Life Eternal
by  Kyra Storm

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Feedback: Like it lots. kyrasdreaming@aol.com
 

Summary: 7 years after the end of Angel, The First Evil has joined forces with Wolfram and Hart to take over our realm. The Scoobies and what's left of the AI team need any and all help they can get to defeat this new threat, especially since Buffy has been missing for the past three years. This story will be Spuffy eventually, but there is another woman in Spike's life up until then.

This story is probably going to be pretty dark and depressive so be warned. Thank you, Kyra

Chapter 1 Reunions

The dark club was packed tight with humans and demons alike, over the loud speakers a DJ was mixing The Misfits with a heavy dance beat while scantily clad dancers moved sensuously in cages scattered throughout the main room.

Three figures made their way carefully around the edge of the dance floor each scanning the room, searching for someone.

"They choose to live in this place?" The female shouted the large man next to her, so she could be heard over the pounding music. With the flashing colored lights it was hard to tell whether the blue on her skin and in her hair was natural or a result of the lighting.

"They own this place, from what I understand they live above it." He answered her, his eyes never stopped their movement around the room. Occasionally they would flash a glowing amber color as he peered into the dark corners he couldn’t see with his regular senses.

A large scaled demon with three eyes and long fangs swayed drunkenly into the group. He growled at them menacingly, but even though it wasn’t their fault they quickly backed away not wanting to draw attention to themselves until they found who they had come here to see.

"This place is right up his alley, loud obnoxious music and drunken, violent demons." The last member of their group, muttered. He was the only full human of the three, but it was obvious to anyone who noticed them that he knew his way around a dangerous situation.

Actually anyone sober enough to pay attention knew to stay away from the three as the made their way deeper into the night club. Vibes were pretty important in a place like this and these three gave off the a very dangerous vibe to anyone who came near them.

“From everything we’ve heard this is the hottest demon night spot in three realms. They have some of the biggest names come in from different realities to hang out here.” The large man started to explain, but just then he spotted one of the ones they were looking for headed to the bar in the back. "There’s one of them." He told the others, pointing at the tall, thin, green skinned demon wearing a day glow orange suit and ordering drinks at the bar.

They made their way through the crowd quickly and over to the bar. They stood behind the demon and waited for him to turn around and notice them.

"The people at table 12 need two bottles of champagne, a strawberry margarita and two pints of human, B negative. And don't be stingy, these guys are major VIP’s." After he finished his order he turned around and blinked when he saw who was standing before him. All the good cheer left his face only to be replaced with anger and suspicion.

"Angel." He whispered.

Angel gave him a small smile. "Hello Lorne, you're looking well. Nice place you have here." Thankfully they had a few moments in between songs so Angel didn’t have to scream to be heard.

Lorne licked his lips looking around nervously, before recovering himself, ever the Host, he regained his equilibrium. "Thanks, Angel-cakes. I'd say you look well too, but that would be a waste since we know you never change." He lost his smile again for a split second as he glanced at the woman standing next to Angel. "Illyria, still blue I see. Ever think about updating your color?"

Illyria tilted her head to the side regarding Lorne seriously. "Why should I care what color this shell is?"

Lorne just shook his head and turned to the third member of the party. "And who is this? I don't believe I've met this tall, dark and mysterious pirate."

The man reached out his hand. "Xander Harris, but don't let the patch fool you, I haven't plundered any ships lately." Lorne shook his hand.

"Ohh, a nice firm grip and quick witted. I like that." He went to laugh before stopping abruptly. "Wait a minute. Xander Harris? As in Xander Harris, friend of Buffy Summers? World renowned demon hunter, Xander Harris?"

"That would be me, but I don’t know how world renowned I am."

The bartender by now had finished Lorne's order and tapped him on the shoulder to let him know it was ready.

"Oh thank the Powers." Lorne exclaimed before he could stop himself as he turned to grab the tray. He turned back with his drink order in hand. "Well it was great seeing you Angel-pie. I would love to sit and catch up, but a Host's duties are never finished. Feel free to have a drink on the house. If you'll excuse me I have a table of VIP's waiting."

Lorne moved around them while he was talking. He nodded once at Xander. "It was nice to meet you Mr. Harris. Please refrain from killing any of my clients, tonight we have a strict no violence policy in effect here. Illyria, always a pleasure." He didn't even look back at her, in his rush to get away from them.

Lorne was hoping against hope they would just let him walk away and then leave he didn’t know why there were here, but he was certain it wasn’t just a stop in for a drink.

"Uh, Lorne." Angel's voice called after him. Internally he cursed, but outwardly he showed no signs of hearing only quickened his pace slightly.

When he reached the VIP area he breathed a sigh of relief. They hadn't come after him so he could only assume they must have decided to leave him alone. He quickly dropped off the drinks and schmoozed the clients for a few minutes, after making sure they were happy and occupied he left them and ducked out a small door that led outside to the back alley. Looking around to make sure he was alone, he walked over to a window sill and pulled a cigarette from the pack his partner hid there.

After lighting the cigarette and taking a deep drag he began to calm down. He debated about going upstairs and filling his partner in on their "guests" before deciding against it. Tonight was supposed to be a very important night for him and his lady and something like this would definitely kill the mood.

"Are those as bad for your kind as they are for humans?" Illyria's voice asked him. Lorne let out a yell and jumped.

"I did not mean to startle you, but we were not finished speaking with you when you ran away."

"I did not run away." Lorne said. "I have no reason to run from anyone in my own club."

"Fine, you did not actually run away from us. You walked briskly away from us hoping we would not follow you." Illyria amended her previous observation. She turned her head and addressed the two men standing behind her. "I thought you said it was not necessary to not be literal all the time."

"We'll work on the timing of that later." Xander told her as he and Angel approached them.

"Look, whatever you guys are selling, we're not interested." Lorne was visibly upset at this point. "And if he finds out you're hear, you'll be thrown out on your ears. So why don't you just save yourselves the trouble and leave now?"

When the three of they didn't move, just continued to stare at him, Lorne's agitation went up another notch. "Why can't you just leave us alone? We're out of the save the world business."

Angel sighed. "Its not that simple, Lorne." He told him.

"Yes it is!!" Lorne yelled. "You turn around and you walk away and you forget you ever found us. We don't want any part of any of it!!"

Angel went to speak again, but Xander spoke before he could.

"Look, I understand how you feel, believe me, I do. However, we're in a lot of trouble here and if we don't pull together none of us are going to be here soon, because there won't be a free world anymore. We need the all the allies we can get and we need the best fighters we can find."

"We need you, Lorne." Angel added. "And we need Spike."

"Why? Why do you need us?"

"Wolfram and Hart has joined up with the First Evil. Together they want to enslave this plane of existence and use the energy they harness from here to destroy the rest of the realms in the universe." Illyria informed him succinctly.

Lorne just laughed in disbelief. "Are you kidding me? And what chance do you think we have against them combined?"

"We stand a better chance facing them together than spread out around the world worrying about our own petty differences." Xander told him.

Lorne was silent as he thought over what they had told him.

"Sing for me." Lorne told Xander. Having already been briefed on Lorne's gifts Xander immediately sang a very off key version of Row, Row, Row Your Boat. He didn't even get to the 'merrily, merrily' part before Lorne told him to stop.

Lorne looked up at the sky and took a deep breath. "Ok then, I guess you're telling the truth. We better go talk to Spike. I have to warn you, we're going to be interrupting something very special for him. I hope you guys know he won’t be very happy to see you and he’s not going to be happy about this."

"None of us are." Angel told him dryly.

Lorne opened the door to go back into the club, but before he stepped inside he looked back at Angel. "I lied before. It really isn't great to see you, Angel."

No one said anything as they followed him back into the club.

Chapter 2

Soft music played over the stereo upstairs in Spike's apartment. The living room was aglow in soft candlelight. Dishes and food lay scattered on the kitchen table, the remains of a romantic dinner now forgotten.

Spike sat on the floor in front of the couch, shirtless with a cigarette in one hand. He looked down lovingly at the woman with her head in his lap as he played with her short spiky hair.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" He asked her softly.

Her almond eyes stared into his unblinkingly.

"More than anything." She answered with no hesitation and then she studied him. "What about you?"

He answered automatically. "Of course it is." He tried to ignore the hazel eyes and blonde hair that he could see in his mind's eye, but they still captured his attention. He refused to even acknowledge the pain and loss he felt when they flashed at him.

Because he was so caught up in ignoring the woman from his past who was only in his head, he didn't notice the hurt look on the face of the woman with him. He never saw the way her eyes dulled as she watched him get lost in his memories of someone else.

"I bought something special to wear for this occasion. You stay right here, I'm going to get changed." The happy carefree voice she affected along with the kiss she placed on his lips as she stood up brought Spike back from his thoughts.

“I can’t wait to see what you bought.” He told her with a leer. She winked at him before darting into their bedroom.

Spike had met Raven a few weeks after he and Lorne had opened the club. When the tiny Asian girl had come in looking for a job, with her knee-high, blue velvet Doc Martins, her short leather skirt, tight white T-shirt with 'The Ramones" printed across it, and spiked black hair tipped in bright blue, Lorne had assumed she wanted to work as a dancer or a waitress. When she explained that she was there about the bouncer position, Lorne didn't know what to say.

Spike, who had been interviewing bartenders near by, overheard the conversation and had sauntered over to laugh directly in her face. She took his taunting and in response challenged him to a fight.

The two sparred for about 15 minutes and Spike learned quickly that what the girl didn't have in strength, she made up for in skill. She had been trained in several different forms of martial arts and her speed made it difficult for Spike to really get an edge on her.

After taking great pleasure in pinning Spike to the floor, she let him up and explained that she was from a small town in Japan that was built over a Hellmouth. The Japanese people being very insular, had not wanted to contact the Watcher's Council for help, so they trained their own fighters to protect the people. Raven had come from a long line of these warriors and had devoted her entire life to protecting the village. Then Buffy and Willow had cast the spell activating all the potential Slayers and suddenly the Japanese people had Slayers of their own to protect them. Leaving Raven without a job or purpose.

Spike agreed to hire her on a trial basis. He amended that after her first night on the job when he watched her diffuse a potentially dangerous situation easily. The capable way she handled herself along with the cheeky comments she threw out at their troublesome clientele endeared her to him right away. Spike told himself it had nothing to do with the fact she reminded him of Buffy when he had first met her.

Six months after he hired her, Raven moved in with him.

Spike knew he was lucky to have found this amazing woman. She was perfect for him; Raven could be equally at home in a mosh pit at a concert or dressed up at the opera, she loved punk music almost as much as she loved a good brawl, she was educated and had exquisite taste in art and literature. In fact one of their favorite activities was to stay up all night and debate the merits of different poets and authors.

The best part was she loved him. She truly loved him totally and completely, never hesitating to say it or show it. Even with all she had been through protecting her town from demons and vampires she never judged him because he was a vampire. The fact that he was a vampire rarely even came up between them.

Spike asked her once, in the beginning of their relationship how she could be so open-minded after all she had seen. She had simply told him, that unlike the Watcher's Council her teachers understood that you had to deal with every living creature as an individual. That was the only allusion she ever made about Buffy.

Spike had never told her about Buffy, he never talked about Buffy at all to anyone. He talked about Drusilla from time, but talking about Drusilla didn’t bring up the pain thoughts of Buffy did. It wasn’t that Spike was trying to keep his past relationship with Buffy a secret, he was just afraid of the emotions speaking of her would bring up. He was certain he had done the right thing years ago by not tracking her down, but he never really got over the desire to go to her. Now Spike believed if he just shut her out of his mind he would be free from the pull of her.

He was sure Lorne and Clem, who worked for them bartending, had told her the whole sordid story by now, but she had never pushed him to talk about it.

For the past five years Spike had lived happily with Raven, he thought they had everything. The perfect relationship and the perfect life, well perfect for a souled vampire and an ex protector of a Hellmouth.

Then one night not long ago, after a late night poker game Clem asked when Spike was going to take the plunge and make Raven his mate.

Spike hadn't known what to say. He had never even thought about asking her. Deep inside he knew it was because some part of him still held out hope that he and Buffy would find their way back to each other again. Spike spent the next few days thinking long and hard about what he wanted, before finally deciding that it was time to shut the door on the past and the dreams of the Slayer that still captivated his imagination.

Spike had been so nervous when he finally asked Raven, but he shouldn't have worried. The happiness in her eyes and the "yes" that came out of her mouth before he could finish asking her made his heart swell with love for her.

Spike knew this was something Buffy would never have consented to. He knew she would never have allowed herself to be so open and vulnerable with anyone, least of all him. Raven was the perfect match for him in every way.

That's why Spike couldn't understand why the dreams of Buffy had been occurring almost constantly since he had proposed to Raven last week. Dreaming of Buffy was nothing new to him. It seemed he had dreamed of nothing but her since he had realized his feelings for her all those years ago, but this was different. These dreams seemed real to him, each time she would appear to him crying uncontrollably, she would tell him how sorry she was and beg him to stop hurting her. Several times now he had woken up in a panic, looking around frantically for her, not realizing that it had only been a dream. Each time he had been surprised to see Raven's short dark hair next to him instead of Buffy's honeyed locks.

Spike put out his cigarette determinedly. It was just the past trying to hold onto him, knowing he was finally ready to move on. Tonight he was going to make Raven his mate. Tonight he was going to leave his past behind...

Spike's head shot up and whipped towards the door. He was in vamp face and growling when Raven reentered the room moments later dressed in a blue satin corset.

"So what do you think?" She asked seductively. When she saw where his attention was focused she immediately grabbed a sword off the wall behind her and stood behind Spike defensively, uncaring of her state of undress.

A knock sounded at the door, but neither one of them moved. After a moment there was another knock this time it was followed by Lorne's voice.

"Uh, Spike!" He called nervously. "Hey partner, I'm sorry to interrupt, but there are some people here who need to talk to you."

Raven watched as Spike visibly tensed even more.

"What's going on?” She asked him, but before he could answer there was a loud pounding on the door.

"Damn it, Spike, open the door." A male voice Raven didn't recognize yelled through the door. "We know you're in there and we're not leaving until we talk to you." He followed this up with more pounding.

Spike snarled and stalked over to the door and threw it open.

"What in the hell do you want, Peaches?" Spike focused on Angel and didn't notice the other people standing behind him.

"It's the Apocalypse, Spike. We've received information on what they are planning and its pretty bad. If we don't stop them now..." Angel spoke quickly.

"Oh please." Spike interrupted. "Haven't we done this before? The first time I burned to a crisp and got trapped inside a piece of jewelry that belonged on Liz Taylor and the second time I was almost flattened by a dragon. Fight your own battles, I'm out of the save the world business." Spike went to slam the door on Angel, but before he could Xander shoved his foot in the way.

"Just hear us out Spike." Xander spoke out. Spike's eyes grew huge as he recognized Xander almost immediately. He seemed taller and leaner, but it was still unmistakably Harris. Spike scanned the hallway for any other Scoobies or Buffy. He was relieved Illyria and Lorne were the only others present.

"Look Spike, I know we never got along. Mainly because you were a soulless killer who threatened to kill my friends and I on numerous occasions and once kidnapped me; but even after you started helping us I never cut you any slack. Now I've come halfway around the world to find you to ask for your help. That's how serious this situation is." Xander spoke quickly and earnestly trying to make Spike see the sincerity of his words.

Spike considered the man before him. "All right. I'm not jumping on this train of yours, but I will hear you out." He glanced behind him at Raven still standing there in her lingerie wielding her sword. "Better go get dressed, luv, we've got company." He said resigned.

Fifteen minutes later after Raven was more appropriately dress and the introductions were made Angel began explaining the situation.


"The Watcher's Council assumed since they had so many Slayers now it would be inevitable that they would start turning the tide on the Apocalypse. Unfortunately they didn't take into account that just because the girls were Slayers they weren't necessarily battle ready. They lost almost half of the new Slayers in the first two years, but by the time they realized and corrected their mistake several of the Hellmouths and demonic hotspots around the world had become extremely dangerous. They had to concentrate most of their efforts in pushing back the forces that had gathered there.

Only recently did they find out that this was all a ruse to distract them. Giles received word from one of his contacts that Wolfram and Hart has been amassing an army in a distant country in Asia with almost no contact to the outside world. They have also joined forces with The First Evil."

"Bloody Hell!" Spike exclaimed. "That's quite the recipe for trouble there."

"Oh don't worry it gets much worse." Xander said cryptically. Spike just stared at him in disbelief.

"Giles also received word that another coffin has gone missing from the Deep Well." Angel continued.

Spike gave a mirthless chuckle. "Old boyfriend of yours coming for a visit Blue?" He commented to Illyria.

"His name cannot even be pronounced in your language. The closest translation is 'Thunder Dragon'. He was the first of my kind to be imprisoned in the Deep Well. It was the only time we all banded together, but we knew if we didn't he would have only grown more powerful and destroyed us all. Even with all of us combined we almost failed to overthrow him."

"Sounds lovely." Spike commented. "So Wolfram and Hart, with the help of the First Evil, plan to resurrect this Thunder Dragon and use him to take over the world. Even the evil plots are old hat. What makes them think it will work this time? Blue hasn't exactly set the world on ear."

"You are a fool!! Even a fraction of his power would be greater than mine was at full strength." Illyria snapped at Spike. "It also seems he was smart enough to not choose a human to be his vessel."

"What do you mean? His vessel?" Raven spoke for the first time.

"There's a prophecy that says they're going to use a warrior of stone to call him into."

"What the bloody hell does that mean?" Spike asked irritated.

"Well, we have our best people working on that." Xander said apologetically.

"Oh really. Who's that? Andrew?" Spike asked.

"Dawn and Willow are helping out too." Xander said defensively.

"Just wonderful." Spike muttered. "Well," he said standing up. "I heard you out and I'm still not interested. I'm sure your army of Slayers together with..." He paused. He couldn't say her name, if he said the name out loud it would just make her real again. Tonight he was letting go of the past. “the veteran Slayers you'll do just fine."

Angel and Xander exchanged glances. Then Angel looked Spike directly in the eyes. "We don't know have any veteran Slayers left." He said gently.

Spike fell back into his seat. He didn't even notice the hand Raven laid on his shoulder.

What did Angel mean? Buffy couldn't be dead. He would know if she were dead, he would feel it. She couldn't be dead again.

"Faith was killed 3 years ago in a rescue mission." Spike waited for him to continue, waiting for him to tell him where his Slayer was. His Slayer, Buffy. She would always be his Slayer, even if he made Raven his mate, in his mind Buffy would always be his Slayer.

Spike just knew Angel was waiting for Spike to ask. He was going to make him say her name out loud for the first time in years. Spike swallowed thickly.

"And Buffy?" His voice came out as a whisper.

"We don't know." Xander answered him. "We lost track of her shortly after Faith died."

"Lost track of her? What does that mean? What aren't you telling me?" Spike felt sick inside.

Angel shook his head. "She wasn't the same Buffy either of us knew, Spike. She was..." Again Angel hesitated.

"She didn't want anything to do with us." Xander picked up the story. "She left the Council right after Faith's death and told us to leave her alone. Willow was able to track her for a while. Just so we could know she was safe, but then we lost her in the Congo and we haven't been able to find her yet."

"Do you think she's dead?" Spike addressed Xander. Harris seemed more capable of speaking of this than the Soul King.

Only this time it was Angel who answered. "We're fairly certain she's not." Spike could hear regret in his voice.

Spike was about to stand up and demand answers from them when Raven suddenly spoke up. "I think we should help them." She said. Spike looked at her in shock.

"What do you me 'we'? This isn't your responsibility." Spike told her.

"Of course it’s my responsibility, just like watching over the Hellmouth was my responsibility." Raven insisted.

"Not that we don't appreciate any help that we can get," Xander began. "But this is a pretty dangerous situation we're talking about here."

Raven smiled at him. "Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself."

"Yeah, she took Spike down the first time they met." Lorne interjected. He had been keeping himself occupied with fixing himself drink after drink while the others talked and this was the first comment he offered to the conversation.

Xander laughed. "What is it with you and women who beat you up?" He asked.

Spike was seriously considering breaking his neck when Raven spoke again. "So where exactly is it that they are raising this army?"

"Bhutan. The land of the Thunder Dragon."

"That makes sense." She said. "Are you gathering in Kathmandu then?"

"We don’t know yet, right now we're meeting at the Watcher's Council in England in three days time." Angel explained. "We have some more people we want to try and track down. We'll form a more definite battle plan from there. We want to be on the ground in Bhutan by the end of next week though."

"That doesn't give us much time to find someone to look after the club." Lorne told Spike.

Spike shook his head and stood up. "Are you two both daft?" He addressed Raven and Lorne. "I haven't agreed to go anywhere."

Spike started pacing, trying to wrap his head around everything that had happened in the last hour. Everything that was trying to rip his nice, quiet, happy life apart. Apocalyptic Battle. Harris in his apartment, being nice. Faith dead. Buffy missing, possibly dead.

Buffy couldn't be dead. His mind asserted again. He would know. He thought back to the dreams he'd been having for the last week. Was she hurt somewhere trying to reach out to him? He almost shivered at that thought.

Raven and the others sat and watched Spike pace and mutter to himself. Finally Raven turned to the others. "I think we need some time alone to talk about this."

"Actually we have a plane we need to catch." Xander said smoothly. "Whatever you decide thank you for at least hearing us out." He addressed Raven. She nodded at him, but her eyes were focused on Spike. Angel looked like he wanted to add in more, but Xander just shook his head and turned to walk out the door.

Spike didn't even look up as everyone filed out. Angel turned and looked back just before he walked out. "We'll leave the details with Lorne." He offered, but there was no response so he just closed the door and left.

After they had gone Raven watched Spike pace. "I know why you don't want to go." She told him.

"Because I don't feel like rushing to my death again, only to have it mean nothing, because there is just another apocalypse around the corner." Spike said snidely.

"No. You're afraid of Buffy."

Spike froze mid step. She had said Buffy's name. Raven had said Buffy's name. Buffy, his Slayer.

Raven continued unwilling to let him avoid this again. "You've tried to shut her out, but she's always with you." Her words unknowingly echoed Drusilla's from so many years ago. Spike shut his eyes, but he couldn't shut out her voice. "From what I understand she treated you horribly and she never could let herself love you. Yet, you carry her memory inside of you like a shrine. Do you think I haven't heard you saying her name in your sleep? Do you think I don't know who you go to when you disappear inside your head?"

Spike opened his eyes and looked at her. He could see the pain and hurt on her face. He had thought he had been so careful.

"Raven, I'm so sorry..." He began.

"No. There's nothing to be sorry for. I know you love me and I love you, but you also love her and I can't compete with a ghost. We need to do this. You need to face your past and put it to rest so we can move on with our lives together."

Spike nodded his head. What else could he do at this point? He was defeated.

"Let's go to England then."

Chapter III: What Happened to Buffy

A few days later found Spike, Raven & Lorne in London at the Watcher's Council waiting in a large conference room for Giles and the Scoobies to make an appearance. Spike had yet to sit down and had been pacing the floor continuously since they had arrived while the other two watched him dubiously.

"They make us drop everything at moments notice for their emergency then they keep us waiting here until its convenient for them." He growled for the third time in twenty minutes.

"Yeah, but the cheese tray they left out is delectable." Lorne told him. Spike stopped pacing for a moment and shot him a death glare. "What?!? I'm just saying..."


"Calm down, Spike. Working yourself up this much before we've even seen anyone isn't doing any good." Raven tried to soothe him.

"If they don't show up in the next five minutes we're out of here. Apocalypse be damned."

"I think that's the whole point of an Apocalypse." Lorne muttered. Spike just shot him another glare.

Several minutes later the door finally opened and Xander walked in looking sheepish. "I'm sorry we kept you waiting. Giles, Illyria and Angel got stuck in a meeting and I got tied up."

"No problem, Whelp. We love that we flew half way around the world to be ignored." Spike snarked at him.

Xander looked slightly embarrassed, but he met Spike's gaze levelly. "You need to know there has been some concerns from some of our people about you being here. Some of our team members aren't happy about it. I've tried to explain that we need your help, but they don't want to hear it."

Spike snorted. "So Rupert still wants me dead, eh?" He stood up and motioned for Raven and Lorne to get up as well. "If you think I'm going to stick around and wait for the Watcher to try and kill me again..."

"Its not Giles you have to worry about Spike." A bitter voice interrupted him. Spike turned and saw Dawn entering the room, the hatred on her face plain for anyone to see, focused directly on him. Willow and Andrew followed closely behind her.

"Nibblet?" Spike asked surprised.

"I told you before you don't get to call me that anymore!!" She marched up to him and stuck her finger in his face; her face was twisted with fury. "And let's just be clear, I was against them finding you. I told them to leave you under whatever rock you crawled beneath. I don't think you'll be helpful at all to us and you'll probably just wind up destroying someone else I care about!"

Spike opened and closed his mouth several times, but didn't know what to say to the angry young woman in front of him. He tried to figure out what he did that made her despise him so. Was she still mad about the attempted rape of Buffy in the bathroom?

Raven positioned herself next to Spike trying to draw Dawn's attention away from him for a moment.

"Excuse me." The petite girl said. "I can see you are very upset with Spike, but this situation will be easier on all of us if you try to calm down. Maybe we can talk through some of these issues you have with Spike. We have an Apocalypse to worry about we don’t need to be fighting amongst ourselves."

"Who the hell are you?" Dawn demanded. She then looked over at Xander. "Who the hell is she?" She asked again.

"Dawn, this is Raven." Xander spoke carefully as if that could hold back the young woman's rage. "She's Spike's..."

Dawn didn't let him finish. "You brought your latest skank with you?!? Here?"

"Dawn!!" Willow exclaimed.

"That's enough, Dawn." Xander snapped. He walked around the table and grabbed her arm. "We told you this was necessary."

"NO. Its not." Dawn wrenched free of his grasp as she looked at them all wildly. "After what he did to Buffy, how can you consider working with him?" She glared at Raven. "Are you a Slayer too? Are you the replacement for the Slayer he killed in China?" She sneered at her. No one noticed Giles, Angel and Illyria enter the room.

"All right that's it, Dawnie, let's go." Xander grabbed her arm again prepared to drag her from the room if necessary.

Raven's voice stopped him. "First of all, I'm not a Slayer, but I did spend a good portion of my life guarding a Hellmouth. Second, I'm Japanese, not Chinese. And third," Raven's voice lowered and she sounded deadly now. "I'm no one's replacement."

Dawn gave her a tight smile before looking into Spike's eyes. "Don't bet on it."

"Dawn that will be enough." Giles snapped alerting the rest of the room to his presence for the first time. "I don't care what your personal feelings for Spike and his companion are, we have more important things to worry about right now."

"Do you even care about what happened to Buffy? How can you let him in here after that?"

"What happened to Buffy wasn't Spike's fault, Dawn." Angel said, his voice sounded flat.

"He wasn't anymore to blame than the rest of us." Willow told her gently.

"Including you." Xander added.

Dawn's face crumbled and tears started pouring down her face. She turned and quickly ran out of the room.

"I'll go make sure she's ok." Andrew said. He turned back at the doorway. "Its nice to see you again, Spike." He said with a small smile, and then left without another word.

An oppressive silence filled the room; everyone was lost in their own thoughts and memories for a few moments, before Giles broke the silence.

"I suggest we get down to business, we have a lot to go over and ..."

"No." Spike's voice was firm. "You want our help, then you give me answers first."

"Answers?" Giles asked almost innocently.

"Yeah, answers." Spike nodded. "Why does the Bit blame me for what happened to Buffy and what exactly did happen to Buffy? Why does Angel look ill every time her name is brought up? And why does Red and the Whelp look like they are going to cry every time I mention her?"


Giles sighed heavily. "All right." He sat down and everyone else followed his lead. Spike watched Giles carefully as he seemed to collect his thoughts. The past decade had not been kind to the older man. Dark circles haunted his eyes and deep wrinkles creased his face. More than that there was the defeated look in his eyes, as if he had already seen the end of the world and they had lost. Spike waited for him to begin so he was surprised when it was Xander who began the tale.

"It started about five years ago we really hadn't seen too much of Buffy since Angel showed up after the battle in LA." Xander told him. "She never really got over your death in the Hellmouth and then when she found out that you had come back and didn't tell her, well..."

"She took it pretty hard. Actually she took it worse than hard, she was devastated." Willow picked up the story. "You know Buffy, though. She wouldn't talk about it and she wouldn't show how much it hurt her."

Xander sighed. "She threw Andrew out of their apartment and told him if he ever came near her again she would kill him for not telling her you were back. She also shut us out after that, she shut everyone out, even Dawn. Honestly, we probably let her, we were too caught up with everything that was going on in our own lives." He and Willow exchange and guilty look before Xander went on.

"Dawn said Buffy seemed to give up on any kind of normal life after the battle in Los Angeles. She broke things off with the Immortal. She became almost completely nocturnal, she would sleep all day and hunt or patrol all night. She found a demon bar that held fights every weekend and signed up to participate.
Dawn never really got to see too much of her, either, she was busy with school and trying to have a normal life. Dawn worried about her sister, but she couldn’t get through to her. Then one morning Dawn was getting ready for school when Buffy came home covered in blood. Dawn saw her come in and asked what happened, but Buffy wouldn't answer her, she walked right past her looking dazed and locked herself in her room."

"Xander and I were both here working when Dawn called begging us to come to Italy. We left immediately." Willow said quietly. "When we got there, Dawnie was beyond freaked. Buffy still hadn't come out of her room and she was terrified her sister was lying there dead. We knocked on Buffy's door and called in to her that we were there. Nothing happened for a few minutes so we knocked again. Then the door flew open and out came Buffy still covered in blood, her clothes were soaked with it. She grabbed me by the shoulders and started yelling at me. She wanted to know what I had done to her." Willow's voice broke slightly and Spike could see tears in her eyes. "I didn't know what she was talking about. That's when we saw the knife in her hands." Willow looked over at Xander as the tears began to fall down her face, and Xander took over again.

"She raised up the knife and stabbed herself in the chest with it." Xander said.

"Oh my god." Raven breathed. "She killed herself!!" She looked at Spike to see him sitting there stunned.

"No. She didn't die. She couldn't die." Xander said.

"What do you mean she couldn't die?" Spike asked.

"My resurrection spell did more than resurrect her. It made her immortal." Willow whispered.

"Bloody Hell." Spike exclaimed

"We finally managed to calm Buffy down and get her cleaned up, but she was still upset. She kept telling us she was hurting Dawn more by being around her and living like she was, but she couldn't stop. Hunting and patrolling were the only things that didn't make her feel completely alone." Xander went on.

"She said all the men she loved left her because she was such a horrible person. She couldn't be a normal person and she didn't know what to do anymore. Now that she was immortal, she was terrified it was going to be like this forever."

"Willow and Xander called me at this point." Giles jumped in. "Since patrolling and hunting had become her main comfort I thought that sending her out into the world to work specific hot spots of demon activity would be ideal. I believe you have heard already that we had lost control of some of the Hellmouths by sending inexperienced Slayers in. I thought Buffy could get to see the world and meet different people as well as indulge in the violence that seemed to become the focus of her life. I didn't know what else to do with her." Giles took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes tiredly. "I felt like it was my fault for taking her childhood away and making her into this. I was her Watcher, if I had done a better job than none of this would have ever happened to her."

Spike looked at Angel. "Where were you while all this was going on?"



Angel gave him a thin smile. "When Buffy found out I knew you were back I got the same treatment Andrew got. She told me she would never forgive me for keeping the two of you apart. Of course we all thought you died after the battle in LA."

"So she doesn't know I'm still here?" Spike asked.

"No she was told, but we'll get to that." Giles said quietly.

"So she feels alone, rejected and you lot send her out into the world to fight Big Bads? Let me guess that’s when you lost her?"

"It actually gets much worse." Xander said dully.

"How can it get much worse?" Spike demanded, his anger starting to get out of hand.

"Buffy was on assignment in Brazil when she was kidnapped by a Master Vampire and its minions. She had been reporting in infrequently so it took us a couple of weeks before we knew something was amiss." Giles continued, he ignored Spike’s snort of disbelief. "I had received a report from Brazil about vampires that seemed to have super strength attacking small towns. We tried to contact Buffy, but when we couldn't reach her, I sent two younger Slayers in to investigate both the attacks and Buffy’s disappearance. Both girls were killed within 24 hours, but not before one managed to get a report out.” Giles sat his glasses on the table and took a deep breath to gather himself for what was coming next.

“Her report stated that Buffy had been kidnapped and the vampires responsible had planned on turning her. Unfortunately you can't properly turn an Immortal they can’t die. The vampire responsible had her chained to a wall where she was used by the whole nest, they tortured her, raped her, beat her and drained her repeatedly. At some point, maybe the first time or maybe after repeated attempts, a demon did enter her body, but by then she was catatonic from her mistreatment." Giles looked at Spike who just stared at him wide eyed. "You know how powerful Slayer blood is. So I'm sure you can imagine what a daily diet of it did to the nest. We sent Faith Xander and Willow down to try and rescue Buffy with a full dozen younger Slayers."

Willow had gotten her tears under control and picked up the story again. "I lost Faith during the battle and I don't know exactly what happened, but by the time I reached Buffy she was standing over Faith in game face with blood around her mouth. Faith's throat had been ripped out. There were several minions also lying on the ground with their throats ripped out as well. I don't know if they got Faith and then Buffy took care of them or if Buffy got free and killed Faith and the minions in her rage.
I put a sleeping spell on her and we got her out of there and brought her back here to recuperate."

Willow took a deep breath. "She never came fully back. Every time she was awake the Slayer part of her and the demon part of her would be fighting inside of her for control. There was also the emotional and mental damage from the torture and abuse she under went. After weeks with no progress and I finally decided to try and go inside her head, like I did after Glory took Dawn. I tried to show her how to partition her mind and gain control over the factions fighting inside of her. Not long after that, she managed to break my sleep spell and get out, she left a note scribbled on a sheet of paper that we should let her go and not try to find her. Xander went out to try and find her and I tried to track her with magic. We were able to follow her for a while, but then we lost her in Africa a little over three years ago.”

"Tell me you killed the vamp responsible for this." Spike growled at them. "Tell me you tortured the son of a bitch and then dusted him." No on spoke. "Well, did you make him pay for this?" He demanded.

"Spike, it was Dru." Angel told him.

"No." Spike shook his head. When no one denied Angel's words Spike slammed his hand down on the table and yelled. "NO!!" The tears that up until now were pooled in his eyes brimmed over and ran down his face, but he didn't notice. Raven tried to reach out to comfort him, but he stood up and turned away from everyone at the table.

