With a supreme effort of will he managed to open the car door and step out, bracing himself against the hood in an attempt not to pass out right there. He barely managed to make it around to the other end of the vehicle, and used the weight of his entire body to open the door. Xander was unconscious in the seat, his head lolling uselessly to one side; and Angel repressed a curse as he leaned over the teenager to open the seatbelt latch. Then in one movement he pulled him out of the car and onto the grass several feet away.
A moment after Angel had moved away from the car it went up in a burst of flames, turning night into day with it's bright orange glow. The vampire closed his eyes tightly, unable to believe what had just occurred. The lights of the ambulance and police cars pulled him away from his shock and he stood shakily, wiping the dirt off of his clothes, entirely unaware that the sun would rise in twenty minutes.
"Sir, are you alright?" one of the police man asked of Angel, as the paramedics lifted Xander up onto the gurney.
Fresh waves of guilt, flashes of what the feelings should have been, made conversation rather difficult. Still, Angel managed to shake his head in reply and look around the road that he was on; there was the hotel, only ten feet away, and a telephone. For a moment Angel wondered whether or not he should actually call. Who wouldn't believe that he'd planned this intentionally? It wasn't a secret that he and Xander did not get along, what would prevent the Slayerettes from proclaiming his guilt? After all, what could he possibly say? He hadn't seen the truck, yes, but that was because his mind was clouded by images and emotions that were foreign to him. Angel felt as though he were going insane, and there was nothing he had to hold onto to keep his sanity.
Despite these thoughts, or maybe because of them, Angel ignored the police who were insisting he go to the hospital for a brief examination; after all he was sure they'd find a lot more wrong with him then simple whiplash, and walked towards the telephone in the distance. He had no choice, the Slayerettes had to know what had happened. But it was at that moment he realized sunrise was right around the corner, and he reluctantly decided to wait until next sunset to inform them of what had transpired. He shut his eyes tightly, only to receive more images from a foreign source. Immediately he headed for the sewer systems underground, wishing that he could run from the images as quickly as he could the scene of the accident.
Cordelia sighed as she looked up at Willow, her eyes showing her confusion. "So the nucleus is located in the cell, and the mitochandria is the power house of the cell?" she asked, puzzled and relatively certain she didn't know what she was talking about.
"Yes," Willow replied, smiling at the cheerleader. "I don't see why you failed," she continued, "you have this stuff down cold. You don't need me for a tutor."
"Well, I wasn't really concentrating," Cordelia admitted. "More like thinking of vamps with souls being sucked into Hell, and my boyfriend off to find one of his love interests with said vamp." She rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I must say I'm just amazed at his devotion to me."
Willow shut the Biology book and looked at Cordelia thoughtfully. "If I ask you a mean question are you going to get really angry and start acting like a bitch again?" she began.
Cordelia smiled slightly. "No," she answered simply.
"What . . . " Willow trailed off for a moment, then said quickly, "What caused this change? I mean, two weeks ago you would never be in my room studying for a final exam make up."
Cordelia turned away for a moment, then looked back, obviously not happy with the question. "Truth?" she asked quietly. "Two weeks ago we were attacked by a whole lotta vamps in the library." She offered Willow a thoughtful half smile. "Everyone . . . all of you, you all fought, you all stayed, you all tried your best. I ran like a coward, as fast as my legs could carry me. I . . . I never realized just how shallow I really was. Lots of it was just an act, yeah, but I never knew how much of it wasn't."
"Don't you think you're being a little hard on yourself?" Willow asked, surprised by her own compassion towards someone who, only a few months before, she'd called a slut, a skanky ho and a bitch.
"No," Cordelia answered flatly. "It's time I started growing up. And besides that? Now this is the really socially damaging part, so you have to swear anything I say will never leave this room. Deal?"
"Sure," Willow said automatically.
"I don't want to lose Xander," she admitted. "I know, it's pathetic, but I think I really do love him."
