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The candle light flickered in the darkened library, bringing a mysterious feel to it. I silently watched Giles hand each of us our candles. He kissed Buffy's forehead as he passed the white one to her. She smiled at him, shaky and nervous, but confident in what she was about to do. I wasn't confident anymore. I was scared.
I could tell that Xander was, too. His eyes were lit by the flame of the black candle he was holding, but his face was dark. The expression of determination didn't fool me, he was shaking inside. I could feel the tremors in his heart.
Giles leaned down and very quickly drew three medium sized chalk circles in one large circle on the floor. He directed Buffy to one and Xander to the other, leaving one empty. They followed immediately, standing quietly in their places. The rest of us were supposed to stand around the circle and concentrate. I was concentrating as much as I could. It wasn't hard to focus in that kind of a setting.
Giles placed the copper plate on the floor next to Buffy, right outside of her circle. When he spoke, his voice was hushed, apparently not wanting to ruin the solemn atmosphere. "When I say to do something, do it right away. No hesitation. It could prove to devastate the entire spell." Buffy nodded calmly.
He handed the book to Buffy. She took it in a trembling hand. Buffy gulped and took a deep breath and started to read. "In the light of two joined hearts, mine and his, he will be set free. From the innocence of his soul, Hell cannot have him. In the sacrifice of my love, he will return." Giles gestured sharply and Buffy placed her wedding ring on the plate beside her. A tear fell off her face and landed on the ring as it had done before.
This time the glow started slowly. Each pair of eyes fastened on the incredible transformation. The silver shined and flickered, becoming brighter with each passing second. It shimmered and flared, nearly igniting from the pure light it set off. The ring began to smoke and sizzle. It was beautiful.
Giles finally tore his eyes away from the extraordinary sight and whispered an indication to Buffy that she should finish. Keeping her eyes on the glistening, blazing ring, she spoke the last words. Giles eyes widened at the same time mine did. She wasn't looking at the book. She knew the words she spoke intuitively. Amazing...
"By my love, I COMMAND you let go of his soul. By my love, I DEMAND you release him. By OUR LOVE, I compel him to return to me. NOW!" Before our eyes she stood, not one, not the other, but both together. The Slayer and The Wife. The full circle had been drawn. She was a formidable force to be dealt with, both her love and her duty combined. As she continued to chant 'now', her voice growing louder each time, she herself began to glow like the ring. A light swiftly filled her soul, giving her the words not known, but needed. She began to cry out her words. "BY THE LOVE IN MY TEARS YOU WILL COME BACK TO ME, ANGEL! COME BACK TO ME! BY MY SACRIFICE IT IS DONE!" Her eyes got bright, shining, incandescent, radiating power and love and confidence. Her skin was a brilliant gold pink and her tears burned sliver on her cheeks.
The air began to whip around us frantically, the light filtering in through the cracks in the blinds disappearing as the clouds covered the sun. The wind was ferocious, and yet, somehow, the flame of each candle still burned, a steady source of light. The wind approached a frightened speed and force and volume and I could no longer hear the words Buffy was screaming. The pitch of the wind deafened me. I watched, struggling to remain standing as the tears the had fallen on the ring consumed it in a sudden flash of fire. The air around Buffy crackled as she screamed one final time, defeating the noise of the wind with her voice. "NOW!"
The wind went silent and all went dark as our candles finally snuffed out. Not by the wind, but by her plea. I took a moment to get my bearings and realized that I had been knocked to the ground in that last second. I got slowly to my feet, stumbling.
Giles recovered and asked if everyone was all right. I heard various voices answer him, but no Buffy. She didn't answer and still remained silent as Giles called out he name. "Buffy? Buffy! Oh, dear God, answer me!" He frantically re-lit the candles and looked around.
He rested his eyes on her and stopped talking. Everyone stopped talking. Time itself seemed to stop as we beheld the sight.
There was Buffy, holding an unconscious, badly burned Angel tenderly in her arms. She was in the third circle, once empty but now occupied with both of them. As if their love was a visible and tangible thing, I could see and feel it, radiating off of them in waves. Sparkles in the air, it looked like. My heart was too full to take anymore beauty and I couldn't hold onto my tears any longer.
Buffy stroked his skull where his hair had been burned off and kissed his scorched cheek. She looked up triumphantly, not seeming to see his injuries. Her word came out proud and strong. "Angel."
He still wasn't moving. Not a flicker of of movement in the body she held to her. I started to wonder if he had been killed. If he was dead... I looked inside myself to the bond that had seemed to tie me to everyone since I had regained consciousness. I felt no life in Angel. The torment had been too great. I almost felt numb, suddenly, and very, very cold. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what would happen.
My eyes wandered to the sword that had been spit out beside him. It laid on the ground uselessly, not striking fear into Buffy even as she surveyed it. She simply looked at it calmly and returned her eyes to her unconscious (my heart screamed dead) husband.
