Black and White and the Grey in Between by Passionfish

Black and White, and The Grey In Between!

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By PassionFish

Summary: A different take on how Buffy and Spike might have taken Angelus down. It's an odd POV, which may take a little to get into, but once you're there it's worth it, I'm told!

TimeLine: Set in Season Two, not hugely canon.

Rating: R

URL: http://www.morbiddesires.com/MD

Feedback: Yes – always: morbiddesiresbypassionfish@yahoo.com

A/N: Each part begins with the part number, a reference to whose thoughts the part revolves around and then its title.

~~~

Chpt1 -- Buffy

Beginnings...

I'm not sure how this started.

I just know when.

A month.

A month yesterday.

I was crying...and he came to me.... Weird, huh?

Actually comforted me.

And I let him.

And maybe that was weirder.

At the time I'm not sure which of us was more shocked.

…

I look up.

I'm almost there.

This used to be my place.

At least that’s how I used to think of it.

The one place I used to come to get away from it all – Slayer, my mom, Angelus…and yeah; Angel.

Now it's 'ours'.

I don't mind. Not really.

…

I sit down, push off and allow my feet to skim the ground as the swing slowly rocks back and forth.

This is how he found me that night.

Except then I wasn't looking forward to (or expecting for that matter) him to be there.

I'm kinda glad that he was though.

Since then we've met here, pretty much every night.

We've got a plan now.

But we have to wait.

Only another week now.

And then it'll all be over.

He accompanies me on patrol.

Not quite sure why.

I didn't ask him to.

But I didn't complain.

I'd never tell him.... but I.... well, I kinda like his company!

It's just nice to know someone's there, ya know?

Comforting.

I hear a twig snap and smile to myself.

This Vampire can walk on eggshells and not crack a single one.

So he did it for my benefit.

"Hey Spike."

Chpt2 -- Spike

Beautiful and pure...

She sits exactly how she did that night.

The moonlight slides over her hair, creating a shimmering effect of different highlighted tones.

Satan only knows why I did it.

But I gotta admit; I'm fucking glad I did.

Tonight she's Miss. Calm herself.

Beautiful and Pure.

That night was a different story.

I can feel the anger boil up in me as a recall what had happened to her…

…the state I had found her in…

Her hair muddy, clothes torn.

The scent of blood in the air.

And fear.

Fear so pungent, that even I was disgusted by it.

So I held her, rocking her back and forth on the very swings she sits on now till she stopped crying.

Took her home and put her to bed.

I stayed with her until first light.

Before seeking shelter in the sewers.

I would have killed him that night if she hadn't made me promise.

So now I have to wait while we follow out our plan.

Still, I can't NOT meet her.

She looks like she’s lost in her thoughts.

Not wanting to frighten her (which is a bloody strange reaction for a Vampire to have)

I purposely step on a twig to let her know that I'm here.

She looks up and I see a wisp of a smile on her pretty features.

"Hey, Spike."

She beckons me gracefully, purity and beauty at its height.

I smile back.

"Hello pet."

I move behind her and begin our ritual.

I reach out my hands and pull back the swing, before letting it go.

Her hair flies out behind her as she glides through the air.

Beautiful and Pure.

Chpt3 -- Spike

Dru...

As I hear her approach I sink down into the wheelchair.

Probably wouldn't do our plan much good if the opposition realised that ol' Spike could now walk.

My beautiful black goddess enters bringing with her a.... dog?

Yep, a dog.

"Here you go, love, you look a bit pasty." She coos at me.

Oh, fuck me backwards; she wants me to eat it.

Bitch!

"Do I look like a vamp who eats puppies?" I glare at her.

Dru doesn't seem perturbed by my outburst.

Pleased with it would be a better description.

"You need to keep your strength up, pet."

She sits on my lap, stroking my head like I'm a fucking dog.

"You're weak."

I growl loudly and fling her off my lap.

She crashes into the wall, crumbling down to the marble stone floor.

The dog, by some miracle, is unharmed and quickly scampers off.

Dru looks up at me, blood trickling from the corner of her mouth, making it look like she's just fed, but messily.

Her eyes flash and she growls playfully at me.

"There’s my William. Come to play with mummy, grrruff, gruff! There’s a good dog."

She’s about to crawl over to me, when the wanker starts to call her.

Actually, bellows for her to come.

She scampers to her feet and is about to run off to obey when she stops, reaches into her dress and pulls out a pair of handcuffs.

Before I can work out what she’s about, my hands are trapped together.

"There you go." She pats me on my head and I growl again.

"Dru, take these off. NOW!"

"Don't be a bad boy; we'll have lots of fun later.” She grins wolfishly – it’s the only way to describe it.

“My Angel's going out to play with the nasty Slayer tonight so I want to make sure you can't run away from mummy."

"DRUSILLA!"

My anger's lost on her and she leaves, humming a long forgotten tune to herself as she sways in her own arms.

I rattle the restraints.

They don't budge.

Fuck!

Wait a minute; what was that about the Slayer?

My brains' slow on the uptake, still too pissed off to work out why it bothers me but the answer is simple.

Plan or no plan, he's not coming near her tonight.

I don't care what it takes.

Chpt4 -- Buffy

Blind Trust...

My mouth smiles out at Xander and Willow as they dance away to the fast music.

It doesn't reach my eyes.

I know that.

But they're too far away to tell.

They wave at me to join them but I mutely shake my head and hold up my drink in supplication.

They leave it and continue to dance.

I don't really want to be here.

Normally, by now, I would have met Spike.

I hope he's not worried.

Huh, don't be stupid Summers, of course he's not gonna be bothered.

It’s not as if he cares.

He's just waiting out the plan till he can get Dru back.

Pause...

Bitch.

Deep breath.

In.

Out.

Okay, drink empty now.

Xander and Willow return and I tell them I'll be back in a minute.

Xander tells me to get him a coke.

I give him the mental finger but smile and nod and turn and walk.

I get knocked into someone at the bar.

"Sorry." I mutter, blindly turning away, trying to meet my destination so the night can finally be over with.

"Don't mention it, pet." Someone growls into my ear.

I know that someone!

"Spike!"

I can't stop the happiness in my head escaping out into my voice.

"I'm glad you're happy to see me, now be a dear and come out here."

His voice is tight but his eyes are alight and mischievous.

He turns

And I follow.

Blind trust I'd think they call it.

Blind trust in my mortal enemy.

Chpt5 -- Spike

Handcuffs...

She's laughing.

Actually laughing.

I haven't really heard her laugh before.

I mean I've heard her laugh, but not like this.

This, this uncontrolled, joyous sound.

I grin at her goofily before quickly catching myself.

Big Bad’s don’t grin like a goof.

"Very funny, pet."

"Yeah...it...it really is!"

I growl low in my throat, playfully, and watch her giggles sober slowly.

She tries to look serious but that cheeky smile remains on her face.

"If I must!"

She takes my hands in hers and if I could actually breathe I'm sure it would catch in my throat.

"I kinda like you all at my mercy!"

Oh my God.

Her touch is so soft, so gentle, so warm.

"Okay, this might hurt..." She murmurs.

Good!

