Lady Jane
©2002 Evenstar

 

Chapter 1 - Sacrifice

"SPIKE!! God, stop it! Stop!" Buffy screamed and cried, trying desperately to pry the holy cross from the vampire's embrace. The awful scent of burning flesh and freshly oozing blood was enough to make her sick, but she overcame it in an effort to save him from the self-inflicted torture. One thing she'd always know about William the Bloody was to expect the unexpected. Even she should not have foretold after he'd left her bathroom that fateful night in May that he would journey to Africa to earn his soul; and certainly not the madness that seized him now.

He could not help but cry out as the pain flamed over his body, but he held steadfast to the wooden symbol,"Spike, please, you must listen to me - I've forgiven you. I forgive you." Finally she was able to insinuate her small hand around part of the cross. Using the might of her Slayer strength she took the cross from him, sending it spiraling over the church pew to the other side of the room. He stood there hands and finger still clawed as if he were still holding the object of his torment. The blessed wood had burned away his skin, exposing the muscles underneath and the blood seeping through the sinuous strings and flowing down over his abdomen, his pelvis and down his legs."Did you hear me? I forgive you."

"NO!" He involuntarily dropped to his knees, losing further balance and collapsing on his side. He looked up at her, the only part of his body not marred by a cut of scar was those crystalline blue eyes. There was so much pain in those eyes,"You mustn't ever forgive me!"

"I already have." He crawled to her feet, sobbing, digging his fingers into the dust and rocks that covered the floor of the ruined house of worship.

"Please don't forgive me, don't forgive me...don't forgive me..." She was frozen, unable to will herself to run, afraid to kneel down and offer him comfort. She stayed and he cried and not long after she was evoked into silent tears. Eventually she sat herself down beside him, hugging her knees to her chest. She sniffled and ran her sleeve under her nose and then cleared her throat. Eventually he stopped crying too and simply lay in the dirt, facing away from her.

"We need to get you some help for those burns, and the cuts." He remained silent. She tentatively brushed her fingertips over the bleached ends of his grown out curls, the long dark roots were a contrast. He flinched away, cowered within himself at first, then relaxed when she began to stroke his hair. It wasn't as majestic a scene as the Pieta, but they'd never been anything more or less than real."What are you doing to yourself, William?"

"You must forget William, Heaven won't have him back now that he knows what he became. You must abandon him, he is ugly, unwanted, mad, mean, cold and condemned."

"I can't do that."

"I'll hurt you, I'll taint your goodness, sully your purity." She almost laughed.

"I'm not pure, Spike, far from it."

"But you are, you are the chosen one. I am beneath you." She sighed, still stroking him as though he were just a large cat in her lap.

"Will you wait here for me to go get a first aid kit?" He'd gone into himself again, becoming deathly still and quiet."Give me an hour, I'll be right back." She got up and took off her coat, laying it over him. He looked dead, like a wild beast had torn him open, feasted and left the carcass for the carrion. She went running from the church, stopping once she got inside to collect herself. Breathing deeply, in and out slowly, she tried to process all she'd experience this night. Spike had a soul. Spike had fought for it, earned it. It was killing him.

Buffy jogged back to town after leaving the church and Spike behind. She thought maybe she'd find a drugstore and buy bandages and ointment to hold him together. She spotted Xander, who'd obviously followed her when she'd gone after Spike. He waved and she waited for him to run to her. "So what the hell was all that about?" he asked. After the incident with the product of one of Anya's vengeances Spike had gone berserk from the pain in his head when the wormlike creature had become human again and the vampire had injured him and sent the chip firing. Buffy of course had reacted.

"Do you have any money on you?"

"Yeah, a couple of twenties in my wallet, I think. Why?"

"We need first aid supplies, Spike's hurt." Xander scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"And we care because?"

"I'll pay you back." Incredulous, he fished into his back pocket for his wallet and crammed the bills into her open hand,"Thank you."

"Sure Buffy."

"You can go if you want, I can handle this by myself." Xander merely waved her off.

"Whatever stupid mess fangboy's gotten himself into this time, I want to be around to enjoy the colossal smackdown of it."

"It's not like that..." She accidentally tore one of the twenties she'd been compulsively wringing in her hands.

"I don't know why you bother...after what he did."

"Still none of your business, Xander. Let's go, okay?"

When they returned to the church, Spike was gone. Buffy picked up her coat and brushed the dust off it, noticing where spots of Spike's blood had stained it.

"Damn," she swore under her breath. There was nothing to be done tonight for the fallen man, she just hoped they'd have a chance to talk again.

 

Chapter 2 - Reflections

The Slayer walked through the entranceway and into the room made of mirrors. Like a fun house, the walls were paneled with slats of glass. She smiled like pink cotton candy joy at her infinite selves. Then a hand touched her shoulder and she was startled. Whipping around she was soon exhaling into calm.

"Sorry, pet, didn't mean to frighten. Mirrors, no reflection n' all that," explained Spike, grinning innocently. He wasn't quite himself, his hair was longish, still bleached, but with roots showing. He was dressed in cargo pants that barely stayed above his hips and at his too thin waist. He wore a white tank top and the same old beat up Doc Martens. He was still Spike, just a happier and more relaxed Spike.

"It's okay, but should you really be here, with all the mirrors?"

"Well, yeah, how else am I ever gonna get anywhere?" He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and walked on through the glass. Her mouth was agape at what she'd just witnessed. She could see him on the other side walking jauntily away from her,"Ta, love, don't forget the password!"

"What? Password?" He was gone. She growled in frustration, her voice echoing off the other images of herself, then gasped when they all disappeared. On instinct her hands went to touch her face, making sure she was still real or that she didn't have ridges and fangs. She blinked hard and upon opening her eyes she saw someone else looking back. Buffy was surrounded by innumerable images of another girl. She was younger than Buffy, closer to Dawn's age. Her hair was a mess of dark ringlets affixed atop her head. She was dressed in a simple full length cotton nightgown, decorated with intricate smocking across her chest. The girl's eyes were a dark gray, accented by sharp cheekbones and a puggish nose.

The teenager had her arms outstretched, reaching for Buffy, her lips silently asking for help. Buffy stood immobile and terrified in the center of the room, unable to escape, but also unable to tear herself from the girl's urgent pleas. The Slayer began to panic, her instincts telling her she was under attack. She was mercifully distracted by the reappearance of her vampire. He was hurling himself against one panel of mirror, like her he was wanting to escape.

"Slayer help me! I can't get out!!" She broke away and started to pound her fists on the glass in an effort to rescue him, but she couldn't break through,"Buffy you must hurry! Help me, they're going to come and take my soul! Don't let them take my soul!" She started to kick the mirror,"Please..." he had gone to a whisper,"Baby, don't let them get my soul, I got it for you..." His last line came out as a whimper and then he was farther away, one reflection back, and then another, and another and another until he was only a spec in the distance. Buffy by now was ignoring the young woman, Spike's begging and crying resuming and consuming her.

"BUFFY!!" he screamed just before all the glass exploded.

Buffy sat up in bed gasping for breath, reaching for Spike only to find herself in her own room and Dawn seated at the end of her bed, gently shaking her awake."Are you okay?" Dawn asked.

"What? What time is it?"

"Seven, almost, your alarm's gonna go off in nine minutes. Nightmare? I heard you calling out Spike."

"Yeah, god, it was horrible."

"I'm sorry Buffy, seeing him last night must have been awful. I swear next time I will stake him."

"No, no, not that kind of nightmare. He was in danger and I couldn't get to him in time."

"That kind of dream? Why are you having dreams like that about Spike? After what happened?"

"He said someone was trying to steal his soul."

"Well that's funny, considering he doesn't have one."

"Not so funny. There's something you need to know about Spike. He has a soul now, Dawn." The younger girl let out an involuntary squeak,"Little too much to take before breakfast?"

"How?"

"It was hard to figure out what exactly happened. He was ranting, panicked, but I know that he went for it, asked for it."

"Wow."

"Understatement."

"All because of what happened in the bathroom?"

"I think so."

"Wow. So he's all good and stuff? Angelus, Angel kind of different?"

"I'm not sure, I haven't really had the chance to find out. He's disturbed, he's been hurting himself. There are cuts all over his chest and stomach. He said he was trying to get at his soul."

"Oh my god."

"He talks in circles, gibberish and sometimes he's okay."

'You're worried about him, aren't you?"

"I can't help it. I've tried to pretend that he doesn't matter, but sometimes we were..."

"Good?"

"Sometimes it was good. I can't forget what happened the last time, but I think I've forgiven him enough to know I do care what happens to him."

"You forgave him when you took me to him when Willow went on her rampage. You know, I used to wish you two would get together."

"Do you still want to stake him?"

"I never wanted to."

"We'll be careful alright? We'll talk to him, maybe help him. He needs it."

"Do you know where he is?"

"No, but I'll go by the crypt after school's out and ask Clem if he knows."

"I want to forgive him Buffy."

"You'll be able to. You'll know when you have." The sound of a dreadful technobeat suddenly filled the room as the alarm clock sounded,"You taking first shower?"

"Of course."

 

Chapter 3 - A Friend in Need

It had been Buffy's intention to leave the office early and visit Clem before heading home to make dinner, but her schedule had been filled until 3:30pm. Her office was small, without a window or any air circulation and it was also in an obscure part of the high school next to a janitor's closet, but it was hers. As the new counselor/liaison for the school Buffy had been able to abandon the Doublemeat Palace, thank god, for something that made her feel worthy beyond slaying. At first she believed herself to be woefully inadequate to counsel students, especially considering her lack of experience or a college degree. As it turned out she found herself more than capable. This was especially after it became obvious that the student sought her advice on primarily supernatural matters. Adults in Sunnydale may have been clueless, but the kids weren't, with possibly the exception of the new principal. Buffy doubted she was chosen for this position because she had gobs of good advice to dole out.

She was busy putting away her files when a suspicious character snuck past her open door. Putting down her folders and taking up the letter opener up off her desk, she went to follow. She spied the abundant shaped man wearing a black hooded sweatshirt to conceal his identity sneak down into the boiler room. Buffy groaned, she was so not in the mood to have someone blow up a high school. Moving cautiously with stealth the Slayer descended into the lower levels.

The intruder was obviously incredibly strong as he'd moved several full crates from his path to reveal a hole in the concrete just big enough for him to fit through. He had just finished putting several sacks through to the other side when the Slayer came upon him. Grabbing the back of his shirt she lifted him up and spun him around. The stranger cried out and tried to shield himself from the attack rather than fight back.

"Clem?!" she said, astonished.

"Slayer?" the wrinkly demon said back.

"What are you doing here?"

"Don't hurt me!" Buffy realized she was holding him forcefully up against the wall and let then let him down gently.

"Sorry Clem." He was fidgeting and behaving rather nervously.

"Don't be mad and please don't hit me! I'm not doing anything bad. No kittens on me even, nothing!" Buffy sighed and rolled her eyes.

"I'm not going to hit you."

"Promise?"

"Yes Clem." The demon visibly relaxed.

"Good, thanks. I'm not tough like Spike. I'm not so good with the pain management thing."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, um, nothing, honest. It's just that I remember you two used to be into that kind of thing and maybe Spike could handle all the bruises and broken bones, but I don't heal so quick."

"Broken bones? When?" Clem suddenly felt quite under scrutiny.

"Uh...there was the time right before your birthday party. I came over to his place and found him just barely inside the door. I helped him get to his comfy chair and got him some bloody and whiskey, the patched him up a bit. One of his cheekbones was shattered, there were broken ribs...his collar bone too. There were lots of cuts and bruises but he got a little angry and told me to leave them alone. It took a little while to stop the bleeding on his face, but I did good. It was happening alot so I figured he was okay with it..." Buffy swallowed hard, the lump in her throat felt like it was the size of and apple. Clem was obviously describing that horrible night behind the police station.

"Clem did he ever say anything about me?" The wrinkled one sort of shrugged.

"He said that you needed him for something. He said that he loved you and hope you felt better and that he'd helped you." Ouch.

"He wasn't angry?"

"Nope, just sad. He said you were hurting inside." Buffy hugged herself and regained her composure, images of a beaten and bloody Spike running through her mind knowing she'd been the cause of it. Meanwhile Clem was becoming increasingly anxious.

"What's the matter?"

"It's almost four o'clock. He wakes up around four and I should be there."

"Spike? Oh god...this is where he's been hiding? Take me to him!"

"That's not such a good idea."

"Why not?"

"He probably wouldn't want you to see him when he first wakes up, it's pretty bad."

"I don't care."

"But I care. He's my best friend. Please?"

"I need to see him, Clem, it's important."

"Later, okay? I'll try and get him to come to the crypt."

"Alright," Buffy lied. Clem nodded and squeezed himself through the opening in the wall, picked up his bags and hurried away into the underground caves. She waited a minute and then followed.

 

Chapter 4 - Firebird

She heard Spike before she caught the glow of Clem's flashlight. There were no words, just plaintiff cries and moans and then the screaming."GET THEM OFF!! Get them off me!!" the vampire pleaded, his cries echoing all around her. Buffy moved quicker, coming to the end of the passage and finding Clem wrestling with a half naked Spike. She was horrified by what Clem's flashlight revealed. Spike was living in absolute squalor with a few articles of clothing strewn about and papers carpeting the floor. There was a threadbare blanket stuffed into one corner behind the pair.

"Come on old buddy, it's only a dream," Clem cajoled, encircling his flabby arms around the flailing vampire to hold him still.

"They're all over me!"

"Shhhh...you're fine now, back in Sunnydale. Take some deep breaths." Spike did as his friend asked, slowly calming down.

"Sunnydale?"

"Yep! Good for you. Took less time to snap out of it with this one."

"Sunnydale."

"That's right, Hellmouth, Slayer...."

"S..Slayer? Buffy. Buffy - is she hurt? I didn't hurt her again did I?"

"No, the Slayer's just fine."

"You've promised to stake me if I think to go see her again. You must do it." Clem wasn't sure how to reply, so instead he let his grasp around the vampire go and eased him back against the wall of the cave. He fetched the filthy old blanket off the ground and lay it over Spike.

"Okay, I brought fresh bandages so we can change yours. Got the paper and charcoal you wanted, oh, and batteries for the other flashlight."

"I wanted candles."

"Last time I brought candles you used them to burn yourself. I have some blood for you too. Want to see if you can keep some down this time?"

"What would be the point, I'd only bring it up again later. It was the scarabs this time. They'd gotten under m'skin, were eatin' m'parts."

"The scarabs aren't here anymore, they're gone now. Why don't you have something to drink, maybe you'd get a little nutrients from it first....before you get sick. If you want the truth you're gettin' kinda scrawny. Please? For me?" Granted Clem was no Helen of Troy, but who could resist that wrinkly sweet face? Clem passed him an old water bottle full of blood and the vampire took obliging sips. As his friend went to work on methodically tending to the numerous wounds, Spike relaxed and was gently humming a tune to himself.

"That's haunting...but cool."

"The Firebird."

"Is it old?"

"Igor Stravinsky, 1910. The lady played it for me. I wish I dreamt more of her and less of what happened in Africa."

"Tell me about her again."

"She plays her violin and I sit at her feet as an obedient dog. She smiles at me and touches my hair, but she never says a word."

"Sounds nice. Oh! That reminds me. Did you want to go up and take a shower in the locker rooms? I've got bleach and lots of packs of sweet n' low. Make you a little like your old self."

"He ought to have stayed dead, but William needs somewhere to live." Clem was becoming accustomed at distinguishing which of Spike's words were rational and which were not, so he continued on and ignored that last sentence.

"How's about later you come by the old crypt tonight. There's an A-TEAM marathon on TNN."

"She may walk about tonight, we must protect her from the sight of me, mustn't remind her of that night. The tiles were cold."

"You don't have to."

"May I lay down?"

"Sure, buddy." Spike huddled under his blanket while Clem busied himself with cleaning the space. Buffy snuck back when he came too near her hiding spot, depositing a stack of papers there. When he went back to Spike she took up the papers and ran back to the boiler room. When she was once again in her office she shut the door, sat down and cried.

 

Chapter 5 - Illustrations

It took a long time for Buffy to compose herself after seeing Spike in such a manic, pitiful state. Their abusive relationship may have ended on a unparalleled and violent low, but he'd done more than shown remorse, he'd won his soul as a direct result of his actions. It was obviously effecting him gravely. He had been her lover, experiencing more with him in one night than in a year with Riley Finn. He'd also done his best to be good because of her the whole time, she could acknowledge that now. This new Spike seemed innocent and tormented and it was breaking her heart. At least he had Clem with him. The mere thought of him living in those dark and dank caverns make her stomach turn. He'd always been so confident and proud. She didn't just care about his welfare, she had feelings for him. Still. Even after everything.

She finally hazarded to look at the papers she'd dared to snatch. The first sheet of heavy paper was charcoal sketch of a child, beautiful and bright with golden ringlets of hair. However, there was fear in her eyes and soot all over her cherubic face. Buffy had forgotten that he could draw. She flashed back briefly to when she'd found his shrine to her in the lower portion of his crypt. Quickly she flipped through as many as one hundred illustrations until she picked out the nine that were of her and two of Dawn. The ones of Dawn showed the teenager quiet and smiling, but the ones of herself told a deeper story.

One had her stretched out on the crypt floor over oriental rugs, sleeping nude, satiated from hours of sex with him. She looked like a goddess. Another made her cheeks flush upon seeing it, it was her face contorted at the very point of climax. Other sketches were less explicit, just her smiling, looking off in the distance. There was one in which a hand she recognized as his reached out and caressed her face. But the last almost made her cry again. She remembered her words,"Ask me again why I could never love you!" and now she knew what her face had looked like.

***

Surprisingly enough Dawn had dinner waiting for her when Buffy arrived home shortly after 5pm. It was fairly simple, Kraft dinner and garden salad, but it was appreciated. Buffy had stowed the drawings of herself in her bookbag, but put the others on top of the counter, including the ones of Dawn. She didn't want to leave them in her office for anyone to find and the other truth was that the renderings of herself flattered her, how much he revered her. No one, not even Angel, held her in his mind like such an object of beauty.

"Lots of filing n' stuff?" her sister asked, setting the pot on the island and spooning out heaps of cheesy pasta into bowls.

"I saw Spike again. He's living under the school."

"And?"

"I think he's in trouble."

"What kind of trouble? Kitten debt trouble?" Dawn was deliberately trying not to show too much concern, when in actuality she was as panged as her sister.

"He's been hurting himself more than I thought. Burning and more cutting. He wants to die and if he can't have that he wants pain. I wish I could help. I told him I forgave him but I don't think it's enough."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Did you ever love him?" Buffy looked down at the table and thought of those drawings."You haven't been out with anyone all summer and..."

"I don't know. I have feelings for him, they haven't gone away. I know what he really wanted from me, what I gave to Angel. I just couldn't. This is all my fault."

"No, it's not."

"But it's not Spike's either. I want to help him. Clem's going to get him to the crypt later."

"What are you going to do?"

"I wish I knew, I don't know if I can do anything to get him back to himself."

"Could you ask him something for me?"

"What's that?"

"If he wants, maybe he could come over and we could watch a movie or something."

"I don't think he's up for it, Dawnie."

"You think maybe he'd understand that I just mean it's okay to come and see me?"

"I'll tell him that. It's a start."

"Hey, what are these?" As they ate Dawn thumbed through Spike's drawings, taking time to absorb each one. Meanwhile Buffy recounted what she'd seen between Spike and Clem. Dawn found the ones of herself and set them aside to keep."Wow, he's amazing."

"I know."

"He had a sketchbook last year. When he stayed with me he would sit and work in it. He'd never let me see. I think he was drawing you. Who are these people?"

"His victims over the years, probably."

"Oh god, Buffy...I know her!" Dawn held up a picture and Buffy was godsmacked, it was the girl from her dream.

"How? How do you know her?!"

"We went to school together, we had art class. She disappeared last year, just as the Glory stuff was happening."

"Who is she?"

"Duh, Jane Westerberg, like the richest family in Sunnydale. Do you think Spike did something to her?"

"Last year? He had the chip and he was helping us, no, this is something else. Listen, thanks for making dinner, but I'm going to start patrol early."

"Going to talk to Spike?"

"Yes. I think we can help each other."

 

Chapter 6 - His Last Victim

After Spike had left for Africa, Clem had stayed in the crypt so no other demons would take up residence. When it seemed that it was unlikely that the vampire was returning, Clem moved in. Buffy knew that the tunnel exit in the lower part of the crypt likely connected to where Spike was hiding, so hopefully they would both already be there. She knocked before entering, a courtesy she'd adopted for visiting Clem. Opening the door she found a familiar scene. Mr. Wrinkles himself was sitting with a bowl of Chex mix in his lap watching the television, but Spike was no where to be seen. He turned and gave her a weak smile, setting his snacks aside.

"He wouldn't come, I'm sorry Slayer," he offered,"He didn't want me to stay either."

"He shouldn't be alone."

"I can't force him. He's too strong for me to drag here and he gets really upset if I stay too long." She came down the steps to the lower level, angling herself against a sarcophagus while Clem put the tv on mute.

"How long has he been like this? How long as he been back?"

"A few weeks. It was weird, I was just walking along minding my own business one night and there he was, just sitting on the curb talking to himself. I was all like, hey buddy long time no see...you don't write, you don't call...and then he started crawling away. All the way back to the high school."

"And you've been looking after him ever since."

"He's my pal, even if he's not himself."

"You're a good friend."

"Well, it's Spike, you know? But I miss my friend. It's like this...look at the A-TEAM..." Clem pointed to the television,"Spike was always like Hannibal, confident, had a plan and purpose. Or he was B.A. all action and muscle. With you he tried to be Face, sweet and charming...but now he's just Murdoch. But the others all take care of him...so I'll take care of Spike."

"He's back at the school?"

"As far as I know."

"Wasn't there a girl on the show?"

"Oh, only towards the end."

"But she took care of them too?"

"Yeah, she did." Clem smiled, realizing she was making herself a part of the metaphor. Maybe his friend would be okay afterall.

***

Luckily Buffy passed the locker rooms as she was making her way through the dark halls of the high school. Getting inside the school had been a breeze, being there alone at night gave her a odd sense of nostalgia, especially considering Spike was there too. She heard the water of a shower running and as she walked parallel to the rows of lockers she heard his voice."Eight hundred, ninety two. Eight hundred, ninety three...." He continued counting as she turned the corner to where the showers were located. Her breath caught in her throat when she came upon him and she needed to hold herself upright against the wall to keep herself from collapsing."Nine hundred, four..." He sat naked under a spray of water, cold water as there was no steam, with an exacto blade stolen from the art room in one hand. With each count he slid the blade through his skin, opening up his skin and making himself bleed. He'd began on his leg, but had by now moved to his arm. He sat on the tiles in the pinkish water concentrating very hard on his work.

Acting on instinct, Buffy launched herself at him, grabbing the knife from his hand and throwing it away."NO! If I lose count I must start over..."

"This ends now, do you hear me? SPIKE!" He looked up at her, herself getting drenched under the cold water. Not taking her eyes from him, she reached over and turned off the shower and suddenly everything was very quiet. When she heard the sound of heavy breathing it took her a moment to realize that it was coming from her. Mindlessly she pushed her wet hair from her face and let the adrenaline dissipate. She reached out to touch him and he scurried away,"I'm not going to hurt you. You're doing a pretty good job of it yourself."

"Made...made good progress today, could've had it done by morning...but now I have to start over again. The cuts heal too...too fast and I lose count. One hundred and forty five minus twenty two, times three hundred and sixty five equals forty four thousand eight hundred and forty five....that's the closest I could get, can't remember everyone, can't remember."

"Who?"

"Hurt forty four thousand eight hundred and forty five since London alley 1880. Numbers are perfect things, it's not their fault that I can't remember precisely how many, so it will have to be forty four thousand eight hundred and forty five. Plus one."

"Me?"

"You."

 

Chapter 7 - Intervention

"Um...okay, we need a plan here. Let's get you dried off first and find you some clothes." She rose to her feet and looked around for towels, finding a stack of them by some sports equipment. Suddenly realizing his nudity before her Spike became highly agitated, covering himself with his hands in fretful modesty when she came near,"It's alright, it's not like I haven't seen it before."

"It's a nasty ugly worm, it should be taken off and put back in the ground."

"No, it's not. I don't think it's nasty or ugly. I'm going to help you, so just let me. Stand up." His first attempt failed when he slipped on the tile, cracking his knee when he stumbled, but on the second go he managed to get himself upright, though he showed her his back. Coming up behind him she reached around and wrapped the towel around his waist and secured it for him. She put another one around his shoulders and another over his head. He looked like a ridiculous wayward sheik, but she doubted highly that he could reason beyond the tip of his nose. Perhaps it was the cold from the shower or his vampire healing qualities, but the blood flow out of his wounds had already ceased. She toweled off her own hair and searched about for his clothes, finding the remnants of them, having obviously been cut off before he'd started in on his flesh. Delving into some innocent student's locker she found a pair of cargo pants and a white tank top that appeared to be clean."Put these on."

