| In Omne Tempus by Holly |
| Chapter #16 - From Now Until Forever |
From Now Until Forever “I think this milk is bad,” Willow said, making a face as she thrust the gallon jug away. “Or evil.” “Evil milk?” “It’s the Hellmouth. Everything here’s made with a heaping of evil.” The redhead turned her eyes back to the contents of the refrigerator, locating an unopened jug of milk behind some relatively ignored containers of cottage cheese and mayonnaise. “Why do you keep bad milk if you have good milk?” “We didn’t know the bad milk was bad.” Buffy shrugged. “Mom and I typically don’t drink milk.” “But Spike made you eggs this morning?” “I think he was using other milk. We had three jugs in there. He must’ve gotten lucky and grabbed one that wasn’t evil.” “You sure he didn’t cook with spoiled milk because he’s…you know…evil?” The Slayer frowned at her friend. “Spike lo—cares about me. He wouldn’t make me eggs with spoiled milk.” Willow released a sigh and uncapped the milk, reaching for the glass she had set out for herself on the island. “So,” she said conversationally, “start at the beginning. I only caught the part where he’s on his way to becoming your personal everything.” “This isn’t a high school thing, Will.” The redhead scowled. “I didn’t say it was. Me and Oz aren’t a high school thing. Nuh uh. I-I just think it might be, you know, too soon to say he’s the big it, especially since it’s only been a couple days…and the entire ‘he’s a bloodsucking fiend from beyond the grave’ thing.” “Don’t. It’s not like that.” Willow shot her a skeptical glance. “He’s not a vampire?” “Will…he’s my mate.” There was a heavy pause. “Huh?” Buffy licked her lips and turned her eyes to the counter surface. “This is…it’s a little strange. My mind is still trying to wrap around this entire crazy concept. But apparently Giles knows, and has known.” “He’s your mate?” “Yeah.” “Like…penguins?” The Slayer blinked. “Um…yeah. Okay.” Willow released a deep breath. “It might be a good thing if you started at the beginning. Spike is your mate?” “Yeah…apparently all vampires have mates. Like…predestined mates. When they find each other, their eyes flash a kind of gold and they’re pretty much…well, that’s it. They mate. I think there’s some kinda ritual involved, but that’s the gist.” “But…you’re not a vampire.” Buffy smirked. “Why thank you, Will.” “You know what I mean!” A sigh rattled through her body, and she nodded. “Yeah, I…Spike went to go see Giles last night. I kicked him out, and he went to go see Giles, then he came back to make sure that Angel…Angelus and the others didn’t come by and try to burn down the house or something.” Willow’s eyes went wide. “Spike went to go see Giles?” “Yeah.” “And he’s, you know, still all with the undead?” Buffy arched a brow. “You think Giles would be dumb enough to stake my boyfriend?” She held her friend’s gaze for a minute longer, then glanced down and offered a sigh of concession. “Okay, so yeah, it confused me, too. But from what Spike’s told me, Giles has known something about this all along.” “What? That’s impossible.” A pause. “Giles wouldn’t deliberately keep information from you! He’s…British. They don’t do that.” “Well, it’s not like he’s the only one to keep his lips all sealed. This is evidently a huge cover-up thing. The Council didn’t want it getting out, and up until now, no one else has known about it.” Buffy expelled a deep breath. “And after Spike explained what he thought were the reasons behind it, I admit, it makes sense.” “Spike explained to you? There was no Giles ‘splainy?” “Will, Spike’s my…” Mate. “Boyfriend. I don’t typically see school-types on weekends.” “Except Giles! And that’s the second time you’ve said boyfriend in reference to a vampire. And yes, I’m all with the liberal, political-correctness and what have you, but that’s kinda wigging me out.” “You’re dating a werewolf!” Willow flushed and glanced down. “Again…liberal, political-correctness.” “A member of the slightly-furry society?” “Well—” “Spike found out that there are some vampires…that every slayer that’s ever lived has had a vampire mate. Well, there’s been one predestined to a vampire…like Spike and I are predestined for each other. But as far as we know…as far as the Council knows, or is willing to share…Spike and I are the first that have ever found