RATING: PG
CONTENT: violence/sexual references
SPOILER WARNINGS: Angel, season 1 'Sanctuary', Buffy seasons 3 - 4 inclusive.
SUMMARY: Faith tries to escape her surroundings.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, Joss and Co do. The opening poem is Sonnet XI by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. The poem lines within the fic are my own.

Unworthy
By Ezra
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'And therefore if to love can be desert
I am not all unworthy. Cheeks as pale
As these you see, and trembling knees that fail
To bear the burden of a heavy heart...
O Beloved, it is plain
I am not of thy worth nor for thy place!
And yet, because I love thee, I obtain
From that same love this vindicating grace
To live on still in love, and yet in vain -
To bless thee, yet renounce thee to thy face.'
She kissed her golden-haired lover gently, her lips brushing against warm skin, then relaxed back into the pillow. Her dark eyes, once sad and angry and full of pain, never strayed from the face of the one sleeping next to her.

So beautiful, so...perfect. Everything that she had wanted first, to be admired by, and later simply to be. The hero, courageous and noble who everyone loved and respected. The one who people wanted to be around, the one who had people to be around. Buffy had all that and so much more. And she had Faith, too, but she hadn't ever known it. Buffy had no idea how badly the rogue warrior had needed the older Slayer. Or how desperately she wanted Buffy to need her. Even when she was betraying her. Things could have been different.

If I could give the stars to you, would you love me?

Buffy's eyes fluttered open at the familiar touch, and she looked over at her companion.

"Faith" she whispered, and smiled lazily. Faith still felt a nervous tremor run through her body whenever Buffy smiled at her. She knew how powerful, how wonderful this creature was, and it thrilled her that Buffy was with her, and only her. No Angel, no Riley, just Buffy and Faith, the Chosen two, the way it should be.

"Hey B" she replied quietly, and brushed a strand of gold hair off the other Slayer's face. "You wanna go hunt some demons?" she asked, and was glad when Buffy nodded, that wicked glint appearing in her eye.

If I could make it rain for you, would you love me?

Hours later, the two Slayers burst through the door laughing, the rain-water dripping off their drenched clothing. Faith tried to speak as she grinned, but it wasn't easy. When was the last time she had laughed like this? Close to never.

"And did you see his face when you dusted that huge vamp?!" Buffy was exclaiming, and started imitating the expression, causing the raven-haired Slayer to snort with laughter.

"I know!" Faith crowed, "and what about when you did that kick-ass backflip, that was totally awesome, B."

Buffy smiled self-consciously, "I've never had this much fun patrolling before." she replied, looking at Faith with complete sincerity. "I'm glad we sorted things out." she added. A moment passed before Faith moved towards her with a Slayer's grace, and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

"Yeah, me too. Now its just you and me, girlfriend, you and me against the world." she said before running a hand down the side of the blonde girl's face, and leaning in to press her hopeful mouth to Buffy's, who responded passionately, setting Faith's wild heart racing.

If I could take the pain away, would you love me?

Faith sighed, lying sated next to the girl who ran her small hands through the younger Slayer's hair. Being with Buffy was the most amazing feeling, so sweet and powerful. Faith closed her eyes, allowing the sensations to wash over her, and for the first time that she could remember she felt happy, wanted. Like she mattered.

"Faith" she heard the low voice from behind her, and turned her head slightly. "I love you" she heard Buffy whisper, and for a moment everything grew still before Faith closed her dark eyes against the tears welling up within them.

If I could turn the night to day, would you love me?

A single hot tear rolled down Faith's pale skin as she lay in her prison cell, her eyes closed tight against her sterile surroundings, as she escaped from the world where she had screwed up all her life, where she was hated, unwanted and unneeded. The world where she couldn't bear to look at herself in the mirror, and Buffy would never, ever utter the words she so desperately ached to hear.

She shook her head suddenly, a coldness entering her eyes as she violently pushed away the desperate sadness that she felt, only to replace it with a rage so potent that it felt like a living thing surging through her body.

"No" she growled to herself through gritted teeth. "No, I wont do this..." She shook her head again, raising one hand to scratch against her forehead as though to claw out the offending thoughts.
"You're disgusting!" she spat vehemently to herself in the quiet air of her cell. "You're disgusting." The harsh words became an angry mantra in her head as she closed her eyes once more.

And she knew she deserved her own torment.

For I would do it all, if you'd love me.

end

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