"Don't look." He reached behind him and he passed her the clothes.

"I won't, promise. I'll turn around." A few moments later a hand tapped her shoulder. She turned to see him and for a brief second she thought she'd seen him like this before, but quickly shrugged it off. His head was down and he clasped his hands in front of him. She helped him into his boots, the same ones he'd had for years, though they looked mighty weathered."Where can we take you?" He was about to answer when she held up a hand to silence him,"And don't tell me anything about hell, the basement, underground, under my shoes or on top of a cliff so you can wait for the sun to rise, somewhere practical please."

"7-11."

"Huh?"

"I'm hungry."

"You're hungry...I don't think they've got blood at the 7-11."

"Want nachos n' cheese." She smiled and put her hand to his back to lead him out of the locker room.

"Not just loony, a little bit odd too?" There was a definite innocence to the smile she received in return, like a small child's. It then occurred to her where she'd seen this, once again it was from her dream.

***

She'd told him to wait on the curb whilst she went inside the store for his food and she let out a sigh of relief when he was still there. Sitting down beside him, they munched in silence on gooey nachos covered in black olives and jalepenos. He seemed very content and grateful for the food. Intervention therapy at the 7-11.

"Spike, if I ask you questions do you think you can answer?" He circled his finger in the deep well of melted cheeze whiz at the bottom of the cardboard bowl,"Spike?"

"Anything you ask of me," he whispered, still hypnotized by his finger submerged in goo.

"Why have you been hurting yourself? Why the cutting?" He stopped his actions and wiped his finger clean with a napkin.

"S'what I deserve."

"Why is this what you deserve?"

"I've killed, I've hurt...so much blood. I'll never come clean, so I offer up my own in supplication, hope there'll be enough."

"There'll never be enough Spike, you know that. Nothing you'll ever do will take back over a century of killing." Tears prick at the corners of his eyes, then slide effortlessly down his gaunt cheeks."But that doesn't mean what you're doing to yourself is the answer."

"I have no answers, I ask the questions, but they all come back at once and I can't hear anything...too much noise." He started boxing his own ears and Buffy quickly brought his hands down and held them.

"You said you'd anything I asked of you?"

"Yes."

"Then promise me you will stop hurting yourself."

"But..."

"Promise me."

"I...I promise." He pulled his hands away from her and covered his head, cowering against his knees."Should never have come back....should never of come back."

"Why did you?" Suddenly, going from one hemisphere of thinking to another he spun around to face her, landing on his hands and knees and with eyes wide and manic.

"Because of what I did! How could I let that be our last memory?! Even if you kill me, anything would be better than that cold bathroom floor! How could I let it end like that? I had to come back, don't you see? I had to.....to ask, to beg, for forgiveness." He sat back, crying silently. Buffy got to her feet and stalked over to him, pulling him up and throwing her arms around him, pinning his arms to his sides. He stood rigid and petrified.

"It's a hug you big idiot, if you tense up anymore your head's going to explode....and no, before you even dare have the thought, you don't deserve to have your head explode."

 

Chapter 8 - Lost

"I'm so sorry..." he whispered, his voice breaking, his body relaxing.

"I know." She hid her face against his chest and let the tears she needed for him to see come."I did trust you to never hurt me like that and you did. That was possibly the worst night of my life that I can remember and I know it was for you too. How could we have let it get so bad?"

"I thought it was love. I tried to cut it out, I tried, honest. Just couldn't get deep enough." Sniffling, Buffy pulled away and looked at the streaks of healing red cuts that streamed out under the white tank top.

"Trying to cut your soul isn't the answer."

"Tried to get the demon out, give William back his body....but it's dead...so where would we go? I can't do this Buffy, they fight....steering perception, inviting contradiction..." He started backing away,"It's my insistence, you keep your distance! Leave now!"

"I rather stay, don't you go either."

"Machinery's broken, no directions for re-assembly."

"Spike you're not broken, just a little lost."

"Sowed destructive seeds, scavengers coming to feed. Nails into my head, nails into my head. Damaged, damaged, damaged." He'd now taken to pounding his clenched fist against his temple,"Damned, damned, damned." Buffy stopped his beating upon himself and looked into his liquid eyes, tears streaming down her own face. Patrons of the corner store were studying them.

"Come on..."

"To-morrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day To the last syllable of recorded time - And all our yesterdays have lighted fools...The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage....And then is heard no more: it is a tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. "

"God, Spike honey, you really are depressed."

***

As could be expected the sight of her home on Revello had him upset. It had him talking to himself, but too low and introverted for her to understand. Threading her fingers with his she pulled his reluctant person down her driveway and up the steps to the front door."I didn't get the chance to tell you yet, Dawn wanted you to come and see her. I think she's ready for you two to make up. She knows what happened between us, all of it."

"Children should be spared such scars. They'll never be on my nibblet."

"As she'll tell you, she's not a child. She and I have talked it out so you don't have to worry." They came inside to the darkened house to find Dawn asleep on the couch with the television on. Her homework was splayed out over the coffee table along with snacks and empty pop cans. Spike parted from Buffy and went to walk to the teenager, but stopped suddenly and fisted his hands into his hair, holding in a cry.

"Can't do this....don't belong here." Moving rapidly, he pushed past the Slayer and out the front door. Immediately he started running away. Buffy had no hope of stopping him, nor catching up, he was already out of sight. She was caught between going after him and letting be alone to calm down. He was in abject torment and she wanted to stop his pain and hoped the process could bring them closure on the past.

"Hey, you're home. How was patrol?" Dawn inquired, stretching out. The younger sister saw how upset the other was and changed her tone,"Did you find Spike?"

"I did. He was sitting naked under a cold shower in the boy's locker room cutting into his body with a knife." Buffy spat out the words in frustration.

"Did you do anything?"

"Of course I did something! I got him as far as the living room, but he saw you and got spooked."

"He was scared of me?"

"No, of himself around you. I think he was trying to spare you. He knows he's not well and it hurts him. It's like he's trapped down a dark hole and can't get out no matter how hard he tries. But whenever someone tries to help him out of it he refuses because he's afraid he'll pull us in with him."

"Buffy, we need to help him."

"How? I don't think therapy's gonna cut it. How can anyone possibly understand?"

"Angel does."

"I don't want Angle anywhere near Spike. Mister One Hundred Years of Brooding Torment would probably nuke Spike's psyche all together."

"Then what do you want to do?" Buffy was becoming increasingly frustrated, almost hysterical.

"I wish I knew! I wish....I wish....that this didn't hurt so much. I haven't had to think about him all summer. Why did he have to come back like this?! I can't yell at him, I can't hit him...I can't make him understand. Why did he have to hurt me...why does this hurt so much?" Dawn came over quickly and held her sister as she broke down. Dawn had an answer for her, but stayed silent. Buffy wasn't ready for the truth.

 

Chapter 9 - Past Life

The following day Buffy didn't have to go into work, therefore over breakfast she formulated a plan. The first order of the day had been a visit to the public library for research. To her surprise there were no records in the newspaper archives responding to a search for the disappearance of Jane Westerberg. There were mentions of her for her academic achievements as well as for her music. Jane was a prodigy with the violin and had prestigious orchestras from all over the world courting her even before she was sixteen. Her father John's family had been among the founders of Sunnydale and through the years had contributed to the construction of most of the town's churches and other sites of note such as hospitals and schools. He still lived in the area.

Lastly, Buffy discovered a few articles from seven years ago about the death of Mrs. Westerberg. Jane would have been only nine years old at the time. Mrs. Pauline Westerberg had been ill for some time and was under the care of a physician. A fall down a flight of stairs had broken the woman's neck. No foul play had been suspected as the young Jane had witnessed her mother trip and fall. There had been no one else in the house at the time.

Buffy's night before had been dreamless, she had barely slept at all in fact. The images of both Spike and Jane intermingled with each other were at the forefront of her mind. There was a connection between the three of them. Jane was calling her from somewhere for help, Spike was tormented and lost and within her reach and Jane was reaching for him too. Buffy reasoned that both she and Spike had been chosen to rescue this girl and the Slayer was bound and determined to see it done. Beside, she was a tried and true Scooby, she wouldn't resist a mystery.

***

The Westerberg estate left Buffy breathless. It was a Spanish Colonial styled house of a rich buttery yellow, a red tiled roof atop three stories surrounded by immaculate grounds. There was a gate barring the entrance to the long palm tree hedged driveway, but she found it was unlocked and without any security present. Leaving the SUV on the road, Buffy walked slowly up the sunlit path towards the house. The ideal scene before her faded when she noticed that all the drapes were drawn closed and the fountains in the garden were empty. There wasn't a soul about, no gardeners and certainly no residents outside. Coming the massive fronts doors Buffy knocked. After a while when no one answered she apprehensively but firmly used the lion head knocker to make her presence known.

She thought she heard sound on the other side just second before the door was hauled open and a large rottweiler lunged for her with jaws snapping. Buffy stumbled back, nearly falling over, terrified by the sudden attack. The dog however was leashed and being controlled from coming further than the doorway. A second figure made itself known, a tall man of perhaps fifty emerged, holding fast to the leather of the leash. He was well kept in earth colored slacks, smart leather shoes and a slate blue button down shirt. He had salt and pepper hair, dark gray eyes and Grecian features, rather handsome all told.

"You shouldn't be on the property, I don't tolerate trespassers," he announced, his dog still growling at Buffy. Wary of the animal, she kept back.

"Are you John Westerberg?"

"I am, what business is it of yours?"

"I'm sorry to be disturbing you. My name is Buffy Summers, I just need a few minutes of your time, please?"

"In case you cannot tell there's nothing you can try to sell me that I probably don't already own. If I don't have it that means I don't want it. Kindly leave."

"I'm not here to sell you anything. I'm here about your daughter." The man's demeanor went quickly from annoyed to stone cold angry.

"Get out of here now! Jane is no business of yours!"

"Please, please let me explain. I think she's in danger..."

"How can you possibly know such a thing?"

"This might be difficult to believe, but I've been having dreams about Jane, dreams where she's begging me to help her."

"More like impossible to believe. I don't know what you're playing at here Miss Summers, but it ends now. I can promise you that I can make you regret this..."

"I'm serious, okay? I don't want money or anything else like that. I've had prophetic dreams before. She's calling out to me to help her."

"Calling? That's not possible."

"No, not exactly, I can't hear her voice, but she's begging me. I can't let this go. I can only imagine how hard it must've been for you since her disappearance..."

"Disappearance? Yes, I suppose that's what you could call it. I know precisely where my daughter is."

"What?!"

"Jane isn't missing, she's been in the same place for over a year now."

"But..."

"She is perfectly safe and sound. Your deception has failed. If you don't leave now I will have the police remove you. Good day." He went to slam the door, pulling the dog back, but Buffy stopped him with her Slayer strength holding the door open.

"Please tell me where Jane is."

"I won't have you disturbing her."

"Is she dead?" He tensed, a creeping sadness overwhelming him.

"Might as well be."

"I promise I won't do anything that will upset you anymore. I need this, please." Buffy's last plea broke through his resolve when he saw the sincerity in her eyes.

"Fernridge Institute." With that he closed the door.

 

Chapter 10 - Reaching

Buffy spent the latter part of the day before Dawn got home from school online tracking down information on the Fernridge institute. It was a mental hospital, established in 1932 and presently under the directions of one Dr. D. Thaddeus. It was situated in a fairly remote location an hour inland from Sunnydale. The situation had Buffy puzzled and the only way to collect more clues to the enigma was to drive out to the place once Dawn had come home from school.

The teenager walked through the door an hour later with a garbage back in her hands."What's all this?" Buffy asked.

"First promise you won't be mad," Dawn replied, trying to put on an aire of innocence.

"I'm thinkin' I already am. Answer the question."

"Spike's stuff, from under the school."

"You went into the caves?! It's dangerous down there. You could have gotten hurt! Or lost!"

"I'm sorry Buffy, but was worried about him. He wasn't even there."

"No?"

"I called for him, told him I was glad he was home, but there was no answer. His stuff, mostly clothes were all over the place, everything's dirty. I'm gonna clean them for him."

"That's really good of you Dawn, I know he'd appreciate it, if he could I mean. No sign of him?"

"I'm sure. Where do you suppose he is?"

"I wish I knew. If Willow...or...or...Tara was here we could do a spell."

"I could try. I've done some small ones before. Tara was teaching me."

"You think you can?"

"Absolutely."

"Good, then once..." The phone rang and Buffy picked up the receiver. The information was imparted to her in ten seconds and she hung it back up."That was Clem, calling from a pay phone, Spike just showed up at the crypt."

***

Buffy ran to the cemetery, her conscious unaware of just how desperate she was to reach him. She burst through the crypt doors just like she used to. Clem, the poor dear, nearly jumped out of his saggy skin and as ever, spilled his snacks on the floor."Oh! Sorry!" she apologized.

"It's okay, I'm getting used to it."

"Where's Spike?"

"Over there." Clem pointed to the kitchen area. In a shadowy corner he crouched, rocking gently, bumping his head against the wall. His eyes were closed and his lips moved as if he were trying to work out a complicated mathematical problem in his head,"He came through the sewers about half an hour ago. He cried for a little while, he's had a really bad nightmare, he called them the Twins. I don't know what it meant. Then he crawled over there and got quiet."

"Thank you for calling me."

"You're welcome. Help him if you can." Buffy was stunned when Clem pulled his trembling lower lip into his mouth to try to stop himself from getting emotional, he turned away quickly."Excuse me."

She approached the vampire very slowly hoping not to startle him. She sat down cross legged in front of Spike, lightly touching his knee. He came out of his trance and looked up at her with bloodshot, watery eyes."Hey," she spoke soothingly.

"I never meant to hurt you," he whispered in a meek little boy voice.

"Shhh...it's okay, it's all in the past, I know you didn't mean to."

"I don't know how to make it right. Too many voices, voices from the dark. They try to pull me through a needle's eye, like I'm an unraveled thread. It won't work, I don't fit, don't fit anywhere, but they keep pulling and it hurts, Buffy. It hurts so much. Mother always took care of us. She'd give us tea with honey, biscuits with creams. She'd kiss my temple, she was so soft, tell me she was proud I was her son, that she loved me no matter what. Mother was waiting for me, she insisted I attended the party, maybe Miss Cecily Addams would be there, she said. I could read her my poems and surely she'd be flattered. William, you're nothing to me, you're beneath me..." He let out a high pitched hysterical giggle,"William the Bloody Awful Poet, skipping down the lane. Good boy? Bad boy? All the sodding same! Is mother still waiting? I wonder. If you see her, tell her I'm sorry I never came home. Number 117 Gloucester Place. Would she still love me now what I'm an abomination? No....no she wouldn't. There will be no more love for William."

"Your mother will never stop loving you. I promise."

"I don't know what happened to her. After Dru took me, I never went back - couldn't let Angelus ever know about her, he'd have done evil, vile things to her. I never wanted to be like him...but I..."

"You're nothing like Angelus." She said it with such conviction that he didn't question her. Having weathered this latest crisis of psyche, Buffy decided to give him something to reach for, helping her to find Jane Westerberg,"Why don't you sit down and get comfy?" Awkwardly he moved his legs out from under him and slumped to the floor. Both were apprehensive when Buffy took his hand in her's, but they each welcomed the kind touch. Buffy likened the moment to when he'd patted her back that night on her porch when she found out about her mother's brain tumor.

"Clem told me you've been having dreams about a lady." He nodded. Buffy reached into her coat pocket and brought out the folded drawing he'd done of Jane and passed it to him. He smiled when he opened it and looked upon it."Is this her?"

"Yes."

"Her name is Jane, she's the same age as Dawn. I've been dreaming about her too."

"She plays music for me, does she for you?"

"No, in my dreams she's trapped somewhere and she's asking me to help her." Spike looked horrified."I found out where she is and I'd like us to go there tonight."

"Me?"

"Yes, I want us to go together. I think this is something we're supposed to do."

"Is someone hurting the lady?"

"I don't know."

"We must help!"

"We will."

"The only time it doesn't hurt is when she plays her music."

"Does it hurt when I hold your hand?"

"Yes....but please don't let go."

 

Chapter 11 - Commitment

Spike slept in the passenger's seat next to Buffy as she drove them out to Fernridge Institute. Buffy had already shared her plans with Dawn, so she wouldn't worry if Buffy was late. One unique piece of information Dawn had shared, which helped explain part of John Westerberg's hostility, was that Jane was a mute. No wonder she was silent in Buffy's dream. Fernridge was indeed remote, the only sign of life along a one hundred mile two lane highway. She could see the building's roof from the road, it was set deep in a nesting forest, but the property was encased behind a ten foot stone wall. There were no gates and the entrance was highlighted with a stone carved sign above an archway.

Passing through to the driveway, Buffy was met by almost spectral looking trees, mostly ash and very old. Coming to the end of the road Buffy nearly laughed at the stereotypical old manor. Surely it at once been someone's home. The mansion was three stories tall and though not colored white she thought it belonged in Gone with the Wind. There were no cars to be seen anywhere near the entrance so she pulled the SUV off to one side. As soon as she turned off the ignition Spike awoke with a jolt, mindlessly clawing at his surroundings.

"Hey, hey, calm down," she soothed, unhooking his seatbelt and letting him move freely.

"Where are the walls? When I open my eyes there should be walls, no air, no light. I'm supposed to be in the box. Buffy?"

"Yeah, it's me. We're here to look for Jane remember?"

"I remember."

"Okay. Now do me a favor, don't say anything, let me do all the talking."

"Quiet as a dormouse. I'll behave, don't want the the cane...strap, paddle, fist."

"There is no cane, Spike."

***

The first impression of the institute's interior was that though it was large, it was welcoming and offering solace. Leather couches lined the entrance, there was plant life in large pots and paintings on the walls. Spike held on the back of her coat like a child in a crowd, shivering slightly, still wearing only a white tank top and thin cargos. She admonished herself for not thinking to at least find him something warmer. There wasn't a spec of dust around, not even on the Corinthian wall sconces of carved cherry wood. The floors were marble and even in soft shoes, the pair made enough noise for an echo. A grandfather clock began chiming somewhere and Spike let out a small yelp and moved away from Buffy against the wall. It was 6pm and suddenly the doors on either side of the lounge burst opened and dozens of people filled the room. The Slayer moved herself in front of the vampire to prevent anyone from touching or upsetting him.

Patients in pajamas and robes, nurses in crisply pressed white uniforms and dark green cardigans, doctors in suits and lab coats all moved about in a melee as they transferred themselves from one room to another. After a few minutes of activity, the doors were closed up again and the silence returned. Standing solitary before them was an African American man of middle age, holding a clipboard against his double breasted suit jacket.

"Are you the arrivals from Sunnydale?" he inquired, checking over his chart,"You're an hour late."

"No, um, no..." Buffy stammered, still a little off from the scene they'd just witnessed. Spike began nervously tearing at the fronds of a fern and Buffy grabbed his hands and held them behind her back to prevent him from continuing.

"Then why are you here?"

"To visit someone."

"Ah...perhaps you're unaware, but our hospital does not permit visitors at such a late hour. I'm afraid you'll have to wait until morning, it's dinner time presently and we don't encourage deviation from routine."

"Please, we've come a very long way."

"Dr. J. Hamilton to Ward Seven. Dr. J. Hamilton to Ward Seven," a woman's voice called over an intercom, her voice seeming as if it seeped from the walls.

"Excuse me, I'm needed." Without a second glance he was off up the stairs at the end of the foyer.

"Well, that went over like the proverbial lead balloon," Buffy grumbled. She fought for balance when Spike suddenly dropped his head on her shoulder and leaned into her,"Spike...what are you doing?"

"Sleep now."

"Spike, now's really not the time, besides you just woke up...we need to check this place out."

"Vanilla, berries and Jasmine...you're so lovely." She closed her eyes, her fingers tightening around his hands, but only for a moment and she pulled away, letting go.

"Jane needs our help." He came out of his daze, holding his hands out.

"Make it quick. Twelve lashes, sharp and fast, that's how Headmaster, Sir, always did it." She softened as he looked away, tilting his gaze upwards in anticipation of a beating. She took his hands again and sighed.

"I'm not going to hurt you."

"Don't understand...you don't want the other, if you don't want me, it must be the first, the pains. I don't understand Buffy. Hurt me so I understand what you want from me."

"I just want your help in finding Jane. Would it be better for you to wait in the car?"

"Pardon me?" a woman's voice called from beside them. Both turned to see the woman, she was very tall and broad, handsome, but certainly not beautiful. She stood perfectly erect with a old 1950s style nurse's bonnet atop her head and orthopedic shoes on her feet. Her hair was so tight on her head it pulled the skin on her face even more taut."Do you belong here?"

"YES!" Spike shouted out, surprising both the nurse and Buffy.

"Are you the new arrival from Sunnydale?"

"That's me...yes, un uh...sign me up, where's m' straight jackey?"

"Are you responsible for this man Miss?"

"Yes, I guess so...listen there's been a mistake," Buffy answered.

"Don't worry, we'll take good care of him here, we're very dedicated, the staff is highly trained. Now, there will be forms to fill out before his medical records have been transferred. Why don't we start with your name..."

"Randy!" Spike blurted out. Buffy pinched the bridge of her nose, she wasn't sure she wanted things to go this way, but it was too late.

"Hello Randy, I'm Nurse Beckett. What's your full name Randy?"

"It's Randall Giles," Buffy answered for him.

"Do you have any bags? We can get you settled into a room."

"We didn't bring anything with us, it was all kind of sudden."

"I understand, that is often the way. And your name miss?"

"Buffy Summers."

"And your relation to Randall?"

"Friend...his er, father is in England, he doesn't have any other family."

"Alright if you'll both follow me..." Nurse Beckett trotted off towards an office, while Spike and Buffy lagged behind.

"Are you out of your mind?!" She asked him.

"Mostly. I will find the lady for you, promise. Go back home to the lil' bit tonight, ol' Spike'll be fine, Slayer."

 

Chapter 12 - Windows to the Soul

Buffy told a very colorful tale to Nurse Beckett. Randy had delusions of being a vampire, Randy drank pig's blood, Randy was terrified of sunlight, and so on and so forth. Spike of course lapped up the spun fantasy, given his over enthusiasm to do good here as well as the fact that it was all true. He was escorted away from her by two burly orderlies, he'd looked over his shoulder at her and she'd seen the fear in his eyes, he didn't want to be here in the least. This charade was all to please her and definitely not for want to be back in her bed, he just wanted to do good. The guilt was not welcome. She promised him she'd be back first thing in the morning.

Spike had a mantra repeated over and over in his fractured mind, Lady Jane, Lady Jane, Lady Jane, find the girl, help Buffy. He focused on the mission, ignored the orderlies pushing him down the upstairs hallway, ignored their questions and when they mocked him. He was shoved into a small bedroom, a towel and other toiletries tossed in with him. They left the door unlocked, but when it was shut and he was alone, he simply cowered on the bed and tried to sleep.

***

There was a knock upon the door before Nurse Beckett came into the Doctor's study. He sat in his Victorian chair surrounded by books and antiquities from all over the world. A Tiffany lamp illuminated the documents he was perusing, wireframe glasses making his eyes appear larger than they were."Dr. Thaddeus, the new patient from Sunnydale has arrived," she informed, quite pleased with herself.

"Excellent. He's late, though, but then these types are never very predictable. Has the girl left?"

"Yes, but she's coming back first thing in the morning."

"Ah, well, then we'll just wait until she's gone tomorrow. Thank you, Nurse Beckett, you can leave now."

"Yes Doctor." Reclining back in his chair, the doctor stretched his arm out to his side, and flicked over the knight on the chess board situated atop a table.

"Excellent indeed."

***

"NURSE?! NURSE??!!!" a young man screamed.

"NO! I don't wanna take a bath!!" another cried.

"Ah! Ah! AH!!!" Was that a man? Or an animal?

"No, no, not helpful, hardly helpful. Where's our quiet?" Spike muttered to himself, the pillow from the bed over his head as he tried to block out the noise. He'd slept for many hours, but woke when the most recent nightmare reached its climax and he came to screaming like the poor souls on the other side of his door."I'll wait here for days longer...till she comes to wash my sins away. She is the lady that can ease my sorrow, that helps me find my way....must help the girl. Help the girl. Help the girl. Help my girl, help Buffy. Must wait, wait till quiet time. There's no sleep today, I can't pretend...all my dreams are crimes...can't stand facing them. No one will come to wash away my sins, fix my meals, be my friend. No cure now...it's stuck in here...they're both stuck...gotta pull it together, work together. Come on lads...gotta go see about a girl." He came out from under the covers, tossing the pillow back behind him as he rose to his feet."Right, Spike, this one's on you." He stalked to the door, yarded it open and was met by a man twice his size in girth and a good foot taller, dressed down with a robe over his shoulders. He glowered at Spike and the vampire slammed his door shut, sinking to the ground."Maybe later."

