Disclaimer in part one
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PART TWO
I wish I could say that things were easy after that. That Cordelia was able to pick up the pieces and move on with her life. Move on with me. But I've learned that things are never easy.
After the first night Angel went back to his place. Cordelia was still hurting pretty badly so I stayed to help where I could. Finally, after two weeks of helping her dress, spending the day together and then sleeping with her in my arms at night, she insisted I go home. I listened to her and returned to the cold rooms I had seen only in passing for the previous two weeks. I lasted until one in the morning before grabbing a change of clothes and making my way back to where I felt I belonged. As soon as I entered the apartment I could hear that she was having nightmares. "Cordelia, come on luv, wake up."
She came awake with a start as I pulled the tangled, sweaty sheets away from her. "He was here. He was here."
"Oh sweetheart, you see why I didn't want to leave?" I pulled her gently from the bed and pushed her in the direction of the bathroom. "Go get cleaned up. I'll put some fresh sheets on the bed." Turning around I saw that Dennis had already begun stripping the bed linens. "You know Dennis, I don't think I've ever really thanked you for everything. But I really do appreciate it." The radio clicked onto my favorite blues station so I assumed the friendly spirit was saying you're welcome.
After that there was never any question of where I spent my nights. No matter where I was or what I was doing I always made sure to return to Cordelia's in time to go to bed with her. The few times I couldn't make it in time she stayed awake and waited for me rather then face her nightmares.
In fact, it was her idea that I move in with her permanently. About two months after the attack I was looking for a stamp to send in my rent check. "Don't you think it's a bit nuts to be sending in rent money for an apartment you're never in?" she asked as she rooted through her desk in search of a stamp for me.
"Well it certainly beats living on the streets."
"Yeah, but you're not living on the streets. You're living with me. It'd be better for both of us if we split one rent instead of scrapping by with two."
I looked at her carefully. "You're sure about this?"
I guess she thought that I thought things were changing between us. "Things aren't going to be any different then they are now. I'm not ready for that. I'm sorry."
"Cordelia, whatever you want is fine with me," I assured her. "I just like being with you."
"Okay then. But I'm not giving up my closet space."
Laughing, I kissed her forehead then ripped up my rent check. "I wouldn't expect you to."
That was a good day. But there were other days when her moods swung from deep despair to outright fury. It was only at night, when I held her close in my arms, that she had any measure of peace.
The day Kate came by to update us on the status of the police investigation was a bad day. Kate was both apologetic and outraged as she paced and explained that due to lack of evidence the DA had decided not to press charges.
"What do you mean lack of evidence?" Angel demanded.
"I mean that without solid evidence to prove they were together the DA has decided that there's nothing we can do. It's Cordelia's word against his."
"Let me guess," Cordelia said. "He has someone else swearing that they were with him."
I was furious and didn't trust myself to speak. I had promised Cordelia I would let the system get this guy. Now it seemed like the system was failing her. My eyes met Angel's across the room. I could see that his thoughts mirrored mine and in that instant we made our plans.
"You're right. There's some little redheaded thing that's claiming she was with him the whole night. I'm sorry Cordelia. There's nothing more I can do."
"Thanks Kate, for trying at least. Angel I'm gonna go for awhile. 'Kay?"
"Sure Cordelia," Angel said gently. "Whatever you want."
I started to follow her but stopped as she shook her head. I sat back knowing that I would hold her that night.
Kate waited until we heard the front door close before she assumed a position I recognized as her lecture mode. As she turned to face us Angel and I tried to put on our most innocent expressions. "Don't try and play innocent with me. I imagine I have a pretty good idea of what you're planning."
"Who us? We're law-abiding citizens. If the police can't find enough evidence to find him guilty, who are we to play judge and jury?" Angel asked bitterly.
"Listen," Kate said as she knelt in front of me. "I know you want to hurt this guy. Hell, I'd love to help you. He's a smarmy little bastard that definitely needs his ass kicked and then some. But not now. There's been too much attention on him. If anything happens to him now they're going to come looking right at you. Doyle, you're not going to help Cordelia if you're in jail."
I nodded in understanding. My plans for beating the guy to within an inch of his life would have to wait a few months. Rising to my feet, I walked past Kate and headed towards the door. "I'm going to find Cordelia."
