get going.
Thanks, Buffy. Hi to everyone."

"Okay. Bye Cordelia."

"Bye."

We disconnected, and again I felt completely alone. And then I looked at the
velvety petals of my new flowers, and knew that someone was thinking about
me, wondering what I was doing.

It made me feel a little better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The roses started coming every day. It came to a point where I looked
forward to them, where even the thought of them made me happy. Which, if you
think about it, is sort of pathetic. I hounded Angel with questions, because
I was sure he knew who was sending them, I even tried to catch Mystery leave
them, but somehow, he always managed to elude me.

His letters became longer, talking of things that he hoped would happen. I
started to wonder, shallow as it sounds, if he wasn't handsome or something.
I mean, why else would he not want to meet me face to face? I put that
thought out of my mind immediately, though. Someone with his words and class
and taste had to be handsome. And even if he wasn't....

Even if he wasn't, I was still falling in love with him.

He seemed to know me so well. Sometimes little trinkets would accompany the
roses. One time it was a velvet hair ribbon, the kind you plait through your
hair. Another time it was a delicate bracelet that glimmered silver, with
little silver rose charms hanging from it. The gifts were always thoughtful,
always romantic. But always mysterious, which I suppose is why he called
himself Mystery.

I started to dream of him. I gave him Xander's face, because that was all I
had known of love until then. He would come up to me as give me that little
bashful smile that I had always loved on Xander, and touch my cheek shyly.
"I'm sorry it took me so long to come up to you, Cordelia," he would say
huskily, staring into my eyes. I would just nod and smile and slip myself
comfortably into his arms.

"As long as you're here now, it's okay," I would reply, and we would kiss.

Perfect dreams, a little saccharine around the edges, started to haunt me
every night, and I lived in an entire dream world with him. One night, in my
dreams, Mystery got down on one knee and proposed to me. He looked up from
where he was, his hazel eyes shimmering through the mist, and lifted the hand
that held the little box.

"Cordelia," he said, reaching out. My name on his lips always made me
tremble with love for him, and I was experiencing something like adoration.
I had never been the kind of girl to be so infatuated with someone that I
couldn't stand to be without them for a minute, not even with Xander.

But I turned into that type of girl as I took the box from him and opened it.
A glittering diamond rested inside and I let tears fall down my face as I
nodded. Mystery stood up and took my hand, sliding the ring onto my finger.
"This is a yes, then?" he said, smiling.

I smiled back, widely, with tears still falling down my face. "It's a hell
yes."

And he would laugh, a laugh that would rumble through my body as he held me
close, and he would twirl me around in the air. I was so happy there, in my
dreams, with Mystery. There was only one problem.

It was only in my dreams.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I thought about that on my way to work, coming to a decision which led me
into Angel's office. I closed the door behind me soundly, and Angel turned
away from the window to look at me with raised eyebrows. "Is something
wrong, Cordelia?"

I sat down heavily on his little couch and rested my face in my hands. "Sort
of," I mumbled.

He sat up. "What is it?" he asked. After a moment of my silence, he coaxed,
"You can tell me anything, if you want to."

I sighed, finally looking up at him. "I know, Angel. Sorry. It's just...
I'm having a love affair with Mystery, and I don't even know what he looks
like. I dream about him every night, and I give him Xander's face because...
I guess I still have feeling for Xander a little bit, and I don't think
that's fair of me. Except that Mystery is making me fall more and more in
love with him. And how can I really be in love with him if I can never
touch him or hear his voice or see the way his hair falls in his eyes?" I
said it all in a rush, the words bursting out of me and getting increasingly
wavering as I went on.

Angel stood up and walked over to the couch, sinking into it next to me. He
took my hand and patted it. "Maybe he's... nervous. Maybe he's afraid,
because he's built himself up so much in your eyes, and he doesn't want to
disappoint you," he offered.

My eyes locked with Angel's. "Are you Mystery?" I blurted.

He laughed. "Sorry. I'm not. And I can't tell you who is." He paused,
looking trapped. "I mean, I couldn't even if I knew."

My eyes widened as I stared at Angel. He had known all along. I could feel
it. I licked my lips, which were suddenly dry. "Angel, who is he? ...Will
I be disappointed?"

Angel looked away, letting out an airless sigh. Those sighs had become
regular, but they never ceased to freak me out. At length, he spoke. "I
don't think you will. Just remember that he's not as perfect as the guy in
your dreams. He makes mistakes, he's human."