each other.” Buffy paused. “The first…I’m the first slayer to have a vampire mate…and know about it.” There was a long, deafening silence. “Willow? You still with me?” “You’re mates with a vampire?” Buffy released a high pitched laugh. “Here I could’ve sworn that’s what I’ve been saying for the past ten minutes.” “Oh my God!” “And it finally hits her…” “That’s so…oh my God!” There was a strange light of romantic intrigue in her best friend’s eyes; the last thing she would have expected from Ms. Sensible. “I can’t believe that! So, he’s like…he’s your match, then! If the Powers were all with the match-making and he’s the one…Buffy!” The Slayer blinked. “Did the Pod People come by? Who are you, and where were you three minutes ago?” “I’m just saying…that’s kinda dreamy.” Buffy offered a weak smile. “Yeah, he—it kinda is. Spike’s…” Wonderful. “Pretty dreamy.” Willow’s excitement deflated slowly. It wasn’t difficult to sense her friend’s dismay. The heavy barrier that kept her from embracing the lemons that life had handed her. “What’s wrong? He hasn’t…I mean, this isn’t a good thing? Buffy plus love equals happiness, right?” She sighed. “But then, if it was a happy thing, you probably wouldn’t have called me, jonesing for sad chick flicks and Ben and Jerry’s.” “Ah. I see you’ve slipped into your secret identity.” “Huh?” “Willow Rosenberg—P.I of Loooove.” The redhead flushed. “Well…I guess not really a secret identity if you know about it.” “Ahh, secret identities are overrated…and totally easy to maintain. Seriously, there could be a feature called Buffy Summers—The Vampire Slayer That Could in the paper and people would still be clueless.” The other girl heaved another sigh. “I just want you to be happy. And hey! Not saying that a vampire was my number one choice, but the Powers know better than I do, I guess. Why can’t this be a happy thing for you?” Buffy was quiet for a long moment. “It’s…it’s complicated, Wills.” “So…uncomplicate it. Explain it to me.” There was a long, thick silence. “I…ummm, I…it’s just hard. I don’t know how to explain it. I guess it’s…the longer I’m around him, the longer we’re around each other, the more attached we become. And not just emotionally…emotionally I could deal with. It’s a physical thing. Like…he’s been gone for a little while now, and I miss him. I miss him to the point where it almost hurts. Kinda like my leg was amputated and I’m still trying to feel my toes. He’s here…I can feel him, but I can’t see him, and he isn’t close enough to make the hurt go away.” Tears filled her eyes just thinking about it, and she cursed herself for her weakness. Buffy Summers was not a cry baby. Not the way she had been in the past few days. She didn’t cry. She refused. She was too tough to cry—she had a sacred duty to upkeep, and tears would only get in the way. “I’ve never felt anything like this.” Willow frowned and placed a supportive hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Are you okay?” “No!” “Oh, Buffy—” “I don’t want to be this dependent on someone! I don’t…and even if I wanted to say no, I can’t. Spike’s it. He’s the only one I can have…the only one that I’ll…” She held up a hand, foreseeing the other girl’s protest. “It’s something in our…aura…blood, I dunno. But it’s…it’s pretty much the reason why I haven’t been able to be with anyone else.” “Because you and Spike…” “Yeah.” Buffy sniffed. “I’m just…Spike’s been wonderful, Will. I don’t want you to think he hasn’t, because he really has. He’s just…he’s ideal. Like Prince Charming if Grimm’s Fairytales hadn’t been Disney-ized.” “So what’s wrong?” “I don’t know if it’s me he wants.” “What?” She exhaled slowly, her eyes finding a spec on the counter to focus on. The root of her fear was suddenly front and center and she didn’t know if she could handle it. Granted, Spike had done everything to convince her of the contrary over the past two days, and with as much as she wanted to believe him, she had too much experience with the general nastiness of people to place too much trust in good will alone. She didn’t want to judge Spike as a vampire, because he had earned more of her esteem than a casually branded stereotype. So she judged him as a man, and that was almost worse. Tying her deepest worries with the weight of eternity on her shoulders, and she was fairly