"She thought if she turned Buffy we would go back to her. She wanted to get her family back. That's how Buffy found out you were still alive. Drusilla knew of course you weren't gone. She would have sensed it." Angel explained

Everyone was so caught up in the drama unfolding before them none of them noticed Illyria stand up and begin to walk towards on of the walls curiously. She stared at it intently almost as if she could see through it.

Spike turned back to the group sitting down. "You should have told me. I could have helped. I could have..." He felt nauseous, the room around him seemed to swim and turn. Drusilla, his sire, and the woman he loved for over one hundred years was responsible for destroying the light of his life. Because of him.

"What?" Xander asked him. "What could you have done? She thought you abandoned her. When we tried to get Angel in to see her, thinking that might help she went completely ballistic and almost killed him before Willow could put her back under. She was like a wild animal."

"We think that's why we can't find her. We think she lost all semblance of herself and she's probably somewhere in the Congo living no better than an animal." Giles told him. Spike sat back down defeated.

"So you've just given up on her?" He asked. His voice sounded hollow even to him. His mind couldn’t fully process this. Buffy was driven insane by the same woman who made him, out of revenge for him falling in love with her. It was his fault that she was turned into the one thing she never wanted to be.

"No." Giles said forcefully. "Even now I have put out word with all of my contacts that we are looking for her or any information on her. I even contacted Riley who has become quite high up in the American military."

Behind Giles, Illyria began to tap on the wall in front of her. Everyone turned around to see what she was doing.

"Illyria, if you don't mind, now isn't the time for...well whatever it is you are doing." Giles told her irritated.

"There is something here. I can sense it." Illyria told him.


Giles peered at the wall she was poking at. "There is nothing there but an empty wall and an ugly picture now please come sit down."

Illyria didn't move just continued to stare at the wall. "Illyria, please, we still have a lot to go over regarding our plan of attack."

Illyria didn't even acknowledge him. "I know you are there. You may as well show yourself." She addressed the wall.

Giles looked at Angel pleadingly.

"Illyria. Sit down. There is nothing there." Angel told her sternly. Illyria turned to Angel angrily.

"I tell you something is here." Just then out of the shadow on the wall a man appeared.

"She is right. There is someone here." He said.

Everyone immediately stood and got into defensive position, but he just faded back into the shadow of the wall. A few seconds later he reappeared across the room again out of the shadows.

"If you will all relax I will explain my presence here and then you can decide if I am a threat or not." He told them.

"I would say showing up at this meeting uninvited makes you a threat." Xander said. He had a gun pulled and was holding it towards the man.

"Your bullets won't have any effect on me." He told Xander, and then he looked at Giles. "My name is Ian Thorpe." He introduced himself. He was British by the sound of his accent. He appeared to be a handsome young man in his early 20's with short dirty blonde hair. He wasn't a large or intimidating but one look in his eyes showed the cold determination of a viperous man.


Lorne gasped in recognition. "You're the leader of Ian's Rogues."

"That's right I am." Ian nodded.

Spike looked questioningly at Lorne.

"They are a mercenary group; bounty Hunters, guns for hire. They will take any job with no moral issues as long as you have the money to pay for their services."

"That is also correct." Ian agreed.

"What are you doing here?" Giles asked.

"I'm here because you have shown interest in one of my associates and I came to offer my team for the mission you are about to undertake." Ian said.

"I don't think we would be interested in hiring mercenaries." Giles said coldly. "If you would let yourself out the same way you snuck in."

"So you haven't been looking for Miss Buffy Summers?" Ian asked innocently.

Spike was out of his chair and grabbing for Ian's throat before anyone could stop him. Before he reached the man, however, Ian melted back into the wall only to appear across the room again out of another shadow.

"I'm sorry. Did I hit a nerve?" He asked with an amused smile.

"What do you know about Buffy?" Xander asked.

"I know she has been working with me for the past 3 years, since about the time you lost her."

"I don't believe you." Giles said. "Buffy wouldn't work for someone who puts monetary gain above what's right."

"You are free to believe what you want, but here are the facts; we know that you have been searching for her for several years now, but up until now we had no reason to contact you, we also know about the mission you are planning into Bhutan to stop the combined forces of the First Evil and Wolfram and Hart, we also know about the plan to resurrect the Thunder Dragon."

"You seem to know an awful lot about what's going on here." Willow said angrily.

"We have our ways." Ian smiled at her. "You won't get far into Bhutan with the Vampires unless you have a way for them to travel during the day. Most of the country is undeveloped with no shelter for them during the day. I also know that the team you have here won't be enough to stop the force you are going up against."

"What exactly are you proposing?" Giles asked him.

"You could choose to hire my team and we would ensure you successfully complete your mission."



"Hire you?" Angel asked disbelieving.

"Now I know you are lying, mate. Buffy would never charge her friends to help them save the world. That's what she does." Spike told him.

"No, that's what she did. And as you have just heard all that ever got her was pain and torment. Things are different now. We'll need 2.5 million dollars to begin with and another 5 million dollars upon successful completion."

"That's preposterous." Giles spluttered.

"That is non-negotiable. Take it or leave it."

"I don't think..."

"Here is the address of a residence in Katmandu." He put a piece of paper on the large table. "If you decide to accept our offer you can arrive here in three days time. So you know that Buffy is really a part of our team and agrees with the fact that you should pay for our services you can hand the money directly to her and your witch can use her magic at that time to verify she isn't under some sort of spell. Do not try to contact us again if you choose to refuse our help and don't try to perform any other sort of magic compulsion on her at that time because we have measures in place to make sure you won't succeed."

No one said anything else. "I'll leave you now. I'm sure Illyria will be able to confirm when I leave the building." With that he melted back into the shadows leaving the people at the table to look at each other in confusion.

"I told you there was something here." Illyria said triumphantly.

Chapter IV: Spike Remembers...


After Ian left, the conference room erupted into chaos.

"You can't seriously be considering his offer." Angel was saying to Giles.

"I don't think Buffy would work with someone like that." Willow insisted to no one in particular.

"We don't know who or what Buffy would work with anymore, this may be our only shot at finding her." Xander answered her.

"Well if it is Buffy then why hasn't she shown up on my locator spells?" Willow countered.

"The next time I tell you something is there you should listen before disregarding my senses." Illyria told the bickering group.

Spike said nothing. He sat there and stared off into space, lost in his thoughts. He tried to wrap his head around the fact that Drusilla had destroyed the woman he loved or had loved. What was she now? How much of what had occurred had happened because he hadn’t been there? No wonder Dawn hated him so much, right now he hated himself. All he had to do was let her know he was alive, just a simple call or even let Andrew tell her, but no, he had been too afraid.

Next to him, Raven sat, wondering what she could do to ease the pain she saw on his face. She also wondered how she was going to be able to keep him after everything they had just been told.

"I don't know yet what we are going to do regarding Mr. Thorpe. He was right when he said it was going to be difficult to transport Spike and Angel across Bhutan. If they have a way to do that and it will get us in contact with Buffy it may be worth it." Giles said considering.

"I wasn't aware we had seven million dollars to spend on this operation." Angel said dryly.

Giles looked embarrassed. "We don't, however, I doubt Buffy would actually make us pay that."

"Yeah, but that Ian guy said if we don't have the initial down payment of 2.5 million they wouldn't even consider helping us." Xander added in.

"Plus if what I've heard of these guys is true, these aren't the people you want to owe money too." Lorne told them. "They have a reputation for being ruthless when it comes to collecting, whether for a client or for themselves."

Giles sighed. "I don't know what to do then. Willow if you could work with Lorne, Dawn and Andrew, I want as much information on Ian Thorpe and his Rogues as you can find. I especially want any information that corroborates his story that Buffy is working with them."

"Got it Giles." Willow said as she began to gather up her notes and papers.

"Why is it so hard to travel to Bhutan? Don't they like visitors?" Xander asked.

"Bhutan prides itself on its isolation from the rest of the world. The only airline allowed to fly into the country is Druk air, the Royal Airline of Bhutan and they only have two planes. There is only one airport, which is in Thimpu far away from our destination. From Thimpu we will have to travel by land east to Tongsa Dzong. Our reports indicate their fortress is located north of there deep in the Himalayas, in the wildlife sanctuary Jigme Dorji. However, the road ends in Tongsa Dzong and I don't believe there are any towns or settlements after that. Also travelers are strictly forbidden to venture farther North than Tongsa Dzong without a guide. So you can see that transporting two vampires that far without having them come in contact with the sun will prove to be most difficult."

"I take it they are not a friend of technology." Xander remarked.

"The country is primarily Buddhist and the prime minister was once quoted as saying he would rather have his country have negative profit than have unhappy people. They have even gone so far as to decentralize their government based on the people's whishes. They believe in living the same way their ancestors did 2,000 years ago." Willow told him.

"Sounds like the perfect place to raise an army of ultimate evil." Lorne muttered.

"The green dude is right." Xander agreed. "How can we possibly get through to the evil fortress? Is there another way in?"

"We could go in from the North through China, but instead of 50 miles through the steep mountains of the Himalayas you are looking at 150 miles through the Himalayas." Giles told him.

"So we're going to have to use Mr. Ian Thorpe to even get into the country." Xander said.

"I want to find out more information before we rely on him." Giles said. "I'll put a call into Riley and see if he has anything he can share. The rest of you have tasks to work on."

"What about us, Watcher?" Spike asked him warily. He had pulled his attention back to the conversation at hand when Giles mentioned Riley's name.

"I would imagine you are both exhausted both from your travel and the revelations of the day. We have several guest suites here. I would recommend you go and try to get some rest while you can."

Spike nodded absently.

"Xander would you show them to one of the suites?" Giles asked.

"Sure thing, G-man." Giles rolled his eyes and sighed at Xander's insistence to give up the hated nickname.

"If its ok with you guys, I'll go with Willow and give her the names of some contacts I have that might have information on the Rogues." Lorne told Spike and Raven as they stood up to leave. "I'll catch up with you two later." Spike didn't even seem to hear him, but Raven bid him goodbye.

Spike turned to Giles before they left the room. "If you hear anything else..."

"I'll let you know immediately. Xander will show you my office if you think of anything else that may help feel free to stop by later. Lord knows, we don't sleep much around here."

"I may just do that." Spike and Raven left the room.

"Spike." Giles called after him. Spike stopped, but didn't turn around as Giles followed him out into the hall. "I wanted to thank you for coming to help us. I'm sorry you had to find out about all of this like that." Spike looked at him silently. "Also there is a bottle of scotch in every suite, in case you find it hard to get to sleep. It usually helps me."

Spike gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Watcher." It didn't escape his attention that Giles was going out of his way to be nice to him. A far cry from the man who once tried to have him killed. Spike wondered what it was that actually changed the Watcher's opinion of him. Was it when he burned up to save the world or when he didn't come after Buffy when he was brought back?

Giles went back into the conference room to plan some more with Illyria and the others while Xander led Spike and Rave to their suite.



Later that evening Spike sat alone in the living room of the suite in the dark, the bottle of scotch was three quarters gone. Raven had been asleep for hours and it was now well past midnight. Spike tried to get some rest knowing that they were going to need to be at top performance for the next few weeks, but images of Buffy kept coming to him. He knew there was no way he would be able to shut out the memories tonight. Every time he shut his eyes he saw her cold green gaze looking down at him accusingly.

He poured another glass of scotch and finally gave in to the memories floating at the edge of his consciousness. It was the memory of their last night together.


May 2002, the evening before the final battle with the First.

Spike sat in the basement studying the amulet Buffy had given him. She had finished going over her master plan with the Scoobies and the Slayers in Training now all there was to do was wait until morning to enact their plan.

Even the gaudiness of the jewelry could not diminish the feeling inside of him from her calling him a champion. She had sent Angel away and had chosen him to stand by her in this. She had chosen him to be with her in what could possibly be her last stand.

He had told her he wasn't going to think about what it all meant, when she told him that she felt close to him. He told her they should just leave it and he had meant it at the time, but now he wanted to know why she had sent Angel away. He wanted to know if she just wanted her true love out of the way of the battle or if there was more to it than that. He tried to push down these thoughts, he knew that the last thing they needed was for him to be distracted by daydreams of the impossible. They had a war to fight.

Buffy said that maybe after the war, they could try to figure it all out, but he had told her they shouldn't. Now he wanted to find out if she really wanted to try to make it work between them. Did she think they had a chance?

He heard footsteps approaching the basement door and knew immediately it was Buffy coming down. He had been hoping she was going to come down and stay with him again tonight, but didn’t want to ask or seem too eager. He stood up as she came down the stairs and stood across the basement from him. Neither one of them spoke as they stared at each other from across the room. Spike couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked even in the midst of all the planning and chaos around them. He bit his tongue to keep from asking her all the questions running around in his mind, she had enough to worry about without having to deal with his doubts and fears.

Buffy approached him slowly until she stood within arms reach. He could see worry and fear in her eyes concerning the battle tomorrow. He knew she couldn't show any kind of doubt to her troops or the others and it meant something that she trusted him enough to see that she wasn't made out of stone like they thought. He knew she felt every death that happened this year more deeply than they knew.

Spike reached out and placed his hands on her waist, but he didn't pull her towards him. He just waited to see what she wanted from him.

Buffy slowly raised one hand and lightly traced over his lips with one fingertip. The other hand she brought to rest on his chest. He stared into her eyes willing himself to remain calm and not misread what was very possibly and innocent gesture.

When she had slept in his arms the past two nights he had known that she didn't want anything physical from him aside from his presence next to her. Not that it stopped his body from reacting to her closeness, but he would never assume to instigate anything with her again. Not after what had happened last year.

Now she stood before him running her hands over his body like she wanted to memorize every curve, leaving a trail of fire across his skin in her wake. Even through the cotton T-shirt he wore he could feel the heat of her soaking into his cold body, making him feel almost alive.

Still he remained frozen, he resisted again the urge to pull her against him and crush his lips to hers. This was the first time she caressed him lightly like this and he wanted to cherish her soft touch before it ended

Her finger still traced lightly over his lips, he parted them slightly and ran his tongue against her finger before he could stop himself. The flavor of her skin almost made him swoon with pleasure and he was happy to see her eyes cloud with desire as he tickled her finger with his tongue. She ran the hand on his chest downward across his abdomen and began to pull his T-shirt up out of his pants. Her eyes never left his as she did this reassuring him without having to be told of his fears.

She took her other hand away from his mouth and used both hands to raise his shirt over his head. He almost couldn't stand it when he felt both of her hands running across the skin of his chest and abdomen tracing every muscle and curve they found. He ran his own hands up and under her shirt pleased when she arched towards to ensure he had plenty of room to access wherever he wanted. He let out a moan when he began to smell the perfume of her arousal in the air as his hands neared her breasts.

He barely brushed against them, continuing on to lift her shirt up and over her head. He slid her bra straps down over her shoulders on the way back down, and then undid the clasp in the front. He quickly moved his hands to catch the soft globes and they were released from her bra. Buffy's breathing quickened as he ran his fingers over her nipples enjoying the way they hardened under his touch and she pressed herself even further into his hands wanting more contact. Her hands began unfastening his jeans, but she seemed to be having a difficult time due to the shaking that seemed to occupy her.

She leaned up and brushed her lips across his as she finally managed to undo the button on his pants and pull down his zipper. When he felt her hands pulling them down over his hips and then grasping his straining erection he finally gave in and pulled her tight against him, entangling his fingers in her hair. He ran his tongue across her lips before she captured it between them and used her own tongue to run across his sensuously. The feeling of her tongue moving against his and her hands stroking his length almost drove him over the edge prematurely, but she seemed to sense this and broke off the kiss before it could go too far.

She pulled his pants the rest of the way down his body until he could easily step out of them. Once he was naked before her she pushed him gently until he fell backwards and was sitting on the cot. She stood before him topless enjoying the feeling of power she got from his lust filled gaze that eyed her hungrily. Confident she had his undivided attention, she reached up and let loose the rest of her hair that had been pulled up behind her head. Knowing how much he loved her hair she shook it out around her face before looking up at him innocently. The look in her eyes combined with the sight of her before him with no top made him growl deep in his chest. Her eyes lit up with delight at the obvious excitement from him. She kicked off her shoes and slowly undid her own pants and slipped them down over her hips. She stood before him in nothing but her underwear, but they soon followed her pants as she slipped them off and threw them at him playfully.

Spike caught them easily, but didn't pay them any mind, his attention was focused on the beautiful siren before him. He was afraid to blink for fear that she would disappear like so many of the dreams he had of her in the past year.

Completely naked now Buffy moved towards him with a slight predatory look in her eyes. There was no doubt in his mind now what she wanted from him. Even if he couldn't read it in her eyes there was no mistaking the aroma of her arousal that now permeated the air so thick he could almost taste it when he inhaled.

Instead of increasing his desire at this point though for some reason Spike was struck with sudden fear. Everything between them had been going so well he was afraid if they brought the physical aspect back to their relationship he would lose the ground he had fought so hard to gain this year. What if after they slept together again she went back to kicking him and running away? He didn't want to lose their newfound closeness not even for this. He tried to calm himself and chase away these worries. Now wasn't the time for this. She hadn't come here to coddle him; she had come to him for something else. She wanted comfort and that was it. Just a little more cold comfort and he should just accommodate her and leave feelings and doubts out of it.

Those thoughts only made his fears grow and a solid pain in his chest started form. He didn’t want to just be her little comfort toy, but he couldn’t push her away, he couldn’t say no to her.

Buffy stopped moving as soon as she saw the emotions struggling within his eyes. "Spike." She said softly, speaking for the first time since coming down into the basement. He lowered his head at the sound of her voice and couldn't look up at her now, he was too caught up in his fears and doubts. He didn’t want her to see all the pain in his eyes, he couldn’t let her know how afraid he was of losing her again.

Unwilling to let him shut her out Buffy walked over to him quickly and straddled his lap. She used one finger under his chin to raise his eyes to her, she felt her heart ache with all the pain and confusion she could see in his gaze. "I want to be here with you tonight. No matter what happens tomorrow I want to have one perfect night with you to hold on to. You are the one I chose to be here with me tonight, no one else, but you."


Even though he was slightly distracted by the feeling of her silky warm skin against his body Spike managed to answer her. "I'd hardly call this perfect, luv." He said sadly gesturing to the basement they were in.

Buffy leaned forward and kissed him. "It doesn't matter where we are. As long as we're together we can make it perfect for us."

Spike could see the sincerity in her eyes along with the desire and a warm tender emotion that he couldn't begin to hope to give a name to. All his doubts and worries left in the face of her conviction and his desire returned with triple force.

“Buffy.” He whispered her name before pulling her back down for another kiss and felt the warmth from her begin to seep into him. When she pulled back to catch her breath her eyes were glassy and her breasts were heaving as she tried to pull in air.

"Spike, please. I need you inside me. It's been too long." She whispered. Spike didn't trust his own voice after hearing the need in hers all he could manage was a shaky nod. That was all she needed. She raised herself up slightly and reached in between them to grab his rock hard length. She ran the head back and forth against her wet slit a few times to make sure it was nice and lubricated, but she didn't need to worry since her arousal was now dripping down her thighs onto his lap. He couldn't help the strangled moan that escaped at her actions.

She positioned him at her entrance, wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and rested her forehead against his so she was gazing directly into his deep blue eyes as she began to sink slowly down onto him.

It took all of Spike's strength not to push his hips up and plunge inside her, the slow torture of her sinking down onto him driving him mad. He couldn't help the feelings of wonder and amazement he was sure were plain on his face as her wet heat slowly surrounded him. Only instead of turning away from him and his emotions like she used to do, this time Buffy watched everything closely and he could see similar feelings in her own eyes. Knowing that she was really here with him had him struggling not to come even before she had fully settled herself down on him.

They were both panting by the time he was fully seated inside of her, since he didn't need the oxygen to breathe she was in essence breathing through him making the experience even more intimate. The world around them disappeared until the only thing that actually seemed real to him was her. There was nothing else but her.

Neither one of them moved, they just enjoyed the feeling of being together like this. It was like coming home for both of them. Then Buffy gave him an evil little smirk and bit her lip as if she were concentrating on something. That's when he felt it and he began to moan he name loudly. She was flexing her interior muscles causing them to ripple over his cock and it was like nothing he ever felt before. She was whimpering in pleasure herself as she worked him over thoroughly while making sure that he stayed buried deep inside her.

His own whimpers joined hers as he could feel the pleasure start to build in his loins. He grabbed her hips and held on tightly as the overwhelming sensations rocked through him. He felt the familiar tightening and knew he couldn't hold out much longer, but then the feelings extended outward, up through his abdomen and farther up into his chest. His entire body began to shake as it tried to deal with the onslaught of pleasure and emotions that he had never experienced before. He bit his lip in an effort to keep from calling out his love for her, not wanting to ruin this moment with her rejection of him.

He pulled her hips tighter against him wanting to get farther inside her. She began to rock her hips slightly adding even more to the already overwhelming sensations. The movement combined with her grasping muscles managed to push him over the edge as the pleasure became too much for him. He yelled out her name with a strangled sob and heard her call his name out in answer as he erupted inside of her. Her muscles clenched tightly milking him, prolonging his orgasm until he thought he was going to die from pleasure. He thought he must have passed out because he was no longer aware of his body, only the waves of pleasure crashing through his soul as he got lost in the warm green eyes above him that he could almost believe were filled with love.

When Spike finally came back to himself the first thing he noticed was that they were both still trembling. Next, he noticed the tears that were running down her face.


"I didn't hurt you did I?" He whispered, horrified. Buffy giggled at him softly shaking her head and wiping at his face which had tears running down it as well.

"No you didn't hurt me. That was just...my god, that was so intense." She giggled again as she laid her head back down on his shoulder. "I never knew that it could be like that."

"You have such a wonderful laugh." He told her. When she made a confused noise he continued. "I think that's the first time you've ever giggle around me." He confessed.

She lifted her head back up. "Really? Well starting tomorrow there will definitely be more giggling. And more laughing. And more happiness. Especially around you. We deserve it."

"Oh we do, do we?" He asked her teasingly.

"Yep. And you know what else there will be?" She asked him.

He kissed her shoulder and up her neck. "More wonderful sex."

She giggled again and it was music to his ears. "No silly. Well actually, yes there will be, but there will also be dating."

"Dating?!?" He asked her slightly alarmed.

"Yeah." She nodded slowly. "You." She pointed at him. "Me." She pointed to herself. "Dating."

Spike looked truly frightened. "I don't really know much about dating, pet."

"Well you are going to get lots of practice because you and me, we are SO dating."

It wasn't a declaration of undying love and honestly given the time and the circumstances he wouldn't believe it even if she had offered it, but it was something and it gave him something concrete to hope for. He held her tight against him and felt her arms tight around him, both of them trying to hold onto each other and this small moment in time they had together.

The rest of the night passed like a dream for him, yet he knew he wasn't asleep because he remembered every second of it. They lay on that cot and talked and cuddled and made love for the rest of the night. It was everything he had ever hoped for the year before. He kept his promise to himself he didn't declare his love for her again. He wanted to wait until they were out from the shadow of this threat and ‘dating’ as she told him before he made the grand guesture again. Only this time there weren’t going to be any chains involved.

Of course there weren’t any dates for him to declare his love, there were no more opportunities to make her laugh or to hear her giggle. The next day he burnt up in the Hellmouth and when he was resurrected at Wolfram and Hart he couldn't call her on account of not having a physical body.

After that...

After that he was just plain scared. She had given him more than he ever hoped to get and on top of that she gave him hope. He thought it was better to live with the dream of her love than face the reality of her rejection.

He never even considered the possibility she meant what she told him in the Hellmouth. The idea that she loved him, even after what he had seen in her eyes the night before was too outlandish, too preposterous to even entertain. Of course she only told him that because she thought he was dying. She never loved him, she couldn’t.

But why did they keep talking about how upset she was over his death? How upset could she have been when she was snuggling with the Immortal less than a year after his death? He didn’t understand any of it. Once upon a time he would swear that he knew her better than anyone else, he could tell what she was thinking just by looking in her eyes. Now he wasn’t sure of anything.

Was Xander right in telling him there was nothing he could have done for her? Were the dreams he kept having with her in them actually some sort of projection by her? Did they come about from some sort of connection because she was now part of his vampire family? Was she part of his vampire family? Was she even a real vampire? Did she need blood to survive? How could she be turned yet still alive?

"Spike?" Raven's voice startled him from his thoughts, he turned his bloodshot eyes up towards her. "What are you doing still up? Have you gotten any sleep?"

"No, not yet. I have a lot on my mind. What are you doing up?"

"Must be the jet lag. I just woke up and then you weren't there." Raven walked over and sat down in his lap. "Is there anything I can do?" She asked him. Spike pulled back from her and removed her arms from around his neck.

"I don't think so, luv. I'm thinking I might go see how the Watcher's research is going. See if he's come to any decisions yet."

"Spike, its almost three thirty in the morning, I doubt Mr. Giles is still up, regardless of what he said."

"You don't know Rupert like I do. He won't be getting any sleep any time soon, not with everything that's going on." He told her as he extricated himself from her grasp and stood up. "Why don't you try to get some more sleep?" He suggested.

She just looked at him sadly. "I though I might call Master Otagi and see if they have any extra warriors they could send to help us. It's a little after noon in Kyoto so now would be the ideal time."

Spike had walked into their bedroom and really didn't hear what she was saying. He came out with his boots on and kissed her forehead lightly. "I won't be long, try and get some more sleep then." He said distractedly before walking out the door.

"I love you." Raven said to the now closed door.

She could feel the tears burning behind her eyes and fought to keep them from falling. She had been so certain that coming here had been the right thing to do. She had thought once Spike faced his past with Buffy he would remember all the pain she caused him. Raven believed once he recalled how Buffy could never accept all of him he would realize how good they were together by comparison and how much he loved her.

She hadn't counted on what the past few years had done to Buffy. Her heart went out to the Slayer; no one should have to go through all the pain and suffering she had to deal with. However, Raven was more afraid of Buffy than ever now. She knew how long Spike had stayed with Drusilla and cared for her, even when it was apparent he would never be first in Drusilla’s affections. Raven didn't want that to happen again. What if Buffy was damaged like that? Would he leave her to care for Buffy?

Raven truly loved Spike and she wanted him to be happy more than anything. If everything worked out and he and Buffy were truly meant to be together than she would be more than willing to step aside for them. She just didn't see how that could be possible given their past relationship and what Buffy had been through since then.

More than anything Raven really wished she hadn't convinced him to come here in the first place. Maybe she should have just trusted that after they were mated he wouldn't have these thoughts of Buffy anymore.

Feeling alone and uncertain Raven picked up the phone to call her master hoping he could advise her.

Chapter V

It wasn't until he got into the hallway that Spike realized how drunk he must be. The narrow hallway seemed endless and the small printed wallpaper with the deep red background made him quite nauseous. So either he was drunk or the horrid floral wallpaper that lined the narrow passageway caused his dizziness.

He also realized he had no idea how to get to Giles' office from here. He hadn't paid any attention to Harris when he had been explaining where to find everything as he led them to their rooms.

Spike wandered down the hall making different turns trying to navigate his way to something familiar. After about 30 minutes of wandering and not seeming to get anywhere he realized he was well and truly lost. He didn't even know how to get back to his suite from here. He tried sniffing the air to see if anything seemed familiar, but there were too many scents in the air to distinguish one from the other. He had been turning in circles for several minutes trying to get his bearings when he heard voices and footsteps coming from farther down the hall.

Spike took off at a run not wanting to lose this chance of finding a way out of this maze. He turned a corner blindly and wound up running headlong into Xander.

"Whoa." Xander tried to steady himself so they both didn't end up on the floor. "Where's the fire, Evil Dead?"

Spike was embarrassed by the way he had lost his cool over the fact that he was lost in the Watcher's Council. "I've been wandering around this bloody place trying to find Rupert's office for almost an hour." He practically muttered.

"Aaaah." Xander said knowingly. "Another victim of the wallpaper, huh?"

Spike looked at him in surprise. "I've been a victim to this god awful stuff before, too. I once accidentally wandered into Rhona's bedroom by mistake. Not something I ever want to happen again." Xander turned and began walking back the way he came. Spike followed after him. "In my defense, though, it was right after Giles took me to a "real" English pub for the first time and I only have the use of one eye."

Spike tried to take more notice of his surroundings this time as he followed behind Xander.

"I take it the Watcher's still up then?" Spike asked. Xander shot him a look that clearly said 'Well, Duh'.

"He's been waiting for a call back from Riley on Mr. Ian and his Rogues. Illyria, Dawn and Will are in there with him.”

The wallpaper finally ended as the hallway opened up into a larger hallway. Dark wood walls lined this area, with large portraits hanging every so many feet.

"Ok Giles' office is the third door on your left. I'll be back in a few, I've been sent on a donut run."

Spike had to laugh at that. "Some things don't change." He said and Xander laughed along with him.

They both stopped abruptly when they remembered how much HAD changed. Not the least of which was the two of them laughing together.

"Harris, what made you change your tune about me?"

"Well it would be sad if I didn't get any wiser as I got older, right?" The other man joked. "Besides its kind of hard to hate the person who saved me from the deranged preacher."

Spike didn't have anything to say to that, but the look that passed between the two spoke volumes and Spike knew the two had come to an understanding.

"I better get moving. Illyria tends to get cranky when she doesn't get her sugar fix." Xander turned and walked away. "Try not to get lost this time." He called back behind him.

Spike headed to the door Xander had indicated, but before he got close enough to turn the knob the door opened up from the other side and Dawn walked out shutting the door behind her. She stopped short when she noticed him in front of her.

Her eyes flashed with their earlier fire before it immediately went out and she looked down sullenly. "I was out of line earlier with SOME of the things I said and for that I apologize. She said stiffly, she never raised her eyes to look at him while she spoke. Spike noticed the emphasis on the word 'some'.

"Look, Dawn, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you and your sister. I thought I was doing the right thing by staying away. I would never want to hurt either one of you. I care about you both too much for that..."

Dawn gave a short bitter laugh and shook her head.

"What?" Spike asked her.

"Are you still telling yourself that lie?" She asked derisively. She finally raised her eyes to meet his and he could clearly see the hurt and bitterness behind her anger.

"You never cared about me," She continued. "You just used me to get to my sister."

"How can you say that?" Spike demanded.

"How can you pretend otherwise?" She demanded back sharply. "When I had a crush on you and used to show up at your crypt you just pumped me for information on Buffy. The only reason you agreed to protect me was to impress Buffy. And then after she died you only stayed because you promised Buffy you would.
You really didn't take care of me then either, for your information, I felt like I was taking care of you all the time, because you were so broken up over the fact that Buffy was gone. And after they brought her back you never came to see me or check on me, you were too wrapped up with her." Spike saw the unshed tears shining in her eyes. "I remember waiting for you to come by so you could sign my cast after Willow broke my arm, but you never came."

"Dawn..." Spike began, but she cut him off before he could get any further.

"Just answer this question for me. In all the years since you left us did you ever think about me or what I was doing?"

Spike couldn't tell her he had because he had tried to shut out all thoughts and memories of Sunnydale and the people there once he decided not to contact Buffy.

His silence deflated her anger. "And maybe you shouldn't have. I mean we didn't exactly finish up on good terms at the end. But please don't stand there and claim that you cared about me, because your actions say differently."

"Dawn, I'm so sorry I didn't mean..."

"Save it. Actually I'm used to it by now. Ask Xander sometime how he got to be the famous demon hunter he is today, its all thanks to me.”

Spike wondered what she meant by that, but he didn't have time to ask because just then Willow opened the door. "Oh!!!" She exclaimed when she saw the two of them standing there. "Is everything out here ok?" She asked looking nervously from one to the other.

"Its about as good as its going to get." Dawn answered her cryptically.

"Ok." Willow said slowly. "I was coming to find you, they are getting Riley on the phone now."

Dawn didn't say anything else, just pushed past Willow to go back into Giles' office. Spike stared after her wishing he could do something to take away all the pain she was holding inside of her. He felt like such an ass. Dawn was right he never tried to see her after Buffy came back, it wasn't because he didn't care about her he was just too caught up in his own things. He didn't even realize how bad things had gotten for her, even after the whole stealing thing. Then when she made that wish on Buffy’s birthday he had been too concerned with Buffy’s date, to really worry about Dawn.

"If it makes you feel any better she treats the rest of us the same and we've been with her for the past 7 years."

Spike tried to get over his maudlin worries about Dawn. He was going to turn into Angel if he kept brooding over things he couldn't change instead of trying to figure out how to make things better now.

"So how have you been, Red?" He asked as he entered Giles' office.

Willow shrugged. "Same old, same old. Working to save the world, again. Still trying to keep my powers under control. Its kind of hard not to get a Goddess complex when you have the powers of one." She joked with him.

Spike admired Giles' large office. Books lined the shelves covering every available wall space. Across the room sat a large mahogany desk with a large leather chair that Giles sat in. On the other side of the desk six chairs were placed facing him. Dawn occupied one of the chairs and she had pulled it up as close as she could get to the phone sitting on the desk. Illyria sat perched on top of the desk; she was looking at Dawn angrily.

"I have told you before not to stand so close to me." Illyria was saying to Dawn. "The acrimonious emotions that come from you give this shell heartburn."

"Bite it, you blue freak." Dawn snapped. Giles glared at both of them and they quieted down.

"I'm sure with Blue there's enough of a Goddess complex around here." Spike commented to Willow.

Willow gave him a knowing grin.

"Are you still seeing the young Slayer?" Spike asked her as they made their way across the room. Giles looked up and nodded in greeting to them. On the speakerphone elevator music could be heard signaling the fact that they were on hold.

"No, the novelty on that ended right after the apocalyptic threat. I'm still trying to find someone as wonderful as Tara."

"I don't know that that's possible. Glinda was definitely a one of a kind."

Their conversation was interrupted by the music coming to an abrupt halt and a nasally sounding voice. "Sir, I'll now connect you to Major Finn."

There were several clicks then Riley's voice came over the phone. "Giles, sorry I kept you waiting. What can I do for you?"

"Good evening Riley. I was hoping you might have some information on some individuals for us." Giles answered.

"I'll see what I can do. Who are these people?"

"We don't know that they are all people. A man named Ian Thorpe came to see us today. He offered his mercenary group to help us. Have you ever heard of him? I believe he and his compatriots go by the name 'the Rogues'."

There was a long pause. "Riley? Are you still there?" Giles finally asked him.

