Buffy went to the Bronze. When she got there, she realized that every time she went to the Bronze, it was pretty damn boring. For some reason, all these lame bands that no one had ever heard of played there. And the same lame extras were always there too. And Cordelia was there. That could make any place suck.
"Like, this town should get a new club!" Buffy said.
Like, she didn't say it to anyone in particular, so like, all these people just kind of looked at her. "Oh, it's that freak Buffy," they said and laughed and then they engaged in more teenage alcohol consumption.
Buffy like, walked around or something for a little bit, but what she did was pretty boring and not worth talking about. Then she saw Angel. And then they shared a very passionate kiss and right in the middle of the dance floor they got it on.
And well, you know what happened next.
Like, all these people who were dancing didnt see them on the ground, so like they got stepped on, and they realized then, that they were into S & M. So, like, they went to the back of the Bronze because there in the back there existed this little S & M club. Sometimes, Buffy saw Giles there with Ms. Calendar. She tied him up with black leather ropes and spanked him with old, dirty books. Sometimes, Buffy let Giles spank her when she was a bad slayer.
Sometimes, Willow joined in on the spanking. She would research different methods from ancient techniques such as Kama Sutra. But she would only watch, for the only person she wanted to be spanked by was Xander. But Xander was too busy being spanked by JessieMan.
That is, until JessieMan died. Then he just spanked himself. But when he was leader of the Pack, he made them all do ritualistic spanking on him. They even spanked Principal Flutie before they ate him. It made the rump meat more tender :)...
Oh yeah, back to Buffy. Sorry about that.
Luckily for Buffy and Angel, Ms. Calendar and Giles were already there, so they didnt have to set up
the spanking equipment. But before they could get to it, Buffy and Angel sensed a vampire near.
< dun duh duh dun >
"Like, there is a vampire coming!" Buffy said.
"Yeah, babe, I sure am," Angel moaned.
"Ewww," Buffy said. "Like, I meant that there was a vampire on the way."
"Oh." But then Angel said "Unh uhn ohhhhhhhhhhh yeah!"
The vampire came. And then the other vampire came. Into the room. Buffy fought him. She grabbed her stake.
"Th-th-that's a phallic symbol" Giles st-st-stuttered.
Buffy killed the vampire. Then they partied. Because she saved the world. So she said they should party. So they did.
Meanwhile, you may be asking where Xander and Willow are. Well, since they had had so much fun watching the zebras mate at the zoo, they had gone back and gotten membership passes. The zebras were no longer mating, but now it was orangutan season, so at least they had something to watch.
While at the orangutan cage, the horny male orangutan grabbed Willow through the bars.
"Xander, help me!" she yelled.
Xander didn't notice. He was too busy being upset becauase his tweety bird watch had broken.
"XANDER!" She yelled.
Xander saw what was happening. After standing frozen like a popsicle stick, he finally said "I'll go get Buffy." So he ran and got Buffy. Cause that was what he said he would do.
Xander ran to the Bronze, but he didn't make it there right away because he ran into Owen.
"Sorry, OwenMan," he said.
"Where are you going so quickly, Xander?" Owen said conversationally.
"Uh...to the Bronze.I was supposed to meet Buffy there a long time ago, but I forgot," he lied.
"You should wear a watch. Here take mine."
"No, OwenMan, that's okay, I have my own."
OwenMan looked at Xander's wrist and saw the broken tweety watch. "Dude, that watch kicks ass! I bet all the chicks dig it........wanna trade?"
Xander got to the Bronze, his new groovy watch in his hand. He saw Buffy draped all over Angel on the dance floor. Cordelia was nearby, trying to slip a banana peel under Buffy's groovy boot heel.
"Yo, Buffmeister!" Xander called. "Stop making out with a corpse and go get Willow. There's this big wiggy ape that is trying to mate with her."
"I didn't know Cordelia liked Willow *that* much!" Buffy joked.
"Ha ha, very funny." Xander said. "Hey!" he yelled at Angel, who was staring at something that wasn't at all close to Xander, "stop looking at my neck like that! It isn't cool AngelMan. Or shall I say, AngelVamp."
