| What He Deserves by LadyYashka |
| Chapter #1 - Hate Me |
| "I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home" Buffy wouldn’t go. She couldn’t. It wouldn’t be right. She’d just use him again. Unable and unwilling to give Spike what he needed, what he deserved. It wasn’t in her. She couldn’t love like that. So Buffy would stay away and pretend. Pretend she was happy. That she’d moved on. She would ignore the fact that not going to him was slowly killing her. After all, she had killed him with that amulet. It didn’t matter if Buffy hadn’t known what it would do. Her friends had and they never said a word to either her or Spike. They hadn’t trusted him to do the right thing. Hadn’t thought she’d want to sacrifice Angel instead. So, no, no one would know. "You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate, You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take,So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind,And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind" Now Spike was back and they all knew. They had all said the same thing. Spike was no good for her. She deserved better. She finally had a chance at a normal life. "Hate me today Hate me tomorrow Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you" Buffy had just smiled and nodded. How could they ever know? She had thought as they did. Even after Spike came back with his soul, she had just known his world was all about her. She had been vain, self centered, and unworthy. He was everything they were not. "Hate me in ways Yeah ways hard to swallow Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you" Spike loved unconditionally. Spike forgave instantly. Buffy and her friends barely managed to let go of imagined wrongs. They pretended to love and forgive. Only they never loved, nor did they forgive Spike. Giles was Ripper and had betrayed them before. Willow had raped their minds and tried to kill off the world. Xander had destroyed the woman who had loved him. He had ignored Anya when she was his and tried to control her when she wasn’t. They didn’t know what was good for themselves much less her. "And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made" This, though, she knew. She was no good for him. So with a smile on her face and her heart bleeding in her chest, she marched onward. Buffy would give Spike the life he deserved. One without her in it. "Hate me today Hate me tomorrow Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you" |
| Chapter #2 - Away For Far To Long |
| "This time, This place Misused, Mistakes Too long, Too late Who was I to make you wait Just one chance Just one breath Just in case there's just one left 'Cause you know, you know, you know" It didn’t matter any more. Not the world, and certainly not her friends. When Angel had shown up, battered, bruised and bitter, Buffy had been shocked. They all soon found out that Angel had decided to wage a war against Wolfram and Hart. He had sacrificed his friends for false glory and petty dreams, only to find out that he didn’t measure up. He spouted off about his destiny, his reward, and how Spike had stolen it all. Angel had told them about how after he’d won the battle that Spike had been rewarded. That Spike was now human. The angry, bitter, foul worlds that pour forth from her friend’s mouths had shocked her. Buffy could feel her rage boiling in her blood, could feel the slayer half begging to be set free. How dare they speak that way of her Champion. "That I love you I have loved you all along And I miss you Been far away for far too long I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore" When Willow suggested finding a spell to “fix” things for Angel and Giles had offered to have Spike “taken care of”, Buffy got the shock of her life. Andrew, who had been sitting next to Giles calmly drove his pen into the other man’s hand. Dawn had then dumped her hot coffee on Willow’s head. Standing the two wove their arms together and walked to the double doors leading out of the conference room. Opening the door, Dawn had simply asked Buffy, “Coming?” Wasting no time Buffy followed them out the doors and out of the Council. When they got back to Rome, they quickly packed up their flat and headed for Los Angelus. They also had about four hundred slayers following. "On my knees, I'll ask Last chance for one last dance 'Cause with you, I'd withstand All of hell to hold your hand I'd give it all I'd give for us Give anything but I won't give up 'Cause you know, you know, you know" Spike didn’t know what to think. One minute he’d been fighting the hordes of the Senior Partner’s army, next he was standing before the Oracles. He remembered being dusted. Spike could still feel the cold sting of the blade as it sliced through his skin. He had been told he was going to be reborn, given the gift he was meant to receive. The tide was shifting and a new era was forming. Soon slayers, champions, and those who fought to protect the world would be united. Spike was told they would need a leader. Some one to train, counsel, protect, and stand by them. Humans, demons, and witches would all be called forth to keep the balance of many worlds. The Oracles said that no longer would one world fight alone. All worlds and their champions would know and help each other. It would be a long hard road, filled with those who believed they knew better. It would be a battle against all sides wanting to keep the champions alone and isolated. Despite the odds Spike was more than up to the challenge. "So far away Been far away for far too long So far away Been far away for far too long But you know, you know, you know" He had just been getting used to being alive when a knock sounded on his door. Opening it Spike was shocked to see Buffy, Andrew, and Dawn standing in the hallway before his apartment. Looking into Buffy’s hazel eyes, Spike watched a soft smile begin to cover her face. Placing a gentle hand on his cheek, Buffy looked into Spike’s wide blue eyes and said, “I’m sorry, for everything. I love you.” "I wanted I wanted you to stay 'Cause I needed I need to hear you say That I love you I have loved you all along And I forgive you For being away for far too long So keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go" |