"I'm here." Riley answered. "Look Giles, Thorpe just doesn't offer his services, there has to be more to it than that."

"Well there was the price tag of seven and a half million dollars."

"He's giving you a deal then, usually he charges and even ten million." Riley said dryly.

"So you are familiar with them then." Giles stated.

"I'm familiar enough with them to know that you don't want their help. I've worked with Thorpe before. They aren't the kind of people you are used to dealing with."

"What makes you say that?"

"They do a good job, don't get me wrong. They will complete the mission objective, but the means they use to do it, they have very relaxed morals, human life means nothing to them. I've even heard that they have used children in getting their missions accomplished. Not even our most seasoned veterans are comfortable around them.”

"Well that says something doesn't it?" Spike asked smartly.

There was another pause on Riley's end.

"Giles, is that who I think it is?"

"Ah, Finn I didn't know you missed me." Spike grinned.

"I didn't, but then again I haven't really tried to kill you lately either." Riley answered him.

"I see your wit hasn't improved over the years. Must be a curse of a government job." Spike laughed.

"We have more important things to go over right now. If you two could put this pissing contest on hold for a more appropriate time." Giles told them both.

"Pissing contest?" Illyria asked. "What is a pissing contest? How does that work?”

"That’s a conversation for another time." Willow shushed her before she could ask anymore.

"Look Giles, I don't know why you would even consider using Thorpe. I'm sure you don't have the money and..."

"He claims that Buffy is a member of his team." Giles interrupted him.

"That Son of a Bitch!!!" Riley swore.

"Do you think he's telling the truth, Riley?" Dawn asked anxiously.

"I knew they had a Slayer working with them, but I never actually met her. It makes sense though, based on some of the reports I've received." Riley sighed loudly. "All right, Giles if you are going to do this I will e-mail Willow all the information I have on Ian Thorpe and the Rogues, but you have to remember all of this information is classified. I also have to insist that if you are planning on hiring them you let me send over one of our special ops teams to help you in case they get out of hand."

"Thank you, Riley. Any help is appreciated right now."

"Its no problem." They could hear typing on a keyboard across the phone. "Ok I've sent the files to Willow."

Willow took her laptop off of the desk, sat down and proceeded to begin typing. "Got them. I'm downloading them now."

"Great. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Actually yes, Riley. You were right; we can't afford to hire Ian. I was wondering if there was any way the US government would be able to help with that."

"Giles, I would love to be able to help you, but since the end of the last war the American public is very strict about what money comes to the armed forces. I couldn't begin to get access to that kind of cash."

"Gee you would think the American public didn't trust you. Think it has anything to do with all those countries you invaded needlessly?" Spike couldn't resist getting that dig in.

"We were spreading freedom around the globe." Riley snapped at him.

"Is that what you call picking a fight with North Korea, Syria, and Iran after you were getting your arses whipped in Afghanistan and Iraq."

"You have no idea what you were talking about. They were severe threats to the American way of life and to the countries around them. We did what we had to do to ensure peace." Riley was yelling now.

"You did what you had to do to ensure you had control over the oil fields in the Middle East!" Spike yelled back.

"GUYS ENOUGH!!!" Willow yelled before the argument could get completely out of hand. "Focus please. We all know that you two don't agree on anything. So talking politics right now-NOT HELPING!!!"

"Sorry, Red."

"Sorry, Willow."

"Riley," Dawn spoke up. "This may be my only chance to find my sister, isn't there anything you can do?" She pleaded with him.

"I'm sorry Dawn my hands are tied on this one."

"I'll get you your money, Watcher." Spike spoke up suddenly. As much as he wanted to see Buffy, Spike also knew he had to do this for Dawn.

Dawn looked up at him surprised.

"Thank you, Spike." Giles was also surprised. " I wasn't aware you had access to that type of money."

"How do you have access to that much money, Spike?" Riley asked suspiciously.

"I own the most exclusive demon club in this realm, Finn. We tend to turn quite a good profit."

Right about that time the door flew open and Xander entered. "I come bearing donuts." He called into the room. Lorne, Raven and Angel followed him.

"I come bearing information." Lorne called. "And a severe need of a shower after some of the dives we've been in."

Spike noticed the withdrawn look on Raven's face a she entered the room and he was suddenly wracked with guilt. She looked so sad and he knew it was because he had been so caught up with Buffy since they arrived he had been shutting her out and ignoring her. When she got close enough he wrapped his arms around her, pleased to see some of the sadness leave her eyes.

"Hey Xander." Riley greeted him.

"Major Finn. I didn't know you would be here or I would have picked up those chocolate donuts you like so much."

Riley laughed. "Thanks for the thought."

"So how's Sam and the little one?" Xander asked as he opened the box of donuts he sat on the desk. Illyria immediately started pawing through the box. Xander smacked her hand away lightly.

"Sam's fine. Although she's complaining that she's bored having to stay home with the baby all the time."

"You dare..." Illyria began.

Xander held up another bag. "Yours aren't in there. I got you your own bag." He explained to her.

Illyria looked from Xander to the bag in his hand. She reached out and gently took it from him. "You've done well. You would have made an excellent slave in my time."

With that she took her donuts and sat down in a chair halfway across the room to enjoy them.

"And your welcome" Xander called to her, shaking his head.

"I have some things I need to finish up here before I can go home tonight so I need to get going. I'll send the men I promised you by tomorrow." Riley told them.

"We need to meet Thorpe in three days time in Katmandu. I'll have Willow e-mail the address to you they can just meet us there."

"Good night everyone."

"Good night, Riley and thank you again for all your help." Giles said.

"Tell Sam I said 'hi'." Dawn called.

"Later man." Xander added.

"Take care Riley, thank you for the information. I think it will help." Willow said.

"It's been a blast as always Major Cardboard."

There was a click as Riley disconnected from them.

"So you've decided to hire the Rogues then?" Angel asked Giles.

"Yes, I believe we have."

"And how are we going to pay them?" Angel asked.

"Spike offered to pay them." Giles told him.

Raven and Lorne both looked at Spike in shock.

"He did?" Lorne asked alarmed. "And where are you going to get that kind of money?"

"We have the down payment in our bank account." Spike told him.

"And the rest?" Lorne persisted.

"We'll call in all the blokes that owe us." Spike told him.

"Partner, can I talk to you a minute?" Lorne pulled Spike across the room and began talking at a frantic whisper.

Raven wanted to follow and find out what was going on, but she needed to speak to Giles first.

"Mr. Giles, I contacted my Master, Otagi in Japan this evening. He is sending two Hogoshas to meet us in Katmandu."

"You are a Hogosha." Giles asked surprised. "I had no idea. The Watcher's Council has been curious about the Hogoshas for a long time now, but no one has ever been able to meet one."

"I was a Hogosha for ten years before all the Slayers were activated."

"So you were a traditional Hogosha then?" Giles asked.

"What's a Hogosha?" Dawn asked, eyeing Raven up warily.

"Hogosha means protector or guardian in Japanese. It was also the name of a group sworn to protect the Japanese people from demonic threats. They were the ones who guarded the Hellmouth in Kyoto. Before all the Slayers were activated they were just regular girls who trained from birth for their duty. They are reputed to be some of the best fighters in the world.”

"You guarded a Hellmouth for 10 years with no Slayer skills?" Xander asked impressed.

Raven nodded, her cheeks were slightly pink over the attention she was receiving.

"Do you know if your master is sending traditional Hogoshas or Slayers?" Giles asked her.

"I am not sure." Raven answered her.

"Giles you better come look at this." Willow said. "We may want to rethink Riley's offer of sending us men, they may have ulterior motives."

Raven used the distraction to walk over to where Lorne and Spike were still involved in a heated discussion.

"...then we'll sell the bloody club. I don't care. I am not going to let this opportunity pass." Spike was telling Lorne.

"That's great. We'll just sell the club. What are we going to do then if the world doesn't end?" Lorne demanded.

"I don't know. But this is something I have to do."

Lorne looked over at Raven now. "I really hope he knows what he's doing. I don't believe he's thinking clearly." He told her sadly before walking away.

"What was that all about?" She asked Spike.

He gave her a weak smile. "Nothing to worry about, luv." He told her kissing her lightly. "What's say we try and get some more shut eye? I imagine tomorrow is going to be a long day."

Raven didn't let him see the fear in her eyes when he pulled her close.




Copy of e-mail sent from Riley Finn after getting of the phone with Rupert Giles in England:

From: MajRFinn@usa.army.gov
To: DRumsfeld@usa..gov

Mr. Vice President,

I need to requisition the use of 3 members of the Tiger Force for a mission of utmost importance. Objectives and mission parameters as follows:

Primary Objective: Support and aid the Watcher's Council in their effort to prevent an attempted apocalypse originating in the country of Bhutan as the First Evil and Wolfram & Hart try to resurrect an Old One named the Thunder Dragon.

Secondary Objectives:

-Recapture Hostile 8320 aka Simon currently working with Ian Thorpe and the Rogues.

-Neutralize Hostile 17 aka William the Bloody aka Spike

-Determine the level of contamination Buffy Summers aka The Slayer has undergone, if deemed a threat, neutralize her as well.

-Gather as much Intel on both the Rogues and the members from the Watcher's Council for later consideration on how they should be handled.

Mission set to commence in three days time, need immediate approval.

Major Finn


Response:

From: DRumsfeld@usa.gov
To: MajRFinn@usa.army.gov

Major Finn,

Request Granted. Slight changes to objectives per President Cheney. See below.

Primary Objective:
Support and aid the Watcher's Council in their effort to prevent an attempted apocalypse originating in the country of Bhutan. Try to allow resurrection to occur than capture the Thunder Dragon to ensure the safety of this country.

Secondary Objectives:
-Neutralize Hostile 17, Angelus, and Buffy Summers.

-Apprehend the former Old One named Illyria for further study.

-Apprehend Dawn Summers aka The Key for further study.

-Recapture Hostile 8320 aka Simon currently working with Ian Thorpe and the Rogues.

-Gather as much Intel on both the Rogues and the members from the Watcher's Council for later consideration on how they should be handled.

D. Rumsfeld
Vice President
United States of America

Chapter VI Plans & Meetings


I sit beside the dark
Beneath the mire
Cold grey dusty day
The morning lake
Drinks up the sky

Katmandu I’ll soon be seeing you
And your strange bewildering time
Will hold me down

Chop me some broken wood
We’ll start a fire
White warm light the dawn
And help me see
Old satan’s tree

Katmandu I’ll soon be touching you
And your strange bewildering time
Will hold me down

Pass me my hat and coat
Lock up the cabin
Slow night treat me right
Until I go
Be nice to know

Katmandu I’ll soon be seeing you
And your strange bewildering time
Will keep me home

“Peaches, I swear to all that is evil, if you don’t turn off this fucking Cat Stevens song you’ve been playing since we got here, I will climb through this wall and rip your heart out with my bare hands.” Loud pounding followed this announcement. The music in the next room was lowered considerably, but given his vampire hearing Spike could still hear it clearly.

He began to pace in a frustrated manner. They had arrived in Katmandu late last evening and Spike had been antsy ever since. He hated waiting and now that they were so close to actually seeing Buffy it felt like time had simply stopped.

He had tried to get Giles to go over their plans with him one more time to make sure they covered absolutely every possibility. Giles, however, insisted he needed to catch up on his sleep.

Dawn was locked up in her room not speaking to anyone, furious with Giles because he refused to take her with them into Bhutan. He insisted she stay here in and coordinate with Andrew in the London office and pass that information on to them when they were in the field.

Lorne had headed back to the club to close out their bank account and obtain the money to pay the Rogues with. He was also going to talk to a demon who had expressed an interest in buying the club to finance the rest of the money they needed. So far he hadn’t made it back, but Spike knew he would get here at the last possible minute, it was his way of showing how mad he was at Spike for selling the club.

Spike knew that Raven was also upset at his decision to sell what had been their home since they had gotten together, but he didn’t care at this point. It was the only way he felt he could make up for letting Buffy and Dawn down.

There had been no sign of Willow or Xander since they had arrived. Spike figured they were probably holed up together planning what they were going to say to Buffy when she arrived.

Even Raven had abandoned him to go train with the two Hogoshas and Finn’s soldiers.

Spike knew he hadn’t made a good first impression with the Hogoshas. He had trouble with their names right off, one was Myoko and the other was Momoko, he thought. Or maybe it was Myomo and Mimoko. They both seemed to think he was an uncultured idiot.

Spike knew Raven was relieved to be away from him and get in some quality time with her own friends. He knew his constant distraction over Buffy was hurting her, but he didn’t know how to talk to her about it. He honestly didn’t think there was a way he could talk to her about this without hurting her more.

He still loved Raven, he loved everything about her and he wanted to be with her.

But Buffy…

He didn’t know. At one point Buffy was everything to him. He completely remade himself because of her. He changed his entire existence just for a chance to be with her. And now? He honestly couldn’t say.

He didn’t think it was possible for not to love her. It came as natural to him as breathing. However, he knew only too well that it wasn’t enough to love her.

Three more hours until they were due to arrive. What was he going to do until then? If he kept on like this he would drive himself nutty long before they got here. As impatient as he was for them to arrive, he was terrified to see Buffy.
So his thoughts circled again, fear of seeing her and what would he say, questioning his feelings towards her, berating himself for ignoring Raven, guilt over leaving Dawn and Buffy. Over and over again his thoughts swirled in his head, now between the anxiousness he was feeling and Angel’s preoccupation with that damn Cat Stevens song he was ready to climb the walls. Or climb through them.



Down the hall Xander was indeed locked away, but not with Willow.

“Are you here to try and make me feel better about getting left behind?” Dawn asked him. She stood there with her hands on her hips looking at him with stubborn determination that reminded him so much of her sister. “I don’t see what else we would have to say to one another.” She continued.

“Look, Dawn I never meant to hurt you…”

”Hurt me? I threw myself at you and you rejected me. Actually you didn’t even reject me you just walked out of the room and never said a word. That HURT me. However, when I found out my sister had disappeared and that you went off after her without even saying goodbye, I was well beyond hurt.”

Xander knew he couldn’t argue with her, he knew he handled the situation poorly. It ranked up there with leaving Anya waiting at the alter, but just like that he didn’t know how to take it back and make it all better.

Dawn turned around and walked to the window. “Would it be different if I was a real girl instead of just a blob of energy made into a girl?” She asked quietly.

“WHAT?!?” Xander grabbed her arm and turned her around. “Are you kidding me? I’ve always thought of you as a real girl. You are a real girl, Dawn. That’s the problem, you’re a girl and Buffy’s little sister on top of that. I just don’t see you in that way.”

“And you couldn’t bother to stick around long enough to explain that to me instead of running away in the middle of the night? It was like I lost my sister all over again, only this time I also lost one of my closest friends.”

“Dawn, I know I messed up, but I wasn’t even thinking clearly. I had been living on almost no sleep for several weeks between rescuing Buffy and then taking care of her. I was completely burnt out. Then one night I go into my bedroom and I find you in my bed naked. I didn’t even know how to react at that point, it was almost like one of those dreams you have where you are on the school bus and suddenly you realize you somehow got on the wrong bus and you aren’t sure how it happened.
All I could do at that point was just walk out and I just kept walking. When I got back the whole place is in an uproar because Buffy went missing again. I wanted to talk to you before I left, but what could I say? I thought I could make it better when I brought Buffy home. I never wanted to hurt you.”

Dawn sighed. “Déjà vu.” She muttered.

“Huh?”

“I had this same conversation with Spike the night he arrived.”

“Wait, You hopped in Spike’s bed naked too?!”

“No.” Dawn told him exasperated. “I was reading him the riot act for not being around and the conversation went pretty much the same way. He said he thought he was doing the right thing, too.”

“Oh. Ok then. Look Dawn I know you have problems with people leaving you, but we don’t do it to hurt you. Just like Giles wanting you to stay here, you know you will be more help to us in the research department and we are only a phone call away with these neat satellite phones.”

Dawn spared him a look. “You do know that saying neat is so out of date, don’t you?” She asked him. “So what you’re saying is its time for me to grow up and stop thinking the whole world revolves around me?”

“I would never say it like that, but in a nutshell, yeah.”

Dawn looked at him and smiled. She reached out and gave him a big hug. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

Dawn sat down on the bed and looked up at him.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to act when I see her.” She said sadly. Xander knew without asking she was talking about Buffy.

“I don’t either.” He told her as he sat beside her and put his arm around his shoulder. She leaned her head against him and for a few minutes the two friends just sat there and comforted each other’s fears.

“Peaches I swear to all that is evil, if you don’t turn off this fucking Cat Stevens song you’ve been playing since we got her I will climb through this wall and rip your heart out with my bare hands.”

Spike’s voice came clearly through the doorway, breaking the mournful mood that had occupied them. Xander and Dawn looked at each other and burst out laughing.

“We better go keep an eye on Dead Boy Jr. or we may be down one team member by the time they get here.” Xander offered

“Oh!! I know!! Let’s get Spike and take him to go pick on Riley’s soldiers. That way he can work of his nervous energy and we get to be entertained.”

“Dawn, that’s just mean and evil.” Xander sounded like he was about to scold her. “I like it!!” He finished with an evil grin.



Next door Angel had just started playing Katmandu again, it finally pushed Spike over the edge.

“That’s it Peaches, I warned you…” He threw open his bedroom door to see Dawn and Xander standing there.

Next to them Angel’s door opened. “Just because you can’t appreciate good music doesn’t mean the rest of us have to suffer, Spike.” He snapped before slamming his door shut.

“Maybe if you didn’t play the same song over and over again. Just because we are in Katmandu doesn’t mean you can’t play another song, you know?” Spike yelled. He moved to go kick in Angel’s door and destroy the source of the music once and for all.

“Easy there, Spike.” Xander said placing a hand on his arm to get his attention. “Why don’t we go pick a fight with the soldiers instead of taking out the allies we can actually trust?”

“Raven and the other girls already beat us to that idea, mate.” Spike said.

“Well then we’ll just go downstairs and see if we can’t find some other kind of trouble to get you into.” Dawn suggested.

“Fine, I didn’t want to waste my strength on that pansy anyway.” Spike yelled at Angel’s door.

He knew that they were trying to distract him and he was extremely grateful for the gesture, especially coming from Dawn. It seemed his Lil’ Bit was warming up to him. He hoped their talk would help her get some of her anger at him off her chest so she could begin to let go of it. It appeared to have worked.

He wondered if he would have the same chance to talk to her sister. He sighed to himself.

Dawn was right about one thing. It always came back to Buffy for him.


Unable to come up with anything else to keep themselves occupied, the three of them decided to head downstairs to find Willow. They had searched most of the downstairs before they found her with Giles in the library.

“Not a fan of Cat Stevens, I take it.” Willow commented as they entered.

Spike grinned. “Heard that, did you Red?”

“I believe the neighbors heard you, Spike.” Giles said dryly.

“Sorry, Watcher, didn’t mean to disturb your beauty sleep.”

“No, its quite all right, sleep is highly overrated anyhow.” Giles muttered.

“I was just telling Giles I think I have all of the information we are going to get on the Rogues.” Willow told the others.

Spike sat down on an oversized couch. “Well then lets here about our new bosom chums, shall we?”

“Where are Riley’s men? I don’t necessarily think they should be part of this conversation.” Giles said.

”Raven and the “M” girls are with them. I think they are comparing fighting techniques.” Spike told him.

“The “M” girls?” Dawn asked Spike.

“Momoko. Myoko. Mimoto. Mikimoto. I couldn’t bloody keep their names straight.”

“Spike there is only two of them and its Myoko and Mimoko.” Willow said.

“Whatever you say…Red.” She rolled her eyes at him.

“Ok, from what Riley sent us and what Lorne was able to uncover through his contacts we know that the Rogues consist of a six member team.” Willow started, going into lecture mode. The others took seats around Spike on the couches. “There are a couple of other various creatures; demons and humans that they sometimes contract to help with specific jobs, but there are only six permanent team members. Here is the information I have on each one,” Willow’s fingers flew across her laptop as she pulled up the files.

“First off, Ian Thorpe, aka Shadow. Age is undetermined, but he is at least 60 years old.”

“He sure didn’t look 60 to me.” Xander commented. “I want in on his health program.”

“It was commonly believed that he was British due to the accent,” Willow continued, ignoring Xander. “But new information indicates he was actually born in India. He has been trained in several different styles of fighting and is reportedly a master of all of them. He gets the name ‘Shadow’ from his ability to blend into and travel along shadows.”

“Have we come up with a way to detect him when he does that?” Xander asked.

“Aside from having Illyria present, no.” Willow said, sounding discouraged. “I won’t be able to work on that until he gets here and I can isolate his energy signature.” Again there was typing on the computer.

“Next is the reason Riley decided to volunteer soldiers to help us, we think. Hostile 8320, aka Simon. Evidently the Initiative never went out of business, in fact from what number they are on I think they have actually gone into hyper speed.”

”What was your number?” Dawn asked Spike.

“17” Giles and Xander both answered.

Spike shook his head. “It would figure you two would remember that tidbit.”

Willow cleared her throat loudly to get their attention. “Simon,” She continued when she had it. “Is a Fyarl Demon that they genetically altered.”

“What a beautiful idea. Let’s take something as stupid and vicious as a Fyarl and give it some extra enhancements.” Venom dripped from Spike’s voice as he thought of what else the Initiative might have been up to in the past 10 years.

“Actually they raised his intelligence.” Willow said.

”Really?” Giles asked intrigued.

“Yeah, his IQ is supposed to be higher than Stephen Hawking’s.”

“A smart Fyarl.” Spike mused. “That sounds even worse than a dumb Fyarl.”

“How is it this Simon is no longer in the Initiative?” Giles asked.

“I’m assuming he escaped somehow, but I’m not sure. The files Riley sent me have a lot of details concerning the method they used to genetically alter him, but they really don’t discuss why they did it or how he came to be out in the world.”

“That’s why you said we couldn’t trust Riley’s men?” Dawn asked her.

“Pretty much. I mean I hate to think Riley would knowingly betray us,” Spike started laughing. Willow just shot him a glare. “I just think we should be on the lookout for anything fishy with them.”

“Don’t worry. I don’t plan on trusting these Meatheads.” Spike assured her. “You all may think Major Cardboard is a real American Hero, but you can’t sell me on that bill of goods.”

“Next we have Helena Valero aka Cat. We actually have a lot of information on Helena, because most of her life is well published in Brazil.”

Spike sat up straight. “Cat? I think I may have heard of her she’s the Jaguar Goddess, right? I was warned to stay far away from her when Dru and I were in Brazil, she supposed to be vicious. Makes the most blood thirsty demon seem amicable.”

Willow made a note in her computer.

“Well, She is 32 years old. She was born in Brazil in the state of Bahia.”

“I’ve heard about that place. That’s where they still practice voodoo, right?” Dawn asked.

“Yep, her father was actually a voodoo priest, her mother had died in childbirth. When she was 14 her father moved from Bahia to Manaus, which is the largest city in the Amazon. He wanted to try and help the Indians who were losing their land there.
Helena and her father were on a trip down one of the tributaries of the Amazon trying to locate one of the tribes, when there was a boating accident. They tried to make their way out of the jungle on foot, but her father was bitten by a centipede and died.”

“He died from a centipede bite?” Xander asked disbelievingly.

“In the Amazon the bloody centipedes are about an inch and a half wide and 9-12” long.” Spike answered him.

”Gross.” Dawn made a face. “Definitely not someplace I ever want to go.”

“ANYWAY!!” Willow called back their attention. “After her father died Helena was found by the Yanoami tribe that inhabits that area. She wound up staying there and living with them for the next 10 years. When she finally returned to civilization it was in support of her father’s dream, to protest the treatment of the Indians. She wanted them to get reparations for the land that was being stolen from them so they had a chance to start a new future in the modern world. She raised quite a fuss, and gained quite a bit of attention for her cause. After a long fight the government agreed to her demands and made payments to each of the tribesman of the Yanoami.”

“So she won why is she so vicious and when did she turn into a Jaguar Lady?” D awn asked.

“When the Brazilian government sent the money into the Amazon they also sent salesmen. When Helena got back, there they had no money left, but every single member of the tribe was wearing new Nike Airs and new pairs of designer jeans.”

“Are you kidding me?” Spike exclaimed. “So they gave them money and then convinced them to waste it on something they didn’t need just so they couldn’t get any rights for themselves?”

“The Indians had no idea what money meant or what they could with it. A week later when they were forced off their land they had no money and nowhere to go. Helena, fed up with the governments tricks, tried to cast a spell by combining Yanoami traditions and Voodoo to call up the Jaguar god of the Yanoami to help them.

Unfortunately it didn’t work as she planned, it may have called the god, but instead of answering their prayers he gave Helena the powers of a Jaguar. For a while she used her gifts to pay back the government officials by attacking the men whose job it was to tear down the Amazon. Finally the Yanoami, afraid of government retribution making their lives in even more miserable cast her out. After she was cast out of the Amazon there is no records of her except for one of Lorne’s contacts who positively ID’d her as being with the Rogues.”

“Helena has spotted skin, with rosettes similar to the pattern of a Jaguar’s coat and her teeth are razor sharp cat teeth. She has the reflexes of a Jaguar, the ability to leap great distances and balance high up on tree limbs.” Willow continued on hoping the others were listening, she was getting aggravated with their lack of focus.

“Cat woman was always my favorite comic book character.” Xander muttered.

“Moving ON!!!” Willow said. “Pixie is a being who comes from the Faery dimension. We don’t have too much information on her except for her abilities; she is able to change her looks so she can imitate any female she comes in contact with, she can also take the form of a small firefly.”

“Hey I saw that in that movie with the unicorns and Tom Cruise.” Dawn said. “Are you sure this is for real?”

“That’s part of the information that came from Lorne. He said it was a reliable source.”

“Let me get this straight.” Giles said taking off his glasses again and cleaning them. “So far we have a Pixie, a Cat Woman, a Fyarl demon, and Thorpe”

“That’s right.” Willow agreed.

”How many more are left?” He asked tiredly. “I’m getting too bloody old for this nonsense.” He muttered to himself, but Spike of course heard him.

“I’ll take a glass of that scotch you are about to pour, Rupert.” Giles nodded his head as he stood up and walked to the liquor cabinet.

“Just two and hey, one of those is a perfectly normal human. Twenty-Five year old Jason Seidman, aka Tech. Born in New York, he is a computer and technological wiz; supposedly he can hack into any computer in the world. He usually doesn’t work in the field so he will probably be here with Dawn working research and reconnaissance.”

“That just leaves us with one more.” Giles prompted.

“The Slayer.” Willow said, with a sigh. “No real name known although we have some suspicions. Her age is also unknown. She is reportedly the most ruthless fighter they have. She stays away from most of her team members with the exception of Thorpe who she is reportedly involved with.”

Willow didn’t look up as she said this. She didn’t want to witness the look on Spike’s face. Dawn, however, watched him carefully. She could clearly see the pain there when Willow spoke of Buffy being involved. Dawn wondered what was going to happen when Buffy actually arrived. She had noticed the hurt look in Raven’s eyes as she tried to get Spike to talk to her about what was going on, but he just kept brushing her off. Dawn didn’t know anything about their relationship, but she was betting there were going to be some major problems real soon if they weren’t already.

“That isn’t everything is it?” Spike demanded of Willow.

”I’m afraid so. Every report says the same thing: fierce warrior, loner, doesn’t interact with anyone except Thorpe.”

“Do you think he has her under a spell?” Xander asked.

”He has to. That doesn’t sound like her at all.” Spike agreed with Xander.

“I don’t know, but he said we could check to make sure she wasn’t under any spells.” Willow argued.

“Any thoughts on how to go about doing that yet, Willow?” Giles asked her.

”I think the best thing to do will be to have her sing for Lorne. That will be the least intrusive way to do it and that should tell us everything we need to know.”

“When is the Green Dude getting here?” Xander questioned. “You don’t think he ran off with all that cash, do you?”

“No he’ll be here.” Spike was happy he sounded more confident than he felt.

“What about the other spell you’ve been working on?” Giles again addressed Willow.

“I’ll have it ready.” She said quietly. “I just hope it will work in the way we want it to, we still don’t know what effect casting it had on Buffy, I can’t be certain what will happen when we reverse it.”

“It’s only going to be used in the worst case scenario.” Giles assured her.

”What are you two on about?” Spike asked.

“Remember how I told you I taught Buffy to partition her mind to separate the Demon part from the Slayer part? Well, it was right after that she escaped, before then she couldn’t do much of anything, because she was so torn up inside.”

“And?” Spike prompted when Willow didn’t continue.

Giles answered him instead of Willow. “Spike if she is indeed running around killing or hurting innocent people it is our duty to incapacitate her. I have given Willow permission to take down the partitions in her mind.”

“You would drive her mad again?” Spike shouted.

Dawn stood up. “You can’t do that to her.”

“Buffy would never do anything so vicious as what has been described to us that these people have done. Do you really believe she is in her right mind if she is committing atrocities? If Willow takes down the partitions we may have a shot of healing her completely and getting our Buffy back.” Giles tried to explain.

“Its what Buffy would have wanted.” Angel’s voice came from the doorway.

“What do you know about it?” Dawn demanded. “I don’t remember you being around her much before she was kidnapped how can you claim to know what she would want?”

“Dawn please calm down. We don’t know yet that this will even be necessary.”

“Fine. I just want to go on record as saying this is a terrible idea. You don’t take someone who has been through what Buffy has been through and try to mess with her mind. What if you can’t fix her? Are you just going to leave her insane and trapped inside herself? Why don’t you just kill her then? I think my sister would prefer death, then to spend the rest of her life strapped to a bed because she tries to claw her heart every time she is free!!”

“We can’t let a violent killer run free.” Willow told her gently.

Dawn just shook her head.

“I can feel the fear and anxiety coming off of you all from upstairs.” Illyria spoke as she entered the room. “Why do you choose to torture yourselves in this manner?” She asked.

“Its called guilt. I don’t imagine you know anything about it.” Giles told her.

“You are all thinking of the damaged Slayer.” Illyria stated. “How can you blame yourselves for occurrences that were not of your design?”

“They may not have been of our design, but had we been better friends maybe we could have stopped them from occurring.” Xander explained to her.

“So you sit here and blame yourselves, while you mourn for the friend you lost. That is stupid. Your friend is still alive, instead of mourning the person she was and punishing her for not being that person anymore, you should concentrate on knowing who she is now.” Illyria tilted her head and focused on Spike. “I thought you understood this. You were the only one who was able to accept that I wasn’t Fred after I took over this shell.”

“Its not the same thing there, Blue.”

“No, its not, but it still applies to this situation as well.”

“She’s right.” Xander admitted. “It might be a lot easier on all of us if we don’t expect our Buffy to walk in the door and I think we should wait on performing any until we have a better picture of what’s going on. Like seeing her butcher children with our own two eyes, or one eye in my case.”

Spike shook his head. “I’m going to check on Raven and the M’s.” He told them storming out of the room.


Spike found Raven in the back of the house, in the large training room. When he walked in she was facing one of the soldiers. Spike remembered his name was Thomas, whether that was a first or last name he did not know. He ignored the glares he got from the soldiers and the quiet whispers that went on between the two Japanese girls as he focused on Raven.

Thomas attacked, but Raven defended against him easily. He gave her an impressed smile before attacking again. This time Raven allowed him to land his blow, but then she used his momentum to pull him forward and flip him onto the floor.

“You’re good.” Thomas said appreciatively.

“Thank you, so are you.” Raven answered politely. Then she noticed Spike in the doorway. He couldn’t help but notice how she immediately tensed up and the sadness in her eyes returned.

“Looking good as always, luv.” He greeted her. He tried to keep the possesive look out of his eyes, but seeing her fighting with one of Riley’s soldiers made him grit his teeth.

A small smile crossed her face. “Well that really wasn’t too much of a challenge.” She could see the jealousy in his eyes and it lifted her heart to see that he still felt jealous of her. Maybe she could remind him of a few other things.

Spike smirked. “Really? Think I might offer more of a challenge for you?.”

Raven turned away from him and shrugged her shoulders. “You could try.” Inside she trembling with anticipation. She missed sparring with him, fighting together had always been one of their favorite activities. Of course what usually happened after the fighting was her FAVORITE activity. Hopefully she would have the opportunity to remind him about that as well.

Her casual words were all the invitation Spike needed, he launched himself at her. She didn’t even have to turn around she simply tucked down and when he got close enough she reached up and grabbed his outstretched arms and flipped him over her. When he landed on the mat she quickly straddled his hips. He could have easily escaped her, but feeling her sitting on top of him made him forget everything else that was happening right now. He could just pretend for a few moments that they were back at home and their biggest worry was whether they had enough staff to cover the club that night.

“I thought there was supposed to be some sort of challenge involved here.” Raven joked. Spike was happy to see her eyes no longer looked so sad. He felt himself harden as Raven rubbed her body seductively over his. He missed that too. He hadn’t had any real contact with her since they left for London. It was probably the longest they had gone without having sex since they got together.

“It was a challenge all right.” Spike told her, before he pulled her down towards him for a deep kiss. Spike was considering dragging her upstairs right now. He was sure the she could help him work off some of his nervous energy.

“Uh guys.” A voice called, but Spike ignored it. “GUYS!!!” This time Xander’s voice was right next to him.

Spike turned his head a growled at him. “Something you wanted Whelp?”

“I thought you might want to know Lorne is here and Illyria says that the Rogues have also arrived, an hour and a half early.”

Spike felt like he had just been kicked in the stomach. He had been planning on going upstairs with Raven and completely forgot about Buffy. How could he do that? Did Buffy really have a relationship with Thorpe? Could she really get close to someone after everything that had happened to her?

He swallowed thickly. “Right then, lets go meet our new team mates.” Xander backed up and left the room, Spike noticed the soldiers and the ‘M’s” were also leaving.

“I don’t suppose they’ll let me get away with calling them the “M” girls to their face, ey?” He asked Raven. She didn’t answer him and when he looked up at her he could see the fear was back again, worse than before.

“Here now,” he whispered. “None of that. I love you, you should know that by now.” He ran his hand lightly over her lips, deliberately not thinking of Buffy and how she had done that their last night together.

“I know you do, but I’m still afraid I’m going to lose you.”

“No chance of that.” He assured her ignoring the voice inside him calling him a liar. He kissed her again before moving her off of him. He stood up and then helped her up, he took her hand.

