Some Time Soon

by Amy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow watched the Watcher as he stood at the foot of the grave. Her eyes
followed him sympathetically, and her hands fiddled with the flowers that she
had brought. She leaned against a tree and listened closely as Giles began
to speak to the person who laid beneath the earth.

He cleared his throat. "I looked at the calendar last night and realized
what today would be. I began crying, sobbing, as harshly as I had that night
in Buffy's arms right after you died. Then of course, I drank myself into
oblivion." He gave a dry laugh. "But you always knew that drinking didn't
help anything; it couldn't. And what was I trying to escape from? You?
Today? I must admit that I didn't know. I still don't."

He fell silent and looked at the ground for a long time, leaning forward to
lay the white lilies on the grass. Willow sighed and approached him,
touching him lightly on the shoulder. He turned, startled, and then smiled
bashfully when he realized that it was her.

"What are you doing here?"

She shrugged mildly, looking at the grave. "The same thing you are, I guess.
I thought I would miss you by at least a couple of hours," she murmured,
laying her own flowers next to his.

Giles gave a slight smile. "I didn't expect anyone but me to come here
today. Is it a coincidence, or did you know that today was..."

Willow's voice was hoarse as she finished his sentence. "Her birthday. The
day she died. No, I knew. She was my friend as well."

He nodded, gulping. "That she was. I didn't realize that any of you
remembered the exact date, or even knew that the day Jenny died was her
birthday." He pushed his glasses up, surreptitiously wiping a tear away from
his cheek.

Willow's smile was nostalgic. "Yes, she told me. She told me right after we
became friends, what her birthday was. Tragic irony that..."

Giles nodded in agreement, and Willow looked ashamed. "Sorry. Do you want
to be alone?"

He shook his head, clasping her hand warmly. "No. Five years, Willow. Five
years Jenny has been gone," he said huskily. "Five years without her voice,
her mind, her touch. Five years without any of what mattered so dearly to me
at one time."

Willow licked her lips; they were suddenly swollen with tears that she didn't
want to think about too closely. "Yes. It's a long time, isn't it? Long
enough to... But not to forget." Her last remark was a statement, but it
held the faintest hint of question behind it, her eyes falling down when he
nodded.

"It shall never be long enough to forget." He turned to her with a pained
smile. "Why would one want to forget someone like Jenny? Move on... Yes.
Forget? Never."

Willow's heart pounded. Giles took her arm and slowly steered them both out
of the cemetery. He glanced down and caught her eyes, smiling slowly at
whatever he found hidden there. Willow's eyes widened and he looked away.

And for the millionth time in the previous year, Willow refused to examine
her heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy's eyes were huge. "Birthday?"

Willow nodded. "I thought you knew."

Buffy shook her head, swallowing the tears before they showed in her eyes.
"No. I knew... I saw the calendar today, and knew that it was the day she
died, but not that... I couldn't go there, Will. Not after everything I did
to her. Not after it was my fault that she died."

Willow laid her palm on Buffy's arm. "It wasn't your fault, Buffy. It
wasn't even his. A demon did it, never think otherwise, okay?"

Buffy looked up, smiling tearfully. "I just... Am I a horrible person for
not being there today?" she asked softly, looking back down at Willow's hand
on her arm.

"No."

The girls both looked up to see Giles standing in the doorway of his office.
Buffy choked, fleeing the room. Giles sat heavily in a chair nearby Willow.
"I didn't mean to upset her... Merely to assure her that it was all right if
she wasn't ready to visit Jenny's grave." He looked at Willow, slightly
pleading. "How can I help her?"

Willow shook her head. "You can't. She's still sensitive with this subject,
when talking to you most of all. She blames herself, and will until she
comes to grips that it wasn't her fault. She blames herself that you're
alone... Something she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy. She knows
loneliness." Willow brushed the tear that seeped down his cheek with her
fingertips. Giles caught her hand and held it in his own, gratefully kissing
the fingers that were still wet with his tear.

"I have moved on. I have healed. As have you. Shouldn't it stand to reason
that Buffy heals?" His voice was tight as his eyes locked on her hand, which
was still holding his.

"No," Willow murmured quietly. He looked up in surprise. "She has too much
to handle, I think. I think that being the longest lived Slayer in history
has some serious pressure, and that she believes that if she looks at her
feelings over Jenny for any amount of time, she'll lose her sanity. And she
can't afford to do that. She thinks that her heart will break all over
again. And she's already had too many heartbreaks."

