Content: Riley embarks on a journey of self-discovery.
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Fox, the WB, and Mutant Enemy. No copyright
infringement intended.
Rating: R for dark themes.
Spoilers: In this reality, its still early season 4. Walsh died from Adam, who Buffy and Riley found out about. Buffy and Riley only flirted, never dated and never slept together. Buffy was never part of the Initiative, and doesn't know how it works, or that its supposedly run by the government. Riley and the rest know she's the Slayer.

*****

As Buffy unlocked the door to her dorm room, she could smell smoke. She frantically came in, and saw the charred remains of Willow's bedspread on the floor. The walls, ceiling, and carpet were covered with foul-smelling bright red soot.

Hearing clicking sounds, Buffy turned and froze in shock when she saw Willow at her cobweb coated computer. Willow looked up at her and waved as Buffy pulled up a chair and sat beside her. "I was trying a spell to see if I could predict what the Initiative would do next, and you know what?" asked Willow breathlessly.

"There was some kind of stinky fire?"

Willow sighed. "Yes, but don't worry, I'll clean everything up. After I put out the fire on my bedspread, it occurred to me that I used to do research on computers, and that I was so good at it, when I was sixteen I decrypted the city codes. Compared to the Mayor's security system, the Initiative's system was a piece of cake." She beamed at Buffy, and though her brain was seething at the mess Willow had made of their room, Buffy smiled back. "What did you find out? Anything on Adam?"

Willow took a sheaf of paper from the printer. "I don't know. Start reading. I've just skimmed these reports for keywords, then downloaded and printed them. I've gotten most of the files onto my hard drive, but a paper copy may be the way to go."

"I don't want you in danger, Will," warned Buffy.

"I don't want danger either. Big no to danger, but I am the only one who knows how to do this," said Willow sharply. As they started arguing, they didn't notice the door opening.

Xander leaned in between them. "How's is going, vixens?" he asked happily. Looking at the computer screen, he grimaced. "Good thinking, Will, but the really neato stuff isn't there. Let me at that thing," he said softly, leaning forward and typing incredibly fast. Willow and Buffy looked at each other, stunned, as Xander brought them up to a new screen, with lists of files on Riley, Adam, and other Initiative members.


Her Slayer experience with dealing with the unexpected allowed Buffy to recover first. "How did you learn to become a better hacker than Willow?"

"I've been taking computer classes, and playing around on the computers at the public library. I realized a few months ago that I would revert to the Zeppo if I didn't learn some useful skills," said Xander softly, fingers flashing, mouse clicking.

"You're not the Zeppo," the girls said hotly.

"It seems like ever since college started, none of you have needed me," Xander admitted. "I see you guys for maybe five minutes a week. Now that you know I can do this stuff, maybe you'll let me back in the club," he said wistfully.

Willow and Buffy stood up and hugged him.

"I'm sorry you felt left out," said Buffy.

"Why didn't you tell us," mourned Willow.

Xander wiped his eyes furtively. "Anyway, there's some good reading in there. I just finished last night. You may want to call Riley and Forrest and tell them to come over here, along with Giles. There's some things they need to know."

"But Forrest doesn't like me," protested Buffy.

"Trust me," said Xander. "Forrest needs to know about this, and so does Riley. If it would make you feel better, we can meet at Giles' with my printouts." He pointed at a large cardboard box he'd left near the door, filled with neatly labeled folders, sorted by color.

Stunned again, Buffy managed to get to the phone, never taking her eyes off Xander.

*****

The group assembled at Giles' house, letting themselves in with Buffy's key since Giles was nowhere to be found. Buffy felt guilty about the way she had neglected Giles this year, and promised herself she would do more with him. She was realizing how much she had neglected her friends and she was ashamed. It was with a heavy heart that she started reading the files.

Xander had copies for everyone, so each was frantically reading. Willow, Buffy, and Xander all sat in the living room, Xander watching the girls read with a somber look on his face, while Forrest and Riley remained near the door, Forrest ready to bolt.  Gasps were heard periodically as they read, the pages turning. "This is craziness," muttered Forrest, his eyes never leaving the pages before him. Periodic snickering and giggling was heard from Anya, seated on the stairs.

Giles opened the door and nearly tripped over Forrest and Riley. "What are all of you doing in my house?"