Someone moving at my side caught my gaze and I realized that it was Xander. He walked forward slowly and picked up the sword. I suddenly knew what he was going to do, and I started forward to stop him. Cordelia caught my arm. I looked in her eyes and saw that she knew, too. She was talking, whispering, but I didn't hear her words. I heard her heart. You love him like I do. He has to do this, Willow. We have to let him.
I struggled against her briefly before giving up and standing motionlessly at her side. She was right. If we didn't let him do this, we would never know what could have happened and that would have been unforgivable.
I watched in silent horror as Xander looked at the sword. He closed his eyes, preparing himself with any resolve, any strength he might find. A tear slipped out from under his eyelid and I wanted to rush to him to wipe it away, but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't do anything now.
Xander lifted the sword and his opposite arm and sliced his wrist with one clean motion. The blood gushed out, dripping on the floor, and he tried to cover his wound with his hand as he walked over to Angel. He knelt down beside Buffy and she adjusted to give him easier access.
Xander placed his bleeding wrist on Angel's mouth and used his other hand to work open his lips and jaws. Xander's blood, the blood of the betrayer, poured down Angel's throat. Xander winced suddenly and I felt something inside of me flicker to life as Angel latched onto the wrist against his lips.
Angel fed greedily, his hands reaching up to pull Xander's wrist even closer. A ribbon of blood trickled down the side of his cheek. I stared at the sight. Angel was losing his injuries as rapidly as he fed from Xander. His hair grew back, his skin was restored to it's pale color. All evidence of the fire of Hell disappeared within minutes. Xander's eyes began to fall shut as Angel continued drinking his blood.
I realized it quickly. If Angel kept feeding from Xander, Xander would die. I yanked my arm away from Cordelia and ran over to where they were. I pulled Angels hands off of Xander's wrist and tugged his still bleeding wound away from the vampire's hungry mouth. I felt it inside of me. Angel was okay. He needed no more. Of course, it had nothing to do with the fact that I was scared and trembling and on the verge of passing out. Of course.
It was then that I understood the weight of Xander's repentance. That he was willing to give up his life. That he was sorry, in every way a person can be. That he would accept whatever fate he was handed because of what he had done. But what Xander didn't know was that by doing all of this, he was no longer the Betrayer... He was the forgiven.
The world slipped away from me as I cradled a nearly unconscious Xander in my arms. I quickly tore off the lower part of my blouse to tie it around his wrist and then turned to him, brushing the hair away from his face. He opened his eyes and looked at me blearily. "You seem like a dream..." He whispered and then went limp.
Cordelia started weeping and ran over to us, falling on her knees beside him. Her eyes pleaded with mine and I found myself helping her take him into her arms. She gathered him as best she could and started speaking quiet reassurances to him as Giles quickly called an ambulance.
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Waiting for the ambulance, I felt something pump in my heart. Something full of life and vitality. Something long dead, resurrected. I felt Angel's heartbeat.
I looked over to where Buffy was still cradling him, despite the fact that he was awake and... alive and.... breathing. I started laughing hysterically. It just seemed like I couldn't take anymore shock or pressure or beauty or sadness. My mind overwhelmed me.
Oz tried to take me in his arms to soothe me, not quite sure why I was laughing and pointing at Angel. I shook him off, still pointing. Giles followed my shaking finger to the couple in each other's arms and gasped after a staring quizzically for a moment. "Oh, dear God."
Buffy looked up at Giles and, seeming to realize suddenly, she screamed, a shriek of delight and disbelief. Giles ran over to the desk. He flipped frantically to the page of the prophesy and read the passage aloud, his voice shaking. I managed to get my laughter under control to listen.
"In the time that comes, in the echo of a day gone past, he can return. In the time that comes, with the Wife's sacrifice of friendship, loyalty and love and the Betrayer's true remorse, he lives again. In the time that comes, with the Betrayer's knowledge of what to do, his heart will beat once more...." he trailed off, uncertain about what to do. "I am such a fool. I didn't even see the text, and it was so plain in front of my face!" He slammed the book down roughly on the table.
Angel got to his feet, tightly holding Buffy's hand. Completely healed, he stood tall and tested his walking strength. Fine. He breathed in deeply, grinning like a fool. That worked, too. He started to look like a child on Christmas, opening a long awaited gift. He let go of Buffy's hand and flew by me to the weapon's cage and took out a bottle of Holy water from the shelf. He poured it on his arm, automatically wincing in expectation of pain. There was none.
Buffy shrieked again and ran into his waiting arms. He held her closely and whispered words of love and apology and hope to her. She cried into his neck as he stroked her back softly. Joyce teared up again and went into Giles's office in search for more Kleenex. The moment was so poignant and happy. I nearly started laughing again.
I looked down at a still bleeding Xander and sobered immediately. He was in critical condition, I could tell. He had lost a lot of blood. Too much blood? I fiercely hoped not as I leaned down to take his pulse, vaguely noticing the sirens in the backround.
