Quotes

"There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb"

Written by: David Greenwalt
Quote List compiled by: AnGeL X

Cordelia: I don't like it here anymore. I want to go home...
Host's Head: Oh honey, I'm right there with you.
Cordelia: (screams)

Host's Head: I realize this is a bit of a shock but I can explain... take it easy, okay, get it out of your system... good, you'll have to breathe some time... Good lord, shut up woman!! It's not like I have hands to cover my ears here, ya' know.

Slave: Most Sacred Princess, are you troubled? We heard a fearful shrieking.
Cordelia: Oh, the shrieking... yes, the -- it's a Royal Meditation I do to help me focus on the great affairs of state I must manage.

Cordelia: Sorry 'bout the spittle... I had to think fast, this is all pretty unsettling for me.
Host's Head: Oh I'm sure it must be, and after all I only lost my head! Or, technically, my body.

Captain: I will personally bury my spear in his rump.
Silas: Captain. His heart is where a cow's is--here. (touches his chest)
Captain: Disgusting.

Gunn: I've got a plan.
Wesley: Oh thank God! What is it?
Rebel: One...
Gunn: We die horribly and painfully, you go to hell and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus.
Wesley: Oh.

Angel: What? Did I snore?
Fred: Um, I don't remember any snoring.
Angel: Good.
Fred: I remember caterwauling. (shrieks)
Angel: Sorry.

Fred: TACOS! Sorry, didn't mean to holler at ya'. I love tacos. Do they still have 'em? You know, back...?
Angel: Home? Yes. They didn't outlaw tacos.
Fred: Of course they didn't. No. I've been trying to make an enchilada out of tree bark...
Angel: Bark enchiladas? How's that going?
Fred: There's work to be done.

Rebel: Five cheers for the other-worlders.
Wesley: Oooo, in this world you get five.

Fred: I'll just roll him over the cliff into the Drokken gully like I did the others.

Angel: What can you tell me of the Princess?
Captain: The filthy cow-bitch that brought you into our world?
Angel: Call her that again, I'll remove your face. Slowly.

Cordelia: Boy that looks like your suit.
Host's Head: It is my suit, you think they have French Viscose in this hell hole? Why am I still alive? Once they chop you up, it's over. I'm looking at pieces of myself, oh it's over... Wait a second, since when do I have five toes?

Cordelia: Do you mind if I hit him over the head with you?
Host's Head: Yes.

Host's Head: (against Groo's backside) Feels like somebody works out.

Wesley: Why do people keep putting me in charge of things?
Gunn: I have no idea.

Groosalugg: I disobeyed the Covenant. I shall spend eternity burning in Tarkna for my sin...
Cordelia: Oh who believes in a literal Tarkna nowadays.
Groosalugg: It was worth it for one moment of your intimate touch.
Cordelia: That was an accident, it was kinda dark and... oh you mean the hug, when I hugged you. That was nice.

Cordelia: Groo... I can't give up my visions. I like them. Okay I don't like the searing pain and agony that is steadily getting worse.
Groosalugg: You are pure human, you are not meant to carry such a burden.
Cordelia: Maybe not, but I'm not ready to give them up, either. They're a part of who I am now. They're an honor.

Gunn: He's Angel, he does that. (re: Fred) How'd she do that?
Angel: She's Fred, she does that, too.

Angel: (re: Host) He was...
Gunn: Yeah...
Wesley: Mmm...
Host's Head: (eyes open & guys freak) That's it? Where's the praising and extolling of my virtues? Where's the love?

Angel: When I fired you guys, the reason I... the darkness was coming out in me, I didn't want you near it. The thing that comes out here is ten times worse. Wes, I do this, you know I won't come back from it.
Wesley: Yes you will. I know you. We know you. We know you are a man with a demon inside and not the other way around. We know you have the strength to do what needs to be done. And we know you will come back to us.

Gunn: You really think he'll come back?
Wesley: I need him to think it.

Angel: Come out and face me, unless you're a spineless coward!
Fred: Ooo, why'd you add that coward thing, that's really gonna piss him off.

Angel: This guy, he doesn't feel pain?
Fred: He feels it but he is the Groosalugg, he overcomes all things. Good luck!

Fred: You can't hold back, you'll die!
Angel: Not... holding back... holding on.

Cordelia: Your cow Princess is tired of hearing you yak, Padre.
Gunn: Nice going.
Cordelia: These guys stay dead without a head?
Rebel: Oh yeah.

Angel: I'm not an animal.

Angel: All right, what part of my being all noble here didn't get through?
Cordelia: Stop! Stop the fight! Don't hurt him, I love him, I LOVE HIM!
Angel: You love me?
Cordelia: Not you, dumbass, HIM! I love him!
Angel: Oh.

Angel: But you love me too, right?
Cordelia: Are you all right? Did he hurt you?
Angel: As a friend and co-worker...
Cordelia: Can we get some medical attention here, people.
Angel: Maybe love is too strong a term.

Host: Good as new, although I seem to have put on about a hundred and fifty eight pounds.

Angel: Isn't there something you want to say to your mother?
Host: "May you burn in Tarkna?"
Angel: Come on, she didn't store your body on the maggot heap like you thought she would, did she?
Host: Bye Mom, thanks for storing my body on the lice pile instead of the maggot heap.

Mother: Who's supposed to do our labor now that your cow friend has freed the slaves? Do you know what they call me at the Hall of Drink and Chance? Mother of the Vile Excrement!

Host: I had to come back here to find out I didn't have to come back here, I don't belong here, I hate it here. You know where I belong? L.A. You know why? Nobody belongs there, it's the perfect place for guys like us.

Cordelia: I have a vision... Actually I have two visions and in one of them you get to keep your head.
Priest: How may I be of service, your Majesty?

Priest: Those are sacred books!
Cordelia: (harsh look)
Priest: Which you should have as a small memento.

Wesley: Should people be bowing in a free society?
Cordelia: These things take time.

Fred: Are you sure about that?
Cordelia: Trust me, tacos everywhere and...soap.

Angel: Can I say it? I'm going to say it.
Wesley: Say what?
Angel: There's no place like... (see's Willow) Willow?
Cordelia: What's--
Angel: It's Buffy.

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