Disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the
WB, etc.  They don't belong to me.
Spoilers: Grad2, The Prom.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Well, it's Cordy, Xander and a lake. And you also have to assume they
continued to talk after Graduation.
Dedicated to Niccy, cause she rocks, and Erika, for the same reason. And to
Courtney, who also rocks, and who I hope will have time to write again soon.

"Did you know that I've never been in love?"

Cordelia laughed, the sound tinkling off the calm waters of the lake. Leaning
back into her one-time boyfriend's arms she elbowed him in the ribs before
answering him. "Right. Buffy was just a crush, and Willow was just a friend."

"Exactly." Xander said, his voice sounding as amazed as if she had just told him
the secret of how they get the caramel in the caramilk bar.

"Idiot." She mumbled, leaning her head back so that he could kiss her forehead.
"Tell me again why I'm here?"

"Because you can't resist me?" Xander questioned hopefully.

Cordelia sighed, smiling up at the stars as she replied. "A free weekend at the
lake I couldn't resist. You I can."

"Then why are you in my arms when there's a perfectly good chair sitting empty?"
His voice was dangerously close to her ear and she shivered in spite of herself.

"I said I could resist you, not that I was going to." Cordelia whispered softly,
feeling the butterflies in her stomach go wild at his harsh intake of breath.

"Why?" The question hung over the silent lake.

"I don't think I've ever been in love either." She answered finally. "But I came
close with you. I mean, I loved you, and we had that whole lust thing going for
us, but I'm not sure that I was in love. I don't think I even know what it is."

"Me neither." Xander whispered, wrapping his arms tighter around her. "But I
think, hope, that maybe it's just like you."

"What do you mean? You hope it's got a great fashion sense, a stinging wit, and
is stunningly beautiful?" Cordelia laughed as she spoke, shaking her head at
him. "It's an emotion Xander."

"Really?" Xander asked in mock surprise, nuzzling his face into the back of her
neck. "I just want it to have layers. You know, you think you know everything
about it, and then you find out you've only scratched the surface."

Cordelia was silent for a minute, emotion choking her voice as she reached back
to wrap her hand around his neck. Flipping herself over she looked up at him.
"Thanks." She could see Xander's skin flushing in the moonlit night. "I've
missed you. Missed being alone with you. You were the first person I could be
myself with."

"If I could take back what happened with Willow..."

"Don't. Not tonight. Maybe not ever. It really doesn't matter now, does it?
We're here. We survived."

"I just wish..."

"Xander, if you're going to wish for anything, make it be something you can
have. A million wishes won't change the past." Planting a soft kiss on his lips
she continued. "But maybe if you wished to get lucky...."

Xander groaned, pulling her tightly to him as his mouth explored hers. She
reveled in the feel of his lips against hers, the shivers of desire that only he
had ever truly made her feel. His tongue darted into her mouth, daring her to
deepen the kiss. She felt a smile form on her face, but she didn't pull away.
Wrapping her hand around the back of his head, she forced him closer, her tongue
answering his.

His hand slipped down her side, brushing against the side of her breast, and she
didn't subdue the moan that arose from his touch. Pulling her lips from his, she
smiled up at him. "Some things never change."

Xander looked at her, his face serious in the moonlight. "I'll never stop
feeling like this when we're close."

She smiled, a soft sigh escaping her lips. "You might. Maybe there's someone out
there who can make you forget about Willow, about Buffy, maybe even about me."
She reached up, tracing her fingers along his jaw. "And if you do, be happy."

Xander turned his head, capturing one finger in his mouth. He sucked gently, his
tongue caressing the tip of it. Shivering she ducked her head, trying to hide
the desire in her eyes, and not sure why. Why she was hiding, or for that
matter, why she was here with him, doing things that she swore she would never
do again? But when he had asked her to come with him on the trip he had won in a
radio contest, she had said yes without hesitation.

His hand moved gently, cupping her chin and lifting her eyes to meet his. "And
what if it's you? What if you're what I'm looking for?"

She smiled, feeling tears rise in her eyes. Pulling her finger from his mouth
she moved slowly around the outline of his lips, memorizing the shape, the feel
of them. When she finally knew she could speak without crying she answered him.
"I'm not, Xander."

But she prayed that someday she was. What she and Xander had was special,
precious even, but it wasn't meant to be. At least not now, for him anyway.
Funny, she wasn't even bitter about it anymore. She just felt lucky. That she
knew him, that she would always be able to call him friend, that she loved him.
"But we have now." Tonight, and then she would let him go. And if he came
back...

