Buffy: "Nonvampire. Plus two."
Xander: Man, Buffy! My whole life just flashed before my eyes. I gotta' get me a
life!"

Willow: "Buffy, you're sick."
Buffy: "No, I feel fine. I mean, the world's spinning a little bit, but I like it. It's like
a ride."

Cordelia: "We're all concerned about how gross you look."
Buffy: "I'm touched. Really."

Willow: "Buffy, come on, one night of rest is not going to kill you."
Buffy: "No. But it might kill somebody else."

Xander: "Buffy, this is not the time to challenge Angel for the Ultimate Fighting
Championship. He's at full strength. You're only half a Slayer."
Buffy: "Yeah, but I'm still the Slayer. And as long as I am, Angel's not going to
kill anybody else."
Angel: "Oh, come on. Just one more."

Angel: "Not feeling well, lover?"
Buffy: "That helps."

Angel: "You know, you being off your game's kind of taking the fun out of all
this." "Nope, still fun!"

Angel: "Uh oh, this does not look good for our heroine."

Xander: "Take a walk, overbite."

Intern: "What happened?"
Xander: "She fell."
Cordelia: "She fainted."
Willow: "The flu."
Xander: "The flu. Fainted...and fell. She's sick. Make it better."

Xander: "Hey, Buffy. We're all here."
Buffy: "Hey...here we are. It's all of we. Are we taking me home?"
Dr. Wilkinson: "No, Buffy, you need to lie down, honey."
Buffy: "Yeah? Lie at home. My bed is better than any bed that's not my bed."
Dr. Wilkinson: "She's still a little out of it."
Buffy: "Shh! Hospital zone, no singing."

Buffy: "Let me go!"
Cordelia: "Maybe she wants to go!"

Buffy: "They're out there!"
Giles: "Yes, we'll get to those...vampires later. I hear it's best to play along."

Xander: "Do you think she's gonna be okay in here?"
Cordelia: "I don't know. Lysette got her nose done here, and she came in
looking for the Gwyneth Paltrow, and it looked more like the Mr. Potato Head."
Willow: "Buffy's not in here for cosmetic surgery."
Cordelia: "No, but while she's in here, she might as well get that thing done.
You know, that thing on her face? You know that thing."
Willow: "Do you think Angel will attack Buffy in here?"
Xander: "He can come in. It's a public building."
Willow: "That's true."
Cordelia: "Am I the only one that's noticed that thing?"

Xander: "Visiting hours are over."
Angel: "Well, I'm pretty much family."
Xander: "Yeah, why don't you come back during the day? Oh, gee, no, I guess
you can't."

Xander: "You're gonna' die. And I'm gonna' be there."

Dr. Wilkinson: "Good morning."
Buffy: "Could have fooled me."
Dr. Wilkinson: "How are you feeling? Looks like your fever's gone down."
Buffy: "Well, good. Thanks for having me. Let's try and keep in touch."
Dr. Wilkinson: "Not so fast. Hmm."
Buffy: "Good 'hmm' or bad 'hmm'?"

Xander: "Flowers for milady."
Buffy: "I think they call them balloons."
Xander: "Yeah, stick them in water. Maybe they'll grow."

Willow: "Not to be outdone..."
Buffy: "Homework."
Willow: "It's my way of saying get well soon."
Buffy: "You know, chocolate says that even better."
Willow: "I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name."
Buffy: "Chocolate means nothing to me."

Cordelia: "Nobody told me I was supposed to bring a gift. I was out of the loop
on gifts."
Giles: "It's traditional among... um, people."

Willow: "Do you want me to go real fast? Not that I would..."

Buffy: "You know, a girl died here last night."
Willow: "How?"
Buffy: "Well, the flu."
Xander: "The flu doesn't exactly sound monsterrific."

Buffy: "Death."
Cordelia: "Death?"
Willow: "The Death? As in 'It is your time'?"

Cordelia: "But you do know that you saw death?"
Willow: "Did it have an hourglass?"
Xander: "Ooh, if he asks you to play chess, don't even do it. Guy's, like, a whiz."

Cordelia: "So this isn't about you being afraid of hospitals 'cause your friend
died. and you want to conjure up a monster that you can fight so you can save
everybody and not feel so helpless?"
Giles: "Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?"
Cordelia: "Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass."

Xander: "So, is this the part where we say, 'What can we do to help?'"
Cordelia: "You had to ask that, didn't you?"

Willow: "So, where do we start?"
Giles: "Oh, I don't know, maybe look into the history of the hospital, bizarre
incidents, that sort of thing."
Willow: "I'm sensing a little less than full committal here."
Giles: "Oh, I suppose so. Cordelia may be homerically insensitive, but she may
also be right."