Giles nodded, slowly understanding. "If she contemplates her emotions at
length, she'll find herself at more fault than before, and not be able to
deal with it?"

"Yes... Something like that," Willow confirmed.

They both turned to see Buffy walk in, eyes red. She padded over to Giles
and placed her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I left..." She gulped,
looking frantically at Willow. "And I need to leave again for the day, I
think. Call me if you need me, okay Giles?" she said remorsefully, turning
to leave again.

Giles caught her arm. "It's okay, Buffy." Her eyes were wide with thanks,
and something deeper, something painful. He released her arm. "Take all the
time you need."

She nodded, forcing a smile and headed out again. Willow sighed heavily and
sat down next to Giles. "That went well, don't you think?"

He gave something that resembled a grin, but wasn't quite lighthearted enough
to be one. "Yes, smashingly."

Willow turned to him, changing the difficult subject smoothly. "So, I hear
there's another birthday on the horizon. Two weeks as a matter of fact."

Giles tried to hide a smile. "Yours? Buffy's?"

Willow hit his arm playfully. "Ha ha, Giles. You know what? We might not
even acknowledge it if you keep acting the way you are!"

He rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Which is exactly what I'm praying."

"Okay then..." Willow paused thoughtfully. "How could I rephrase that threat
so that you cooperate? Ah! I know!" She smiled devilishly. "I'll tell
that new math professor who has her eye on you. You know, the really... um..
Persistent one?"

He groaned and she laughed, knowing that she had just won. "Fine fine," he
grumbled. "I'm so bloody happy that I'm turning forty-six that I just may
fall over in a dead faint."

"That's better!" she told him, smug satisfaction on her face. She stood and
looked down at him for several moments before leaning over and brushing his
cheek with a kiss. He looked up, startled, the beginning of a blush staining
his ears. Willow blushed as well. "I just... I'm going to go. I'll talk to
you tomorrow, okay?"

He nodded, speechless, and Willow turned away, walking quickly from the room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Surprise party?!" Buffy squeaked. "Do you not remember that I have bad luck
with surprise parties?"

Willow giggled, leaning in. "Yeah I know. But only yours! I thought.. You
know... Only the Scooby Gang. I could try to find Ethan if you want?" she
volunteered jokingly.

Buffy grimaced. "Uh huh. Thanks ever so. Okay, I'm in." A strange spark
came into her eyes. "So... What are you planning on giving him for a gift?"

Willow reddened. "I don't know what you mean, and don't care to."

"Oh come *on,* Willow! It's so obvious that even Xander commented on it to
me the other day. You're acting like you don't even realize that you're in
love with Giles," Buffy said with a grin. The grin promptly faded when she
looked closely at Willow to find her crying. "What? What's wrong?"

Willow shook her head, wiping away some of her tears. "I just... I was
hoping...," she fumbled for words and Buffy took her hand soothingly. "I was
just hoping that if I never said that out loud, then those feelings would go
away or that I could ignore them. Or that... Maybe... I don't know. That
he would love me too, but say it first. But it's obvious that he doesn't,
that he couldn't."

Buffy stood up and bounced a little on the balls of her feet. "Are you
kidding me? He's so in love with you that he can barely see straight when
you walk into the room. You've done wonders for my fighting technique.
Whenever you get around him, it's three times as easy to knock him over."

She giggled at Willow's dumb stare. "What?" Willow asked faintly.

Buffy sat down again. "He's in love with you, Will. But he's a gentleman.
If he even realizes it yet, which I doubt, he wouldn't dare to make a move
until he knew that you would reciprocate. Wouldn't want to ruin your
friendship at all."

Willow began giggling and soon was in hysterics. Buffy joined in and they
fell backwards onto the bed. Buffy turned her head to look at Willow's
laughing, tearstained face. "So, you're going to tell him right?"

Willow became silent quickly. She paused, thinking, and closed her eyes.
She thought of Giles, and the warmth that he so often tried to hide. She
thought of his twinkling eyes, his temper, his devotion. She thought of his
faithfulness to Buffy, and to her.

And she nodded.

"Some time soon, I will," she promised her friend, smiling slowly. "Some
time soon."

The End


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