Together they entered the foyer where everyone else was already gathered. Spike saw Thorpe standing in front of Giles. Next to Thorpe Spike immediately recognized Simon, it was hard to miss Fyarl demon. Helena stood towards the back, her dark brown hair and dark skin made the jaguar markings not as noticeable as he would have thought. There was definitely a wild beauty about her. Next to her was an awkward looking young man, who had to be Jason, the computer whiz. Of Buffy and the Pixie there was no sign.

“Is this everyone then?” Thorpe asked Giles.

“Yes Mr. Thorpe it is.”

“Please call me Shadow, we’re business associates now. No need to be formal.”

“All right then, Shadow. This is everyone.”

“I didn’t know we were expecting Initiative Troops.” Shadow commented.

Giles looked at the soldiers guiltily. They were standing there looking about as unfriendly as you could get. It was easy to see that they would not hesitate to raise their weapons at the slightest provocation.

“We weren’t aware of the history between members of your team and the Initiative when we accepted their help.”

Shadow watched him as if trying to gauge the truth of his words.

Spike saw what looked like a drunken firefly come floating past his head and into the room. There was a bright flash and in the place of the firefly there stood a woman who could only be Pixie. She had brilliant red hair and green eyes that could be seen glowing from across the room.

“He isn’t lying this is all of them.” Pixie told her boss in a very musical voice. “I’m pleased we have so many attractive men with us on this job.” She threw a flirtatious smile over her shoulder. “I look forward to getting to know all of you better.”

“You should be kept in a box.” Helena said loudly.

“Down kitty. No need to be all jealous-like.” Pixie giggled at her.

“Ladies, please.” Shadow admonished them. “So I assume you have chosen to accept our proposal?” Shadow then asked Giles.

“Yes, provided everything you told us was true.” Giles answered him.

Shadow looked back at Helena and nodded. She walked to the door and opened it.

“You are on.” She said to the person outside.

Even before she walked through Spike knew it was her. He recognized the feeling of her. It was Buffy. It was his Buffy. Every muscle in his body was taut with anticipation.

Yet, the woman who walked through the door looked nothing like his Buffy. Her once honey blonde hair was now a dark brown, cropped close to her head. She wore black pants and a black tight fitting shirt, on her feet were heavy combat boots. It was obvious she dressed for practical matters more than fashion now.

However, Spike knew immediately that appearances weren’t the only difference. Her smell was different and when he concentrated he could even tell that the feeling of her was different as well.

She walked into the room looking at each one of them in turn. Spike searched her eyes for the passion she once held. Instead he saw nothing, not the hatred and bitterness he so feared. No sadness over her life, but certainly no joy either.

Once she stood directly in front of Giles she stopped.

“Hello.” It was just one word but it made Spike want to sob in relief, there was no hint of madness in her voice. It was calm and collected.

“Buffy.” Giles breathed. “We’ve missed…”

Buffy cut him off before he could go any further. “Do you have our money?” Again her voice was calm. It could have been easy to be hateful, but there was simply no emotion what so ever.

Giles blinked at her rapidly before nodding. “Er, well yes we do.” Giles stuttered, he looked around, before remembering he wasn’t the one with the money. “Actually Lorne has it.”

“Right here, boss.” Lorne stepped forward towards Buffy. He had two large suitcases in his hands. Buffy reached out to take the suitcases from him. “Hold on one moment, sweetie, you want the money you have to sing.” Buffy looked at him confused, then looked back at Shadow.

“What is this?” Shadow asked.

”You said we could perform any spell we wanted to make sure she wasn’t under anyone’s control.” Angel told him coldly. “Lorne is an empathy demon, but he can only read people when they sing.”

“How very clever of you.” Shadow looked at Lorne. “I may actually be able to use your services when I am interviewing potential clients if you are interested.”

”Sorry, I don’t even want this job.” Lorne told him, he looked at Buffy. “So are you going to sing or not? This is my livelyhood in here and if you don’t sing I don’t have to give it up.”

“Fine.” Buffy said, she sounded slightly irritated, but not as mad as she normally would have over the prospect of being forced to sing. “What do you want me to sing?”

“Whatever your heart desires.”

Buffy stood there for a few more seconds before opening her mouth and singing. “Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb…”

”Stop!” Lorne told her quite upset. “She’s completely in control of herself.” He told the others. He looked back at Buffy as he handed her the suitcases. “You are nothing like the girl I’ve heard so much about all these years.”

Buffy just looked up at him with no expression on her face. “No, I’m not.” She agreed as she took the suitcases from him. She walked them over to Simon, placed them on the floor and opened them. He bent down and watched as she thumbed through them quickly.

“Its all here.” His voice came out as nothing but a growl, but it was surprisingly easy to understand.

“Very good.” Shadow said. “Mr. Giles you’ve just hired the Rogues.”

Chapter VII Blackmail

As the introductions and greetings were being made Shadow suggested they all sit down and go over Giles’ plans and objectives point by point. Giles, however, was having a hard time getting both his notes and his head in order due to his distraction caused by the Slayer standing before him.

He watched out of the corner of his eye how both Willow and Xander attempted to make friendly overtures towards her, but she deflected these attempts with ease. When Dawn endeavored to speak with her she looked at her sister as if she had never seen her before and didn’t even bother to respond to her. It wasn’t that she was rude towards them, nor was her behavior particularly cold, it was more a lack of any emotion that sent them away.

Bitterness, anger, pain, that he could have understood and worked with, this thoroughly confounded him. It was similar to the last year in Sunnydale and the way she cut herself off from everyone emotionally, only then he could see the pain and sadness deep within her eyes. Now there was nothing, no feeling whatsoever in her eyes.

‘She didn’t cut herself off from everyone.’ A voice in his head whispered. Giles looked to where Spike stood with Raven tucked in his arms. He was obviously studying Buffy and her interactions with her friends, as well.

Giles had come to understand better the connection Buffy had felt for Spike after the vampire had been gone. Not the emotional attachment the two shared, because Buffy refused to speak of her feeling for the blonde vampire, but more the connection she felt towards him based on ability and experience. Spike was the only one in her group that had the strength and prowess to handle himself, he could be there for her when all the others could do is stand back and watch. He also understood what it was like for her to have to fight every night of her life and he understood the cravings that could develop for the violence even before it was known there was a demon entity living inside each of the Slayers.

More than that Spike had always been able to get through to Buffy when no one else could. He used his brash and often insulting words to get through her walls. Not even Angel had been able to break down those walls after she came back, it had been Spike she confided her deepest secrets to and to Spike she had run to take her pain away.

Giles found himself in the curious position of being relieved that Spike had come with them, especially given his past feeling concerning the vampire, and Giles almost wished that Raven weren’t in the picture so Spike could concentrate fully on reaching Buffy.

Realizing that everyone had by now taken seats and they were now waiting on him to begin, Giles finished sorting his notes and addressed the assembled group.

“For some of you this will be a review of things we’ve gone over a dozen or more times so please bear with me.” He took a deep breath and began.

“Several years ago we discovered that the uprisings we experienced on Hellmouths around the world and various other demonic hot spots were no more than a distraction. After investigating we uncovered the true objective was the raising of an army under our noses. We managed to have one of our team infiltrate and join up with the First Evil so he could send us more information on their plans.
Until recently his reports contained nothing more than daily activities, training methods and the number of troops that had been accumulated. Now, however, their larger plan has been announced and he has even managed to send us a copy of the prophecy they are working from.” Giles looked over at Dawn who had been the key translator to work on the prophecy.
“Dawn would you like to explain what you translated so far?” Giles asked her.

Dawn stood up. “This prophecy was written long before humans were even a thought, as Illyria likes to remind us we were nothing but ooze, then. It talks about various signs events that would occur before the prophecy would start to take place. Illyria’s resurrection and her failure to take over the world, the destruction of the Slayer line, the battle in Los Angeles destroying Wolfram & Hart’s branch there.”

“Wait a moment.” Helena interrupted. “Destruction of the Slayer line? How is that possible? She is a Slayer?” She pointed at Buffy who was sitting there quietly.

“When Buffy activated all of the potential Slayers, it effectively ended the Slayer line. There have been no more Potentials born since then and no new Slayers have been activated since then. We had thought that maybe the line was now running through Faith, but then she died and again no new Slayers were called.”

“So there won’t be anymore Slayers?” Shadow asked curiously.

“Andrew found a prophecy that speaks of a Slayer in the future who has a twin brother or something, but that’s like a thousand years from now” Dawn answered.

“Interesting.” Shadow commented.

“Can I continue?” Dawn asked him, just short of being rude. She felt an instant dislike for this man who in her opinion kept her sister from her for the last three years.

“By all means.” He gave her a winning smile.

“Anyhoo, the prophecy describes how the First Evil and Wolfram & Hart are going to use a ‘warrior of stone’ to reanimate the Thunder Dragon, the most ruthless and savage of the Old Ones. Then they will join their army with his and enslave our world.”

”I tell you that prophecy makes no sense.” Illyria interrupted her. “He will have no interest in enslaving your race, he will wipe you out without a second thought. He also won’t have any dealings with the Wolf, Ram and the Hart, they are too far beneath him.”

“Either way it doesn’t look good for us.” Xander said.

“Do they have the ‘Warrior of Stone’ yet?” Shadow asked.

“As far as we know they do not, although our source indicates they are expecting it to arrive in the next two weeks. They also do not have possession of the coffin yet. The Thunder Dragon had a maze of caverns and tunnels that run through the Himalayas, the coffin was supposed to appear there somewhere.” Giles answered him.

“Do you know who or what the ‘Warrior of Stone’ is?” Simon growled out his rough voice sounded like rocks being ground together.

“We do not.” Giles said tiredly.

“We’ve found different references that describe legendary warriors who were turned to stone throughout the ages and we have several people looking into them, but so far we’ve come up with nothing.” Dawn added. “There is a few more pages to the prophecy that may explain it in more detail, but neither Andrew or I have been able to translate them yet, because they are written in code as well as in an ancient text.”

“J?” Shadow turned to the young man sitting behind them typing furiously on a lap top computer.

“Already on it, Boss.” He answered. “Checking all possible legends and stories for references to ‘Warrior of Stone’.” He looked up at Dawn. “If you can get me a copy of that prophecy I have a program that can decode it in about 5 minutes.”

Dawn gave him a condescending look. “Really. We have a program, too, it still doesn’t come out right.”

“Yes, but my program is custom made and will decipher anything.” He told her smugly.

Dawn turned bright red; she was more than slightly perturbed at the insinuation that she didn’t do her job thoroughly, before she could say anything Giles interrupted the moment.

“Thank you, Dawn.” She nodded stiffly and sat down, still glaring at the Jason.

“So in essence we have to make sure this warrior doesn’t reach their fortress high up in the Himalayas and we should also try to destroy the Thunder Dragons army before he awakens and calls them to arms. That’s simple enough.” Shadow said. “Mr. Giles when are you going to hear from your informant again?”

”He’s scheduled to check in today. He was going to let us know if they have recovered the coffin yet, and transmit a rough map of the tunnels.”

“Brilliant!!” Shadow exclaimed. “And I was worried this mission might actually present a challenge for us.”

“Meaning?” Giles asked irritably.

“Meaning we already have all the pieces to solve this puzzle.” Shadow stood up and turned towards his team. “Simon, Buffy; you will go with myself, the vampires, the Demon Queen, the Witch and the soldiers into the tunnels. We will ensure the Thunder Dragon’s army is neutralized.”

He turned back to face the others. “Meanwhile the rest of you will set up a roadblock above Tongsa Dzong. If they can’t get their statue, then they can’t resurrect this Thunder Dragon. Once both situations have been taken care of we’ll meet back up, call in the reinforcements and take out the main fortress. Its all very simple, as I said.”

”Simple as long as you don’t worry about details.” Angel stood up and confronted him. “How do you plan on Spike and I getting to these tunnels? The closest entrance is a 4 day walk from the road, with no shelter during the day.”

“And how exactly to do you reckon 9 of us can defeat the army of a Demon Lord?” Spike questioned.

“I really don’t think splitting our already limited sources is a good idea.” Giles added in.

”Not too mention where are we going to get reinforcements from? All the Slayers that are still alive are busy guarding Hellmouths and can’t leave. As far as I knew this was our army.” Xander spoke up as well.

“That’s because you don’t know how to utilize your liabilities.” Shadow told them. “That the first thing you learn how to do in Special Ops training isn’t it Thomas?” Shadow addressed the soldier without looking at him.

Thomas stood up straight and immediately went on the defensive, as did his men. “Yes it is.” He answered quietly.

“We’re going to need you to get in touch with Major Finn and tell him we need some of those silent helicopters he has at the secret airbase in Bangladesh to air drop us into Bhutan. We’ll also need some heavy artillery on the ground, tanks or modern armor should do, to set up a roadblock.” Shadow turned around to face the soldiers giving them a cold grin. “And you can tell Major Finn we will be needing reinforcements to take the fortress, whether they are US troops or some other countries we don’t really care.”

“We aren’t authorized to use that machinery, sir, and we certainly can’t commandeer another countries military personnel.”

”Really? Hmmm. How interesting.” Shadow remarked. “Tell me Thomas, what exactly are your mission objectives here?”

“We are here to aid the Watcher’s Council in this endeavor.” Thomas answered. He seemed nervous suddenly.

“And your secondary objectives?” Shadow advanced until he was standing only a couple of feet away from the soldier.

Thomas didn’t answer him, but one of his hands slid down until it rested on his gun.

“What’s the matter Thomas? Cat got you tongue?” Behind him Helena got a slow grin on her face. Thomas still didn’t answer, so Shadow again addressed the young man behind him typing on the computer. “J, care to enlighten our new friends on Major Finn’s plans for them?”

“Secondary Objectives” Jason began. “Neutralize Hostile 17, Angelus former Scourge of Europe and Buffy Summers, Slayer.”

What happened next was almost too fast for even the vampires to follow.

The soldiers pulled their guns and took aim at Shadow, who promptly melted into the shadows on the floor. There was a loud roar and a blur of color as Helena launched herself 15 feet through the air towards one of the soldiers, tackling him and knocking the gun from his hands. Shadow reappeared behind another of the soldiers and grabbed him around the throat, choking him. Meanwhile, Buffy had performed a series of cartwheels across the room and kicked Thomas in the face on her last somersault. She stood over him hold a gun.

Thomas lay on the ground panting hard with his hand over his heart. “You won’t shoot me.” He told her. “I’ve read your files, you don’t kill humans.”

“Really?” Buffy said. Thomas moved his hand and tried to pull another small gun out of a holster located in his vest near his chest. Unfortunately for him Buffy was faster. She shot him neatly through the hand and into his chest.

“I would recommend updating your files.” She said as she walked away and took her seat again across the room.

“Dear Lord.” Giles cried as he and Willow rushed to the wounded soldier. Dawn stared at Buffy in shock and horror and Angel looked at her with pure disgust.

“Buffy! What did you do?” Xander yelled at her.

“Relax. I was aiming for his hand, I missed his heart by three inches, he’ll live even if Willow can’t heal him.”

The soldier Shadow had been choking had passed out, while Helena crouched over the last soldier growling menacingly. Shadow walked up behind her and looked down at him. “The code to activate your communication device?” He asked him.

The soldier shook his head, terrified. Helena opened her mouth to reveal her sharp teeth. “Are you saying you’d rather play with me? I love to play.” She purred down at him.

“1,6,2,0.” The soldier said quickly.

Spike looked sharply at Buffy, immediately recognizing her old address, but Buffy didn’t seem to notice the coincidence or if she did she didn’t care.

“Thank you.” Shadow told him. “Tie him up, Cat, and don’t forget this other one as well.” Shadow walked over to where Thomas lay. “Fix him all up, yet?” He asked Willow.

Willow glared up at him. “I can’t remove the bullet, but I put a stasis spell on him so he is frozen in time. If we can get him to the hospital soon he should live.”

“Good, we’ll need him for bargaining power.”

“Bargaining power!!” Giles exclaimed. “Now listen here…” Shadow just ignored him and turned away. “How are we coming with that ambulance, J?” He asked him.

“I already contacted the emergency services here and they are sending an ambulance, it should be here any moment now.”

Sirens could in fact be heard approaching in the distance. Shadow walked to where Thomas lay still as death. He searched him quickly for the device he used to contact his superiors; he found it just as the ambulance crew burst in. Shadow pointed down at Thomas.

“This man has been shot.” The EMT’s exchanged a look. “He will also need to be under constant surveillance at your facility. You can tell your Chief of Staff Ian Thorpe requests his cooperation in this.” The men’s eyes widened when Shadow told them his name and the immediately rushed over to begin working on the man.

Willow removed her spell to allow them to work.

Pixie had situated herself near the driver of the ambulance and was using all of her charms to back him up against the door.

“You are an attractive man aren’t you?” She cooed softly to him. The man was lost in her luminous eyes and the sensuality she evoked in him.

“Pixie, they have a job to do.” Shadow reminded her.

”Can’t I go with them and maybe play a little. I like this one.” She told him.

“Tramp.” Helena muttered, as she finished tying up the other two soldiers.

“Jealousy suits you about as much as those claws do.” Pixie snapped at her. “Just because no man would want you is no reason to take it out on me.”

Helena stood up and marched over towards her. “I’ll show you exactly what these claws can do.”

“ENOUGH!!!” Shadow yelled. Helena stopped in her tracks. The EMT’s had loaded Thomas onto the stretcher and were in the process of carrying him out. “Pixie you can go with them, but you have to keep an on our friend Thomas. We don’t want him getting away now.”

“Got it Boss.” She turned back to the still enchanted driver. “Come sweetie, lets go for a ride.” With that they left.

“Is it ok if I go, too?” Buffy asked.

Shadow looked at her. “You have plans tonight?”

“I was hoping to make some rounds and see what I could find. I’m not any good at this planning.”

“Shall I look for you later?”

“You know where you can find me.”

“All right.”

Buffy got up and went out the door. Shadow turned back to Giles and the Scoobies. “Mr. Giles, we need to make a phone call to Major Finn.”

“I’m not comfortable with this at all.” Giles told him.

“We don’t shoot humans.” Angel added. “We also don’t try to blackmail the government.”

”Of course you don’t.” Shadow answered. “That’s why you hired me. If you want to be present for the call we’ll be in the office, its in the back of the house behind the training room.” Shadow told them, and then he, Simon, and Jason left the room as well.

After they left, the only noise in the room was the two Japanese girls talking to between themselves. Raven looked at them sharply at one point and snapped at them in Japanese, the girls immediately looked embarrassed and became quiet.

When everyone looked at her in question she turned red. “They were talking about how this is the reason we usually don’t involve ourselves with the Watcher’s Council. They don’t think you have honor.”

It was Giles who looked embarrassed now. “Please tell them that we thought we were doing what was best. We didn’t know what we were getting into when we agreed to hire these Rogues.”

Raven translated to the girls and they seemed slightly appeased, but still uncomfortable.

“I like their methods.” Illyria said. “They are not bound by the moral issues that impede you from doing you tasks well. They seem to understand that the end result is more important than the means you use to get it done.”

“Well that isn’t really our way of doing things.” Xander told her.

”I know that. That is why you fail.” Illyria answered.

“So now what?” Willow asked.

“I should probably go see exactly how Shadow is going to handle the situation with Riley.” Giles said.

“Honestly, I’m not thrilled about using innocent men as blackmail, but I’m even less thrilled with the fact Riley is trying to have us killed.” Angel said. “I never liked that guy.”

Angel looked over at Spike, but he was just staring out the door that Buffy had just exited through.

“What about Buffy?” Angel asked no one in particular, but it grabbed Spike’s attention like he knew it would.

“I knew it was her as soon as she walked in.” Spike said distractedly. “She still feels the same, but at the same time there is something more there.”

“Yeah, that’s what I got, too. Lorne what did you see when you read her.” Lorne had taken up position in the back after turning over the money and proceeded to drink heavily.

“That girl is so cold she makes Illyria look warm and fuzzy, but she is definitely free from any spells and not under anyone else’s control. There is some strong magicks at work inside her, but I think that is a result of her demons.”

“She feels nothing.” Illyria said. Everyone looked at her surprised. “The emotions she does feel are just diluted fragments.”

“Is she soulless?” Willow asked. “Could she have lost her soul when she was turned?”

”She still has a soul.” Illyria answered. “However, I don’t think she chooses to use it.”

“What does that mean?” Dawn asked.

“It means exactly what I just said. She chooses not to feel things, so she doesn’t.”

“Can we fix her?” Xander asked.

“Why do you assume she is broken?” Illyria questioned. “She was created to be a warrior for the people and to stand alone against evil. What place do emotions have in such things?”

“Emotions give you passion. Emotions give you edge. Emotions make you stronger than you knew.” It was Myoko who spoke up for the first time in English.

Illyria tilted her head and studied the girl. “You are also a Slayer.” She stated.

Myoko nodded. “Yes, I was born with the gift, but my sister was not.”

“Yet, I can still beat her in a fight more than she can beat me.” Momoko added. “Because of emotions and determination.”

“Buffy used to say the same thing.” Giles said sadly, smiling at the girls. They smiled back at him.

“I think I want to go out and see Katmandu.” Willow announced suddenly. “Xander you want to go with me?”

Xander looked over at her and the two seemed to communicate through that look. “Sure, Will. New country, lots of sights to see, I bet. That Ok with you G-man.”

“Fine, but don’t be out too late, who knows, we may be jumping out of helicopters tomorrow night. Angel, perhaps you and Illyria should come with me to speak with Shadow about his way of doing things. Spike would you like to join us?”

“I’m thinking we should just head up to bed. Its been a long day and we could use the rest.” Spike told him. Raven looked up at him surprised, but didn’t say anything.

“All right then, good night.”

“We’ll see you all tomorrow.” Willow called as she and Xander headed out the door. Spike watched them intently as they left.



Once outside Xander turned to face Willow. “You think you can follow her now?”

“There is still something blocking her signal from me, so I tried to put the spell on her vest instead.”

“You put a tracking spell on a piece of clothing? How would that even work?”

”I don’t know that it did, that’s why we’re going to have to try it out.”

“Well then, lets try.” Xander agreed. The two moved off down the street, Willow was chanting lightly trying to get a reading on her spell.

After several blocks of turns and meandering and still nothing she sighed, frustrated. “Well, that didn’t work.”

”It was a good try Will.” Xander assured her. “Now I’m just wondering where we’ve wandered off to.”

Willow noticed their surroundings for the first time. They were in what appeared to be a back alley with no other exit than the way they had entered through.

“I’m not sure, but its probably a good idea to go back to where we can find more people.”

“Why would you want to do that?” A heavily accented voice asked from behind them.

They turned to see a gang of about ten young men blocking the exit. “Look we don’t want any trouble…” Xander began, surreptitiously reaching for the knife he kept hidden in his coat.

“We don’t want any trouble either, friend. We just want your money.” The man said.

“If you leave now, we won’t hurt you.” Willow told them and Xander could hear the power in her voice. He knew she was getting ready to protect them as well.

Before anyone could react, Buffy dropped down from above and landed before the men. They looked at her in surprise, but she didn’t give them a chance to do anything more than that. She spun quickly and kicked one of them back down the alley in the direction they came from. Two of them pulled knives and ran at her, but she dodged them easily, grabbed their forearms and swung them together with a loud smack.

Willow, afraid the fight was going to turn deadly for the gang, chanted a spell that set off bright firework type lights throughout the alley. The rest of the men ran away frightened before Buffy could get a hold of them.

Once they had run off Buffy turned to Willow and Xander. “Wandering down dark alleys, at night, in Katmandu is not usually recommended.” She commented, then turned and started walking out of the alley.

Willow and Xander hurried to catch up to her. “Wait, Buffy!!” Willow cried. Buffy stopped and turned towards them.

“Yes?”

They stopped quickly when she turned around and then looked at each other unsure of what to say now that they were face to face with her alone.

“So, um, how’ve you been?” Willow asked weakly. “I see you cut your hair. It’s a different look for you. Not that it’s a bad look, just different.”

Buffy tilted her head and looked at her in a way that reminded Xander way too much of Illyria.

“You both are out here tonight looking for me, aren’t you?” She asked them.

“We missed you, Buffster. We wanted to talk to you. See how you are, where you’ve been, what’s new with you.” Xander told her sincerely.

“I’m fine, I’ve been traveling with the Rogues and I’m not insane anymore.” Buffy answered his questions one at a time.

“Ok.” Xander said.

“We read, or we heard, um, that you and Shadow were together.” Willow commented, hoping that talking about something personal may draw her friend out.

Buffy shook her head. “Look, I know you just want to reconnect with your friend, but I’m not that person anymore. I’m not together with Shadow, we do have sex occasionally, but that isn’t any of your concern. I’m only here for this mission; I’m not here for you or Giles, or Dawn, or Angel. That isn’t my life anymore.”

Xander and Willow just looked at her sadly.

“So what you are saying is you don’t care about us at all?” Xander asked her bitterly.

“Don’t take it personally. I don’t care about anyone.” Buffy started looking around the alley. “You should get back to the house. Even with your skills, this is a dangerous place to go wandering when you don’t know your way around.”

Realizing they weren’t going to get anymore conversation out of their old friend Xander and Willow left her standing there and headed back to the house.

Buffy waited until she heard them leave the alley then looked around again. “You might as well come out Spike, I know you’re there.” She called out into the darkness.

There was a blur of black, and then Spike stepped out from the back corner of the alley. “Hello, Buffy.”

Chapter VIII Just Like Old Times


Author’s Note: Thank you for all the reviews and e-mails. I’m hoping that

As soon as Raven and Spike got to their room he sat down in one of the plush chairs with a loud sigh and put his head in his hands.

“Spike?” She asked quietly.

He raised his head and looked at her. “I know I’ve hurt you by shutting you out, but I was afraid I’d hurt you more by talking about it. Now I know we have to talk.” He whispered.

Raven felt her heart clench. She wondered if he had already decided to leave her for Buffy. She wanted to tell him that talking things out and having things out in the open could never hurt as much as his silence, but given the circumstances here that wasn’t necessarily true. She turned away so he wouldn’t see the tears that began to form in her eyes.

“I’ve been dreaming of her.” His voice was still quiet and thick with pain. “Buffy.” He added as is it needed clarification. “They haven’t been pleasant dreams so don’t think that.” He quickly assured her. “She’s somewhere in this dark, cold place and she’s hanging from a wall,” He swallowed thickly. “And she’s crying and she keeps apologizing to me and begging me to stop hurting her. Its been happening ever since I asked you to be my mate.” He finished quickly.

Raven looked at him sharply. “Were you having second thoughts?” She asked him. “Or do you think she was reaching out to you in some way?”

“I thought it was just the past trying to hold onto me, I’ve never had much luck in the love department. I thought I was just trying to sabotage us in some subconscious way.” He sat a moment and seemed to consider. “Bloody hell. I don’t know what to think.” He threw his arms up and stood up. As was his habit when he got frustrated and didn’t have things to beat up he began pacing frantically.

“I mean if it is really Buffy reaching out for help in some way, why now? Why not three years ago? Why didn’t she come and find me after she left the Watcher’s then?” His voice rose with his frustration.

Raven watched him make a couple of laps across their sitting room before she spoke. “You want to go out and find her.”

“I need to know.” He stopped his pacing, but wouldn’t look at her.

“Need to know what? If she’s calling for your? Because that woman downstairs wanted nothing to do with any of you!! I didn’t need superhuman senses to see that. She didn’t
Even acknowledge her sister.” Spike knew that because of her culture and the fact she lost her family at a young age that she viewed family as one of the most treasured things. “Or is that you need to know if she still loves you?”

Spike let out a short bitter laugh that hurt her more than his denial would have. In that laugh she could hear the pain he still felt over Buffy’s rejection of him. “Buffy never loved me. There was a time when she thought she needed me, but she never loved me.”

“Her friends seem to think…” Raven asserted.

“Her friends are wrong.” Spike insisted coldly.

“What do you want me to say?” Raven felt Her voice began to get louder. “Do you want my blessing to leave and go off into the night to chase down the unrequited love of your life? What if she was calling for you? What then? Then you leave me for someone who by your own admission never loved you, just because she ‘needs’ you again?” She was yelling at him now.

“NO!! God no.” Spike went to grab her and calm her down, but she jerked out of his grasp. She knew there was no way he could guarantee that, and judging by his reactions to seeing her for the first time she knew that it was only a matter of time before she lost him.

“I HATE this!! I am not this person!! I am not petty, and jealous and insecure!! I believe that truly loving someone is to want their happiness above all else, yet ever since I convinced you to do this I have turned into this person who I hate. I want to cling onto you all the time to make sure you don’t forget what we have together, yet I know that would only make things worse. So I try to give you space. I didn’t say anything when sold the club to find her. I didn’t say anything when you stopped talking to me and including me in your plans. I’ve tried to be supportive and not pressure you when all I really want to do is beat the shit out of you for being such an asshole and putting me through this.”

She picked up a statue on one of the tables and threw it at him. Spike dodged the statue and quickly pulled her into his arms as she sobbed helplessly against him, whispering, “I’m so sorry.” over and over again.

Raven pulled back from him sniffling when her sobbing subsided. “Go on. Go find her, talk to her. Figure out your answers. We don’t have time for this bullshit,” She told him as she wiped the tears off her face with determination. “We have to save the world.”

Spike couldn’t help but laugh. “I do love you.” He told her earnestly, before kissing her lightly.

“You should remember that.” She told him.

Spike walked to the window located across the room and started climbing out onto the roof.

“They have doors, you know.” She told him wryly.

“Red and Harris already know where she went, I think. I’ll be able to track all three of them quicker if I take rooftops.” With that he was gone.

Raven stood in the middle of the room for a long time, feeling much like the silk sheers that hung over the window, flapping in the cool night air.



Out in the city Spike crept along the rooftops extending his senses for any sign of Buffy, Willow or Xander. With the heavy incense from the temples and the opium and hash coming out of the cafés below it was hard to discern the scents of any of the ones he was looking for. After several minutes he headed off in the direction Willow and Xander had headed in, thinking he could smell a faint trace of the lilac perfume Willow had on earlier.

He found them cornered down a back alley, but made no move to help them knowing that Willow was more than capable of handling the situation.

Plus he suddenly had the tingling in his spine accompanied by the warm feeling in his chest meant that Buffy was in the vicinity. He watched as she dropped down in front of the would-be robbers and began to attack.

While Willow and Xander were appalled by the ruthlessness she used to deal the men, Spike as well as his demon were thrilled at getting to watch her in action once again. He was amazed at the way her skills had developed over the years; she was much faster than she had been and she seemed to be much stronger as well. He also noticed that her movements weren’t as fluid as they once were and she didn’t have the joy she once did when she engaged the enemy.

When she was younger, even when she was trying to deny her nature, he could tell just by watching her fight that she loved it. The way she moved and the way she would offer up the quips as she fought he knew she enjoyed the violence almost as much as the creatures she was created to destroy. Now it was as if she had bridled that in some way. He wondered if it came from denying the emotions inside of her.

Spike watched Willow set off her light show and he knew she was afraid that the Slayer would take things too far with the humans below. Spike was afraid of that himself, she was fighting them the same way she would fight a demon or vampire.

He paid close attention to the awkward conversation that followed with her friends and noticed immediately when her eyes started to scan the alleyway looking for something. When she looked directly at the rooftop he was crouched on he knew she was aware he was there, but he waited until she told the others to head back before he dropped down, and he didn’t step out of the shadows until she called to him.

“Hello, Buffy.”

She stared at him for a few moments and he searched her eyes for any sign that the woman he fell in love existed somewhere inside her. He was disappointed to see nothing in her eyes, but careful consideration along with an annoyance.

“Willow and Xander chasing me down to be my friend and you lurking in the shadows making moon eyes.” She walked over to the wall and leaned against it. “Just like old times.”

“Not exactly, luv. You seem to be a bit different.” Spike responded, as he got closer to her he noticed that while she still felt the same to him there was something new to that feeling. It was confusing him because it seemed familiar, but at the same time he didn’t recognize it as having to do with Buffy.

“What do you want, Spike?”

Unable to stop himself he stepped closer to her. The sweet smell of the flowery shampoos and soaps was gone; in its place was a clean, medicinal smell indicating the change in her appearance didn’t just stop with the hair and clothing. Not even the abrasive smell of her cleaning products, could hide the smell of her sweat and the sweet smell of her arousal, probably due from the fight, that he knew so well. He could also very faintly still pick up the smell of vanilla, as if it permeated her skin at some point or was just naturally a part of her.

All thoughts of Raven and his life for the past seven years flew right out of his head and he was only aware of the woman before him. His Slayer. He cursed himself for ever staying away from her and wished more than anything that he had been there for her when she needed him so he could have kept her safe from Drusilla.

“Did you track me down to stare at me all night?” The annoyance in her eyes carried over into her voice.

“I wanted to know….” He said moving closer, not even realizing he was doing so, the urge to touch her, hold her tight and never let her go was overwhelming him. Inside him his demon was also reacting to her presence distracting him. “I wanted to know if you were all right.”

She looked deep into his eyes. “I don’t seem all right?”

“You don’t seem like, Buffy.” Even though she smelled like Buffy and felt like Buffy he could tell she just wasn’t herself. It was like she wasn’t whole.

She smiled slightly at him, but her smile was too calculating to be considered warm. “So its not whether or not I’m ok, its whether or not I fit your image of Buffy?” She nodded as if he just confirmed something she already knew. “Maybe you don’t seem like Spike, the Slayer of Slayers, all domesticated and business owner-like. However, I know it’s none of my business and I don’t really care who you are now, just like it’s none of your business who I am.”

”Really?”

“Yes.”

”And you are happy like this?”
“Happiness isn’t a factor.”

“Happiness isn’t a factor and you don’t care about anyone? Seems quite sad to me.”

“Does it?” Again there was the slight smile. “You know what I think is sad? Someone who CHOSE to keep me out of his life for 8 years suddenly showing up with a guilty conscience wanting to know if I’m still the same person.”

“I was trying to make sure you could have the normal life you always wanted so bad!!” Suddenly it hit him what the additional feeling was that he was getting from her. It was the same feeling he got when Angel was near, his demon recognized her as family and since it seemed the demon already considered her his, it was crawling inside of him to be let out.

Buffy stepped away from the wall and pushed up against him. He felt his body react to her close proximity and he knew she had to feel it as well. He felt like he couldn’t catch his breath, before remembering he didn’t need to breathe. He looked into her eyes and found himself surprised to see how cold they were. She ran her hand up over his chest and he almost purred at the contact. Confusion was racing though his brain as he tried to separate the lust from the rational part of his brain so he could concentrate on her words. “That’s not why you stayed away.” She told him softly. “You were afraid. I finally told you I loved you and you got scared.”

