Disclaimers: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy,
the WB, Fox, and a lot of other people, all of whom are not me.
Summary: It's Cordy and Xander's wedding day, only someone else wishes she
was the bride.
Note: This isn't a very nice fic to Willow. I wrote it back when I had
Willow issues. Oddly, they seem to have gone away now.

It's a beautiful day for a wedding. Not that it would dare be anything but
on Cordelia's wedding day. Do I sound bitter? I shouldn't be. Xander is
finally happy, and that alone should make me delirious with joy.

I'm not. Delirious. With anything. I'm just sitting in one of the pretty
white chairs that Cordelia just had to have, even though she and Xander are
paying for the wedding themselves, and neither of them have much money. It's
funny to hear her worrying over prices, and more than once I've had to bite
my lip to keep from smiling.

Anyway, she's got her chairs, and the flowers that she picked. Not picked
out, but picked. Xander smiled his big goofy grin at her when she came in
with her arms loaded with wild flowers. For that matter so did everyone
else, Buffy, Giles, Angel and even Oz, the whole team Cordelia. I don't get
it, how come no one remembers what a bitch she was, and probably still is
under all this supposed niceness? I can forgive Buffy, Angel thinks
Cordelia's great, and Buffy thinks he's great, so it all works out. But
Giles? And Oz? Can't they see how wrong she is for Xander?

Can't they see how right I am?

Buffy's back yard does look nice, with the wild flowers wrapped all along
the fence, and Cordelia's beautiful chairs decorating either side of the
small aisle. The aisle that she's going to walk up and they're going to walk
back down. As husband and wife, 'til death do they part.

I can't watch this. How can I just sit here and let him make this huge
mistake? She'll ruin him, try to make him something he's not. I've got three
hours before the ceremony, three hours to figure out a way to save him. He
thinks he loves her, I know that, but it won't last. Not like my love has
lasted. I've loved him since I was five. I took one look into his dark eyes
and decided I wanted to be with him forever.

It was another twelve years before he noticed I was a girl. For a few short
weeks, I was what he wanted. His lips were mine, and the light in his eyes
shone for me. Then they found us, Oz and Cordelia and for one brief second,
before all the guilt and the pain, I was happy. Because we were free, and we
could be together.

Then she fell, and I fell with her, straight back to reality. And I ran to
Oz, because I knew he loved me. I chose the safe love over the love I
wanted. For a while I believed I had made the right choice. I was happy with
Oz, and Xander was alone. It was easier to forget about my love for him when
he was alone. I didn't have any competition, and I guess I always thought he
was waiting for me to be free.

Oz knows. Maybe he always did. But he finally decided that being second
wasn't enough for him. He doesn't hate me, I don't know why. He should. When
he left me, he said that one day I would give up the dream, and maybe he
would be waiting. He didn't promise though.

I hate her. I was free, and Xander was free, and everything was so close to
what I had always wanted. I was positive he was going to ask me out any day,
and then she came back. They took one look at each other, and were back to
fighting and insulting, and everything that, to them, is foreplay.

Three months later we're planning the wedding.

She's still here, fussing with the flowers and making jokes with Buffy about
the wedding night. I can't say anything, it's too close now for me to
pretend that I'm okay with this. Buffy finally disappeared into the house,
telling both of us that we'd better hurry up if we want to be ready in time.

Cordelia stopped playing with the flowers after Buffy left, she just stood
looking at me, her eyes narrowing as she crossed the backyard to sit next
me. Her face was hard as she leaned back in her chair, studying her nails
intently. "When are you going to tell him?"

I could play innocent, pretend I don't know what she's talking about, but
this isn't the new improved Cordelia I'm talking to, this is Queen C, the
bitch I've hated all my life. "I don't know."

"Well, I'd prefer it if you did it before the ceremony. I don't want any
huge embarrassing scenes ruining my day." Her voice is cool, confident, and
I hate her even more.

"What if there isn't any wedding?" My voice is snide, and I can feel the
color flooding my cheeks.

Cordelia smiled, shaking her head sadly as she leaning towards me. "He
doesn't love you, not the way you want him to. I'm sorry Willow."

"I took him from you once, what makes you think I won't do it again?" My
voice is rising, and I can see Buffy stick her head out the door and then
just as quickly disappear again.

"You were his safety Willow." She's speaking in these gentle tones, like
she's afraid I can't handle what's she's saying. Which I couldn't, if it was
true.

"He wanted me." I know that he did. I could feel his desire. That couldn't
just go away.

"He was afraid. Of being in love with me." There's that gentle tone again,
and I suddenly realized that she felt sorry for me.

"Is that what he told you? Or what you told yourself. Was is so hard for you
to believe that mousy Willow stole the perfect Cordelia's boyfriend?" Her
pity made my voice harder and more shrill.

"Willow, stop it." She paused, looking up at the sky. "It was a mistake. But
it's in the past and Xander's grown up. He's not afraid anymore." Cordelia
lowered her head slowly, her eyes meeting mine. "Do you have to do this to
him? He won't want to hurt you, but he will."

"Or he'll hurt you." I replied viciously. "I'm everything Xander needs. I've
loved him forever."

"But do you know him?" Cordelia whispered, her eyes flashing dangerously. I
sucked back a sudden smile of pleasure. She would crack soon, and Buffy
would see that she hadn't changed at all, and she would tell Xander and he
would come back to me.

"I know more than you ever will. Xander has always told me everything. He
always comes to me when he has a problem, he needs me." My voice was getting
louder, more triumphant, soon she would understand how pointless it was to
try to separate him from me. We were soul mates.

