The hacker looked up at him and tried to smile, not wanting to reveal how un-okay she really was. "Yeah," she whispered fakely, then amended, "Better with you here," truthfully.
"You still care about him, don't you?" Oz asked, leading her towards a couch and sitting down next to her.
Willow laughed softly, amazed at how well he knew her after only a short time together. "Yeah," she admitted. "I don't . . ." She sighed. "It's hard to explain. I guess after all those years of wanting him, it's just . . . it's a hard habit to break." She looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears. "You're not mad, are you?"
"Of course not," Oz replied immediately. "Why would I be mad? I'm not mad. At all."
"You mean it?" Willow asked.
"Yes. Totally one hundred percent not mad. Completely and utterly not mad in the least. Really."
Willow smiled wanly. "I don't know what I ever did without you," she admitted softly, resting her head against his shoulder. He reached up and gently stroked her hair with his hand, pulling her closer to him; and she curled up against him. Without warning she emitted a soft whimper and began to sob; Oz just wrapped his arms around her, pulled her even closer, and let her cry on his shoulder.
For a moment she was disoriented, and it took awhile to get her bearings completely. Shaking her head, she looked up to see her own neck in front of her, her own body in her vision. This went beyond looking into a mirror, and she shuddered at the utter strangeness of the situation. Then with one hand she gently reached up and touched her own face, which now seemed to lack life completely, without any mind accompanying the body. She looked into her own eyes, then shut the eyes which now were hers, and gave up on trying to find any way to put into words all the emotions and fears she was experiencing. Instead she put her plan into action, reaching up her hand, which wasn't really her hand at all, and touching the neck of the lifeless body she usually inhabited.
Buffy knew she had to take charge of this situation. She had to do this now, no matter how strange she felt. She felt Angel there with her in his own body, and his presence calmed her more than she could have imagined. She instantly recognized the feeling of calm from before, right after she'd been tortured. She had to smile. All this time she'd thought she'd been entirely alone, all this time she'd been missing Angel desperately, and he'd been with her every step of the way. Always her guardian angel, always watching over her. Shaking her head, she took one last look at her own body, and then began to change her face into the demonic visage of the vampire.
For a moment she was distracted by how strange it felt to shift her face into that of a vampire, and she had to remind herself that it really wasn't her face at all, even though that's what it felt like. In an instant, however, she remembered their audience . . . Drusilla. Gently, doing her best to act like Angelus, she reached up and touched the neck in front of her, her neck, then moved her face down towards it, sinking her fangs into her neck . . . God, it was so strange. As she did so she easily controlled how much she was taking from her body; unlike what Angel went through there was no blood lust involved in this at all, he was keeping firm control over that part of himself. As she fed from her body she also inconspicuously began to untie the bonds that held her, first untying her right hand, then her left.
The lifeless body slumped into her arms, and Buffy withdrew her fangs from her neck, still wondering at the complete bizarreness of this situation. As soon as her fangs left her neck, Buffy worked with her mind in a desperate attempt to get back into her own body. Instantly she began to panic when she found herself unable to leave, and she fought desperately to calm down. Damn it, Giles had warned her . . . no, Giles had warned Angel, about the dangers of this, and she had known. She started to tremble in fear, unable to seperate her thoughts and memories from Angel's, unable to find herself in the mingled minds.
She heard Drusilla take a step forward, and Buffy frantically continued trying to calm down and get out of Angel's head. Focusing every ounce of mental power Giles had always insisted she possessed, she pushed against Angel's mind and into her own, mentally, and felt an overwhelming relief as she sensed herself leaving . . . an instant later she was once again looking out of her own eyes, seeing Angel leaning against the wall, gaining strength from her blood, and seeing Drusilla advance forward.
In a burst of motion Buffy leapt from her position against the wall and gracefully kicked Drusilla, flinging the vampire across the room. Drusilla fought to get to her feet as Buffy followed her quickly, kicking her in her stomach and causing her to once again stumble. The Slayer spun around, looking for something she could use as a stake, and sighed in relief when she spotted a piece of wood splintering off against the wooden panel of the room. She ripped it off, but just as she was about to insert the wood into Drusilla's chest and end the insane vampire's undead existance, the back door to the house opened.
"Thought we had a deal, mate." Buffy, Drusilla, and Angel all turned to stare at Spike as he walked inside.
