Aftermath
By Amy
Chapter 1: Aftermath
Buffy sighed softly, rubbing her throbbing head and swallowing two more pain killers. She’d had headaches ever since the battle had ended. Oddly, life was sort of normal again. The SIT’s were all packed up and back home, training other girls and keeping in touch for advice through e mail, IMs, and phone calls. Faith and Wood had SERIOUSLY hooked up and were busy with the Hellmouth in Cleveland. Andrew had actually met a nice guy and had moved to Denver. Willow and Kennedy had split up but were still friends. Willow had come to realize that she was still not over Tara and it wasn’t fair to Kennedy to make her play second choice. Buffy had a sneaking suspicion she was gonna try to bring Tara back the right way. Tara was exactly what Willow needed, especially now. And this was different; Tara probably wanted to come back from Heaven to be with her Willow. And oddly enough or maybe not so, there was a hint of something between Dawn and Xander. Not that it was a bad thing in her book, in spite of the age difference. She had NO room to say anything on that topic considering Angel and Spike. She was happy for them. Giles had gotten them a very nice renovated Victorian house in the San Francisco Bay area and was the librarian at a private school nearby. That was enough to get a weak laugh from her. She stared down into the darkness of the battered and chipped yellow Kiss the Librarian mug that Giles had happily surrendered to Spike. Stirring her tea slowly she bit her lower lip somehow she’d ended up with it in spite of everything.
Just thinking about Spike hurt. Knowing he was gone left her feeling empty and less than whole. Not to mention the look on his face that still haunted her every time she closed her eyes. It took her several years to FINALLY tell him she loved him and mean it and he stood there and told her she didn’t. What the hell was THAT about?! Growling softly she sipped the steaming tea. God she could almost smell him. The rich combined scents of old leather, clove cigarettes, whiskey, and just HIM. It was so hard to pretend she was ok, that she was dealing with her new life but she really wasn’t. She’d come to depend on Spike’s strength, support, and yes his love so much and to suddenly have it torn away was almost more than she could handle. Tiredly she shut off the lights, heading up to her room. Crawling into bed she fondly hugged Mr. Gordo, another little thing from her life before the final battle that had shown up mysteriously. She’d come up to bed one night to find him sitting in the middle of the bed. Smiling she hugged the pig, staring out the windows. “At least I’ll always be able to depend on ONE man in my life huh.” Laughing bitterly she hugged the pig, falling asleep slowly.
The sound of her own sobs woke her and she shivered slightly. It was the same dream again. Spike, telling her he knew she didn’t love him and then the cavern caving in around him. Shivering she crawled to the edge of the bed, grabbing a stack of CD’s and her Discman, maybe listening to some music would help. Again, another odd coincidence. Most of them were CD’s Spike had listened to. They definitely weren’t the sort of thing any of the rest of them would listen to. Maybe Dawn had kept them somehow and they’d gotten mixed in with all the other CD’s. That HAD to be it. Sure, her first thought had been it was another freaky thing from The First’s bag of tricks, but then she had to remind herself that they’d defeated it. Picking one of the CDs she remembered him often listening to, she put the headphones on and turned up the volume. Ok, so his taste in music wasn’t as bad as she’d thought. Even though the words of the song stung a bit she still liked it. It was the Highlander theme by Queen. To almost anyone else it would have been a major pump up the heart rate for a good workout type song but it made her relax. She wouldn’t doubt for a second the somewhere in the branches of Spike’s family tree there’d been royalty. The more she thought about it the more she could see it in his attitude and that swagger. As far as rivals went, he didn’t have any serious ones. Not even Angel. Spike could kick Angel’s ass any day. He had years of rage on his side to fuel him in a real fight. And he could keep a clear enough head to banter with Angelus and still win the physical part of the fight. And no, no man could ever be his equal but they had both been more than surprised to learn they were each other’s equal.
Halfway through the CD she was just laying in bed staring out the windows. She squinted through the darkness at the windows. When had she opened them? She couldn’t quite remember. Didn’t matter, the breeze was nice. Sorta salty tonight, coming from the direction of the ocean she could glimpse in the distance. She smiled, closing her eyes briefly with a sigh, another song cutting through to her. This time it was Who Wants to Live Forever.
Made her wonder if despite of what he said it bothered him some to know he had a pretty good chance of living forever. They’d gotten WAY beyond trashed one night and had ended up having a very deep discussion on if he had the chance to change everything if he would. Not surprisingly he didn’t want to change anything, except he admitted he would have stopped the whole I’m going to kill you and I hate you Slayer game a lot sooner so they could have had a real shot at being a couple, and a few other things he didn’t want to go into detail about but mostly he was happy with how things had turned out. And when he’d asked her, she’d said much the same. Make a few changes, mostly less of Angel, Parker, and Riley more of him. But the living for so long, well she had to admit to him she’d sort of like to do it. Being the Slayer really cut into having much of a life. Living for a good long time sorta sounded appealing.
