Disclaimer: None of these are mine, blah blah blah....lawyers it's not worth bothering to sue me cuz i'm broke. ya here me???? BROKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so sod off. not you readers. I like you people. :)
Author's Note: If you want to praise me for my fiction, cool. If you want to offer constructive critisism, cool. If you want to flame me, go to hell. If you want to ask me how I became this insane, ask away.
Summary: extremely stupid fiction about Riley's best friend Bessie. But is bessie the friend he thought she was.....

"Tra la la la la...I'm happy!!!!!!!"

Riley sung as he skipped in the grassy feilds of his grandma's farm in Iowa. "Hello, Bessie!!!" He trilled to his soulmate Bessie the Cow, as she starred up at him with what he thought were perplexed eyes but they were actually just big blank cow's eyes wishing that the bastard in front of her would just piss off.

"Guess what, Bessie?" Riley the Wussy Wanker giggled as he twirled a daisy around his fingers. "I'm going to marry Buffy!"
Bessie's eyes widdened. *oh my god* the super intelligent cow thought. *this prat is serious*

"And I'm gonna feed her, and make girlie love to her, and love her forever and ever!" Riley added, before skipping away and planting some daiseys.

Bessie looked at the fence surrouding her. She looked at the open gate. *someone must warn that poor girl before...* Bessie shuddered to even think about what Riley would do to Buffy.

Bessie looked both directions, *right, left, right again* (cuz bessie is super intelligant) and walked across the road to find Sunnydale.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Willow smiled happily as Tara braided her hair which she had grown back to shoulder length in a day because this author is insane. "Tara I love u so much because I now realize Oz is a wolf!" She said. "I was in a lot of denial before and I thought he just dressed up in a costume to get attention"

Tara giggled. "G-g-good cuz I-I really love you too."

"Alot?"

"A-a-a-a-a-real real lot!"

"AAWWWWWWWW!!!!!"  Willow blushed as they kissed and acted all cute.

Suddenly the door burst open. "MOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Bessie cried in frustration.

"H-h-h-h-honey bunch, what a-a giant cow doing here?" Tara asked, confused.

Willow shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe it's evil. let's do a spell on it to find out!"

"COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLL!!!!" Tara screamed.

"Mooooooooooooooooooo!!!" Bessie sighed. "Moo moo moo moo moo mo." *god, are these people deaf?* she wondered.

Willow's eyes widened. "Moo?" She asked tentativeley.

Bessie lit up. The girl understood! "Mooo! Mooo moo mooooo moooooooooooooooo!" Bessie explained, trying to come up of a way to save Buffy from Riley asking for her hand in marriage.

Tara frowned. "W-w-w-w-willow, what's the cow saying?"

"Riley'sgonnaaskbuffytomarryhim!" Willow told her, paling even paler than she sometimes is.

Tara shrieked. "A-a-a-ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! we have to save her!"

"Moo." Bessie aggreed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Riley walked up to Buffy who was sitting by a tree and doing nothing. "Hello my sweet little bundle of cow food!" He gushed.

Buffy giggled. "Oh Riley my love you are so impossibly cute!"

Riley knelt down on one knee.

Everyone in the army watched him cuz they happened to be there at that time.

"Buffy, my grandpa Willy always said that you should marry the woman who you'd like to raise your babies with.!" Riley started.

Buffy listened carefully for 3 seconds, the amount of her attention span and then giggled. "Ooh! A birdie!"

Riley sighed. "Oh you are so sweet my little darling dumpling little hunnymuffin!"

"And you are my cutie wutsie little weiner!" Buffy squeeled happily.

The army sniggered.

"Buffy, I love you i love you i love you! Will you marry me?"

Riley flung his arms open.

Buffy's face lit up "YYEE--"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Willow screamed.

"N-N-N-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Tara screamed.

"MOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" Bessie screamed.

Riley pissed his pants a lot as he saw his beloved cow come to him. "Bessie! You betrayed me!" He accused.

*shut up you sad fucking tosser!* Bessie thought. "Mooo!" She huffed.

Riley cowered behind Buffy and started to cry and green snot hung down from his nose as he did so because he was upset.

"You will not marry Buffy!" Willow cried. "because we have found out that you are actually a stupid little prick."

"But Willow, I want to marry Riley." Buffy complained. "He's my little grease ball. And I feel sorry for him cos he has a small....nose."

"Bu-fyyyyyyyyyy!" Riley whinned like the annoying little ponce he is.

"a HA!" Giles exclaimed carrying a real old book. "I have the answere."

"What is it?" Willow asked.

"Riley is actually......a PATHETICLITTLEWUSS demon."

"A-a-a- PATHETICLITTLEWUSS demon?" Tara stuttered, confused. "What they do?"

"Basically a PATHETICLITTLEWUSS demon used to be a pathetic little wuss human, but then they became demons and force impressionable girls into falling in love with them." Giles said, pushing up his glasses.

Buffy pouted. "Riley, how could you?" she asked, irritated. "I don't love you anymore." She then threw him onto the tree and the demon split in half.

The army all laughed and pointed then they all died cuz they are all stupid.

A green haze settled across the land of Sunnydale.

Everyone screamed and fell.

*~*~*~*~*~*
Buffy began to awake. "Mwu...huh?" She stood up, blinking. "Oh my god! She recalled what had happened. "Me and Riley.....eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww!!!!!"

Willow's eyes widdened. "What was I thinking....I love Oz! Oz!"

Oz appeared suddenly on a Harley. "Willow." He said, gravely. "Come with me."

Willow smiled delighted and they drove off.

Tara's eyes widdened. "What was *I* thinking?" She grabbed Giles and smooched him till neither one could breath.

Xander looked at Anya and shrugged. "Oh well." He said, and they had sex.

Drusilla and Spike played with some dolls and some chains.

Buffy's eyes filled with tears. "Angel." She whispered.

Suddenly Bessie walked up to them, with Angel by her side.

Angel walked up to Buffy. "I love you. I've always loved you. I'll never stop."

She smiled and they kissed.

Bessie sighed. *aww. everyone looks so cute. everyone has a partner* she saddened. *all but me*

Cordelia approached her with a shy look on her face. "Hey." She blushed. "are you new in town?"

"Moo...."

Cordelia giggled. "By the way, you look totally hot in leather..."

THE END.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

dierileydie

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