Giles: "'And on that tragic day, an era came to its inevitable end.' That's all there is. Are you ready?" Buffy: "Hit me." Giles: "Which of the following best expresses the theme of the passage: A) Violence breeds violence, B) All things must end, C)..." Buffy: "B! I'm going with B. We haven't had B in forever." Giles: "This is the SATs, Buffy. Not connect the dots. Please pay attention. A low score could seriously harm your chances of getting into college."
Buffy: "Gee, thanks. That takes the pressure right off."
Giles: "This isn't meant to be easy you know. It's a rite of passage."
Buffy: "Is it too late to join a tribe where they just pierce something or cut something off?"

Buffy: "I broke my No. 2 pencil. We'll have to do this again sometime."
Giles: (handing Buffy a new pencil): C) "All systems tend towards chaos."

Trick: "I can get you what you need. I know a beast who know a guy."

Mayor: "I made certain deals to get where I am today. This demon requires its tribute. You see, that's what separates me from other politicians, Mr. Trick. I keep my campaign promises."

Mayor: "Where'd I put that scotch?"

Buffy: "And then I was being chased by an improperly filled in answer bubble screaming "None of the above."
Willow: "Wow. I hope that wasn't one of your prophecy dreams.... Probably not."

Oz: "I could help you get ready. There's this whole trick to antonyms but... this isn't the place."

Willow: "Oz is the highest scoring person never to graduate!"
Buffy: "Isn't she cute when she's proud?"
Oz: "She's always cute."

Cordelia: "Oh god. Are we killing something tonight?"
Buffy: "Only my carefree spirit."

Willow: "Oz is the highest scoring..."
Cordelia: "We know. We did the impressed thing already."

Xander: "I hate they make us take that thing [SAT]. It's totally fascist, and personally, I think it discriminates against the uninformed."
Cordelia: "Actually, I'm looking forward to it. I do well on standardized tests. What? I can't have layers?"

Buffy: "I'm supervised 24/7. It's like being in the Real World house. Only real."

Willow: "Ooh! Candy bars! Lots of 'em!"
Xander: "Principal Snyder, thank you! You weren't visited by the ghost of Christmas past by any chance?"

Buffy: "Let's hear it for the band."

Xander: "Those tall fuzzy hats aren't cheap, huh?"
Oz: "But they go with everything."

Buffy: "I'm sure we love the idea of going all Willy Loman, but we're not in the band."
Principal Snyder: "And if I'd handed you a trombone that would be a problem, Summers. It's candy. Sell it."

Joyce: "Buffy, what would I do with 40 chocolate bars?"
Buffy: "You could hand them out at the gallery. Buy something pre-Columbian; get a free cavity!"

Buffy: "You're a good mom."
Joyce: "The best."
Buffy: "No, I'm pretty sure the best moms let their daughters drive."

Buffy: "I'm not taking off again. Besides, if I wanted to, I could just get on a bus."

Joyce: "Don't you think Mr. Giles is monopolizing an awful lot of your time?"
Buffy: "And does he ever say he's sorry?"
Buffy: "Ow!"
Giles: "I'm sorry."

Buffy: "OK. You're just doing this to take funny pictures of me."

Buffy: "You ran out of new training ideas about a week ago, huh?"

Giles: "It's not that simple is it... OW!"

Angel: "It's late. How'd you get away?"
Buffy: "It was easy. Started a fire in the prison laundry room; rode out in the garbage truck."

Buffy: "Do you guys want to watch some television? I hear there's a very insightful Nightline on."

Joyce: "Were you at the Bronze? What was happening there that was so important?"
Buffy: "Bronze things. Things of Bronze."

Buffy: "You're both scheduling me 24 hours a day. Between the two of you that's 48 hours!"

Giles: "All right, come on. Let's not, uh, freak out."
Buffy: "Freak out?!"

Ethan: "Trust me. You don't want to eat that."

Cordelia: "I heard there's a secret rule that if a teacher is more than 10 minutes late, we can all leave early."
Buffy: "It's Giles's turn to watch Study Hall. He'll be here. He's allergic to late."

Cordelia: "He is wound a little tight. I had this philosophy book checked out for, like, a year, and he made me pay the fine even though it was huge. I was sad to return it. It was perfect for starting conversations with college boys. Of course, that was BX."
Buffy: "BX?.... Before Xander. Cute."

Xander: "I like chocolate. There is no bad here."

Willow: "I went to, like, four houses and they were gone. It's like trick or treating in reverse."
Xander: "I know! These things are selling like hot cakes. Which is ironic 'cause the hot cakes really aren't moving."

Xander: "The band. They're great. They march."
Willow: "Like an army. Except with music instead of bullets, and usually no one dies."

Cordelia: "Where is Giles already? I'm bored and he's not here to give me credit for it."

Principal Snyder: "Everybody expects me to do everything around here because I'm the principal. It's not fair!"

Ms. Barton: Let's just sit quietly and pretend we're reading something until we're really sure old Commandant Snyder's gone. Then we're all outta here!"
Xander: "Does anyone else want to marry Miss Barton?"
Cordelia: "Get in line."