The soft cool breeze made her remember Spike’s touch and oddly the memory didn’t hurt. If she concentrated hard enough, she could ALMOST make herself believe it WAS his touch. Usually it didn’t feel QUITE this real. Maybe she was just missing him more tonight. Wincing she rubbed her right knee. It had gotten pretty messed up in the battle and even with Slayer healing it hadn’t healed quite right. She probably was getting arthritis or something. Perfect, arthritis in her twenties. Just what she needed, frosting on the cookie that was her life. NOT. Sighing she wished Spike was there to tease her about moping over arthritis and throw being over a hundred and not having a thing wrong with him in her face like he usually did when she complained. She continued rubbing her knee, her skin cooled by the breeze. Some nights like this she would have given into the need that the coolness helped to dull and let herself imagine it was Spike touching her, pleasing her, but not tonight. She was too tired and her knee was really starting to hurt and that was a real mood killer. Thinking back on it she’d been having a little trouble with that same knee for a while now. Not this bad but still enough to make her annoyed now and then. Trying to remember just when he knee had started bothering her gave her something to do. She grinned slowly. That had to be it. It had started bothering her sometimes just after she and Spike had brought down that abandoned house. Mmmm that had been good, so good. God she missed him so much.
All right Buffy, enough of that, time for a hot bath. For more than just her knee, the scalding water made it impossible to think of the glorious coolness of Spike’s body against hers. She sighed deeply, blinking back tears. Why wasn’t he here? Why did she have to go on without him just when she’d figured it all out? It just wasn’t fair! She missed him so much needed him so much. He had been right, he was in her now, heart, soul, mind, body, blood all screamed for him. Clutching Mr. Gordo she cried herself to sleep before she managed to get to taking a bath. Softly the shadows moved closer to her, tenderly brushing her cheek and murmuring soothing words of comfort as they tucked the blankets in around her. She calmed in her sleep, smiling faintly and murmuring Spike’s name. Sighing softly her muscles unwound as she felt herself held in strong arms.
There had been a time years ago when she would have given anything to have gone to Angel and let him hold her. But not now. There was too much history there, too much pain for both of them. She loved him, always would. But Spike, Spike would always be the great love of her life and nothing would be the same without him. It hurt losing him a whole hell of a lot more than when she’d thought Angel was gone. This was a different pain. More intense. But somehow, that pain was less when she was held like this even if it was just another dream. And now, she could almost smell him again, feel the soft supple leather of his coat against her as he held her. And more than that she could practically feel his soft kisses and nuzzles on her cheek kissing her tears away, hear his rich voice purring in her ear. ‘Hush pet, I’m here. ‘S all right now. I got you. Make it stop hurting.’ She really had to stop this, it wasn’t good to keep giving into these little fantasies letting herself pretend they were real, that he was actually there holding her. It wasn’t good. Too tempting to just stay there with her memories and not go back to the pain and emptiness. At the moment though she didn’t care didn’t want to think about it. For the time being there was peace and comfort and even a faint sense of hope she hadn’t felt before. The thought that maybe, just maybe, things would be better. Maybe not as soon as she would like, but still they would be better.
Reluctantly she got up the next morning, looking at the now closed windows. Had she gotten up sometime during the night and closed them. Maybe Giles had come in to check on her and closed them. She wouldn’t be surprised if he had. Sighing softly she closed her eyes, swearing she caught Spike’s familiar scent, and was that a scattering of ashes on her windowsill? Ok, enough of that. It was day now and there were things to do. Giles would be at the school and Xander had gotten a really nice job as foreman of a construction crew. Willow was probably with some members of her new coven, probably talking about the RIGHT way to bring Tara back. They seemed really supportive of the idea and wanted to help. Something about it not being Tara’s time yet and second chances. Dawn would probably be at one of the little galleries that dotted the nearby neighborhoods. She’d picked up on their Mom’s love of art and had actually learned a lot from hanging around the Sunnydale gallery and listening to Mom talk about art for hours on end. Usually she’d just tune out but apparently Dawn had actually listened and picked up on a few things. And with her charming personality she could get the most reluctant of customers and the no thanks I’m just looking crowd to buy expensive stuff.
She’d considered going back to college but her heart just wasn’t in it. She didn’t really want to stick with Psychology it was just way too technical. And besides there was the whole lingering Riley, Dr. Walsh, Initiative, Adam, chip in Spike’s head thing. Funny, everyone else had picked up and moved on so easily. Everyone but her. Now she understood how the rest of them had felt when she was off doing the Slayer thing and they just had to sit back and watch. Now they all had lives and she just puttered around the house. Sighing she pulled her hair up into a tucked in ponytail and moved to make the bed. She froze as he foot came down on something squishy but faintly crunchy. Wrinkling her nose she picked up the crushed remains of a cigarette. How many times was she going to have to ask Xander to not wear his boots in the house. That would be a more logical explanation that letting herself hope that maybe it could have been left by Spike somehow. Shaking her head she started to straighten the blankets on the bed. Just when she thought things couldn’t get weirder, they did. Normally she just used one pillow and the other just sat there. But this morning it had obviously been moved and used and the side of the bed she didn’t sleep on was sort of rumpled. She vaguely remembered having a nightmare. That had to be why the bed was all messed up. Sighing she straightened the other pillow, blinking as the sunlight caught a few platinum strands on the pillow. She shook her head backing away. No, this couldn’t be real, it just couldn’t! There were too many things, too much evidence for it all to be a coincidence. Giles, she needed to call Giles and have him come over. Trembling she picked up the phone, dialing his office in the school library. “G, Giles, can, can you come home? PLEASE?!” He was immediately concerned by her tone. “Buffy, is everything all right? What’s wrong?” She shook her head. “No, Giles, everything is NOT all right. I don’t know what’s wrong!! Just, just can you come home, please!!” He sighed softly. “Of course. I’ll be there shortly.” She nodded. “Thanks Giles.”
