Insanity

She was going crazy. That was the only explanation for why she felt the way she did. Angelus' plan was working because she was headed straight for the looney bin. Funny thing was, she'd go willingly. But only if they promised to cure.

And that was the hard part.

There was really was no cure for what she had, no prescription that was going to make her symptoms to go away. Nope, what she had was a nice little case of lust and it wasn't going anywhere. Even getting rid of the source of the problem wasn't going to help. She was sick, just plain sick. And she liked it.

Buffy wasn't really sure when she'd started having feelings for her tormentor. Okay, maybe not feelings, more like carnal urges, but whatever the were, they'd snuck up on her. She'd just woke up one morning, drenched in sweat from one of the most erotic dreams she'd ever had. It didn't take her long to remember who her partner had been, she had very intimate knowledge of his body and her memory definitely wasn't failing where he was concerned. It did, however, take her a little while to accept that she, as much as she hated to admit it, wanted Angelus in the most imtimate of ways.

When she really thought about it, it wasn't too hard to believe. Part of what attracted her to Angel was the power, the violence, the danger she sensed in him. It struck a chord within her. It wasn't the only thing, maybe not the most important thing, but it was a factor. Angel could be gentle and rough all in the same moment. It was a major turn on.

So, she asked herself, why couldn't she be attracted to Angelus. He was dangerous. He was violent. He was powerful. All the things she loved about Angel. And somehwere inside him Angel was still there. She felt it whenever he looked at her, whenever he touched her. She felt it when he made love to her in her dreams, when his hands roamed over her body, when his lips caressed her in places she'd forgotten existed. She knew that Angel was there with every stroke of Angelus inside her, knew he was calling out her name when she and Angelus came together in ectasy.

Staring up at the ceiling, she sighed and resigned herself to insanity. She was absolutely out of her mind. But she couldn't stop the way she felt. She wasn't going to ignore it. At the same time, she wasn't going to do anything about it, either. It was bad enough that Angelus knew how much she loved Angel. It wouldn't be smart to let him know she was rapidly becoming attached to him too. She would just content herself with the knowledge that she had him, had them both, every night. Even if it was only in her dreams.