Okay, mate, think NOT so happy thoughts!

"Stop wriggling!"

"I hurts!" I hear myself whine.

God – what a pathetic excuse for a vamp; making nice with the Slayer.

She slides her fingers under one of the cuffs and I can hear her count under her breath.

"One...two...There you go."

I hear a click and the cuff drops from around my right wrist, hanging from my left.

"One down..." I mutter hoarsely.

Fuck...she hasn't moved her hand from my wrist; I don't even think she knows she's doing it.

"Oh! You're hurt!"

Her fingers are rubbing in small circles over the red, raw skin.

*Kiss it better?*

"What?!"

Fuck me, I said it out loud.

"Just...uh...noth-oh..."

I watch, my jaw drops, she's actually doing it.

Her lips just brush my wrist, barely even a kiss.

I can hear her heart beat, pounding away, like a bird fluttering its wings as it tries to get away from the jaws of the beast that’s caught it.

I'm still staring at her lips as she pulls away.

"Okay...numero duo!" She mutters, and even in the dim light at the back of the bronze to where I've led her, I can see her face is a flame.

Her fingers are shaking and it takes a little longer but the second cuff soon falls to the ground.

"Play good now." Buffy murmurs to me, and turns to walk away; ready to merge back into the dark, faceless club.

"Wait..."

She turns to me, a slightly apprehensive smile on her lips, "What now, Spike?"

Her voice is teasing and soft, sending shivers through my body.

I look over the top of her head as I hear a soft, slow love ballad come on.

"Want to dance, pet?"

She looks up at me and for a second I'm sure she'll refuse.

Then she smiles.

That slow, sweet smile that always turns me inside out.

"Okay."

Chpt6 -- Buffy

Dancing....

Ohmygod!

We're dancing.

He's touching me.

Holding me.

Well, his arms are loosely draped around me.

We're not really touching.

Not really...but....

His hands feel cold but they're warming me.

Inside.

The song changes…

The base is deeper…the beat throbbing…the world… sexier.

I don't want to pull away, but I should, sooo...

"Come 'ere, love."

Oh god, no one should have that sexy a voice.

His hands slide securely around my waist, sending shivers through me.

I hear him growl as he pulls me close.

I feel like I'm touching every part of him.

I can feel the play of the muscles down his body through his clothes as he moves us to the music.

One hand is just resting atop the swell of my bum, the other in between my shoulder blades; he's anchoring me to him.

Like he's afraid to let go.

There’s a heavy pulsating beat rolling around the room and I can feel my body echo it as we rock back and forth to the music.

It's nice.

Tender.

Erotic.

…

I wonder why he came here tonight.

I know we were meant to meet but it’s not like we finalised it … like a date or anything.

More like an unspoken agreement.

So why is he here?

I ask him.

"Angelus."

I stiffen.

I can't help it.

It’s reaction.

It’s automatic.

It’s fear.

"Dru said he was coming to play with me?"

"Yeah."

He growled the word, fury in every letter.

"We have to get of here then, too many people around."

Slayer brain on.

No time for anything else.

No time to worry.

No time to feel.

No time to fear.

"Okay, pet, get your stuff."

I nod and turn away, read to move off when he pulls me back…

…and kisses me.

It's soft really, gentle.

His mouth moves slowly over mine.

Teasing my lips open.

I read that in a book once.

He lifts his head and presses another kiss to my forehead, pushing me in the right direction.

Right.

Business Buffy.

Oz has arrived but the others are nowhere to be seen.

Good.

It's easier to tell him I'm going.

He just accepts it.

He looks calm.

Stoic.

That’s what I need.

Calm and Focus.

I grab my coat and head over to where Spike is standing.

"Showtime."

Chpt7 -- Spike

Forget...

She's not crying.

Not anymore.

She seems almost peaceful now.

She fell asleep about twenty minutes after the plane had taken off.

She was very tired.

But the sedative I put in her drink helped.

Well, we didn't have to wait for Acathla.

Angelus changed the game plan.

Had a body dumped on her door-step for when we got back…don’t rightly remember the chit’s name…

But Buffy knew her.

Apparently the wanker never gave up the whole watch-Buffy-dance-in-the-Bronze-through-the-shadows thing.

He wasn't expecting me to be her dance partner.

Neither was Dru.

We're on our way to Canada.

I had, have, a house up there, somewhere...

I'll deal with it once we're there.

Angelus is dust.

Since we're not floating around in molten lava, I think its safe to say Acathla's still just a big rock.

I don't know where Dru is.

She was there, and then she wasn't.

Fucking weird, I tell you.

Had no time to dwell on it though since I had a devastated Slayer on my hands.

I think it’s less the fact that she'd killed him....

The prick had certainly made it easy for her.

The shit spewing from his mouth....

I can feel myself begin to change, but stop when Buffy nuzzles me in her sleep, reminding me of where we are.

She didn't tell anyone.

Didn't want to.

Just wanted to leave.

So we did.

I'm sure Canada's nice this time of year.

We just need time.... to forget.

Just forget.

Chpt8 -- Buffy

Moving...

I heard this song on the radio today.

Not even sure what it’s called.

It was all about a mobile home.

No, wait - not an ACTUAL mobile home but a girl who was always moving from place to place.

Never really making any ties – just moving – always moving…

That's me now.

I don't mind so much.

Huh! I think Spike's taken it upon himself to show me the world…

Four months now.

That’s how long we've been away from Sunnydale.

I can't even say home.

I don't think I ever thought of it like that, anyway, even when it was good…

Not that it was ever good for very long.

We stayed five weeks in Canada.

I only remember the second.

He kept me safe though.

Fed and watered, as Mom would say.

The forth week was nice.

Better.

He was sweet.

That’s all he is to me these days.

I hate to think about it but I know why.

I think he has left over looking-after vibes from Dru.

God! I hate her.

I hate that I know he thinks about her…

I hate that I know she’s the reason he looks after me…

But, fuck it; I need someone to look after me for a bit.

The night before we left for Australia (by boat) he took me out.

I'd been cooped up for ages, just moping around the TV and fridge.

We went to the local cinema.

I say local, but it was about a fifty-mile drive!

When we got back it had snowed.

I don't know what made me throw the first ball, but after that it was full out war!

No quarter given or asked.

I smile at the memory.

After three weeks in Australia…

(Which I think, given the copious quantities of sun, was more due to my 'too cold' comments then Spike's endeerance to the country –

-- having said that he had another house there…so I don’t know)

…It was Italy for four more.

We're now in the South of France.

It's our last night…

It's bloody ridiculous.

I'm even thinking in the plural.

And I'm saying bloody!

I feel silly sometimes, like it’s all too surreal.

He's my best friend.

And I always wanted to see the world.

So I'm not ready to return.

Not yet.

Just a few more weeks.

Of paradise.

Our paradise.

Chpt8a -- Spike

Buffy Things...

She bites her nails.

She hides it too.

It’s...cute.

Also for a girl who has been around murder and violence for the past two or three years it’s fucking hilarious that she gets scared shitless

when she sees a spider about the size of a pea…

And won't sit back down until it’s gone.