***

Later came close on 3am, when the institute was finally quiet."In the wooden chair beside my window I wear a face born in the falling rain. I talk to shadows from a lonely candle. Recite the phrases from the wall. I can't explain this...Holy pain...well, I probably could, but I just can't be bothered," Spike ruminated to the room,"Got a mission in mind, a purpose, got a lady to save...bloody hell - first time we've said bloody hell since we came together. How's it feel? Pretty good...." He opened his door to the dimly lit hallway, for the first time giving it a perusal. It was very similar to the downstairs, but lined with doors,"Alice down the rabbit hole then is it? Do you remember your lesson? Of course! Recite! How doth the little busy bee...No, pillock, the other. 'You are old father William,' the young man cried,'The few locks which are left you are grey; You hale, father William, a hearty old man; Now tell me the reason I pray.'..should I go on? Quiet now, finding the girl..."

He inched carefully down the corridors, peeking into rooms where the doors were unlocked, seeing other men like himself, but no sign of the lady. He slithered down the stairs on his tummy to the second floor like a serpent needling through blades of grass. He could tell this was where the women slept, perfumes and distinct scents permeated the air, it reminded him of the lingering scent of Buffy from earlier that evening. He was compelled to stand up straight like a proper gentleman, show the ladies his respect. Most of the rooms were locked from the inside, not bolted with locks on the outside like most of the rooms one flight up. A cool breeze tickled his ankles and sent shivers over his skin. It came from a room straight ahead, its door ajar. He slipped inside and closed the it behind him.

She sat in a chair at an open window, her white nightgown hardly warm enough. Spike retrieved a blanket from her bed and lay it over her before kneeling down to look up at her expressionless face and eyes that though were wide open, saw nothing."Knock knock little bird, tic tock...anyone home? The cuckoo's on the twelve, time to come out and play," he sing songed,"Are you in there, love? Are you...oh......no...no.......no......." When he looked into her eyes he saw inside her, saw what they'd done to her soul.

 

Chapter 13 - Inmate

By morning, Spike was back in his room, huddled under the thin quilt in a fetal position on the bed. The door to his room was opened and nurse Beckett came in followed by an orderly."Randall, it's morning. Time to get up.." She proclaimed, going to open his curtains.

"No! Keep them shut! Please!" Spike begged the moment he woke up.

"Oh yes, that's right, Miss Summers told me about your aversion to sunlight. It's alright this one time, but you know the sun can't really hurt you."

"Easy for you to say!"

"Perhaps so. You are scheduled for your first meeting with Dr. Hamilton in ten minutes. You may have a shower afterwards before breakfast. There will be fresh clothing provided, the same as all the other patients."

***

Buffy waited nervously in the foyer of the institute. Dawn was lounging on one of the couches, still grumbling about having to get up early on a Saturday morning. Visiting hours were from 9am-3pm and Buffy wanted to be there before nine. On the flipside, despite her minor complaints, it had been Dawn's idea to bring Spike things from home, all nicely packed in a knapsack.

"Miss Summers?" Nurse Beckett called, emerging from an office into the entrance hall,"Good morning."

"Hello again. This is my sister, Dawn. We'd like to see Randy."

"I'm afraid that's not possible."

"Excuse me? Why the hell not?"

"He's still in his morning session with the doctor."

"Oh...sorry..."

"I understand how apprehensive you were to leave Randall here last night. Would you like to wait in his room?"

"Yes, thanks." The Nurse led the Summers sisters up two flights of stairs to the men's ward. There was a distinctly uneasiness to the institution, but Buffy surmised it was the notion of displaced minds and poor souls separated from their families that bothered her. Spike was one of them now. Dawn carried the knapsack, but also gripped the back of Buffy's shirt, just as Spike had yesterday. His room consisted of one unmade bed against a wall in a space of 8'x8', a beside table with drawers, a lamp and a chair. It looked more like a cell than a bedroom.

"Is it just me," Dawn asked as she straightened the bed,"Or is this place giving off a serious Hammer Horror vibe? Like where's Christopher Lee hiding?"

"It's not you, definite wiggins." There was a hurried scuffling sound outside the door before it was opened and Spike dressed in ugly pale green pajamas stumbled into the room, barely managing to stay on his feet. Behind him Buffy heard two men laughing. Stepping into view the Slayer gave two oversized orderlies her most menacing glare, followed up by Dawn and her I'm a hair puller, just try me look.

"There was a ripple in the carpet, he tripped," one of them sputtered out as an explanation.

"Is there a law or something that they can only hire degenerate bullies to take care of patients?"

"We're highly trained professionals, ma'am."

"Professional whats? Stay away from Randy or else!" With that parting comment she slammed the door in their faces. Spike moved towards his bed, unnoticing of either of his visitors. He curled himself into a small ball, dark circles under his eyes, face gaunt and ashen.

"Have you ever thought that the night could be hungry? Like it wants to eat you up? The night devours you here..." he spoke aloud, just as his haunted eyes fell upon Buffy,"It's quiet, the place she has gone. Not like me, there's noise where I am....but she doesn't hear the noises, they've put her in a box."

"You found Jane?" He nodded, then pointed to the floor.

"Right below."

"Is she okay?"

'She is quiet, does not see, hear nor speak. No sleep for Jane, trapped in the box."

"What kind of box? Is she in a cage or something?"

"Tiny space, little star on the black sky, deep inside her head."

"Buffy," Dawn whispered at her sister's side,"Look at him." Buffy followed Dawn's line of sight to the darkened purple bruises on Spike's arms, he'd obviously been manhandled.

"Spike are you alright? Your arms..." Buffy inquired, sitting down on the bed with him, her fingers touching him lightly,"How did you get these bruises.

"It's nothing. Told them I didn't want their runny eggs and cold toast. Stupid wankers. Don't they know vampires need only blood?"

"So they hurt you?"

"Could'a had 'em in a fair fight...but can't, chip...and, and I knew you wouldn't like it. Have I done what you needed of me? Did I do well Buffy?"

"Yeah, Spike, you did good."

"Ah! Ah! In here it's Randy. Vampire with a soul, on a mission of redemption! Right Joan?" He sat up and gave her a wink and a smile.

"Right. Randy, you remember my sister Umad?" Finally he saw the other girl.

"Nibblet?" He was astonished to see her, even a little frightened.

"Hey," she replied, giving him a little wave,"Got a soul huh? How's that going?"

"Perpetual unbridled torment."

"Oh...um..." Unable to answer, she delved into the knapsack to show him what they'd brought from home,"Hungry? 'Cause we've got fresh piggy! That sounded less cute outside of my head." She brought out a thermos and handed it to him,"Eat up. It's warm."

"Thank you..." He gulped down the entire contents immediately, then gave Dawn a bright smile,"Don't know where the Chief's gotten to...hope he doesn't miss the fishing trip later. Care for some Juicy Fruit?"

"Uh....no thanks and you're welcome. We brought other stuff too, namely clean clothes...'cause those things you've got on right now are just...you look like a Gump...no offense." She also brought out her portable CD player and a selection of punk favorites, her book of Shakespearean sonnets, a sketchpad and pencils, and a photograph of her and Buffy. Lastly she pulled out what had taken up the bulk of the sack's space. It was a simple patchwork quilt. It was passed first to Buffy who in turn wrapped it around Spike's shoulders."We figured you wouldn't be so lonely if you had something from us...it used to be..."

"Joyce," he completed,"It still smells like her...her kindness. May I ask, why? Why all this for me?"

"Because we care and you here to help Jane," Buffy explained, she then leaned in to speak softly in his ear,"I told you I forgave you and I meant it. I care about you, William." He was beginning to crumble and she worried it might unravel him. Her fingers stroked his arm and he calmed,"What else can you tell about last night?" He pulled the blanket up around his ears and lay his head on Buffy's shoulder.

"There is evil here that does not sleep. I feel it in the walls, smell it in the air...something's coming."

 

Chapter 14 - The Chalice

Spike said nothing else that morning and fell asleep on Buffy's shoulder. They made him comfortable, and feeling a swell of emotion, Buffy kissed him. He licked his lips and continued sleeping. She'd made the decision to return that night after taking Dawn home, she wanted to see Jane Westerberg for herself, sneaking into the institution was a likely must. She was also not going to abandon Spike to some evil that does not sleep.

Coming down the stairs with Dawn in tow they were met in the foyer by Dr. Hamilton, from the previous night."Hello ladies, I'm Dr. Jacob Hamilton, I've taken over the case of Mr. Randall Giles. I'd like to discuss it with you if I may."

"By all means, I have a few concerns myself," Buffy answered."Nurse Beckett said you had a meeting with him this morning?"

"We did indeed and frankly Miss, my conclusion is grave. Randall suffers from paranoid delusions, he hears voices and there's also the issue of self-mutilation. I'm surprised he hasn't been put under care sooner."

"He only got this way this past summer."

"Indeed, well, I can tell you, as you may know, that he has spun himself a very intricate web. He claims to be 145 years old and a vampire. He divulged to me carefully crafted tales of his life in London, his time with three other 'vampires' named Angelus, Darla and Drusilla...we only got as far as the early 20th century. I'm recommending to the State that Randall be given indefinite institutionalization, a full course of medications to stabilize him, and daily therapy sessions. We'll also be weaning him of his apparent taste for blood, gradually exposing him to sunlight..."

"God, no! Doctor...the sun..he's, he's terrified of it. It really does burn him...it's that disease..."

’’Xeroderma Pigmentosum?"

"Yes! That's it. Doctor, don't rush him."

"The sooner we begin treatment, the sooner he can be cured."

"Just wait, please, let him get comfortable..." The doctor sighed and nodded.

"We'll wait a few days, let him get settled in. I presumed you'll be visiting again tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"I'll see you then. I will however be giving him sedatives at night to help him sleep. The details he shared with me of his nightmares are, to be honest the most horrific I've heard of in all my years of practice. Whatever trauma this poor boy has been through I'm amazed he hasn't induced himself into catatonia just to escape." Shaking his head, the doctor left them. Dawn was frightened, as was Buffy, as long as Spike stayed here he was in danger.

***

It was late afternoon when the vampire came out of his restful slumber. He realized for once, he hadn't had a nightmare . It had been a dreamless sleep, a contented sleep. There were other placating realizations. He inhaled deeply, the combined scents of Buffy, Dawn and Joyce were wrapped around him, comforting him. Buffy's kiss lingered on his lips, her sweet taste more nourishing that the blood they'd brought him. He picked up the unframed photograph and held it to his chest, snuggling under Joyce's quilt.

He also knew however that all was no going well for him, very little in fact. With Buffy's true forgiveness of him he could dies a blessed man. However death was not an option, nor was inaction, if he could rescue Jane he'd allow himself to believe his own redemption possible. He sat quietly on the bed admiring the photograph of his girls and would do so until all was quiet again and he could carry out his plan.

***

It was almost 5pm and Buffy was preparing to return to the Fernridge Institute. She'd changed into black clothing complete with her favorite kicking boots, which where also perfect for concealing weapons. Dawn watched with a heavy heart as her sister rummaged through her weapons chest. Spike wasn't Spike anymore. With his soul restored he was like a child, innocent and frightened, looking to be protected. He was submerged under the burden of guilt from a century of murders. Dawn thought somehow that the three unfortunate minutes in the bathroom with Buffy tore him apart more than all the other crimes combined. Dawn had worked through her anger at her once best friend, threatening all summer that the first time she saw him she was going to stake him. Now she just wanted him home and safe.

There came an unexpected and desperate knock to the front door. The sisters exchanged perplexed looks and Buffy went to answer it. She found Clem waiting on the other side looking rather worse for wear."Clem?" Buffy questioned.

"Something's happened to him!" the wrinkly demon blurt out,"I've looked everywhere! If I'm not there when he wakes up he goes into terrible fits, he hurts himself..."

"Clem, it's okay. I know where Spike is." Clem nearly passed out with relief,"Something strange is happening and Spike is helping me."

"Oh...oh...well I guess it's okay then. Helping you makes him happy, but where is he?"

"There's a mental institution an hour's drive from here, out in the middle of nowhere...there are these ash trees..."

"OH MY GOD! You left Spike at the Gaudium Chalice?!?!?!"

"The what?!"

 

Chapter 15 - Belly of the Beast

"Omigod...omigod...omigod...." Clem stammered.

"Clem you're scaring me! What is the Gaudium Chalice?!"

"Uh..."

"CLEMENT!!" She grabbed him by his jacket and hauled him inside the house.

"Okay! Okay! Think of it as the Hellmouth's little sister...a mini mouth."

"There's another Hellmouth?! How come I don't know about this?"

"I dunno, how do you know usually?"

"Spike told me all the local demony stuff when he found it out."

"It's kinda just an old local legend, like a haunted house. Spike didn't grow up in Sunnydale like me, so he probably never heard of it."

"So tell us this legend already," Dawn insisted,"Is Spike in danger?"

"Oh, totally....sorry. In the 1920s there was this cult, made up of humans and demons who worshipped The Gaud. They tried to resurrect it, but the Slayer at the time came to town and stopped them. The breach between this world and hell wasn't sealed completely so they built the house over it. If you go down into the basement you could probably find the opening."

"If I had any idea...." Buffy breathed,"I never would have left him there, never. Clem, what did the Gaud worshippers do besides try to raise up the demon?"

"Um, mostly blood rituals, virgin sacrifces...oh...oh no...s...soul harvesting. They took people's souls. Spike's soul!!"

"Baby, don't let them get my soul, I got it for you..."

***

He'd refused to go down to dinner and when the orderlies insisted he'd fought against them with all his might from being dragged from his room. Naturally as they were only human, the vampire's strength won out. But that didn't stop them from beating upon the patient who wouldn't fight back. After sufficiently busting up his face and cracking his ribs they'd left him on the floor of his room moaning in pain.

Shortly after he got himself up, mentally pushing aside the pain. They'd locked him in his room, but he'd easily be able to break out. He took off his clothes and changed into a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. He felt ready for battle. He folded Joyce's quilt and slung it over his arm and put the picture of Dawn and Buffy in his back pocket. He listened at the door to make certain no one was in the hall before breaking the door knob and pushing off the bolt that held him in. He moved amazingly quick, tuning in with his demon's physical attributes. He'd find the lady again and take her from this horrible place. Spike was certain, despite evidence to the contrary, that he was being watched. He dared not touch the walls for fear they'd come alive and devour him.

Jane was precisely the same as the previous night. Still innocent and silent, sitting as a queen upon a throne."G'evenin' m'lady, shall we go walk about in your garden?" He'd put on his best gentlemanly aire. He rolled out Joyce's quilt on the bed, not concerned with noticing how finely decorated the room was and that she had quilts of her own. He effortlessly lifted her out of her chair, she was as light as a ghost. He wrapped her up snugly before scooping her up in his arms,"Not to worry, pet, you'll be safe now that Spike's got you." They exited the room and he took off in a run. He thought he'd get her back to his room and leap out the window, unfortunately in his desperation to rescue the firl he chose a poor time in which to get it done.

Someone must have been watching him. Possibly as many as twelve staff members were storming up the stairs. He made to run, but he was tackled from behind by another who'd come out of a bedroom. Jane tumbled from his arms when the orderlies descended upon him and Spike felt his instincts flare and he demon come alive. The five or so men who were trying to pin him down were thrown off and the vampire in full game face raged before them. One of the men that had beat him earlier stepped up to the challenge and Spike smashed his face in with his fist. For a split second he felt triumphant and vindicated and the the chip fired in his skull. He howled in ungodly pain, arching back and into the the wall.

From then on the remembered being thrown on the ground and bodily restrained. New points of pain burned as needle after needle was jabbed into his arms and neck, injecting him full of unknown substances. Briefly he caught a flash of of Nurse Beckett standing over him.

"I think this is a matter for Dr. Thaddeus," she announced.

 

Chapter 16 - To the Rescue

Clem reasoned that taking Spike's old DeSoto was a better vehicle to sneak up on Fernridge - with it being black. There was that, and the fact that Clem so much as told Buffy he was driving. Suddenly there were cultists, soul eaters, another gateway to hell and one relatively helpless, insane vampire with a soul trapped at their mercy. The Buffy Guilt Train had left the proverbial station.

Over the years the Slayer had run the gamut of allies, Spike included, but she'd never have predicted Clem. The wrinkle skinned demon was unassuming and good natured, Buffy doubted that besides the kitten thing that he had a malicious bone in his body. However she was rethinking that opinion as she watched him speed them to the Fernridge Institute. He looked resolute, perhaps also angry, definitely fearful for their mutual friend.

"Clem, can I ask you something?" Buffy spoke up, breaking the tension that permeated the air.

"Sure Slayer."

"When did you and Spike meet?"

"Oh, um, almost two years ago, I guess. It was at a poker game. He'd only been chipped a few months and was still adjusting. We didn't become real friends until after....after you died that one time. He needed someone to talk to and I'm a good listener, so there yah go."

"Did he ever talk about me?"

"You're pretty much all he ever talks about. No details or anything, just about how cool you'd taken down a vamp one night, or how pretty you looked, but sometimes he wouldn't talk at all. He'd be quiet for a long time, then just say something about how you were upset and he wasn't able to help. That's when he usually needed me to give him a pep talk. He has this inferiority complex."

"Can't say I've ever thought that about him."

"Compared to you it's got logic. You're the ultimate good and he was trying to live up to your standards, pretty impossible for a vampire - but he did his best you know?"

"Yeah, I know he does, and he never stops trying, never gives up."

"That's just Spike for you."

"Yeah, all for me..." Her voice trailed off and she felt unexpected tears welling up. Everything about Spike was all for her, and the knowledge of it was shattering her heart into a million pieces."Clement? I apologize for all the times you had to see my abuse of Spike. I'm sorry you've had to deal with my messes. I'm sorry I hurt your friend."

"The best you can do is to make sure Spike knows that. He loves you very much. I just want him to be happy. If you can make him happy, there's no need for apologies." Quickly Buffy leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek, making him blush furiously.

"Thank you for taking such good care of him...but I'd like to have that job now if I can."

"Absolutely."

***

Clem turned off the headlights and cut the engine before they reached the building, gently letting the car roll into an alcove made from the surrounding bushes. He and Buffy had devised a plan, he would check around the grounds while she went inside. It was a little after the nine at this point, hopefully things would be winding down for the evening and the patients would mostly be in their rooms, the staff heading home.

She avoided the front door and crawled in through an unlocked window. She found herself in the kitchen, it was cold and industrial, even more so than a cafeteria. She doubted they had a flowering onion on the menu. She couldn't hear anyone about outside the doors, so she stealthily snuck out and down the hallway. One way she could guess led to the foyer, the other lead to a set of stairs. It was a risk to climb them, knowing that if someone came up or down she'd be caught with nowhere to run or hide. If worse came to worse she'd just knock them out.

Her footfalls on the steps echoed and she cringed, but she was resolute to find her vampire and their young charge and get them the hell away. She'd worry about the whole Gaudium Chalice another time. After climbing one flight she found a door, surmising it must lead into the women's ward. She came eventually to another door, the floor Spike was on. The stairs continued on upwards, and her curiosity was piqued, but Spike was more important right now. She came on to the second floor ward at the end of the hallway, a long oriental rug laying before her down the hall towards a convergence point. It reminded her of a those perspective drawings of railway tracks. As she moved down the length, keeping mindful of where she remembered Spike's room to be. The occasional random yelp or cry from a patient behind a closed door made her halt for a moment. The sounds were disturbing.

She finally came to Spike's room and ducked inside quickly. She flipped on the light and turned, her mouth open and ready to speak, but she fell stone cold silent by what she saw. It was as if no one had ever been here. The bed was made with crisp hospital corners and military precision. The room smelled of disinfectant and other cleaning agents and it was immaculate. She felt her heart seize in her chest. This was very wrong.

She had to think fast, if any more time was wasted Clem would get worried and maybe do something stupid. Spike had said that Jane was right below, maybe he was with Jane again. She opened the door and then stopped short, coming face to face with the ominous Nurse Beckett.

 

Chapter 17 - Denied

"Miss Summers. This is unexpected," Nurse Beckett said, her voice scratched with icicles. Buffy gasped, trying desperately to recover her composure from being taken by surprise.

"Ra...Randy. Where's Randy??" she sputtered, slowly grounding herself.

"I think the appropriate question at this time is why are you here? Visiting hours were closed a long time past, there is no reason for you to be in this room."

"This is Randy's room and I want to see him. Now." Buffy pulled herself up tall, hardening her demeanor and staring across at Nurse Beckett. The other woman didn't flinch.

"Randall is under observation at this time and cannot be seen by anyone who might deter him from his recovery."

"You tell me where he is or I'll bring this whole house down looking for him." Nurse Beckett gave a nod and then spun around on her heels and began marching down the hall. Bewildered and confused, Buffy followed quickly after. The Nurse ignored the Slayer and continued on walking at determined gate until she reached the main staircase and continued upwards. A few strides from the top of of the stairs Nurse Beckett stopped, knocking twice on a door and then opening it and leaving Buffy, returning to her duties.

The Slayer was certain she was ready for whatever was in the room, but she was not expecting to find what was laid out before her. The office reminded her very much of any space that Giles had occupied. Bookshelves laden with old volumes lined the walls. Artifacts, deities, obscure objects d'art and even a potted fern. Behind a black lacquer and cherrywood desk, complete with a Tiffany lamp, sat a small and studious looking older man."You're Randall's friend aren't you?" he asked, blinking his eyes in a rapid succession before moving his wireframe glasses and giving them a clean with his handkerchief."Pleased to meet you, I am Dr. Thaddeus."

"Buffy....Buffy Summers."

"I know who you are, Miss Summers, know quite a bit actually. Randall's spoke of you. Please sit down." Buffy moved inside the room, but chose not to sit down. The doctor paid it no mind."You are quite a fixation with him."

"We're kind of fixated on each other. I'd like to see him."

"He is under our care now, Miss Summers. Randall has taken a turn for the worst, there was an incident last night and we've had to move him to our intensive care." Buffy could feel the tension in her face, it took all over her control not to go ballistic.

"Where is he?"

"As I said, in our care. With all due respect, Miss, he signed himself in and as you're not a family member or his wife, we can dictate whether or not you get to visit. We feel that it is in Randall's best interest that he be alone at this time, alone to concentrate on his recovery. We care about Randy."

"No one cares more about him than I do."

"Irrelevant." Buffy turned quickly, the two orderlies who had beat up Spike appeared behind her."If you'll excuse me, I have paperwork."

"I'm not leaving this place until I see..." Dr. Thaddeus got to his feet, he looked fragile and emaciated, but none less devious.

"You have no legal standing in this matter. I suggest you do not return, especially unannounced and after hours."

"But..."

"Goodnight." One of the men was about to touch her, but she pushed it away with such force she sprained his wrist. He glared back at her. They followed her down the stairs, keeping their distance. Once she was outside and the institute had closed up its doors for the night, Buffy let out a fierce growl and landed her fist against a stone lion that sat out front of the house, splitting it. She gave herself a few moments to calm down, laying out her next course of action in her mind. Find Clem, regroup, break back in, find Spike, simple.

She heard a scream in the distance, then growls and snarls, and then the same person screamed again. Clem. Buffy dove into the thick of the forest, blindly weaving in and around trees and bushes, following the sounds of Clement's cries for help. She burst on to the scene of Clem with his back to a tree, holding out a club of wood, fending off three large hounds. They were massive, larger than mastiffs, with haunched shoulders and ragged black fur, eyes glowing like rubies and mouths lined in two rows of fangs. Buffy pulled out the six inch blade she had hidden in her boot and advanced cautiously.

She grabbed one by the scruff of the neck, pulled it back and slit its throat in one fluid motion, immediately drawing the attention of the other two."CLEM! RUN!" Buffy ordered. Scampering off like his feet were on fire, Clem made for the direction of the DeSoto. Buffy meanwhile was already slipping into her full on Slayer mode and reading herself for a fight. As the two beasts leapt for her, she dove and rolled under them to where Clem had been, picking up the branch he'd let fall. She knocked both across their skulls, stunning them enough to make a break for it herself.

The hell hounds were biting at her heels when she dove into the open passenger's side door of the moving vehicle, Clem back behind the wheel. He sped them down the driveway and away from Fernridge. Unfortunately, also away from Spike and Jane."Cer...Cerberus demons...hell dogs," Clem heaved,"There's probably more, they travel in large packs." Buffy put her head between her knees, trying to compose herself and come down from the adrenaline rush."We have to go back for Spike."

"I know."

"What are we going to do?!"

"I don't know."

"You're the Slayer, this is your job, come up with something!"

"I don't know! I can't think..."