"He's human?" I asked, smiling. Angel gave me a small grin and nodded.
"And, Angel, the guy in my dreams is Xander," I pointed out, giggling. "I
doubt that Xander's perfect, but I loved him just the same."

Angel's eyes took on a faraway look and then he snapped back to reality,
glancing at me. "Well, if you want, I'll let him know how much you want to
meet him. Maybe he could let you know his identity little by little or
something."

I nodded, almost happy. "Thanks."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I felt like I was walking around asleep for the next few days. No more roses
came, and though I asked Angel why, he didn't have an answer for me except,
"Maybe he's scared." And I didn't know what that meant.

Then, as I was about to go home one night about a week later, Angel handed me
a little slip of paper. I looked at him curiously, and he shrugged.

"He's agreed to it. Tomorrow night at nine. Take the time off," he told me
casually. "That's the address of the restaurant where he's set up the
meeting."

I looked down at the paper. "The meeting," I whispered. "It sounds so...
businesslike."

My mind still on that word, I picked up my bag and my keys and started for
the door. Halfway there, Angel caught my arm and looked at me seriously.
"Be careful, Cordelia."

What?? "What??"

He cleared his throat. "Be careful. He's human and I know he's... wildly in
love with you to say the least, but if you're in love with him as much as you
say you are, he could break your heart. Even without meaning to. ...Just be
sure that he's what you want, okay?"

I smiled and hugged Angel briefly, ignoring the startled look on his face
when he pulled back. "He is. I'm sure of it."

Angel gave me a smile and then slipped into his office as I left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stumbled around in a haze the next day. I was worried and nervous. What
if he met me and didn't feel the same way about me as I did about him? What
if it was me who fell out of love? There were too many what ifs. I felt
like he had taken control of my soul and almost like I was trapped into
loving him, though I had gone into it with a free heart. An open heart,
even. A willing heart.

I wanted to be loved. By him.

Whoever he was.

I drove up in my little car, to the designated place we were to meet. The
restaurant was nice, too nice for me to afford anymore, the kind of place I
would have felt at home in merely a year ago. I let myself sit in my car for
a minute, just thinking, just listening to myself breathe. Was *I* ready to
meet him? Was I ready to give up the fantasy, the mystery of it all?

I looked at myself in my rearview mirror, at the ribbon in my hair that
complimented my face and skin tone so well. Then I glanced down at the
bracelet on my wrist that was glimmering in the light from the street lamp.
I took a deep breath.

Yes. I was ready.

I got out of the car slowly, letting my dress slide down my leg. I was
wearing one of the only dresses I had taken with me, my prom dress. I wasn't
as tan as I had been when I wore it the first time, so it went a little
better with my coloring, and I had gained the weight that I had lost when I
found out that I was poor, so it fit me even better, too. I knew I looked
great. My hair was piled up on top of my head, with little wisps falling
down my neck. I had spritzed on some of the perfume Xander had given me
once, and I sent a little thought to Xander, hoping he wouldn't mind.

The lighting in the restaurant was dimmed. The host looked at me and smiled.
He leaned forward and whispered, "Miss Chase?"

I was surprised. What had Mystery done, reserved the whole place for one
night? Still confused, I nodded and he led me to a table in the back.
Mystery was seated there, dressed in a tuxedo, but his face was covered with
shadows. I sat opposite him and studied the darkness, but I couldn't tell
anything. Not his expression, not a bit about his looks.

He whispered. "Hello."

I looked around awkwardly, shifting in my chair. "Hi. ...Is there a reason
I can't see you?"

"Yes. I could tell you, but what's the fun in that?" he asked, still
whispering.

Something wiggled in the back of my brain at that small joke and I smiled at
him, things slowly piecing their way together. "I guess there isn't fun in
it. Are you a fun guy?"

Mystery gave a soft chuckle. "Some have told me that. But not in the
mushroom way."

I laughed lightly, suddenly sure of what I was thinking. I leaned closer,
and took his hand. His grip was warm in mine, firm and smooth.

Like I remembered.

"So, how did you afford all of this?" I asked.

"What?" he asked blankly.

"I was just wondering how you afforded all of this. For weeks. A dozen
roses every day, jewelry, things that you knew I would like. I don't mean
this in a bad way, Xander, but you've never been the richest guy in the
world," I pointed out.

Xander laughed nervously. "What makes you think I'm Xander?" he asked in his
own voice, forgetting to whisper, even though I had become familiar with his
whisper a long time ago, in the dark closets of Sunnydale High.

