Summary: Willow realizes her feelings for Giles,
but naturally, there are
things in the way.
Spoilers: Through Fear, I\tself.
Disclaimer: Joss made the characters. I like to think he did it so that I
could mess with them on occasion.
Rating: PG13
Feedback: Yummy, *yummy* stuff.
Thanks to Laura, for teaching me to love Willow and Giles, and to Tracy,
beta
goddess extraordinare.
by: Amy
* * * * * *
He watched her out of the corner of his eye, watched her laugh and eat candy
and smile at her friend with the twinkle in her eye that had so captivated
him. She tossed her flaming hair back and he inhaled as he leaned down to
give the book to his Slayer. Willow smelled like orange blossoms and he
smiled at the memories that conjured.
The rest of the night, as they gorged themselves on candy, he thought about
how happy she looked, how relaxed. How he wanted to touch that silky hair
and look directly into those sparkling green eyes. She had pulled him aside
as soon as they had gotten to his apartment, seeking his reassurance.
She had placed her small, still bleeding hand on his arm tentatively.
"Giles?"
He cleared his throat. "Yes, Willow?"
She looked down, biting her lip. "I said some things to Buffy tonight...
I
feel sort of bad about them. I told her that I wasn't the sidekick, and that
she couldn't boss me around... That sort of thing. But, I feel bad that I
don't feel worse. I mean, I shouldn't have said them, yeah, but... maybe
I
should have. I don't want this to become a thing between us. Do you think
I
should apologize?"
He blinked. The skin on his arm where her hand lay had grown hot, and his
face was catching up in no time. Finally he understood what she was saying,
and he lifted his head. "I think Buffy knows fully well that you're not to
be... used?" He looked at her for verification, and she nodded. "But
Willow, even if you *are* the sidekick, which *isn't* what I'm saying, you
must know... Even if you are, there's nothing wrong with it. After all,"
he
smiled, "It's the sidekick who's the support system for the "hero." You're
who she comes to when she needs affection and friendship. And it's not as
though you don't have some interesting, one might even say magical, qualities
yourself."
Willow had giggled, her hand sliding down his arm to squeeze his hand. She
leaned up and brushed her lips against his cheek fondly. "Thanks, Giles,"
she whispered.
With that, she had left him in a dumbfounded, silent stupor, standing there
in awe of the feel of her mouth against his skin.
He sighed, snapping back to focus. They were saying goodbye.
He stood, glancing over Anya, who wanted to go home with her date, and then
to Xander. He smiled. "Good night, Xander."
Xander slipped out the door, clasping Anya's rabbit hand in his. "Later,
G-Man."
Buffy was next. She smiled brightly, and he was pleased that she had
overcome whatever personal demons that had been attacking her most recently.
She looked content, for the first time in a long while, and probably for
the
last time in quite a while too. Giles sometimes forgot how much she went
through, and how much relaxation she really deserved; much more than three
simple hours after she had battled the dark forces of Sunnydale. "Night,
Giles. Sleep good. And please never wear that hat again."
He chuckled. "Goodnight, Buffy."
He turned to the last couple standing in front of him. His heart tightened
as Willow leaned against Oz warmly, an almost sneaky smile on her face. She
grinned. "We'll see you later, Giles."
"Yes, later," he echoed, watching how close they were standing, noticing
their body language and intimate gestures. He swallowed.
"Later," Oz called, following Willow out of the door.
After they were gone, Giles sat down heavily and sighed, placing his face
in
his palms. "I don't believe this," he muttered.
As long as he had been able to successfully cover his feelings for the young
witch, even to himself, why in the world were they unveiling now? What had
he done to deserve these unrequited feelings?
He was the parental figure, he admitted silently, disgustedly. And to her,
to young, sweet Willow, he always would be. A window made of strong,
unbreakable glass lay between them and any other understanding he could ever
hope to have with her.
* * * * * *
Willow looked up and sighed. Second night in a row she hadn't been able to
sleep very well. She had all of these.... dreams. She blushed at the
thought, though she should have just been honest about them to herself. And
maybe to Oz.
What would Oz tell her? She smiled. He'd probably tell her that it was
normal to have these sorts of feelings about Giles. He'd probably tell her
that because Giles was her mentor, not to mention an... incredibly...
good-looking man, it was completely natural to get fluttery feelings when
she
looked at him.