"If you don't he's gonna die in there!"

"Clem, don't say that, he's not going to die. He's not..."

"We need help."

"Then I'll get us help."

"What kind of help?"

"My kind of help."

 

Chapter 18 - Enemy Revealed

Buffy found it interesting that the music from a single violin could encompass her entire existence. Just like Atlas could hold the world on his shoulders, the music held on to her soul, lifted her up. The atrium in which she sat in audience to Jane's solo concert was filled with glorious sunlight, everything was warm and bright. The air had a sweet freshness to it, fragrant like the flowers that surrounded them. There was an empty chair next to the one Buffy was seated in. It was the height of the day, but she was pleased to be wearing an evening gown of midnight blue, accented by randomly sewn on tear drop crystals.

"Effulgent, that is the word I would use to describe your beauty," he spoke. Buffy looked away from Jane and up at Spike standing at her side,"Your radiance astounds me, my love."

"You're being silly, and again with the defying of the vampness. It's sunny, Spike."

"I'm in love with you, I'll take the risk. I'm a good man, you know?"
 

"I'm learning." He took his seat next to her, dressed to match her in a dark suit.

"It all seems less complicated here doesn't it? Like all the bloody evils we face in the world have just shut themselves up so we can have this moment together. The music is what does it."

"I makes me forget that I'm the Slayer, that you're a vampire..." She reached over and took his hand in hers,"It's just you and me, together." The music played on, but Jane had put down her instrument and began to walk away, back into the main part of the house. Spike stood too, pulling Buffy up with him.

"Come, pet, it's time. Time to see what we've come here to see."

"What is it?"

"Just follow..." Wrapping her arm around Spike's, she was led from the atrium, through the conservatory and back into the house. Eventually they came to the foyer. Jane was nine years old again, perfectly innocent, unknowing of the dark descent she was soon to set to journey upon. The three of them waited at the bottom of the grand staircase.

"Spike?"

"Shhh, just wait, any second now..." He stepped inched closer to Buffy and away from Jane. The moment shifted and Buffy felt the pressure of the atmosphere around her compress. She clung to the vampire, sensing that he was equally as nervous."We have to see this, she needs us to see this. This is why she's been calling..."

There was a woman at the top of the stairs, a perfect copy of what Jane would no doubt be when she grew to adulthood."Jane, sweety," she called down to the child,"It's time for bed."

"Mommy?" Jane replied, her voice trembling with fear,"Mommy, who..." There were screams, loud, shrilling screams that could only come from women. The kind of screams that would make any man want to die. Buffy's scream was the first to die away, and then she was gone from the dream place. Spike remained, serving as second witness to Pauline Westerberg's murder. He observed, stoic, as the mother was pushed from behind. He didn't move as the woman flailed and reaching in vain to grab for the bannister or the carpet in an effort to stop her momentum. She rolled once, and then again, the second time her neck snapped like a tree branch in a wind storm and sounded just as sharp and loud. Pauline's screams were the second to cease. Her dead body staggered the rest of the way down.

Jane's scream was raw and primal, her eyes torturously focused upon the demon standing where her mother had been seconds before. The child's scream was the last sound her voice would ever make.

***

"Wakey, wakey, vampire," a voice summoned him. It oozed into Spike's ears like thin milk. It wasn't that the vampire had opened his as as he woke from his dream, his wide staring eyes had simply focused themselves. The obscenely bright fluorescent lights overhead stung his retinas, he was fixed on them. In the peripheral of his vision he could sense people moving about. The voice that had roused Spike from the nightmare began speaking again as he moved into view."I could smell the soul on you the moment you walked into the house." It was the same large liquid eyes and same lizard smile from in the dream - the same from on top of Glory's tower.

It was Doc.

***

Buffy was wakened by the sound of her own scream. She was still in the same spot in the living room where she'd fallen asleep after calling Giles. Her stomach felt like it was coiled in knots and she thought she might be sick. Jane's mother had been murdered by someone, though Buffy couldn't remember the face in the dream. However, there was also a more urgent panic overwhelming her,"Spike...." He was hers, the vampire, it didn't matter what her head told her about their past, he was hers. She knew he was scared, she knew he needed her, now.

 

Chapter 19 - The Innocent

"I must say, Mister vampire, you are unique among your kind. I've never forgotten your misguided and exceptionally pathetic heroics on top of that tower. Earning a soul, that's an original. I'm sure you must have a few well chosen phrases you'd like to impart to me?" Doc waited, just long enough for Spike to realize that he could neither move nor speak, that he was utterly paralyzed. He was unbound, laying on a bed in a white room. His clothes were gone and he'd been put into the bottoms of hospital pajamas. He was cold, hungry and scared.

"Is he awake Doctor Thaddeus?" Nurse Beckett asked.

"He's awake."

"How can you tell?"

"I know, it's a sense. I want him awake."

"I've never seen a real vampire before, is he dangerous?" Doc walked over to an IV bag that was suspended next to the immobilized vampire, the tube of which ended at the needle embedded in Spike's vein. He adjusted the drip, increasing the flow.

"No, as long as the medication runs constant he'll never move again, but he can hear us, see us."

"I wish we had some holy water, I've been meaning to practice my tole painting techniques and he is a lovely white canvas."

"Unfortunately we haven't much time left and many preparations to make. You two can play peek-a-boo with the sunshine and the curtain until I'm ready. The window over there has an eastern exposure, but whatever you do, be careful, I don't want him made into dust. I have plans for this one."

"Goody, goody..."

***
 

There would be time for welcome homes and catching up another day. Willow and Giles arrived at the Sunnydale airport late that afternoon. Buffy tried to behave very down to business, but ended up embracing the two prodigal Scoobies for almost ten minutes in he terminal. Mercifully Xander had come with her, barely understanding the full scope of the situation, but he had offered to drive. This left Buffy able to unburden herself of the week's past events with Jane and Spike.

During last night's hurried conversation on the phone with Giles, Buffy had asked him to gather some information for her based on what Spike had told her of his past during his insane ramblings - Cecily Addams, London 1880, Number 117 Gloucester Place. The car ride had so far been silent in the back seat, Willow and Xander immersed in their own conversation up front. Giles was deep in thought, the revelation about Spike earning his soul and his consequent mental imbalance must have sent the man's mind spinning into all sorts of Watcher minded panics. He was still waiting on the Council to upload the information they had on the Gaudium Chalice to a secure site. The man who at one time abhorred the very concept of digitization now acted as if his laptop were attached to his hip.

However, the information he'd gathered on William was presented to Buffy in a folder. William James Suffolk was born to Arthur and Margaret in London on July 9th, 1858 and went mysteriously missing in the summer of 1880. Amongst the papers were photocopies of pages writing in an immaculate feminine hand, they'd been labeled as entries from Miss Addams' diary.

I should feel sorry for him, but does one feel pity for the insect who unwittingly is crushed under our feet? Certainly not. William Suffolk is kindly enough, well mannered and may have a pleasant face, but what he owns in in grace he is sorely lacking in stature. His family's position is below my own, several grades below. Therefore the attentions he insists on showering upon me are a nuisance rather than flattery.

This evening's party at Lord Meltchett's London residence was especially painful. William may as well have spouted his awful poetry about me before the entire gathering like a town crier! It was severe enough a trial to sit politely and endure his declarations of love in the seclusion of the setae at the edge of the parlor.

How could sad little William possibly fathom that I would ever reciprocate his affections? I'm in doubt that he would even know what to do with a woman. Lords Percy and Meltchett often comment in private that....

"Bitch," Buffy grumbled.

"Pardon?" asked Giles.

"Did you read these?" He looked down at the papers and smiled just a little.

"Yes, surprising isn't it? Never in my wildest imagination did I picture this version of William."

"He's tried to tell me you know? That he was good. I'm beginning to understand him now, the soul and the demon and how they're fighting each other and trying to coexist. It's no wonder he can't cope, but he's trying."

"I'll admit that I'm eager to sit down and talk with him. He's the first vampire to ever reclaim his soul, it's so remarkable I can barely comprehend the scope of what this means...philosophically, theologically..."

"Right now, Giles, he's being held prisoner and he's helpless. There's also a girl who's been reaching out to us both in our dreams to solve her mother's murder and get her out too. We can explore the significance of another ensouled vampire when he's home safe."

"Home safe?" Buffy frowned, there wasn't an answer she could give that would explain just what she was feeling, she wasn't sure herself.

"Whatever...I just want him out of there. William, he's so..."

"William is innocent. By all that I was able to find out his past, I'd say he's as untried in the world as they come. He was studious, pious, took care of his mother. He was a romantic, idealistic young boy, undoubtedly a virgin also. William's an innocent and as the Slayer you know it is your responsibility to save him." Their conversation was interrupted by Xander letting out a loud guffaw. All of them, including Willow looked at him in confusion."Something you'd like to share Xander?"

"Oh come on, Spike - an innocent virgin? Was that before or after he slaughtered half of Europe?" Giles instinctively placed a hand on Buffy's forearm, grounding her.

"I suggest, Xander that you continue driving and don't say another word."

"Giles, come on..." Willow gave Xander a pointed look and he shut up, rolling his eyes, but taking Giles' advice.

"Thank you," Buffy mouthed, wiping a tear from her eye before bending down to continue reading. As an innocent, like Jane, Buffy was obligated to rescue William, but both she and apparantly Giles knew, that she also had a responsibility to the demon who loved her as much as the man seemed to. Spike deserved her best and she was resolute that he would get nothing less.

 

Chapter 20 - Torment

The Sunnydale airport was in the opposite direction of where Fernridge was situated, therefore it would be dark before they could reach the secluded institution. This upset Buffy immensely, she was on edge because of not knowing Spike's present fate, but moreso because of the emotions those thoughts stirred inside her. When she thought about Spike, in her mind putting aside the present danger, she simply wanted to bring him into her home and take care of him. This circle of thought was unshakable, but it left her with a peace knowing that in her heart, she really truly had forgiven him his trespasses. But none of her good intentions would mean a thing if he found his end at Fernridge. That was something she could not endure.

After they arrived at the Summers home the Scoobies convened their first true meeting since before they faced Glory in the final showdown. Anya joined them too, her knowledge of demons valuable as ever, as well as Clem, who was as passionate as Buffy about seeing to Spike's welfare. Giles busied himself with hooking up his computer and checking the Watcher archive, whilst Willow and Dawn shared an awkward reacquaintance. Buffy meanwhile looked absently through her weapons chest in hopes something would come to mind about how to rescue the innocents from the institution. Clem informed them of what he knew about Cerberus demon dogs, and Anya confirmed. The beasts were summoned up from the lower parts of hell to serve as sentinels, tireless guardians around a designated perimeter. Like with most demons, the night was their time of power and they hid themselves during the day. This made sneaking back on to the property decidedly difficult to accomplish at night. They often roamed in numbers close on two dozen. In frustration, Buffy slammed the lid to the chest closed, starling everyone.

"Sorry," she apologized,"This is hard."

"We understand," Giles replied from his seat on the couch, still typing away one the keyboard,"This is a stressful time, but we'll weather it. We always do."

"I feel helpless, it's hard to admit that, even to all of you." Feeling guilty Xander cleared his throat and looked at his friend.

"Spike's tough, he's a survivor," the young man offered. Buffy nodded, but then felt herself caving.

"But if it was the old Spike I could see that, but he's not. The soul makes him vulnerable, makes it so he can't rely on what makes him tough. I...." Her voice cracked and she looked upon each of them,"Spike is important to me, very important...I...I can't lose him, do you all understand what I'm saying?"

"We understand," said Dawn,"And there's Jane too, we have work to do, right?"

"Right. Right. Okay, Giles, find out what you can about the Gaudium Chalice and its cult. Willow, work on magical defenses and protection spells against attack and the Cerberus. Anya, find out the best ways to kill the dogs. Xander, you and I are on weapons and strategy. Dawn, I want you to get on your computer and find out how the Westerbergs are all connected to this. Clem, you're on snack duty. Tomorrow we get Spike and Jane out of there."

***

"Salicadoola magicaboola bibbity bobbity boo..." Doc sing-songed quietly as he went about his work, setting up instruments and equipment in and around the immobilized vampire. Spike's vision was blurry and full of colors from over exposure to the overhead lights, not to mention the fact that they also hurt from being dry due to his inability to blink. A second figure was detected and aided Doc in whatever they were preparing to do.

"Doctor?"

"Yes Nurse Beckett?"

"I'm not questioning your judgment by any means, but I must ask why you feel this course of action is necessary."

"Because, my dear, I owe this to him. After all, he has tried to kill me on past occasions, it seems only right that I reciprocate, though I'm in doubt this will actually kill him. You're not squeamish at the sight of blood are you?"

"No, not at all, I did an Emergency Room apprenticeship after university."

"Good, because there's alot of blood anywhere near the brain."

"Isn't this dangerous?"

"Very, especially the way I'm going to do it."

"No, I meant that without that microchip he'll be able to attack humans, there are alot of humans here."

"I'm not concerned, as I said before, as long as the medication is in action, he'll never move again. I'm ready."

"Doctor, shouldn't we scrub in? Shouldn't we put him under anesthetic? There's procedure to follow when performing brain surgery. We should at least shave his head."

"Nonsense, it's a vampire, a vampire I happen to be holding a grudge against. If it were not for this vampire, the exalted Glorificus would have succeeded in opening the dimensions. I want him fully aware of what's happening to him. I want him to feel everything."

"You're merciless."

"Calculated. Besides, this really isn't proper surgery, this is just a bit of fun. Pass me the drill." There was a whirling squeal of metal as the surgical drill came to life. Doc gave Spike a smack on his cheek before he began.

 

Chapter 21 - Escape

"No hurting now please....please mum, make him stop! Please with the no hurting now. Mum!? Mum?!!" Spike cried, though no sound came from his lips."Anyone...I'm begging!! Buffy? Buffy! BUFFY!"

"I'll take your pain away. I'll make all the hurt disappear," a soft voice he knew all too well whispered in his ear. She pulled away just enough for him to perceive the tip of her cute nose. As he focused on her face, he felt the back of her hand stroke his cheek, the other tugging gently at the loose curls at the base of his neck,"No more pain, my beautiful man...my vampire."

"Buffy," he gasped as he finally could see her clearly. The light around them faded to black, but she was still highlighted by golds and ambers from an imperceptible light source. She smiled for him, her long tendrils of hair framing her perfectly.

"When you're with me there will be no hurt, no pain, just you and me. Do you feel me? How warm I am when you touch me, how every part of your body was made to fit with him. Do you feel how soft I am on the inside?. Can you feel how much I want you?" He realized then, as she lowered herself down on his erection, taking him deep inside her body, that they were naked and in want of each other. She was being so good to him, so tender and kind, just how he always wanted it. He had her wrapped around him, her were arms around his neck, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. He was inside her, snug and warm, being massaged, so far up inside her he touched the entrance to her womb. They barely moved, just a gentle rocking like the ebb and flow of water to the shore, just enough to make him painfully hard and keep her flowing, both rising steadily to mutual release. She felt every nuance of him, the entire length from where his body ended and he'd become part of hers. She tensed inside herself, squeezing him, making him gasp, then moan.

When she comes she breathes in short bursts, her eyes close and her head tilts back, mouth opening slightly. Her thighs turn to steel and then melt, she is perfect. She sobs with her climax, clinging to him to anchor her, pushing his mouth to her breasts. He erupts, cool streams of fluid that flood her, rushing from him, around him, mingling with her hot come. They rode out the waves of their mutual climax, they held each other close, no space between their skins. There was comfort, there was solace, there was love. So much love.

***

Buffy woke up that morning with a smile on her face, moaning sweetly as she squeezed her pillow in her hands. She reached across the bed for her vampire lover, but felt only the cold undisturbed top of her quilt. Her eyes snapped open, realizing it had been only a dream. She gasped and turned her face into the bed to stifle her scream. She may have been crying her heart out, but she knew it, knew it in her soul that it hadn't just been a dream. This made their separation all the more torturous.

They were sharing dreams, escaping to the same place night after night, and it was no longer because of Jane. It was because of each other and love they shared. Realizing it now of course had Buffy feeling half sick, in agony for want to have him back in her arms, to be back in the dream place where they were together and safe.

She had her cry and then composed herself. Having fallen asleep in her clothes sometime last night after the Scooby assembly, she undressed and went into the bathroom for a shower. Afterwards she wasted valuable time staring in her closet, looking for the right outfit to take on an evil cult. Fact of the matter was that her words from the previous night were ringing true. She felt helpless. Storming the proverbial castle was pointless without an army. Giles could probably pose as Randall's father and gain access, but what would be the point if he couldn't get out with both Spike and Jane. She was the Slayer and she couldn't even save the man she loved.

***

"I think. I think am. Therefore I am. I think. I'm not dead, or at least I am not other than undead. Though I cannot say for certain that I am not dreaming. I was with Buffy, I was in her arms, in her body. We made love. That can't have just been a dream. It was so real. Would I know if I was awake? And isn't it strange how coming to this place, being forced inside my own mind that I have torn myself away from the grips of madness and found William and Spike are one and the same? I am me, I am one person, I am of one body, one mind, one heart and I suppose perhaps, one soul. Upon one shoulder sits a pure and noble soul, on the other is a demon that thirsts for blood and mayhem. In the center there is me, us. But now there is no us, no we, there is me, there is I. I am 145 years old, I am a vampire with a soul. I love Buffy Anne Summers.

No one will ever know. Buffy will never know I've come back to myself. Back to her.

Will I go on like this for eternity? My body paralyzed and out of my control? Will I be trapped inside my own mind, walled up and forgotten as I starve, but continue on, unaging for all time? How long before I lose my mind again? Bloody hell...my head hurts."

 

Chapter 22 - Enigmas

Buffy had the impression that walking down the stairs was akin to being a celebrity meeting the press. Her friends and sister all began speaking at once. Did any of them even sleep last night? She wasn't even hearing what they were saying, there was just too much all at once and none of it gave her any respite from her present state of mind. At present her train of thought consisted of getting another bazooka and storming the institution, demanding they give her back her vampire.

"Buffy?" Dawn's voice came through,"Are you listening?"

"Huh?" she replied, moving past to sit down on the couch.

"Don't you even care that John Westerberg's been financing Fernridge for the past 27 years!?"

"Twenty seven years! Yes, that's exactly how it was..." Giles stammered, returning to his notes,"The celestial alignments are precisely the same!"

"Wait!" Buffy interrupted,"Just..." Then the floodgates opened, she gave a wounded sound then burst into tears, the rest of them fell silent. Giles moved and knelt down before her, touching her chin and tilting it up so they could look in each others eyes.

"Twenty seven years ago the stars aligned in a certain way, they do so again tonight and did so in the 1930s when that time's Slayer prevented the raising of the Gaud. Twenty seven years ago...something must have gone wrong, and now today the time is right again. By all indications and what you've seen at Fernridge, the cult will try again to raise their demon. We cannot let this happen."

"I love him, Giles."

"Yes dear, I know. That is why this isn't a time for tears. Dawn knows a few things too..." Buffy wiped at her wet eyes and sniffed, getting herself together again.

"What do you have Dawn?"

"Twenty seven years ago, John Westerberg started funding Fernridge Institute with his family's money, he's been doing it ever since," the teenager explained,"Lots of years later he met Pauline Montgomery because her father worked there. Westerberg's totally connected to the place!"

"He could be part of the cult. Where does that leave Jane? Would he really hand his own daughter over to a bunch of sadistic demon worshipers."

"If he's one of them," Giles reasoned,"According to the information the Watchers Council provided, the previous Slayer prevented the Gaud from rising by destroying a sacred vessel that served as a conduit through which the demon passed when it rose from Hell. When we arrive at Fernridge we must accomplish many things - find and rescue Spike and Jane, fend off the cultists and any demons, and third we must find this vessel and destroy it before the demon can arise. We're attacking in the day time, there shouldn't be much difficulty...really."

"Really? Giles, come on...do the Knights of Byzantium in all their day time glory ring any bells?"

"Well..."

"We're doing what Giles said, but first we're taking a detour."

***

Boris, as the rottweiler was named, lay in a contented sleep before the unlit fireplace in the study of the Westerberg mansion. John sat in his favored leather armchair feeling every bit as if he was in the middle of the Spanish Inquisition. A hoard of people led by Buffy Summers had essentially barged their way into his home demanding an audience. Unable to offer up any deterrent or threat loftier than calling the police, he reluctantly invited them in. They sat around him, scowling, glaring, Buffy standing in front of the lazing Boris and the youngest of them circling the room like a vulture. Clem opted to wait in the car.

"So, evil cult, how does a man get into that line of work - or were you in a fraternity?" the younger of the two men began.

"Excuse me?" John replied, incredulous.

"Fernridge Institute, where your daughter has been living for the past year," Buffy continued,"It's built on a opening to hell and the people working there are demon worshippers bent on raising something called the Gaud and probably killing my boyfriend and your daughter in the process." John scrunched his face and scoffed.

"Are you quite out of your mind Miss Summers?"

"Not this time. Your family's been in Sunnydale since the beginning, are you really that naive? Or just ignorant?"

"I am neither. I simply find it incredible that you honestly think I would put my only child in mortal danger."

"After what I've seen of this place, yeah I think you're sadist! That place is evil and the man I happen to love is trapped there from trying to get your daughter out before the star aligns or whatever and some big evil demon rises up out of hell! Are you really thinking we're that stupid. Twenty seven years ago you started funding Fernridge, that was the last time they tried to raise the Gaud."

"Quite the little Nancy Drew aren't you? Fine, yes, I know about the institute's past, but it ended twenty seven years ago, and that's why I started giving them money. Pauline was only eleven years old at the time and I knew her father, Dr. Paul Montgomery. He and his partner Dr. Thaddeus were taking over control of Fernridge, but they needed money to get the previous owners out. I obliged. They turned the place around, made it into a haven. Paul and his wife had just had a son, everything was good. Years later Pauline and I fell in love..."

"Your wife was murdered, her fall wasn't an accident." John wore his emotions plainly on his face, hurt and anger at Buffy's revelation.

"Who are you make these accusations!? Opening up old wounds! She was sick, she lost her balance..."

"Those wounds never really healed did they? Is this why you lock yourself up alone in this dreary old house? Trying to forget you have a daughter. We're telling you that tonight they're going to raise the Gaud and all hell's gonna break loose. Are you going to help us?" The tension in the room was suddenly shattered when Dawn gasped."Dawn?"

"There, behind you, on the mantle - Buffy look at the pictures!!!"

 

Chapter 23 - His Hero

"You might be curious to know why I've kept you alive," said Doc as he hovered over the semiconscious Spike,"The Gaud requires souls you see, I intend to give it yours. The fiddling about inside your noggin was for my own amusement."

"You do realize the second I snap out of this, I'm going to tear your bloody head off, right?" Spike answered, not caring that Doc couldn't actually hear the threat.

"Until that time comes, I've brought you some company." After Doc moved away Spike's vision caught an inkling as to who was being placed in the other bed next to him. Like him, Jane was laid out on a bed, still as vacant and unmoving as ever.

"Bloody hell, Jane girl, I'm so sorry. I screwed up, pet. Maybe cost us both our lives."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, the stars are lining up. It's time to bring back our savior!"

"Right, you do that. I'm just gonna lay here and contemplate your afterlife. If I don't take you out, the Slayer will. Mark my words - or thoughts, rather. Either way, you're dead, fuckwit." He and Jane were alone then, leaving Spike to go stir crazy. He tried to will himself to move, but he couldn't seem to even sense much past the inside of his skull. His brain might as well have been in a jar. Next attempt was to awaken the demon within. The supernatural being felt like it was locked in a cage and unable to break free. What Doc was feeding into his body must be more than just narcotics. Spike guessed there was some mojo in the mix."Don't you be frettin, Jane girl, the Slayer'll come for us. My bird's the hero of this story, hasn't ever let me down, she won't this time either. Come on Buffy, love...where are you?"

***

They parked the SUV outside the wall of Fernridge's property, while John Westerberg pulled his BMW in behind them. The older man's purpose was to serve as a distraction for the others to sneak in to get Spike and Jane out. Once that was accomplished, Clem and Dawn would get them away to safety while Buffy and the others would remains to stop the Gaud from rising. The Scoobies would have a challenge before them to slip past both staff and patients undetected, but Buffy had confidence in them. She however refused to be so patient. Going alone around to the side of the building she sent up a grappling hook to attach to an awning, enabling her to climb her way to the roof. From there she repelled over the edge and searched along the top floor for an entrance.

When she came to the window of Dr. Thaddeus' office she felt a wave of nausea pass over her. To think that she'd not remembered the face of the demon that had stabbed Spike and cut her sister on top of Glory's tower. When Dawn had spotted the photograph of Doc, aka Dr. Thaddeus, with Paul Montgomery and John Westerberg above the fireplace there was the awakening of a very mortal, primal fear within the Slayer. She realized that she had unwittingly put her love in the hands of a volatile enemy. If she lost Spike to the one demon who was his worst regret there would be no recourse, no carrying on. She'd give up.

