Jonathan: I mean, I'm going Jack Torrence in here, you know? Stuck in this basement for weeks. I mean, we rented the whole house - can't we at least sleep upstairs?
Andrew: We're on the lam. We have to lay low... underground.
Jonathan: That's figurative, doofus. Did you even read *Legion of Doom*?

Buffy: Oh, hi. You didn't, by chance, happen to just eat a couple of nerds, did you?

Willow: Hi, Tara, how are you? I was wondering, maybe, if you want to go out sometime... for coffee, food... kisses, and gay love? [sigh] Hi, Tara. Guess what? Magic-free now for - insert number - days now...

Willow: They're probably just friends. I press my lips against my friends' all the time.
Buffy: I'm sure they're just friends. Once you fall for Willow, you stay fallen.

Xander: Before she left, did she say anything?
Willow: You mean, between the sobs? There was mostly just wheezing.

Willow: So, you left her at the altar, but you still wanna...
Buffy: You still wanna date?

Spike: You looking for me?
Buffy: Really not.

Spike: Right. Let's not listen to Spike. Might get a bit of truth on you.
Willow: Okay, okay. Calm now. Let's turn around and release this very manly thing the other way.

Xander: I forgot. Willy Wannabite can't hurt me.

Doctor: Do you know where you are?
Buffy: Sunnydale.
Doctor: No. None of that's real. None of it. You're in a mental institution. You've been with us now for six years.

Spike: Put a little ice on the back of her neck. She likes that.

Buffy: Some kind of gross, waxy demon-thing poked me.
Xander: And when you say "poke"...?
Buffy: In the arm!

Buffy: They told me that I was sick, I guess crazy, and that Sunnydale and all of this -- none of it was real.
Xander: Oh, come on. That's ridiculous. What? You think this isn't real just because of all the vampires, and demons, and ex-vengeance demons, and the sister that used to be a big ball of universe-destroying energy...?

Willow: Okay, all in favor of research? Motion passed.

Doctor: In her mind, she's the central figure in a fantastic world beyond imagination. She's surrounded herself with friends, most with their own superpowers.

Doctor: Together they face grand, overblown conflicts against an assortment of monsters, both imaginary and rooted in actual myth.

Doctor: Buffy, you used to create these grand villains to battle against. And now what is it? Just ordinary students you went to high school with. No gods or monsters, just three pathetic little men... who like playing with toys.

Warren: Andrew's demon pet has done some number on the Slayer. Got her tripping like a Ken Russell film festival.

Warren: What do you think, Spanky? You think we're plotting against you?
Jonathan: Better not be.

Warren: Now, there's the vault.
Andrew: I still say we're gonna need eight other guys to pull this off.
Warren: I never should have let you see that movie.

Xander: Spike, we need muscle, not color commentary.

Spike: Thinks up some chip in my head. Make me soft, fall in love with her, then turn me into her soddin' sex slave.
Xander: What??
Spike: Nothing. Alternative realities.

Spike: Oh, balls. You didn't say he was a Glarghle Guhl Kashma'nik.
Xander: 'Cause I can't say Glarba--

Xander: I altered his reality! Get it? I-- never mind.

Buffy: I'm okay, Dawn.
Dawn: The thousand-yard stare really helps sell that.

Willow: I'll need its arm.
Xander: I'd like both my arms, too.

Willow: It took a little longer than I'd hoped, no magic and all. Went boom twice, but then I got it.

Spike: I hope you don't think this antidote's gonna rid you of that nasty martyrdom. See, I figured it out, love. You can't help yourself. You're not drawn to the dark like I thought. You're addicted to the misery.

Xander: Hello, I'm back. Clean and with the better smell now.

Xander: Friends? Romans?! Anyone??

Buffy: 'Cause what's more real? A sick girl in an institution, or some kind of supergirl, chosen to fight demons and save the world? That's ridiculous. A girl who sleeps with the vampire she hates?!? Yeah, that makes sense.