Willow: "But, on the 'we live on the Hellmouth' side, these kids may have seen a
monster."

Security Guard: "You know, most people think that security guards are just
guys that failed the police exam. But that's not me. This is my career."
Cordelia: "Stereotypes are so unfair."
Guard: "I did take the fireman's exam, though. I didn't do so good."
Cordelia: "Oh, well, you know, I think that security guards are way sexier than
firemen. They're all sooty."

Cordelia: "Do you ever get scared?"
Guard: "Fear is for the weak. That's my motto. Either that, or...live in the
moment. I haven't decided yet."

Xander: "Could you make just a little more with the touchy-gropey?"
Cordelia: "Jealous?"
Xander: "Of Rogaine Boy? I don't think so."

Cordelia: "Oh, right, your obsession with protecting Buffy. Have I told you how
attractive that's not?"

Cordelia: "I've seen you watch her back."
Xander: "What is that supposed to mean?"
Cordelia: "Well, I was using the phrase 'watch her back' as a euphemism for
looking at her butt. You know, sort of a pun."
Xander: "Oh, right. Hey!"
Cordelia: "Well, you do."
Xander: "Jealous?"
Cordelia: "Fine, watch my back."

Buffy: "Believe me, I'm not that grown-up."

Giles: "Factor in Buffy's observation that he gives her the, uh, wiggins..."

Buffy: "It wasn't Backer. He was clean."
Cordelia: "What do you mean 'clean'?"
Xander: "What do you mean 'was'?"

Joyce: "Ooh, looks like I interrupted a secret meeting."

Willow: "She doesn't look well."
Buffy: "'Cause I'm not well. I feel all oogy."
Xander: "Increased ooginess. That's a danger signal."

Buffy: "I'll check Backer's office. See if I can find any post-its marked 'Why a
monster might want me dead.'

Willow: "I'm good at medical stuff, since Xander and I used to play doctor all the
time."
Xander: "No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes,
and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it
wrong."
Willow: "Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?"
Buffy: "I...never have."

Giles: "We'll call you if we, uh, know something."
Buffy: "Know something soon."

Xander: "Maybe I'll get lucky with this Death guy."
Cordelia: "He's invisible."
Xander: "Yeah, but if I see a floating pipe and a smoking jacket, he's dropped."

Xander: "Cordy, you should go with Giles."
Giles: "Why do I have to have...? Good thinking, I could do with a research
assistant."
Cordelia: "Let's go, Tact Guy."

Willow: "It's weird going through his things. Look, he didn't finish his coffee.
Guess he won't."

Buffy: "It's too bad Angel didn't put me in the hospital sooner. That's something
I never thought I'd hear myself say."

Willow: "Hey, wait, I think I have something."
Buffy: "Well, Sherlock!"

Cordelia: "Eww, what does this do?"
Giles: "It extracts vital organs to replenish its own mutating cells."
Cordelia: "Wow! What does this one do?"
Giles: "It elongates its mouth to engulf its victims head with its incisors."
Cordelia: "Ouch! Wait, what does this one do?"
Giles: "It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be
working so that nothing is getting done."
Cordelia: "Boy, there's a demon for everything!"

Cordelia: "Oh, eww! Ohh, you should see this thing. The way it does its thing, I
mean, eww! Why do I let you guys drag me into this stuff?"
Giles: "Buffy, are you still there?"
Buffy: "Hanging on every eww."

Willow: "Buffy, that's one hundred percent pure. It'll kill you in an instant."
Buffy: "Oh. They really should put that on the label."

Willow: "Frogs, frogs! Get them off of me! Oh my god, frogs! Get them off of me!
Please, help! Get them off! Frogs! Frogs! Oh my god, they're everywhere!
Frogs!"
Dr. Wilkinson: "Not her, the other one!"
Willow: "No more frogs."

Xander: "You don't know how to kill this thing."
Buffy: "I thought I might try violence."
Xander: "Solid call."

Xander: "He's dead, right? I mean, I heard something snap."
Buffy: "That would be his neck."
Xander: "You're not going to yak on me, are you?"

Joyce: "Here you go, honey, peanut butter and jelly, without the crusts, just the
way you like it."
Buffy: "And the juice?"
Joyce: "Two parts orange, one part grapefruit."
Buffy: "That's my drink."
Joyce: "I measured it exactly."

Xander: "Your mom's trying to bogart the cheesy chips. What's that all about?"

Joyce: "Oh, he drew you a picture. How...nice."