Joyce: "Take the car, and Mr. Giles can drive me home."
Buffy: "What? Excuse me, I meant WHAT?!"
Joyce: "Keys. Take them."
Buffy: "You don't have to tell me twice. Well, actually, you did but... Bye!"

Joyce: "Do you think she noticed anything?"
Giles: "*lighting cig* No way."

Willow: "Tell me again how it happened?"
Buffy: "I told my mom I wanted to be treated like a grown up, and voila! Driveyness! Also, I think she wanted me otherwhere. Considering my mom and Giles are planning my future, I think it's easier for them to live my life if I'm not actually there."

Willow: "Do you know that you have the parking brake on?"

Willow: "Are you sure about the Bronze? I mean, the SATs are tomorrow."
Buffy: "We can study at the Bronze. A little dancing, a little cross-multiplying."

Joyce: "You've got good albums."
Giles: "Yeah, they're okay."
Joyce: "Do you like Seals & Crofts?"
Giles: (looks)
Joyce: "Me neither."

Joyce: "So, why do they call you Ripper?"
Giles: "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Joyce: "Hey, Ripper, you wanna watch TV? I know how to order pay per view."

Buffy: "Let's do the time warp again."
Willow: "Maybe there's a reunion in town.... or a Billy Joel tour or something."

Buffy: "Ms. Barton?"
Ms. Barton: Buffy, whoa!"
Willow: "You okay, Miss Barton?"
Ms. Barton: Oh I'm cool, Willow. Willow. That's a tree. You're a tree. Are there any nachos in here, Little Tree?"

Willow: "This is not normal. Maybe that goes without saying."

Principal Snyder: "Hey gang! This place is fun city, huh?"
Buffy: "Principal Snyder?!"
Principal Snyder: "Call me Snyder. Just the last name. Like Barbarino. Oh, I'm so stoked!!"

Principal Snyder: "Hey did you see Miss Barton? I think she's wasted. I'm gonna have to put that in her next performance review....'cause.... 'cause I'm the principal!"

Willow: "I don't like this. They could have heart attacks."
Buffy: "Well, maybe there's a doctor here."
Willow: "I think that is my doctor. He's usually less topless."

Principal Snyder: "Whoa! There are some foxy ladies here tonight!"

Buffy: "They're acting like a bunch of us."
Willow: "I don't act like this."

Trick: "That's the reason I love this country. You make a good product, and the people will come to you. Of course, a lot of them are going to die, but that's the other reason I love this country."

Oz: "Teenagers. That's a sobering mirror to look into, huh?"

Principal Snyder (to Oz): "You've got great hair.""

*Louie, Louie*
Willow: "It just gets more upsetting."
*Louie, Louie*
Buffy: "No vampire has ever been that scary."

Buffy: "We have to figure out what's going on. This has Hellmouth fingerprints all over it."

Principal Snyder: "Hey, where are we going? Wait up you guys. You guys aren't trying to ditch me are you?"

Principal Snyder: "Whoa, Summers, you drive like a spaz!"

Willow: "It'll be okay when we get to Giles."
Oz: "Of course, I mean, even if he's sixteen he's still Giles, right? He's probably a pretty together guy."
Willow: "Yeah, well...."
Oz: "What?"
Buffy: "Giles at sixteen? Less Together Guy, more Bad Magic, Hates the World, Ticking Time Bomb Guy."
Oz: "Well, then I guess your mom's in a lot of trouble."

Joyce: "That's cool! Very Juice Newton."

Principal Snyder: "This is great! Let's do donuts in the football field."

Giles: "Ooo. Copper's got a gun!"

Joyce: "You are so cool. You're like Burt Reynolds."

Willow: "Anybody else all creeped out and trembly?"

Buffy: "Something's weird."
Oz: "Something's not?"

Buffy: "So where are all the vampires? The soup's on but no one's grabbing a spoon."
Oz: "Something's happening. Someplace that's else."

Principal Snyder: "That guy took my candy!"
Buffy: "The candy. It's gotta be the candy, it's cursed."
Principal Snyder: "Curse? I've got curse?"

Buffy: "You guys get Xander and Cordelia. Go to the library and look it up."
Oz: "Candy curses?"
Willow: "Disturbing second childhood. Got it."
Buffy: "Rat boy and I are going to the source."

Buffy: "Mom! Where did you get that coat?!"

Buffy: "Giles, think about this. You want to fight me, or do you want to let me talk to my mom?"

Joyce: "Hey, look, they're giving away candy. You want some candy?"
Buffy: "No, I don't, and you don't need any more either."
Joyce: "I'm fine. I can have more if I want."
Buffy: "You are not fine. You need to go home."
Joyce: "Screw you. I want candy."
Buffy: "Mom--"
Joyce: "You wanna slay stuff and I'm not allowed to do anything about it. Well this is what I wanna do so get off my back."

Giles: "Oh for god's sake, let your mum have a sodding candy bar."

Buffy: "Mom, look at your car. Look at that dent the size of New Brunswick. I did that."
Joyce: "Oh my God! What was I thinking when I bought the geek machine?"