Angel got really pissed and sucked his blood. Xander died.
Okay, just kidding. Angel just sat there and perfected his dark, brooding and cryptic vampire look. He got many brooding points, almost enough to catch up with Assisstant Director Walter Skinner. But he was still way behind that Michael guy from La Femme Nikita.
"I wonder if he washed his hair today," Xander wondered.
"Okay, so what, don't I get any time at all for a social life!" Buffy whined. "I mean, I can't be running off to save my friends' lives every hour of every day! I deserve a break!"
"B-b-b-Buffy," Giles in-in-interrupted, "I'm afraid that you can't mix your social life with your work."
'Fine!" Buffy said in exasperation,. and they headed to the door. On the way out, some guy was passing out buttons that said "I'm a Slayer; ask me how!"
"How?" Xander asked.
The guy gave him a sour look. "It wasn't meant to be taken literally."
"Oh," Xander said. He flet like a fool. Actually, he *felt* like a fool.
"Huh, he probably feels like a fool," Angel whispered to Buffy.
They rushed to the zoo. Because it was Sunnydale, we all must assume that they just walked because Sunnydale is about the size of a closet. You can walk anywhere you want, and get there in two seconds. It makes it a really convenient place to base TV shows because that way the writers don't have to worry about how three kids with no drivers licenses manage to save the world.
So then they get to the zoo, and they see these orangutans have Willow. Buffy ran up to the cage. "Like, I demand that you let go of my bud, Willow."
"Why?" the orangutan asked back.
"Whoa, Giles," Buffy whispered. "Why did that ape just talk?!"
"W-w-well, according to this old, dusty book I have, it says that apes are able to communicate with the dead. That they can sometimes be possessed by spirits of dead humans."
"Giles, that is like, totally bogus! There have been some pretty lame excuses for odd occurences on this show, but that just takes the cake."
"Yeah," Xander said, not quite knowing what was going on but wanting to seem like he knew, "what kind of funk and wagnall book said that?"
Giles wiped the dust off the book. "The title is 'Greatest Stories of Ye Olde National Enquirer, 1635-1750'" He frowned at the book. "I just assumed that if it was old, it must be right."
Here a great discussion ensued about the usefulness of reference books in modern times, until the banter was interrupted by Willow.
"Uh, guys...uh, this ape wants me to have his ape-baby..help me?" Willow swallowed nervously. "Uh, please?" she added meekly.
"Oh, geez, Willow," Buffy said in alarm. She walked up to the ape and talked to him through the bars. "Okay, so like, listen to me. There is this girl named Cordelia, she's pretty and all but she is a real bitch. No one would really mind if she was gone. So instead of possessing the body of a gross, nasty, monkey, why don;t you just go and possess her body? I mean, if it;s sex you want, then its the perfect deal because she is a real slut."
The ape nodded. "That is a good idea!" he said. "I think I will go do that." He released Willow, who fainted. Xander caught her in his arms. All of a sudden, he realized that having Willow in his arms felt good. And after all, now that JessieMan was dead, he sure wasn't getting any. So he might as well get some with Willow. He kissed her.
Willow immediately revived. She kissed him back. Then she ran away, calling over her shoulder, "I'll be back! I just have to go and tell my internet friends about this!"
They all laughed at Willow in a good hearted manner. Those internet people were just so darn amusing sometimes!
"I- i - I think that this calls for a celebration!" Giles said enthusiasticly. "Let's go, as you young people say it, 'party-hardy!"
Xander, Angel, and Buffy all looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Xander was heard mumbling under his breath, "Stop looking at my neck, AngelVamp."
Buffy turned to Giles. "Okay, here's the deal. Me, Xander, and Angel are gonna go party. Youget to go and read some books at the library. It'll be fun!"
Giles smiled. "G-g-great!"
"Alright then. If the apocalypse comes, beep me." They all sauntered off, leaving the pathetically uncool Giles all alone.
Suddenly, Giles realized that they had tricked him. He sighed. "Oh well. M-m-maybe next time."
< Stay tuned for scenes from the next episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." >
THE END