I didn't have far to go. Midway between Cordelia's apartment and the office was a small playground and park. Over the last few weeks Cordelia had begun stopping by the park and watching the children play whenever she was upset. I found her there, seated in the sun, watching two little girls climb on a jungle gym. "Are you okay?" I asked as I motioned to the dark sunglasses that hid her eyes. Because she didn't answer, just shook her head, I knew she was still in tears. "Tell me what to do. I want to help."
She was silent for the longest time. Finally she removed her sunglasses and faced me. "I know you want to help and it means so much to me that you do. But right now there's nothing that'll help." She paused and turned away, but then continued speaking in a low voice. "I know what we do is important and we are making the world safer for people. But can you promise me that those little girls aren't going suffer the same thing I did? We stop the demons and the vampires but what about the human monsters?"
I knew what she wanted, that sense of safety she had lost at the hands of one horrible man. She'd faced demons and vampires with scarcely a whimper. But some guy who couldn't take no for an answer had done what the monsters couldn't. He'd made her truly afraid. "I wish I could tell you that nothing bad will ever happen to them. But I can't. All I can promise you is that we'll do our best to prevent what we can."
"But is that enough?" she demanded angrily.
"Maybe, maybe not. I just do the best I can."
"Well maybe your best isn't good enough," she shouted as she rose to her feet. "Your bad feeling came a little too late to help me." Grabbing her purse she turned and ran down the road.
I was so stunned I couldn't follow her. We had talked about how I found her, about the bad feeling that preceded my vision. I'll admit, I'd been in tears when I explained it to her and apologized for not being there in time. But she'd taken me in her arms and comforted me; promising me that she didn't blame me, that is wasn't my fault.
As the sun set and the park emptied, I forced myself to my feet. I briefly thought about heading to Cordelia's but I didn't want to face the accusation in her eyes. Walking slowly, I headed in the direction of the seediest bar I knew.
Angel found me there three hours later, an untouched glass of whiskey in front of me. "You're a hard man to find."
"Piss off Angel. I'm not in the mood."
"Yeah, I can tell. You'd rather sit and heap guilt upon yourself for something you couldn't control. Believe me I know the feeling." He tried to put a hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off.
"Well let somebody else play brood-boy for a change." My voice cracked and I gave up my angry pretense. "She hates me Angel."
"No she doesn't. She was just angry with the police for closing the case. Unfortunately you got in the way. You know she didn't mean it."
"But she's right Angel. I should have stopped it."
"How? There was nothing you could have done. And she's not mad. Who do you think asked me to come look for you? She's heartbroken that she said that to you." Angel suddenly smiled. "I had a hard time convincing her to wait at home. She wanted to come with me. I didn't think that was such a good idea." He looked around the dank and dark little bar and laughed as his gaze came to rest on the filthy floor. "She'd probably kick your ass if you made her get her shoes dirty."
I smiled a little at that. "She does love her shoes doesn't she?"
Angel motioned to my drink. "Finish up, I'll drive you home."
I threw some money down on the bar. "That's okay. I don't need it. Let's get out of this place."
Angel dropped me off in front of the apartment and I slowly started up the walk. Cordelia must have been watching for me because I had no sooner stepped onto the pavement then the door opened and she came flying into my arms.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that," she sobbed.
Mindful of her bare feet I swung her into my arms and carried her inside. I settled down into a corner of the couch and tried to calm her down. "I know, I know," I murmured into her hair. "It's okay."
"No it's not. You've been so great to me this whole time. I shouldn't have said that to you. This was never your fault."
"But I should have known. I should have called."
Cordelia shook her head sadly. "And I should have known not to go on that date."
"But you couldn't have known..."
"And there was no way you could have known either," she said as she ran her hand over my back. "I guess that means we're even."
I sighed and pulled her close. "I'd rather we weren't keeping score."
"We're not. I stopped a long time ago." Cordelia shifted and we moved until we were lying on the couch with her head resting on my shoulder. "I was afraid you wouldn't come back," she admitted quietly as she played with the buttons on my shirt.
"I just needed to go and hide for a little while. Brood and feel guilty for a bit." I paused and took a deep breath as I considered my next words. Hell, in for a penny, in for a pound. If she didn't know how I felt by now... "I could never stay away from you. I'm falling in love with you." There, I said it. She was either going to accept it or kick me out.
Her body stilled, and I felt my heart sink. Despite how close we had become over the last few weeks I guess I was still just a nice guy in her mind. And then she spoke in the softest of whispers, "I think I'm starting to love you to."
And the nice guy wins I shouted to myself. Content, I gave Cordelia a tender kiss, then let myself relax against the cushions. Life was starting to look pretty good.