terrified. And now, those fears were no longer blocked by the passionate storm of her vampire’s eyes. Now it was just Willow. Willow who was her friend, and fairly objective; Willow who wanted the best for her, and would not lie. “When Spike…when we mate,” she began softly. “It’s forever.” “Forever?” “As in forever forever. I think it’s some sort’ve compensation…me being human and a slayer; i.e, the very thing that vamps are supposed to, you know, hate and kill.” Buffy paused. “Vampires don’t have to love each other, though. They can be mated and hate, and use each other for blood and sex and nothing else. I don’t want an eternity of that.” “You think Spike is using you for—” “What? No! God, no. I just…I don’t know if he knows…if he wants me because of me, or because I’m his mate. He’s been following me forever, Will. He’s waited for me to be old enough for him.” She shook her head at the dumbstruck look on her friend’s face. “Don’t ask—I don’t wanna go into it.” “Okay.” “But he’s been waiting. Whatever I’m feeling now, he’s dealt with it for years. And now that we’re…I just don’t know if he can tell the difference between warm fuzzies and his demon being all with the excitement that the wait is over. That it isn’t just the claim he’s feeling.” Buffy bit her lip. “I don’t want an eternity of being resented.” “Why would he resent you?” “He’s the only vampire who’s had a slayer for a mate. I’d resent that.” “But it’s not your fault, Buffy.” “Like that matters?” “Well, it doesn’t sound like you’re giving him enough credit. If the man’s followed you around for so long and not acted on his first impulse for…well, years, you said…it can’t be all about the claim.” “I don’t…this is forever, Willow. And I can’t go back on it. When it’s done, it’s done.” “I understand that.” “You don’t have the look and sound of someone who understands.” The other girl shook her head. “Well…look, I don’t know Spike. All I know about him is what you’ve told me. But you said that claims don’t include love…so if he’s not feeling anything but the claim, he would’ve acted on it. He has to care for you, just a little. And you’ve said he’s been honest with you. If the guy was one-track minded, don’t you think he would’ve lied to you to get what he wanted while telling you what you wanted to hear?” “No.” Willow nodded. “Yeah? Why’s that?” “Because Spike’s not like that.” “Then…well, Buffy, there’s your answer! If he’s not like that, then he’s feeling something other than the claim. If he’s all with the ‘give spacey’ and the honesty and the patience and the…well, don’t you think that if all he wanted was to get this claim business out of the way, he would’ve done it?” Buffy shook her head. “No…I’m not saying he’s trying to manipulate me or get me to…I’m just worried that he’s feeling things that don’t exist.” “That’s stupid.” The Slayer’s eyes narrowed. “So says she who was briefed on all this ten minutes ago!” “Well…what do you feel for Spike? Beyond the pained achies that you’re away from him…is there anything else?” That lent her pause. Was there anything else? Dammit, she was terrified that she was halfway in love with him, and that was just crazy. Buffy had never been in love before, and had never considered what love would feel like when—and more likely—if she found it. There were only hours of acquaintance between them. Hours. She hadn’t even known him yet for half a week, and she was afraid she could love him. More over, she was even more terrified that it had very little to do with the claim. “Yes,” she said hoarsely. “More than the claim.” Willow nodded eagerly. “And you know it’s more than the claim?” “Yes.” “Then why the hell do you think Spike would confuse one for the other? Does he have a disability that you haven’t told me about?” “No!” “Then…are you sure this is the only thing? ‘Cause Buffy, being worried about forever isn’t something to be ashamed about. I’d be scared if I were you! Hell, I can barely look past college…an eternity?” “That’s another thing…” Buffy released a steady breath. “It terrified me when he said it, but…the word stopped scaring me. I don’t know how…but I think I could handle it.” “Then you’re a braver woman than I am…though I guess that goes without say.” “Forever doesn’t scare me like it should. I’m wigged that it doesn’t, but honestly, the past two days