Willow and Buffy looked at him, both speaking, but Riley's voice overrode theirs. "Alexander over there made up a lot of garbage about the Initiative, and he wanted all of us to read his fantasies," he said sharply.

"Its Xander, not Alexander, and those came from the Initiative itself. Its all true," said Xander sharply.

"What do the documents say?" asked Giles sharply. As a babble of voices answered him, he shook his head and sighed. "I'll rephrase: Willow, what did the documents say?"

Pleased, Willow stood and faced the group. "The Initiative is a project of an international law firm named Wolfram and Hart. The ultimate goal isn't clear, but the means are: they wanted demon hybrids. Adam is a prototype. Essentially, years ago, there were children abandoned in overseas orphanages. Many were brain-damaged from fetal alcohol syndrome or from other pre- natal problems, so no one wanted them. Maggie Walsh adopted these children by using false identities and private adoption agencies that she knew wouldn't follow up on the health and well- being of the children.

One of these children became Adam; the little boy was fed anti-rejection drugs all his life so that he could be integrated with machines and with demon parts. When the time came, he was supposed to be activated. However, long before the integration started, they suspected there were problems with this prototype, so they changed direction in the project, a different prototype. They also decided that a good way to control them was to help them feel normal. For one thing, they gave them implanted memories, which they didn't do with Adam. They were preparing to create more hybrid creatures soon. If Maggie hadn't been killed-"

"I don't believe this!" Forrest shouted. "You're making her out to be some kind of Frankenstein!"

Willow looked at him sadly. "She was. You and Riley are the newest prototypes, and if Maggie hadn't died when she did, you would have been integrated with demon parts by now. You were raised in a lab, given drugs to spur your development and minds, and given implanted memories of normal lives. And here's the worst thing, Giles-"

"I am not a woman!" howled Riley. Pacing the floor frantically, waving his hands, he raved. "I am not a girl, I was never a girl, my parents are in Iowa. I'm a man! There were no operations to change my sex to make me more compliant. This is ridiculous!"

Giles took off his glasses, removed his handkerchief, wiped them and put them back on, folding the handkerchief neatly and replacing it in his inner pocket. He blinked several times and then repeated the process in a daze. "What did you say?"

Ignoring Riley, who continued to rant, Willow walked to Giles and handed him her copy of the files. "The current members of the Initiative were all originally girls. Walsh thought girls would be less independent and less likely to question orders or authority. Riley's real name is Svetlana, and-" With a shriek, Riley ran out of the house, Forrest in hot pursuit.

*****

Buffy waited a week before going to see Riley. When his door opened, she gasped. Riley stood before her in a pale blue sundress, wearing one blue sandal and one white sandal, holding a white straw handbag which matched his hat.

"Come in," he said tiredly, moving to sit at his desk.  "I meant to call you, but I didn't know what to say.  You know, the first thing I did after we left Giles' place was call my parents. After I talked to them, I felt better. Then I went downstairs, and snuck around to the scientists' area. I wanted to see the real files they had. I heard one of the scientists talking to Forrest on the phone, pretending to be his dad. I beat the truth out of them. The calls we make to our "parents" are routed to the lab," he said dully. "My parents, Fred and Ida, never really existed. There was no Iowa, no farm, no cows, no chickens, no tractor."

Long minutes passed while he stared into space. Riley finally looked up at her. "I've broken with the Initiative, and I have to be my own person for a while. I need to figure out who I am. I had a meeting with my fellow ex-Initiative members, and we've decided that we should try being women for a while, to help us figure out who we really are. I don't know who I am, or what I am," he sighed, tears welling in his eyes and spilling slowly down his cheeks.

The door opened and she beheld Forrest in a orange silk jogging suit, carrying a sequined purse. A lovely flower-patterned scarf was tied around his head, and he wore large silver hoop earrings. Graham stood behind him, wearing a black patent leather dress with fishnet hose.

"Buffy, leave Svetlana alone," said Forrest angrily. "Svetlana, don't mope. Pull yourself together. Come on, let's go shopping. We've got to do something about Graham here. Look at the outfit Graham saw fit to parade around in today." Riley/Svetlana stood obediently and pointed down at his feet. "Which?"

"The blue," said Forrest.


The End



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