Or let me sit back down.

…

She cries at old movies.

Since television started the only female I've been around is Dru and her version of emotion is slightly different from Buffy's.

Chpt8b -- Buffy

Spike things...

He reads poetry.

And he hides it.

It’s.... sweet.

Also, he keeps pig’s blood in our fridge, which is a little weird for a badass vamp to do.

Although, I think what’s worse is the fact that he crumbles weetabix up in it.

That’s not so sweet!

When he concentrates, his brow furrows just slightly, but the skin doesn't roll up.

It's like he has stretchy skin that has no effect on itself or its surroundings.

Oh, yeah...

He sings in the shower!

Chpt9 -- Spike

Bad Ass...

Hello Texas!

Cowboy boots and hats everywhere.

Fucking ridiculous.

Buffy loves it though.

She's already gone shopping.

Almost dark though, so she should be back soon.

Speak of the goddess...

"Look what I found!"

She shoves a flyer under my nose.

And drops her bags on my foot.

"OW!"

"Sorry, love."

She doesn't sound sorry, but she looks happy so I let it go.

"Yeah, right." I mutter.

Not quite – still evil you know...

I roll my eyes at my own thoughts…

I concentrate on the paper in my hand.

GOTH NIGHT!

"Goth Night? IN Texas?"

She comes back in, changed out of her 'shopping clothes' in to her 'comfy clothes'.

"Yep, wanna go?"

Her eyes are sparkling.

"Do I get a choice?"

"Do you want me to go alone?"

Fuck, she always knows what to say.

"No." I mutter reluctantly.

"There’s your answer, then!" She smiles and moves across the flat to the kitchen, preparing us lunch.

"I bought a special dress." She says in a teasing tone as she shoves her pizza in the oven and my blood in the microwave.

"You mean I bought you a dress." I grouse, but we both know I've given in...as though there was ever any contest!

"The point is, I have the dress, you have...well, you and we haven't gone to a club since...since..."

Her voice is cracking.

Shit!

I quickly move round the counter to go to her but the microwave bleeps and she turns away.

I sigh.

Fuck.

"'Course we'll go pet." I say with forced cheer.

"Great."

Fuck.

---

Fuck.

"Pet, maybe we should stay in."

Buffy shoots me her 'demure' look but doesn't quite manage to pull it off since she's standing in what a very generous, or mentally insane, person described as a dress.

"Come on, Spike."

She grabs my wallet off the side counter and drops it in my pocket grabbing the car keys and heading to the door.

"Better come quick, or I'm driving." She teased.

"No bloody chance, love."

Chpt10 -- Spike

Arguing...

Where the fuck was she?

A pretty looking girl with dark make up saunters up to me.

Hips swaying, eyes inviting…

Her blackened pouting lips open but before she can speak I start, "Sorry love, can’t say I'm interested."

"Fuck you, then, cowboy!" She struts off, grabbing the nearest farm boy before dragging him off to the centre of the dance flo-

THERE she is!

God, I love watching her dance.

Even though this isn't her usually crowd her body moves instinctively to the beat.

That 'dress' should be illegal.

What the fuck is this anyway?

Oh, yeah, Korn.

Fucking good kids.

Some of the better ones, I mean some of the shit that comes out these day-WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?!

I don't even notice that I'm moving.

Others seem to though, because the crowd parts.

Clever kiddies.

The Big Bad's pissed now.

This bloke’s got his hands all over her.

I move up behind her, my arm moving around her, slamming her into my body and away from the grabby lothario.

My other hand shoots out before she can stop it, smashing into the punk's face.

God, I love the sound of breaking bones!

"SPIKE!"

I growl, ignoring her as the kid gets up.

"What the hell d'ya think ya doin' mister."

Oh my God.

I think I'm gonna heave.

Who the fuck still talks like that?

"If you want to stay attached to your hands keep them OFF my girl!"

"Spike! What the hell are you doing?"

She's wriggling in my grasp but I'll be damned if I'll let her go!

"We're leaving."

My voice is flat.

Low.

Dangerous.

Even to my own ears.

Good.

Not that she seemed to notice, mind you…

"No...SPIKE, get off-"

I loose it.

"NOW!"

I growl.

My face changes.

I can't even stop it.

My eyes flash dangerously.

The whelp backs off.

As do about thirty other people.

Good.

---

She's beautiful.

I never thought anyone could be so...

I sigh softly…

She teases me like no one ever has.

Yet, she's so naive.

Shit, I think I'm in love with her.

Could my life get any more fucked than this?

I don't even know how it happened.

One minute we're arguing about that wanker from the club and the next I'm kissing her.

And she’s kissing me back.

She's asleep now.

Worn out.

I lean down and press a gentle kiss to my mark on her neck.

I've never marked a mortal before.

I want to talk to her about what it means.

I don't want to wake her though.

She's sleeping so...peacefully.

For the first couple of months she had nightmares.

They're less frequent now but usually one every week.

Not this week though.

I'm gonna make sure never again.

It’s as simple as this…

I love her.

Chpt11 -- Buffy

Making up...

The sun has just risen over the rocky mountain outside the window of our flat.

I can't see it exactly but I can see its reflection.

It’s amazing.

It looks like someone’s just dipped the sky in a fiery pink.

I think all Spikes’ poetry is starting to rub off on me.

He's sleeping now.

He looks kinda boyish in his sleep.

The only thing that gives away his badass image is the scar on his eyebrow.

I want to touch it, touch him.

But I don't want to wake him.

His vamp side needs to sleep around sunrise.

I woke up about ten minutes ago.

I don't think I've ever felt this relaxed.

This content.

I feel...amazing.

Maybe I need a thesaurus but that’s the only word that I can think of that describes last night.

Maybe not the beginning fighting bit, but definitely the making love bit that followed.

And it really was…

Definitely making love.

Not just sex.

And he marked me.

I mean he bit me and growled at me, "Mine. You're mine."

I never knew such proprietorial words could turn me on so much, but they did…

God, they did; I’ve never come so hard in my life…

Not that that’s really saying something.

But still – wow!

Okay, now I know I was never research-girl but I'm pretty sure that this means something big for vampires.

I really wish I had Willow to talk to about it all.

And, eugh, yes, I wish I had Giles' books to look it all up.

Maybe I'll talk to Spike....maybe...

Well, no, maybe I won't.

I bet he'll bring it up though so...

It's weird - I feel like the final part of me has slotted into place.

…

I wasn't...happy.

I haven't really been happy for a while.

It went from bad to worse after Angel turned in to Angelus.

Still, it didn’t take away from the fact that before it was bad…

But then, after that night by the swings.

It started to move from worse to bad again.

After the 'big finale' I was just numb.

But the last two months the feelings have been starting to come back.

It’s been like my whole world has been tingling slowly to awareness.

Last night though....

OMG, last NIGHT!

My whole world feels like it’s been thrown head first into awareness….never mind the tingling!

Well, actually – the tingling was kinda nice too!

And it feels....amazing.

Okay, yeah, I need another word.

But that really is how I feel.

I think I'm falling in love with him.