"I do, too," Willow confessed. "Or I thought I did, anyway." She shrugged slightly. "I think it was just because he was really the only friend I had, him and Jesse. And Jesse was obsessed with you, but Xander switched love interests so much, I guess I kinda hoped one day he'd switch over to me." She looked outside suddenly as she heard a large clap of thunder, accompanied by rain and lightning."We're having lots of storms lately," she said thoughtfully.
Cordelia sighed. "Probably some apocolypse thing," she answered, muttering, "What else is new?" under her breath.
Willow smiled at her joke, then closed her eyes for a moment. "Do you think Xander's okay?" she asked Cordelia quietly.
Cordy looked up at Willow in surprise. "Yeah," she replied simply. "Despite Xander's little delusions that the only thing Angel thinks about is biting his neck, I don't think he's in any mortal danger."
"Probably not," Willow agreed reluctantly. "I just . . . I have a bad feeling about this whole thing."
"Yeah, me too," Cordelia was forced to confirm. "Not that Angel'll bite him, or anything, it's just . . . way too much is going on way too quickly. God only knows what else could happen in the next few weeks. Or if things will ever get back to something slightly resembling normalcy."
Willow nodded. "Isn't that the truth," she murmured, then shook her head. "And you have to make up this final tomorrow, and we are way off topic," she added. "Sorry."
"No, it's okay," Cordelia said immediately. "I'm glad, actually. And . . . Willow?" Cordelia's voice was slightly reluctant and the hacker looked up at her curiously. "I'm sorry," she said finally. "About everything I've said about you, everything else. You're a good friend. Xander, Oz and Buffy are lucky to have you."
"So are you," Willow answered quickly, then frowned when she realized what she'd just said. "I mean, not lucky, but . . . " she trailed off and shrugged slightly. "You know what I mean," she said finally.
"Thanks, Willow," Cordelia said quietly. "That means a lot to me."
"Anytime," Willow replied sincerely. Then the two of them returned to the business at hand.
As soon as the sun set Angel left the shelter of the underground and headed straight towards the hospital, his guilt multiplying as he remembered how he'd wished Xander dead only a few short days ago. He walked into the hospital and immediately inquired as to Xander's health, only to be informed that he was listed in critical condition, and they didn't hold out a lot of hope.
Angel closed his eyes tightly, wondering if he wished hard enough all of this, the past few months, would just go away. He would have given anything for that to happen, well, with the exception of his soul, anyway. He knew he'd delayed long enough, and with a soft sigh he headed towards the telephones, wondering just what he was going to say when he called. Nothing came to mind.
With a deep breath to brace himself he picked up the phone and dialed the number to the library, but instead of waiting for it to connect he hung up and turned away for a moment, finding that he was having a hard time going through with it. They had to know, of course. There was no question about that in his mind. The others absolutely had to know. "When it rains, it pours," he murmured quietly to himself, that being the only explanation he could possibly think of as to why this was all happening. Suddenly he found himself, for the first time, seriously regretting listening to Whistler and leaving his life of isolation. If he hadn't, Buffy would still be the same innocent and sweet girl she'd been when they'd first met. If he hadn't, Jenny would still be alive. And if he hadn't, his life would be a thousand times more simple.
Procrastination was leading nowhere, so with another sigh Angel turned back towards the phone, picked it up, and dialed, this time actually waiting until the Watcher picked up the phone. "Hello?"
Angel was silent for a moment, still not exactly thrilled to be talking to Giles. Giles was the one he'd hurt the most, with the exception of Buffy, of course. Everyone would have been so much better off if he'd never come to Sunnydale. "Giles, it's me," he said, finally, and very quietly.
"Good," Giles breathed. "There's something I must tell you."
God, why did he have to be so civil, Angel wondered. Why couldn't he just scream and shout, it would make things so much easier. "I do, too," he told him. "Have to tell you something, I mean. I . . . " he trailed off, then decided the best way to say it would be to just say it. "Xander's in the hospital." For a moment he felt an almost childish need to proclaim immediately that it wasn't his fault, that he hadn't done anything; but he knew even as he thought it that it was a lie. "There was a car accident," he clarified, at the very least letting Giles know it wasn't his fangs that had caused this latest problem.