One bit of luck was afforded her in that Doc's office was empty. In addition the window was unlocked, so she didn't have to break the glass. She felt the compulsion to destroy anything that looked valuable or cherished, but there wasn't the time. She'd just have to settled for killing him if they crossed paths.

At first she was grateful to find the hallways deserted, but grew increasingly suspicious when she found absolutely no signs of life. The institution was as silent as the grave, so much so that the only sounds she could perceive was the birdsong outside and her own controlled breathing. She thought momentarily that she should investigate on the floors below, but there was a sudden oddity rising up through her system. She felt a warmth settle over her abdomen, a flush bloom on her cheeks. She took five quick strides to a not so random door and kicked it in.

Buffy choked back the bile that rose in her throat when she saw him laying on the bed. He wore only a thin and baggy pair of hospital issue pajama bottoms and he looked paler than ever, even emaciated. She knew he hadn't had blood in days, he was disappearing before her eyes into what he'd described a few years ago as a dead shell, like those people in those dusty countries. An sudden anguished cry broke from her throat.

"Spike!" she cried, rushing over to him, throwing her arms around his shoulders and pulling his limp body up into her embrace.

"Buffy. Sweet love are you ever a sight for sore eyes. Really sore, I haven't bloody blinked in a couple of days and...oh my aren't you warm...." She began to kiss him, her lips roaming over every feature on his face,"Guess this means we're getting back together, huh? Missed you, baby."

"Spike? Spike? Answer me, what's wrong?" He acted as if he were boneless, weak as a newborn. She held him back from her and his head lulled to the side, his eyes showing no spark. Buffy began to tremble, her eyes widening as fear took hold. She held on to his chin, forcing his face to confront hers. Nothing."Spike?"

"Bugger. Buffy, I'm here, love, I'm in here. You have to get us out of here, they're planning something. Gonna raise some sort of soul eatin' demon."

"SPIKE?!" She shook him, still he didn't move of his own accord. If it weren't for the fact that he'd never had a heartbeat she'd at least be able to determine if he was dead. She was crying now, becoming increasingly desperate."Spike! Don't do this to me, come on! Snap out of it."

"Buffy, get the IV out, it's the drugs." She suddenly released him and he fell back against his pillows. As this happened, his arm tugged against the long tube of the intravenous, making Buffy aware of its existence. Quickly, but gently she withdrew it from him,"That's my girl." She lay her chest against his, holding him, just thanking god he wasn't dust.

"I know we were together last night, I know it was real," she whispered at his ear, her lips grazing over the cartilage and the lobe while she fit her palm over the sharp jut of his cheekbone,"Hold on to last night as much as you can, don't forget it and I won't either. I promise I'll get you out of here, and I'm so so sorry, it's all my fault. I'll make it up to you. Until then remember my skin against yours, remember how warm and happy we were. William, I love you." Somehow a tear streamed out from the corner of his eye. It trickled under his ear and down his neck to be soaked into the pea green colored pillowcase.

"I love you too, Buffy."

 

Chapter 24 - The Return of the Beast

Giles and Dawn finally found the Slayer in a room on the third floor of the institute, it wasn't difficult to do considering the door had been splintered into a million pieces. Furthermore there was a sound, as soft as a dove's coo, followed by a sniffle. The pair entered the room to a strange, but heartwarming scene. Buffy sat on a bed, cradling her vampire against her breast, kissing his forehead and petting his disheveled two toned curly hair. She rocked him, her tears falling softly off her cheeks and splashing on his face, wet from her sorrow.

"Buffy?" Dawn questioned. She looked up at them, pained and confused.

"He won't wake up," she explained,"Neither will she." Buffy looked over at Jane,"I couldn't chose. I can only carry one of them at a time and if I leave one of them alone, someone might come and take them. So, so, so I just....I wanted to hold him."

"Buffy, you know the right choice," Spike emoted to her,"Leave me, get the girl out. She's innocent. It's the right thing to do. Don't cry, love, you've given me more in fifteen minutes than I've known in over one hundred years. Let me go."

"Giles, they've done something to him, like what they did to Jane. I was too late, I've lost him!" Giles quickly traversed the distance between him, wrapping his arms around his Slayer to offer comfort.

"Rupert, you old sod, welcome home mate. Wait a minute, bloody hell, I'm a bit miffed with you, where the hell have you been when my girl's been sufferin'?! Tell you what, we'll call it even if you get me the bleedin' hell out of here!"

"Buffy, Spike is a vampire, remember that, it's not the same as with a person. Despite the soul, the demon is not something that can be made to vanish, the effects of this place are deadening, yes. However I know he's not lost, I swear it. But, listen, we haven't the time. Downstairs in the basement the ceremony has already begun. There's no one in the hospital except for Spike and Jane. The patients have all been cattled into a pit and the staff are surrounding a sacred fire with the vessel to bring forth the Gaud. Willow, Xander, Anya are keeping watch. They're in the middle of a ceremony to raise what they called an emissary for the Gaud. When night falls all hell will break lose - literally. The Slayer must prevent this. John Westerberg is standing watch downstairs, he and I will get Jane and Spike both out, I promise you."

"Ripper! That was inspired! Listen to the Watcher, pet, go save the world - don't die doing it - then you and me can hold ourselves up in the bedroom for seventy something hours and shag ourselves blind....no, make love, that's what we'll do. Buffy, do it! GO!"

"Buffy, Clem's got the car ready to go, let's get Spike and Jane out," Dawn prodded,"I'll be with him the whole time." Spike could feel her strength returning, just a little bit of hope from Giles' promises had done it. Her would-be father let her go and stepped away. She turned Spike's face to hers, giving him a genuine, loved filled smile, then bent down to kiss him hard on the lips.

"That's my girl, go slay 'em!" Buffy let him down gently on the bed, giving his face one last caress before steeling herself and getting ready to march to her duty when unexpectedly a hand clamped down on her shoulder and flipped her around.

"Not so fast, buttercup." They knew that voice, knew it like a cold hand closing around their hearts. Giles and Dawn turned back and saw the newcomer, as well as Jane's empty bed. Buffy's eyes darted behind the risen god to where Spike lay helpless and separated from her. Her wide, panic stricken eyes returned to the restored Glory. The blond haired beast smiled mockingly, seeming suddenly more fascinated with checking out her nightgown and robe rather than the enemies that stood before her."For once the culty worshipers get it right, check me out, this silk is Chinese. I look amazing. Gaudian worshipers are the only way to go, real attention to detail and the smarts to get me a woman's body. God, all the baggy, ugly ass boy clothes Benny wore were enough to make me gag!"

"Good Lord no!!" Spike too was consumed by panic and fear. This was beyond anything he'd ever imagined in his very worst nightmares. Since the return of his soul he had run the gamut of inner turmoil and emotional pain, but never raw, bleeding, soul searing fear."BUFFY RUN!! GET THE BLOODY HELL OUT OF HERE!!!" He lay there motionless as he felt himself losing the tentative grip on his sanity. He tried everything he could to get up, but no so much as his little finger twitched. Glory turned to him and cocked her head to one side like a puppy noticing a shiny object.

"Hey look, they even brought me back my vampire!" She turned back to the still stunned Slayer, the Watcher and..."My key! Oh this like the best day ever!!"

"Dawn, get out of here!" Buffy ordered. Her sister was however too terrified to budge an inch. Glory flopped down on the bed next to Spike, holding his head up by his hair.

"Hey sugarplum," Glory continued, looking at Buffy,"Did you know Mr. Sunshine here has a soul? It's like he's lit up like a Christmas tree!" Suddenly the hellgod smashed her arm against the post of the bed, breaking off a piece that served well as a stake. At that point Buffy rushed her. But not in time."Ooops! My bad." The vampire's dust swirled up in the air and shone like silver, blanketing the bed and Buffy's skin. It was soft and cool, like moonlight. Glory tossed the stake away, coughing and patting herself down, trying to get the filth off herself. Buffy meanwhile was about to have a heart attack."You know what? I'm not here to do the whole opening dimensions thing. I'm over it. After sitting like genie in the bottle this whole time, I've come to an epiphany. I just wanna kill, faster pussycat, kill, kill, kill."

 

Chapter 25 - Smoke and Mirrors

Giles and Dawn had to drag Buffy from the scene, the Slayer all but comatose again. They didn't look back to see if Glory was following them. Thankful not to have inadvertently fallen as they rapidly descended three levels of stairs, Giles, Buffy and Dawn came into the foyer just as Xander, Willow and Anya came rushing up from the basement, all 6 of them converging at John Westerberg.

"Where is my daughter?!" John demanded.

"No time..." Giles stammered,"We must get out now!"

"No, dammit, where is she?!"

"GONE! We must leave now, she's coming!"

"Who?!"

"Giles?" Willow questioned, and then she saw who he meant. Walking casually down the stairs was the evil bitch that had cost them all so much in the past."God no..."

"Now!" Giles insisted, pushing the stunned Scoobies out the front door. They ran into the thickness of the forest, hoping to find a place to hide. After close on fifteen minutes Dawn was the first to put a stop to their flee, realizing that no one was following.

"Guys, stop! We're safe," the teenager panted, still holding on to Buffy's arm. The others halted, doubling over and holding their stomachs as they tried to catch their breath. Buffy slumped to the ground, close to either passing out or throwing up. Those few fragile seconds before Spike had been killed replayed themselves over and over in her mind in a loop."Buffy?" The Slayer began shivering holding herself while she broke down in tears.

"What's happening to her?" Xander asked, kneeling down before his nearly catatonic friend. Giles sat down next to his Slayer and enfolded her in his arms.

"Glory killed Spike right in front of us, staked him through the heart."

"Oh god, Buffy...Where did Glory come from? Where is Jane?"

"Glory is Jane."

"That woman is not my daughter!" John protested.

"Yes she bloody well is!" Giles shouted, then steadied himself,"Your daughter has been made into the host for Glorificus' return. I'm sorry John, but she is lost. If we had known what was happening at Fernridge earlier, perhaps we could have stopped this from happening. Glory has been brought back by her servant, Doctor Thaddeus, to prevent us from stopping the raising of the Gaud, she is the emissary. When night falls, the stars will align and whatever the Gaud is, it will rise up and devour this place. We must stop it, Buffy must stop it."

"How?" Dawn cried,"How can she? She can't even stand up. Glory's the reason she died, Glory's the reason we all almost died. She killed Spike! Giles, any of you, do you have any idea how long it took her to admit that she was in love with another vampire? How ugly and horrible things were between them before all those walls came down? How can Buffy save the world when she has nothing to live for!" Dawn turned suddenly when Buffy's hand touched her cheek."Buffy?" The Slayer got to her feet and looked at the witch.

"Willow?" she asked quietly, wiping the hot angry tears from her face.

"Yes?" the nervous witch replied.

"The power you had, when you tried to....last May. Do you still have it?"

"No, not exactly. The magic will always be in me, but it's not like that now."

"Can you get it?"

"Not without losing control. I....I'd probably end up being best buds with Glory if I touch that kind of power again." Buffy's face told of her despair."But!! But, Gaia, the Earth, if I asked, she'll lend me some of hers."

"Thank you. Willow, thank you. You and I will take on Glory, no hold barred, we'll give her everything we've got until she's dead."

"The HELL you will," John snarled,"That's my daughter!"

"You're daughter is nothing more than.....oh, god, I'm sorry." Buffy's demeanor changed, she suddenly realized what this man must be going through,"Mr. Westerberg, this is my fault and I can't tell you how sorry I am for giving you hope, only to take it away. Glory is a hell god, she is nearly unstoppable. Because of her the world almost ended. Because of her I was dead for 147 days until Willow brought me back. There is no middle ground with Glory, if she isn't killed she and the Gaud will destroy the world and kill billions of people. She can only exist in the world if she has a human body to inhabit, that ended up being Jane. There is no way to reverse this. Now, I just saw her murder the one man I will love the most in my whole life. My William is dead because I failed him, I can't let his death mean nothing, I have to stop Glory. Then we can rest, then we can mourn, but right now, we have to fight or die ourselves."

***

"Stupid, bloody, fucking smoke and mirrors parlor tricks! Buffy, I know you think I'm dust, but I'm not. Feel me, feel my love for you, I'm still with you." Spike closed his eyes, amazed he was able to do it, then opened them again. He looked upwards from his position to see the heads of the other patients he was in the dug out pit with. He lay on the cold earth in a darkened cave, the other victims of Fernridge mulling about around him like caged livestock, unaware in their delirious states. He guessed that these were all likely victims of Glory's horrible brain sucking, that likely Jane was too. Were the young girl not mute, she'd likely be babbling nonsense like the rest of them. Above and around the perimeter of the pit were the staff members he'd been abused and beaten by, in addition to Nurse Beckett and Doc, all dressed in ceremonial robes and caught up in a chanting fervor.

These people had power, real terrible power. They'd already managed to bring back Glory and used poor Jane's defensively body to do it. How long before the Gaud was raised and the destruction of the world began? How long before they tore from his body the soul he'd fought so hard for.

 

Chapter 26 -Empowerment

Willow and Buffy sat in a clearing close to where the others waited. Giles had been consoling John Westerberg for some time now, explaining the history with Glory, from Dawn's creation to the final battle and Buffy's sacrifice. He then explained a little about the rare situation that was the existence, or rather former existence, of William the Bloody. Giles detailed with nostalgia and surprise affection the tales of how Spike had gone from the Slayer of Slayers, to the only vampire ever in all the history of the world to go against the will of his demon and seek a soul, all for the love of a woman. His tale was a hero's journey of redemption that had been cut dramatically and lamentfully short. His tragic ending didn't make him any less noble.

Meanwhile Willow and Buffy lay on the ground in a weird sort of yin yang pose, their knees bent and touching the other's, while their heads lay at their friend's feet. The earth was moist, but not cold, the organic feel of the grass like the soft touch of a mother's hand. It calmed the Slayer, hardly lessening the ache of loss in her heart for Spike, but it made her covet and remember the few moments of kindness from their past. She saw him standing at the bottom of her stairs the night of her resurrection, then the feel of his calloused, gentle hands holding hers moments later. There was such awe and love in those blue eyes of his. Quiet moments after that night, sitting on her back porch, or in his crypt with whiskey from his flask. She remembered her arms tight around his waist as she straddled up behind him on his motorcycle, the two of them winding down the streets of Sunnydale, her cheek on his shoulder. They'd been friends, and then they'd been lovers. She couldn't fool herself to believe that it had been good beyond the act, she'd never let it. He'd made love to her, she had sex with him. Except that one time, that last time. She'd needed him to reassure her at the time of Riley's return that she was still desired by someone. They'd moved together slowly for almost an hour, savoring every motion, every breath, every touch. They'd fallen asleep together, it was only the second time that had ever occurred, but the first time she'd felt safe. But she knew now that she'd always been safe with him.

Taping into the love each woman felt in their hearts for their lost mates, their tears wet the earth and made pleas to Gaia for strength.

"I've never going to love again like this, am I Wills?" Buffy asked, staying calm like her friend had told her as they let theirs prayers be heard.

"I don't know Buffy. Tara was everything in the world to me, but I can't live thinking I'll never love again. Maybe you will, in time."

"I don't think so. It was different with Angel, it was first and new and I was young, but Spike was different. Spike and I had to fight for it, we had to want it bad enough. He got his soul for me, no one has ever made that kind of sacrifice for me. No one has ever loved me that much - I don't think anyone ever will again."

"Love is a beautiful thing, you loved Dawn enough to jump off that tower. Spike loved you enough to earn his soul. Nothing but good can come to someone who loves that much and is loved that much."

"I'll never love any other man but William Suffolk." The two reached out and clasped hand as a light rose up around them. Shimmers of red, yellow, green, blue and purple danced and bathed them with power. The four elements and Gaia herself. The Slayer and the Witch, both her daughters, were infused with power beyond their own. When the presence faded, they rose to their feet again and embraced.

"Now let's go kill ourselves a hell bitch!"

***

Spike wondered if he should be pleased or pissed off about being able to wiggle his pinky. The drugs were wearing off finally, but at this rate it wouldn't be until after the apocalypse that he'd be able to move the rest of his arm, let alone his entire body. He sighed craned his neck upwards, then took a moment to smile inwardly at the movement he'd just made. If he kept trying maybe he'd get his ass in gear in time.

***

"What happened to the day?" Buffy questioned, when she and Willow returned to the others. In the west the sun was just beginning to set.

"You've been gone several hours," Giles explained,"We were beginning to think something had happened, but we couldn't interrupt the spell."

"But we're not too late?"

"No, not yet, the stars are just beginning to come out, may still be a while before they align appropriately."

"No sign of Glory?"

"No, John's been watching the house off and on, he hasn't seen her or anyone else emerge. It is possible that she can't leave the house."

"Come again?"

"Infusing Jane Westerberg with Glory's essence, including strength, memories, evil entity, all that, cannot be simple. There must be conditioning and process. Perhaps the process isn't fully complete. Glory's power will only grow, but for right now, before the Gaud comes, she could be vulnerable." Buffy looked at John apologetically.

"Then we might be able to do this. I...I just want to stop all this, then....for him, because I loved him..."

"Then we can honor Spike properly."

 

Chapter 27 - For Him

The Slayer lead her friends, now including Clem after they'd woken him from his nap in the car, and John Westerberg back to the house. They had armed themselves with weapons, but Buffy knew that the only weapon needed was Willow Rosenberg and her own fists. Willow stood apart from the others, several feet ahead of them, facing the building.

"Now?" the witch called back, just as the sun dipped below the horizon.

"Now!" the Slayer commanded. Willow raised one hand to the sky and stretched the other down to the earth. Energies welled up from the earth in hues of green, yellow winds from the four corners, swirling up around the witch as well as the others; it began to rain, shimmering drops of blue. She swirled her hands together and between them burned red flames. The energies melded into the violet, shocking and brilliant.

"Iarraidh ar dhuine rud a dhéanamh Gaia! Scrios olc!!" she cried. The ground began to vibrate under their feet, the air around them to electrify and Willow's body thrummed with energies. The witch's hair seemed to become as fire, her eyes ghosting to a complete white, her skin becoming like a precious metal. The others were overwhelmed and moved to stand behind the Slayer, but they needed no protection, Willow was in complete control."SCRIOS OLC!!" She pushed her energy out and to the house.

It was like peeling away the layers of skin, the house's structure was sheared off bit by bit in long strips, then went it's support beams and the floors, the furniture, the plants, everything. Such an enormous structure held an incredible amount of debris, Willow scattered it all over the forest. What was left was the foundation and one pissed off hell god in a brand new red leather designer pant suit. Glory was seething with rage, just the effect the Slayer wanted.

When the sound of falling beams and insides from the house died down, they became aware that the forest around them had come alive. More than two dozen pairs of demonic eyes echoed the snarls and growls from the large pack of Cerberus that surrounded them. The other Scoobies took up the defensive, readying themselves for the moment when the pack went berserk. Buffy came up behind Willow and directed her to help the others. The fight with Glory belonged to the Slayer.

"You know, you're a real pain in the ass," Glory sneered, brushing the dust and filth off herself,"And your little witch damaged the leather!" Buffy advanced quickly, her fist cocked back and ready to pound the hell god's face into a nice bloody pulp. Glory caught the first punch in her bare hand, but Buffy twisted and maneuvered herself behind Glory, delivering a backwards crescent kick to her head and then stomped down on the back of her knee. Glory cried out and rolled away, back on her feet in seconds, incensed and ready to do some damage to the Slayer."There is no part of you that I'm not going to kill."

There was gleam in the Slayer's eyes, it was fueled by more than just the past battles between these two, it was a raw a violent need to destroy the monster that had killed her lover. Glory came at Buffy with the power of a out of control freight train, knocking the Slayer to the ground with a few well timed uppercuts to her ribs. Buffy rolled away, clamoring back to her feet, unscathed."You've gotten pretty weak since the last time I kicked your ass."

"Yeah? And you're not seeming as all choked up about Mr. Sunshine meeting the pointy end of that stake. Wasn't he good enough in the sack to be worth a few tears? I thought he did okay when I had him last year." That parting comment was enough to throw Buffy off her game. Glory side kicked her in the gut and sent her flying out on to the pavement. Glory stalked after her prey, but was prevented from leaving the perimeter of the house's foundation,"Damn!" She pounded her foot on the ground, enough to make parts of the floor cave in,"Hurry up you fools!!" By now Buffy was back on her feet, standing in front of her enemy, the threshold between them keeping Glory contained."He really had killer abs, didn't he? And that toosh! Yummy! But what really threw me for a loop was the size of his..."

"You're a liar!"

"No, really, he was amazing, even by god standards."

"Spike would never touch you, never!"

"You so sure about that, princess? I mean, I had him for an entire day. After the peeling off of his skin and the whole putting my finger in his chest to see if he was warm on the inside like a pie - he was ready for something a little more warm, a nice slice of my pie."

"Sounds more like the worst torture imaginable. Spike would never be with a two-bit whoring fashion victim bitch like you!"

"Who said he had a choice?" Glory made a mean little face at her opponent, twirling a curl of hair around her finger. Ignoring any sort of strategy, Buffy launched herself at the hell god. Part of her knew that Glory was only trying to goad her, but the other half was crazed with the need for vengeance. At the time, Buffy had felt badly for all the injuries Spike had sustained in protecting her sister, but now things were different now. Now, Buffy was disgusted and outraged for more than just his murder. If anything Glory was spouting was truth - Buffy would rip her head off before she killed her.

 

Chapter 28 - Overcome

Spike slowly and carefully propped himself against one wall of the pit, the furthest away from the Gaudists, what was left of them. When the cave and ceiling above them was disturbed by a intense shaking and the sound of breaking above, half of them had been ordered upstairs to investigate. Spike observed everything he could, perhaps he'd remember something useful for Giles after the thing called the Gaud had escaped. His interest was quickly focused when the two bastards who'd beat him reached into the pit and pulled up an unsuspecting victim. Spike watched in horror as a shadowy entity seemed to emit from the fire and latch itself around the man.

He screamed in agony as his soul was devoured. When it was over, he was silent and motionless, a dead shell. Furthermore the fire took on a pale green countenance and the vessel suspended above it blackened. The vampire cringed at just witnessing the consumption of an innocent soul and feared for his own. It was at this time he felt the reawakening of his demon. Though normally diametrically opposed to his soul, this time it raged at the injustice. The game face and fangs forced their way to the surface and overcame the last remnants of the medication.

However in the time it took him to regain control over his body, another four people had lost their souls. The cultists were in the midst of pulling up a sixth victim when he sprang into action. Soaring above the people, he grabbed the next victim before the process began again, sending him back down with the others. With the chip foolishly removed he had no reservations of beating the living daylights out of his captors. He made short work out of the first two, but quickly came to realize he was vastly outnumbered against the gathering of men and women.

The vessel which was eating the souls was darkening, becoming pure shadow, signaling the time of the Gaud was nearly upon them. Doc, Nurse Beckett and Dr. Hamilton had linked hands as a triune and were caught in the rapture of their chanting and the swell of the green fire. The earth below them appeared to be dissipating as if the monster was clawing up out of his grave. The fire was undisturbed even as the earth fell out from under it. More cultists came to attack the vampire and he showed them no mercy. Bodies flew against the walls. He smashed faces and broke bones, his demon was having the time of his life, relishing all the lovely violence. The soul however kept it in check, not allow him to forget his mission. It didn't look like Buffy was coming any time soon and the Gaud was ready and hell bent on rising.

Hearkening back to just about every text he'd ever read or anything the Watcher had ever spouted about preventing the rising of things, Spike knew he had to break the triune apart and destroy the vessel through which the Gaud was gathering souls to enable its return. He was hampered by the fact that he was surrounded by still more cultists, Doc and his two partners increasing the fervor of their chanting. They came at him and Spike didn't back down. Quite a few he managed to knock out, but some of the larger men wouldn't go down so easily. There was a fissure cracking under the displaced earth below the fire, the Gaud was coming. He fought more violently, not heading the soul's protest, twisting necks and tearing throats. He made significant progress, but by now the flames had engulfed the vessel and its blackness was infinite, made of shadow. Doc's eyes were suddenly upon the vampire, their black gleam triumphant.

"He'll come for the Slayer first," Doc spoke as comely as if offering a cup of tea,"The things he'll do to her before he gives her death." Spike's rage breached a threshold and he went berserk. Indiscriminately he tore his way through the remaining Guadists, then crashed through the joined hands of Hamilton and Beckett. The fire seared his skin, but it was too late to turn back. He reached for the vessel, his hands sinking into the cup as if it were made of water, but he found he had control over it and pulled it with his momentum as he flew through the flames and into Doc. The black basin smashed against the cave wall.