She grinned. It hadn't been happening for too long. It wasn't as though it
was normal. But when she had seen Giles in that sombrero, she had felt the
urge to giggle insanely and wanted to feel the roughness of his outfit
against her.
She would tell Oz tomorrow, she decided. What was a relationship without
trust? And he trusted her. It would make her feel good to let him in on why
she had been acting so strange.
Feeling better already, she closed her eyes. In minutes, she was fast
asleep.
* * * * * *
She hesitated, seeing a strange look pass over his face. Forcing a smile,
pretending not to notice, she finished with, "So that's why I thought I
should tell you. It was nothing, and I wanted you to know that it was
nothing, and... I guess just to let you know that I love you and all."
Oz sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I don't think we should see
each other for a while."
Willow's mouth dropped open. "What?" she sputtered. "Why?!"
Oz looked at her, feeling the things he had always felt when he saw Willow's
face. And some others that he was beginning to notice, and couldn't pretend
he liked.
"I just think... Willow, I tried to tell myself that it was nothing.
After... Last year, God knows that I wanted to believe that. And I know you
wouldn't cheat on me!" he rushed to add. "I trust you, and love you. But,
maybe, that's not enough for right now. I've been seeing the way you look
at
him. Like you looked at me on our very first date."
Willow was tempted to deny it, but she didn't. Instead, she grabbed his hand
as he started to get up. "Please, Oz," she whispered sadly. "I love you!"
"I love you too, Baby," he said, standing and touching her cheek fondly.
"But I want more. And so do you."
* * * * * *
"Willow, what's happening?" Buffy asked, alarmed when she saw Willow sobbing
on her bed. She threw down her bag and ran over to Willow, scooping her
tightly in her arms. "What happened?" she repeated.
Willow sniffled, calming down in Buffy's warm hug, and shook her head. "Oz
broke up with me."
Buffy's eyes widened. "Why? Did he say why?!"
"Yes," Willow mumbled. She sat up, away from Buffy, judging her friend with
her eyes. How would Buffy react to Willow having these feelings for her
Watcher? "He said it was because... Well, I told him-- I thought I was doing
the right thing with being honest and all, and I thought maybe the feelings
would go away if I laughed it off and he told me it was nothing... Anyway,
I
told him that--"
"Did you kiss Xander again?" Buffy interrupted incredulously.
"No!" Willow burst out, a smile coming to her face for the first time that
afternoon. "Not Xander. Not anybody. But I sort of mentioned that I was
having feelings for someone. Now, please don't get mad at me, Buffy, because
I don't know what I'm going to do...."
"Oh." Buffy sighed, the worry leaving her face. "This is about the Giles
thing?"
"What?" Willow asked blankly, staring at Buffy.
Buffy grinned. "The Giles thing. Xander and I were talking about this
yesterday. Not that it's... I mean, you know... *Good* that Oz broke up with
you. That's not what I mean. I just... I guess I'm relieved that it's
nothing worse. We... thought you knew."
"You and Xander were talking about it? About what?" Willow muttered,
forcing her brain to try catching up with Buffy's words.
Buffy shifted uneasily, suddenly worried again. Maybe Willow had been
talking about something else. Maybe it wasn't her place. "About the way you
and Giles look at each other."
"And you're... *okay* with this? It doesn't bother you?" Willow asked in
disbelief.
Buffy shrugged. "Well, it did at first. I mean, there's the older guy I
beat up on a regular basis and... you know, sometimes dream about, and my
best friend-- who's the same age I am. I guess I was jealous."
"You were?" Willow asked softly, trying to tread lightly.
"Yeah. Because, well, you seem to get the really great guys. Not that Angel
wasn't great," Buffy added, "But he was inaccessible. And Giles, and Oz,
and
Xander... Well, they all look at you like you're perfect. I think it
bothered me because I'm so flawed, or something like that." She paused,
smiling. "They look at you like you're some sort of goddess. A lightning
goddess. You know, zap their hearts and they're yours."
Willow stared at Buffy in awe, hearing only select things that her friend
was
saying. "Giles looks at me like I'm a goddess?" she asked, stunned. "And
*you* were jealous of *me?*"
Buffy laughed. "I should have known your mind would hang onto the Giles fact
right away. See, there's no denying it. And yeah, I was jealous. I am a
lot of the time." She winked. "But I probably won't admit it again, because
I don't really like the feeling. ...So, was this what you talked with Oz
about?"