Still shaking she went downstairs, curling up on the couch and just staring at the wall. She looked up briefly when Giles came in, getting up to pace. “Just sit, I just need to talk.” She began to pace, acutely aware of his eyes on her. “O.k. MAJOR weird stuff has been going on since we moved in here. Spike type stuff. Like, like I keep SMELLING him. You know because he had this smell that was just HIM. And, and then there’s Mr. Gordo. MY Mr. Gordo not some Mr. Gordo look alike! I mean only MY Mr. Gordo has the tip of his left ear missing and the tip of his tail isn’t fluffy anymore because Spike was a big stupid head jerk and decided he was gonna curl his tail the other way, and, and, and then last night, the windows, I didn’t open the windows and next thing I know they’re closed again. And the CD’s, they don’t belong to any of us. None of us adore the Sex Pistols and Queen but the CD’s show up in my room, there were cigarette ashes on my windowsill, a cigarette butt on my floor, and my bed was all messed up. I sleep on one side. I don’t use both pillows and I don’t mess up the other side of the bed and it was this morning and I had this dream that Spike was back and he was holding me so I could sleep. Because sometimes he used to do that because I had nightmares and they went away if he held me and then I was making the bed this morning and there’s these blond blond hairs on the pillow I don’t sleep on and they’re WAY shorter and lighter than mine and all the other stuff and am I losing my mind?!” She sniffled softly, shaking slightly. “This, this can’t be happening. I mean Spike’s gone, big glowy light. Light, vampire, NOT a good mix There’s, there’s just no way he could have survived and I have to be going crazy, because that is the only explanation that makes ANY sense but I don’t want to be going crazy Giles. I want Spike back. I need him back. And I know all the reasons I shouldn’t and that none of you would approve even if he was somehow miraculously still alive and this sounds like just back from the dead Spike makes me feel Buffy but I don’t care. I need him.” She sniffled softly, finally coming to a stop with her back to Giles. Taking a shaky breath she lowered her head, wrapping her arms around herself tightly.
Quietly Giles put his arms around her, letting her cling to him and cry. Gently he smoothed her hair and rubbed her back, not sure exactly what to say. Finally he gently tipped her chin up. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say, how to help you.” Buffy shrugged faintly. “Just be here.” He nodded. “Of course. I’ll call the school and take the rest of the day off. I’m sure someone can take over for me. Will you be all right while I call?” Nodding slightly Buffy pulled away. “Yeah. Think I’ll just go lay down, try to rest.” “I’ll come and look in on you in a bit, bring you some tea.” She smiled. “Thanks Giles. That’d be nice.” God old Giles bring Buffy a cup of tea and everything would be ok. Carefully she made her way back upstairs, closing the blinds and darkening her room, curling up on the bed with Mr. Gordo in her arms.
Willow let herself into the house, catching the worry in Giles tone as he called the school. Setting her bag down she leaned against the back of a chair. “Ok, what is it? Just don’t tell me it’s another Apocalypse because we’re not due for another one for a couple of years I think.” Giles managed a weak smiled, taking his glasses off and pinching the bridge of his nose between his eyes. “Thankfully, no. But I am rather worried about Buffy…… She seems to be under the impression that perhaps Spike somehow possibly survived and has been leaving her things. And was in her room last night.” Willow bit her lip. “Oh. Maybe I should go talk to her.” She stopped him with a raised hand. “Giles, I know you’ve lost people you’ve loved too, but it’s different ok. It just is. I’m Buffy’s best friend. Let me try and help. Like it or not Spike was her soul mate, like Tara was mine. I know what that pain feels like. I still deal with it every day. It’s why I couldn’t stay with Kennedy anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you to butt out, just be there for her. Don’t try to rationalize with her right now, just be there for her. I’m going to go talk to her. Make us some tea and give me a few, then come join us.” Giles nodded, a bit surprised at Willow taking charge of the situation so thoroughly. “Yes, all right Willow.” Smiling she patted his shoulder gently. “Giles, we don’t say it enough, but thanks for everything.”
She headed upstairs, knocking on Buffy’s door lightly. “Buffy, it’s me, can I come in?” Buffy sighed, sniffling. “Yeah Will, it’s open.” Willow slipped in, sitting next to her. “Giles told me. You ok?” Buffy shook her head, not trusting her voice. Willow blinked, hating to see her best friend in so much pain. “Oh, Buffy, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know how much it hurts!” Willow hugged her gently. Buffy simply leaned into her, crying. “I’m losing it Willow, I really am! It scares me. If I let myself, I could just let go and be with him in my head.”