The fire thrummed like a heartbeat, alternating its colors from the pale green to orange and blue. Spike still had his enemy in his tense hands, breaking the demon's collar bones. Even as Doc shouted threats and nonsensical chants for the Gaud, Spike tore him apart as he moved to cast his body into the fire. Doc screamed as he burned, a shrilling piercing scream that sounded nothing like a man's. Spike waited until Doc stopped fighting, until the life was burnt out of him and there was only a body left to fuel the flames. After a time the fire was normal, burning low in oranges and yellows, burning hot with Doc's skeleton serving as kindling.

The vampire face disappeared and Spike flattened his back against the coldness of the cave's stone wall. He looked over the carnage that paved the way back to the pit he'd come out of. They'd been human beings and he'd killed them. He looked down at his hands, stained with blood and blackened with soot and whatever the Gaud's vessel had been made from. There was crying to be heard, emanating from down in the hole, cries for help. There were however some that were silent. The ones from whom the souls had been devoured. They were empty shells, void of sentience. Spike trembled with anguish and fear for what he was about to do, but what he knew deep in his own soul was a mercy. He prayed he was making the right decision, that somehow their souls had been freed with the breaking of the vessel and that this was alright. He broke their necks, killed them, put them to rest.

He couldn't look below at the others that remained, he was sick to his stomach and needed Buffy to come and calm him. He wanted the solace and peace of her embrace, but looking at what he'd done, done despite the soul, he believed himself unworthy of any kindness. He darted around searching for an exit, fitfully wringing his hands. "Blood on my hands....never, never come clean. William will never be clean. Can't ever touch the girl, musn't sully her. Have to be gone when she comes, have to be gone. William is gone, William is gone.....William is gone."

 

Chapter 29 - Bittersweet

Buffy promised herself and Spike's memory that she wouldn't step off the foundation until Glory was dead. Permanently. With the additional power she'd been infused with, the Slayer was equally matched to anything the hell bitch could unleash. They traded blow for blow whilst at the same time Willow incinerated Cerberus dogs and her friends fought against the throng of cultist that had made their way out from under the rubble to fight.

Glory caught part of her stiletto heel in a floorboard and was unable to kept her balance. Buffy pounced on her and unleashed a flurry of jabs to the face,"Even if you win, it doesn't change a thing - the vampire's dead!" Glory spouted, her voice like venom. Buffy hit her again, cracking her cheekbones, and again, making her nose bleed. Buffy didn't even realize she was crying as she continued to pummel her enemy. The Slayer was unleashing all her anger and grief through her fists down upon the cause of it.

She was a blind fury when suddenly someone was grabbing at her wrists. Buffy stopped, still shaking with rage at a restored Jane Westerberg. She moved away form the frightened teenager quickly, but silently Jane reached out to Buffy."Glory?" Buffy questioned. Jane shook her head and gesticulated that the hell god was gone. Around them the others had also stopped fighting. Most of the Cerberus were either charred or retreating, the cultists surrendering or fleeing. Jane smiled when she saw her father, then ran to his open arms.

"Buffy! What did you you?" asked Giles as he and the others came to her.

"Nothing, nothing, Glory just went away. We have to get downstairs! The Gaud!"

Below they found the cave just as Spike had left it. A fire smoldered to one side of the chamber, the charred remains of a tailed man still burned within. Against the wall were the shattered pieces of the Gaud's vessel, no sign of the fissure in the earth remained. Littered around the dug out pit filled with patients were the dead bodies of evils and innocents alike."Who did this?" Buffy asked rhetorically.

"Hello? Is someone up there?!" a man's voice called urgently from down below, followed by several more cries for assistance. Buffy appeared over the edge, her hand extended to help him. The Scoobies did the same for the others, most of whom seemed quite lucid.

"Tell me what happened!" Buffy asked them.

"There was a monster, god it was horrible. He murdered all these people. He was all white like a ghost and his face was hideous, disfigured, and the fangs!"

"He's not a monster!" Spike. She should have known he was alive, she should have trusted his promise to never leave her. She could feel it now as surely as if her was there with her. Her heart was aching to be with him.

"That man saved your life, saved all our lives," Giles explained, gathering the pieces of the broken vessel to study at a later time.

"Where did he go?" Buffy demanded. When the man didn't answer, she began to unhinge,"Tell me where he went!"

"He started babbling to himself, saying all sorts of nonsense, how he was a bad man, something about getting blood on his girl. I don't anything..."

"Giles!?" she turned to her Watcher.

"We'll take care of things here, go and find him," Giles encouraged.

***
She'd searched the forest around Fernridge all night long. There was no trace of him. She thought it could've been possible he stole one of the staff's cars and made a getaway, but she couldn't tell for sure. Giles had come back for her by morning after the police had come to handle the insane situation that had come to pass the night before. John Westerberg seemed to be able to handle the legal wrangling of the Scoobies involvement. Apparently an explosion in the boiler room had demolished the house.

She went to every place Spike had ever been in Sunnydale until finally she came the last place she could conceive of.

The relief that flooded over Buffy when she found him back down under the school had her crying instantly. She didn't care what shape his mind was in, what he was she loved. Spike was sitting in a lowly corner, his back against the wall and his knees drown up to his chest. His face was hidden against his knees and his arms covered his head. She moved down to him, quietly, a little scared."Spike? Baby, it's me. It's Buffy. Are you in there?" He shifted away from her, still hiding.

"Please go," he whispered.

"I can't, I can't leave you alone here," she whispered back, inching close until they could touch if they wanted,"I've been looking all night for you. I thought you were dead, I thought I was gonna die too - not because of Glory, because I didn't have you. Let me hold you?"

"N...no, I can't touch you."

"Yes you can, come on. Spike, touch me, don't shut down on me, don't make with the crazies."

"I'm not crazy, it's just over Buffy. I can't fight anymore. I'm finished, finished with the whole bloody world."

"Don't say that..." His face shot up, eyes wide and vibrating with emotion and shed tears.

"GET OUT OF HERE!" Shocked by his yelling at her, she drew herself back from him,"I'm tired, I need to rest now. Can't you get that? I'm 145 years old, Buffy, I know when it's time to pack it in. I can't do this anymore, day in day out....always with the fighting and the hurting. I'm done! Whatever strength I had is gone! It's been eaten away bit by bit by bit since the day I came to Sunnydale. Can you not see that I'm a broken....no, not a man...not a demon...just a, a nothing. A dead shell still holding on to memories, but the hope is gone. I'm dead, let me rest in peace. Give me this one thing."

"I'm not going anywhere. You're not finished, you don't get to give up or quit. I will not to let you. If I have to stay down here for the next twenty years then so be it. I love you, with everything I am and it's never going away. It's you or no one else for the rest of my life. I'm gonna make you believe it if it's the last thing I do." He gave her a look of disgust, stood up and pushed himself away from her. She got to her feet and went after him.

"Don't say those words, don't ever, can't bloody stand it."

"But you've waited all these years for me to tell you, or don't you love me any more?"

"'Course I love you, always love you...I just can't forget, our past. We should never had gotten together in the first place, it ruined us both." He looked up at her, tears streaming down his face,"You made me into a whore, Buffy, a filthy disposable back alley whore. You took my love and twisted it up." He ground his knuckles into his stomach as he began choking on painful sobs,"I just wanted same as everyone else. I just wanted to be loved...the need consumed me and I snapped and I nearly raped you to make you give it to me! Of all the images in my mind the one of you screaming and writhing in pain, scared underneath by body as I tried to tear off your robe and get between your legs - that is the worst, the bloody worst. There isn't one minute, and this is the literal truth, not one minute that passes without me thinking about that night. I am always reliving it and it doesn't matter that you've forgiven me, I can never forgive myself. I asked for it, but I don't deserve it. I want the pain and the misery because I have earned it, bought it, with interest in blood and the love of a good woman will not cleanse me."

"You know Spike, sorry to quell your dramatic moment, but I just don't care how miserable you want to be, because it's stupid. I am giving you a clean slate, giving us a fresh start, giving us a real chance. Think of it, how happy we could make each other, how much love we could give every day and every night. Imagine the passion, laying quiet together, making love instead of just screwing each other. How many years do I have left? There is only a brief moment set aside for us before I'm gone. We...no, I have wasted so much time. Please don't turn me away, don't punish me..." He held his hand out, fingertips nearly touching the skin of her face, but he pulled it back and looked upon her with ice sharp features and fractured love.

"Can't happen...I'm not long for this world either, Slayer. The demon and the soul are at war and I'm the battlefield. I'm sorry if this sounds especially tragic, but I'm trying for the truth. I'm just not going to last, eventually they'll cancel each other out. I'll go catatonic, crazy again, or evil or join a bloody monastery. I do know that whatever I become it won't be what you deserve. I love you too much to condemn you to the burden of a life with me."

"Cut the melodrama, I'm not buying it..." He got angrier, storming over to her and grabbing her shoulders, making her wince from the pain of his force.

"Get out and don't come back. I might love you, but I don't to be with you anymore."

"You're lying."

"Leave, don't push this or I'll push back. It'll be the bathroom all over again. I'll lose control and you'll suffer the consequences."

"You're the one who's suffering, I can stop it..." He shoved her over, making her land on her back. She calmly got to her feet and dusted herself off. She refused to look back as she made her way out of the caves.

 

Chapter 30 - Warmth

She was back not ten minutes later, a knapsack over her shoulder and a sleeping back under one arm. He looked at her with a face painted like a Dali landscape, emotions sliding off him in skewed directions. She turned off the flashlight that helped her see her way and flipped on a lighter before he could register the complete darkness. Where she ever came to acquire and oil lantern was out of his realm of reason as he watched her light it, he was on the edge of going ballistic on her, she wasn't listening to what he wanted. If she didn't stop he was going to have to run from this place. If he frightened her in any way it would be doubly grave for the conclusion he had in mind for himself. As it was, the moment after he'd pushed her he'd screamed inside because of it.

He was definite about his fate and this wasn't it.

He made a motion to get past her and without breaking stride, she flipped the sleeping bag out in front of him like a bullwhip, enough to derail his attempt to escape."This time I thought ahead," she began,"I asked myself after you took off - why didn't he stick around for the big reunion scene - you know, your basic running through a meadow, leap into each others arms, big kisses and I love yous et cetera."

"I killed those people, the doctors and nurses, humans."

"Who were trying to bring up a an apocalypse, who brought back Glory. If you hadn't smashed that vessel, Glory would be in the world again still and I can't even begin to imagine the hell the Gaud would have brought. If you're feeling despair over killing those people, then we'll deal with it together. As for the patients, Giles said it was a mercy, they shouldn't have been left to live without their souls - nothing inside, not even a demon. You used to want what I want to give you now. Since you've been back you've shown yourself to be incredibly unselfish. Before you asked for your soul back you were good so I'd love you, but I couldn't because it was me who was messed up. I don't love you because you have a soul, I love you because you're a good and valuable person. I'm not letting that go. Besides, it's high time I make myself worthy of your love."

He opened his mouth to speak, but the din of her heavy soled boots clomping on the cave floor as she kicked them off, kept him silent. She opened the sleeping back and sat on a corner, looking up at him with serenity,"You look like hell, sweetheart."

"Buffy..." he breathed out, exasperated.

"We'll, it's true. You need a shower pretty bad, and a hair cut, but I suspect you need something else a little more." She patted the spot next to her,"Come, please Spike." He hugged his arms around himself, cold arms to his bare torso that did nothing to warm him. She continued to look at him, staring hard, worming herself under his skin and working away at his resolve. "Spike sit down with me." At length he couldn't sustain the stalemate and sat down next to her, but not letting their bodies touch. She opened the bag up further, holding the fabric up." Slide your legs down, rest." He slipped under the covers until his feet touched the sharp metal of the zipper at the end and then turned over, facing away from her. She let the quilted cover down on him, sighing with relief, this was the first step. He flinched when the back of her hand touched his cheek, she simply turned it over and ran it down his neck and over his shoulder."You're freezing cold. I'm not talking vampire cold, you're borderline frostbite."

"I didn't notice."

"That's because for all your noble intentions you're a martyr at heart...I tend to be like that too. I externalized my pain by beating the crap out of you and abusing you in the worst possible ways - such as using you to make myself feel alive, you know it all. You on the other hand pile the hurt on yourself in every way possible, take it all inside. I'm fed up of all of that. On both sides. It's over. In the past. Doesn't exist with us any more. From now on we take good care of each other. Forgive me?" He turned his head and looked at her, perplexed. She bent down a little closer,"Forgive me?"

"Buffy...I...there isn't..."

"Forgive me?"

"Forgiven." His forehead dropped to her shoulder and she hugged him.

"You're so cold. I know you hate being cold, you want the warmth my body gives you...let me..." He tried to move away,"Not sex, it's too soon for that. Just warmth..."

"Alright." She started carefully, rubbing her hands over his bare arm and shoulder, stroking back and forth, giving friction. She pushed him gently forward until he was almost on his stomach. Her hand kneaded and massaged the muscles of his back, carefully working over the canvas, working away the tension. He exhaled and let her take care of him. She got to know his body in a new way, before when she'd only ever clutched him or scraped him in the throws of passion, this time she touched him to try and extinguish is pain. He was going under, nearly asleep as she comforted him, showed him genuine kindness, tried to make him feel her love. She slowed until she was barely brushing over his skin with her finger tip, his flesh infused with her warmth. She climbed in beside him. Before she sunk down she removed her coat and lay it over their legs. She took off her shirt and bra, remembering in the peripheral of her memories that skin on skin was the best way to warm a person up when they had frost bite. She pressed her soft full breasts into his back and felt him shudder. With her cheek to his back, her arm around his waist and the sleeping bag pulled up to their necks they fell into slumber.

 

Chapter 31 - Bringing Her Vampire Home

She woke up suddenly to him twisting fitfully in her arms, crying, screaming like an animal,"Spike!" she cried, trying to hold him still, trying to wake him,"Spike, it's okay, I'm here." His body seized and then fell limp, but he continued to sob mournfully, low moans choking from his throat.

"Buuuuffffy..." he wailed, now awake, scared beyond belief. He cowered under the covers, shaking and clutching to her for solace. He was scaring her and all she could do was hold him and whisper hollow comforts. It took a fair while for him to calm, by this time he'd curled himself into a fetal form against her, breathing steadily in and out, taking comforts in her scent and the pulse of her blood through her veins. All the while her hands had been on his back again, trying to make him feel safe.

He sniffled and laughed bitterly, that's when she noticed something sticky against her skin. She eased him away and saw it was blood. Reaching behind her into her coat's pocket she retrieve some tissue to clean herself and under his nose,"You're bleeding, your nose."

"Happens with the headaches. Headaches happen after a nightmare sometimes."

"Tell me...please, let me in."

"You're already in." He took her hand, squeezing it tightly in he guided it to his head. He winced in pain as she found three raised, tender bumps near his cerebral cortex.

"What are these..."

"Where Doc had his fun...where he drilled into my skull. I think that's why m'nose bled." She snatched her hand away, not half angry with him for making himself hurt from her touch. Taking a deep breath he let it out - Doc, the operating room, the bright lights, the laugh, the sound of the drill, the white hot pain as it tore through flesh and bone, the wires of the chip unraveling and one by one cutting themselves through his brain to the exit holes..."And then there we were, like now, warm and alone. We made love and you saved me, you brought me back to life...this man, this demon, you made him whole." She was crying now too, grief and rage playing against love and devotion.

"I wish he was alive so I could kill him. Make him suffer first." He kissed the sweet valley between her breasts and nuzzled in close, caressing her denim clad backside.

"He's dead and forgotten. Let it be."

"But..."

"I'll heal up in time, the bloody nightmares will either go away or I'll get used to them. All that matters is that you hold me and you love me....even, even though the chip is gone."

"The chip is a non-issue. Spike, this is serious...this could have..."

"I could've been trapped inside my body forever, literally. But I'm not, love, I'm here with you and I'm mending."

"My blood will heal you quicker, right? You'd get stronger and those holes in your head will go away?"

"Forget it, Slayer...there's no way..." Right before his eyes she gouged her thumb nail into her wrist, digging in as deep as possibly to bring forth a wellspring of fresh blood. As the nourishing red liquid ran over, Spike found himself torn between hunger and the desire to never take from her, never use her.

"Because I love you, drink." Letting his guards down he forcefully grabbed her arm, sinking his fangs into her flesh and taking a few needy gulps before settling down to a languorous consummation. They lay back down, Buffy laying her head upon his chest, her tongue lapping over his nipple, giving him a much needed thrill to accompany his restoration, a sort of intimacy they were developing. Satiated by her offering of blood and comforted by her mild sexual caress he began to slip back under. Buffy tended to her wounded wrist before snuggling down and joining him.

***

After sunset Buffy brought her vampire home. She practically had to drag him from the caves and basement, but she was patient and tender. He'd wrapped himself in the sleeping bag to stay warm, having nothing but the hospital issue pajama bottoms to wear. The hospital had taken his boots and everything Buffy and Dawn had brought him from home. She's be certain to buy him new things as soon as possible.

"Almost there," she said, turning the SUV on to Revello,"Everyone's going to be there, but we can just go straight upstairs. You can have a bath and then I think we should go straight to bed, to sleep. That sound alright?" He sighed and nodded.

"Buffy, love?" he asked quietly.

"Yes?"

"When did you learn to drive?" She couldn't help but smile.

"Early summer, it became a necessity."

"Just wondered."

"When did you get your mind...you know, even, clear?"

"Ironically enough, when Doc was drilling through my skull."

"Makes me sick, what you've just gone through, all because of me."

"I'd like us forget it."

"I can't. This was worse than when Glory had you the first time. When I think of how this could have gone, how I could have lost you. I don't think I could have come back from it, not this time. I need you to be the one who stays. I need you to be the one Spike." She pulled into her driveway and turned off the ignition. She gripped the steering wheel too tightly, she was crying again. They'd both been crying far too much to Spike's mind.

"I'd like to marry you someday...it's not really something I ever think about, not something a dead man should hope for, but if you'll have me..." She snapped her face around so quickly she hurt her neck. His hand reached over to massage the kink.

"I've had two proposals in my life and they've both been from you. I'm starting to wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something."

"Have a think on it. I'm going to ask you one more time, when I'm not filthy and gross. You have some time."

"I don't need to think about my answer. You're not gross."

"I want you to all the same. And, yeah I am, haven't had a bath in week here. I need a good washing."

"You know my answer, right?"

"I know."

"Love you, William." They leaned into each other, lips searching for their mate's, pressing long and soft.

"Buffy?"

"Mmmm?"

"I'd really like my bath now."

 

Chapter 32 - Parlay By Bathwater

When the front door of the house opened, a rush of Scoobies descended upon the pair. Spike was still huddled under the sleeping bag, Buffy guiding him with an arm around his waist. She looked at them and shook her head,"Not right now, okay?" She asked and the others complied, letting her and Spike continue on up the stairs. When they came close on the bathroom, Spike made a wounded sound and instantly tensed,"I'm in my mom's room now, there's another bathroom. We don't need to confront all the skeletons in our closet tonight, this way..." He let the heavy coverlet fall after she closed her bedroom door. He inhaled deeply, there was the distinct essence of Buffy herself, but tinged with earthy incense.

From the way of the bathroom he heard the water running and Buffy moving about. He walked slowly towards the door and was met by her emerging. Her hair was up and she wore the same robe as that fateful night. The pain on his face made her remember too,"It's the only one I have," she spoke solemnly. Her demeanor shifted then and brightened,"Why don't I just go naked?" He smiled ever so slightly. She took his hand and pulled him inside.

After closing the door, she turned off the taps, steam rising from the hot water and making the air around them heavy and relaxing."Get undressed," she told him. He hesitated, hearkening back to when she'd found him in the locker room shower cutting himself. She closed the gap between them, resting her hands on his hips, slipping her fingers under the waistband. She slowly drew them down, lowering herself to her knees before him. She deliberately let her cheek brush close to his soft cock, then turned her face slightly, bestowing a kiss upon the shaft. He shuddered and felt the beginnings of arousal, but she was already standing again.

She seemed different to him, peaceful, for the first time he could remember. She waited for him to ease himself into the hot bathwater, groaning as his skin prickled with the dramatic change in temperature,"How's your head?" She sat down on the floor next to the tub.

"Much better, love, the blood helped immensely."

"I can wash your hair then? Lean back." He did as she asked, relishing the sensation of the hot water drenching his hair and her fingers gently lathering up the shampoo. When she was done and his he was rinsed clean, she rested her chin on the rim of the tub and watched him,"You're an amazing man, William."

"If by that you mean amazingly reckless and stupid then I'd say you're spot on."

"Don't put yourself down."

"Buffy, when has anything I've ever done worked out as I planned?"

"Never, except for the Acathla thing, but that's a good. You came to Sunnydale with the intent to kill me."

"One exception then."

"Enough...geez, the angst is getting a little old. Can we talk about something happy? Like when we get to be together again?"

"Are we ready? I don't want to have you under me, then remember the bathroom floor. I am afraid to be with you again. I'm sorry."

"Not something to apologize for. Hey, I'm a little scared too, this is new territory for us. We've, for lack of a less honest word, fucked....and that's pretty much all we've ever done. I know it's not what you ever wanted....well maybe sometimes you did."

"So did you, love, it was all you could handle."

"But we've never made love, not really."

"I want to, so much." She craned her neck in to him again, pressing their lips together for a tender kiss.

"I've never wanted anything so much before in my life. I want to be yours, for good this time."

"You are mine."

"And you're mine. We clear on that?"

"Crystal."

"Good. We don't have to do anything tonight...and when we do, well, you can be underneath."

"Mmm...like the sound of that. Like the thoughts you're putting into this."

"I have other thoughts, want me to share?" He nodded and leaned back in the warm bath water, sinking down to his chin."I think about you laying on my bed, naked, kinda sleepy. You just laying there, warm and comfy and you let me kiss you all over, and when you get hard I'll take you in my mouth and love you. I imagine the winter time, just a couple of months away, maybe on Christmas Eve - when it's almost cold enough to snow, but it won't 'cause it's California..."

"Maybe we'll have rain, a storm."

"Okay, that's good too, it's storming outside and the power's out and we're snuggled in bed with the covers up to our chins and our noses are touching."

"Sounds lovely."

"And your hand is between my legs..."

"Mmm...is it now?"

"We're hot under the covers, giving each other beautiful slow orgasms that go on and on. Saying I love you over and over."

"Sounds like heaven, pet, does this poet's heart good to hear you speak of him in such a way. The demon, well, you're just making him horny." She giggled and splashed him playfully with the water.

"I've never talked to anyone this way you know? I couldn't ever talk about sex with anyone. I was with Riley the better part of a year and we never really did anything with sex besides it. He never seemed to make me feel what you do with just a look sometimes....and well, I really had to work for it - every time. Ugh. Is it so wrong to just be given an orgasm? He thought I was just energetic, I lied and let him believe it was because he made me so hot. Truth was that half the time I had to fake having them. You on the other hand, all you have to do was look at me in that way you do and I'm half way to happyland!"

"Not that I don't enjoy the putting down of Agent Wanker....but I think I rather talk about you. Tell me what you like...."

"This from my virgin William?"

"I'm not your virgin anything...or need I remind you about the handcuffs?"

"You can remind me later. But you kinda are, aren't you? A virgin I mean, souly speaking...or did William...?"

"Died a virgin. I see what you're meaning. Yes, Buffy love, you'll be this soul's first time."

"Your one and only. I love that, thank you."

"Just treat me proper, I'm but a trembling wallflower."

"Handcuffs, dearest."

"Oh right. So, tell me, my love, what you like. What gets my Slayer hot and slippery?" She was blushing, it was adorable. He moved close again, resting his chin on the rim of the tub, face just inches from hers."Tell me how I can pleasure you."

"God, when you talk..."

"Just me talking?" Her little pink tongue darted out from between her lips, licking his bottom lip briefly.

"The way you use your tongue, when it curls around mine, pulling it deep into your mouth. Or when you do the same thing in my...um..." She knew she must look as read as a tomato, her face felt incredibly hot.

"Can't say the word? It's not naughty...nor do you need to be clinical...quim is a very pretty word for it, it's a very pretty thing. You've the sweetest honey I've ever tasted..." She shuddered, feeling her arousal rising. All he really did have to do was talk to her!

"I like it when you breathe on my neck...when you're about to come and you're moving really hard and fast, you breathe heavy on my neck...I love that. I love how when you do come, you grab my hips and hold yourself totally inside me...I love the feel of your release filling me, it's cool. I love how you nuzzle your nose under my breasts and breathe me in. I love it when I'm too tired to do it anymore, and you pull me up on my hands and knees...take me from behind, holding on to my breasts and make me come for you again. I love that we can do it for five hours straight. Spike...I...I love that I've learned to trust you...with my body and my heart. I love that I love you." His eyes looked electric, excited. He slipped his head under the water and let out a howl of delight that was loud enough to come through the buffer of the water. Buffy got up on her knees and leaned down into the tub, submerging her face and upper body, getting soaking wet and kissed him under the water. He reached up and pulled the rest of her in the bath, pulling open her robe until her naked body was pressed solidly against his. She tore away from his lips to come to the surface for air. His mouth closed around an opportunely presented nipple, sucking greedily, their limbs tangled and displacing water on to the bathroom floor.