"A car accident?" Giles echoed, sounding doubtful.
Angel was slightly offended, for a second anyway, until he remembered that he had no right to be even the slightest bit defensive. After what he'd done he should have been grateful that all of the Slayerettes, and the Slayer herself, weren't planning his death. He shuddered slightly at the thought. He'd never feared death until he'd experienced Hell personally, and even though he couldn't remember it, he knew he never, ever wanted to return. "Yeah," he said, finally.
"How is he?" Giles queried.
"He's listed in critical condition," Angel replied. "I don't really know anything more."
"Well, what happened?"
Angel was silent for a moment, then decided that for Buffy's sake, at least, he should confess. "I had this . . . flash," he explained. "I can't really explain it."
"It probably has something to do with the bond," Giles replied. "That's what I needed to tell you. The bond is a lot stronger than I had thought, even with the connection of true love, I didn't realize how powerful it truly was. Buffy has to be found, immediately, and the bond must be broken."
"What aren't you telling me?" Angel asked, slightly suspicious. If it had been just himself he was worried about he wouldn't have said anything, but Buffy was involved in this; and he refused to ever let anything or anyone ever hurt her again.
Giles sighed slightly, then began to explain in detail. "If I'm right," he began cautiously, "and it's possible I'm not, but if I am, I fear we may have another problem. The bond combined with true love, pure love, creates a potent energy between the two people involved in the casting of the spell." He paused, and Angel realized he had slipped completely and totally into Watcher/Librarian mode. There was no hesitation as he continued, and the realization that it was his Slayer in danger didn't effect his research recitations. "This combination can very well be lethal, not physically, but emotionally, psychologically. It has been recorded that people involved in the bond and the connection in one have on occasion gone completely mad. It's more than just sensing location, or emotion, or anything of the sort, far more. If the connection of true love is strong enough, and I'm rather certain in yours and Buffy's case it is, the minds can, over time, completely merge, until the two bodies are being controlled entirely by one connected mind."
Angel was rather lost, and said so. "I don't get it," he confessed, sounding puzzled.
"The minds become one, until no thought, no emotion, no feeling, nothing at all is private. This is rare, and will only occur if the connection of true love is much stronger than normal. None of the usual rules of love apply in situations such as these." Giles finally seemed to realize he was getting more than a little long-winded, and shortened his explanation to, "If the bond isn't broken soon, both Buffy and yourself will more likely than not wind up completely insane."
Angel wasn't quite sure what to say to that, so decided to avoid the topic all together. "I can't find her," he admitted. "Not now, at least. I need to rent another car, and I don't want to leave." He opted to not say what he was thinking aloud, namely he wanted to make sure he hadn't destroyed yet another life.
Giles spoke up quietly, "What hospital is Xander at?" he asked. Angel gave him the name of the hospital, and where it was located. "We'll be out tomorrow night." By 'we' Angel knew very well Giles planned on bringing the rest of the Slayerettes along, and Angel sighed. There went all of his plans of avoiding all of them and returning to the simplicity of enforced isolation. The Watcher hung up and Angel did as well, leaning against the wall and feeling more than slightly tired, despite the fact that he'd spent the day sleeping. He knew it was due to hunger, it had been at least two and a half days since he'd had anything to eat, but he refused to give in to the demons needs. Hunger was a tangible feeling, and since it was the only thing he could feel on a deeper level, he rather appreciated it. What he didn't appreciate was the pounding headache he knew now was due to the bond he had agreed to form so rashly. He should have known better than to agree so quickly to the binding ritual. Despite what he had done to Giles, he had done far more to Buffy, and doing a favor for Giles that hurt Buffy was something he never should have even considered. It never even crossed his mind that he'd had no idea at the time that the bond would hurt her, all he thought of was how he'd been out of Hell less than a week, and already things were far worse than they'd been when he'd left this plane of existance.