Willow sighed, flopping down in a chair. Buffy had finally broken, crying herself into an exhausted sleep. "Willow, how is she?" She sighed, glancing at Giles. "At least she cried. That'll help, some. She'll have to get to this point again and again before she'll really be any better. I just wish we knew something, either way. Then at least she'd know and could move on and either find Spike or get over losing him. I've tried a location spell but I get such mixed results, it's not really an answer. I don't know what else to try. I was thinking maybe Angel might know something."
Xander shook his head, his arm across the back of the couch, hand resting lightly on Dawn's shoulder. "Will, like he'd tell us anything about Spike even if he knew. Those two were never exactly big buddies and then it turns out Spike was Buffy's Champion and not tall dark and broody himself. Personally I'd think he'd be more than happy to know Spike was gone. And IF he is back, he wouldn't want Buffy knowing. The guy still seems to think maybe he's got a chance with her." He snorted shaking his head.
Willow nodded. "Believe me Xander, I've thought of all of that. But it might do her some good to see him. I'm sure he'd come if I told him how bad she was."
Giles shook his head. "Angel is the last person Buffy needs right now. It would only serve to remind her of all she's lost." Dawn nodded. "I'm with Giles on this. He sets one toe inside this house and he's dust. He's not getting near her. He even tries I'll stake his brooding undead ass so fast he won't know what the hell happened. And you all know I could do it too. I trained harder than any of the SITs. I may not have Slayer skills, but I trained long and hard on my own to be as good as them. I'm in the mood to go and do it just so he's not around to cause problems for Buffy." Giles sighed. "Now, Dawn, I don't think there's any need to go that far. We simply must try other methods of finding out what is going on. There may come a time, if she can not accept that Spike is gone, that something will have to be done......."
Snapping, Willow glared at Giles eyes flashing red then black for a split second. "She's not crazy Giles, she's grieving! She can't just snap her fingers and be over it. We've done this to her before and I for one am not doing it again. Maybe the coven can help." She stormed out, slamming the door hard enough to rattle the glass. Dawn pulled away form Xander. "Willow's right. I'm going to go check on Buffy." Xander blinked, looking over at Giles. "Is it just me or are both of them reeeeeally scary right now?"" Giles nodded slightly. "For once Xander, I completely agree with you.
Upstairs Dawn quietly peeked in Buffy's room. Seeing her sister was awake she sat on the edge of the bed. "Hope the yelling didn't wake you up." Buffy shrugged slightly, eyes a bit vacant and clutching Mr. Gordo. "Want me to make you some cocoa?" Buffy smiled slightly, shaking her head. "No. Thanks though Dawnie. Just stay for a while?" Nodding Dawn crawled up on the bed, letting Buffy lean against her. "Sure. I'm pissed at Xander anyway. Giles told us about what's been going on. Seems to me like he's trying to let you know he's ok, but just isn't ready to be seen yet. You know, all with being Mr. Mysterious guy. That's SO his style." She rolled her eyes. Buffy smiled faintly, nodding. "You don't think I'm going crazy, do you Dawn?" Dawn shook her head firmly. "Nope. Definetely not. Not ever going to think that. I miss him too. A lot. I really hope he's back or ok or whatever. I really do. He deserves it." She hugged Buffy gently. "Wish I could do more to help." Buffy gently smoothed Dawn’s dark hair, hugging her close. “You do plenty, just by being here, by believing in me." Dawn manage a half smile. "Well, duhh, you're my big sister and a Slayer. Believing in you's a no brainer."
Outside in the gathering dark, the shadows moved away silently. There was comfort now, and understanding. Things would be easier now. But something would have to be done to prevent anyone form the outside being brought in. That wouldn't do at all. Fortunately the Witch and the Key had the final say in the matter. Those could be trusted.
Buffy sat in the kitchen, finishing her bowl of cereal and glancing at the paper. She generally avoided all of the news and just glanced at her horoscope for a laugh and read the comics. She smiled, reading ZITS. It had quickly become her favorite. The writer was dead on with the parent/teen relationship, which made it even funnier. Flipping the radio on, she filled the sink with water. She really didn’t mind doing the dishes everyone left. They all had places to be in the morning. Besides, there was something very calming about the routine task that let her just not think. The morning DJ’s were stupid, but funny. ”We usually don’t take requests and dedications here on your big morning show, but we’re making an exception this morning. We’ve got a request for The Calling’s hit, Wherever You Will Go going out to Anne from Randy with this message: The fire’s made us both who we are. Don’t give up. You have to go on living.” Buffy gasped softly. This couldn’t be happening. It had to be a coincidence. That’s what it had to be. Part of her mind nagged at her that it could be from Spike. They’d had so many times that were defined by fire. There was the whole incident with Sweet, and then the final battle. Maybe, just maybe it COULD be from Spike. Her hand shaking she turned up the radio, listening to every word of the song.