His hands took the firm globes of her ass, giving them a bruising squeeze and grinding up against her, his arousal beginning to rise."Spike! Stop..." He released her and rolled them on to their sides, trying to move as much away from her as he could.

"Sorry...sorry..." he stammered, head breaching the surface of the water. Before he had a chance to do anything else she was kissing him, both soft and deep.

"No sorries...I just meant that we should get out of the tub first. I'm fine, we're both just fine."

"Yeah, I know, but for just a split second..." She leaned in, laying her cheek to his.

"I know, baby, but I swear, last May isn't here between us anymore, it's gone. I'm not afraid of you."

"I don't ever want to hurt you again. I love you, Buffy, I love you so much."

"And I love you, I love you completely. Take me to bed and show me."

 

Chapter 33 - Full and Plenty

They lay naked on top of the covers of the queen sized bed for a long time, side by side, fingers tracing lines on hands and thighs. He was still warm from the bath, relaxed, clean and in no immediate danger. He was content, he was happy. It made him scared. It wasn't the fear that now that he had everything he ever wanted, namely Buffy, it was that it was going to disappear - he'd never been this way before. The fear was from that place in himself that assured him he would do something as stupid as ever and get himself kicked out of the house. As morbid scenarios began running through his mind, he rolled over on to his side and face away from her.

Seconds later she was pressed to his back, her hand low on his stomach, rubbing back and forth over the hard muscles. She was kissing his neck, flicking her tongue over his earlobe, then her hand moved lower. She squeezed his soft flesh ever so slightly, curling her fingers around him as much as she could, relishing how even flaccid he was too much for her. He became erect without effort, making soft moans as she stroked him to increasing hardness. She encouraged him to lay on his back again, so she could see him instead of just touching. She moved in closer as she worked him over, gliding her hand up and down, her loose hair bruising over him in a feathery caress. She was being almost too gentle with him, it had never been like this.

"Close your eyes," she whispered. He did as she asked, moving his arms over his face, instinctively arching into her downstroke. He choked on a cry when she closed her lips around the end, then slid him into her mouth. Her gentleness ceased and it became something deeply carnal. With her tongue and the pressure inside her mouth, she lovingly caressed him, then began to suck and slide the way she remembered he loved. He reached down for her and she took his hand, lacing their fingers together.

"Buffy..." he groaned, along with other sounds of received pleasure,"Love, I need you...need you..." She released him, staring up at him with glowing skin and a hungry look in her eyes. Moving seamlessly, she came to position herself astride him, the head of his cock just touching the soft folds of her opening. Still holding his hand, she pulled him upright, then took him to the hilt inside her. Both seized as they came together, her passage stretched suddenly and painfully taut, he being strangled and burned. She was the one to begin moving first, keeping him sheathed deep and surging gently again him. Their stomachs and torsos were creating a mounting friction against each other. Spike held his arms around her waist and shoulder, his body tense and overcome, face buried against her neck as he wavered between crying and moaning in pure unadulterated pleasure.

This was otherworldly to them both, the vampire's soul had never come so close to such purity of joy as this moment."Stay with me, it's alright. William, make love with me." He heard her words and she soon felt his kiss on her throat, needy and wet, sucking on her skin and pulse. His tongue wet her skin, his lips firm yet soft as he devoured her. His hand moved down her body to hold her hips and thighs, pushing himself up into her as he pulled her down. One hand travelled up her back again, her skin now slick with beads of sweat, to cup the back of her head. He took possession of her mouth, fusing their lips together, tongues reaching in deep. They closed their eyes, feeling only their bodies joined, their arms and legs pushing and pulling.

He fell back against the pillows, bringing her with him. Without breaking their kiss, Buffy moved a little stronger on him, making tight circles with her lower half. The pleasure was extreme, unlike anything they'd ever brought each other to before, but Buffy soon became aware of the urgency with which he clung to her, kissed her, moved with her. She pulled back from him so she could look upon his face, it was a wash of tears."Spike?" she questioned. He looked away, closed his eyes, his hands falling away from her. He still hard inside her, still in want of her, but so overcome with what they were sharing that it seemed too much for him. She took his hand and guided it to where they were joined. Realizing what she was asking, he gently rubbed his thumb over her clitoris. Back and forth, he excited the nerve endings, which had her tightening herself around him. He came back to the moment, taking her hand and placing it on his face where she could wipe away his tears.

They held each other's eyes until the breaking point was reached and they both came together. Breathing hard, eyes piercing each other's, hands gripping, bodies tensed and then, then the undoing. She fell upon him, crying out her orgasm, clinging to him, anchoring them together as they rode out wave after wave. When she felt him come deep up inside her, Buffy let a few tears of her own fall, she was finally his as much as he'd always been hers.

 

Chapter 34 - Brand New Day

He woke up alone, making him frown before he even opened his eyes. The bed was cold, meaning she'd been gone for some time. Spike sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes with the base of his palms. He relaxed back against the headboard and pulled the quilt up to his neck and around his shoulders to try and get warm again. Just as he was about to feel very sorry for himself, the door from the bathroom opened and a billowing wave of steam rolled out, followed by a freshly showered and very warm Buffy. She saw him, smiled and dropped her towel. Her skin was glowing and flush, her breasts swollen and perfectly round, looking heavier than usual from the absorbed heat from the water. Her hair was just blow dried, but still moist and shimmering, there was nothing about her that wasn't burning with vitality. She came back to bed, slipping in between him and the quilt. Straddling him, she pressed her body to his, breast to breast, stomach to stomach. She held his face in her with one of her hands as she covered his face in hot little kisses. Meanwhile she reached down in between them to guide his growing erection to the opening of her sex.

They eased together, their opposing temperatures evening as the cold and hard was sheathed by the warm and soft. Buffy began gyrating and tightening herself around him internally. Cupping the flesh of her rear he thrust upwards and arched just so, giving a rough grind against the nubbin that had presented itself to him. She bowed her back, raising her breasts to him, but just as his mouth descended to claim a ripe nipple she lay herself back. This position angled his cock perfectly to stimulate her top inner wall as they moved together. As the pleasure heightened, both became increasingly vocal with grunts, moans and the occasional expletive.

Somehow managing to keep joined, Spike came to lay himself on top of Buffy, their legs stretched out behind them. Tears pricked at the corner of the vampire's eyes, this was a moment for them, just like last night."Tell me..." he pleaded. Buffy caressed the back of his neck and shoulders, smiling beautifully up at him

"William, I love you..." It was the encouragement he needed and thus began to make love with her the way a vampire and Slayer were meant to. Clasping their hands together and holding them above her head to the mattress, he thrust in and out of her like a man possessed,"Spike!!"

"Love you...Buffy, love you...come for me, show William how much you love him."

"Let me touch you!" At her words he released her hands, which immediately moved to his rear end, stilling his thrusting and holding him to her. Raising her knees, he sunk in as far as she could take him. His forehead rested on hers and she gave his hind cheeks a squeeze, eliciting a moan from deep inside him,"Love my William." She coiled her inner muscles around him as tightly as she could whilst gently raising her pelvis to create a friction against her clit.

"Oh...god...Buffy...."

"Mmm..." The tension had snapped and almost simultaneously, they climaxed. Swimming inside the powerful rush of orgasm they could feel the pull of each others souls, the intimate connection that existed on the molecular level. When they calmed, she held him secure upon her and still inside her, something both of them loved,"Good morning," she panted, cooling down. Spike was busy nibbling at her neck. Buffy totally relaxed under him, almost drifting back asleep, when in a sudden swell he was full hard again. He growled and started moving back and forth all over again,"A very good morning!"

***

Buffy came into the kitchen late that morning, singing contentedly to herself. She was ravenous, making love with Spike many many times since they'd come home had given her the appetite of a hobbit. She wanted blueberry pancakes with gobs of maple syrup, maybe a few rashes of nice crispy bacon to spoon up the extra maple flavored goo. She went about getting the ingredients out of the cupboard when it occurred to her that there was no one else in the house. She found this rather curious considering how eager they had been to hear what had happened to Spike after Fernridge. Her brow furrowed as she searched the downstairs and found no one. It was almost noon so it was possibly everyone had gone out, but they hadn't left a note.

She was about to rush upstairs and wake the sleeping vampire in her bed, but suddenly heard her sister laughing back the way of the kitchen. She found the lot of them, including the not often seen in the day time Clement. Coming on to the back porch and into the bright sunshine, all eyes turned to her."Hey guys, what's up?" she asked.

"Oh SPIKE!!!!!" Giles exclaimed. Buffy did a double take, her eyes widening, shock overcoming her.

"Oh YES SPIKE!" her sister echoed.

"Faster, faster! Faster Spike! Yes, yes, yes!" Xander mocked, rolling his eyes at being forced to participate in this little game.

"Harder Spike, yes, right there!!" Willow chimed in.

"Ooooohhh Spike!!!" Anya finished. Buffy's turned to Clem giving him a hard look. He waved her off, too embarrassed.

"That's really not fair you guys," Buffy grumbled. Dawn put her arm around her sister and tugged at the scarf stylishly tied around Buffy's neck.

"Nor is subjecting us to the auditory version of the Buffy and Spike Shagfest Winter 2002," Dawn teased,"I take it he's asleep, you finally broke the boy didn't you?" Buffy crossed her arms over her chest, a sour look on her face.

"Spike's sleeping because he's been through hell all summer and especially this past week."

"And because you boinked him into a coma." Dawn reached out and whipped off Buffy's scarf, revealing four sets of fang punctures. Buffy pushed out her chin and preened, not in the least bit embarrassed about the marks.

"I did not boink him, we made love, wild passionate beautiful love!"

"Loud, hot monkey sex is more like it!" Buffy was about to throw a fit when Giles stepped up.

"I think that's enough, we've had our fun," Giles allowed,"Sorry dear." Buffy pouted."We're all very happy that Spike is safe and sound and that you two have had time to reconnect. So, the tosser going to sleep the day a way?"

"Hello, vampire," was Buffy's reply.

"BUFFY?!" the very same vampire called from inside the kitchen. She turned and bolted back inside, finding the love of her life clinging to the sheet wrapped around his waist, looking rather worse for wear. The sunlight shone down into the kitchen, he backed himself against the wall. The others filed in soon after, making the vampire the naked center of attention."Mornin' all." Buffy came to him, helping him hold up the sheet, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Whacha doin' up?" He pulled her back to the edge of the kitchen, trying not to remain under every one's scrutiny.

"Woke up n' you were gone, I was worried...n' lonely." He tilted his head to one side and gave her a knowing smile, she looked down, blushing.

"I'm hungry. Would you like some breakfast?"

"No, love, just want to be near you. And judging by the way they're staring at me, I wouldn't exactly say no to some clothing."

"That I can help you with, a while back, before we went to Fernridge, Dawn went looking for you and brought all your stuff home. There's clean laundry in the basement. I can go get you new boots later today."

"My girl's pledge of eternal love and a new pair a Doc's, can a bloke's day get any better?"

 

Chapter 35 - Twist of Fate

Spike was just pulling on a pair of well worn denims when he heard the footsteps of someone descending the basement steps,"Allo? Who's there?" Spike called, reaching for the warm cobalt blue cotton shirt that stretched taut over his chest.

"Spike," Giles sighed, walking down the rest of the way. Spike looked at the Watcher curiously, eyeing the large brown paper bag he held on to. The vampire hurriedly put on his shirt, feeling a bit uncomfortable.

"Watcher." He gave Giles a nod and leaned against the washing machine.

"You're looking well."

"I suppose, yeah. Spending time with a girl who loves you tends to turn a man around from the brink of despair n' madness. You know how it goes."

"Perhaps. Er, I've brought you something." Giles reached into the brown paper bag and took out a file folder, which he kept to himself, then passed the bag to Spike. The vampire took it warily, not half wondering if there was a surprise baby Suvolte inside. He opened it to find a large box inside. There was an instant smile on Spike's face as he set it on the washing machine and opened it. Spike admired the shiny new pair of classic Doc Marten boots before casting an appreciative grin to the Watcher and putting the boots on his feet."Buffy, well, she measured your feet whilst you were sleeping, so I gather they're the right size?"

"Bloody perfect! Watcher...Giles, thanks mate - appreciate it more than I can say. You have been uncharacteristically gracious where yours truly is concerned. I heard you when we were at Fernridge, promising Buffy you'd get me out. There a reason?"

"She loves you. That alone is reason enough and well, fellow countryman and what not." Giles came in close to Spike, seeming to be checking out his face, leaning in close. Spike leaned back, nearly climbing up upon the washing machine,"I don't look a thing like you."

"Beg pardon?"

"Maybe the eyes, but even that's a stretch. Fate is a buggering thing, mate."

"And then some. I'm not sure just what you're getting at, but Ripper, you're making me nervous." Giles curled his lip and rolled his eyes, backing off.

"Ripper indeed, this is probably karma swooping down upon me like a vulture to carrion. Read this." Giles opened up the folder and handed Spike a sheet of paper. Skeptic, he took it, and began to read. They stood in silence for ten very long minutes as Spike read the document twice. Then, in one swooping motion he flipped the page away and spread his arms wide.

"Give Uncle Spike a hug!"

"Oh sod off you git, it's bad enough as it is, no need to add salt to the wound!" Spike let his arms go, slapping them loudly against his legs.

"The Slayer know?"

"No, I figured I ought to let you have the honors. This bloody insane."

"Are you upset by it?" Giles sighed and shook his head, coming round to lean next to Spike.

"Annalyse seemed like a lovely girl."

"Lyse was the most precious thing in the world to me. So was mother. I don't know what it was, but at the time I knew that I didn't want them to die, I didn't want Angelus to even know they existed. Can you imagine what he would have done to my little 14 year old sister? I never went back, never went anywhere near them, completely forgot everything that was William and began my life with Dru, Angelus n' Darla. I never knew if my little sister grew up, got married, had children of her own. I never knew when m'own mother died. I didn't really care to be honest, until lately, until Buffy."

"Your mother passed away about fifteen years after you left, by consumption. Lyse and her husband and children were there."

"Lyse's youngest, Robert, he's the one?"

"Yes, then came his son, Daniel. Then Daniel's daughter Eloise, her son Rupert, then his daughter Diane, my mother. And there you have it."

"Here we have it." Both men smiled."You almost seem proud, Rupes, is this a sign that you might not actually hate me?"

"Let's just say that my normally consistent impulse to cudgel you is lessening. Besides, there is the fact that you are the only vampire in history to seek a soul and you being a blood relative does raise my status a few notches on the council."

"They're giving you a gold watch or something all poncy like that, aren't they?"

"I'm to remain here for a time and transcribe the full details of your soul quest. It's a Jaguar."

"British racing green?"

"Antique gold."

"Ah. Rather nice I suspect. Must corner like it's on rails."

"Quite. Spike, I think we should agree to start over, in light of our being related and especially because we both love Buffy so very much."

"Agreed. We can sit down, have a pint, listen to some Cream. Be just like a couple a ol' mates."

"There's something else, something I think should come to you." He reached into his pocket and brought out a small, rather beaten up satin box. Giles opened it, revealing a square cut ruby, accented on either side by a shimmering white pearl."Do you remember it?" The anguish on Spike's face told Giles the answer.

"Mother told me so many times over - this ring would come to me and I'd give it to my wife."

"When you died, the ring went to Annalyse. I've had it since my own mother died, but as I never seem to find someone to give it to, I figured it should go to its rightful owner."

"Do you really think I can make the Slayer happy?"

"I think Spike, that you would go to the ends of the Earth for her."

"Already did, mate, already did. Soulful Spike is a pathetic sniveling sap..."

"Soulful Spike is the kind of man that can make the girl I love as my own daughter a very happy woman."

"Sure I can't have a hug?"

"Very."

"Come on!"

"Sod off!"

"Rupie....??"

"God, I hate you."

 

Chapter 36 - The First Day of the Rest of Their Lives

When they came back upstairs, his love was stuffing her face full of pancakes and syrup. He stayed back to watch her, laughing with her sister and friends, sticky dribbles of syrup on her chin. She was a bit of a piggy when she was especially hungry. He'd have to remember that, have snacks on hand when participating in endless hours of shagging. She reached for a napkin, but he took action and stepped in,"Allow me, love," he offered leaning down to swish his tongue over her chin to clean off the syrup.,"Mmmm, Buffy taste in my mouth."

"Xander went to the butcher's earlier, there's blood in the fridge if you like."

"Ta, pet." He maneuvered around to the fridge, the small box clasped tightly in his hand. He pushed it down in his pocket, forgetting it for now. He had to save it for the perfect moment. As he waited by the microwave for the blood to warm Buffy cleaned up after her breakfast as the others dispatched themselves to other parts of the house. She came up behind him, caressing his backside with one hand, the other snaking around his middle and up under his shirt. She stood up on her tip toes and nibbled his ear lobe.

"So, what would you like to do with the rest of your life?"

"This, you, family, loving every day."

"I want to take care of you."

"I don't want to need it so badly, but I do. I don't quite know who I am Buffy. But I know I love you, and that's a start." The microwave finished and she reach around him to bring out his mug.

"Drink up." He did as she asked, gulping down the nourishment before turning around to face her.

"Is this going to work, really? You n' me?"

"You're having doubts? I really do love you, don't have to worry."

"I know, I feel it deep inside, but I'm talking about the practical day to day. I should get a job."

"If you want to, I'm doing okay though, with money. I can't really picture with a nine to five...or five to nine as the case may be."

"Man of the house should do his fair share."

"I think you should take it easy first, give yourself a couple of weeks to adjust to everything that has happened. Things have been very tense and on edge since you came home. I want you to relax, sleep in peace and quiet, with me." He pulled her close, kissing her softly."And there's patrol to still do every night, we'll get you back in the game. It'll be like old times, except this time I'm all head over heals in love with you.

"I'm all for that."

"So we take it easy for a while?" He nodded, still holding her close,"As soon as the others leave...." A wicked grin spread across his face and he leaned in close, his tongue laving over the vampire bites he'd marked her with."Spike..."

"At least there's one thing we never have to worry about..." She clutched his shoulders, rubbing their lower halves together.

"William, I want you..." There was a feral look in his eyes, as he nipped at her bottom lip, his tongue teasing hers. Then he kissed her with such love and lust that she felt her knees go weak. He held her up, holding her tighter, kissing her harder.

"BUFFY!!" Dawn shouted from the living room. Buffy was beginning to dislike the sound of her own name,"Someone's here!"

"Damn," Buffy swore under her breath, reluctantly pulling away from her vampire. She groaned and they both let go of the other. Spike couldn't help but smile as she stomped out of the kitchen.

***

Standing in the doorway was a tall young man with olive skin, Grecian features and a mop of slicked back black curls - Mediterranean Spike to Buffy's mind, except for the immaculately tailored silk suit. Dawn hadn't moved since she'd opened the door, her mouth agape and her hormones firing in all directions at once. Buffy gently moved her sister out of the way and approached the man,"Hello, can I help you?" she asked, keenly aware that Spike was coming up behind her with his possessive caveman face on, if not the vamp face all together. His arm was around her waist moments later, fingertips pressed pleasantly hard into her stomach.

"Miss Buffy Summers, allow me to introduce myself." Oh yes, definitely Greek."I am Niko Halkiopoulos and I am here on behalf of my employer John Westerberg."

"Oh! Uh, come in." Buffy moved to let the tall man through, meanwhile Spike was inconspicuously pulling her hair back from around her neck, showing off the bite marks. He was being impossibly cute, if not a little ridiculous. By now the others had come to see what was going on with this newcomer."What this about?"

"You and your family are invited to dine with Mr. Westerberg and his daughter Jane tomorrow evening at the estate. I am instructed to also extend the invitation to the young ladies to be escorted by myself to Rodeo Drive in Los Angelos to select gowns..." Dawn gave a squeal and then sheepishly tried to hide her outburst."Tailors will be arriving shortly to take the measurements for the men's suits. Mr. Westerberg wishes to thank you all for your courage and for rescuing Miss Jane."

"Wow. This is so nice, of course we'll come and hey, shopping!"

"At Mr. Westerberg's expense of course, we have an appointment at Harry Winston's for the jewelry. I shall await you at the car." Niko bowed, Spike rolled his eyes, muttering something about Athenian ponces under his breath. Once the door was closed the girls seemed to be over come with some sort of giggling disease, Dawn rushed upstairs to revamp herself into some sort of sophisticate for the excursion, while Buffy casually mentioned changing into something a little more comfortable for walking those LA sidewalks.

Spike found her sitting in front of the mirror at her vanity, applying lip gloss and fluffing her hair."How quickly she forgets!" the vampire huffed, leaning in the door frame.

"What are you all bad moody for? This is going to be fun and I can imagine how Mr. Westerberg must think this is a nice gesture for us saving his daughter. I agree."

"You're going out. For hours, with Adonis down there...soddin' Olympic git." She continued to primp in front of the mirror.

"Come here, Spikey." He grumbled and came over, before he could reach her, she grabbed the waist band of his jeans and pulled him over. She lifted up his shirt and pressed her shiny lips to his stomach, her tongue delving into his belly button.

"That's not going to work...." She undid the top button of his jeans with her teeth and tongue.

"Two hours there, two hours back, about three hours to shop. I'll be back in your bed in no time. We have so much to make up for...but....mmmm, nummy vampire tummy...I want to....shop." She lowered his zipper and reached inside.

"Irrelevant, I'm not letting you go off..." There was a tongue there...then... "Oh sweet fuck...Buffy....Buffy...that...that's cheating..."

"Mmmmph?"

 

Chapter 37 - Cold Comfort

He watched her out of the corner of his eye, she was fluttering about with one hand holding part of her hair up while she searched for a pin to hold it. He was also appreciating the fact that at this time she wore only a very pretty and rather tiny black g-string. It took all of his control not to pounce on her, especially given how her breasts bounced when she was excited.

"Pet, dinner isn't for another two hours," he sighed, reclining back on the bed, his dress pants mostly on, zipper still undone. She disappeared into the bathroom.

"What was that honey?" she called back. He ran his fingers to his newly bleached hair, she'd done it for him an hour ago. It was still long and shaggy, but he was slightly more like his whole self.

"I said, dinner isn't for another two hours! Why are you smashing 'round 'ere like a butterfly on crack?" She emerged, blessedly still mostly nude. Those panties were rather redundant, he imagined one good tug would snap them off her.

"Spike, why aren't you dressed?"

"Because we have another two hours."

"Only? Shoot, I knew we shouldn't have made love again, I could've used that half hour."

"Ahem, forty eight minutes. Does it really take you birds three hours to get ready?"

"I want us to make a good impression."

"You save his and his daughter's life - I think he's about as impressed as he's gonna get."

"This is different, people act different when things aren't all apocalypty." He gestured to her to come over and she grumbled at first, but soon slid on to the bed and settled herself over him. She straddled his waist and sat down on his stomach, hands resting on his chest. She pouted, he loved it when she pouted. He mirrored her pushed out lower lip and earned and smack on his shoulder,"Don't make fun."

"You have spectacular knockers!"

"Spike!" He growled and pretended to bite at the perky nipples before him."I'm trying to be serious here, I can't always be your lustbunny!"

"Sorry, my heart, but I don't ever want to leave this room. I want to make love until we fall dead asleep from exhaustion, getting up only to eat, and really all I have to do is roll over n' have a nip. I want to lose myself in this beautiful woman who sits upon me. Seduction, desire, lust, love, devotion..."

"And only two hours to get ready. Sorry, vampy, the Buffy is not permitting visitors until after we get back home." He sagged, sunk deep into the mattress, disappointed, pouting. She loved it when he pouted. As she looked down on him, this pale skinned specimen of undead beauty, a dark thought came into her mind. She leaned forward, pressing her breast to his chest, setting her chin down and looking over his face,"Can I ask you something?" He perked up, giving her his full attention.

"Love? You sound worried."

"When Glory was after Dawn, that time and she held you prisoner, what sorts of things did she do to you?" He winced, then snaked his arms around her body, holding her close, taking the solace from her now that he couldn't back then.

"Rather not talk about it. It was a long time ago." She nodded against him and went to move away, but he held her still,"Cut me, with knives, glass, her fingernails. She beat on me, she pushed her fingers into me like my flesh wasn't even solid. She peeled strips of my skin off, said I was just like an apple. Then she strung me up from the ceiling and did it all again." Buffy was on the verge of crying and he caressed her bare back to soothe her.

"That's all? She didn't...she didn't?"