"Yeah, well, that deal involved keeping a leash on your little pet," Buffy retorted angrily, still tottering on the edge of insanity.
"No, that deal involved staying out of Sunnydale. Well, we're not in Sunnydale, are we? You're the one who's here, intruding on OUR territory. So you'd better bloody well let her go."
"Thought she left you, Spike," Buffy answered coldly.
"She did," he admitted with the slightest nod. "Doesn't mean I don't still care and all that."
Drusilla's eyes widened. "You do?" she whispered, staring at him.,P> "Of course, pet," Spike replied, sounding shocked that she'd doubt him.
"Can we please just stop the touching reunion?" Buffy queried icily. "Get her out of here, Spike."
"Done." Spike reached his hand out to Dru, and the vampire looked at Buffy, then at Angel, before accepting his hand and murmuring something about the stars' confusion. He led her out of the warehouse gently, crooning softly in her ear.
Buffy shook her head slightly before looking towards Angel, who looked a little stronger now that he'd fed off her blood, albeit unwillingly. Without warning Buffy felt her legs buckle underneath her, and Angel was immediately by her side, helping her sit down on the cold floor. She whimpered and leaned against him, placing her head on his shoulder. "Now what?" she whispered, looking up at him through suddenly watery vision.
Angel shrugged weakly. "You going to come home?" he asked her softly.
Buffy smiled wanly. "Don't think I have much of a choice, considering," she answered, surprised by how surrealy calm everything seemed. She lifted her head from his shoulder. "But . . . but where do we go from here?" She choked on a sob, and fought desperately to repress it as relief washed over her, an overwhelming relief at the fact that everything was over, or at least, almost over. She waited for an answer from him, and waited, and waited some more before she finally looked up, to see that Angel was slumped over, unconscious. Shaking her head, Buffy leaned back against him, deciding that for at least a little while she could just stay exactly where she was.
Giles paced nervously outside of the warehouse's front entrance, every once in a while looking at his watch, measuring the time, and trying to decide if he should go in or not. Nineteen minutes had passed . . . twenty . . . twenty- one . . . twenty-two . . . twenty-three . . . . Suddenly the door opened, and Buffy emerged. He almost passed out in relief. "Buffy . . . thank God you're okay," he whispered, and was unable to help himself from stepping forward and wrapping his arms around her in a hug. To his utter surprise, she returned it.
"Hey," she replied softly, smiling up at him weakly.
He pushed her away to examine her, and his eyes widened when he saw the twin bite marks on her neck. "What happened?" he asked, touching them gently.
"Drusilla," Buffy lied, not feeling up to explaining the complicated events that had just occurred. "Angel passed out, I need your help getting him back to Sunnydale."
"D - does this mean you're coming back?" Giles stammered, trying desperately not to get his hopes up.
"Can't see any reason not to," Buffy answered. "Besides, this bond thing you did kinda needs to be broken."
"It was Cordelia's idea," Giles said somewhat defensively, then winced when he realized how much of an excuse that sounded like. "I'm sorry . . . I should have researched it much more carefully, it was just . . . "
"You wanted to get me home," Buffy replied. "It's okay. It was a trip, at the very least. Besides . . . I can't keep running away. I need to face this. This is my mess, and it's about time I started trying to fix it."
"There's nothing to fix, Buffy," Giles tried to assure her. "Angel doesn't blame you, he wouldn't have gone to all this trouble to get you home if he did."
"No, he doesn't blame me," Buffy agreed. "He blames himself, typically. I need to be there for him, and you, and everyone. I was such an idiot Giles, I'm sorry. All of this could have been prevented if I'd just stayed in town." She shook her head slightly. "Anyway, we better get moving if we want to get back. How's Xander?"
Giles stared at her astonishment. "You know about that?" he asked.
"Giles, I've been in Angel's head for awhile, yeah, I know about that. I know about a lot of things. I know how much I hurt everyone, I made everyone worry . . . I'm so sorry."
"Buffy, it's okay. We all understand why you did, leave, I mean. But it's not you who needs to be there for everyone else . . . you need to let us be there for you. Buffy, what you did . . . it was necessary. There was no other way, and no time to think of any other way. It was the only thing you could do."
"Yeah, and the way I handled it was real mature." She sighed softly once more. "Let's see, I run away, come back, then run away again just to avoid facing up to it. I'm a complete immature idiot."