How whacked is that?

But...

It's true.

And for the first time in three years, I can honestly say that bad…is becoming better.

Chpt12 -- Buffy

Bundle of Joy...

I love this place.

We've been here a week.

We stayed in Texas for five weeks after that night.

Hmm, that AMAZING night.

I can feel myself blush, feel my own breath quicken as I recall that wonderful, glorious, perfect night.

In front of me Spike turns and shoots me that sexy smirk which doesn't help me control my current condition.

No fair.

NO ONE should have that sexy an expression in his repertoire.

I pout at him.

He growls.

God, I love that sound.

No, bad Buffy.

Get back on track.

Okay!

After Texas was Germany for about a month.

Then France again, for another month.

I liked France a lot.

But here is pretty too.

Not as warm, but after living on a Hellmouth for two years I can live without too much heat!

We're in England.

In Europe!

I've never been to Europe before…it happened.

Well...actually, until a few months ago I hadn't been out of North America before!

In this town called York.

Actually I think it’s a city.

Doesn't matter, it’s really pretty!

We’re thinking about heading over to Wales to see some sheep, then maybe across the Ireland…

There's something new.

Something....unimaginable.

I mean he's a Vampire, he's not even alive!

Even if I do lov- oh!

Damn, I fallen in love with him!

It's all his fault!

He doesn't even act like a Vampire anymore.

Not like the one I was so scared of when he first came to Sunnydale last year.

What do they call it?

Oh, yeah!

'Bundle of Joy'

Well, that’s what we have.

I'm glad he's turned away again so he can't see the smug smile I'm positive is on my face.

It's wonderful.

Amazing.

Except....

I haven't told him.

Chpt13 -- Spike

Impossible...

I don't think I'm ever gonna move again.

Whoever heard of a lethargic Vampire?

And what the hell is that sound?

We've been lying here for half an hour now … and I still haven't regained the feelin' in my legs!

I don't think unlife or life's ever been this good.

Get back on track mate!

That sound.

She's worried, I know.

She’s been figity…only word to describe it.

Not a word? Fuck it – it is now.

My arms are wrapped around her and she moves them, so that my hands are covering her abdomen.

I frown – what she up to now? She can still be horny – this is the first rest in four hours….straight!

Fuck, I love this girl!

"What's wrong, pet?" My voice is gentle, caring, loving – everything I feel when I’m around her…oh, yeah – kinda horny too, but that’s a given…

"I...uh, I have to tell you something. I'm not sure you're going to...like it, though. I mean I like it. I love it; it’s wonderful in fact..."

"Buffy, pet, slow down." I slot my words in quickly, she's definitely worrying me now - she's stuttering, for god’s sake!

"I'm...I'm..."

She grabs my hands again and presses them against my stomach.

That’s when I feel it…a physical fluttering to go along with the auditory fluttering I can here.

Then something clicks…

But…

It…

Not…

"You...you're...you're..."

Oh, fuck-a-duck!

Now I'm stuttering!

"Can you hear it?" She asks timidly.

Oh, Fuck Me.

That sound.

Impossible!

…impossible…

Chpt14 -- Spike

Payback...

I didn't even fucking notice them until it was too bloody late.

They said it was payback.

I'll never forgive myself.

She's sleeping now.

The nurse gave her some morphine for the pain, and some tablet to make her sleep.

They said it was bloody fortunate that nothing else was damaged.

But she'll always have the scar.

And I'll always have the reminder.

I'll never forgive myself.

She...she lost the baby.

They said it would have been quick.

Instantaneous.

He wouldn't have felt a thing.

Sixteen bloody weeks old.

Four months.

Fucking miracle of fucking nature and he never even got to...

I growl, my face changes.

My cut, bruised face.

And harsh tears pour down from my eyes, stinging my cuts as they pass them.

There were fifty of them.

Fifty!

Angelus' childer.

Stupid prick always was...

"Spike?"

Her voice is gravely, weak…

"Yeah, baby, I'm here."

So is mine…

I clasp her hand a little tighter, bringing it up to my lips.

Her eyes fill with tears.

"I'm so sor-"

"Sshhh...it wasn't your fault."

Her fingers move carefully across my cut, swollen lips.

Then over my features.

Her touch is so soft and gentle...

And weak.

I growl again.

"I love you."

"I know you do." She whispers the words, tears falling freely down her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry."

"Once I'm out of here, I'm blowing up Ireland."

"Okay, pet."

"Bastards."

I move up next to her on the bed, carefully avoiding the tubes and wires flowing too and from her body.

I lie down and she curls up to me as best she can without jolting her stomach.

Her face tucks in to my neck.

Licking at the mark she put there two months ago.

"Oh god..."

She's crying again.

Fuck, I don't know what to do.

I want to go out and rip off all their cocks and shove them down their throats.

But I don't want to leave her.

I can't leave her.

"I love you...I love you....shhh, baby, everything will be fine....I love you...." I keep up the litany until her cries taper off an her breathing slows.

"I love you, Spike."

I'll never forgive myself.

Chpt15 -- Buffy

Blood...

I was in the hospital for two days.

I was out on the third.

I heal quick.

I don't like hospitals.

Neither does Spike.

My...my son has been dead for three days.

Seventy-Two Hours.

Four thousand, three hundred and twenty seconds.

Four thousand, three hundred and twenty seconds of pure pain.

I've never felt like this before.

Two hours till sundown and it’s just pumping through by veins.

Pumping, surging, flowing.

Violence.

Sheer, unadulterated violence.

Two days ago I promised Spike I was going to blow the whole fucking country to hell.

Since then I've found some clarity.

There's a nest.

There were fifty vampires that night.

Fifteen made it home undead.

I never was one to draw out the fight.

Well, except with Spike.

But he's different.

Speaking of my lover, or rather his moniker.

I think I'm gonna take a leaf out of his book tonight.

I lift the object in my hand up to the light and stare at it dispassionately.

Tonight we're out for blood.

And I intend to draw it out.

It's all about blood.

And tonight, I'm avenging my son's.

Chpt16 -- Spike

Going home...

It's been six weeks.

We left that night.

Neither of us wanted to stay in Ireland.

We're back in America.

New York, to be precise.

We're working our way back to good ol' Sunnydale.

Heading home.

Just waiting for her to tell me she's ready.

The first week was hell.

In no weak sense of the word.

I barely remember it.

All I remember is the need to take my mate away from there.

It's not getting better.

It's getting bearable.

---

We've barely spoken since it happened.

But, tonight we made love for the first time since...

No.

Stop.

…

I told her I loved her.

And she smiled at me.

She hasn't smiled in a nearly a month.

I could write for an eternity just about how it feels when she smiles at me.

I mean really smiles at me.

It's like the whole world isn't there, just her and-

"Spike?"

I look down.

She's smiling at me.

Again.

She must have been watching me for a while because her smile is a mixture of loving and teasing.

"I'm ready to go home. I mean, if you are."

"Whatever you want, m'love." I murmur into her hair as I draw her back down to my chest.

"I love you."

I hear her mumble and feel her lips press gently into my side.