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We sat and stood and paced in the waiting room with complete impatience. Angel held Buffy, darting me glances as if he was thinking that I would blame him. Other than what he spoke to Buffy in those few moments at the library, and the soft thank you he issued to the rest of us, he remained silent. Brooding. Feeling bad. I walked over to him in two strides once I realized that, and slapped him hard across the face. The feeling of it didn't faze him in the least; it was what he had been expecting. But not for the reason I did it.
Buffy gasped. "Will--"
I interrupted her by grabbing the lapels of the borrowed tweed jacked Angel was wearing. I shoved my face into his and nearly hissed as I spoke. "Stop it!" Stop! You have nothing to feel guilty for. It wasn't you! It wasn't." He looked at me, bewildered by the source of my anger. My voice softened. "Angel do you remember our conversation? You yourself said that your mind was raped by the demon. How could you have helped it? How?"
He lowered his eyes from my demanding gaze and mumbled, "There could have been a way. I should have found a way." I released him as Buffy placed her palm flat on his cheek, cradling his face softly.
"Angel. How were you supposed to find a way that didn't exist?" Her voice was filled with love and compassion.
He crushed her into his arms and held her tightly. No one spoke again until the doctor came.
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Xander made it. Much to my surprise, the one I immediately embraced was Cordelia. I'm not saying, of course, that I don't like Cordelia. We have all been through so much together. It's hard not to feel respect and admiration for anyone who manages to stay alive in our world. But crying with her over the boy we both loved, astounded me in a way that I had had yet to experience. Probably the only way.
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After a short visit with Xander, we were forced out by the hospital staff, claiming Xander needed his rest. I was shocked to discover by looking at the wall clock, that it was only midnight. Only. Part of me couldn't believe that so little time had passed, and part couldn't grasp that so much had.
Joyce offered Giles a ride home which he accepted readily. They both seemed to understand intuitively that Buffy and Angel needed time. Time to talk, really talk, time to heal their relationship. I didn't think it would be happening right away, though. I smiled as I watched the pair gazing at each other lovingly. No, now was a time to show the unconditional love they felt for each other. They would hold hands and look at each other in fondness and they would kiss. That's what this time was for. The more serious stuff would come later.
Cordelia decided to stay at the hospital in case Xander woke up and needed her. I felt and an overpowering appreciation for her in the moment she told me that, maybe she did deserve Xander, after all.
Oz led me down his van. He had ridden over in it with me when Cordelia had asked to ride in the ambulance. I got in, not really knowing what to say. My word supply for the next year had left me. My heart was tired, as was my body and I was scared of what I would say to Oz, for the second time in two days. A part of me knew we had something to discuss.
We drove to my house in silence. The air was heavy with my expectation and, I supposed, my dread. Me, hacker Willow, the studybuddy, the girl who had read the dictionary at age nine was at a loss for words.
Oz parked his van next to my curb and I turned to him slowly. He tilted my chin up with his hand and looked me squarely in the face. I blinked back some sudden tears at the look of love he gave me, I knew I didn't deserve it, loving two people at once. I wasn't being fair. To him or anyone.
"Willow, I love you," he said simply. "I love you so much it scares me when I think about it. I've never known anyone like you in my entire life. You're sweet and smart and pretty and selfless." I dropped my eyes from his and blushed, confused. "I love you. But I need to know if you're sure that you love me. Because I don't want you to be in this relationship if you will only end up hating me and feeling bitter because you're in love with another man. So if you don't want to be with me, let me know."
There it was. That thing about Oz that made me love him in the first place. I didn't know what to call it, but it didn't matter. It was just him. It was his Oz-ness, his utter love for me, him wanting to make sure I was happy before he thought about himself. But that's what I wanted for him, too.
I took a deep breath and let out a sigh. "Oz, I know these last few days have been confusing, but I love you. I don't know about anything in our future, I don't even know if we'll be alive, but I know that I love you now. I love you so much for being you in the way that only you can." He smiled. "And I want to be with you now. That's what I want. I want this thing between us, this.. love to grow." His smiled widened with each word I spoke.
"Okay, then." He kissed me softly on the mouth; sweetly. "Okay, then, Willow, we'll take it one day at a time." We kissed again before I got out of the van. He whispered that he loved me before I shut the door and I grinned my reply.
Oz waited until I got inside to zoom off. The house was dark and I was insanely thankful that my parents weren't awake. Talking to them then was not something high on my priority list. I was too tired, all I wanted was sleep.
I flopped on my bed, fully dressed, and contemplated what Oz had said. One day at at a time. That was the way things should be taken. I thought briefly about Xander, thought about our kiss and confessions before gently pushing the thoughts out of my mind. I used to want to do everything at once. I was like a kid in the candy shop, wanting to taste everything, not thinking about getting sick later. One day at a time. One thing at a time. It was a great realization.
As I drifted off to sleep, I was glad that I had woken up.