So lately, I've been wonderin
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone, you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave should fall
It would fall upon us all
And between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own
[Chorus:]
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
And maybe, I'll find out
The way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave should fall
It would fall upon us all
Well I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you
[Chorus]
Runaway with my heart
Runaway with my hope
Runaway with my love
I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart and your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time
[Chorus]
If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go
“Spike? Is that from you? God I wish I knew. I can’t keep doing this. Please let it be you, please. I can’t keep not kowing. Probably not though. You’d never listen to music like that. I’m sure you’d have plenty to say about it. I just need to know.” She sat down at the table, staring blankly at the radio. Dawn let herself in minutes later, out of breath. “I heard it! I had the radio on in the back room. I heard it! The song, the dedication. You heard it, didn’t you. You had to ‘ve. It’s been on like every station this morning, the same dedication and the same song EVERY time! Buffy, it’s GOT to be from Spike. I mean it’s too right not to be! Buffy, come on, say something!” Looking at Dawn she began to cry softly. Dawn blinked back tears, hugging her. “We’ll find out, I promise! I’ll do anything to find out for you.”
Ch. 4: Chance encounters
Buffy walked along the sidewalk slowly, doing a bit of window shopping after meeting Dawn for lunch. It had been almost a week since the song dedication on the radio, or anything else that made her thing Spike was still alive. Slowly she was going back to being hopeful, but not really letting herself think he could be alive. She smiled slightly, pausing to look in the window of her favorite little antique shop. The owner, Mary, had a lovely display of old fashioned music boxes in the window. The door opened with the cheerful tinkling of a bell and Buffy stepped into the softly lit shop.
"Well, if it isn't my favorite customer!" Mary smiled cheerfully, coming around the counter to hug Buffy. Smiling warmly, Buffy returned the hug. "Hello Mary. Just met Dawn for lunch and decided to stop in and look around and talk to you.” The elderly woman smiled. "It's always a pleasure to have you visit dear. Don't you look pretty today!" She stepped back, admiring Buffy's long sleeved black shirt, knee length purple and black plaid skirt, black shoes with a bit of a heel. "Purple is a lovely color on you dear. You look around a bit and I'll put on some water for tea and get you some scones, fresh baked this morning." Buffy nodded, smiling. Mary always reminded her of a smaller Mrs. Doubtfire. She wandered around the shop, fingers lightly trailing over a few things here and there. As always she was drawn to anything Victorian, the objects always made her feel closer to Spike.
"Well, this is new." Carefully she ran her hands over the smooth, inlaid wood of the large box, lifting the lid with a smile. "Oh, I get it, it's an oversized music box. Cool." Carefully she turned the handle, watching the copper colored disc move in a slow circle as the notes tinkled out. "I know this song.... what is it........" Suddenly her eyes widened with the realization that the music playing was My Heart Will Go On from Titanic. She blinked back tears, not wanting to be a complete mess when Mary came from in back. "It's a beautiful song, isn't it dear." Mary smiled, gently laying a hand on Buffy's arm. Nodding slowly Buffy closed her eyes. "You're thinking of your young man again, aren't you. Has there been anything else happen lately?" Shaking her head Buffy sighed raggedly. "No, nothing. Maybe it was all wishful thinking. He liked this song, of course he had to say he didn't so he wouldn't come off as a poof or something, but I know he liked it. How did you get this thing to play it? I know the music box itself is original, everything you sell is, but the song is new." Mary nodded. "That's simple to explain dear. It seems the new discs the company is making for the reproductions, fit the original as well." Gently, Mary patted Buffy's hand. "Leave that playing. The tea should almost be ready. Why don't you have a seat and we'll talk more once I bring the tea out.
Mary hummed softly as she placed two delicate china tea cups and a matching tea pot on a silver tray along with a plate of still warm scones. "How is she?" The soft voice startled her, almost making her drop one of the cups. "Now how many times do I have to tell you, it's not polite to sneak up on an old woman like that! She's not having a good time of it right now. The song upset her." She turned, her soft brown eyes fixing on the young man standing near her.
"And it's very bad form of you to not give her anything for over a week. I have half a mind to tell her you're back here." Sighing he shook his head. "Mary, don't. I'm sorry. It just hasn't worked. You know how much trouble I was in for what I've already done. I got to lay low for a bit ‘til things settle down." Sighing she nodded. "Well, I suppose you're right. I'm not a very good influence, am I. Here I'm supposed to be keeping an eye on you and should have sent you back and I haven't done it." Smiling she patted his cheek gently. "Age does have its privileges my dear boy. You just leave things to me." A smile lit his eyes as he hugged her. "You're a saint." Laughing she swatted his arm. "I'm far from it and you know that but a compliment is a compliment. I'm a meddling old woman, and they can just stuff their blasted timeline. I'm the one who's supposed to be looking after you so I say it's up to me. Now you just let me handle them and you think of something nice to do for her to make up for this past week." He nodded meekly, a mischievous and teasing sparkle to his eyes. "Yes Gram. Whatever you say, I'll do just that." Laughing she picked up the tray. "For, once, you really should."
Mary smiled, setting the ornate silver tray down on a small table. "Here we are dear, sorry I took so long, I forgot to turn the stove on to heat the water. Getting absent minded in my old age. Now, tell me more about your young man. You obviously still love him a great deal." Buffy nodded. "I do, more than ever. I just wish he was here to know that." Mary smiled, nodding. "I'm sure he knows dear, wherever he is. You've got to have patience and not give up hope. It seems to me that you two were meant to be together. Things have a way of working themselves out. You two were meant to be together and so you shall. Just have to give it some time. I thought I'd lost my dear Edward for sure in the war, but he came back to me and mark my words, so will your William."