With the feeling of her soft warm body pressed against his, fitting into him like she was made for him it took a moment for her words to register in his mind.

“Then while you lived the normal life,” Her voice was still soft and sweet while she her hands rubbed over the muscles on his chest. “Owned a business, got a girlfriend, I was chained to a wall raped, beaten and turned by your demented ex-girlfriend all because you once professed to love me.” Her voice turned hard by the end and her words pierced his mind in sharp contrast to the soft caresses. He tried to pull away from her and was surprised to find her grip on him was as strong as steel.

The feeling that screamed ‘family’ inside him got much stronger as she changed into game face. “This is the normal life I have.” She told him through her fangs. He could feel the demon inside her raging and he knew it was also responding to his close proximity. He could feel the tight control she was keeping over it to make sure it couldn’t overpower her. “I don’t get to die, I don’t get to grow old, I have to drink blood now and I have to constantly have control over two warring supernatural entities inside of me or they will rip me apart.”

She pushed him back suddenly and he stumbled and almost fell. “And you think it’s sad because I don’t look for happiness. Rainbows and unicorns are for people who get happy endings or Harmony. I have enough to deal with without emotions complicating things.” She tried to put her demon face away, but he could see it was a struggle to get it under control. Her eyes flickered between gold and hazel before they settled on hazel. She turned and walked away from him obviously thinking the conversation was at an end.

Spike, was having none of it. Especially not when she showed him a weakness he could use to get to her. He let his demon go and let out a large growl as he darted after her and spun her around.

“What happened to you?” He grabbed her arm and spun her around. Angry at being man handled and probably suspecting what he was trying to do, Buffy let a fist fly directly into his face.

“You mean other than what Drusilla did to me?” She snapped irritated. She managed to avoid the punch he threw back at her. “Domestic life has mad you slow.” She commented, then grunted when he landed a punch to her ribs.

”What Dru put you through would have been horrible, but it wouldn’t be enough to send you running that deep into yourself. You’re a vampire now; your demon could have helped you through the pain. What is it you’re really hiding from?”

Spike dodged one of her heavy boots aimed for his face, then tried to follow through with her to land a kick to her back. She seemed to anticipate this, however, and twisted around so she was facing him instead. She grabbed his foot and threw him onto his back.

“I’m not hiding from anything. I just finally learned that emotions were distracting and of no use, the same thing I learned about depending on people.” Spike rolled quickly to avoid the kick she was aiming at his privates.

“Is that why you couldn’t even acknowledge your sister when she tried to talk to you?” He demanded as he stood up.

Blank confusion crossed her face. “You mean Dawn?”

“Yes, Dawn!!” He yelled. He used her distraction to sweep her legs out from under her. “You have another sister?”

“It didn’t occur to me and she’s not really my sister.” Spike’s jaw dropped at the casual way she said that as she leaped back to her feet and she took advantage of his dismay and punched him in the face again. He recoiled, but quickly recovered to grab her shoulder and yank her close to him. “What do you mean she’s not your sister?” He barked at her.

Buffy brought her hands up and broke his grasp, grabbing onto his shoulders. “She’s a ball of energy some monks made me think was my sister, remember?” She threw him across the alleyway and he slammed into the stone wall.

As he lay there looking up, Spike was filled with rage, not only because of her denial of her sister, but also because he could the truth of her words in her eyes. He realized in that moment that the woman he loved was truly gone. She had squashed her emotions and her sense of self until she was nothing more than an empty shell that housed two demons. He felt hatred and disgust boiling inside of him, furious with her for giving up like that.

He launched himself back at her and the two began to fight in earnest. There were no more words spoken between them, both of them were concentrating wholly on the fight. Unfortunately for him, Spike had been right in his earlier assessment of her capabilities. She was much faster and stronger and while her loss of inane grace was sad, it really wouldn’t affect the outcome of this fight too much. Sparring with Raven a few times a week over the past few years didn’t put Spike in the top physical shape he had been in and against Buffy he didn’t have a prayer.

That was fine; he had one more card up his sleeve.

He let her take him down and did nothing when she straddled his waist obviously thinking she had won. As it always did when engaged in a good fight, especially with his Slayer, his body reacted and he knew she could feel his erection as she pinned him down.

“You better get a whole lot better fast, or maybe we should take Xander instead of you on the air drop.” She taunted him.

Spike let out a growl and she froze. He saw her eyes flicker for a moment so he growled again and she changed into her demon. It was something elder vampires did to the younger ones to keep them in line and remind them of the hierarchy. He knew that with the fight and the close proximity of family for the first time in years her control over the demon had been tenuous at best and it only took a little push to bring it out to the surface.

He studied the young vampire before him. She was quite possibly the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. The ridges couldn’t hide her delicate features, which were made all the more alluring by the sharp fangs protruding from her gums.

He pushed himself into a sitting position so she was now straddling his lap, her face inches away from his. Spike knew he probably didn’t have long before she re-established control over her demon and Spike wanted to make an impression on her before that could happen.

He ran his hand gently over her face, he heard her breath in deeply and he knew she was enjoying the gentle caress. From experience he knew how important family connections were to young vampires. They craved that connection from their sire more than they craved blood. It helped teach them, calm them, gave them a sense of security and made them feel loved. The most important way they achieved that connection was to share blood. Everything he had been told about her ordeal he was certain she had never been able to enjoy this connection.

Also, for him to bite her it would establish his dominance over her, which meant he would have some control over her demon when she let it out. He was hoping that if he could get her demon to trust him then she might open up a little bit more and learn to feel again as a human.

As Spike leaned into her neck her scent consumed him, he could smell her arousal more strongly now and he could also smell the vanilla scent of her skin better through the soap products. He felt her start to shake when he opened his mouth and breathed lightly against her neck. He could sense that her demon was impatient. It wanted to move, speak or urge him on in some other way, but it instinctively knew that wasn’t allowed.

He ran his fangs lightly up and down her jugular; teasing her, as he watched it pump the blood quickly through her body, she was whimpering slightly now in anticipation of what was to come. She was trying to move closer to him without making it obvious she was moving. Finally, he gently laid his fangs against her and lightly broke her skin causing her to gasp in pleasure. He listened to her heart beating quickly inside her as he slowly began drawing out her blood.

As soon as the rich liquid hit his tongue he almost swooned with pleasure. He had tasted Slayer blood before, and he was well aware of the power of it, but this was Buffy’s blood. She tasted as wonderful as she smelled, like sunlight and vanilla along with the feeling of concentrated power.

Connected to her like this he could feel her demons emotions clearly; the rage and loneliness it felt bombarded him and made him draw her tighter into his embrace trying to chase away all the dark feelings from before. She clung tightly to him just as unwilling to let him go. He could also feel her demon’s confusion, it was mistrustful of any other vampires, probably due to its past experiences and the fact that it wasn’t a true vampire yet it also felt some kind of emotional link towards him. Possibly a remnant of feeling left over from Buffy’s feelings. Even while he savored her blood and the demon’s feelings for him, he was disappointed to find nothing resembling human emotions inside of her. He could feel the person she had become struggling in the background to reestablish control over herself and he could also feel the powerful force of the Slayer waiting at the edges to be released, but there was no sign of the person her once knew inside of her.

She was gasping and moaning now lost in the pulling feeling on her neck that she felt all the way down to her groin. She had let go of her mistrust and rage and relaxed enough to just enjoy the feelings he was pulling out of her, feelings her demon had never experienced before. He pulled back just before she lost herself and actually had an orgasm, not wanting her to relax too much and give her rational side an opening.

His heart melted when he looked into her eyes and he saw the gratitude, lust and pleading for him to continue in her amber eyes. Even though his Buffy was gone, he was aware that he had already lost himself to her all over again.

He ran a hand through her short dark hair and down towards the back of her neck while looking tenderly into her eyes. He felt her stiffen slightly when he pulled her forward gently towards his own neck. He sensed her demons surprise at this gesture, as it knew instinctively this was not commonly done, a master wouldn’t offer his blood to a younger vamp unless it was their sire or they were mated. It was also still confused by his gentle treatment, even though now it wanted to. Unsure whether or not this was a trick and not knowing whether or not she could trust him Buffy struck hard and fast at his neck as if she were afraid he would change his mind. Her teeth were clamped on his neck and she drinking forcefully from him causing him some pain, but it wasn’t much and the pleasure he felt just having her there far outweighed the pain. Instead of punishing her for her eagerness and impertinence, as he should have, he petted her short locks while making soothing purring noises to calm and reassure her. He hissed in pleasure when he felt her relax her grip on his neck with her teeth and slowly started licking and suckling on him instead. He tried to focus his feelings of love and admiration for her to the front of his mind he wanted her to feel how much he cared for her, hoping it may color her view of him once her rational side regained its control.

At that moment he wanted nothing more than to let go of the humanity inside of him and let his demon have full control. He wanted to take her right there in that alley make her remember what it was like between them, he wanted to mark her and make her his officially and then he wanted to take her away; he didn’t care where, someplace where they could hunt and feed and live together where nothing could separate them again.

That was just a stupid daydream; their reality would be nothing like that especially when she regained control over herself.

He knew he was going to have to order her to stop drinking soon and after that he would have to deal with consequences of his actions. He wondered how Buffy would deal with losing control over herself like this. It seemed that control was something very important to her now.

Buffy seemed to know instinctively that it was time for her to stop and her drinking slowed until she was just licking the puncture wounds closed. She pulled back to look at him, he saw the rage and loneliness in her eyes and in its place was the deep confusion. She didn’t understand why he would do this for her, her demon had only known the pain and torture from Drusilla and the other vampires, and then the constant leash that Buffy kept it on. It was actually a miracle her demon hadn’t become as twisted as Angelus under the influence of the soul.

He leaned forward and licked the blood from the corner of her mouth while staring deep into her amber eyes. “You may have killed every ounce of humanity inside of to rid yourself of all your emotions, but even now you still have them inside you. Possibly even stronger than before. You should know better than anyone how well demons can love.” He kissed her lightly. “I still love you, Buffy. There is nothing you could ever do to yourself that would make me stop.” Even as he said the words he knew they were true, she was his soul mate. Years ago he told her love wasn’t brains and somehow he had forgotten that. He had chosen Raven to be his mate like it was a conscious decision to be made instead of the magnetic pull he felt when he was with this woman that made him want to forsake everything he had and everything he was for her.

He saw the emotions swimming deep in her eyes before they flickered and he prepared himself for her anger.

He wasn’t prepared for the smoky white color her eyes turned or the tingling in his spine that grew stronger than he ever felt before. Spike felt alarm when he realized he was face to face with the essence of the Slayer. A very pissed off Slayer.

This was no younger demon like the vampire within her. This demon was as old as time and he couldn’t hope to assert control over it.

She grabbed him by the throat and hauled him up as she stood up a stake pressed against his chest. She still had the ability to pull a stake from nowhere he thought to himself with grim amusement.

It was then he realized he was going to die. He could see it in her eyes. He had pushed her too far counting on some lingering feeling lying dormant inside her, that apparently wasn’t there, to help him and now he was going to die for that miscalculation.

He stared directly into her eyes unwilling to look away when she cast the killing blow and thought that it was so appropriate that the Slayer of Slayers was now going to die by the hand of the Slayer he fell in love with.

“That’s enough!!” A British voice yelled across the alley. “Buffy get yourself under control.”

Shadow was suddenly next to Spike trying to get Buffy’s attention. “You can control it, it doesn’t control you remember that.” He told her. Spike felt a tremor run through her then the tingling within his spine lessened as Buffy’s eyes turned back to their normal hazel color. Her grip on the stake didn’t loosen however and looking into those cold eyes Spike knew there was still a good chance he was going to end up dust.

“He called my demon out and I almost couldn’t get it back under control.” She informed Shadow flatly.

“I’m sure he didn’t realize what he was doing and now that he understands I’m sure he won’t do it again. Isn’t that right, Spike?”

“Wouldn’t dream of making you lose control again sweetheart.” Spike told her, but his tone of voice clearly said that he didn’t mean it.

Buffy eyes grew colder still and she threw him away from her before she turned to face Shadow stiffly. “I told you it was a bad idea to take this mission.”

“You should head back and get some rest. We leave tomorrow night.”

Without a backwards glance at Spike she turned and left the alley.

Shadow waited until she was far enough away she couldn’t hear them before he turned to Spike. “Do you understand how much concentration it takes for her to keep those demons under control? You cannot incite them like that.”

“Maybe it would be more beneficial if she learned to integrate them so she wouldn’t have to control them.” Spike snapped back at him. “Hey! Maybe then she could actually allow herself the luxury of feelings again.” He finished sarcastically.

“The emotional part of her is completely insane. She would have no chance to control herself much less her demons.”

“So instead of trying to help her you let her stay the way she is? A perfect fighting and killing machine?” Spike questioned him.

“You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.” Shadow reminded him.

“And doesn’t it work out nicely for you. You get to make money off of her and you get to fuck her as well.” Spike growled.

“Why I do believe you’re jealous.” Shadow grinned widely. “Whatever would that sweet Hogosha say?”

Spike made to move against him, but Shadow melted away as always, appearing farther down the alley. “I don’t really think you are in the best shape to be picking any more fights tonight, do you?” Before he left Shadow gave this final parting comment. “I was able to save you from her this time, I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to do it again if you insist on pushing her.” Then he too left, leaving Spike alone in the alley.

Grief and pain that had been building inside of him since he first learned of Buffy’s fate came boiling over. Her death he could have handled, but this, the destruction of her personality while she continued on, tore him apart. And he knew if it weren’t for his fears he could have been there to stop it.

He turned and began tearing into the wall, beating it with his fists until they were raw and bloody, but still he didn’t stop until exhausted he slumped to the ground, his body shaking with harsh sobs.

www.kyrasdreaming.com

Chapter IX: Fear is the Most Elegant Weapon

By the time Spike made it back to the house, the night was fading into early morning; it would only be a few more hours until sunrise. He stood before the front door to the house and took a deep breath. The cool night air felt cleansing deep in his lungs. He looked down at his bloody hands and couldn’t help the smirk that came to his face.

Tonight had been as much of a rebirth for him as crawling out of his coffin had been. He had let go off all the pain he had been holding deep inside himself and it left him with a feeling of resolve. With the newfound clarity he also remembered who and what he was. He wasn’t some businessman, nor was he someone who settled when it came to love. He was William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, fourth descendent from the Master himself.

Now that Spike was back in control of himself he planned on taking back what belonged to him. No longer was he the Slayer’s whipping boy, or the lovesick fool stalking her through the shadows. He knew now that Buffy was meant to be his. For her demon to recognize him the way it did, he knew that he had been right all along, she did love him. Even if the woman he knew no longer existed, she was still his Buffy on some level, and he planned on taking back what belonged to him.

At first Spike had blamed the soul for changing him and making him forget the rules he used to live by, but then he realized that it hadn’t been just the soul. He had slowly begun to doubt himself ever since Drusilla had left him. Then having a chip put in his brain and falling for the Slayer hadn’t been real affirming for his self-esteem. By the time he had been resurrected at Wolfram and Hart he was no longer the man he had been, he was more like a watered down version of Angel. He had even come to believe, as Angel did, that to really love Buffy he should stay away from her. He ignored his own nature and the nature of his demon, living like a human, letting his fears guide him.

Although even when he had been human, William, the insufferably weak ponce that he was, before he was turned, had not let fear run his life, especially not where love was concerned. William had always believed that love would be the power that overcame everything, even the deepest and worst fears.


First though, he needed to talk to Raven, it was only fair to her. As much as he didn’t want to hurt her, she needed to know that he had come to accept that the only woman for him was Buffy. He did have genuine feelings for Raven, but they were stale and diluted compared to the emotionally inspiring passion he felt for Buffy.

He cracked his neck preparing himself for the worst when he faced Raven, then he entered the house and walked quickly upstairs to their room. When he got there he found himself face to face with three stone-faced Hogoshas and his bags packed, lying near the door.

“Raven…”

”Save it. I saw her when she came back to the house. I saw the marks on her neck.” She glared at him. “What a coincidence they match the ones on your neck.”

Spike sighed. There was no arguing with her; Raven knew vampire lore better than most vampires. It was part of the training she underwent as a child. She knew that it was virtually unheard of for a Master Vampire to mark a younger vamp, even if they were family. Angel had done it to Spike when he was first turned, but it was only to establish dominance and teach him, since Drusilla was incapable.

He knew he could try to convince Raven that he was doing just that, enforcing the family connection in an attempt to gain control over the volatile Slayer, but he couldn’t lie to her anymore.

”If it makes you feel better I almost got staked for it.” He told her.

Raven raised an eyebrow at him, a gesture she had gotten from him. “Her boyfriend?” She asked coldly.

He gave her a small smile. “No, actually it was Buffy.”

Raven let out a bitter bark of laughter, it sounded strange coming from the normally cheery woman. “Nice girl you chose there.” She said.

It was Spike’s turn to let out a bitter laugh. “It wasn’t about a choice.” He bent and picked up his things. “It was…” But he couldn’t continue. How could he explain that Buffy was as much a part of him as his demon? There was no choice to be made or if there were it had been made a long time ago and not necessarily for him. The Slayer was his mate, his other half. He’d have a better chance of asking it to rain up instead of down than to deny his love for her.

But he couldn’t tell Raven that. It was bad enough she suspected he never really loved her as he thought he had, but to give her that confirmation would just hurt her too much. So instead he said. “You don’t have to stay, you know. I told you before this isn’t your fight.”

Raven visibly stiffened and her eyes opened wide. “You think I would abandon my duty because of this?” She asked incredibly.

Spike cursed himself internally for putting his foot in his mouth so wonderfully.

For all her wild clothes and progressive ideas, Raven had still been born and raised in a very conservative part of Japan and many of their ideals were ingrained in her. He had basically just questioned her honor.

“Bloody Hell!!! I didn’t mean…”

Raven just held up her hand to stop him. “Just take your things and go.” She told him formally, and then turned and walked into the bedroom, one of the other girls followed her leaving Spike alone with the other.

He could tell she was a Slayer by the tingling that remained with him. She was slightly taller than Raven and her face was more round. She was also built more heavily than Raven, but Spike had no doubt that it was all solid muscle.

She looked at him venomously. Spike met her eyes levelly, refusing to back down from her stare. “I never meant to hurt her.” He told her sincerely.

The girl shook her head and looked at him disgustedly. “That is the problem with lying to yourself, it is usually other people who hurt because of it.”

Spike let her words sink in. “Right.” He nodded, knowing full well how right she was, he thought her eyes softened a bit with his admission, but he couldn’t be sure.

He turned to walk out of the room when her voice stopped him. “And my name is Myoko, if I here you call me anything other than that I will rip your head from your body.”

“Got it, M.” Spike said before darting out the door, he knew it probably wasn’t a good idea to bait an already pissed off Slayer, but he just couldn’t help himself.

Spike looked down the hallway wondering where Giles’ room was located. He needed to talk with the Watcher because now that he wasn’t bogged down with all of the emotional baggage he had been able to puzzle out some of the things that had been troubling him about this situation. He had known something felt rotten, and he was sure it was more than just Riley’s attempts to kill him, but his preoccupation with Buffy had kept him from figuring out what it was exactly.

He was just about to start sniffing out the Watcher when the screaming began to sound up the stairs.

As Spike raced for the stairway he could hear doors opening behind him as the others came out to see what was going on. He noticed a flickering light speed by that had to be Pixie. As he bounded to the bottom of the stairs, Helena appeared at the top, she gracefully leapt over the railing and landed on the floor beneath, directly in front of him.

He followed her towards the training room in the back of the house, as he did he heard Xander shout, “Will!!” behind him and realized it was indeed Red’s voice. He raced along faster.

He entered the training room on Helena’s footsteps and saw Willow immediately. She was writhing on the floor crying and yelling. Buffy stood a few feet away simply staring down at her impassively. Spike froze at the sight of Buffy as the others rushed past him to see to Willow.

Xander slid to the ground and scooped her up in his arms, at the contact her yelling subsided slightly into loud sobbing. “What the hell did you do to her?” He demanded of Buffy over Willow’s crying.

“She was warned.” Buffy growled at him.

Shadow appeared out of the floor, next to Buffy, just as Giles and Dawn arrived. Dawn immediately went to Willow’s side, while Giles looked to Spike to see what was going on. At his blank look Giles approached Shadow and Buffy.

Angel stood next to Spike as they all but faced off with Pixie and Helena across the room. Raven, Myoko and Mimoko stood in the doorway and Illyria stood off to the side. She could read the emotions in the room as clearly as the others could see. The tension was thick and she prepared herself for the violence that would occur.

“What is the meaning of this?” Giles demanded. Shadow looked at him completely unperturbed by the rage he saw in the other man’s eyes.

“I’d like that to know that myself.” He directed the comment to Buffy.

“She was trying to use magicks to get inside my head, you told me she had been warned.” Buffy finished with a shrug. She walked over and picked a towel up from off of the ground appearing to put the entire situation from her mind that easily.

Giles almost turned purple at her attitude, but before he could say anything Shadow spoke. “I thought I told you to get some rest.” His voice was dangerously quiet

Buffy turned back to look at him. “I was too keyed up to sleep and since you weren’t around I decided to get some training in.”

Shadow walked over to her and began whispering quietly, but the vampires could still make out what was being said. “Go to the room and let me handle this.”

”Fine, but she was trying to break down my mind, she wanted to incapacitate me. Why else would she have done what she did without asking?” Buffy countered.

“I’ll deal with them, you just go up to the room.”

“Remind me why we had to take this job again?” Buffy asked him coolly, Shadow just gave her a look that obviously spoke volumes because Buffy gathered the rest of her things and walked to the doorway.

She came face to face with Raven standing directly in the middle of the doorway. She gave the slightly smaller girl a small mocking smile. “Excuse me.” She said, her tone just as mocking.

For a few seconds Raven didn’t move and Spike was worried she was going to attack, everyone in the room seemed to ready themselves for the battle that was about to occur. Just when he was certain there was going to be bloodshed, Raven’s eyes flared once and then she stepped aside to let Buffy pass. Spike let out a silent sigh of relief, he knew that if he was no match for Buffy now then there was no hope Raven would last a minute with the other woman, even if the other two girls jumped in to help out

Willow’s crying had gotten much quieter now, but she was still sobbing uncontrollably. Giles turned to Shadow. “This situation is intolerable. We do not wound innocent men, we do not blackmail the government and we do not hurt our own team members. We are supposed to be on the same side!! And don’t give me that bollocks about ‘that is why we hired you.’ You would do well to remember that we did indeed hire you and we can just as easily fire you!!”

“Really, all your talk of fair play and yet your witch was trying to get into my Slayer’s mind to break down her walls and drive her crazy.” Shadow retaliated. Spike growled quietly at Shadow’s claim that Buffy belonged to him. She may be sleeping with him, but Spike was certain that she did not belong to him.

“What did Buffy do to her?” Giles demanded.

“That’s the funny thing, Buffy didn’t do anything. Your witch just ran into the security system Buffy has in place in her mind, so no one could enter without her permission. Its kind of like an electric fence, only this fence is made of bad memories pain, and fear.”

“Willow was only trying to help her.” Xander snapped from his spot on the floor.

“You all need to get it through your heads once and for all, Buffy does not want your help. She isn’t broken, she doesn’t need you to fix her.” Shadow snapped. “You want to lecture me on working together, than try to respect my team members wishes.”

“From now on we will leave her alone.” Giles informed him as he stepped closer to the other man. “But the next time a member of your team hurts someone on ours we will not hesitate to retaliate and we will hold you responsible.” He told Shadow menacingly.


“Really Ripper? And just how do you plan to do that?” He questioned Giles. Giles muttered a few words Spike couldn’t make out and went to grab him. Of course, Shadow melted down into the ground, but Giles’ hand seemed to follow him into the shadow. When he raised his arm he had Shadow’s neck securely in his grip. “Don’t underestimate me.” Spike and Angel could both hear the promise of violence in Giles voice.

Shadow grinned at him. “Well its about time one of you lived up to your reputation, Ripper.” Giles let go of him with disgust.

“Keep pushing and you’ll find out you aren’t the only ones who can be deadly.”

“Oh, I think we’ve come to an understanding, as long as you leave the Slayer alone we shouldn’t have anymore problems.”

“Fine.” Giles turned to look after Willow.

“All of you?” Shadow persisted; he looked directly at Spike as he said this.

Spike grinned at him and sauntered to the middle of the room to face him. “Do you want the truth or should I just lie to make you feel good?” He asked him cockily.

“Spike…” Giles warned from his spot on the floor.

“Whatever happens between the Slayer and me is between us.” Spike told Shadow.

“She will kill you.” Shadow pronounced.

“But what a way to go.” Spike’s smile grew bigger.

Shadow shook his head before disappearing down into the floor.

Giles stood up and grabbed Spike’s elbow. “Did you lose your soul? Or is it your mind you’ve lost?” He asked him.

Spike glared at him. “Neither, but we need to have a little chat about our new friends.” Giles turned to look at Willow still crying in Xander’s arms. Spike could read the concern on his face and knew what the Watcher was thinking. “Xander is calming her down, she won’t be able to tell us anything for quite a while by the looks of things and this is important.”

Giles nodded his agreement. “Yes, there have been some developments here, as well, that you should be aware of.”

“We’ll need Blue to make sure we aren’t overheard. You collect her, I’ll grab grandpa.”

“Right.” Giles turned and spoke softly to Xander and Dawn before he walked over to Illyria.

Spike walked over to Angel. “We need to have a conversation, Peaches.”

“Does it have anything to do with those marks on your neck or the fact that Buffy’s scent is all over you?” Angel asked dryly.

“Actually, no, you swishy wanker, it doesn’t.” Spike snapped back. Giles approached with Illyria.

“My room would be the most secure, I believe, it is the farthest from the other bedrooms.” He said quietly.

Spike shook his head. “No, we need to go outside the house.” He insisted.

“It would be wiser to discuss things outside of this house.” Illyria agreed. “They can hear everything here.”

Giles looked back a Willow concerned and again Spike knew what he was thinking. Was it safe to leave them here by themselves when they were currently defenseless? Spike’s gaze wandered to the doorway where Raven still stood with the other two girls and suddenly Spike knew how to kill two birds with one stone. He walked over to her.

“I need you to do something for me.” He told her quietly. She looked up at him in surprise. “I need you to keep an eye on things here. See what our new friends do to keep busy and make sure no one can get the drop on the others. I need to have a conversation with Blue, Angel and the Watcher.”

Raven’s look of surprise turned into one of reflection. She nodded her head at him agreeing to his request. Spike knew that even though she was still be upset over their breakup, she would feel much better now that he showed her how much he appreciated her skills and trusted her. Raven said something in Japanese to the other two girls and they immediately slipped out. This time Spike was certain he saw something besides disdain in Myoko’s eyes.

Spike nodded back at the others and they immediately followed him out of the training room to the front door. They had just opened the door when Dawn came hurrying behind them. Spike turned as she approached. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Spike asked her.

“With you.” Dawn informed him as she put on her jacket.

“Like hell, Nibblet. You need to stay here and help the Whelp take care of Red.” Spike turned away dismissing her.

Dawn reached out and grabbed his ear twisting it hard and yanking his head down towards her. “Listen up, WILLIAM.” She said loudly in said ear. “I am going with you whether you like it or not. There are some things you need to know.” She gave his ear a sharp twist. “And stop calling me Nibblet.” Then she let him go and headed out the door into the night, the others followed after her with Spike taking the rear complaining about the damn stubborn Summer’s women.


Back in the training room Xander sat on the floor with Willow in his arms talking softly to her. Raven left her position in the doorway and approached him once Dawn left.

“Maybe we should take her up to her room. She may calm more quickly laying down.”

Xander nodded his head at the petite Japanese girl, but didn’t stop his quiet words to Willow. He moved his arms underneath her, so it would be easier for him to carry her, and stood up. As he and Raven turned to leave, Helena spoke up.

”I have some herbs that may help her to rest.” Xander stopped walking and exchanged a look with Raven. Neither of them felt comfortable trusting the cat woman, not with everything they had heard about her and not with what they had seen so far.

“Thanks for the offer, but we can handle it from here.” Xander told her, just as Willow’s crying grew louder.

Raven put her hand on his arm indicating he should wait. “What kind of herbs do you recommend?” She asked Helena.

“Oh she can’t really help you.” Pixie laughed. “Whoever heard of a helpful kitty?” There was a bright flash of light and they could hear her laughing as she flitted out of the room.

“She’s kind of annoying.” Xander muttered.

“I would make a tea with Black Currant, Chamomile, Heather, Hawthorn, Lavender, Lemon balm, Motherwort, Marjoram, Passion flower, and St. John's Wort.” Helena told them. “That way not only will she get some sleep but it will also help relax her so she can better let go of the dark feelings still inside of her.”

Xander sighed. “I don’t really trust some herbal tea coming from a Jaguar demon who happens to also be a vicious killer.”

Helena stiffened visibly. “Fine. I’m sorry I offered.” She walked past them out of the room.

“The herbs she was talking about would help to calm the witch down.” Raven said to Xander. “I am also familiar with them so I would be able to watch and make sure that she doesn’t add any extra ingredients.”

Xander looked at Willow, who still hadn’t been able to talk or do anything but cry. “Its worth a shot, I guess. I’ll take Willow up to her room while you talk to Helena.”

Raven left to chase down, while Xander headed upstairs with Willow. Once he had her lying on the large bed he stroked her hair lightly. “Come on Will. Talk to me.” He whispered, but Willow just continued to cry.

Xander what it was exactly she saw inside of Buffy’s head that would have this kind of effect on her. How could someone who had once been his best friend do this? Did Buffy mean it when she said she no longer cared at all for them? How was that possible? How did you turn off all emotional attachments completely?

Xander also wondered about Shadow and the Rogues, he had a feeling they were about as trustworthy as Riley’s soldiers.

Then there was Riley. Granted Xander had never been close friends with the soldier, but he had considered him a friend. How could Riley have ordered his men to do those things and why would he do that? Didn’t he realize after all his experiences that playing games like that in the middle of an apocalypse wouldn’t help?

Briefly Xander wondered what his life would have been like if he hadn’t become friends with Buffy all those years ago. Would he have a normal life now? He would still have both of his eyes. But would he have become like his parents, locked in a loveless marriage and stuck with a child he couldn’t stand the sight of?

He let out a sigh. The truth was he wouldn’t trade his life the way it was for anything, but even still he had regrets. Anya being his main regret. He wished she were here with him now, he could use her matter of fact speech right about now. While Illyria reminded him of his ex-fiancée with her blunt speech and her tendency to take things too literally, she was far from the warm, happy girl he had once loved.

Sometimes he wondered if Anya was really dead. What happened to ex-vengeance demons turned human when they died? Did she move on and was she at peace or had she been resurrected as Spike had?

There was knock at the door and Helena and Raven walked in with a steaming mug that actually smelled pretty good.

They got Willow to sit up and drink down the hot concoction. It worked almost immediately, her crying slowed to sniffles and she fell into a restful sleep. Raven looked at him with compassion.

“You need to get some rest. You will be no good to her if you are exhausted when she wakes. Go get some sleep I will watch over her.”

Xander wanted to argue with her, but he knew she was right. He ran a hand through his hair.

“I guess you are right. Let me know if she wakes up.”

”I’ll come and get you right away.” Raven assured him.

Xander and Helena both left the room together.

“Thank you for your help.” Xander told the strange woman before him. He noticed how beautiful her eyes were, similar to that of a vampire, but only green instead of the bright gold color.

“My father was a healer and he was training me to follow in his footsteps. I would never offer help unless I meant it.” She told him.

Xander studied her for a moment. “You’ll have to forgive my distrust. This situation hasn’t exactly bred good feelings.”

Helena nodded, in understanding. “However, much of what is commonly known about me in Brazil in not exactly accurate. You should know this before you judge me.”

“There is still the matter of the soldiers you attacked earlier.” Xander responded.

“Would you prefer they were left to try and kill members of our party? I was under the impression this mission would be hard enough without having our team cut in half by treachery.”

”Your boss doesn’t think it will be so hard.” Xander countered.

Helena was silent for a moment. “I have worked for Shadow for several years now and he has never given me a reason to mistrust him.”

“And Buffy?” Xander asked, wondering if she could give him any insight into his old friend.

“The Slayer keeps to herself. She is not what you would consider a ‘friend’, although I do trust her with my life. She has been there in a pinch for me time and again. I wouldn’t have the answers you are looking for regarding her.”

Xander wandered if there were any answers that would help him understand the woman who was once his friend.


Meanwhile, downstairs in his office, Shadow sat on the phone. Jason was on the computer next to him, while Simon stood watch over the two soldiers they had in captivity.

“Major Finn, we have a problem.” He said into the phone.

“You are damn right we do!!” Riley answered him. “What is the meaning of attacking my soldiers? They were supposed to be there as backup!!”

”You know perfectly well we don’t need any back up. I assumed that giving us a common enemy to fight would make them more likely to trust us.”

”Then you underestimate them.” Riley told him. “Is that the problem you are experiencing?”

“One of them.”

“What’s the other problem?”

”William the Bloody has decided to fight for the attentions of my Slayer.”

”He doesn’t give up does he.” Riley said bitterly.

“I don’t have to tell you that all of our plans will be for nothing if he manages to reach her.”

”I thought you said that was impossible.”

”I thought it was, but he managed to get through to her demon earlier.”

”Do they have any idea yet that Buffy is the warrior of stone?”

”None what so ever.”

“Good.” Riley sighed. “We need to get rid of Spike as quickly as possible.”

”I have already thought of that, but I don’t think a disappearance or a murder would help our cause much.”

”No, I have a better idea.” Riley told him. “I couldn’t get the ground vehicles you requested, but there is someone in the city that has access to these types of machinery. The thing is he won’t just hand them over to you, someone will have to fight for them.”

”Fight for them?”

“His name is Henri and he runs the local demon fight club.”

“Ah, so I get Spike to fight for our vehicles and he accidentally dies in the process.”

“Don’t underestimate, Spike. He’s worse than a cockroach.”

“Give me the details on this fight club. Simon and I will take care of the rest.”

Spike took the others out into the now fading night and down the street. They moved silently along the quiet, narrow streets. The vampires, as well as Illyria, had all of their senses extended for anything that might be prowling around that would be dangerous for their human companions.