Willow looked down. "It was. What do I do now?"
"Are things done between you and him?" Buffy asked.
Willow slowly nodded. "I'm pretty sure, at least for a while. He wants
more-- deserves more, and there were some things that I didn't even know
I
wanted until now. But now that I know, it would be really unfair of me to
keep Oz so close, you know?"
"Yeah," Buffy murmured contemplatively.
"So what do I do then?"
Buffy glanced at her. She grinned. "I say, you go after what you want."
* * * * * *
A week later, when Willow called him, she was pleasantly surprised to find
that he had no plans for the next day. She turned to Buffy, who had deemed
herself the coach, and nodded silently. "Good!" Willow murmured into the
phone brightly. "So can we meet?"
"Is something wrong, Willow?" Giles asked hastily.
"No, nothing," she assured him. "There are just a couple of things I needed
to talk to you about. If that's okay."
"And you're certain you're fine?" he pressed.
Willow laughed, her eyes large at Buffy. "I'm fine."
"All right, then. Would you like to come over to my house?"
"No," Willow said slowly. "I was thinking we could meet."
After they hung up, Willow looked at Buffy for a long time, as if trying
to
decide something. Finally Buffy laughed. "What??"
"I was just wondering... If you're *sure* about this. I don't really. I
mean, I don't want to make a fool out of myself and find out later that it
was just wishful thinking, and that Giles thinks of me like a daughter,"
Willow said with a grimace.
Buffy patted her arm. "I'm positive. Everyone is. But if you're not
ready..."
"It's not that," Willow sighed. "I just hope he is."
* * * * * *
Giles breathed a sigh of relief when he set the phone down. A phone call
from Willow, requesting to meet him. It sounded suspiciously like a date,
but he wouldn't allow himself to think that way. No, he would continue to
play the paternal figure in her life until she-- if she ever-- decided to
see
him another way. She probably wanted to ask him a question about... He
paused. About what? Oz?
Oh, please, don't let it be about Oz, he prayed. Please, *please* don't let
it be about their sex life.
He decided that he wouldn't care what people would say; if she started
talking about her intimate life with her boyfriend, he would have a stroke
right there.
But why not meet him at his apartment? They were meeting in daylight, so
he
knew that she wasn't a vampire with malicious intent. And the place she
picked baffled him as well, though it had some fond memories for him.
He poured himself a brandy. Tonight, he would relax.
Tomorrow, he would face... his doom?
* * * * * *
Willow spread out the blanket as best she could. It was a cramped space,
but
that didn't mean that they wouldn't fit. She liked to call it "cozy,"
anyway. She had just forgotten that, over time, places got smaller as a
person got bigger.
She pulled out the candleholders and sent a silent prayer up that nothing
would catch on fire. As she spread out the food on the blanket, she sent
another prayer up that everything would go all right.
And that Giles would be able to figure out the signs she had set out.
* * * * * *
Giles looked around the park for Willow. She was nowhere in sight. His brow
furrowed, and he frowned, wondering where she was. As he was a little late,
she would probably already be there. He walked over to the merry-go-round
and sat down on it, glancing around.
He started to lean back on his palms, but when his hand touched a slip of
paper, he glance back to look at it. His mouth dropped open. Willow's
handwriting.
"I was hoping you would sit here," he read aloud. "Follow the arrows until
you find me."
He looked up, his eyes moving swiftly around. He paused when he saw the
small red arrow pointing to a cluster of trees at the end of the playground.
He headed in that direction and stopped, looking around again until he saw
another.
He followed the arrows until they stopped, the last one pointing down at
the
tree that it was hanging on. It was the largest tree in the playground,
obviously very old, with a very wide base and huge, sprawling branches.
Giles heard a whisper, almost a sigh, come from the bottom of it. Curiously,
he leaned down to where the brush and moss had gathered near the ground.
He brushed it aside, and was beyond surprised to find a hole, big enough
for
a human to crawl through. It looked as though it had been struck by
lightning, a long time ago, splitting the bottom of the tree in half while
the rest grew towards the sky together. Getting onto his knees, only
sparing a single thought toward his clothes, he crept through.