I grinned. "That joke. Perfectly Xander, in a cheesy sort of way." I
hesitated for a moment, thinking back. "And your letters stopped, right
after the roses started. You seemed to know me so well, talking about the
things you hoped for us in your letters. Actually, they're the only things
that confused me. They didn't seem really you. And after the first roses, I
called Sunnydale, and Buffy said you were there..."

He let out a sigh and moved his chair closer to mine. His face was suddenly
washed in the low romantic light of candles, and I resisted the urge to touch
it fondly. He had gone through so much these past weeks, just to please me.
No wonder it had been him I saw in my dreams.

"Well," he started slowly, "Angel helped me with the letters. I gotta hand
it to him, he's pretty good with the poetry stuff. And Buffy and Willow knew
what I was doing here, so they promised to pretend that I was with them if
you called to find out. I'm surprised they didn't end up telling you; they
kept teasing me about it before I left."

I smirked. "They were a little hyper on the phone," I noted.

"Yeah. Well, you know how I've been saving up to get out of Sunnydale?" he
asked. I suddenly remembered something that he had told me when we were
dating, a whispered confession one time after his father had made him watch
as he hit his mother.

"Yes," I whispered. "You told me that you were getting out of that town as
soon as school ended, that you had been saving up for years... You asked me
to come with you."

He nodded. "Right. So, when we broke up, I decided to tour the country.
Only, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that it would be good for
me.... You weren't going to be there, and I just wasn't enthused. So..."

"You wasted all of your money on me?!" I cried.

He bristled, looking away. "I didn't think of it as wasting," he murmured in
a low, almost dangerous voice.

I backtracked quickly, not wanting to hurt his feelings. "I just mean," I
amended softly, "That you've been saving up for years, Xander. You didn't
need to woo me. Chances are, I would have been happy to see you."

He laughed dryly. "Is that why you never opened any of the letters I sent?
Angel told me about your letter box. Your unopened letter box."

I shook my head. "Not at all. It's just... I was so lonely for so long,
and I guess I thought that the letters would make it worse. Reading what you
guys wrote me and not being able to be a part of what was going on. I missed
everything. Everyone." I looked around. "But you didn't have to do all
this. If I'm honest... I don't feel very comfortable with you being so
charming and all."

He stood, grinning that little-boy-grin that I loved, and tossed his napkin
on the table. "Wanna blow this joint?" he asked, offering his hand to me.

I took it with a smile and stood, stepping closer to him than I needed to.
"More than anything."

Our eyes caught, and I tilted my head up at the same time he dipped his down.
Our mouths melted together in the sweetest kiss we had ever had, the
hottest, the most meaningful. He threaded his arms around my waist and held
me close as the music from the violinist swelled and we kissed in the middle
of a fancy restaurant. It was perfect.

It was Xander.

We pulled away from each other and he took my arm like a gentleman, leading
me out of the restaurant and into the darkness of the night. For once the
sky was clear of the smog that almost always seemed to hang overhead, and we
could see the stars. As we walked to his car, silent, I realized that I
didn't need mystery.

This was much better.

The End
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Haven't we met
You're some kind of beautiful stranger
You could be good for me
I have a taste for danger
If I'm smart then I'll run away
But I'm not so I guess I'll stay
Heaven forbid
I take my chance on a beautiful stranger

I looked into your eyes
And my world came tumbling down
You're the devil in disguise
That's why I'm singing this song
To know you is to love you

You're everywhere I go
And everybody knows
To love you is to be part of you
I head for you with tears
And swallow all my pride
Dah-dah-dah-de dah-de-dah-de dah dah dah-dah-dum
Beautiful stranger
Dah-dah-dah-de dah-de-dah-de dah dah dah-dah-dum
Beautiful stranger

If I'm smart then I'll run away
But I'm not so I guess I'll stay
Haven't you heard
I fell in love with a beautiful stranger

I looked into your face
My heart was dancing all over the place
I'd like to change your point-of-view
If I could just forget about you
To know you is to love you

You're everywhere I go
And everybody knows
I looked into your eyes
And my world came tumbling down
You're the devil in disguise
That's why I'm singing this song to you
To know you is to love you

You're everywhere I go
And everybody knows
I head for you with tears
And swallow all my pride
Dah-dah-dah-de dah-de-dah-de dah dah dah-dah-dum
Beautiful stranger
Dah-dah-dah-de dah-de-dah-de dah dah dah-dah-dum
Beautiful stranger
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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