Summary: A spoof fic, if you will. Also, if I can take the credit for
being nobel, I am trying to make a statement about how evil Joss can be
sometimes. <g>
Spoilers: Nothing specific, but let's say all to be safe.
Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine, no matter how much I wish they
were. <sigh> They belong to Joss Whedon and the WB I have to live with
borrowing them for my stories.
Rating: You watch the show, this is fine.
Thanks to Laura and Mel for helping me with names. :)
And an extra special Muhaha for the others I traumatized with pushing this
at them.
by: Amy
Faith looked at Principal Snyder appealingly.
"I know we aren't supposed to until I turn eighteen, Honey, but just this once? Couldn't we? I mean, it's not like anyone would know or care...." Her voice dripped syrup.
He faltered under her unwavering stare. "Faith.... I don't know if you know this, but I'm a virgin. There has been no woman who has wanted me, because well.... I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not especially pleasant or good-looking." Faith widened her eyes at his words, shock soaking her face.
"I don't believe you, Felix. How can someone who kisses.... Well, we haven't kissed, but how can someone who likes Star Trek so much be a virgin??" She dropped her gaze, embarrassed.
"Nevermind... It doesn't matter to me that you've never had sex before. I want you now, and nothing will change that." Faith leaned up to kiss his neck, wrinkling her nose at the smell that permeated from his skin. Pushing him down on the desk in his office, she made him forget his doubts.
<cue cheesy horror music >
Dun Dun DUUUUNNNNNNN......
On the other side of the school, there was evil brewing. That was because in the Sunniest of Dales, it was in all actuality, the home of big brewin' evil. (Okay, I admit that that sentence didn't make much sense on account of grammar and such, but it's my story, and I don't care! So, Hmph.)
Willow walked into the library to see Xander clutched in the arms of Cordelia.
"Xander! I thought you loved me!!! What about those kisses.... Those nights of wild passion? You said that you were mine forever. I didn't think that meant until the next time Cordy wanted a man," she cried.
Cordelia looked at Xander, stunned, and yanked herself out of his arms. "You bastard!" Slapping him so hard her hand stung, she spun on her heel and ran out of the library.
Willow approached him, a grim smile lifting her features. She wiped away the tears she had conjured as she walked. "See, Xander. That should teach you to never ever ignore me for seventeen years again."
His eyes filled with tears as Willow wrapped her arms around his neck and cooed in his ear. "Oh, sweet Xander. You know I only did it for you.... I would never have lied like that if it wasn't something important, and you know it."
He nodded, surrendering weakly (like the weakling he was) to her embrace.
<cue cheesy horror music >
Dun Dun DUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!
Oz walked in on them like that, staring in shock, the fear of it all making him blink back stinging tears.
"Faith, Mr.... Mr. Snyder! I thought... I thought our appointment was at eight!"
(Okay, okay, not very plausible, an appointment with the principal at eight at night, but why are you badgering me so?!)
Faith looked at him squarely, not bothering to cover herself. "I'm sure it was. And since Felix here is having trouble cutting it, why don't you help?"
Oz looked back at her, a slow smile creeping on his face. "I think I could manage that. Principal-- Felix, have I ever told you that I've always found you very attractive?"
The principal put his hand over his mouth, startled. "No. But.... I think I could learn to live with that."
<cue cheesy horror music >
Dun Dun DUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!
Angel and Buffy woke together in each other's arms. Buffy sighed deeply.
"This is probably the only happiness we'll get for a while. I mean, the way Joss writes us, though the storylines are watchable, I'll end up sleeping with-- gag-- Scott, and you'll end up sleeping with Cordelia. Angel, why do you have to leave me?"
He looked into her eyes, coffee brown meeting blue-green. "It's not my choice, Beloved. You're my all. When I'm around you, I don't need to want life anymore. I feel yours. You make my heart beat." His eyes dropped.
"But there are things we can't control. I don't want to leave you. I want to stay with you for all time. But I can't. " Wiping away a stray tear from her face, he looked at her steadily. "But I swear to you. No matter how Joss portrays me on that new show, I will love only you. Never Cordelia, never Faith, never Drusilla, nor any of the other females he brings into my life. You keep my heart with you."
She looked at him, a slight smile flickering over her lips. His heart clenched with love. "How long have you found Cordelia and Faith attractive?" She murmured.
Angel laughed, kissing both their worries away.
The phone rang, interrupting them. Angel growled softly as Buffy broke the kiss and picked up the reciever. After listening a minute, she gave a huge, relived sigh. She turned to Angel to give him the good news.
"Guess what? Giles just killed that monster we had been so afraid of for a while. He did it all by himself."
"What monster?" Angel inquired curiously.
"Whedonia."
"Ah! Wow, lucky us. " Suddenly Buffy giggled. "What?"
"Well," she murmured against his mouth. "He didn't *sound* too "by himself. I wonder who he was with.....
<cue cheesy horror music >
Dun Dun-- Oh, you guys get it by now.
That's all for this installment of Nights Of The Slayer And the Rest Of the Characters. Live with it.
The End