have been jam packed with things that should creep me out to the inth degree but haven’t.” She paused. “It doesn’t wig me out. I think maybe I was just…since this was a possibility for me, being the Slayer…a possibility all along.” Willow nodded again. “That makes total sense.” Buffy released a steady breath. “I’m scared.” “Of what? Give it a name. It’s okay.” “Change.” “That’s natural.” She waited a beat. “But you want it, don’t you?” “Yes.” “And that’s all you need to know. You want it, Spike wants it…and you can’t make excuses like, he doesn’t really care about you. You know he cares about you. If he didn’t, you wouldn’t be worried and upset. You’d be angry and with the throwing of sharp objects…hopefully while on patrol.” Willow smiled sympathetically. “But it is a big thing. I think you just need someone to tell you that it’s all right…and believe it.” The Slayer shook her head. “I don’t understand how you can be so optimistic. You don’t know Spike…all you know is what I’ve told you.” “Yeah. And you’ve told me all I need to know. I might not know Spike, but I know you. And I’ve never seen you like this. Never. You can’t tell me it’s the claim, because it’s not.” Willow paused a beat. “I’ve been on the Hellmouth and your sidekick long enough to know when something’s mystical and something’s not. Maybe not all vampires love who they’re mated to, but yours will. Else he wouldn’t be mated to a slayer.” “What if this is the way of the Powers taking me out?” “You think Spike would do that?” Buffy didn’t even need to brood over that one. “No.” “Then there’s your answer.” “You know, I think there might be a reason you’re Valedictorian.” Willow shook her head, blushing furiously. “Naw…honestly, Buff. Anyone could’ve told you that. You just needed to be heard by someone on the outside. People who know you know you, you know?” “I know.” She smiled. “Thanks, Will.” She discovered the hard way that pain increased when she was alone. When there wasn’t someone there to distract her. To take up her time with chatter and distract the inner pangs that demanded the comfort of Spike’s embrace. It began to hurt again just seconds after Willow left. Within an hour, the pain was unbearable. It was unlike anything she’d ever felt, or wanted to feel again. As though her body was failing her, split down the middle, and the leg she could no longer feel was now half of her being. Everything that rises must converge, she thought bitterly. She wondered if Spike was going through the same thing, or if he was so used to this that he could block it out. He’d dealt with this for fourteen years. And he’d done it for her. There was no way she could patrol tonight. She’d be dead before she could lock up the house. Buffy hobbled to the sofa and turned on the television. Looked like another night for AMC and some of the golden oldies. Only when she looked up, her breath caught in her throat and the tears she’d been keeping at bay all night came spilling down her cheeks. “Spike…” “Came in through the back,” her vampire said solemnly. “Sorry, sweetheart, I jus’ couldn’t take it anymore.” “Take it?” “Could feel you with every step I took.” He moved forward, eyes drowning away her sorrow. He’s here! He’s here! her mind shouted, and her body went numb with joy. “Till the end, I din’t know if it was you or me that I was feelin’ anymore.” “Oh…” A long beat stretched between them. “’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve…” A sigh rolled off Spike’s shoulders and he turned again to leave. “I jus’ thought you needed me.” Buffy sprung to her feet, her heart hammering. He was just feet away, and the ache had already begun to dwindle. Suddenly, the rest didn’t seem to matter nearly as much. “I do!” she cried. “Please—” That was all he needed to hear. Spike pivoted promptly, his eyes awash in relief. “Oh thank God.” He spread his arms, and that was all she needed. Space between them no longer existed. She practically flew into the comfort of his embrace, her skin rejoicing with the feel of him against her. Calming the rage that was snarling and clawing at her insides. Giving her peace. Spike murmured words of comfort into her hair. The rage was quiet. Her mate was with her. And for now at least, that was all that mattered. To be continued in Chapter Seventeen: Just One Little Dance… |