They crossed Kathmandu Dunbar Square where vendors where already beginning to gather and set up their goods for the day. The thin air was pungent with the smell of incense coming from the temples. Giles recognized the smell of hashish, as well. It reminded him of his youth, misspent with Ethan Rayne, often they had talked of the power that lay in Nepal. It was a deeply spiritual country, and while it was primary religion was Hinduism, there were many who practiced the black arts. Some even said the current King had cast a spell on his nephew, causing the twenty-nine year old crown prince, to shoot his entire family before turning the gun on himself. Giles didn't necessarily believe all that, but he knew that they were in a very dangerous part of the world. He paused to reflect briefly on the fact that he was trusting his life to two of the most vicious vampires in history and a demon older than time itself. He really was getting too old for all this.

Spike led them to a door set in the middle of a long stone wall. He knocked a few times and the a panel of the wood opened two reveal a large suspicious looking blood red eye.

"Tell your boss that Spike is here to see his establishment per his invitation." Spike spoke confidently. When there was no immediate activity behind the door, he leaned up close. "I'd get a move on if I were you mate. I know what your boss is like when he gets upset and making me have to wait will definitely upset him."

The wood slid back into place and they could hear something large shuffling off.

"Where exactly have you brought us?" Giles asked Spike, his irritation had everything to do with the unease he felt over this situation.

"Relax Watcher. This bloke used to be in my club once or twice a month. He always ran up a huge tab that we cleared up for him a time or two. He always said if I ever made it here I should look him up."

"What kind of guy is he?" Angel asked suspiciously. "I think we have enough people around us we can't trust right now, don't you?"

"Don't get your arse hairs in a knot, Peaches. I don't propose we trust this fella, I just thought we could get away from Shadow's eyes and ears."

"What if this guy works for him as well?" Giles persisted.

"I don't think its too likely. I think he's on the opposite side." Before Giles could ask Spike what he meant, the door opened and a large creature came out in flurry of colors.

"Spike!! What a surprise? Who are your friends? And where is your partner?" The creature was a head taller than Angel, his skin the color of blue chalk, long black hair flowed down his back almost to his knees contrasting with the bright colored silk clothing he wore. He resembled a human male in body shape, but no one could ever mistake him for a mere mortal. His face was so smooth and beautiful it seemed to be carved from marble, and the features were so refined they were almost feminine. There was also the matter of the two extra arms. When he spoke his voice was as smooth as his skin, and sounded almost musical. Dawn found herself captivated by him.

"Lorne is actually here with me in the city, but I think he's turned in for the night." Spike wondered though, only now realizing he hadn't seen the green skinned demon since the Rogues had arrived.

“Well, come in. What can I do for you? Would like some entertainment for you and your friends? Or maybe some companionship?” He asked as he led them across an ornate courtyard filled with religious statues and erotic carvings.

“We just need some place private we can sit and have a chat, enjoy a few drinks, mate. You always said your club offered those secluded little bungalows where your clients could meet and drink in private.”

“Of course. Please come with me.” They followed him to the back of the courtyard, and through a lush garden, where, in the middle, hidden by large sweet smelling trees, sat a large, octagonal building. “This is one of our nicest bungalows, we save it for important political leaders, or businessmen. I can guarantee you privacy.”

They stepped into the bungalow to find it lit brightly from ornate torches along the wall, their light reflecting off the walls made of a dark colored wood and polished to a brilliant sheen. In the center was a large table made from the same wood as the walls, surrounded by large plush cushions made from different shades of velvet. On top of the table sat a brass hookah, next to it was a tray with a pitcher and six blood red, crystal goblets.

Everyone seated themselves around the table on the cushions.

“Now what can I get you and your friends to drink? We have a very nice blood, taken from a virgin.” Giles eyes widened in shock.

“No thanks, I’ll just take a whiskey.” Spike said.

“I guess I’ll have the same.” Giles agreed. “I have a feeling I’ll need it.”

“I’ll take one too.” Angel requested.

“As you wish.”

”I’ll have a Coke.” Dawn said quietly.

”You are delightful, I must say.” Their host smiled, at Dawn causing her to blush profusely. “I would love to show you around Kathmandu while you are in the city.”

“I don’t think so, Henri.” Spike addressed him by name for the first time. “She belongs to me, and there is no way she is for sale.”

“Belongs to you!!!” Henri was surprised. “What does Raven have to say about this?”

Spike tightened his lips.

“OH!! I mean…,forgive me. I didn’t know, I meant know offense.” Henri stuttered, he made sure not to look in Dawn’s direction again. “Can I get you anything to drink?” He turned to Illyria.

“What is that smell?” She asked him pointing at the hookah.

“Why that is opium, some of the finest in the country. Would you like to try some? Please help yourself.”

“Yes. This is a drug humans use to alter their reality. I would like to see its effects on this shell”

”NO!!” Angel, Spike and Giles all said at the same time.

“Perhaps before we leave then.” Illyria amended her answer.

“I will leave you in private now.” Henri said with a smile.

They waited until he had left then Illyria stood up and walked around the bungalow they were in. She would stop every couple of feet, turn her head as if studying the wall in front of her before waving her hand and moving on. When she had made her way around the entire room she sat back down. “It is safe to speak now. We will be alerted if anyone approaches us.” She told them.

Spike began before anyone could ask him about his encounter with Buffy. “What did Whitebread have to say to Shadow?” He asked Giles.

“He was understandably upset. He told him that he would need time to get together the machinery he requested.”

“Do you really think he wanted to kill you?” Dawn asked.

Spike just raised one eyebrow at her. “He’s been itching to dust me since he figured out he wouldn’t be able to keep a handle on your sister.”

“But would he order Buffy killed too?” Angel wondered.

“Did he deny it?” Spike asked Giles.

“No he didn’t.”

“I thought he said he couldn’t give us any help because the American people were watching too closely.”

Again Giles answered. “He did tell us he couldn’t send us any aid, however, rumors have long circulated that there is a CIA base located here in Nepal. Supposedly they are training guerilla fighters.”

”Bloody Hell.” That was exactly the kind of thing he was worried about.

“What is it you’re thinking?” Giles asked him.

“I’m thinking we have the two biggest Evils on one side trying to kill us, while on the other side we have the American Government and in the middle we have the Rogues working for both of them. And not only that, they got us to pay them for the privilege of killing us.”

“I admit I don’t agree with their tactics, but surely…”

”I think Spike is right Giles.” Dawn interrupted him. “Well, I don’t know about working with the government, but I don’t think they’re on our side. That’s what I wanted to tell you. When that Jason guy was showing off his program I saw a document he already had translated. It looked to be from the same prophecy we are translating, but it wasn’t a part we have.”

“How could you tell?” Angel asked her.

“Well I recognized some of the symbols around the border, they are the same ones that are around the edges of the pages we have. Then when I got a closer look at the translation and I saw several references to the Warrior of Stone.”

“So they probably already know where it is.” Angel said thoughtfully.

“I think they already HAVE it.” Dawn said. “It would be such a great tactic. They get us to help them transport into Bhutan. They separate our strongest fighters and send you down into the tunnels to look for a vicious army, while the rest of the team basically is left unprotected. I mean how hard would it be to pick us all off like that.?

“Do you really think all three are working together, then?” Angel asked.

“I doubt it. Whatever faults he may have, Riley would not be a party to ending the world.”

“I don’t know Watcher, think about how well you could spread ‘peace and democracy’ if you had the backing of a ‘Thunder Dragon’.” Spike said. “I think it would be best if we assume that they are all working together.”

”Do you think Buffy is part of the plan to kill us?” Dawn asked in a small voice, her gaze was locked on Spike.

He sighed heavily. “I don’t know.” He told her.

“I think we’ll have to assume ‘yes’ on that, as well.” Angel said, his voice was cold.

Spike looked over at him sharply. “You let me worry about, Buffy.” He told his grandsire in a growl.

“Did you, er, speak with her, then?” Giles took off his glasses and started polishing them. He knew if he didn’t he would stare at the bite marks on Spike’s neck. What did those marks mean he wondered? Had Spike been able to get through to her?

“I spoke with her and she almost staked me for my trouble.” Spike shook his head. “Shadow was right about one thing, you need to let go of the worrying over the Slayer. All of us were so caught up in trying to find her that we almost walked completely blind into a trap. Now we need to figure a way out of it and still manage to save the world. It would be for the best, if you all start thinking of her as your enemy, instead of expecting her to be the same person she was.”

“And while we’re doing that exactly what are you going to be doing?” Angel asked him suspiciously.

Spike stared at Angel hard. “Disgusts you, doesn’t she, mate?”

Angel blinked. “What?”

“Ever since you came to my place, every time Buffy is mentioned you act like she would be better off dead. You seem disgusted by what’s happened to her and you act like it was her fault.”

”I know it wasn’t her fault. I’m just can’t believe she gave up that easily.”

“I thought we needed to be concentrating on getting out of this trap.” Dawn tried to get the vampires back on track.

“Someone is coming.” Illyria said suddenly and everyone quieted down as Henri opened the door, carrying a tray with their drinks. He quickly passed the men the glasses of whiskey they requested, before leaving the bottle on the table. He put Dawn’s glass of Coke in front of Spike, who passed it to her.

“Is there anything else I can bring you?” Dawn was glaring at Spike wondering why the blue skinned man suddenly would do anything but look at her.

“No thanks, we’re good.”

“Forgive me for prying, but I have heard rumors that you have sold your club. This isn’t true is it?”

”I’m afraid it is. I’ve gone back to a previous line of work.”

Henri looked confused, but Spike didn’t say anymore. Finally realizing he got all the information he was going to get out of the vampire Henri turned and left again.

Giles took control before Angel and Spike could start bickering again. “What do you propose we do about this situation then? Surely we can’t let them separate us knowing what we do.”

No one answered as everyone tried to consider the options.

“I have an idea.” Dawn said. “You’ll still need to split up, but you could leave Willow with the ground team. We can tell them that because of her experience with Buffy her magic will be burnt out for a while. Willow has friends out here in the Himalayas, she could call them in for help as they travel.”

“Dawn, its true Willow spent time here in this part of the world learning to control her powers, but I’m not sure what a monastery of Buddhist monks could do to help.” Giles answered her.

“What about a Buddhist Monks/Werewolf?” Giles looked surprised.

“You mean…?”

“Oz.” Angel answered for her.

“He lives with some monks somewhere in the Himalayas that are also a pack of werewolves. If we could get word to him maybe he could be the backup we are looking for.” Dawn told him

”Not a bad idea Nib, er, Dawn.” Spike corrected himself when she shot him a poisonous look. “If Red isn’t actually too burnt out to use her mojo to call him.”

”That covers the ground team, but what about us? We’ll be going in blind, miles from any civilization. For all we know they are going to offer us up to the Thunder Dragon’s army.”

“Once we arrive in the tunnels I should be able to get a sense of how things are set up. Also, if we can find one of the stones that he used to capture his excess power, I will be able to use that to help.” Illyria told them. There was silence as the humans and vampires around the table exchanged glances. “You don’t trust me to help you if I regain my full powers?” Illyria asked them.

“Its not that we don’t trust you.” Giles began.

“No, we don’t trust you.” Angel said at the same time. “You haven’t given us much reason to trust you.”

“Standing by your side and fighting the Wolf, Ram and Hart was not reason to trust me? Staying with you since then and helping your causes is not reason to trust me?” Illyria demanded of him.

“That has been since you lost your powers. If you still had them you would be searching for ways to enslave the world, wouldn’t you? Besides where else could you have gone?”

Illyria tilted her head and considered his words, it was easy to see she was angered by what Angel said.

“I trust you, Blue.” Spike said. Everyone, including Illyria looked at him in surprise.

“You trust her?” Angel demanded.

“Yeah.”

“Care to elaborate?” Angel persisted.

“No. At some point you have to make a decision on who you can and cannot trust and I think Blue will stand by us.” Illyria stared at Spike as if she could see right through him.

“You speak the truth.” She stated. “But you trust me because of your fondness for Fred.”

“Not exactly.” Spike said. “I know Fred is gone, I know you aren’t her, but there is enough of Fred inside you that I don’t think you would betray us.”

Illyria gave him a cold smile. “Your logic is hopelessly flawed, if that is the same logic you are applying to your Slayer then Shadow is right: She will kill you. The human emotions inside of her are so fragmented that she will not use them to make any decisions.”

”I know, but that doesn’t change some of the facts. And the fact remains the Slayer is MINE.”

Spike looked directly at Angel as he said this daring him to contradict him, but Angel was too amazed at his proclamation to say anything.

”What does that mean?” Dawn asked.

“It means, that no matter what happened to your sis or who she is now she is still the person I’m supposed to be with and I’m going to get her back no matter what it takes.”

“No matter what it takes?” Giles said. “What if that means you join her, with the Rogues? Do you then participate in the apocalypse?”

Spike just shook his head, again at a loss to explain the connection he felt to the Slayer. “No. It means that hopefully I will be able to get her away from all of this before it comes time for the apocalypse.”

“We need you here, Spike.” Angel told him.

“Yeah, but she needs me more.”

“I can’t believe you are willing to risk the end of the world, just to continue your obsession with my Slayer.” Giles said angrily.

“Oh please, this coming from the man who agreed to hire mercenaries just for the opportunity to see her!!!”

“Someone is coming.” Illyria said, but no one listened to her.

”Spike you’ve admitted it yourself, Buffy isn’t in there, no more than Fred is still inside Illyria.”

”But part of Fred is still inside Illyria, whether she wants to admit it or not.”

”Someone is coming.” Illyria said again, not focusing on the conversation around her instead focusing on the approaching creature.

“You are being foolish and single minded.” Giles insisted. “We need strong fighters by our side, we can’t afford to be distracted by Buffy.”

Spike looked at him incredulously. “Isn’t that what I said when we got here?”

“Well you should learn to take your own advice.”

The door opened and Henri entered quietly, but Spike didn’t notice him he was too worked up. “Listen to me, you lot haven’t been there for her for the past 8 years, you’ve all admitted it. Someone needs to be there for her, unconditionally and let her know that no matter what happens they are on her side. That someone should have been me, but I was too screwed up to know it, but now I’m back and nothing and no one is going to keep me away from her. Not some ‘shadow’ and certainly not some apocalypse. Do you understand me Watcher?” The last part came out as a growl and no one in the room doubted for a moment the sincerity of Spike’s words.

“Forgive my intrusion.” Henri’s quiet, smooth voice interrupted them, Spike looked at him startled to see him there.

“I tried to tell you.” Illyria said as she began to sniff at the hookah.

“Spike, may I have a word with you in private?”

“Anything you have to say you can say in front of them, mate.”

Henri hesitated. “I’m not sure, it has become known to me that you have enemies here in the city.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” Spike muttered. “It all right. I can trust these folks.”

“I was just informed that you will be participating in my fight tournament tomorrow.” Henri said. Spike raised an eyebrow at him.

“Really?”

“Yes, I believe you are looking for ground transportation to take you into Bhutan.”

There were glances exchanged around the table. “That could be true.”

“Well I have access to such vehicles, but they are prizes to be won. You must best my combatants, in the arena before I will let them go.”

“I see, and you were told I would be the one entering this contest?”

“Yes, although the parties involved made it very clear that they had other fighters to enter the arena in the event of your demise.”

Spike snorted. “What did you tell them?” Spike asked.

“The same thing I will tell you. My tournament is, and always has been, a fair fight. I will not compromise that for anyone.”

“I understand.” Spike nodded. “Thank you for that.”

“There is no need for thanks. It is the way it has always been. Personally I look forward to seeing you fight, the skills of William the Bloody have long been legendary.”

Spike forced a smile on his face, remembering the ease with which Buffy was able to beat him. “Well, we’ll see what happens.”

“I will leave you again to your privacy. I did not mean to intrude, but I thought you should be aware.”

“Who approached you about this? Was it an English chap with blonde hair?”

“They sent a representative with a message, I’m not certain where it originated from. Would you like me to find out?”

”No, I pretty sure I know who sent it. Thanks for the heads up.”

”Certainly.” Henri again left.

“You aren’t actually considering going along with this?” Angel asked him.

Spike didn’t answer him, he felt exhaustion deep inside, both from the events of the evening and the emotional toll it had taken.

“Blue why don’t you light up that pipe. I have a feeling I’m going to need it to get some shut eye. Especially if I’m expected to fight tomorrow.” He handed her his lighter.

“I don’t think drugging yourself is the best plan right now.” Giles said.

“Oh you are smoking too Watcher. You need the rest more than I do, you look like shit. Besides, we already know when they are planning on trying to kill me. No reason to assume they’ll attempt anything before then.”

He picked up one of the mouth pieces attached to a tube leading back to the hookah and handed it to Giles. Giles looked at it for a moment, before he took it begrudingly. “Oh what the hell,” He muttered before taking a hit.

The sky was now turning into a shade of pink as they made their way back to the house. Next to Spike, Angel started humming quietly to himself.

Spike turned to him. “What is with you and that Cat Stevens song? I mean I thought Barry Manilow was bad, but this..” He asked his grandsire.

“At least it has a melody, Spike. What musical talent did Sid Vicious have?”

Dawn turned back to look at them from where she and Illyria were helping Giles, who had all but passed out. “Guys, save it for inside the house. We don’t need you two frying because you stayed out until daylight debating music while high on opiates!!”

The two resumed their walk to the house their walk to the house as they got lost in their own thoughts.

Once they reached their impromptu home Dawn and Illyria walked Giles up to his room and put him in bed. They were just turning to leave the room when he began to speak.

“Life is never what you imagine is it?” They both turned surprised. Giles’ eyes were open, but unfocused as he stared out the ceiling. “I can’t help, but think of all the mistakes I’ve made in the past. I’ve tried to make them all right, but some things you just can’t repair. I wonder if this is how Angel feels?”

“Giles, it isn’t your fault we’re in this situation. This is just the drugs talking.” Dawn scolded him gently. “That’s why Nancy Reagan says ‘Just say no’. Not that I really remember that.” Dawn knew she was babbling, but she didn’t really know what to say.

Giles had been like a father figure to Dawn. Actually he was the closest thing to a father she had ever really known. All of her memories of her ‘real’ father were just images created by monks. The man lying before had been the one who had been their since her creation. It was hard for her to see him hurting and in doubt. He was always the one who seemed so certain and in control.

“If I had known, what being the Slayer would do…” Giles voice trailed off slightly. “If I had known the pain it would cause her, I would have taken her as far away from the Hellmouth as possible. I never wanted…” Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. “I failed her.” He finished in a whisper.

At that moment Dawn had an epiphany, it could have possibly been caused in part to the opium smoke she had inhaled just by being in the room, but suddenly things became very clear to her. She felt as if she grew up in that moment. She realized that she needed to be strong for the people around her. All of them were struggling right now, as much as she was, and they needed and they would need each other to make it through this. She couldn’t waste her time wallowing in her own self-pity.

“Giles, you can’t blame yourself for what’s happened. Besides, Buffy was lucky to have you for a Watcher. Not only were you her teacher and her trainer, but you were like her father and she knew how much you cared about her.”

Giles eyes focused in on Dawn and he seemed to remember himself. “Thank you, Dawn.” He told her sadly with a small smile, acknowledging her attempt to ease his conscience, if not actually doing so.

Dawn leaned over and kissed him on the forehead lightly. “I still think of you as my father.” She said quietly before leaving the room.

The tears in the corners of Giles’ eye brimmed over. He forgot Illyria was still in the room until she spoke. “There is sickness inside of you.”

Giles closed his eyes. “I suspected as much, which is why I haven’t gone to the doctor.” He told her.

Illyria studied him for a few moments. “It is unwise for you to continue this journey, you will probably die sooner if you go on.”

“They need me. You are not to tell any of them.”

Illyria approached him and leaned in close to him. “You are like Wesley, you will die fighting for what’s right and it won’t make any difference.”

Giles smiled at her, and looked at her with sympathy. “You miss him terribly don’t you?”

Her eyes widened and she quickly left the room, leaving Giles to try and let go of his guilt enough to get some sleep.

Meanwhile Angel and Spike had climbed the stairs to the second floor. Spike found his things, still sitting at the end of the hall, where he had dropped them in his flight down the stairs.

“The room on the other side of me is empty.” Angel told him. He waited for Spike to make another comment about his music, but he just nodded at him as he collected his things and walked to the door. He turned to Angel before walking inside.

“Did you ever consider taking Dru and I with you?” Spike asked him. “When you ran out on us after the soul, did you ever even consider it?”

“No, I didn’t think you would want to come with me.”

”Oh, I wouldn’t have, but Dru would have followed you into a bonfire. Soul or no, it wouldn’t have mattered to her, she would have just been happy being with you. I probably could have tolerated you better if you weren’t torturing me all the time, too.”

“You would have never stopped killing, Spike. I couldn’t have put up with that.”

“The point is you never even tried. You were so certain we would let you down you just didn’t even try.”

Angel didn’t know what to say to him, he couldn’t believe Spike of all people was lecturing him on his responsibilities. Towards him and Dru, no less.

“With the soul or without you are still the most arrogant son of a bitch? That’s why you left Buffy the first time, because you were afraid she couldn’t measure up to your expectations of her. She was starting to lose the magical shine that pure innocent love has. Once the day to day routine settles and you find out that underneath the angel was a regular girl, you left. That’s why she disgusts you now, you put her on such a high pedestal. The star crossed romance, the true love.” Spike mimicked him.

“You don’t know anything about it.” Angel began.

“And I am the fool who keeps trying to imitate you. I did when I was just a fledgeling and here I am doing it again. That’s why I never tracked her down, I was trying to be like you. I thought to really love her, I had to put her on that pedestal and worship her from afar. I was so busy trying to build trying to compete with you for her in being the better person, I forgot about her. She was everything and somehow I forgot that.”

“I get it why you feel disgusted by her and why you are so angry with her, I do.” Spike continued. “I was mad at her for giving up, for letting them beat her, but then I realized, she wasn’t beaten, she still survived. Even though she was different she was still Buffy. Her demon recognized me, and not just as family. I could feel it, feel her.”

Spike looked at Angel sharply. “She felt your disgust for her, she may not be full vamp, but make no mistake she is family and she knew what you felt towards her. You rejected her again, that’s why she attacked you.”

“How do you know that? She was out of her mind. Besides, Buffy rejected me long before that. It wasn’t me she wanted Spike.”

As quickly as it came the fight went out of Spike. His shoulders sagged and he turned back towards the door. “You need to learn to trust in people Angelus and let go of some of your expectations of them. It might go a long way towards reconciling that soul of yours with your demon.”

Spike opened up the door and went inside. Angel entered his room and picked up his cell phone. He listened to the ringing on the other end, he honestly had no idea what time it was where he was calling. After about 15 rings a sleepy voice picked up on the other end. “Hello?”

”Conner.” There was a silence, then Conner answered him.

“Apocalypse time again?” He asked him.

“How did you guess?”

“That’s the only time I ever hear from you, then you disappear and I don’t know if you’ve made it until the next one.”

Angel winced at the resigned tone in his voice. “This time it’s a bit different.” Angel took a deep breath. “I need your help.”

Even thousands of miles away Angel was certain he could picture the look of surprise on his son’s face. He was surprised with the immediate response.
“What can I do?”

A/N Sorry it took so long,I started reading about Nepal and it took much longer than I thought. Thank you so much to everyone for all the feedback, it is very appreciated. And thank you to those people that helped get my web site up, its still not perfect, but your suggestions have helped make it better.
Up Next: Spuffy dreaming

Chapter 11: In a Dream You Found a Way to Survive and You Were Filled With Joy

After Spike entered the small room and put his bags down, his weariness hit him hard and he was anxious to get a nice kip. Unfortunately, when he lay down on the bed, the Opium, combined with the events of the past few days had his mind jumping from topic to topic, heedless of the need his body had for rest.

He managed to shut out the thoughts of his Grandsire and his musings on the whole ‘soul’ business. Then he pushed his concerns about their current situation out of his mind, by telling himself he had done his duty in bringing it to the Watcher’s attention, it was his job, now, to find a way out of this mess.

If he was going to be kept awake because his mind was on a roundabout, Spike had other things he would rather concentrate on.

Buffy. A smile crossed his features. His Slayer.

He tried to focus his mind on her.

First, he pictured her dancing at the Bronze from the first time he saw her.

But that didn’t work. That girl was vastly different from the woman he now loved. Instead of dwelling on the reasons for those changes, he pictured her the way she was, now dancing before him.

He could see her; body moving seductively in a dark club, the dark clothes from earlier were replaced with a silver breastplate and a black skirt held around her waist by a jeweled belt. The outfit was similar to the one worn by Aaliyah in the movie ‘The Queen of the Damned’, only without the stupid headpiece.

Spike’s mind started to wander off again, as he remembered what a horrible movie that was. Even worse than the first one, if that could be believed.

Spike actually met Anne Rice, once; he had been planning on killing her for propagating all those myths about vamps. Yet, after he spent a few minutes talking to her, working himself up for the kill, he found out she wasn’t that bad, despite her romantic notions about vampires. Her writing wasn’t even that terrible, once he had a chance to read it, although, he preferred her books that had nothing to do with vampires, like the Feast of All Saints.

Spike had found it extremely amusing that she honestly believed vampires resided in New Orleans. The reality was that no self-respecting vampire would ever be caught in New Orleans.

First of all there was the smell, the stench that rose up from the sewage grates and drains, which overflowed every time it rained, which happened almost everyday in the summer. Combine that with constant smell of urine and vomit that permeated the French Quarter and then throw in the smell of stagnant water pooled in the swamps at the edges of the metropolis and canals that ran through the city. It was enough to curb even them most vicious vamps bloodlust.

Then you had the meal selection itself. Since killing locals usually led to discovery, most intelligent vampires knew to drink from tourists or visitors. In New Orleans, the main tourist attraction was partying and drinking. Feeding from a tourist who was completely drunk, just didn’t quench a vampires appetite, usually they got drunk before their hunger was satisfied. Plus the high alcohol content made the blood thin and watery, not a very appetizing meal.

Realizing how far off track his mind had again wandered Spike again tried to focus on Buffy, wanting images of her to lull him to sleep. An evil grin crossed his face as he relived their earlier fight. He remembered the taste of her blood as it ran down his throat, even now hours later he could still feel her power running through his veins, warming him in the most delicious ways. He undid the fastenings on his pants as his cock hardened with the memory of the taste of her. He knew that even the small taste he’d had of her tonight would be enough to increase his strength dramatically by tomorrow, hopefully enough to give him the edge in his fight tomorrow night.

He wondered exactly what kind of creature he would be fighting. He considered asking Illyria to spar with him when he awoke to help get his reflexes back, before rejecting that idea. There was only one person he wanted to spar with; the trick would just have to be getting her to agree to it.

Spike didn’t think it was going to be too difficult to worm his way back into the Slayer’s life. The way she was now; with her uncaring attitude, and her preoccupation with fighting and violence to relieve the pressure her demons asserted on her, actually made her an easy target for him. All he was going to have to do was use logic to get her to accept his help. Like explain to her that she would have a much easier time controlling her demon if she had someone to help her mentor it.

The only problem would be the Slayer side of her, Spike knew that he was going to have to best the Slayer in a fight to gain dominance over it and thereby gain its respect. Something he was nowhere close to ready for, and given the amount of power it possessed, it would be a long time until he was ready.

Getting frustrated with his meandering thoughts, that weren’t giving him the tranquility he needed to get to sleep, again he centered his thoughts on his Slayer.

Once more he conjured the image of her dancing in a dark club, the silver outfit leaving little to the imagination.

Spike had to admit, as much as he loved her long golden locks, the color she had now was equally becoming in the way it contrasted with her skin and made her eyes glow. He envisioned how beautiful she would look with flowing dark hair down her back. He closed his eyes, this was the image he was looking for. He settled into his fantasy of watching Buffy dance for him, while he absently rubbed his erection. He could see her clearly in his mind, every movement, every muscle flexing and moving as she danced. He knew from personal experience all the subtle movements her body could make as it flowed sinuously. It was that memory that changed the fantasy so now it wasn’t Buffy dancing for him enticingly, but Buffy riding him, just as she had their last night together. It didn’t take long for an orgasm, more powerful than he’d had in years, shook through his entire body while he images of Buffy writhing on top of him ran through his mind.

It wasn’t long after that he slipped into sleep.



When Spike opened his eyes he was standing in a large marble hall, in the center sat a pedestal atop a short staircase and on the plinth stood a life sized statue of Buffy. Numerous people were gathered around the hall, each and every one of them a familiar figure to him. They all seemed to be lost in their own contemplation of the sculpture before them.

Spike noticed Xander first, he was dragging Anyanka with one hand and the brown haired cheerleader with the other, towards the shrine of Buffy. It was apparent from his actions and the looks he was giving them both that he was measuring them up against the statue if the Slayer.

Off to the side Riley stood at attention facing the statue; after a few seconds he relaxed, marched a few feet before turning and standing at attention once again. Spike got the impression he was trying to protect the shrine, but from what Spike couldn’t see.

Spike moved closer to get a better look at the shrine itself. On the way he saw Giles sitting on the ground furiously scribbling in a notebook, every so often he would raise his eyes and gaze upon Buffy before continuing his writing.

Off to the side was a large group of stuffy older men, they reminded him of Giles, only Giles was laid back compared to them. Spike recognized the man who was obviously in charge. It was that Travers fellow who once ran the Council, they all seemed to be making plans, frequently gesturing or looking up at the pedestal.

Spike moved on past them.

The closer he got, the more he appreciated the quality of work that went into this statue. It had long blonde hair, similar to how Buffy wore it the last year in Sunnydale, only now it was much longer. The artist had also managed to not only convey the softness of her features, but the power inside of her, with the stance they had chosen to portray her in. Her clothing was similar to that in his fantasy, only instead of silver it was golden, contrasting with her complexion that was somehow amazingly accurate, despite the fact it was synthetic.

When Spike reached the steps, he noticed Angel on his knees, his head bowed as if he were praying. Spike’s vampiric hearing picked up on the words that were coming from his grandsire.

“Let me be good enough for her. Please let me be good enough.” Spike suddenly understood.

They were all worshiping their image of he, this was just some idealized version of her.

Spike looked up at statue again, in disgust instead of awe this time and that’s when he saw it.
Her eyes. They were alive and they were in pain.

Spike let out a ferocious growl and stormed up the steps. The fools had trapped her. They trapped his Slayer in their expectations and images of who she should be, causing her to become the statue he saw before him.

When Spike finally made it up the stairs to her, he could hear the others below yelling out for him to stop, but he never paused. He immediately started breaking and cracking the hard shell that surrounded her. It felt like ceramic under his fingers and no matter how careful he was he couldn’t help but cut and scrape her skin as he broke through the hard surface.

It didn’t take him long to break her completely free of the prison she had been trapped in, by those who loved her. She stood before him breathing in heavily as if she couldn’t get enough air into her lungs. His eyes raked over her skin, the various cuts from the casing had begun to bleed and trickles of blood ran over her skin, Spike though he had never seen her look so appealing. Unable to help himself, Spike leaned forward and began to lick up the droplets to their source before closing them. Buffy whimpered and almost swooned under his attentions.

Spike could hear the others start to rush the stairs now, wanting to stop him from taking away their idol. Spike immediately scooped her up in his arms, relishing the feel of her arms tightening around his neck, then leapt from the pedestal onto the floor and ran for the door.

Spike kept turning to look behind him at the men chasing him so he didn’t notice that when he threw open the door, and jumped through it, he was jumping into a vast chasm of nothingness.







Before he could do anything Buffy was torn from his arms and he was suddenly picked up and thrown by a large gale. Spike was tossed and turned about in a large maelstrom that kept pulling him farther and farther inward. The closer he got to the center the more violent the wind became and soon it wasn’t just his body that was being buffeted by this tempest. Feelings and emotions were slamming into him.

Fear………..anguish…………bitterness……….distress………..heartache……….misery

The suffering and torment pounded away at his soul making him yell out in agony.

Images began to accompany the feelings. He could see Buffy on the floor of her bathroom yelling for him to stop only he could feel her emotions. Betrayal cut through him like a knife.

Another image flew past. Joyce laying on the couch still in death. Spike could feel grief and pain overwhelming him.

He craved the oblivion of unconsciousness, but since he was still asleep he was technically already unconscious. Spike wasn’t sure how much longer he could stand the onslaught of violent and painful emotions before he lost his sanity. At last, realizing the danger they were in his demon rose up and took over, almost surrounding his soul to protect it.

The demon itself, while fond of pain and fear, did not care for the storm it found itself in either. Its howling rivaled that of the wind itself in intensity, as it tried to struggle and break free of this devastating emotional storm. The wind grew even stronger as he neared the center of the storm and for a few minutes he was certain that it was going to rip his limbs from his body.



Then as suddenly as he was caught up in it, he was released from it. The storm was gone. The abrupt change in conditions left both his mind and body reeling so it took a few extra minutes for him to become aware of his surroundings.

A high-pitched scream brought his attention to his environs. He was in a dimly lit cavern that reminded him of where he had been held captive by the First. Across from him hanging on the far wall a figure was crying and screaming.

Immediately Spike knew what was going on. He felt revulsion and fear wash over him as he moved closer to the torture victim. This was his dream. The dream he’d had about Buffy every since he had asked Raven to become his Mate. Only the dream had never been this vivid before.

As he knew it would be, Buffy hung naked before him. Her hands and feet were nailed directly into the wall, dried blood caked the wounds indicating she had been there for a while. She struggled to breath against the weight of her own body which was slumped and tired from trying to hold herself upright despite the pain in her wrists and feet. Deep gashes crossed her flesh; blood flowed down from them over her body mixing with her sweat, it painted her skin so it looked orange in the torch light. He also noticed the dried blood in between her thighs suggesting other brutal treatments and tortures.

At one time he would have given anything to see the Slayer battered and hurt like this, but now it made him physically ill. The worst part wasn’t even the visual evidence of the mistreatment; it was the whimpering cries she kept calling out, whenever she had enough breath to do so.

When she began to speak, even though he had this dream before and knew what she was going to say, her words pierced his heart more skillfully than a stake ever could.

“Spike, please. I’m sorry. Please.” She begged and pleaded, panting all the while. Her eyes looked around frantically, for a few seconds before they settled on a dark shadow located in the corner. “I love you, please don’t do this to me.” She said directly to the shadow.

Spike looked to where she was gazing, in surprise. Usually, Buffy was staring straight at him when she was crying like this. As the shadow seemed to move with a life all its own until it was directly between Spike and Buffy, Spike realized that maybe it wasn’t him at all she was seeing, but something else that was hurting her.

