| Two By Two Hands of Blue by Thursday Next |
| Chapter #10 - Chapter 10: "Grown Ups Are Stupid" |
| Chapter Ten: “Grown ups are stupid” There was a palpable tension in the atmosphere of the firefly class vessel as it approached the core. So far they had managed to avoid any alliance interference, which was a promising start. The planned raid was scheduled for the next night, and although they didn’t talk about it, everyone on board the knew that this would be one of the most dangerous missions they had yet undertaken. Willow was spending most of the time with Wash at the helm, relaying the directions she had retrieved from River’s mind. River herself wandered the ship, growing frightened by the tension and fear which radiated from crew and passengers alike. In the infirmary she found her brother and Kaylee. River liked Kaylee, she was kind to her. She knew that Kaylee liked Simon, and Simon liked Kaylee although he wasn’t very good at showing it. River smiled to herself. Grown ups were stupid sometimes. If only they could see the way their feelings stretched out towards each other like colourful lights in the darkness. And it was not just her brother and Kaylee. The captain and Inara had lights which danced around each other but did not touch. River wondered why they did not touch when they clearly wanted to. The newcomers were the worst offenders, River decided. The boy’s light was bright and called to the girl. Hers was the same, but she didn’t see it. And tomorrow it would be too late. Something bad was going to happen, River could taste it like a bad taste like eels or jellyfish or something squishy and poisonous. Something bad. “Hey River,” Kaylee turned and smiled at the girl in the doorway. There was a nervousness in her face not quite concealed by the bright smile she put on for River’s benefit. “Everything will be alright,” River assured her, patting the older girl on the arm comfortingly, the way Kaylee had often given River comfort when she was disturbed. Kaylee and Simon couldn’t help sharing a sly smile. “My brother will look after us, he looks after me,” River continued. Simon was suddenly serious. “Well, you two may have to look after each other if anything happens to me tomorrow,” he said with a frown. “Simon, don’t say that!” Kaylee protested. “It’s not you they want,” River said dreamily, “You will come back.” She cocked her head to one side and smiled, “Kaylee is worried, Simon, maybe you need to kiss her better,” she grinned cheekily and skipped out of the room, leaving Simon and Kaylee looking embarrassed. For once it was Simon who took the initiative. “Perhaps she is right,” he said. Kaylee raised her eyes to his. Tentatively, he leaned towards her, pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss which Kaylee eagerly returned. Outside the infirmary, River smothered a laugh and hugged herself happily. If only the others on the ship would be so easily persuaded. But although she did not comprehend why, she understood that some relationships were more complicated. ---------------------- He didn’t know what he was looking for when he went to her shuttle. A companion, rather than a Companion. Solace, perhaps, but of the tea and sympathy variety, he did not intend to make use of her professional skills. He had come to view her if not quite as a friend, at least as someone in whom he could confide, or at least pass the time in companionable silence. Spike knocked softy and Inara let him in. They sat in silence as she poured tea, both of their minds elsewhere. Reaching across to hand Spike a china cup, the sleeve of Inara’s dress caught the tall teapot, causing the cup to fly out of her hands, spilling its contents over Spike’s chest. He yelped involuntarily and flew to his feet. The pain disappeared as quickly as it had come, though, a little scalding was barely more than a tickle to a vampire. “I’m so sorry!” Inara flew over to him, dabbing at the spilt tea with a cloth, “Are you hurt? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” “I’m fine,” Spike caught her wrists, “Stop that, it’s fine, really. Just a little wet.” He turned and pulled his soaked t-shirt over his head and laid it flat over the back of the chair. He turned back to Inara, only to see her sunk down on her couch, her head in her hands. He went over to her and put one hand on her shoulder. “It was only tea, pet. What’s wrong?” “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, that’s the problem! In all my years of training and working as a Companion, I have never spilt tea. I have always prided myself on being graceful…it’s why I’m one of the best there is. I never, never let my feelings get the better of me.” She sat up and her bracelets jangled. “I don’t know why I’m letting Mal get to me. I don’t know why I’m telling you that I let him get to me. Ever since you arrived you…saw through me. Which is making it harder.” “Sorry,” Spike said, but without moving, “Guess your