Buffy sighed. "Thank you Mary. Somehow, I always feel better, more hopeful that Spike's still alive out there when I talk to you." "Well it's good to know I'm good for something!" Mary laughed warmly. "Now, I want no arguments from you young lady, you're to take that music box home with you, or I can have it sent over later. I had no intention of selling it really. It might as well be enjoyed and cared for than sit here collecting dust. I won't take no for an answer young lady." Buffy's shoulders slumped in defeat. "All right, someone can bring it over later, but only because you insist."
"Who'd have thought such a sweet lil ol' lady could be as sneaky an' underhanded as me........" He chuckled softly, watching the two talk and listening to the conversation. Mary was right, something needed to be done and today too. Maybe a walk would clear his head and give him some ideas. Reluctantly he turned, going out the back door silently.
Buffy smiled, writing down the address of the house for the deliveryman. "Thank you for everything Mary. Especially the music box. I really should get home before someone starts to worry and they form a search party to look for me." She laughed, shaking her head. "I'll come by again soon, I promise." Mary nodded. "You're always welcome here Buffy. Anytime you need a cup of tea and someone to talk to, I'm here. Now it looks like it’s going to rain. Best be on your way. I don't want you catching a cold." Buffy hugged her gently. "All right I'm going I'm going." Smiling she stepped outside, shivering slightly at the sudden chill in the air and the loud crack of thunder. "If you don't like the weather around here, wait a few minutes." She muttered to herself, hurrying toward home without noticing she was being followed at a distance.
Ch. 5: Prezzies for Buffy
Spike let himself into the house, smiling faintly. "Really should get better locks, too easy. Bet you even Nibblet could pick that lock. Of course she could, I taught 'er after all." He kicked the door shut behind him. "Now, let's just see what I can find." Sitting down at the island in the kitchen he opened Dawn's sticker covered laptop. "Smart girl, stored her password. Make my work easier. And lookie here, left out some CDs. Almost like she knew I was comin'." He waited while Dawn's computer connected to the Internet, scanning her favorites list. "Same ol' Nibblet. Bad girl, using Napster to download free music."
He quickly selected a few songs to let Buffy know he was there and she wasn't alone. Sighing he logged off, carrying the CD carefully up to Buffy's room and putting it in her CD player. He wanted nothing more than to wait for her to come home, wrap her in his arms and never let go. But, at the moment he was in trouble and doing that meant he risked being taken away from here and never seeing her again. For now, all he could do was find ways to keep her form giving up hope. Smiling faintly he left the bouquet of crimson roses, jasmine, and orchids in the middle of her bed. He'd made sure to get all her favorite flowers. Looking at the pink pig he smiled "You take care of her, you hear me mate. Not too much longer, least I hope not. Sighing he went back downstairs, making sure the door was locked before slipping out a window and closing it behind him.
Buffy let herself into the house, soaked to the skin from the torrential downpour. "Ugh, drowned rat syndrome strikes. I need a hot shower." She squished her way upstairs, teeth chattering. Walking past the flowers she headed into her bathroom, turning on the water and peeling out of her wet clothes before stepping into the near scalding spray. Lingering in the warmth she reluctantly stepped out and pulled on her robe. "Must turn heat on. Not going to sit here and freeze my ass off." Toweling her hair dry she sat down on the edge of the bed. "Flowers....... No one's been home all day. They don't even know I like Jasmine.......... Spike's the only one who knew......." Her hand shaking she pressed the play button on her stereo recognizing the first notes of Nickelback's Someday.
How the hell'd we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables?
I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
I don't think it's too late
Nothing’s wrong
Just as long as
You know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right, but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right, but not right now
I know you're wondering when...
Well I'd hoped that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up stringing
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror
Nothin's wrong
Just as long as
You know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
Gonna make it all right, but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right, but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
[Solo]
How the hell'd we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables?
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror
Nothin's wrong
Just as long as
You know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
Gonna make it all right, but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
Gonna make it all right, but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
She managed to laugh through her tears. "I've been wondering if, now it's when. I hope it's soon. I really need you.........." Trailing off she listened as the CD changed to another song, this time it was Three Doors Down's Here Without You.
A hundred days had made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me
The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me
Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done
it get hard but it won’t take away my love
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
But tonight girl it’s only you and me
"Oh God Spike I miss you too, so much. Don't make me wait, please. Now that I know, don't make me wait, please." Smiling a bit she picked up the bouquet, taking it downstairs to put into a vase. The back door opened and Willow dashed in, closing her umbrella. "Ok, I was not expecting this much rain. How was your day? Pretty flowers." Buffy smiled. "It sucked pretty much. But, I did have tea with Mary. She cheered me up. Then, I came home and these were on the bed. And a CD. Spike's alive. They're from him. They have to be. No one else knows I love jasmine." Willow looked at the flowers. "You sure Buffy?" She nodded. "Completely!"