This realization gave him the momentum to move forward, maybe this was more than just his subconscious after all. He could see the shadow reaching towards her and then there was another fresh gash bleeding freely across her stomach. Before his eyes the gash seemed to get bigger and deeper, like someone was twisting a knife into her flesh and she screamed out in excruciating pain.

Spike couldn’t take anymore, he tried to move closer to her, but it felt like he was frozen in place. He called on all the strength he had inside him, but was still unable to move. Inside himself, Spike was working himself up into a frenzy, his demon was almost beyond reason in it desire to free its Mate from her pain.

Unable to move and feeling helpless Spike began to scream as loud as he could. “Buffy, luv, its not me. I would never hurt you, pet. I love you.” Even with the effort he put into it his words came out as no more than whispers. Not ready to give up he tried again. “Buffy fight him, don’t give up. I’m here.” This time it was a little bit louder. Finally calling up the primal energy of his demon he let out a loud snarl and yelled out, not to Buffy but the shadowy presence before him. “Get away from my Slayer, you prick. She belongs to me.” He was surprised when he heard his voice come out clear and strong this time. Even Buffy seemed to hear him, and she looked up towards him for the first time.

“Spike?” She whispered confused as she looked from where he was standing to the darkness before her.

It seemed that the darkness also heard him clearly because it suddenly turned and moved towards him. Unsure of what he was facing Spike tried to back away from the darkness, but found whatever was keeping him from moving closer to Buffy was also keeping him from moving away. The darkness surrounded him and once again Spike was thrown into the windstorm getting bombarded with images and emotions of pain while he circle a large vortex.


Spike had no idea how long he was tousled about before it ended as abruptly as it began, only this time Spike found himself face down on the ground. He lay there for several minutes breathing deeply, as he tried to get himself under control. He wiped away the tears that had been running down his face.

When he picked his head up to look around he was shocked at what he saw. He was in front of Buffy’s house on Revello drive. It was standing there, exactly as he remembered it, except it was in black and white. He looked around and realized the rest of the street was also devoid of any color. He glanced up to find the only color anywhere was above him, a deep indigo blue sky with lavender clouds racing quickly overhead.

He moved to enter the house before stopping abruptly.

Upon closer inspection there seemed to be a gray cloud surrounding the house, he could see it swirling through the air. The cloud reminded him of the darkness he had just encountered for some reason, so he decided maybe he should explore this dim version of Sunnydale more thoroughly before attempting to go inside.

As he moved off down the street debating within himself where would be the best place to start investigating, he used all his senses to try and gauge the precariousness of his situation.

He immediately noticed the air was thick with the smell of vanilla and it seemed to crackle with power, just like Buffy’s scent.

He moved quickly now, knowing he should head to the Magic Box. If his hunch was right he would be able to find something there.

When he entered the Main Street and he noticed that while the buildings were all where they were supposed to be, some of them were fuzzy. The outline and shape of them were sharp and clear for the most part, but the name or the show window displaying their wares would be blurry no matter how close he got. This only furthered his suspicions about where he was.

Spike was almost to the Magic Box when he felt it.

He turned around in a circle scanning both the ground and the tops of the buildings for the predator he knew was now hunting him. Spike got into a defensive stance. However, even though he could sense it, he couldn’t see it, and he couldn’t even use his senses to pinpoint it since it seemed as though it surrounded him.

The predator grew closer and closer still. Spike felt the fear crawling up his spine, as he spun around, again trying to ascertain its location. Under normal circumstances he would call it out instead of waiting for it to attack, but he knew that he had no hope of standing up to this creature.

When the attack came, it seemed to come out of nowhere. A blur of golden color streaked towards him out of the corner of his eye and he just barely threw himself backwards and out of its range.

The Slayer stood before him in all her primal glory. She resembled Buffy, but some primitive version of her. Her hair was dreaded into a mass on top of her head, her forehead was large and bowed, she didn’t seem able to stand up straight and there were long sharp claws that extended from her hands.

Spike stood up and eyed her warily. He again set himself into a defensive posture then feinted as if to attack before turning and running away as fast as he could.

He could feel her chasing after him, but he didn’t dare turn around to see how close to him she was.

On some level he recognized that this was only a dream, and he knew damn well that it was when you turned to look, that the things chasing you in dreams, caught up with you. Up and down the streets of the shadow Sunnydale he ran, with no idea where he was going, he just knew he had to keep going.

After about twenty minutes at this pace his legs began to stumble underneath him, he tried to drag up more strength, but found he was about out of stamina. He saw the sign for the Bronze before him and realized where he was; he circled around the back knowing that he was almost out of juice. He thought that this would be as good of a place as any to meet his end.

Just as he turned the corner to the alley behind the Bronze though everything suddenly shifted once more.


Spike was dizzy for a few seconds as disorientation washed over him. Once he got over the muddled feeling he became aware of the sounds of fighting. He looked up and saw Buffy fighting a vampire. The world was once again its proper colors, only this time Buffy, the vampire she was fighting and even himself he realized when he looked down were as transparent as ghosts. He didn’t linger on that discovery, however, as he looked again at the Slayer fighting before him.

She was young again.

She looked like she had when he first met her. Actually, this was exactly like the first night he met her, he even recognized the vampire she was fighting.

He watched as she dispatched the vamp with ease and didn’t understand where the clapping noise was coming from. Then he looked down and realized it came from him as he stepped out into the light and faced her.

Spike could hear his voice talking, but he didn’t pay any attention to the words as he took in the young girl before him. Her hair was slightly messed up from the fight, reminding him of how it looked after a nice, sweaty, rough and tumble. The fierce look in her eyes devoid of any fear as she faced him wasn’t just for show; he knew that at this time, even after what she had seen and been through, she still carried within her the optimism of youth.

It would take Angelus to steal that from her.

Her voice brought his attention back to what was actually happening before him. “What happens Saturday night?” She asked him with excited anticipation.

Spike froze. He remembered this part most clearly, this was what he had come here for that night and at the time it had excited him beyond belief.

“I kill you.” He heard himself answer, but instead of the faint smell of fear and nervousness that should be there he had smelled anticipation and…arousal?

“Buffy.” This time it was him that consciously spoke, he felt a ripple go through him and when he looked down he wasn’t as transparent anymore, portions of him were solid and other parts were swirling with translucency and solid

“Spike.” The hope and happiness in her voice made him look at her sharply. He saw that she was also becoming more solid. He could even make out the texture in her shirt now. He stepped closer to her and she did the same.

“Buffy?” He spoke again, but his voice choked with emotion and it didn’t come out very loud. She came within arms reach of him and raised her hand as if to brush against his cheek before pulling back sharply. She looked at him fearfully and she shimmered again becoming more translucent.

“Are you real?” She all but whispered.

“I don’t bloody know right now, pet.” Spike answered honestly. “I afraid I’m only dreaming this.”

Then she rippled again and became solid as she threw herself at him, his arms tightened around her instinctively and a sob escaped him, as he was overwhelmed.

“I knew you would come.” Buffy was also crying into his neck where her head was buried. “That was what kept me going all this time. I knew you would come eventually.”

“I love you so much.” Spike told her over and over again.

Buffy pulled back abruptly, for a minute Spike thought he had jumped locations again, but then he saw her smiling brightly up at him. It was a smile he had never seen directed at him before, but it warmed him inside, in a way that even her blood could not compete with.

“I love you, too, Spike.” She told him. At his shocked look she repeated it. “I love you.” She took his head in her hands and brought his lips to hers.

In his many years on this planet Spike had been intimate with many women, with Dru’s approval of course, and even demons and creatures that were know for their sensuality and sexual prowess, but never before had a kiss affected him like this.

It was gentle, sweet and filled with love, as their lips caressed each other lightly, sipping and tasting the emotions that came from the other. There was also passion and Spike felt himself throb inside his jeans with desire for her. The smell of her arousal around him turned him on even more. Yet, as much as he desired her, Spike didn’t feel the need to move things any further along, he just wanted to keep enjoying this moment forever. He tangled his hands in her hair, not to pull her closer just so he could feel the silken lengths again. He was delighted with the way she purred against him when he did that.

A loud bang sounded and the alley seemed to shimmer a bit and at the edge of his line of site, the color seemed to waver. Spike somehow knew it was the Slayer trying to get in after him.

“Don’t worry she can’t get in.” Buffy told him.

Spike looked down at her and his eyes narrowed as he remembered his previous suspicions. “What is going on here, pet? We have primal Slayer hunting me down and some version of you hung up like Christ on the cross, only worse.”

Spike couldn’t tell whether she actually shivered or whether he could actually feel the rippling of her body, as she seemed to struggle to stay solid. She quickly put her fingers to his lips to silence him. “Shh. If this is just a dream and that’s all we have then you shouldn’t waste time worrying about it now. We need to just be happy.” Her voice sounded hopeful and desperate at the same time, the shivering feeling continued. Again there was a loud banging.

“Say I agree with you, luv, I don’t know that she’s going to let us relax and have fun.” Spike answered.

“So we’ll go someplace else. Someplace she can’t go and we can be alone, its one of my favorite places.” Buffy’s voice got more excited and she seemed to stabilize her shifting.

“Ok, and how do you plan on getting there?”

Buffy gave him that dazzling smile again and the next thing Spike knew things were spinning again.

When they stopped he stepped back from her.

“Bloody hell. Enough with the Merry-Go-Round already, Slayer.” He ranted while she giggled delightedly at him.

Spike stood still and watched her. He didn’t know what to do. If she was right and this was just some crazy Opium enhanced dream, then he had nothing to worry about and he should just enjoy this time he had with her, even if it wasn’t real.

Unfortunately, there were all these worries in the back of his and as wonderful and delightful as this Buffy was, he had the feeling that there was something off about her. She wasn’t the innocent seventeen-year-old version of Buffy she appeared to be. This girl was definitely more mature, and she seemed to have all the memories of his girl, but she was too happy, too giggly. She reminded him of a pop star on prozac.

Spike felt a tingling in his spine and he tilted his head as he looked at her. He could feel her demon. It took a moment for him to notice, but it was there. Only he didn’t think it was coming from her.

He looked around him and that’s when he noticed where they were.

“My crypt…” He said in wonder. Even the oriental rugs were in place on the floor. “This is your happy place?”

“This is where I spent the most time with you, even though it wasn’t the best time. Now I come here and I imagine all the things I would have done differently.”

All the concerns regarding her, flew out of his head with her words; he simply crossed over to her and pulled her into his arms.

“What is it you imagine?” He asked her.

Buffy pulled away and led him over to the bed. She climbed up onto it and sat down.

“Come here.” She beckoned him enticingly. Spike climbed up next to her and she wrapped her arms around him and lowered him until his head lay on her chest. Spike was surprised that even though his head was resting on her soft breast, there was barely any sexual thoughts running through his mind.

Buffy began speaking as she ran her fingers lightly through his hair. “I imagine that I stuck around long enough to wake up next to you. I would wake up feeling so well rested and at peace with your arms around me. Its like heaven for me.” Spike looked up at her in amazement. She gave him that amazing smile again and planted a small kiss on his lips before pulling his head back down. “Then I would imagine the delicious ways I could tease you into waking up, and then we make love again.”

“Sounds, bloody wonderful, pet.” Spike murmured.

How he could feel himself getting sleepy while dreaming, Spike didn’t know. He found out he didn’t really care right now, he was so content he couldn’t help the purring noises that began to erupt from his throat.

A growl came from upstairs.

As relaxed as he was Spike never heard it, his purring grew louder as he lost himself in Buffy’s scent and her warm arms around him lovingly. This was something he never allowed himself to dream of. Even now that he knew her demon loved him and she always had feelings for him, he never would have hoped to share such a tender and loving moment with her. Her voice was the music of angels, he thought, not even embarrassed by the poetic thought that had come directly from his soul.

The growl came again louder, sharper.

Spike tilted his head to the side when he felt something go through him, like a mild shock.

“Did you hear something?” He asked Buffy.

“No, I was listening to you purring.” The warning bells in Spike’s head started going off again.

He looked back at her; she was still smiling gently at him. The look in her eyes was so inviting. Besides, this was a dream; he needed to enjoy this while he could.

He lay back down on her and she resumed her light caressing on his head. Spike started purring again.

This time a loud roar sounded from above.

“What was that?” He asked, alarmed.

“Nothing.” Buffy said quickly, her smile was still hopeful, but it seemed strained.

Spike jumped off the bed and ran up the ladder.

He was in game face by the time he reached the top.

Chained to the wall in the upstairs of his crypt was a vamped out Buffy. She growled at him possessively and yanked at the chains in an attempt to get to him. Spike leapt towards her growling a command at her and she quieted almost immediately, but still looked at him with desperate pleading. Spike immediately started pulling at her chains, trying to free her.

“NO!” Spike turned to see the Buffy he had been with rippling again. “You can’t let her go.”

Spike ignored her and went back to work. “If she gets out she and the Slayer start fighting, then SHE will come out to find out what’s going on.” Spike wanted to demand who SHE was, but right now he was still trying to comfort Vamp Buffy. She was nuzzling his neck as he pulled uselessly at the chains.

“What the hell are these things made out of?” He muttered.

“HER will.” The Buffy behind him answered.

Spike didn’t hear her because he was too caught up in the magnetic pull his demon felt towards the vampire before him. She was still nuzzling his neck purring against him, instead of the sweet loving feelings the other Buffy evoked in him this Buffy’s purr made him surge with lust.

His jaw practically shook with the need to bite her and his cock was doing much the same. His golden eyes met hers and it felt like an explosion inside of him. He dove for her neck viciously and as his fangs punctured her neck she screamed out in pleasure. He ran his hands up and down her body feeling her cool silken skin beneath his fingers.

She tried to wrap her legs around his waist, but was limited by the chains on her ankles, so instead she just bucked up against him. He growled into her neck at the contact, but didn’t loosen his grip as he began to suck her sweet blood into his mouth. He groaned as it trickled down his throat and he grabbed her backside and held her tight to his denim-covered erection. She immediately began to work herself off on him, causing his zipper to rub against him painfully, but even the painful friction brought him closer to the edge. He began sucking harder on her neck as his hips began to move against hers, helping them both reach their release. As her movements became frantic he pulled her head down and towards his neck, bit down on her harder and bucked his hips against her forcefully.

When her fangs entered his neck her climax hit her, and he followed right after her, spilling himself into his pants. His drinking slowed as he slowly came back to himself.

Temporarily sated his demon retreated slightly, Spike removed his fangs as he licked the wounds closed. He felt her do the same to him and he stepped away from her. The look in her eyes was enough to rouse his demon again and he was about to undo his pants so he could bury both his cock and his fangs inside of her, when the banging started. This time it seemed the entire crypt shook.

The Buffy chained in front of him went absolutely nuts. She immediately began to fight savagely against her restraints.

“We have to go.” Spike had completely forgotten about the other Buffy that was with him.

“Where are we going to go this time?” He asked tiredly. He noticed she was now solid once more and instead of being angry or upset she just watched him bring another woman…

Er, vampire…

Who was technically her.

Another bang sounded outside, and the happy Buffy walked over to him quickly and took his hand.

This time he was dizzy before they even left his crypt as he tried to wrap his mind around what was going on.

Spike realized he must be getting used to this traveling, because the disorientation was minimal this time. And again he recognized their location. They were in the house he found her in the night her mates had kicked her out.

“All right. I’ve had about enough of this. I want some answers and I want them now.” He almost growled. “And none of this disappearing nonsense either. You stay nice and solid, now.”

Again there was a loud banging. Buffy looked up startled. “Oh, no. SHE must know you are here, that’s the only way the Slayer could find us so fast.”

”Who is this SHE you keep talking about?” Spike tried to get her attention, but she didn’t answer him. She grabbed his hand again. Spike wanted to pull away from her before she teleported them again, but he was too late. This time when the dizzying feeling started, it didn’t stop. It continued on and on. Familiar places passed in front of him, but before he could even properly think of where they were they were gone again.

They began to move even more quickly and the dizzy feeling increased. As they moved ever faster the images started appearing more wildly. Sometimes the places were upside down, sometimes the seemed almost inside out, other times they were tilted at strange angles.

Spike noticed Buffy seemed to be losing her solidity along with her control.

He tried to shout and tell her to stop, but she didn’t seem to hear him. He tried to jerk on her hand to get her attention, but she must have lost her body at that moment because he lost his grip on her.

It was like being thrown out of a moving car at high speed. He hit the pavement hard and went rolling for about 15 feet before sliding to a stop.

Several minutes went by in absolute silence, and then Spike groaned and slowly began to pull himself up.

As he stood up he noticed that Sunnydale had resumed its gray coloring and fuzzy appearance.

He let out another groan and tried to stretch.

He felt the tingling in that instant. He heard, rather than saw the approach.

He did however feel the stake when it entered his heart and felt his body disintegrate into ash.


A/N: Whew!!! That chapter got long, I hope that makes up for the delay in updates. I discovered while writing this, that dream worlds were not as easy to portray as I first assumed and there are a couple parts I was worried were too muddled. Any and all feedback would be really helpful.
Thank you, Kyra
 

Chapter 12: Protect Me From What I Want

For the second time in his existence Spike felt the uniquely excruciating experience of dissolving into ash. Only this time he didn’t have the luxury of losing consciousness. This time even though he knew it shouldn’t be possible, he still had full awareness of himself, in all his pieces and particles, and all of them were in sheer torment.

He wanted to scream, but of course he had no mouth to scream. Of course he didn’t have any ears with, but it seemed as though he could hear.

“WAKE UP!!!” A voice demanded.

Spike sat straight up, every muscle in his body was thick with tension. His mouth was opened wide, but even his vocal chords seemed to be taut with fear.

“Wake up half-breed.” The voice demanded again.

There was disorientation, then flying through the air, than an abrupt and painful stop.

This was getting to be a bit repetitive.

Spike shook himself as he got his bearings. Solid floor underneath him, the same one as when he went to bed.

His body was solid, not translucent, and it appeared as though all his parts and pieces were still attached. He quickly pulled up his zipper when he noticed his pants were still undone.

A snort escaped him, followed by a chuckle, then a full-bodied laugh.

“I did not hit you hard enough that your mind should have been damaged.” Spike looked over at Illyria standing next to his bed and started laughing even harder.

Illyria turned her head to the side trying to understand what was happening to him. “Is this what they call hysterical laughter?”

Spike couldn’t answer her, he was laughing so hard.

It took him several minutes, but he finally managed to calm down and stop laughing. “Don’t look so alarmed, I’m all right.” He stood up and began to look for his cigarettes. “Just a nightmare, is all.” He finally found them and lit one up, smoking with relish.

“A nightmare caused you that amount of terror?”

Spike didn’t answer her; instead he began to look through his bags for a clean T-shirt to throw on.

“I could feel your fear across the house.” He persisted.

Spike found a simple black T and threw it on.

“What time is it?” He asked still ignoring her questions. “Anyone else up yet?”

“The Hogoshas left a while ago. I heard them talking, they did not think I understood their language; they were going to the hospital to check on the wounded soldier. Xander has not left Willow’s side since he awoke; she still has not regained consciousness. Angel has not yet gone to bed he has been up making travel arrangements.”

“Travel arrangements? He going someplace?” Spike grabbed his bag with the clothing in it, he had been astonished when he went to pack for this trip how many of his black T’s had been replaced with dress shirts and jackets. He grabbed a few more before they had left, and Raven had bought him some grey and white T’s to wear as well. He slipped on one of the grey ones now.

“No they are for his son.”

Spike looked at her quizzically. Angel didn’t have a son, something there must have gotten lost in the translation.

“The Watcher?”

“I believe he is still resting.” Illyria wondered if she should mention the Watcher’s illness to the vampire.

“The Rouges?”

“The males have been closeted away with the soldiers, except for the young human. He is with Dawn pretending to translate the prophecy. I do not know where the Cat has gone. I also do not know where the flying creature is. She worries me, I have no sense of her.”

“What do you mean?”

“She does not appear to me in any way except when I see her. She has no residual signature I can read.”

“So if you don’t see her, you don’t see her?”

“Correct.”

“And with her ability to take other forms and shrink to a spec of light that could be a problem.”

“Again, correct.”

Spike sighed, one more thing to worry about.

“Has Buffy…?”

“The damaged Slayer is in the training room working on meditations type exercises as well as her fighting skills.”

“Really?” Spike smiled. “Good, I need to have a chat with her.”

It was Illyria’s turn to laugh now. “You really do have a death wish don’t you?”

Spike studied her for a moment. It was true he was the first to accept that Fred was gone and Illyria had taken her place. He had mourned the loss of his friend, still missed her, but he had been able to move on from that. He didn’t even really blame Illyria for what happened. She didn’t pick the shell she was going to be reborn in. That was all that idiot Knox.

However, whenever he heard Illyria laugh he always was struck with a sharp pain of loss that rivaled the pain he experienced when they first lost Fred.

She had always been such a happy and hopeful person. The sound of her laugh had been contagious and had brought a smile to his face on several occasions. To hear such a similar sound come from Illyria, only with out the warmth, made him feel her loss profoundly.

“When you took over Fred’s body you said she was gone.”

“That is correct, her spirit was destroyed with her physical organs.”

“Then how do you explain the lingering emotions you still have that belonged to Fred?” Spike questioned her.

“Ghosts created by the memories that are still inside.” Illyria answered succinctly.

“Isn’t that part of Fred, though, her memories and emotions?”

“Why are you asking these questions?” Her voice came out suspicious and angry. No one had inquired about the shell’s previous occupant since Wesley had been killed.

Spike raised one eyebrow at her and Illyria felt her anger grow. He acted like she had just proven something to him.

Spike saw her face darken and sighed. “Look, that dream I had last night was about Buffy. I’m not even sure it was a dream.” He sat on the bed and looked up at Illyria. “I was like I was inside her head and she her personality was broken up into theses pieces. Slayer, vampire, and then there was this little ghosty Buffy. Whenever she was making with the happy thoughts she would turn all solid, then if anything upset her she would fade away.” Illyria’s anger faded and she began to feel something else as he confided in her.

“I was just wondering if, given the chance, the remnants of Fred’s emotions you feel grew would Fred’s presence grow too?”

Illyria hesitated in answering. It was unusual for someone one to initiate conversation with her. Even though she worked by Angel’s side day after day, he usually ignored her unless they were talking about the mission at hand.

The one eyed human tried to be friendly towards her, but she believed that was because he saw similarities between her and his deceased fiancée. For someone to not only confide in her, but then ask her opinion was quite a novelty. It was almost like a friendship.

She weighed the possible outcomes of sharing honestly with him. He could use this information to try and get rid of her in an attempt to restore Fred to this shell.

Yet that did not seem likely. He was too caught up in trying to win back the damaged Slayer. Plus he was the only who treated her fairly and she knew he did not hold her responsible for Fred’s demise.

She decided to trust him.

“If given the opportunity, these emotions could grow. I do not believe Fred would return, but I would become more like her in all probability.”

Spike nodded. “Thanks.” He thought over what she said.

“I would be willing to help you. If you desire it.” He looked at her surprised.

“Help me?”

“With the damaged Slayer.”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“I may still make you my pet someday. I like my pets to be happy.”

Spike burst out laughing. “Blue, you cracked a joke.” He stood up and opened the door. “And a funny one, at that.” He gestured for her to go before him in a rare display of the gentleman he once was.

“It was not a joke.” Illyria protested.

“Sure it was.” Spike answered as they walked down the hall to the stairs. “And to answer your question, yes, I could use your help. Wanna come train with me?”

“How will this help you win the damaged Slayer?”

Spike winced. “Could you maybe not call her ‘the damaged Slayer’? Buffy or just Slayer will do. I’ll know who you mean.” They went down the stairs. “I just want you to spar with me so I can get in some training and read Buffy’s emotions and such when I talk to her. Then let me know if you sense anything later on.”

He saw Xander walking towards them from the kitchen, the cat woman was next to him with a steaming cup in her hands.

“Harris.” He greeted the other man. He eyed the Cat Woman, wondering what they were doing together. Spike hadn’t had a chance yet to tell them about their theories of who the Rogues were really working for. He hoped Dawn had.

“You missed it, Mate, Blue here cracked a joke.”

“A joke, really. And I missed it.” Xander shook his head, with regret. “But was it funny.”

“It was not a joke.” Illyria repeated her earlier denial.

“Sure it was.” Spike answered her the same way, much to her irritation. “It was pretty funny.”

“I always miss the funny ones.”

Spike found that now that wasn’t acting like an ass he actually liked Harris. Actually, now that they were no longer openly hostile to him, he found himself becoming quite fond of all the Scoobies. He understood why they had always been such and important support for Buffy.

“How’s Red doing?”

“She still hasn’t woken up.” Xander said tiredly. “She’s started crying in her sleep again. Last night Helena made this tea that helped her rest easier, so we’re going to try it again.”

Spike again eyed the Cat Woman suspiciously.

“Blue and I are head for a bit of training, if you need us for anything.” He directed his words at Xander, but his eyes never left Helena’s. She tilted her head, acknowledging the fact that he was suspicious of her.

Xander was as always oblivious.

“Ok. Have fun getting beat up.” Xander said, before starting to climb the stairs.

“Better watch out Illyria, he has a tendency to develop crushes on women who beat him up.”

Spike growled. Well, most of the time Harris wasn’t an ass to him.


“He doesn’t trust me.” Helena commented to Xander as they walked back up the stairs to Willow’s room.

“Well, it isn’t like you guys have done much to earn our trust. Spike is going to be one of the hardest to convince about your intentions. He tends to get a bit protective where the Summers girls are concerned.”

”He once had a relationship with the Slayer? Isn’t that unusual for a Slayer to be involved with a vampire.”

“You want unusual, try the fact that she also used to be involved with Angel, but I’m sure you know all about that.”

“No, we do not communicate outside of mission parameters. Each of my teammates is a stranger to me. Often we won’t see each other, but for a few times a year for the bigger missions. Usually we work alone.”

“Oh. So you guys aren’t all friends?”

“No, I don’t have any friends.”

Xander looked at her strangely. “That must be a lonely kind of life.” He commented.

Helena just shrugged. “Before I was changed I had many friends among my tribe, but afterwards they were all afraid of me. That is the case with most humans, they are afraid of what they do not understand.”

”Don’t I know that.” Xander commented wryly.

They walked the rest of the way to the room in silence. Just before they entered Xander turned to face Helena. “I just wanted to thank you. Willow is my best friend, has been forever. There’s this whole story involving yellow crayons, but I won’t bore you with that. The thing is, you helping her like this means a lot. And if you aren’t actually plotting to kill us, then hey, double bonus.”

“I do not always understand your English.”

”Neither do most Americans.” They opened the door and heard Willow whimpering in her sleep. Xander rushed to her side and helped her to swallow the tea.

“You are a very devoted boyfriend.” Helena commented as she watched him.

“Thanks, but I’m not her boyfriend. Will isn’t really into guys.”

“Oh!!” Helena’s eyes got wide. “I’m sorry I just assumed.”

“Its ok. I haven’t played the dating game since my last date was a demon, who tried to kill. I finally just gave up.”

“That is a shame.” Helena said quietly.

Xander looked up at her and they shared a smile.



Locked away in Shadow’s library, Shadow, Simon, and the still bound soldiers sat and spoke with a dark figure.

“So they refused to help us?” The figure asked his voice sent sparks of fear through the soldiers.

“That is correct, they claim to run a fair establishment. Now, I find out that there is an association between the owner and the vampire. If he is now aware of what we tried to do, he will be less likely to trust us.” Shadow said.

“I will take care of this matter, then. The vampire cannot be allowed to live.” If his voice was frightening before, it was downright terrifying now. One of the soldiers was openly weeping.

“I fail to see how this one vampire can be such a threat to your plan.”

“This vampire has proved to be very troublesome in the past.” The figured let out what could be considered a sigh. “Has he had a chance to interact with the Slayer?”

“Yes.” Shadow replied, knowing that he wasn’t going to be happy with that.

“And was there a problem?”

“She almost killed him.” Shadow said, with pride. “I, however, stopped her, not knowing what your plans for him were.”

“Be glad you are my son, if you weren’t you would be killed for that offense.”

“Not anticipating your whims? No wonder it has taken you this long to mount a good offensive.”

“Remember your place, Shadow.” The being hissed. “You were born from the darkness for this purpose and you can be returned there as well.”

“I am doing everything you ask, Father.” Shadow sneered. “Just make sure you remember what you promised me.”

“It has already been agreed upon. You will be the consort to the Thunder Dragon after it is reborn into the Slayer and your Fyarl will head up the extermination of the human race.”

“Now I must go call on an old acquaintance regarding the vampire.”

“Should I make a point to keep him away from the Slayer?”

“Not if she’s going to do our work for us.”

Shadow smiled. “Before you go there is the matter of the soldiers to attend to.”

“Oh yes, the soldiers.” The figure walked over towards them. When it leaned down the both began sobbing into their gags. It held up both its hands, there was a rushing noise and both the soldiers slumped forward. “Matter attended to.” With that it collapsed on itself and disappeared.

Shadow walked over to them and lifted their heads by their chins. He watched as blackness coated their eyes and seeped inside of them. When it had run its course the whole way through their bodies, their eyes returned to their normal color.

“Now, gentlemen we have some things to discuss.” Shadow told them.

In one of the upper corners a tiny sparkle of light bounced slightly.



Spike and Illyria entered the training room and saw Buffy using a punching bag in the far corner. Even though she had to have sensed them, she did not turn to acknowledge either one.

Spike smiled wide at the sight of her. “Morning, luv, or afternoon by now.” He greeted her cheerfully. She never even paused in her movements.

“What do you want now Spike?” She asked him.

Spike’s confidence grew; she couldn’t even ignore him for very long. “Well, Blue and I were just going to do a little training. I thought I’d take someone’s advice and get m’self back up to par.” Spike began stretching out. “I bet that dose of Slayer blood I had last night is going to help right along with that.”

He was pleased to note, when she slipped and missed the bag entirely.

He turned back to Illyria. “You ready, pet?” He asked Illyria with glee, he knew that calling her that would incite her.

Turns out he was right. He once again lost contact with the ground and flew backwards.

‘Should start collecting frequent flyer miles.’ He thought to himself.

He looked up and saw Buffy looking down at him; he landed only a few feet away from her.

Blue had good aim at least.

“Looks like you’re going to need a lot of work.”

“That’s the thing pet, I don’t have too many options in sparring partners, at least not if I want to improve. Blue is about the best I’ve got.” He stood up and looked at her, considering. “I don’t suppose you would want to help me get back into shape.”

She sighed and rolled her eyes at him. “You have actually hit a new low on pathetic.”

“Hear that Blue? Now that is comedic genius right there. Keep up with those jokes and soon you’re tongue will be as sharp as this one’s is.”

Spike sauntered up to her. “You should give the training thing another think through, Slayer.”

“Why is that?”

“Because it would be mutually beneficial to us both.”

“How do you figure that?” She said, with something close to amusement in her voice, as she turned back to the punching bag.

“You can get me back in shape and I’ll help you get that demon of yours to behave better.”

Buffy turned back towards him slowly. “How do you propose to do that? Seducing it?”

“No, although I can’t help it if it knows a great catch when it sees it. I was talking about getting you to the point where you don’t have to keep it under such tight control. If you can get it to work with you, then you can relax a bit. And believe me, after watching you fight, you need to relax.”

“You don’t ever make sense do you?” She was getting exasperated.

“You don’t have the grace you once did when you fought. You are holding yourself back too much. It isn’t going to give you any trouble unless you go up against a serious adversary, but when you do it will mean your loss.”

Buffy didn’t say anything processing what he said.

“I’ll state right now, that if you get me up to speed I could take you in a fair fight simply because you lost the passion you once felt for the dance. It took away your creativity and to someone with a good eye your moves can be anticipated. You have the superior speed thing going for you so that isn’t usually a problem, but it could be.”

“And how are you going to help me train it?”

“It will listen to me. You can let it out and let it run. I will make sure nothing gets out of hand, and if you don’t trust me, then Blue can chaperone.”

“I’m certain that this is just some attempt on your part to be close to me in the hopes of winning me over.” Buffy stated.

“I won’t deny I want to be around you. Nothing new there.” Spike wasn’t going to hide his intentions. There wasn’t any need. “I can’t even promise that nothing will happen even with Blue here to chaperone.” He raised one eyebrow and smirked at her in invitation. “But you have to know that I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“No, not even in trying to help me?”

“I thought you learning to work with your demon and being able to relax would be a sort of a compromise. It can be a great asset, to you.”

”You mean you don’t actually think it would be better off if I were just dead?” Buffy asked him. He knew she was referring to Angel.

“No.”

“I wonder if you would still feel the same if you knew all our deep dark secrets.” She told him enigmatically.

“There is nothing you could tell me that would change how I feel about you.”

“We’ll see.” Then before the conversation could continue.

“Ok, lets try this.” She said.

They both moved into the center of the room and stood facing each other. Spike’s features shifted as he pulled his game face on.

“Your turn.” He told her.

It took a couple of seconds, but Buffy did release her iron grip on her vampire side and slowly her face shifted as well.

She sniffed at the air and looked around, she appeared to be excited. Her eyes seemed to glow a brighter gold when she took notice of Spike. With a happy growl she leapt towards him.

He caught her before she could pounce on him. She whined when he held her away from his body. “Sorry.” He threw her back onto the mats and took up a defensive stance.

Buffy rolled up easily from the light toss. She narrowed her eyes catching on to what was happening her. She gave him a fierce, toothy smile and attacked. At first she was beating him easily. She landed punches and kicks, knocking him backwards. Then he seemed to pick up on her rhythm and started attacking her back. He moved slowly, but he kept performing difficult maneuvers to throw her off track. She tried to follow him, but she found herself unable to. Frustrated she tried pushing herself again.

“You are going to have to let her go, if you want her to learn what she’s capable of.” Spike said in a loud voice.

Just like that the limits were gone. She could move faster, her body more agile. Spike noticed immediately. “That’s it.” She came after him with a series of spinning kicks that she ended with a leg sweep. He just barely managed to jump in time.

She decided she was having fun.

Spike was having a blast.

He began to get lost in the fight, with her, also releasing the controls on his demon.

She was still better trained than he was, but they were able to tailor the fight so it was a workout for both of them and she wasn’t wiping the floor with him. Back and forth they went across the room.

Even Illyria couldn’t help be impressed with them. They did move together perfectly, it did look like a well-choreographed dance. They didn’t even notice the crowd that gathered to watch them.