When he was in, he replaced his glasses and looked around. His breath
caught.
There were flowers everywhere. They crawled up the inside of the tree,
happily entwined with moss, tangled and everywhere. Purple and white, mixed
with a scattering of deep green. Peonies and violets and alyssum. An alive
world, all inside of a still-living tree. All highlighted by... Giles looked
down.
Candles?
He smiled, his eyes drifted to Willow, who sat in silent worry. He touched
her hand. "Well. I have to admit that I'm surprised and don't know quite
what to say. Care to let me in on the occasion?"
"You don't like it," she said with certainty, her voice trembling.
"On the contrary," he refuted. "I'm touched."
"I have feelings for you," she blurted.
Giles raised his eyebrows, settling down on the blanket. "Since when?"
Willow hesitated, thinking. "I think it started... last year, when the whole
group went on the picnic here. That was a really special day, and I sort
of
started seeing you differently. In a different light. All of those
memories... and it occurred to me that you weren't just a Watcher, or an
older guy, but you were someone who had been young and..." She blushed. "On
fire. But I didn't really let myself think about it until recently."
His voice was softer than the light from the candles. "Why not?"
Willow closed her eyes. "It was... is... hard. And there was Oz. And there
was still Jenny."
He reached out and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. Willow held
her breath. After a moment, he pulled away and looked at her seriously.
"And now there's no Oz?"
"Is there a Jenny?" She looked at him challengingly, and then felt bad. "Of
course there is. I didn't mean it like that."
"Willow." His voice held a hint of warning.
She sighed. "Oz and I are taking a break. A long, drawn out break, because
I have feelings for someone... you... other than him."
Giles nodded. "Jenny's been gone for quite a while, Willow. She's in my
memory, of course, and in my heart. But she's not with me, and she'd want
me
to live my life without her. I stopped mourning for her a long time ago."
Willow's heart pounded. She stared at Giles for a long time, until he
reddened underneath her gaze. The tension, and excitement, between them was
palpable. Giles looked down, taking off his glasses.
Finally, he murmured, "Well, I suppose I just don't know."
"What was the question?" Willow asked, feeling daring.
Giles rubbed his eyes. "I'm not sure how... proper it would be to pursue
a
relationship with you, Willow," he murmured, "However much I may want to.
And you're so... well, I'm twenty years your senior. And you've just barely
broken up with Oz. There are so many complications. So many windows."
"Windows?"
"Windows between us," he explained. "Our age difference for one. How would
your mother feel if you brought me home to meet her? How would Buffy and
Xander feel? How would you and I feel, for that matter?"
"Well," Willow said calmly, growing on the subject, "My mother would probably
warn me that I had a complex and was looking for a father-figure in my life.
Which I would tell her was untrue, because I have a father, and a wonderful
one. I would explain that I was just using you for sex."
Giles's mouth dropped open.
Willow turned scarlet, barely believing that the words had come out of her
mouth. She gave a half-giggle, and continued. "And Buffy and Xander would
be okay, because they already know, and though it was weird at first, they've
adjusted to the idea. Buffy was the one who convinced me to do all this.
Oz
knew... for a while he's known what you meant to me. Everything that you
mean to me."
A smiled lifted Giles's face.
"And as for you and me," Willow said huskily, "I think we'd handle it just
fine."
She leaned toward him, reaching out to wrap one of her hands around the base
of his skull. Pulling him closer, and wishing for all of her will to back
her up, she sighed. And kissed him.
It was a soft kiss, a gentle touch of one mouth on another; a question. Then
Giles, regaining his mind-- something he'd thought he'd lost-- took control
and pulled her to him tightly, setting her on his lap. His mouth pressed
against hers roughly, coaxing her mouth to open to his tongue. When it did,
he feverishly sank his tongue into the warm, wet recesses of her searchingly.
Willow moaned softly, her hand plastered to his hair, holding him tightly
as
to not let him get away.
Giles's hand uncertainly crept up to cup her breast and Willow arched into
the feel of his palm. She ground herself down on his lap and he broke the
kiss, breathing heavily.
"Willow, are you sure?"
She took his face in her hands, cradling it tenderly. "Do you feel any
windows between us now, Giles?" she asked, kissing him again, softly, on
the
lips.
He crushed her to him.
"No," he said with a smile, kissing her again. "I most definitely don't."
The End