"Didn't what?" She moved to kiss him, hard and deep, full of need. When they parted he looked up at her at first with confusion, then with haunted understanding,"No."

"Promise? You can tell me."

"Nothing, just the torture. I'd stake myself before I'd ever be with any woman that wasn't you."

"She'd have forced you."

"No, she couldn't have, doesn't work that way. You okay?"

"Yeah." She sniffled and gave him a smile,"Sorry. You okay?"

"I'm perfect, love. And there's nothing to be sorry for, don't ever be afraid to talk to me. We're good with talking to each other. Haven't you noticed?"

"We do communicate well."

"In every way, like for instance right now you're about to panic when you realize you've got only one hour and forty five minutes to get ready."

"Omigod!" She was off him in a flash and back in the bathroom. He chuckled warmly and went in search of the rest of his suit.

***

Perhaps it was too much, especially with dropping to his knees before her, but Spike had always been the consummate drama queen. All Buffy had done was walk out of the bathroom in her gown and he'd been overwhelmed."I take it you approve?" she asked, twirling around in front of his enraptured gaze.

"My god, look at you..." he breathed out. The dress was of a nearly sheer fabric of midnight blue, with spaghetti straps and an empire waist, the dress was accented by randomly sewn on tear drop crystals. Buffy smiled and blushed, goosepimples spreading across her bare arms.

"Spike, you're embarrassing me." She moved away from him to look for the box with her new heels in them. Sitting down on the bed, she slipped her feet into the shoes that matched her dress. Spike came up behind her, crawling like a cat over the length of the queen sized bed. She shivered when his cool lips pressed upon her spine, this did nothing to help the goosepimples. Then she felt something else cold against her skin. The shimmering choker of diamond chips was being put around her neck. It concealed most of her throat and the bite marks, the netting of silver wires stringing innumerable uncut gems against her."Cold."

"You like cold things on your body, don't you?" He did up the clasp and slid his hands down her shoulders and arms, then around to cup and squeeze her ample breasts, unbound under the dress."Cold things inside your body..."

"Spike, the limo will be here soon."

"My cold, hard flesh, deep inside you, you're so tight it's almost too much, then my come filling you up...so...cold..." She pulled away from him with a growl, crossing over to the other side of the room.

"Evil vampire sex fiend!" He gave up and got off the bed, straightening out his black suit and tie over a black shirt,"God you look hot. Wait! No, I didn't mean that."

"So you're telling me I look bad?"

"Huh? No! Of course not, you always...." He arched his eyebrow at her, the one with the scar. She nearly swooned."Spike, honey..."

"Yes, my precious?"

"Stop being charming and handsome, please, just until we get through dinner?"

"Might as well ask the bloody sun to stop risin'. Buffy, you n' me, we're insatiable, we're perfect together. We love each other." She bravely closed the divide between them, curling her fingers under his collar and sliding them down the length of his jacket.

"Just a couple of weeks ago you didn't know an elephant from a bumble bee and now it's like a honeymoon. I want you very much right now, and I love you very much forever, but - there's a real world out there we have to remember we live in. John Westerberg wants to thank us for saving his daughter and I'd like to let him. No one ever thanks us, it's nice and I want to enjoy it. Wouldn't you like to see Jane? Your lady, the one who played you music and soothed you when I couldn't? Hmm?" The mood had shift at the mention of Jane's name. Suddenly he felt small and fragile, like he had been since earning his soul.

"I....I want to see her, but, I don't think she came to me because it was something I needed. Could've been Willow who dreamed her up just as easy."

"Well that's completely stupid." He looked at her with a wounded expression. Buffy sighed, then rested her hands on his hips,"You were suffering, horribly, I don't think even I could have gotten inside like Jane did. You're special, unique and it's high time you start to love yourself as much as I do." He hung his head, lost, but nonetheless moved in to cling to her. He exhaled, leaning down to lay his cheek on her shoulder, arms wrapped around her waist. She hugged him back as tight as she could.

 

Chapter 38 - Aspirations

"Why do I get the distinct impression we're walking into a bloody awards ceremony?" Spike grumbled as the limousine sent by John Westerberg pulled up to the front entrance of the estate. His fingers were laced with Buffy's and his thumb was tapping nervously on the top of her hand. He was completely unaware of how he was fidgeting, but she understood his apprehension. She smothered down a wayward curl atop his head and stroked at his temple.

"You look devastating," she whispered so only he could hear. He leaned into her touch, a strange soft sound rumbling from his throat."Love you." He turned into her, placing a kiss at the spot where her collar bones met at the base of her throat.

"Uncle, do remember you're not alone here," Giles spoke sardonically.

"Uncle?" Buffy questioned.

"It's a British thing, pet," Spike covered. Nikos, the new bane of Spike's existence, came around and opened the car door and extended his hand to aid first Dawn, then the other ladies out. Spike however was sure to slip out before Buffy, then turned to be the one to take his lady's hand. When the moon bathed the diamonds in light, blues and silvers reflected over her skin and in her eyes. Once again, overcome by her beauty, Spike breathed in a shaky breath, his eyes moistening.

"What's the matter?" He recovered quickly, shaking off the moment of weakness, then put her arm around his. He felt the slight weight of the ringbox in his breast pocket and smiled sweetly to her.

"Absolutely nothing, for the first time ever."

"Okay, good, you sure?"

"I'm sure." They followed the others to the front doors, Nikos going ahead and opening them wide to the Westerberg home,"Darling, you look wonderful tonight."

***

Spike remained quiet and reserved as Buffy parted from him to accept John Westerberg's welcoming them into his home and thanks for the rescue of his daughter. Spike leaned back against one wall, odd to find a Spanish suit of armor propped up next to him as if to herald the arrival of his fellow conquistadors. The whole of the Westerberg's estate was beautiful, immaculate, but it couldn't have been much of a home without Pauline and Jane. After his conversation with Giles, Spike had been reflecting back to who he'd been before he'd been sired. William never would have aspired to such a house, he never saw the world beyond the tip of his poet's pen on paper. Still, he was a bit envious of the place, it's stature, the art on the walls, the security it provided. He wanted to give that to Buffy. He knew her well enough to realize that jewelry and a big house was not what she wanted to be happy. Still, he wanted to give her more than just a ring.

"Spike?" Buffy asked for the forth time, giving him a little shake. He suddenly came back to himself, a little flustered at realizing that he'd zoned out completely in front of them. He observed further that Nikos was escorting all but he and Buffy to another part of the house,"Mr. Westerberg was talking to you."

"Sorry...sorry," Spike apologized.

"Call me John, I insist," the older man asked, then turned to the vampire,"Spike." John held out his hand and Spike stared at it for a moment before reluctantly taking it.

"William Suffolk, actually," Spike offered respectfully.

"Well then, Mr. Suffolk. I hardly know where to begin, except for thank you. I'm...I'm not usually an emotional man, but I've spent the better part of these past two days in tears, in gratitude for what you and Miss Summers have done for me. Jane is home and she's herself again, you gave me back the light in my soul that I thought had been snuffed out forever. I'm in your debt."

"It's what we do, rather, what the Slayer does. Been doin' it since she was 15 years old, sacred duty n' what not. I was just there."

"Not according to my daughter. Listen you two, I've had my people doing a little research on you. Of course there wasn't too much available on you, Mr. Suffolk past your, uh..."

"Death."

"Right. Mr. Giles provided my with your history with the Slayer, but what I'm referring to primarily is your personal life. Buffy, your mother's death, her medical bills, your own financial struggles seem woefully unfair considering the real work you do. I know you have a good job now and that it sustains your household...but just barely. It offers you no opportunity to provide a future for yourself. Though I certainly can't put a price on my daughter's life or my gratitude, I would at least make your life one where you don't have to worry about money, ever." He reached into his coat pocket and passed Buffy a slip of paper. Buffy nearly started choking when she looked at the sum on the cheque.

"Ten...this is ten million dollars!!" she exclaimed. She forced the paper back into John's hands, shaking her head,"I can't, thank you, but it's not necessary, I can't accept money for being the Slayer."

"I have another 300 million in change, but this isn't about money, this is about making both your lives and the lives of your friends alot easier while you fight evil."

"I can't accept your money..."

"I on the other hand, being a greedy sod despite the soul, can and will take your cheque," added Spike. The vampire reached out and plucked the cheque from John's hand, giving the man a wicked grin.

"Spike!" Buffy admonished,"It wouldn't be right."

"I insist Miss Summers," John encouraged.

"Come on, pet, think of it. You can pay off the mortgage on the house, set up a college fund for our lil' bit, concentrate on the slayin' n' fightin' the good fight."

"Very sound points there, son."

"Thanks mate. Oh, and Buffy..."

"What?" she replied, hands on hips, cross look on her face.

"Shoes."

"Pardon?"

"By Prada, Feragamo handbags, Anna Sui shirts, Stella McCartney skirts..." The Slayer got this lazy, euphoric gleam in her eyes, but quickly shook it off when she realized Spike's knowledge of designers rivaled her own.

"How do you know these people?"

"One of the inmates, used to be a drag queen. He knows his stuff...and he wouldn't bloody shut up about it! I was stuck in the hole with him for an entire day as he prattled on and on about it."

"I'm really hoping you got this information by osmosis rather than interest."

"I dunno Slayer, that Gaultier bloke's got a pleasantly fucked up imagination."

"Spike! Language in front of respectable people!"

"I don't mind," John interjected.

"He doesn't mind..." Spike continued. The bell rang for dinner.

"Shall we?" John offered.

"I think I like you better when you were insane, you had very nice Victorian manners."

"I can still be a gentleman my sweet," Spike replied, extending his hand to her. She placed her's in his grasp and he brought it to his lips to bestow a kiss before placing it on his arm to lead her in to dinner. They walked a good long ways behind John, the heels of Buffy's shoes sounding loudly on the marble floor, her head on Spike's shoulder."I'm also thinking a trip to Frederick's of Hollywood is also in order, perhaps Victoria's Secret."

"That's not what I mean by Victorian."

"I know. Love me?"

"Love you very very much."

"Good."

 

Chapter 39 - Life and Ladies

John stopped half way to the dining room and turned back to the pair to speak,"Dinner won't be for a little while, why don't I escort Miss Summers? Spike.....Jane would like to see you." Buffy wasn't certain vampire could have physical reactions like the one Spike was having until presently when he began to tremble just enough for Buffy to notice, if his heart beat it would be racing.

"Me?" he squeaked, then coughed emphatically to mask his embarrassment.

"She's in the raboredum, it was always her favorite place, to sit in the sun and play her violin. She wants to play for us after dinner, she's nervous however having not done so in a year, but..."

"She still plays beautifully....trust me." John pointed down one offshoot of the hallway.

"It's that way."

***

For all the times he'd dreamed of her, Spike had never been so affected as this time. He found the lady Jane in her favorite spot, the arboredum she'd brought into his dreams. She looked less like a vision and more like a real girl, no longer helpless. She sat quietly with her knees pulled up under her, waiting for him. Spike was reluctant to disturb her. She however was well tuned to his presence, rising to her feet and smoothing out her black velvet dress. She waved to him then gestured for him to come over.

"Hello," he spoke quietly, nearly to a whisper. She smiled and reached her hand out for him. Tentatively he took it,"How are you?" She continued to smile sweetly and took up a pad of paper and a pen from near where they were standing.

She wrote,"Very well."

"Good to know, pet. Er, listen, I'm not too sure how to go 'bout this, but, uh...bloody hell - thank you just isn't enough. I don't know how you were able to do it or why you came to me, but you saved my life, saved my mind. You were the one good thing I could cling to, the anchor - you comforted me when I needed it the most. I'm in your eternal debt, Jane."

"There is no debt, you and Buffy save my life too, saved me from Fernridge and from Glory. I was in a dark void and your need called me out from it. We saved each other."

"Bein' the hero is the Slayer's job, I just ended up in the mess of it, as usual."

"No, it was you. Whatever you did took Glory out of me."

"You're alright now?" she nodded,"Right, then, uh...."

"Spike..." she'd spoken. It was faint and it took effort to do it, but she'd said his name. She took both his hands and held them between hers,"Thank you."

"You're a miracle!" She went back to her pen and paper, speaking was just baby steps for now.

"So are you - you're a vampire with a soul? Dad told me. Buffy's a lucky girl. You're pretty handsome too."

"I'm the lucky one, pet. But I know we wouldn't have had a chance if it weren't for you and for that I am eternally grateful."

"Invite me to the wedding."

"How did you?? Oh, that was rhetorical, wasn't it?" Jane smiled and nodded her head."Guess my secret's out, just hope she'll say yes."

"She will."

***

After Jane had gone onwards to dinner, Spike remained behind to contemplate everything that had transpired to lead him to this point. Africa seemed like forever ago and the future seemed a little less daunting. He reached inside his coat and brought out the beaten up ring box that was older than himself. He opened it and gazed upon the ruby, fiery as a demon's eye, but moreso like his love's heart.

"Spike?" he heard Buffy call. Quickly he put the ring away before she found him,"There you are."

"Hello, love." She eyes him curiously, he was a little bit sad.

"How did things go with Jane, we passed in the hall." Suddenly he was pulling her to him.

"Everything is perfect."

"Are you sure? You're doing that thing with your bottom lip when you're about to cry."

"I'm not about to bloody cry! I'm not some limp sissy arsed git who..."

"No, Spike, I didn't mean it like that. If you're upset I want to know about it. I want to fix it. Spike, you're the best man I've ever known, but I know you're still fighting. I need you to let me help you whether....it...I...I need to make it up to you....understand?"

"Yes, love, I do. If nothing else you and I are almost obsessed with making the other happy, which in my humble opinion is a very good way to be."

"Couldn't agree more." Pressing herself to him, Buffy caressed the back of his neck.

"Good, 'cause I'm feeling an impulse action about to spring?" Buffy gulped.

"On me?" With a growl his mouth descended to take hers.

"Oh yes."

 

Chapter 40 - Being Bad

Taking her hand in his, Spike spirited them through the large house until he found somewhere that could be construed as safe for what he had in mind.

"Spike what on earth are you doing? Dinner is....Oooh!" He pulled her into a room with him and quickly locked the door before flipping on the lights. It was one of no doubt many lavish bathrooms in the Westerberg mansion."Explain to me what....oooooh..." This time her outburst was one of surprise lust, his hand cupping a breast and giving it a firm squeeze before he traveled lower down her body.

Spike knelt down in front of her and Buffy leaned back against the wall, biting her lip. His hands travelled up the length of her legs under her dress and Spike was surprised at how her body was shaking, obviously she was nervous about getting caught. He promised himself he'd be easy on her, he'd stop if she asked. His hand rested on her mound, her satin panties clinging to her. Spike's hand moved a little lower and gently tugged the fabric aside, once Spike noticed the moist heat near his fingers he began lightly toying with the edges of her quivering sex, back and forth along her soft slit, waiting for the wetness to become apparent. Buffy's hand grabbed on to his collar and she whimpered.

"What's the matter pussycat? Am I rubbing your fur the wrong way?" She responded by lurching her hips forward against his hand. Spike took the action as permission to continue. He playfully parted her folds and stroked a little deeper, from the end, all the way to the little protrusion that had made it's appearance. She was practically purring as he touched her, then let out a fierce gasp when she felt the stretching by two of his fingers as he pushed inside. He circled his fingers inside her, slowly, skillfully, letting them touch every recess, every inch of delicate skin. His thumb concentrated on her nub, gently brushing against it. Her juices began to flow down his hand as she approached her climax and her entire lower half shook. Spike got to his feet, not letting his manipulations of her body wane for a second. He caressed her face that tense and contorted."Buffy?" She opened her eyes, they were watery and pleading."You want me to stop?" She shook her head. He leaned his face in and began to kiss her, soft and tender. Suddenly she cried out into his kiss as her orgasm crashed into her. Spike groaned from the tight contractions around his fingers, the gush of wetness, the receptive grinding motions of her hips. When it had ended she fell forward, limp and uneasy. He supported her, held her, hugged her close to him. He withdrew his fingers and brought them to his mouth for a taste, pure honey, just like always."Mmmm...appetizer."

"You're still evil, you know that?"

"Big Bad through and through."

"Wash your hands, we're late for dinner. Do I look okay?"

"Glowy, alive, beautiful." She touched a tissue to her upper lip, taking off the tiny beads of sweat.

"What you mean by that is I look like I've just been ravished in the bathroom! You know sometimes I could just stake you!" She turned and examined herself in the mirror, noting how he'd made her nipples stand erect under the fabric of her dress,"Errrr!! Spike, look! They're gonna know!" Without the warning of his reflection, his hands came over her shoulder and down the front of her dress, taking hold of her breasts and mauling them as his lips devoured the back of her shoulders. She swatted at him, in vain, trying to squirm away,"Bad vampire! Bad! Bad!" He let her go, snarling in her ear, his fangs gnawing at her flesh. He gathered up the fabric of her dress in his hands, pulling it further up until it was over her waist. Spinning her around, she caught his shoulders to steady herself,"Don't you dare, I'm warning you!"

"Still evil, pet, still evil." He picked her up by her waist, depositing her bare bottom on the cold marble. She pouted.

"I like these panties though." With a snap they were gone and tucked into the inside breast pocket of his suit jacket.

"I'll get you some new ones." He unbuttoned his jacket, and went to his belt, unbuckling it and working down his zipper.

"Spike, we can't. They're in the dining room waiting for us! This is so...." His buckle made a loud din on the floor when his pants fell.

"Bad, baby. Come on Buffy, let's be bad." He pulled her to the edge of the counter and slid inside, immediately beginning to thrust in and out.

"Evil, evil, evil, evil, vampire....ooh, yes, right there. Mmm, do it again." A little twist, a rise in his pelvis as he withdrew and she was lost."Ooooh!!" Maniacally, she stripped off his tie and undid the buttons of his shirt, pushing it off his shoulder and exposing his pale, hard chest.

"Like that Slayer? Want me to do it again?" He did anyways and she tightened her thighs around his waist, making it difficult for him to do his little trick. His hand dipped in between them and he began to lovingly stroke her nub, she melted.

"Spike...spike...spike..." She pulled him against her, wrapping her legs securely around his waist, kissing his neck and and tightening her inner muscles around him, making his withdrawal more difficult, making them both moan with shocks of pleasure.

"My sweet girl, my beautiful sweet Slayer....grrrrr..." He moved her closer to him, grinding their bodies together, kissing her throat, her chest, pulling down the straps of her dress so he could feast on her breasts. His lower half moving back and forth, he consumed the flesh of her breasts as they reached a fevered pitch of movement and sound. Consumed with lust, his demon came forth, sinking his fangs into her breast. At that moment she in return bit into the back of his neck and climaxed. He followed quickly with her, coming hard, feeling as if he needed to be even closer, inside her soul. She sucked in rhythm with her contractions around his cock, milking him of his release as she took his blood from him. He released her breast and kissed at arm and her shoulder, satiated and euphoric.

Minutes later she stopped, licking up the love bite, making all sorts of yummy little noises at his ear,"I can't believe we just did this." He slipped out of her, quickly grabbing a handful of tissues to clean her up.

"You bit me, I can't believe you really bit me!" She busied herself with straightening his shirt and tie, righting the upper half of his outfit.

"Sorry, I just couldn't help myself and hey...." She looked down at the two puncture wounds in her breast,"Those are gonna bruise!"

"I'm sorry, baby, but you're so tasty." She hopped off the bathroom counter and let her dress cascade back down to her ankles."And...and you bit me!"

"Well, maybe I think you're tasty too."

"No, love, you bit me during sex."

"Which you do to me all the time."

"Yes, but when you bite a vamp during sex, you're claiming him. Marking him as yours and no one else's."

"That's what you've been doing with me? Oh my god." Sudden panic on the vampire's part.

"I'm, god, I'm sorry, Buffy, I thought it would be alright...you said you loved me..." She rolled her eyes and got down to a crouch, then stood up, bringing his pants with her.

"I do love you, silly vampire, and the whole claiming thing is perfectly fine, it's wonderful in fact so don't get all crazy Spike on me again. I'm claimed, yours, and no one else's. So now you're mine right?" She tucked his shirt into his pants and fastened his belt.

"I've always been yours, willing slave n' all that."

"Not my slave, just my love."

 

Chapter 41 - Promises

They tried to sneak to the table, but it wasn't exactly easy to be inconspicuous in a room that was as open as a cathedral, the walls lined with various staff and the place illuminated with tall pillar candles and a chandelier. The others were all enthralled with conversation, but both Spike and Buffy caught a few accusing glances as the two sat down at their places side by side at the dinner table. Buffy cleared her throat and looked with great interest at the cutlery. Dawn leaned in from beside her and gave her a nudge.

"You missed the soup," the younger Summers teased in a whisper,"I hope you didn't break anything, we can't afford to pay for it and I know how you two are with the rough and tumble."

"We can afford it. For the record we didn't break anything. We just...."

"Save it Buffy and you might want to watch out, he's is about to...too late." Sure enough Spike's hand was on her thigh, kneading and squeezing.

"He's evil, what can I do?"

"Have sex on the table? Or get under the table and suck his..."

"DAWN!!" Buffy cleared her throat again, pushing Spike's hand away and smiling innocently at everyone before scowling at her sister,"Behave yourself."

"Look who's talking, you're the one who just screwed her boyfriend - where was it, in a bathroom?"

"Shhh!"

"May I have a moment," John asked, standing at the head of the table.

Spike listened to John Westerberg give his speech about family, salvation, miracles, all with a nervous hope inside his undead body. He cast glances at those around the table, but when his eyes settled upon the girl seated next to him, the feeling amplified exponentially. Inconspicuously, he reached into her lap for her hand. Her first reaction, given their secret love making in the bathroom a few moments ago, was to shoo him away. Showing that he intended something quite different, he closed his hand over hers, simply holding it. She breathed in deep, he saw her eyes moisten and her lips playing into a smile. She squeezed his hand with hers.

Now, he sought her out again, the melodic sounds of Jane with her violin behind him as he joined her on the terrace, dinner over an hours ago and every one enjoying the young girl's playing. When his hand touched her bare she shivered.

"Look at you in the moonlight, shimmering with diamonds, you're so lovely Buffy," he spoke, his other hand moving around her waist to pull her back against him. She smiled and leaned back against him, sinking into his body.

"The night is lovely, all the stars are out. I feel so at ease right now, we so rarely get to rest, but I think we'll be okay for a while."

"Until the next baddie comes along, it's not much of a life for you, love, just waiting for something to come and try and end it."

"What is the life of a Slayer, Spike? It's violence, it's death. Most of all it's short. What about a vampire's? Death, blood, more violence, it's forever. So how come we're here? Together, loving each other? It's not something I think we'll ever get to know I don't care if I never know why we have what we have. I just want to live every single last second of it to the fullest."

"Does this mean I can't sprawl in front of the telly watching Monty Python reruns with beer n' blood at 2am?"

"Sprawl anywhere you like honey, that's not what I meant."

"Pet, I know. I believe that we've got a good number of years ahead of us, I intend to make them the best for both of us. I want to take care of you, not that you need it, that lesson I've learned well. I want to make it so you fall asleep happy and wake up the same way. I want to spare you as many trials and woes as I possibly can. I want to fight at your side, sleep in your bed, make love with you, make a life with you..." His voice fell to a hush and he exhaled the last of his breath against her throat. He kissed her cheek and let her go, backing away slightly to fish into his pocket for the ring box. Without turning to face him, Buffy gathered up her courage, she had something to say to him also.

"Spike, it's all happened so fast for us, we rushed into being together just like the first time, but I want you to know that it's different this time. I love you so much, I can't hold anything back anymore. I can't ever deny that you're mine and that I'm proud of it. I want you to know that I trust you with my heart, my body, my soul...we've come so far..." She sighed and laughed a little to herself,"Look, I don't mean to get all girly, though I know you're a romantic, but I also know you know what kind of girl I am, so here goes nothing. Will you marry...." She turned around, wanting to see the look in his eyes, but found herself the one overcome. He was down on bended knee, looking up at her and presenting her with a ring,"...me...Oh my god..."

"I know it's not much of a ring, but I hope you can accept it and be my wife. My mother...she..."

"Your mother's wedding ring?" Within the very first moment of seeing the red jewel and the pearls in the moonlight there were tears streaming down her beautiful face.

"There...there's a story behind how I got it, but if it's not what you'd like..."

"Oh you idiot!!" She hauled him to his feet and threw her arms around him, hugging him so tightly a normal human's ribs would have cracked,"It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life!"

"Well, then bloody well let me go so I can put it on you! Silly bint." She reluctantly released him and let out another deluge of tears as he slipped the engagement ring on her finger,"Perfect fit, knew it would be." He admired her, his head tilting to one side as it often did. She placed her hand on his heart and tipped her face up to kiss him. The touch was slow and tender, perhaps the softest kiss they'd ever shared, certainly the one that held the most promises.

THE END

 

 

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