Spike: I thought you had it to the brim with customer disservice?
Buffy: One-time deal to help out. And I mean straight time -- no loop-the-loop, mummy-hand, repeat-o-vision.

Spike: Feel like a bit of the rough and tumble?
Buffy: What?
Spike: Me, you... patrolling? Hello!

Spike: It's not like I don't already have plans. "Great Pumpkin's" on in 20.
Buffy: So much easier to talk to when he wanted to kill me.

Buffy: What happened to Xander?
Giles: He kept poking me with his hook. I sent him over to charmed objects. With any luck, he'll poke the wrong one and end up in an alternative dimension inhabited by a 50-foot Giles that squishes annoying, teeny pirates.

Buffy: Yeah, what about costumes that take over you personality, or wee, little Irish fear-demony thingies?
Giles: Yes, well, if anything calamitous should happen, history suggests it will happen to one of us.

Xander: Store go boom. Arrr.

Anya: That was the most incredible thing I've ever experienced. (off Xander's look) Except for that.

Anya: Post-holiday clearance. The cornerstone of retail.

Giles: Brooms all around then.
Willow: Or I could whip up a jaunty self-cleaning incantation. It'll be like "Fantasia".
Giles: And we all know how splendidly that turned out for Mickey.
Willow: I think I'm a little more adept than a cartoon mouse.
Tara: And you have more fingers, which is good 'cause then there's no need to wear those big white gloves to over-compensate.

Buffy: You know, if you had a real peg-leg, you wouldn't just have a lame costume, you'd actually be lame. Which is completely different than--

Dawn: You do this every night?
Anya: Every time I close out the cash register. The dance of capitalist superiority.

Xander: I'm gonna marry that girl.
Buffy: What? She's 15 and my sister, so don't even-- oh.

Buffy: Did you know about this?
Giles: No. Unless I blocked it from my memory, much as I will Xander's vigorous use of his tongue.
Buffy: Is that why you're always cleaning your glasses? So you don't have to see what we're doing?
Giles: Tell no one.

Dawn: Can I try it on?
Anya: Oh, absolutely not.

Buffy: Sorry we couldn't do the big fancy. Kind of caught us with our party down.
Anya: Oh, that's okay. This is just the first premarital celebration. There'll be lots more. With gifts.

Buffy: Seems like only yesterday you had to pay a girl to date you.
Xander: Like I'd ever pay... define "date".

Buffy: How many other things have changed since I've been gone?
Dawn: I got a tattoo.
Buffy: What?!
Willow: Which is why we told her "no."
Dawn: Just a little one?
Buffy: Over my dead body. The kind that doesn't come back.

Zach: To infinity and-- ow!
Justin: Oops.

Zach: Hey baby, what took you so long?
Janice: I had to stop for crimes and misdemeanors.

Janice: So?
Dawn: He's okay.
Janice: "Ho hum" okay, or like, "Oh my god, I think I'm gonna pee my pants!" okay?
Dawn: Pee.

Giles: Anya's a wonderful former vengeance demon. I'm sure you'll spend many years of non-hell dimensional bliss.

Old Man Kaltenbach: Shouldn't ought to mess with those. Sometimes they bite.

Zach: Don't make me go kung-fu on you, man.

Janice: Okay, I say we get the funk out of here before Satan Claus tries to stuff us up the chimney.

Zach: That'd break the old guy's widdle heart -- assuming it's still beating.

Justin: Dude, that guy was rank.
Zach: Bet a spritz of Dawn will wash that right out. So what do you think -- lunchables?

Anya: So, I was thinking maybe a June wedding, but then I remembered that they always had the highest percentage of calls for vengeance. So now I'm leaning towards as soon and damn possible. I mean, mortal life being so short, we gotta cram in as much marital bliss as we can before we wither and die.

Xander: You got to know what to call 'em before they hit college.
Giles: Rupert is an exceptionally strong name.
Anya: (laughing) Yeah, if we want our progeny to eat paste and have their lunch money stolen.

Buffy: All that matters is that they're happy. Everything else is thick-gravy goodness.

Anya: I'm the luckiest ex-demon in the world.

Xander: Air. Sweet mother oxygen.

Xander: Deep pools of ooey delight. I'm wallowing, not drowning.

Justin: And so begins her life of crime.
Dawn: You're a little late. I steal all the time.
Justin: Really?
Dawn: Totally. I haven't paid for lipstick since... forever.
Justin: Oh, be still my heart. Cute *and* bad.

Zach: I love it when they run.

Dawn: Shiver me timbers!

Dawn: I've been kissed before. I kiss all the time. Not that I'm a kiss slut. Just, you know, with the lips and the pressing together and stuff. Hey, expert here! Okay, okay, it was my first kiss! I know, I know, I suck. My lips are dry and my tongue's all horrible and sticky and I'm pretty sure I drooled on you.

Willow: (re: Luke and Leia at the Bronze) Do they know they're brother and sister?!

Willow: Hard to believe such a hot mama-yama came from humble, geek-infested roots.
Tara: Infested roots. Trying to turn me on?
Willow: I have to try now?

Giles: Mist. Cemetery. Halloween. Should end well.

Zach: What do you know about it, Grandpa?
Giles: Quite a bit, actually.

Zach: Dude, that sucks.

Justin: It'll only hurt for a second.
Giles: I bet you say that to all the girls.

Giles: Now, you have a choice, son. We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard--
Justin: What were my choices again?

Buffy: Were you parking? With a vamp?
Dawn: I didn't know he was dead.
Justin: Living dead.
Dawn: Shut up!
Buffy: How could you not know?
Dawn: I just met him.
Buffy: Oh, so you went parking in the woods with a boy you just met.

Dawn: Oh, like you've never fallen for a vampire?
Buffy: That was different.

Vamp: Uh, excuse me. Can we fight now?
Buffy: Hey, didn't anyone come here to just make out?
(couple raises their hands)
Buffy: Aw, that's sweet. You run. (to vamp) You scream.

Vamp: Die, Slayer.
(stake action)
Buffy: Um-hmm.

Vamp: What is your malfunction, man?
Spike: It's Halloween, you nit. We take the night off. Those are the rules.
Vamp: Me and mine don't follow no stinkin' rules. We're rebels.
Spike: No, I'm a rebel. You're an idiot. Give the lot of us a bad name.

Buffy: Sorry about the party.
Anya: It gave me more time to plan the bridal shower. Where do we order obscenely muscular male strippers?
Xander: Anya!
Anya: Well, I'm kidding. Jeez.

Buffy: How's your face?
Giles: Oh, still ruggedly handsome. Grandpa, indeed. Ow.

Giles: Something needs to be done before it spins out of control.
Buffy: You're right. I'm glad you're here to take care of it. Don't be too hard on her, okay?

Dawn: This the part where you tell me you're not angry, just disappointed?
Giles: Pretty much, except for the bit about not being angry.