RATING: PG
CHARACTER: Angel
SPOILER WARNINGS: The Gift
SUMMARY: Angel's feeling after the news of Buffy's death
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Joss Wedon, Fox/UPN, Mutant
Enemy and a few others. I own nothing, I'm just borrowing them.

The Cause
By Heather
----- //Lyrics//

//Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me, it could be for anything
I didn't ask for money, or a mansion in Malibu
I simply asked for one more day with you

One more day, one more time
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again, I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still for one more day with you

The first thing I'd do is pray for time to cry
I'd unplug the telephone and keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second and say a million "I love you's"
That what I'd do with one more day with you

One more day, one more time
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again, I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still for one more day with you//


"It's Buffy..."

That one statement, caused my world to crash down around me. I
went from being fairly content, since I was finally overcoming
what I am and seeing what I could be, to being completely lost.

I always thought that I would feel it if something happened to
her. I thought that I would know the instant that her soul was
no longer bound to this earth. But, I didn't. I didn't feel
it. I didn't know.

And it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I just knew there had to be an explanation. There was no way
that she was really gone. I could still feel her everywhere
around me, inside me. I looked at Willow, silently begging her
to tell me that I was wrong.

Somewhere inside my mind, I realized that I was looking up at
her. It was then that I realized that I had fallen to my knees.
Feeling as if I wasn't myself, like I was an outsider looking
in, I looked at my friends. I looked at Wesley and Cordelia,
who had rushed to my side --as always. I looked at Gunn and
Fred, who both looked shaken and confused. Then, I looked at
Willow, who still hadn't told me I was wrong. She also hadn't
moved from where she was standing.

I looked into her eyes and saw the emptiness and pain that I
felt swallowing me whole. Without warning, she began to speak.
Her voice was hollow. There was nothing in it that reminded me
of the girl I knew as Buffy's best friend.

"Yesterday, Glory kidnapped Dawn. She needed her blood to open
a portal back into her own demention. But Dawns blood wouldn't
just open her world, it would open all of the dementional
walls--bring hell to Earth."

"Once the blood began to flow, the only way to close the portal
was to stop the blood flow, kill Dawn. We tried to get there
before she started the ritual, but we failed. Buffy refused to
hurt Dawn. She wouldn't sacrifice her loved one for the world,
again."

Willow paused, and finally her eyes seemed to focus, on me. She
knew the pain that her tale was causing me. I nodded slightly,
letting her know it was all right to continue. She seemed to
gather her thoughts momentarily, then continued.

"At the last minute, Buffy remember what she had been told about
Dawn. The monks used Buffy to make Dawn. That meant that they
were the same, shared the same blood. She jumped into the
portal to close it and save the world. Again."

Tears began to run down her face as she finished, "She did it.
The portal closed and we were all safe. She protected us, one
more time."

She walked forward and knelt down in front of me. I slowly
reached forward and pulled her into my arms, trying to bring her
comfort and receive some in return. I felt her tears on my
shoulder and realized that I also had tears running down my face
as I listened to her whisper, "I'm so sorry, Angel", over and
over.

After a while, she pulled away and stood up. "I have to get
back home. The funeral is tomorrow night. We wanted you and
Spike to be able to attend. Will you be there?"

I nodded without looking up. I heard Willow speaking to
Cordelia and Wesley, but none it mattered to me. Everything
around me was moving in slow motion, and yet, I couldn't focus
on anything. The only thought in my mind was that she was gone.
Everything we went through, and everything we gave up, didn't
matter. It had all been for nothing.

I managed to make it to my feet. I could feel the others' eyes
on me, but there was nothing to say to them. Slowly, I climbed
the stairs and made my way to my room. I made my way here.

To my journal.

This is the place that I have documented my life since I left
Sunnydale, left Buffy. It was supposed to be a kind of record.
All the things that I had gone through to gain my redemption.
The things I did to be worthy of her love and to make my way
back to her.

This will be the last entry.

I will continue to fight, continue her fight. She believed in
it enough to give her own life, that's a good enough reason for
me to take up her torch. I will protect her friend, protect the
world, all in her name. I'll fight for her cause.

There will be no more fights for my cause, because it no longer
exists.

My reason for fighting is gone.

~Angel

//One more day, one more time
One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again, I know what it would do.
Leave me wishing still for one more day...
Leave me wishing still for one more day...
Leave me wishing still for one more day...with you.//

The End

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