Xander looked at her silently, his expression suddenly unsure. She ignored it,
her fingers moving slowly as she pulled his polo shirt over his head. Throwing
it to the ground beside them, she ran her hands over his chest, loving when he
took a ragged breath, the muscles in his stomach jumping as her hand dipped
lower. He stopped her at the waistband of his shorts, pressing her hand against
his stomach as his lips devoured hers again. She was breathless, weak with need
as he lifted her from the chair they had been tucked in. "Do you want to go
inside?" He asked, in a voice gruff with desire.

"No." She whispered, her skin coming alive wherever he touched her. "Here.
Outside."

He nodded, kissing her harshly before setting her down on the wharf. She
stretched out, his eyes tracking her every movement as her hand moved up her
belly to rest on the strap of her tank top. Pulling it to the side, she rubbed
her fingers lightly along the top of her breast, loving the expression that came
over his face as she did. His hand reached out, joining hers as she pushed her
top down further to uncover one breast. He lay down on the wood beside her, his
lips trailing lightly along her collarbone, following the path their hands had
taken.

The water pushed against the wharf, the wood swaying slightly as he slipped one
hand under her tank top, tugging it up around her neck. He pulled her to a
sitting position, his arm supporting her as he slipped it over her head. She was
thankful for the arm, unsure if she would be able to hold her body up. Desire
flared on his face as he ran his hand down her back, his eyes darkening as she
leaned back onto the wharf.

"You're so beautiful." He whispered the words so lovingly that she shivered at
the sound of them, her back arching slightly under his stare. "You make me ache
just looking at you."

"Don't just look." She pleaded softly, her hands reaching out to pull him down
to her. "Touch me."

"Your wish..." he began, his fingers dancing over her stomach, his lips grazing
over her ear as he finished. "is my command."

"As it should be." She managed to say, ending on a whimper as his fingers undid
the button of her shorts. Her limbs felt heavy as she lifted her hips for him to
remove her shorts. He pulled them off slowly, his hands tormenting her as they
moved further down her legs. He slid back, kissing one knee and then the other.
His tongue slid down her shin, as her shorts were pulled from her ankles.
Sitting back he considered her quietly, his jaw tight.

She stretched, feeling a rush between her legs as he let out a shaky sigh. She
had been told all her life that she was beautiful, but laying naked under the
starry sky, with only his eyes on her, she finally felt it. A breeze blew softly
across her, and she closed her eyes, her head tilting back in anticipation.

He ran his hand up her leg, and she could feel him trembling. "I want you." He
murmured thickly.

"I'm pretty much yours." She answered breathlessly.

"I want you always." He clarified, his fingers circling her bellybutton.

Her eyes opened and she looked down at him. "Xander..." He stared back at her,
waiting for her to answer, waiting for her to make a promise she didn't think he
would want to keep. "Someday, maybe."

"Why not now?" He asked, the hurt in his voice shooting through her.

Because I lied, she told him silently, because I said I had never been in love.
And she was. With him. But he wasn't in love with her, and she needed him to be.
She couldn't live with him, waiting for the day when he fell in love with
someone else. "Xander." She said again, her voice gently pleading with him.

He bit his lip, his eyes holding hers for another minute before he smiled. She
let out a breath in relief, glad that he was going to let it go. "I could make
you." He whispered, his fingers curling around her hip. His other hand strayed
further inward, brushing against the top of her thigh.

"How?" She breathed, wishing his hands would stop tormenting her and start
touching her.

He laughed, his head dipping down to her breast. "I could stop."

"You wouldn't." She whispered as his tongue slid over her nipple. Her back
arched as he took it between his lips, his teeth gently biting down.

He looked up at her, his eyebrows raising as he smiled at her. "Nope. Cause I
know you're going to come back to me."

"You're fairly sure of yourself." She answered, too weak with lust to get mad at
him. "Why would I come back?"

"Because we lied." He said, echoing her thoughts of a moment ago. His hand slid
down between her legs, pushing them apart as his fingers slid through her
wetness. "We know what love is."

She swallowed, her hips making slow circles against the wharf. A moan tumbled
from her lips as his fingers reached her clitoris. Struggling to hold onto his
words, she spoke. "What is it?"

"This." He answered, lifting his head to kiss her lips softly. "What I feel when
I'm with you."

"This is lust." She groaned, her fingers working frantically at the button of
his pants. His cock was straining against the material, and she ran her hand
over it, pressing it back against his stomach. He shivered, his breath coming
quicker as she pulled down the zipper, surrounding his cock with her hand.