"Willow, he doesn't. He couldn't. You've never really seen him. You fell in
love with an illusion and you've never bothered to get to know the real
Xander."

"Bitch." I growled, wanting to hit her until she cried. "I know him better
than anyone."

Cordelia's mouth tightened and she nodded her head. "Fine. Here's a pop
quiz on Xander Harris. How many times was his first story rejected?"

I smirked at her; she would have to make the questions harder. "It was
bought by the first magazine he sent it to."

"Wrong." Cordelia said with a wounded smile. "His first story was never
bought. It was rejected by thirty different magazines before he finally gave
up. His second story was bought by the tenth place he sent it to."

"You're lying." I shouted, on my feet now. How dare she make up these lies?
Xander would have told me. He told me everything.

Cordelia stood too, fake tears welling in her eyes as she looked at me. "I'm
sorry Willow." She started to walk away but I grabbed her arm and pulled her
back to me.

"Where are you going?"

Yanking her arm free, she rubbed at the spot my hand had been. The tears
were gone now as she glared at me. "Don't touch me like that again. Ever."
Letting out a shaky breath her shoulders slumped as she walked away. "I'm
going to get ready for my wedding. You do whatever you have to do."

I watched her walk into the house, saw Buffy take her in her arms as
Cordelia clung to her. Trust Buffy to fall for every lie Cordelia told her,
she was good at it. She had plenty of practice with Angel. I sat back down
in the chair, knowing that Xander would be here soon. Even if Buffy hadn't
called him, his wedding was in a few hours. Unless he skipped out I thought,
my heartbeat quickening. Maybe he would realize that Cordelia wasn't the
girl of his dreams.

The slight squeak as the gate opened made me lift my eyes. He was here, just
like I knew he would be. He was going to walk up to me and take me in his
arms and...

"Willow, what are you doing?" What? I could feel the color flooding my
cheeks as I stared at him. His voice was so brittle, like he was holding
back his emotions. But I could feel the anger behind them, and the hurt. The
only question was; who was he mad at? I swallowed, drinking in the sight of
him. He was wearing his tux, but his shirt was buttoned up all wrong, and
his forehead was shiny with sweat, like he had run all the way here. Taking
a deep breath, he continued in a lower voice. "Why are you mad at her?"

"I'm not mad at her."

"Then why the hell did you pick a fight with her on our wedding day?" He
spit the words out through gritted teeth.

That bitch. She had probably called him as soon as she got inside, making it
seem like it was all my fault. "I didn't." He didn't say anything in
response; he just stood there, his face softening until he was staring sadly
at me. I felt my stomach sinking; she had got to him. "Xander, I can't let
you do this."

"Let me?"

"She's not right for you." And I am.

"Yes," Xander said quietly, coming to sit beside me. "She is. She's
everything to me."

No. She couldn't be. He was just confused. "I love you. I always have.
Please."

"Willow, why? Why are you doing this? It's my wedding day." He didn't look
at me as he spoke, his eyes focused on the ground in front of him.

"She's not right for you." I repeated stubbornly. How was I supposed to
convince him when she had him wrapped so tightly in her web?

"I'm sorry Willow." He said finally. "I'm sorry I didn't know how you felt,
and I'm sorry that I hurt you. I never wanted to do that. But I love her.
And I'm going to marry her."

"You can't." I whimpered, tears spilling down my cheeks.

"I am." He whispered, standing up. He leaned over, kissing the top of my
head. "I'm so sorry Willow." And then he walked away, leaving me sitting
there, in the backyard decorated for their wedding.

I was still sitting there two and a half-hours later when Buffy came out of
the house. I don't know why I didn't leave, I just couldn't. Until they were
married I couldn't leave. I couldn't give up hope.

"Willow?" Buffy's voice was soft, and she grabbed my hand as she sat down
next to me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"As if you would have cared." I remarked, pulling my hand from hers. "You
think she's wonderful. You think they are wonderful. How could you forget
what she was like?"

"She's changed Will, we all have." Buffy whispered, her eyes welling with
tears. "You have to let him go."

"No." I wasn't letting go, not until he said I do.

"Are you staying?" Buffy asked.

"Are you going to make me leave?"

"No." She shook her head, standing and straightening her dress. "But maybe
you shouldn't be a bridesmaid."

"As if I would."

"Willow..." She started, and then stopped, turning and walking back into the
house.

I slumped down in my chair, hating the fact that the sun was shining so
brightly. The chairs slowly filled around me, her friends from LA, minus
Angel, who wouldn't be here until after dusk. Which was yet another trick of
hers, having her wedding when Angel could be there. The perfect way to get
on Buffy's good side.

Xander arrived with Oz and Giles as the sun was setting, and soon after
Angel joined them. They stood talking in low whispers, probably about me.
Then the music started, and Buffy walked down the aisle, smiling at Xander
and then looking only at Angel.

She came next, her arm tucked into her Fathers'. I watched Xander's intake
of air as he saw her, and how his eyes lit up as she smiled at him. Her
father gave her hand to Xander, and took his seat. This was it, my last
chance, and I just sat there. The minister started talking, and I listened
as they made their vows, their voices clear in the evening air.

How can this be? How can he love her? I am what he should want, I am what he
should need.

I'm not though, am I? I never was. She fills something in him, gives him
some strength that I don't know how too. And I watched as he made her his
wife.

It should have been me.

But it wasn't.

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C/X Fic // Andrea Fic