God, I love her.

"I love you too, baby."

"Good."

I chuckle at her child-like tone of voice and roll her underneath me, pressing my lips to hers.

We'll head home tomorrow.

Anything to make her happy.

Chpt17 -- Buffy

When I wake up...

My eyes open slowly to the shaded sun that enters our room.

I feel peaceful and contented.

All I've really felt since he told me he loved me.

Obviously not the first time.

Not when we found out....NO! Stop it.

I mean the second time.

In New York.

We've been back a couple of weeks.

Sharing my old room.

'Sharing' sharing.

It seems strange.

Not sharing a bed with him obviously.

But being back here - in my room. Having sex under my mother's roof.

Mom seems okay with us, it - whatever 'it' is.

We haven't spoken privately yet.

I know she wants to but can't get me alone.

I know she watches us. Watches Spike watch me.

Since we returned he's barely left my side.

Not that we were really apart before but now he's more....possessive.

She doesn't realise what he went through before - with Miss Ho of the century.

She doesn't realise why he does it.

I know why though.

I close my eyes and turn in his cool embrace, resting my head on his chest.

I smile as his arms wrap around me again.

He cools me from the inside.

Keeps me calm.

Keeps me safe.

Keeps me his.

Chpt18 -- Spike

Mine...

The Watcher still doesn't know she's back.

Neither do her friends...yet.

I think she'll tell them in a few days.

Wonder how they'll react - probably not well...wankers.

Well, I won't let them hurt her: I'll keep her safe - just like I have these months.

We're living at her mothers'.

She wanted to be here specifically so we're here.

Don't think Joyce appreciates my presence in her home but fuck it - not her choice.

Ironic.

She seems to know all about the whole Slayer gig.

Guess the Slayer's pet Scoobies let her in on the big secret when Buffy left.

Don't know if she knows I'm a Vampire though.

We don't exactly chat.

Didn't need an invite since I already had one, so it didn't come up then either.

I want to find a house for us, where it can just be the two of us.

I don't want to share her.

She's mine.

...And I'm hers.

Chpt19 -- Buffy

Facing them...

It wasn't easy.

Tears, threats, anger...

I'd almost forgotten that he used to be my enemy.

They hadn't.

I'm crying.

I don't want to but I am.

He's rocking me on his lap, whispering to me - begging me to stop.

Telling me it'll be okay.

I don't feel like I can live here anymore, in this house.

I know mom hasn't done anything...yet...

He doesn't like it here - he doesn't say so, but I know.

I think maybe we'll go to the flat.

Yeah, I'll give them time and give us space from them.

"Spike?"

I sniff, raising my head from his shoulder to look in to his oh-so-blue eyes.

He gently kisses me before replying, "Yeah?"

I sniff again, trying to find the words.

"I want to go."

"Where, pet?"

He brushes back some hair from face. His touch is always so gentle. Not like a demon.

"Back to the flat...I don't think I can live here any-"

My voice brakes as sobs return and he cuddles me back against him.

Attempting to dull my pain at my friends’ lack of support.

Even Willow...

I leave the thought, concentrating on evening out my breathing.

As I calm I look back at him, pleadingly.

Not an expression anyone's used to seeing.

"Can we go back? Please?"

I watch as his lips descend on mine, softly kissing me.

He pulls back and there’s a smile on his face as he answers.

"Sure, pet."

I breathe out a sigh of relief and replace my head on his chest.

My eyes are beginning to droop.

Tired from the exhaustion of crying.

He gently lifts me, carefully taking me to our bedroom, softly placing me under the sheets.

I remember why I'd forgotten.

It was easy.

Chpt20 -- Spike

Home Sweet Home...

As predicted the idiots didn't take it well.

She cried for hours.

I wish I could just go back and rip their throats out.

I hate seeing her cry.

Kills me all over again each time she does.

I'd kept her happy for weeks until...

My face morphs at the fact that they broke the happiness I created for her.

But we're back at the flat now.

I'd brought her here a couple of times before it all happened.

To get patched up.

To tell the truth, I'd forgotten about it.

She hadn't though.

Obviously she liked it.

That's why we're living here.

For now.

For as long as she wants.

I look up as she walks into the room.

She just smiles at me, walks over and kisses me.

I wonder if she even knows my face has changed...

"Mmmm, I'm hungry." She moves into the kitchen, smiling still.

I'd do anything to see her smile at me.

And she knows it....I'm so whipped!

"I'm glad we're home." She says, taking my hand and gently pulling me towards the bedroom.

I smile.

"Me too, pet."

Home sweet home, eh?

Chpt21 -- Buffy

Something new...

Faith is dead.

That was her name, by the way…the name of the new one.

I still remember Kendra’s lifeless eyes as they stared up at me, that fateful night.

Begging me…pleading with me to avenge her…

I did.

…

A new Slayer has been called.

She's not in Sunnydale though so he's safe...

I've started to patrol again - what is it they say about old habits?

They die hard…well, the vamps just die harder…

I giggle – what a bloody stupid name for a film!

Sometimes he comes...

Well, he's always there but sometimes he just follows me.

When I need some alone-time.

I never see him.

But I can feel him there.

No Scoobies though.

Not for three weeks.

To be honest, three-bliss-filled weeks!

Mom's visited a few times.

Well, closer to fourteen.

It's weird.

In a town as small as Sunnydale you'd have thought we'd have seen Xander or Willow or Oz or Cordy or Giles.

What did Cordy say my first day here?

Oh, yeah - "We don't have a lot of town here!"

Ain't that the truth?!

After New York, Paris, Berlin, London… Sunnydale doesn’t seem all that small…

It’s tiny!

Which makes you think it’d be all the more likely to happen…

At least one of them once, if not all together.

But no.

Not a peep…

Not a whisker.

I don't really care, but I can feel a showdown a-coming!

Coming soon to a cemetery near you!

We went to the Bronze the other night.

They were having a 'Goth Nite'!

Spike decided it was fate.

But vetoed my ever wearing that dress out of the house again!

First time ‘out-out’ since we've been in Sunnydale.

It hadn't changed.

It was kinda like that night that started all this off.

But this time we went to our warm, safe home.

As appose to the hell that followed the last time.

Found out something else today.

Something new...

I wonder if he'll know...like last time.

Chpt22 -- Spike

Hope...

"What’s wrong, love?"

She's worried, I can tell.

She's been fiddling with the covers for thirty minutes for one thing...

I pull her to me, back to chest, kissing her neck.

I swirl my tongue around my bite mark and as expected she shivers.

I still can't stop touching her.

My arms are wrapped around her waist, hands resting on her soft stomach, close to her beautiful, petite breasts.

I hear her take a deep breath, her hands cover mine.

I frown...what is she doing?

This is familiar.

She slowly moves them down to her lower abdomen.

De-ja-vu much? Christ, I even sound like her in my head!

"Buffy?"

That’s when I hear it.

Two heartbeats, instead of one.

Two heartbeats…two…

"Buffy?"

I can't keep the hope out of my voice.

She turns on to her back, a shy smile on her face.