"Lust." He agreed, taking his hands away from her for a moment to rip his pants
off. Returning to her body he continued. "And everything else I want."

"Xander." She whimpered as his finger entered her, moving with agonizing
slowness as she trembled against him. Her fingers tightened on his cock,
savoring the velvet texture of it as she slid down towards the base. "Please."

"I want to make love to you." He whispered, groaning as she ran her hand over
his balls, squeezing them gently. "Not have sex with you."

"Please." She begged, her body twisting as he drove deeper into her, a second
finger joining the first. "Please...make love to me." He moaned, his cock
thrusting into her hand as his head dipped down to join his fingers. His tongue
slip between her lips, sucking gently on her clit as she writhed against him.
Her movements on his cock grew erratic as the pleasure built inside her, driving
out any control she had left over her body. "Now." She cried, pulling
desperately at him.

He moved with her hands, his lips still surrounding her clit, sucking with
increasing pressure on the sensitive flesh. She whimpered, her hips driving up
to him even as she fought to hold her orgasm back. "Please...I want...I can't
wait..." Her breath was coming in short pants as he released her clit, his body
sliding up between her thighs.

His cock pressed against her, and tremors ran through her. He pushed into her,
stretching the walls as she arched forward to meet him. His hands moved to her
hips, pushing her against the wood as he pulled his cock slowly from her body.
Whimpering she reached out, her hands pulling at his shoulders, trying to bring
him back to her.

She could feel the trembling in his body as he entered her again in the same
slow torment. His body pressed against her clit as he moved, the friction
bringing her closer and closer to the edge, but not letting her go over. "More."
She whimpered helplessly, as her nails dug into his back.

He stilled, his cock filling her completely, and then he began to make slow
circles with his hips. His body pressed down harder against her clit and she
thought she'd lost her mind. Everything faded away except the feel of him and
the pleasure that was screaming for release. His trembling increased, and she
opened her eyes, looking up into his in a silent plea.

With a moan he pulled back, and then dived forward again, his movements
quickening as her hips rose up to meet his. She was shaking with need as he
consumed her, his eyes conveying the same desire. The feeling grew stronger, her
entire body opening to him as she arched up violently, driving him even deeper
into her. She convulsed around him, a scream of pleasure bursting from her lips
as he moved faster, dragging her orgasm out longer and longer until she thought
she'd die. He groaned loudly, his cock hardening even more as he exploded inside
her, his eyes still locked on hers.

He stilled slowly, his cock twitching inside her as they struggled to catch
their breath. Pulling out slowly he moved to lie down beside her, his arms
cradling her. She was silent, planting soft kisses on his chest, her heart still
racing.

"I love you." He whispered, his arms tightening around her as if he was afraid
she might run away.

"How can you be sure?" She answered in a soft voice, knowing that it couldn't be
true.

"Because when I'm with you, I'm more me."

"Huh?"

He laughed, the sound echoing over the quiet lake. "When I'm with you I feel
like I'm a better person."

Cordelia lifted her head from his chest, shaking her head at him. "That's just
'cause you think I'm an awful person, so by comparison you seem better."

Xander appeared to consider her words, nodding thoughtfully as he spoke. "You
make a good point." She glared at him and he laughed again. "You know what I
mean."

She bit her lip, looking away from him to stare out over the lake. "I know." She
said slowly, considering her words carefully. "I mean, I'm definitely a better
person when I'm with you." Turning back to him she continued. "But I'm not sure
that means you love me."

"I am." He said quietly, pulling himself into a sitting position with his legs
dangling over the side of the wharf. She followed his lead, sitting quietly
beside him, not knowing what to say. "I love you." He repeated softly. "I know I
hurt you, I know I don't deserve you, but..."

"I love you too." She interrupted him, not wanting to discuss the reason they
had broken up in the first place. It was in the past now, where it deserved to
be.

Xander stopped, his hands grabbing hers as he turned to face her. He leaned
forward slowly, kissing her as if they had all the time in the world.

Which maybe, she thought, they did. When they broke apart she smiled at him, her
eyes sparkling in the moonlight. Tomorrow she might worry that it wasn't real,
and that he would hurt her again, but tonight, she just loved him. Holding his
hand tightly, she kicked her feet back and forth in the cool water.

"It's a good thing too." He said, breaking the silence that had followed her
confession. His face was one big grin as he finished. "Cause I spent the last of
my trip money renting this place."

Taking advantage of her shock he jumped into the lake before she could push him.
She watched him splutter to the surface, a self-satisfied look on his face. With
a laugh, she pushed off from the wharf and joined him.

end

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C/X Fic // Andrea Fic