whole non-relationship with the captain reminded me of something.” “How are things with you and Buffy?” Inara was grateful to turn the mirror away from her own feelings. Other people’s feelings she could deal with. “I don’t know,” Spike shrugged. “I just last from day to day. Just being near her, sometimes being allowed to help her is….oh, who am I kidding? It’s not enough, it never will be. But it’s the best I can hope for under the circumstances.” “Maybe she doesn’t realise that she takes you for granted,” Inara suggested. A change came over her whole posture as she twisted to look Spike in the eye, noticing perhaps for the first time that he was shirtless. “Maybe she needs reminding that you are a desirable young man.” She placed one manicured hand on his bare chest. “Maybe I can help you with that. It is my job, after all.” Spike shook his head, lifting Inara’s hand from his chest but holding it in his own hand. “I’m not a job,” he said. “Perhaps you don’t know that a Companion chooses her clients very carefully. I said when I arrived here that I would never do business with the crew. But you’re not crew, exactly. And besides in your case I’m willing to make an exception. It could be something we both need?” If she came any closer, she would realise that he had no heartbeat. He could hear hers, slightly increased but not galloping with passion. This was an intriguing situation, but it was a cool offer, neither of them was carried away by desire. And in a way it made it more appealing. They both knew their limitations, would be going into this with their eyes open, it could be what they both needed. Spike took a deep breath. --------------------------------- River found Buffy alone. The Slayers looked at each other, warily at first. River sat down opposite Buffy and the older girl sighed. “You know, I have a sister, back home. She’s called Dawn. You kind of remind me of her.” “Is she a Slayer?” River wanted to know. “No, she’s…it’s a long story.” “Do you miss her?” “Wow, what’s with the twenty questions? You’re surprisingly…lucid, today.” “I’m trying to help you see your lights before it’s too late.” “Ok, or maybe not. My lights?” “You don’t see them,” River sighed, “Your light shines bright…” she giggled at the rhyme and Buffy started to get up. No time for silly games. “No time for silly games,” River said, echoing Buffy’s thoughts. “What?” Buffy sat back down. “Grown ups are so stupid,” River said, shaking her head as if in exasperation at a naughty child. “Are you afraid?” “About tomorrow? It’s…what I do.” “It might go wrong.” River said. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” “You might never see him again.” Buffy sucked in a breath. “Who?” she asked weakly, but there was only one name, one face that appeared in her mind when River said that. “You love him,” River said simply. “I…” she couldn’t confirm or deny it. “I can’t.” Buffy got to her feet and began pacing the room, agitated. “There’s too much going on, I don’t have time for…” the excuses she had made to herself time and time again died on her lips as she recalled River’s warning, ‘you might never see him again’. Her chest ached at the thought. “I don’t know what to do,” Buffy said simply and helplessly. “Just go to him,” River said, as if it was the most simple thing in the world. ----------------- “No,” Spike stopped, “It’s a tempting offer, but…” he sighed, wondering how best to explain his refusal. “I know how you see it could be a comfort, to both of us. But to me…I’m not saying sex always has to mean something, because I know that it doesn’t. But Buffy…she would never understand. And I love her. She might not want me, but I know it would hurt her if I…staying true to her is one thing I can do for her, even if she doesn’t appreciate it. I’m sorry.” “It’s ok,” Inara said, “I understand.” She leant in and kissed him on the cheek. “I just hope that she appreciates what she’s got one day. You’d better go get yourself a clean shirt.” “You’ll be…” “Fine,” Inara told him, and meant it. Picking up his soaked t-shirt, Spike turned to leave. ------------- Just go to him. It sounded simple enough advice. But Buffy knew that the execution would be more complicated. There would have to be talking, and she wasn’t very good at that, would be bound to say the wrong thing. Although the right thing would be so easy to say. ‘Spike, I love you.’ Simple. But at the same time, not simple at all. Maybe there wouldn’t need to be talking. Maybe there could just be kissing. But no, that would not solve things at all. “Buffy?” He was there. That wasn’t right, she hadn’t worked out what she was going to say, yet. Where had he come from? And why wasn’t he wearing his shirt? Buffy looked past him and caught a glimpse of Inara, in the doorway of her shuttle. She looked at Spike again, hair messed up, a smudge of lipstick on his cheek. She felt sick. Buffy turned and walked quickly away, ignoring Spike calling after her. |