"Spike, I....I'm pregnant."

Chpt23 -- Buffy

Happy...

He's not moved; I'm a little worried.

"Spike?"

One of my hands moves to gently touch his cheek.

As I make contact his eyes focus on mine.

Before I know it I'm on top of him and he's hugging me.

So tightly that it hurts a little and I wince.

He loosens his grip on me and tugs my lips to his.

When he pulls back my head is in his hands and he's smiling.

His eyes are slightly glassy.

I frown as I see tears.

"Spike?"

I can hear the worry in my voice.

"I love you, Buffy."

His voice his harsh, hoarse.

Though I still see tears, I now see happiness.

He rolls us over so that I'm on my back, and he is peppering kisses down my neck, across my chest.

I can still feel him smiling against my skin and I smile.

He's happy.

And that makes me happy.

Chpt24 -- Spike

This time...

We're lying in bed.

She's asleep in my arms.

Hmm...worn her out!

She's just starting to show again.

She's different this time. Happier about it all.

I don't think she minds the bump – it’s only little, but I can tell when we make love.

She minded it all before because of him.

Because he forced her away from her home.

Her family.

'Cause he was never there for her the way she needed him to be.

Well, I'll always be there for her.

She knows that......doesn't she?

I pull her closer and whisper into her hair, "I'll never leave you."

"You better not!" She mumbles, moving her arm from over my chest to resting on it.

I chuckle.

That’s my Slayer!

I slide my hands across her stomach and on to her abdomen.

I delicately trace the scar the dagger left.

It feels like it gets smaller everyday, which is good.

This time will be different.

This time we'll have our baby.

This time nothing will go wrong.

This time everything will be..."Perfect."

Chpt25 -- Buffy

Visitors

It’s Monday.

Willow came round today.

It’s been nearly a month since I told them all.

It was her that hurt the most....or maybe Giles.

Hell, they all hurt me.

Spike wouldn't leave us to talk alone.

I could tell she was shocked.

Both of the fact and that I didn't say anything.

Like I said - I know why.

She apologised.

A lot.

We decided to take it slow - try and rebuild our friendship.

She said she'd meet me for patrol tomorrow.

Guess that’s something to look forward to.

She says Giles wants to see me...if I want to.

Guess that’s Wednesday booked.

I didn't tell her.

I'm about three months along so I show in tight tops.

But I was in my 'comfy clothes'

So she didn't see.

Or at least she didn't say anything.

I don't know if I'm ready to tell my mother.

Yet.

It’s too soon.

Chpt26 -- Spike

Scans...

We went for her first scan today - after the witch left.

There was an all night clinic just on the outskirts of town.

Good thing too since I wasn't looking forward to burning to a crisp.

Would have done it though…

Anything to see this miracle before me…

Anyway, everything’s normal.

Ten fingers, ten toes.

No fangs or ridges and its not sucking the Slayer's blood so that’s a good.

I really need to get my language back.

Having said that I heard her say "Bloody Hell!" the other day so I must rubbing off on her too.

…

The doctor gave us a picture – it’s on the mantle.

I'm looking at it right now.

My son.

Mine.

…

She walks in, smiling at me, carrying a cup of blood.

I know she hates the thought of me feeding so I bought some more bloody blood bags.

It’s not like I kill anyone…anymore…

Don't even say it 'cause I know.

Believe me I know.

But when she straddles my lap and starts kissing me I don't give a fuck.

…

Mmm, definitely not.

Chpt27 -- Buffy

Watcher...

Giles is here.

Sitting opposite us.

I know he's not comfortable with Spike but I don't care.

I watch as he moves to the edge of his seat.

"H-how have you been?"

He stutters; he's worried.

"Good...you?"

I try to be nice, try to smile, be polite – make an effort.

But it comes hard – I’m still hurt by his reaction, by his betrayal…

But in the same breath, I know I need this…I need him…he’s….family.

He nods his head as he replies, "Yes, f-fine."

His eyes dart nervously up to Spike and then back to me.

I don't even have to look to know where Spike's eyes are focused.

Giles seems shocked by it: that he watches me the way he does.

All proprietorial and possessive, and such…

Having said that they all do.

Not that I care.

Oh, had a thought:

Funny - My Watcher is watching my watcher watch me!

Chpt28 -- Spike

Kicking...

I softly kiss her neck as she calms, my demon back under control, content and sated.

I listen to her erratic breathing as it slowly slows.

My eyes are closed, trying in turn to regain my equilibrium.

She pushes gently on my shoulders and I carefully roll off her.

Before I can even begin pull her into my arms her petite form is already curled up to mine.

Her body fits so perfectly against mine.

Perfect.

I slip my hands down her back and resting on her stomach.

The bumps' more prominent now, I still think it looks cute!

I can’t stop touching her – can’t stop exploring the life growing inside my woman’s body…

Mine…

I can hear her dropping off and I close my eyes since I'm quite fatigued myself.

That's when I feel it.

Little vibrations against my hands.

Like a wuss I jump and pull my hands away.

I chuckle at my own actions.

I hear the Slayer's light laughter in return.

Her hands reach for mine and places them back on her stomach.

Then it happens again.

It's kicking.

The baby's kicking.

Our baby's kicking.

My baby's kicking.

My eyes have gone glassy...must be something in the air.

Yeah, mate. That'll cut it!

Chpt29 -- Buffy

Stand up and shout...

Ugh!

Xander came round today.

To our home.

Since I didn't tell him where we lived that means Mom or Willow or Giles told him.

Willow.

We're getting on tonnes better these days.

We actually talk.

I mean like best friends talk.

Her about Oz.

Me about Spike.

I think it’s easier for the two of us because her partner’s a werewolf…

And mines a Vampire, so it’s not like she has a huge scope for complaint.

We're closer anyway.

But I haven't told her about the baby yet.

I haven't even told Giles.

A few weeks ago I started up training with him again.

It's not that I felt I needed to.

And it’s not like I feel I'm not ready to face whatever crap the Hellmouth feels like throwing at me.

I just...well, I miss the whole Watcher/Slayer connection thing.

I mean, I love fighting Spike.

But before I realised I was pregnant again, it always ended the same way.

Sex.

Hot, sweaty, AMAZING sex!

Yummy....

Whoa, zoned there!

The last three months, though, he's too scared that he'll hurt me.

He blames himself for what...what happened before.

My eyes blur, and I push off the couch and into the kitchen, rummaging around for a drink.

I don’t want to forget…but it hurts to remember.

I hate this pain I feel, I hate the guilt I feel…I hate it all…

But I have my new life to take care of; I need to be whole for him or her…need to me a proper Mommy…

And I need to be whole for myself.

But still…I wish…

…If only…

…

Anyway; Xander.

He was kinda quiet.

No maybe quiet isn't the right word.

Subdued might have been better.

Like a certain red-haired witch and glasses-cleaning Watcher had threatened extreme pain if he was to act his usual idiot self!

Not one to break tradition, Spike wouldn't leave us alone to talk.

For once I was extremely grateful of this fact.

He'd been getting better.