Buffy: "Listen to me--"
Giles: "No, you listen to me. I'm your Watcher so you do what I tell you. Now sod off!"

Principal Snyder: "Hey, Brit-face, wait up!"

Ethan: "Yeah, I've been out there. The town's wide open. You guys can go any time."
Buffy: "Ethan Rayne."
Ethan: "You might want to hurry."

Cordelia: "At first it was fun, you know. They seemed like they were in this really good mood. Not like parents. And then..."
Willow: "Badness?"
Cordelia: "Mom started borrowing my clothes. There should be an age limit on Lycra pants. Dad, he just locked himself in the bathroom with old copies of Esquire."

Xander: "I don't get this. The candy's supposed to make you feel all immature and stuff, but I've had a ton and I don't feel any diff--never mind."

Cordelia: "You wanna swap?"
Willow: "What? Swap?"
Cordelia: "You wanna swap. This book is really thick and I'm not sure it's in English."

Giles: "(breathing hard): Bloody hell."
Buffy: "That's what smoking'll do to you."

Buffy: "Look, a box full of farm fresh chicken."

Principal Snyder: "So, are you two...kinda...like, um...going steady?"

Buffy: "So, Ethan, what are we playing? We're pretty much in a talk or bleed situation. Your call."
Giles: "Hit him."
Ethan: "I'd just like to point out that this wasn't my idea."
Buffy: "Meaning?"
Ethan: "I'm subcontracting. It's Trick you want. I'm just helping him collect a tribute. For a demon."
Giles: "He's lying. Go on, hit him."
Buffy: "I don't think he is. And shut up."
Giles: "You're my Slayer. Go knock his teeth down his throat."

Buffy: "Which brings us to the bonus question, and believe me when I tell you a wrong answer will cost you all your points."

Principal Snyder: "She whupped you good, huh? I can do that. I took Tae Kwan Do at the Y."

Buffy: "See if you guys can find something to tie him up with."
Joyce: (sheepishly hands Buffy handcuffs)
Buffy: "Never tell me."

Joyce: "Something's gonna eat those babies?"
Principal Snyder: "I think that is so wrong."
Giles: "She says she never saw who took them. Dozy cow."
Buffy: "I know who took them."
Giles: "Well then let's do something. Let's find the demon and kick the crap out of it."

Giles: "Larconis dwells beneath the city, filth to filth."
Buffy: "What?"
Giles: "Ooh. I know this. I knew this. Larconis means glutton, and we'll find it in the sewers."
Joyce: "The sewers?"
Principal Snyder: "Uh, good. You go do that thing with the demon, and I'll stay here in case the babies, you know, uh, find their way back."

Giles: "You filthy little poncer, are you afraid of a little demon? Principal Snyder: "If you want to splash around in the poo, you're the filthy one."

Buffy: "I need help, okay? Giles, I need grown-ups. These children are gonna die if we don't act now, okay, and think clearly. There is no room for mistakes. Besides which, you guys are just wigging me out."

Buffy: "Snyder, go home."
Snyder: "I can do that."

Buffy: "Giles, we're going to the sewers. [turns to see J & G kissing] And don't *do* that."

Mayor: "Carol? Hi, yeah, call Dave on the public works committee tomorrow about sewer maintenance and repair. I have some concerns regarding exposed gas pipes, infrastructure, ventilation. And, um, cancel my three o'clock."

Trick: "Ordinarily I like other people to do my fighting for me. But I just gotta see what you got."
Buffy: "Just tell me when it hurts."

Trick: "You and me girl. There's hot times ahead."
Buffy: "They never just leave. Always gotta say something."

Joyce: "Can we go home now?"
Buffy: "Yeah, we can go home. I've got the SATs tomorrow."
Joyce: "Oh, blow them off. I'll write you a note."

Mayor: "This didn't turn out the way I had planned."
Trick: "Where's the down side? You just got yourself one less demon you have to pay tribute to. The way I see it, I did you a favor."
Mayor: "I guess you did. In the future, I'd be very careful how many favors you do for me."

Principal Snyder: "You look like four young people with too much time on your hands."
Oz: "Not really."
Cordelia: "Busy like a bee actually. Bee-like."

Willow: "Kiss rocks? Why would anyone want to--oh, wait, I get it."

Buffy: "It was just too much to deal with. It was like nothing made sense anymore. The things that I thought I understood were gone. I just felt so alone."
Giles: "Was that the math or the verbal?"
Buffy: "Mostly the math."
Giles: "Well if you scored low then you can always take them again."
Buffy: "More SATs Is there really a point? I could die before I even apply to college."
Giles: "And then you very possibly might not."
Buffy: "Well, let's just keep hope alive."

Giles: "I say, your car seems to have had an adventure, doesn't it?"
Joyce: "Buffy assures me that it happened battling evil, so I'm letting her pay for it on the installment plan."
Buffy: "Hey, the way things were going, be glad that's the worst that happened. At least I got to the two of you before you actually did something."
Joyce: "Right."
Giles: "Indeed"
Joyce: "Yes."