"Buffy . . . " Giles started once again, but she held up her hand to stop him.
"Let's just get Angel out of there, and go home, okay?" she asked, her lower lip trembling slightly. "I wanna go home, Giles," she admitted. "I missed you. All of you."
"We missed you, too," Giles replied, and once again wrapped his arms around her. She leaned her head against his shoulder and tightly held onto him for a long moment, then as one the two turned to head into the warehouse behind them.
Xander looked up as he heard a knock on his door, and he looked next to him to see that Cordelia was no longer sitting in the chair beside him, as she'd been doing for the past three days. "Come in," he called out, and his eyes lighted in amazement when Buffy walked through the door.
"Hey, Xander," she said quietly, and somewhat sheepishly.
"Buffy!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here . . . I mean, I thought you weren't coming back . . . "
"It's kinda a long story," she replied, moving to sit down beside his bed. "Actually more like an extremely long story that I really DON'T want to get into right now. Brief summary, though, is Angel saved my life. Again. And in the process I kinda got some sense knocked into me. Literally," she added, thinking back to Drusilla's throwing her against the wall.
"This mean you're staying permanently?" he asked.
"Yup," Buffy said, nodding. "Figure it's about time I did. I talked to Will, she says they're letting you out tomorrow, so I thought I'd stick around until then."
"But the bond . . . " Xander started.
Buffy shook her head. "Don't worry about it," she replied. "According to Giles, the vampire expert, Angel's gonna be unconscious for a little while, at least, he says I have a couple days before he wakes up and we can break the bond. He's driving back to Sunnydale with Angel, so I asked him to drop me off here. Oh! He says to tell you he told your parents that there was some impromptu field trip, so that's why you haven't been home. And he made up some story about why you broke your ribs, you'll have to check with him, make sure you don't say the wrong thing."
"Why are you really here, Buff?" Xander queried. "It's not about telling me what Giles told my folks, is it?"
"No," Buffy answered softly, shaking her head again. "It's not. I - I wanted to ask you why you didn't tell me. God knows I have no right to make any accusations after what I've done in the past few weeks, but . . . I still want to know. Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice held layers of pain that made Xander's gut clench in sympathy combined with guilt.
"I didn't want you to have any false hopes, Buff," he admitted. "And I thought it was for the best, I - " He stopped, cutting off yet another tirade against Angel as he realized it was not the right thing to say to Buffy right now. "I just thought it would be best," he said instead.
"That's not what you thought," Buffy retorted, a little coldly. "You thought that I didn't care about anything Angel had done, that I just wanted him back. Period." She shook her head slightly. "Xander, it wasn't right for you to judge me like that. I know I sound like a total hypocrite after all I've done lately, but still . . . you had no right to make that decision for me."
"I know," he replied. "And I'm sorry, Buffy. I'm really sorry."
"Are you?" Buffy queried. "Think about it, same exact situation happens, God forbid, would you tell me? Or would you still keep it from me?"
"I'd tell you," Xander said firmly.
"Why?" Buffy asked, honestly curious.
"Why?" he echoed. "Let's just say the fact that no one else feels the way I do about Angel made me wonder if I might've been wrong about him." At the look of amazement that crossed Buffy's face he amended, "Wonder. Didn't say I was sure yet, though."
Buffy laughed, and Xander felt his spirits soar at the sound. "Well, little steps, anyway," she said to him. "Now it's my turn to apologize. Xander, I have been a total and complete jerk. You have every right to never forgive me, I would totally understand."
"Buffy, come on. Don't be crazy. If you forgive me I completely forgive you. I started this mess."
Buffy groaned slightly. "Everybody keeps saying that!" she said in exasperation. "That's what Angel thinks, and you, and Cordy feels guilty about coming up with the bond thing, and Giles feels guilty for not researching . . . people, I'm the one who left town, okay? My decisions, not yours, or anyone else's."
"So this is really true?" Xander asked. "I mean, you're really coming home?"
"Yeah," Buffy replied. "I have to face this. I can't run away anymore. My mother knows I'm the Slayer, I sent Angel to Hell, sent you to the hospital, sent Will to the hospital, I've just so screwed everything up royally. Now I have to try and fix it."
"We'll all be here for you every step of the way," Xander promised, and Buffy smiled back at him.
"Thanks, Xander," she whispered.
"Any time, Buffy. Any time."