Spike, that is. With the whole me going places without him thing…

But with the big four-month mark coming up he's as protective as ever.

It'll be next week.

Friday.

We're going out.

I've promised everyone a night, the six of us, a night at the Bronze.

Then we're meeting mom and Giles at home - well, her home.

I just have to tell Spike.

And I will....

Soon...

Probably...

No, definitely...

On Friday.

Coward!!

---

"No!"

Oh, God.

I knew I should have told him before.

I understand his pain, his fear – hell, I feel it myself…but come on, he has to work with me here:

I stand up and shout.

"I WANT to go out! I haven't been out with my friends in months. Baby, I love you but I need us to pick up my old life and merge it with

our new one. I'll be fine."

I'm shouting at him.

Screeching, almost!

But I'm pissed off!

"I want you to have your old life back as well, pet, but what if something happens and I can't protect you...like last time?"

He trails off.

Oh.

What can I say, knowing that I feel the same way…but how can I phrase that I need my life – our life – to go on; for our child, for ourselves...for each other.

"We can't hide here forever."

He seems to stop at this.

Seems to read my thoughts – the ones that explain things a thousand times better than my lips ever can.

He pouts.

Good.

That’s good:

He's playing with me.

Not so mad anymore.

So I tease back at him:

"And who's gonna dare come near me with the Big Bad snarling over me?"

I smile at him.

He smiles back.

And kisses me.

Chpt30 -- Spike

Old Flame...

I'm gonna kill him.

Any minute now.

If she wasn't laughing so hard I would as well.

I feel a smile start to break over my face but quickly quell the urge.

Big Bad's don't smile at whelp's jokes.

They don't.

Oh, fine.

I smile.

But it's at the whelp… it’s at my beautiful Slayer.

I take in a deep breath.

It's more out of habit than anything else.

A habit I seem to have rekindled since we've been together.

Probably because I spend most of the time that she's asleep watching her - making sure she's okay!

Hey! What can a de-

What's that?

I frown, and look around the dark, smoky room.

Something’s not right.

I could almost swear I...

*Can you feel me, pet?*

Oh, God.

I knew this day would come.

Somehow I knew the Pricks That Be couldn't leave us alone for long.

I mean, hell we've been pretty much blissful for nearly two months.

Definitely time to drop a big pile of shit on us!

My eyes dart about the place.

I can sense her.

Hear her call.

Feel her pull.

*Dru?*

*Come to mummy, darling.*

Darling...darling...darling...

The word bounces around my head but it doesn't bring back memories of a dark princess.

But a golden one.

Can you feel it, darling? Our baby's kicking!

Her call doesn't affect me like it used to.

I can feel her trying, probing, banging at the edges…but it won’t work.

I'm under a different thrall.

Cast by someone who doesn't even realise what she's done.

Tamed a Master, tamed a Demon....

Tamed my soul.

I turn to her as she calls my name, worry in her eyes.

"Spike?"

It hits me.

Oh, God.

The baby.

Never again.

I promised that.

For both of them.

For our lost child.

And for me.

"We have to get out of here. Now."

Never. Again.

Chpt 31 -- Buffy

Confinement...

"Damn it Spike, you're not going out without me and that’s final!"

"Damn it Slayer, you're not going out!"

We've been arguing for about forty minutes now.

I recon by my calculations that if I keep this up for another six hours and twenty-three minutes he physically won't be able to go out.

In case you haven't guessed by now dear reader of my thoughts; The Ho Is Back.

We've known for about a week now.

And every night we have this same argument.

I know I'm probably acting all unreasonable...

No, actually he's acting unreasonably!

I'm pregnant for fucks sake and I want my baby to grow up knowing its father.

"So do I love, that’s why I have to take care of her now."

Ooops.

Apparently I said that last bit out loud.

Never mind – was what I wanted to say anyway!

"No! We do it together. You promised me you'd never leave me."

My voice starts to crack.

I can feel tears welling up in my eyes.

I'm not even doing it for effect.

He has to stay…

I just know it.

"I'm not leaving you, Buffy!"

There are something’s a woman just knows.

And I know that if he leaves me tonight.

He won't come home.

"Please, Spike...it’s waited a week...it can wait a little longer."

I can't believe I just said that.

It goes against everything that makes me a Slayer.

But there are stronger forces at work her.

Stronger than any God, or Power That Be.

Love.

Love for my Mate.

And love for my baby.

"I nearly died the last time...please, just stay with me."

I'm really sobbing now.

I can't help it.

I just don't want him to go.

He sighs.

He's caving in.

"Okay, pet. It can wait."

Good.

I curl up into his arms.

"But soon, love...soon, we have to deal with it soon. We can't have another..."

His voice is breaking now.

"I know, baby."

I sniff and turn my head so that I can look at him.

My lips seek his.

Seeking his touch.

His love.

His reassurance.

And he gives it willingly.

I love him so much.

So much, it hurts to be apart from him.

Sometimes, I can't believe how much.

It’s like there is a part of me missing.

I've never felt this way about anyone before.

Never.

Before Dru came back into our lives I'd catch myself staring at him.

Almost as if I could eat him up.

I know that he loves me.

And that he wouldn't leave me...

Of his own free will.

That’s all I'm worried about.

What kind of power does she have over him?

Am I enough for you?

"I'll always love you Buffy...forever."

Chpt 32 -- Spike

Showdown...

The nights' kinda a blur.

It's like I went to the pisser in the middle of the movie and I missed the filler.

Now I’ve lost the plot of the whole fucking movie.

I don't think I've ever quite felt this way

It scared me...almost.

Pure, adulterated fire.

Anger.

Torture.

Pain.

Misery.

Hurt.

Hell.

My demon's been good for so long...did it good to be allowed out to play.

Oh, the screams.

I've never heard Bavlock demon's make that noise before.

The sound of breaking bones....

Music to my ears.

Better than the loudest rock, with the deepest beat.

Beautiful.

Now...

I feel nothing.

Except....

A strange sense of peace.

She can't harm Buffy or Jnr ever again.

Nothing can.

Mmmm, my beautiful Slayer.

She turns slowly in my arms and I feel her hot breath against my neck.

She's only half asleep.

"My body's all conflicty." She murmurs against my skin.

I love it when she gets like this.

All soft and pliant.

All woman.

And all mine.

"Hmmm....how so, love?"

"I'm sleepy..." She yawned. "Baby's all bouncy inside me...here feel." She places my hand on her protruding stomach.

The baby kicks ripples over her stomach.

I swear I haven't felt anything as amazing as this in all my two hundred years.

"Are you okay?"

Her voice is careful.

Like she doesn't want to offend me.

Which is bloody strange coming from her – Queen of Quips!

"What do you mean, pet?"

I need to make sure – I don’t wanna dredge something up that she doesn’t want to talk about.

And just end up making matters worse.

"A...."

She hesitates.

"About....Dru....silla." She clarified cautiously.

Oh.

"Oh."

I stay silent for a few minutes.

I'm not really sure how to answer her.

I'm sad.

But not destroyed.

