Quotes

"Carpe Noctem"

Written by: Scott Murphy
Quote List compiled by: Hazel

Fred: Why would girls wanna look like that? I spent years in a cave starving. What's their excuse?

Angel: Looks like it's just you and me, Fred. - Well, the worm certainly has turned.
Fred: Y-y-yeah. The worm's turning and... Am I the worm?
Angel: No. You may not know this, Fred, but certain friends and co-workers have been known to accuse *me* of being the quiet, stay at home, sulky one. Some people - just don't know how to have fun anymore.

Fred: And he opened every door for me and he paid for the tickets. And even bought a giant popcorn. And every few minutes he'd go like this . Because he wanted me to know it was okay for me to have some. And he's so lonely because he's the last man on earth.
Wesley: Angel?
Fred: No! Charlton Heston. The Omega Man? Omega being the last letter of the Greek alphabet so it's a metaphor. And he walks on the street side and not the building side. It's old-fashioned, but kind of chivalrous, you know?
Wesley: We're back to talking about Angel.
Fred: Right. And even though he didn't talk a lot, it was still okay. It was comfortable. It wasn't that awkward kind of quiet. You know that awkward kind of quiet?

Cordy: She's got the big puppy love. I mean, who wouldn't? You're handsome, and brave, and heroic, emotionally stunted, erratic, prone to turning evil and, lets face it, a eunuch.
Angel: Hey, how can you... I'm not a eunuch.
Cordy: Angel, it's just a figure of speech.
Angel: Find a better one.

Cordy: You can't just keep ignoring Fred! You have to speak to her. You know, there is your business life and then there is your social life, and everybody knows that you keep those two things sepa...
Cordy: I'm gonna go see if *he* knows anything.

Cordy: There could be follow-up questions. I'll need some home phone numbers. Why don't we start with you, Benny?

Angel: Cordelia... have I ever told you you are a *very* *beautiful* woman?
Cordy: Ha, ha. Very funny. I know you never said anything that tacky or overt to Fred. But you're still gonna have that talk - whether you want to or not.
Angel: Talk with Fred.
Cordy: Yes! Just - keep it simple. One: you're not like other men. Two: there is no room in the workplace for romance.
Angel: Romance with Fred. - So I'm a... (Looks down at his clothes) Obviously.
Marcus (on phone): Cordelia? Are you there? Pick up!
Angel: Hey, Angel. How's my head? Hope you put some ice on it. Sweet deal you've got going on here, pal. Love the hotel. And Cordelia - whoh! That's how I spell w-o-m-a-n!
Marcus: Where is she?

Cordy: Escorts. Oh, you mean hookers?
Gunn: I should probably interview them right away - while the trail is hot.
Wesley: Ah, I'll take this one. You interviewed the hotel staff. It's only fair if we divvy it up.
Gunn: Yeah, but I figured it out.
Cordy: I'll interview the hookers. Are there any men who aren't just dogs?

Cordy: If Julia Roberts ever makes a realistic movie about being an escort, I think it should be called pretty skanky woman.

Fred: I should've knocked. I always forget to knock because, you know, I didn't have a door for so long. He called me a sweetheart. But it's just an expression, isn't it? Like when a waitress calls you honey, it doesn't mean your special or anything. It's just a word, right? Sweetheart.

Cordy: This is all my fault. I told him to do that.
Fred: You told him to make out with that woman on the desk?

Wesley: I do not believe it. On my desk?
Gunn: Well, it did used to be his. Maybe he was just kinda - reclaiming it.
Wesley: How? By marking it? - This isn't like him.
Cordy: What? This is totally like him. Doing the mystery dance with some cheap blonde?
Fred: Brunette. She was a cheap brunette.
Cordy: You're right. This isn't like him.

Marcus: You may have the attitude, and you may have the power - but there is one thing you don't have, and never will: friends. Four of them, standing behind you with big, heavy things.

Marcus: You...! You don't deserve that body!
Angel: Funny. I was gonna say the same thing to you. I tell you why you have a weak heart, Marcus. You never use it.
Marcus: You're pathetic! You're all pa...
Angel: You should try and keep a lid on that rage, Marcus. It's - not healthy.

Ryan: What's going on?
Angel: Dad's having a bad night.

Cordy: Angel, Willow's on the phone... She's alive! Buffy's alive!
Fred: Buffy?

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