Ch. 6: Wake Up Call
Buffy lay curled around Mr. Gordo, blisfully dead to the world asleep, something that didn't happen very often. Usually it only happened when she was completely exhausted and had the aid of pain pills for her headaches or her knee. Mumbling softly she pulled the pig closer, trying to wrap her mind around what that very annoying ringing noise was near her head. Groaning she blindly reached for the phone. It wasn't the first time her phone, which was a private line to keep from waking up the rest of the house, had rang at this unholy hour of the morning. Usually it was one of the girls, needing some advice or support. Fumbling with the handset she finally hit a button, turning the phone on. "Mmmm what is it? And gimme a minute to remember who you are ok. It's like 2 am."
A voice on the other end chuckled softly. "I'll give you all th' time you need luv, but I have to admit I'm hurt you've forgotten me so quickly." She blinked slowly, still mostly asleep. "Wuh huh? Spike?" Another chuckle. "The one and only. You're cute all sleepy, y'know that?" She nodded. "Uhhh huh......." "Not much up for talking, are you? Well, that's all right. You just listen. And try not to fall asleep on me. Can you do that?" Buffy nodded, too sleepy to try and make sense of this. "Uhhh huh. I'm listening." He smiled. "That's my girl. Still my girl, aren't you." She snorted. "Duh. Stupid vampire." Laughing he nodded. "You have me there pet, just wanted to make sure. I don't have much time, but I wanted to hear you. I miss you luv. It's drivin' me bloody insane being so close t' you but not bein' able to see you hardly at all. Blasted Powers That Be, always interferein' in other people's own business." Buffy giggled. "You're funny. Cranky." Smiling Spike nodded. "I know luv. Sorry. You got my presents today, didn't you? I told Mr. Gordo to make sure you did. I promise I'll leave you more things as often as I can. They got me on a short leash right now, but I'm workin' on getting out of that. I'm just worried about you. You're too thin, an' you're limping. You've got to take care of yourself luv. For me. Til I can be right there with you. It won't be too much longer, I promise."
He sighed. "Bloody hell, I have to go luv. About to get caught. I'll try an' be there tomorrow night an' hold you again. Would you like that?" She nodded, sniffling. "Uhhhh huh......" Spike sighed softly. 'Awww now don't go and start that luv, y' know I can’t stand it when you cry. Try an' be my brave girl, I promise t' be there tomorrow night. Tonight if I can avoid gettin' caught." Buffy smiled, nodding. "Ok. Try." Smiling he glanced at the clock. "Be there soon, promise. Go back to sleep Goldilocks. I love you." Only slightly more awake now she held the phone tighter. "Love you too......." He laughed softly. "I know. I just had to say what I did to get you to go. Now, be a good little girl and get some sleep. Be with you before you know it." Nodding numbly she held the phone even after he'd hung up, falling back to sleep against her will.
Ch.7: Reunions, sort of
Good as his word Spike carefully slipped through Buffy's window, pausing to study her. She was curled in a ball under the blankets as usual, clutching Mr. Gordo. He smiled faintly, cocking his head, the moonlight and absence of make up highlighting the circles under her eyes and the shadows under her cheekbones. His gaze fell on a brown prescription bottle and a glass of water on the nightstand beside the bed. Poor thing, no wonder she'd been so out of it. He was very aware of her headaches and how bad they'd gotten. He sat beside her, tenderly brushing her hair back from her face and stroking her cheek. "Not doing so good tonight, are you luv? Guess not. I worry you know. Those headaches of yours can't be good." Buffy sighed in her sleep, nuzzling into his hand. "That's my sweet kitten. Love it when you do that. Don't you worry, you may not really remember I was here, but I'll make sure you know it was real." Tossing his duster into a nearby chair he carefully kicked off his boots, sliding under the blankets and gently pulling her against him, wincing. "Bloody hell Slayer, aren't you eating?! I find out this is all 'cause of me, we're having a serious talk!"
He shifted so her head was pillowed on his chest and one arm was draped around his waist. Gently he kissed her forehead, hugging her. "My poor girl, not fair what they've done t' you. Gonna have t' speak t' someone about this." Purring softly he nuzzled her hair, gently wrapping a bit around one finger and letting it slide off. "Don't worry luv, I'm going t' be around a hell of a lot more. I can't let you be like this. Sod what the bloody PTB's say. You're mine and they're not keepin' me from you the way they have. Promise you that, an’ you know I never break a promise to a lady. Especially this one." He stroked her cheek lovingly. Softly he brushed a kiss on her lips, swearing at the faint ringing that came from the direction of his coat. Carefully he eased out of Buffy's grasp and stormed over. "This bloody well better be good Mary! You know where I am!" She sighed softly. "I know Spike and I'm very sorry. I've stalled as long as I can, but they want you in L.A., immediately. They won't take any more excuses. I'm afraid this means you have to go. Don't worry, I'll make sure she's all right." He sighed, looking over at Buffy as she hugged the pillow he'd been using. "Right then. Give me just a few more minutes. Got to let her know I was actually here. She's not doin' well." On her end, Mary nodded. "I know Spike dear, I know. Just be as quick as you can." Smiling faintly he nodded. "Right, I will be. Thanks for lookin' out after her." He shut the phone off, softly kissing Buffy's cheek again before scribbling a note on a piece of paper.