She was my sire, my lover; my everything for over a hundred years…

But....she...she left me.

And I've moved on.

I know she made out like I hadn't earlier…that she still assumed she had pull over me.

But I have.

And she hasn’t.

"I-I'm sorry...I shouldn't have-" My love stutters out her response, so worried that she has offended; so unlike my powerful Slayer.

Even as she speaks I feel her body begin to disconnect from mine, giving me space…that I don’t need.

Or want.

I pull her back, cuddling her even closer then before.

"No, baby...it’s okay."

I hold her a little harder as I try to search for the right words to make her understand.

"I didn't want it to....end that way." I begin slowly.

"I know." She murmurs comfortingly, her tone of voice encouraging me to continue.

"But..."

I don't know how to say this without sounding like the callous bastard that I am.

"What?"

I hope she understands what I'm trying to say.

"I wouldn't have wanted a different outcome."

She doesn't say anything.

Just continues to absently stroke my hands that still rest on her protruding stomach.

She's five months along now.

"I know."

She sounds like she understands, but I feel the need to explain further.

Make her understand the true depth of my feelings for her.

"I just...I couldn't have coped if anything had happened to you...or the baby."

She sighs softly and buries her face as best she can into my chest.

"Me neither."

In the living room the clock ticks loudly.

I can hear its every movement as each second passes.

"I love you, Spike."

I smile, feeling that strange contentment flow over me.

I always feel it when she says those words.

Never felt it with anyone else.

But it has never felt as strong as it does this night.

Here I lie.

My woman in my arms.

Our child inside her.

Our greatest enemies forever gone.

And a pretty fruit basket from the Watcher on the dresser.

"I love you, too, my pet."

Chpt33 -- Buffy

Happy...

Eight and a half months.

Thirty-four weeks.

And like, way too many days!

I think Wills told me yesterday but I can't remember!

I look around our apartment.

It is beautiful.

I had a kind of....epiphany, I think he called it.

I decide two weeks ago that everything had to change.

And had to change by yesterday!

And my whipped honey did it!

All the dark colours are gone and they've been replaced with creams and beiges and...yumm!

Well, I say all the darks gone.

But...yesterday I noticed some very sexy black silk sheets at the top of the wardrobe!

We'll have to put them to some good use after Jnr's born.

Mmmm...

The baby manages to poke my stomach reminding me that food is needed…

Woah, hungry!

…like, yesterday!

Where is he?

The door opens...

"Finally! What took you so long?"

I chastise teasingly, all the while pulling at the many bags of yummy food in his arms.

"Sorry, love, but some crazy had me pick up Chinese from three different take-aways, two pizzas AND a bloody jar of peanut butter." He

scowls at me and a smile sweetly.

"Oh, no. What now?" His expression is priceless.

My Spike knows me too well.

He drops his leather on a kitchen stool.

Gotta love that resigned look on his face.

"Gherkins."

"Gherkins. Little green things in vinegar."

I clarify with a grin, he just scowls.

"I thought you couldn't stand vinegar. The whole of the Sunnydale population has gotten rid of the stuff under threat of disembodiment!"

He's not putting his coat on.

I tap my foot, arms crossed…as well as I can cross them over the bump.

"Shoo, Spike, quicker you go, quicker you come back!"

He just grins at me - crazy Vampire!

God, I love him…

But he’s still not moving to get me my green things.

“Spike…” I whine, knowing it drives him crazy…and hoping that it’ll drive him out of the house, down to the store and over to the pickles section…

"Ah hah! I have become such a master at guessing your whims...presenting..."

He dashes out of the room and heads to the pantry.

Two seconds later he's back, big grin on face.

I love it when he’s all playful…

But still, my food ain’t here-

"Little green things in vinegar!" He leans the beloved jar against his forearm with all the flair of a posh waiter with Dom Perignon.

"Mmm..." I grab one from the open jar and quickly stick it in the peanut butter, slathering the stick up. “Mmmm….”

My mouth is watering at the sight…

Yes, I know it’s gross damnit…but it tastes so gooood…..

He makes a face, "Love, can't you at least-"

I scowl at him, before sucking it into my mouth, widening my eyes as I feel the inside of my cheeks roll along the length of the gherkin.

His eyes pop open, and mouth drops slightly.

Ha! That shut you up.

I swear he's salivating...

I continued to munch on my snack.

He’s not moved…

He’s just staring at me…

At my gherkin…

That can’t be good…

Spike? You’re not gonna try and take my gherkin are you?

I’m warning him mentally…would do it verbally but my mouth is still sucking and munching on my pickle.

"Spike?" I swallow the last bit and watch his eyes rest on my lips as I like them clean.

He doesn’t move…he pounces!

"Grrrrr!"

Lips of Spike, strawberry lipstick and gherkins.

Mmmm…..

Good combo!

A deep growl then, uh...Oh....Mmmm!

Epilogue -- Buffy

Black, White and The Grey In Between....

Okay, whoever said childbirth was easy, obviously never had the wonderful opportunity to blow a table out their ass!

But looking down at my little bundle of joy, I know it was all worth it.

I have my mate and my child.

Nothing has ever felt this right.

This perfect.

This...real.

I've never seen anything so beautiful.

Like I said, childbirth's a bitch.

And I was still in a hellavalotta pain after the big finale…

And Spike will be lucky if I let him near me sometime in the next twenty years…

But my baby's worth it.

The cutest nose.

And mystic blue eyes, just like Daddy.

My Mom's overjoyed!

Can't believe she's a grandmother.

I know the kid'll be spoiled rotten.

Good.

I think sometimes we all need that.

And a child made from a Vampire and a Slayer will definitely need some TLC now and then!

Spike's....

He's still in shock.

Don't tell anyone, but...

He fainted in the delivery room!

Ha!

We don't talk about it though.

Nope.

Not a peep.

Because that would be bad.

"Still conscious, honey?"

He's changing Jnr's diaper, so I thought I'd better check!

"Very funny, love, you're a laugh a minute."

I giggle at the look I know is on his face, even though I can’t actually see him!

"I know!"

Okay, I'll stop teasing him.

Next century maybe!

We spoke to Giles yesterday.

Spike's worried about whether or not Jnr will have superpowers....or a soul.

Giles said that since the baby's human and I had a human birth there is little chance that Jnr won't have a soul.

I'm glad.

Not that I see things that black and white anymore.

I know there's a hell of a lot of grey in between.

But...

Still, I'm glad.

Also, considering the kid's parents, Giles reckons another dose of superpowers are on the way.

So...yay, responsibility.

Not.

We've decided to let Jnr. know about Spike's 'Condition' now.

You know;

"Get used to it now so that it's not such a big shock when you find out daddy can't come out and play in the sun."

That kind of a deal.

Mom agrees.

Oh, I can't get over how much I love this baby!

How much I love my mate!

...

Or, how much my life has changed.

I'm not that teenager besotted with the broody darkness anymore.

I've found I can live in the light and still live with danger.

There are two sides to every coin.

I'm not just Buffy.

I'm not just the Slayer.

I'm both.

I'm me.

And, I think I've finally accepted that.

....

Oh, by the way.

We named him William.

The End

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