Buffy,
Told you I'd come, didn't I. When have I ever broken a promise I made to you? Never. I'm sorry I had to leave before you woke up kitten, but something came up. Something I had to take care of so I can be back with you that much sooner. Be a good girl and hold on until I get back. You got me worried Slayer, you're not eating, I can tell. You start taking care of yourself. I promise I'll be back in a few days. Don't forget I love you.
Spike
Tucking the note into her hand he kissed her gently, running his thumb along her cheek softly. "I'll be back soon kitten. Got to go answer a few questions and deal with tall, dark and broody." Reluctantly he closed the window behind him, glancing up at the window one last time before leaving.
Hours later he stormed through the doors of Wolfram and Hart, literally growling at anyone who crossed his path. He knew exactly where the pouf was and he was going to get this over with. A high pitched shriek that bordered on a sound only dogs can hear actually stalled him for a few seconds. "BLONDIE BEAR!!!!!!!!" He sighed. "Oh bloody hell, I don't need this. Harmony, don't tell me you're working here." Harmony bounced over to him, batting her eyelashes and running a hand along his arm. "Uhh huh. I'm Angel's secretary." He rolled his eyes. "Well good for you. I don't have time for this. I need t' see Angel, now." Pulling away from her he barged straight into Angel's office, taking a chair in front of the massive desk.
Angel nodded slightly, in the middle of a phone call. Spike glared, propping his boots up on the desk and purposefully scratching the high gloss shine. Digging into one pocket he pulled out a cigarette and his lighter, blatantly scattering the smoldering ashes over the top of the desk. Angel sighed, hanging up the phone. "Spike, don't do that. This desk is very expensive. You made good time getting here."
He shrugged, dropping another pile of ashes on the desk. "I've got better thing's t' do than play twenty questions with you and your lot." Angel nodded. "You've been breaking the rules. You know they put those rules in place for a reason." Spike shrugged. "Don't give a damn about the PTB's. Only done one decent thing for me and that was 'cause I bullied 'em into it." Angel sighed deeply, leaning back in his large leather chair. "You're not allowed to see her. If you can't follow the rules you will be removed form there and put someplace you can't see her."
Spike growled deeply, grabbing Angel and pinning him to the wall in the blink of an eye. "Don't threaten me Peaches. She's MINE. I'll see her any damn time I want to. You're just all pissed off 'cause this was all supposed t' happen t' you. Well, guess what? Slayer had other ideas and chose me. SHE chose ME. You gave up any right to say anything involving her the SECOND you lost your soul then broke her heart by leaving her the way you did. I got my own connections now gel for brains. I don't need you or anything you got here." Spike tossed him back in the chair storming out, nearly knocking over a tall green skinned demon in a 70's inspired outfit and a petite girl with brown hair.
Lorne smiled faintly. "Freddles, think you better steer clear of the boss for a while. He's going to be very cranky. Just let me deal with him." Fred nodded slightly, ducking as something expensive and breakable came flying out of Angel's office. "That might be a good idea. You sure you'll be ok Lorne?" The demon nodded. "Of course. You run along now."
Snarling, Spike paced back and forth in the small apartment above the antique store Mary ran, explaining everything to her. The tiny woman sat quietly, sipping a cup of tea and slowly stroking the fur of the Siamese cat that lay curled in her lap. "You really do need to control your temper better William dear." She laughed softly, the scolding gentle. "You're going to have to wait this out a few days until I can smooth things over. It won't take long, I promise. Now, I have to be up in a few hours and open the store. I'll let you know if Buffy comes by. It won't be my fault if you two accidentally knew the other was here and had a few moments alone." Spike smiled, kissing Mary’s cheek gently. "Thanks Mary. You're an angel." She laughed, patting his cheek. "And don't you forget it either William."
Buffy awoke slowly, stretching. "What the?" She blinked at the crumpled piece of paper in her hand, smoothing it out carefully. Smiling and wiping away her tears she read the note over and over before hopping out of bed and practically running down the hall to Dawn's room. She bounced on the bed. "Wakey wakey sleepy head. Time to rise and shine!!!!!!" Dawn grumbled, her head under a pillow. "Go away! It's Sunday, I'm trying to sleep in!" Buffy laughed, snatching the pillow away. "Too bad. Read this." She stuck the note in Dawn's face.
Dawn sighed, glaring at her older sister as she read the note. Smiling she squealed, hugging Buffy tightly. "I KNEW it!! I just knew it!! I KNEW he was back!!!!!! Oh I'm so pissed at him! He didn't even come say hi or anything!!!!!" She leaned against the headboard pouting. Buffy smiled, gently smoothing out Dawn's messed up hair. "If I'm awake the next time he's here, I promise I'll make him come say hi. I'm gonna go tell Will. Oh, and Dawn, let's just keep this between us girls for now, ok." Dawn nodded. "Sure thing. Whatever you think's best." Buffy slipped out, holding the note tightly. Dawn flopped back into bed, laughing. "He's baaaaack!!!!!!!!!!!"
tbcR
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