His ex lover and her friends entered first. Aside from a faint look of sadness that crossed her face, Raven did not appear to be very affected by their separation. Illyria noticed that a there was also a look of pride and respect on her features after a few minutes of watching them. The other two girls were simply in awe.

The Slayer’s sister came in next; she got a happy smile on her face and sat down to watch the two of them intently.

Twenty minutes later Shadow arrived.

They were still fighting ferociously, neither one showing any signs of fatigue. Illyria felt his presence before he formed out of the shadows next to her.

“What’s going on?” He sounded excited and eager, she noted.

“They have decided to train together. They believe it will help them to overcome their current shortcomings in regards to their fighting skills.” She answered him.

She watched as his demeanor changed.

“It appears she lost control over her demon.” He commented.

“No, that is what they are working on, training the demon so she doesn’t have to have such a tight control over it.”

His face tightened and he walked towards them. “Slayer, I need a word with you.”

Both fighters stopped, Buffy looked at Spike questioningly. “Time to go back in.” He told her sadly. This time there was no struggle on her face as Buffy shifted back to her human form.

“That was a first.” She said.

“I hope I’m not interrupting.” Shadow when he walked up, his voice was as tight as his face.

“He was teaching me to work with my demon.” Buffy said. “Is there a problem?”

“Surely you don’t have a problem with me helping your girl out with her skills.”

Shadow ignored him. “I would think letting the demon out like that would cause the Slayer no small amount of upset.”

“Not so far, but I hadn’t thought of that.” She admitted.

“Maybe it would be best to consider all of the possible outcomes before deciding to try something like this.” He suggested. “I would like to meet with everyone in the living room area. There are some complications we need to discuss.”

Buffy nodded.

A/N: I know this chap was a long time coming and it isn’t very long, but the next part was going to get a bit long so I decided to end it here for now. I promise to make more regular updates again. Thank you so much for all the nice reviews and comments. Kyra

Coming up: Fight Club…

Buffy stood on the mezzanine looking down at the fight below her. All around her people sat at tables and chairs set close to the high metal fence that ran up to the ceiling, keeping the onlookers from interfering with the fights in a anyway. Below the mezzanine was stadium style seating were the general public was seated; the mezzanine was reserved for the rich and powerful.

Beside Buffy, stood the Japanese girls, Giles, Illyria, & Angel talking to the club’s owner Henri; Shadow stood to the other side of her. Giles and the others were talking amongst themselves as they watched the fight.

Spike stood on one side of the caged arena, he was shirtless, his uniform of black jeans was replaced with a loose fitting pair of pants that were apparently standard issue for anyone participating in the fights, who needed some sort of clothing. Across from him, was his competitor, Andhaka.

Andhaka was nothing more than a skeleton, but he had a wicked looking sword and some of the bones protruding from his body were filed into sharp points. So far the fight had been pretty one sided, Spike unsure of how to damage to a skeleton, and having no weapons, was limited in his means of attack. Andhaka had managed to land several blows with his sword and also managed to stab Spike in the side with one of his barbed elbows.

“Why was he the one who had to do this?” Raven asked, trying not to let her worry show.

“He volunteered.” Angel commented dryly. Both he and Giles had tried to talk Spike out of volunteering for this when Shadow had ‘explained’ that this was the only way to get the vehicles they needed to get their mission started, but Spike had been adamant. Even the fact that not even Shadow seemed to want him to fight now dissuaded him.

Spike had pointed out to them later that whether this fight was a set up or not he needed the practice to hone his skills before they got out into the field and couldn’t hold his own. Buffy’s comments had bothered him a lot more than he was willing to let on. He was actually ashamed at how badly he had let himself go while he was living his normal little life.

Andhaka started swinging his sword expertly. He spun and twirled the blade moving closer to the vampire who was tensed, looking for an opening of some sort. When he got close enough Spike rolled and tried to come up behind Mr. Bones, but the demon was faster and once again struck Spike with his sword. This time a line of blood formed across his chest.

“We need to get him out there.” Raven said. “He’s going to get himself killed.”

Buffy looked over at her in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? You obviously have no idea what Spike is capable of, he hasn’t even gotten started yet.” Raven didn’t answer her, but she did glare at her hatefully. Buffy responded by smiling at her winningly the other girl looked away in disgust, back down at the fight.

As if to prove Buffy’s assertation, Spike chose that moment to change into his demon guise. He let out a growl and then launched himself at Andhaka, knocking the sword from his hand. Spike had a hold of one arm so he could get stabbed again from and elbow. He used his strength to crush the bones under his hand. Soon enough he ripped the entire arm from Andhaka’s body.

Without his sword and missing an arm, the demon’s fighting skills were severely impaired. Spike kept moving keeping him off balance; whenever there was an opening he dove in and crushed another bone off of its body.

Finally starting to find a rhythm and enjoy himself, Spike started in with the comments that usually accompanied his fights.

“Well we know what the wrist bone was connected to. Let’s go for the hip bone next.” After he said this he lunged forward and snapped Andhaka’s femur. The demon fell to the floor. The crowd went wild, everyone was on their feet cheering loudly. Spike made a graceful bow, before he turned and looked upwards. His eyes didn’t even have to search for her, sensing exactly where she was. He met Buffy’s eyes and with a triumphant smirk he gave her a little two-fingered salute, still in his demon face.

“Your steadfast admirer.” Shadow commented.

“You aren’t jealous are you?” Buffy asked lightly, but her eyes never left the vampire below her.

“Are relationship isn’t based on thing such as jealousy.” Shadow answered. “I am however concerned about you allowing him to have the access he does.”

Buffy finally looked away from Spike to look at Shadow. “You think he means me harm?” She asked, genuinely curious. After the years she spent working with him, she had come to respect Shadows instincts.

Shadow hesitated before answering, if he lied and told her he did suspect him of wanting to harm her, she would probably catch him on it. “Whether or not he means to, you are giving him far too large of an opportunity.” He decided to be noncommittal. “Remember what happened with the other one.” Shadow leaned his head indicating Angel. “What would happen if he were to find out all of the skeletons in your closet?”

Buffy tightened her lips as she thought on what Shadow said. “You’re right. She admitted, but I’m not letting him get too close.”

“I’m sure you know what’s best for you.” Shadow said out loud. Inside he was cursing. He hoped his father had indeed found a way to destroy the vampire.

“How many more battles are there until we have won?” Illyria asked.

“Only five more.” Henri answered behind them. “Here comes the next challenger now.”

They all looked down to see a large misshapen form slide into the arena. It had no legs, several tentacles for arms and three eyes around its body so it could see from almost any angle. Spike watched it warily for a second, and then held up the blade he had taken from the previous fighter. Without wasting anymore time, he was in the air, the blade twisting and turning. When he landed again, he looked back at the creature as it slowly slid apart from the deep slashes he made in it. Again the crowd roared as it jumped to his feet.

“Four more, now.” Henri said.


Spike defeated his next four challengers with the same amount of ease. After every victory he continued his ritual of saluting Buffy.

The crowd didn’t even bother to sit back down for the last two fights, but remained on their feet cheering his name. Even Henri stood through the last battle, watching the action below intently.

“I had always been told his fighting skills were amazing, but I never really believed.” Henri murmured more to himself than anyone in particular.

“I knew he was good, but I didn’t know he was that good.” Rave said.

“I did.” Buffy couldn’t help but drive that point home again. She really didn’t know why she felt the need to antagonize the Japanese girl. It wasn’t as if the girl were some kind of threat to her.

When Spike finished off the last fight, Henri descended into the arena to announce him the winner.

“For the first time in several years, we have a new champion, William the Bloody, a vampire from the line of Aurelius. For his winning he has chosen the Saracen ACP, assault vehicle and the Damler Ferret. Everyone else may now collect their winnings at the booths in the main lobby. Thank you all for coming.” The crowd cheered as Henri and Spike left the arena together.

“You did wonderfully my friend.” Henri practically gushed as they entered into the locker room area that was provided for the fighters. “I was slightly worried when you were fighting Andhaka, but then it was like someone flipped on a switch and you were just tearing him apart.”

“He was the hardest one, but once I figured out how to hurt him, it was a breeze.” Spike grabbed a towel and headed towards one of the showers. “What kind of demon was he anyway?” He yelled over the now running water.

“Andhaka was the son of Shiva and Parvati, he was created from a drop of his father’s and mother’s combined sweat. He was born blind.”

“Really?” Spike said.

“Yes, he was actually almost a cousin to me because he was raised by my uncle, Hiranyaksha.”

Spike finished washing off and cleaning his wounds. He turned off the water and wrapped the towel around his waist. “Sorry, about that, Mate. I didn’t mean to kill your family.”

“Oh, you didn’t kill him.” Henri said. Spike looked at him surprised. “He can’t be killed.” Henri continued. “Long ago he prayed to Lord Brahma, he did not eat or drink for millions of years, chopping off his body parts and offering it to the sacrificial fire until there was no more meat on his body. Then Lord Brahma came and offered him a boon. Andhaka asked that his sight be returned to him and that gods, demons, and humans could not kill him. Even the great Vishnu could not kill him. The only way he can die is if he ever desires to marry a woman who is like a mother to him.”

“That’s one hell of a boon.”

“Yes, many of my family have been granted such boons. My father cannot be killed on Earth or in space, by fire or water, during the day or night, either inside or outside and not by the hand of a human, god, animal or any other animate or inanimate species.”

”Bloody hell, that’s quite a gift. Must be handy fellow to have around, your father.” Spike commented as he began to get dressed.

“I have not seen him in several millennia. He seeks my death because of my loyalty to Lord Vishnu. My father believes himself to be the supreme lord of the universe. I changed my name and my appearance to help hide from him.”

“I have the same situation in my family.” Spike said with a chuckle, thinking of Angelus. Spike pulled on his jeans and T-shirt. “So what happens now?”

”Now we have a feast to celebrate your victory and then we discuss the terms of your rewards.”

“Sounds good to me.” Spike said as they walked out of the locker room area to find the others gathered and waiting for him. “Everyone up for a bit of a party? Celebrate the fact I avoided certain death, AGAIN?” Spike was almost dancing around them by this point and he made sure to say the ‘again’ part quite loud in Shadow’s ear.

“We really should get back and continue to research…” Giles began.

“Bollocks.” Spike interrupted him. “This fella here,” he said pointing at Henri. “Knows some big wigs in the Hindu hierarchy, you can probably learn just as much about the way things work in this part of the world by asking him.”

“Really?” Giles’ curiosity was peaked. “Well, I wouldn’t say no to a good meal.”

Spike walked up to Buffy. “How ‘bout it, luv? You were the one to help get me in shape for this, want to have a seat next to the guest of honor?” He grinned at her.

She just rolled his eyes. “At least we know you ego survived intact.” Spike’s grinned widened. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He offered her his arm and she surprised both of them by taking it. The group followed Henri out of the fight club area and into the lush garden that Spike and the others had been in the night before. This reminded Spike of something else.

“Henri, do me a favor and keep your magic pipe to yourself tonight, ok?” Henri grinned back at the vampire.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. I had enough crazy dreams last night to last me a few lifetimes.” He said, shooting a look over at Buffy, but she didn’t react at all.


Dawn sat next to Willow, talking softly to her. She had relieved Xander and Helena when she couldn’t take anymore of Jason’s know-it-all attitude. He would probably get along real well with Andrew. The two of them could sit there and debate about movies and comic books and other things like that.

The last argument that he had felt the need to pull her into had finally driven Dawn upstairs seeking refuge. Dawn blamed herself for starting the whole thing, she should have known better than to ask any questions.

When he had rebooted his computer a message had flashed up on the screen saying ‘The Tangent Universe collapsed 1304 days, 16 hours and 26 minutes ago.’

“What’s that mean?” Dawn asked worried about what that meant.

“It’s only from one of the best movies of all time.” Jason had told sanctimoniously. “Donnie Darko.” He added at her blank look. “And I liked it way before it was ‘cool’ to like it.” He always felt the need to make the ditto motions with his hands when he talked.

“The movie with the scary bunny costume? That movie didn’t make any sense.”

”It made sense you just have to be intelligent enough to understand it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s so simple.”

“Explain it to me then.” Dawn demanded.

”You can’t explain it to someone, you either get it or you don’t.” He said.

“Well I guess I just don’t get it then.”

”That’s probably why it takes you so long to translate things.” Jason said, he sounded like he pitied her. Dawn decided it was best to walk away then before she smashed his laptop over his head.

The others had already left for the fight club. Dawn was still angry at Spike for volunteering himself as the sacrificial lamb. Why that stupid vampire would jump at the chance to get himself killed was beyond her. She made a point to tell him if he died she would personally call his spirit back and make him do her bidding for all eternity. He had just smiled, gave her a quick hug and told her not to worry.

Like that was even an option.

Not knowing what else to do with herself she wandered upstairs to see if there was any change in Willow. She found Xander and Helena involved in a conversation that looked awfully flirty to her eyes. She offered to watch Willow for a while if they wanted to go out and get some food; the only requirement was that they bring her back something. They left not long after that and she had been sitting here since then, by her watch about three hours had gone by.

“Hey, Will. Are you sure you don’t want to wake up? You’ve been out for almost twenty-four hours now. People are starting to get worried.” She told the red haired witch gently as she stroked her hair.

She snatched her hand back when a whimper escaped Willow. She looked nervously at the pot of tea Helena had left in case Willow began crying in her sleep again. Dawn hated to give it to her if she was actually waking up though.

While Dawn’s eyes were focused on the teapot Willow’s eyes shot open and she sat up quickly. Dawn was so surprised by the sudden movement she fell backwards off the bed and onto the floor.

“Goddess.” Willow cried. “Buffy what have you done?” She cried out as tears began to course down her face again. Dawn didn’t know what to say, she just stared up at her in shock.


On the outskirts of the city, where there happened to be more monkeys than humans, Pixie landed in a moonlit garden that had been abandoned for years and become wild with neglect. She knelt down by a pool that had the moon captured in its reflection. She said some words in an ancient language. Had anyone been around to hear her they would have noticed the words she spoke sounded a lot like Celtic.

The pool began to glow with a silver light and a blurry figure took shape in its center.

“You have a report?” An imperious female’s voice asked.

”Yes. Things are beginning to move along quite quickly now.” She said.

“Any indications as to which side will emerge victorious?” The woman asked.

“It’s still too early to tell. I can report that the First Evil has taken it upon itself to destroy the vampire I told you about.”

”Do we know what his role is yet?”

“He is in love with the Slayer; I think they fear he can change her destiny.”

“Do you believe him able to do such a thing?”

“I don’t know. Love is a powerful force, but the so are the other forces at work.”

“I see.” The woman thought for a moment. “Do nothing at this time, but observe and keep reporting. We don’t want to involve ourselves in this matter unless it becomes necessary.”

“I understand.” Pixie nodded.

“If it does become necessary, then heaven above help the mortal realm.” The woman said and then she was gone.


The meal, while comprised of foods that they weren’t really used to, was actually quite tasty and filling to the Americans. The wine was flowing freely and Henri had dancers on the floor in front of them performing for their entertainment. Everyone was laughing and having a good time. Spike even managed to get a real smile out of Buffy at one point. Shadow was the only one who didn’t appear happy with the situation. He picked at the food and kept a close eye on Spike and Buffy.

Giles and Henri were at the far end of the table in deep conversation. Spike was hoping that Giles wasn’t being too annoying with all his bloody questions.

“That was a nice move.” Buffy’s comment caused Spike to focus again on the dancers before him.

It was a man and woman, both dressed similar, their dance looked more like a simulated fight than the other dances had. As the music progressed so did the vigor with which they fought. Spike agreed with Buffy though, they did have a great grasp on the basic fighting moves.

The more he watched the more Spike didn’t see the two dancers, instead it was he and Buffy he saw on the floor, coming together again and again, as if they were under some sort of magnetic pull.

Spike wanted to reach out and touch the woman next to him, try to initiate some kind of physical contact with her. He had been craving her touch since he finished the battle, but watching the now borderline erotic show before him, the craving was overpowering. He was just reaching for her hand when Shadow stepped between them.

“I don’t mean to interrupt everyone’s fun, but it almost dawn and we should see about heading back.” He reached out his hand to Buffy who took it obediently.

Rage boiled up in Spike and he fought the growl that wanted to break free from his throat. Instead he stood up quickly.

“I imagine you two want to get back and get in some quality shagging time.” He said angrily. “I’ll just head out now, if it’s all the same to you.” He walked across the room and out the door. He heard Raven running after him, but didn’t slow his pace.

“Are you all right?”

“Fine.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Are you just going to let her go then?”

”Should I force her to leave with me instead?” He growled.

“No, but you could give her the option.”

Spike shook his head and just moved on into the night. Raven could do nothing, but stand there and watch him go.

“Stubborn vampire.” She muttered.

Spike moved back towards the house, in a fog. He kept replaying the day over in his mind, from his awakening by Illyria, to his training with Buffy, to the fight club itself. However, that was just a distraction. He could still see the dancers moving sinuously on the floor and he could still imagine it was them out there.

God, he forgot how all encompassing it was to love this woman and how frustrating it was that she couldn’t feel the connection between them.

A loud scraping noise distracted him from his thoughts. He turned towards the source and found himself face to face with a large man, carrying a long sword.

“Do you yield to me?” The man asked him.

“Who the bloody hell are you?” Spike asked.

“I am Hiranyakashipu. I am the supreme lord of the universe, bow down to me now and I will spare your life.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” Spike said.

“You refuse me?” The man’s eyes narrowed and he started moving closer to Spike. “Then I was told correctly, you side with Vishnu to thwart my rule.”

“I don’t have any idea what the hell you are talking about.” Spike said, as the man moved forward Spike could sense a power in him. It felt similar to Henri, but it was much stronger. “You’re Henri’s father aren’t you?” Spike asked. He began to get worried, remembering what Henri had told him about his Father’s immortality conditions.

The man stopped and considered. “You know my son? You know Prahlada?”

Spike shook his head. “No, must’ve been my bad. The fella I’m talking about goes by Henri.”

“You side with my son against me?” He roared at Spike lifting his blade and running at him.

Chapter 14: What Urge Will Save Us If Sex Won’t

“Oh Bloody Hell.” Spike muttered before Hiranyakashipu raised his sword and ran at him.

Spike managed to dodge the sword point and get a punch in to the back of his head, but it only stunned him for a second and he quickly slashed out with his sword immediately after recovering. Spike tried to move out of the way, but he wasn’t quick enough and the sword caught him across his stomach.

Thankfully, he had moved in time to avoid being impaled on it.

Spike roared in pain and let his demon come out. He knew he would need its strength and abilities if he had any hope of surviving this.

Dawn was approaching fast.

If Henri was right about his father’s immortality, all Spike could hope for, was to incapacitate him, long enough to make a safe escape. He just wasn’t having too much luck with that, since he was currently too busy trying to dodge the sword long enough to even be able to get in a punch. He dove for the ground next to him, completed a roll, spun and stood up swinging.

He felt as well, as heard, a couple of ribs crack under the force of his blow, to the demon’s side. Hiranyakashipu shouted out in pain, but Spike followed up with an uppercut to his chin forcing him back and silencing him. Spike tried to keep his momentum going, but when he tried a spin kick, once again, he found he wasn’t fast enough. Hiranyakashipu grabbed his ankle twisted it roughly and shoved him, sending him flying backwards. Spike looked up in time to see Hiranyakashipu bearing down on him with his sword again and just barely had time to twist away.

This time he felt the fire race along his upper arm as the sword cut down into his flesh.

“I’ll take you a piece at a time if I have to little half breed.” Hiranyakashipu laughed at him.

Spike noticed the sky had started turning from indigo to a light gray color. He could feel the dawn’s approach acutely. He looked around desperately and spied an archway the probably led into someone’s garden. He stood and tried to race for it while his ankle snapped in protest. He hoped the covered area would offer some protection from the light that would soon be filling the sky. He hadn’t gotten more than a few steps before he heard the swing behind him. He ducked just in time to avoid decapitation.

“Where are you running off to?” Hiranyakashipu asked. “We aren’t done here.”

Spike closed his eyes as he launched himself towards the entryway and turned. He took a deep breath and faced his attacker, he let out a menacing growl and crouched in a defensive position, ready to make his last stand.



Buffy and Shadow led the tired group back to the house. Henri had asked them to stay a while longer and offered them a ride back, but Shadow had insisted they had to leave right then.

Angel and Illyria followed behind everyone scanning the area for any sign of danger.

“Raven, do you know where Spike went?” Angel asked.

While he would never admit to worrying about the blonde, there was an odd feeling in the air that made him nervous. He hoped that after everything that had happened over the past few days Spike had all of his senses on alert. He cursed the impulsive younger vampire for running off alone into the night, when he knew there were several parties who wanted him dead.

Raven glared at Buffy’s back. “I think he got some sort of indigestion from the display he was forced to endure. I’m sure he’ll be ok.” She said that as much to convince herself as Angel. “Unless maybe you think you should go look for him?” She said hopefully.

Myoko said something in Japanese.

“You have actually seen a two headed ass before?” Illyria asked her. Raven turned to her in surprise.

“You understand Japanese?”

“The noises that come human’s mouths are so primitive it isn’t hard to understand all the languages on this world.” Illyria responded.

In the front Buffy stopped suddenly.

“Is something wrong?” Giles asked, but she didn’t answer her.

“Slayer?” Shadow asked. He also felt the strangeness in the air this morning, but there wasn’t anything he could point out.

Buffy turned to Angel and Illyria. “Make sure everyone gets back to the house safe.” Without another word she ran off into the fading night.

“What just happened here?” Angel asked. Then he felt it. Spike was in trouble. Even though the bond between them was weak, due to their mutual apathy towards each other and their time apart, he could still feel when his grandechilde was in grave danger.

Angel turned to race off after Buffy, but Illyria stopped him.

“We need to get everyone back safely first.” She reminded him.

“But we don’t know if they can handle it alone.” Angel protested.

“You have seen them fight together, if it is something they cannot defeat together, what chance will you have?” She insisted. “Especially with dawn less than an hour away?”

A car suddenly appeared from the way they came and approached them quickly. It pulled up next to the group and Henri jumped out. “I just received word that my father is out in the city, please let me get you back to your residence safely.”

He urged them in the car quickly. “Where is Spike?” He asked when he noticed he wasn’t among them.

“We don’t know.” Giles said. “We think he is in trouble.”

Henri spoke quickly under his breath then looked towards Giles. “I have said a prayer for him to Vishnu, hopefully that can keep him safe until we can get to him.” Once they were all in the car, Henri peeled off towards the house.

“Is your father a dangerous man?” Shadow inquired.

Henri smiled bitterly. “He is not a man, he is a demon king who won over all three worlds of Heaven, Earth and Hell. He demanded that everyone worship him instead of Gods or Deities. When I refused he tried to have me killed by throwing me off a cliff, only my faith in Vishnu saved me.”

“My lord.” Giles gasped, realizing who Henri really was.

Henri misunderstood, though, thinking he was reacting to his tale. “Yes.” He continued on. “After that he tried to get his sister to trick me and have me burn to death, but again my faith in Vishnu saved me.” Henri sighed. “He has tried many, many times to kill me. So far he has been unsuccessful, thanks to Vishnu.” He finished reverently.

“But that would mean that you are actually Prahlad, son of Hiranyakashipu.” Giles said in amazement.

“Oh, you have heard of me?” Henri asked innocently. Giles’ eyes almost bugged out of his head.



Spike wasn’t faring to well. He was trying to defend the small entryway, but unarmed against someone at least twice his size and as tired as he was, he was covered with deep cuts and stab wounds from Hiranyakashipu’s sword. He cursed for letting himself go so badly, had he been in better shape he could have easily avoided most of the wounds he had received so far.

“You could just give up little half-breed.” Hiranyakashipu said in glee. “Or you could recant and acknowledge me as the ultimate being in the universe.”

Spike snorted. “Please, I can’t even acknowledge you as the ultimate asshole of the universe.” Hiranyakashipu roared and speared Spike through his shoulder. He winced in agony, certain that his time was up this time.

He was so caught up in his pain he never even felt Buffy’s approach.

“I told you, you needed to be faster if you were going to be out in the field with us.” She commented lightly as she hit Hiranyakashipu and knocked him away from the archway. She quickly crossed to Spike. She saw the dullness in his eyes and knew he wasn’t far away from passing out in pain. She pushed him back gently and he fell on a bench that was located under the arch. “Now let the professional handle this.” She turned back to face Hiranyakashipu as Spike watched her.

“Who are you? A half-breed, like him?” Hiranyakashipu asked her as he approached. “Will you be smarter than your friend and declare me the Supreme Lord of the Universe?”

Buffy laughed. “I, sooo don’t think so.” She taunted him.

When he ran at her in anger she easily kicked the sword out of his grasp. “Now lets see how tough you are.” She commented punching him in the face. He grabbed her around the throat and picked her up, shook her roughly and threw her back onto Spike. They both grunted at the impact.

“Not so easy is it?” Spike asked her blearily. She jumped up and let go of her control on her demon half, she wanted to enjoy kicking this creep’s ass.

She ran towards him as he faced her and they began to beat each other back and forth. Spike watched her move in admiration. Although he was in serious pain, nothing could stop the affect watching Buffy fight had on him.

Once again he was struck with the thought that she belonged to him. This magnificent creature belonged to him. She just didn’t know it yet.

She managed to grab Hiranyakashipu and roll backwards, flipping him over her head. Unfortunately, she threw him so he was in reaching distance of his sword and between her and Spike.

The sky was now pink as the sun prepared to rise above the horizon in the distance.

Hiranyakashipu grinned at her coldly. “Let’s get rid of your sweetheart first, then we can concentrate on each other.” He said.

He turned preparing to decapitate Spike, thinking he was almost unconscious by now.

He was surprised to see the vampire standing before him.

“Sorry that doesn’t work for me.” Spike said before punching him hard enough to spin him around. Buffy was waiting on the other side and punched him again. Spike went to kick the sword away from him again, but when he did Hiranyakashipu shoved him back onto the bench. Then he turned to slash at Buffy, but she was too quick for him and pushed him backwards to avoid the blade. Her shove sent him back onto Spike.

“This is what you call saving me?” He snarled at her. She just shrugged as she approached them, while Spike struggled to push the demon off his lap.

Hiranyakashipu made another swipe at Buffy with the sword while he grabbed Spike around the throat to try and pull himself upright. Seeing him try to attack Buffy, Spike moved instinctually, he grabbed the demon king’s head and wrenched his neck to the side. Too late he remembered how ineffectual that was the last time.

Just as the first rays of the sun crested the horizon there was a loud cracking noise that seemed to echo throughout the city.

Dawn had arrived.

Spike finally pushed Hiranyakashipu off of him and he tumbled to the ground before Spike realized he was no longer moving.

Spike stared at him unbelieving.

‘My father cannot be killed on earth or in space…’ Henri’s voice echoed in his head. Well the bloke had been on his lap.

‘…during the day or night….’ Dawn didn’t count as either one.

‘…either inside or outside…’ Spike looked at the archway they were in.

‘…and not by the hand of a human, god, animal, or any other animate or inanimate species…’ That kind of described him.

Spike let out a chuckle. “Thanks be to Vishnu.” He muttered. Buffy tilted her head and looked at him quizzically.

“And here I thought I was the one who saved your ass.” She said cockily. He snapped his head up and looked directly at her. She stood before him still in her vampire face, breathing heavily from the exertion of the fight. Spike remembered the feeling he had watching her and Shadow earlier and before he could even think he pressed her tight against the wall as his demon growled at her possessively.

He knew she had enough control over herself that she could have pushed him away if she wanted to, instead, golden eyes met his and she tilted her head to the side in invitation. Spike wasted no time and bit into her neck like a man starving. He heard her gasp in pleasure when his fangs broke the skin and she held his head tightly against her.

He swallowed her blood greedily, feeling it starting to heal his wounds almost instantly. As he began to feel stronger, his libido came back and his hands moved with a mind of their own, reaching for the fastenings on her pants.



When the car pulled up to the house, it was almost dawn. Everyone jumped out and ran for the front door..

“You’ll probably need some blankets with the day approaching.” Giles said. “It might be a good idea if you stay here, Angel.”

“No.” Angel said. “I’m going with them.” Giles nodded as they entered the house. Dawn ran down the stairs as they came.

“Willow’s awake.” Giles and Angel stopped in surprise; both hesitated for a minute, before Giles looked towards Angel.

“Go.” Angel said. “I’ll get the blankets and we’ll go get Spike and Buffy and be back soon.” Angel moved forward to grab a throw off the couch. Shadow appeared out of the floor in front of him causing him to stop short.

“I thought about sending Simon out with you, or Helena, but I think you can handle this can’t you?” He asked. Angel glared at him as he tried to step around him to get the throw, but Shadow kept stepping in front of him.

“I’m sure we can.” He tried again to reach around the man, but again Shadow moved in front of him.

“I have no doubt. Buffy probably already took care of the problem already. Are you sure you want to go out there?” Shadow asked.

“Yes, I am.” Angel said through gritted teeth. “Now if you would just get out of my way.” He went to push him away, but his hands met with nothingness as he did. Shadow had disappeared. Angel grabbed the blanket and rushed back towards the door. He passed Raven on the way. “Don’t worry we’ll bring him back.” He tried to assure her.

“Hopefully in one piece.” She said.

None of the Hogoshas noticed the flickering light that headed out the door ahead of Angel.



Spike had only one thought in his mind: to make Buffy his once and for all. Nothing else even registered with him as he ripped open her pants and pulled them down. She obviously didn’t have a problem with his treatment, though, because her only reaction was to hold his head closer to her as and to remove on leg from her pants and wrap it around his waist pulling him closer to her. She finally released her tight grip on his hair when she felt the denim that he still wore rub against her naked skin. She pushed him back slightly to undo his pants.

Spike stopped drinking and looked up at her when she did this. “Mine.” He growled at her menacingly daring her to refuse him. She ripped his pants open and gave him a toothy grin, but she didn’t accept his claim. She wrapped her other leg around his waist and raised herself up, using their momentum she turned them so Spike was now pressed against the wall while she was poised above him. She grabbed his hard cock with one hand and lowered herself onto him at the same time she struck for his neck. He howled out in passion and grabbed her bottom tightly trying to get deeper inside of her. She raised her head and looked at him triumphantly. “Mine.” She growled at him.

He released his grip on her ass and brought his hands up to cup her face, making sure she was looking directly into his eyes. “Always and forever.” He whispered.

She kissed him desperately, her fangs cut into his lips making them bleed as she raised and lowered her hips onto him feverishly. Spike released her face and grabbed her hips, leaning more of his weight against the wall and helping her to move on him.

Pleasure carried him off in waves as he reveled in the familiar feeling of being inside of this woman. He could feel her blood coursing through his body, just as he could now feel her essence strong inside of him. Their movements became more frantic as they pushed forward together towards that peak that only the other could bring them to. Buffy began to contract her internal muscles causing more friction on his movements. She knew he was so close. She pulled back to look into his eyes.

“Mine.” They hissed at the same time and dove for each other’s necks again, this time making sure to cover any pre-existing marks from anyone else. Spike lost himself as he came inside her violently.

All he knew was her.

Buffy.

The Girl.

The Woman.

The Slayer.

The Vampire.

He saw it all. Saw what had happened to her in Italy, saw her travels, saw the kidnapping, saw…

The pleasure left abruptly. He pushed Buffy away from him violently and bent gasping as horror and pain gripped him so tightly he began to shake.

It didn’t stop the visions though. They just kept coming.

Dry heaves racked his body as he coughed and sobbed at the same time. He fought to get himself under control and looked up towards her. That was when he realized what a mistake he had made.

“Buffy…” He pleaded with the woman who now stood before him completely closed off.

“What?” She asked him simply, she had the tight, controlled smile glued to her face.

“Wait, please.” He practically begged her.

“I’m not going anywhere.” She sounded smug. “When you offered to help me control my demon I didn’t think this was what you meant.” She commented.

“I didn’t mean…” Spike tried to calm himself and talk to her. “That wasn’t towards you.”

“Of course it wasn’t.” She agreed with him, but her tone indicated she didn’t believe that at all.

“You don’t understand, I didn’t mean to…” Again she interrupted him.

“Didn’t mean to what? Reject your mate so violently that now the demon is going to reject emotions the same way I do?” She shrugged. “Well, it all turned out the same. No more conflicted Buffy.” She put her pants back on and fastened them up.

They both heard a car approaching. Spike hurriedly fastened his pants as well. The car screeched to a halt and Henri and Illyria got out. The sun now lit up the sky, so Angel waited in the car upon seeing both Buffy and Spike standing.

“You killed him.” Henri said reverently.

Spike remembered the body for the first time. “I think your Vishnu helped out a bit on that one.”

Buffy didn’t say anything, just headed for the car. Angel noticed the new bite marks on her neck right away and immediately sensed Spike’s claim.

“You let him claim you.” He said as she sat down in the front seat.

“I am not a vampire Angel.” She almost growled at him. “Your traditions hold no weight with me.”

Angel looked at her confused. It felt like a mutual claim when she walked up, yet why would she claim him if she didn’t acknowledge claims.

Spike never took his eyes off of Buffy as she got in the car. He tried to answer Henri’s questions as best he could, but his mind was obviously some place else. Finally, Henri gave up.

“You must be exhausted after your night, we will talk of this later then?”

“Thanks.” Spike nodded.

“We brought you this to get back to the house.” Henri handed him the small blanket.

Spike took it and nodded his thanks; he threw it over his head and dashed to the back seat of the car, jumping in next to Angel.

After they had left Pixie morphed into her natural form and walked towards the body on the ground. “This isn’t good.” She said as she watched the car disappear around the corner. “This isn’t good at all. She has destroyed her last bit of emotion, we aren’t going to be able to do anything.” She transformed again into a small light and hurried back to the house.



It was a silent ride back in the car, broken only by Henri calling one of his people to come and collect his father’s body.

When they arrived back at the house, Buffy jumped from the car almost before it stopped moving. Spike wanted to jump out after her, but he still didn’t have the foggiest idea what he could say to make it right.

“I must have a service for my father.” Henri said, “After that I would like to speak more of your battle.”

Spike nodded absently before getting out of the car and dashing for the door. Angel ran in behind him with his own blanket. Illyria followed them both inside and shut the door.

“We need to look at your wounds and then go check on the witch.” She said.

“Willow’s awake?” Spike seemed alert for the first time since the found him.

“She evidently woke up last night.” Angel didn’t even finish before Spike was racing up the stairs towards Willow’s room.

“He needs to stop doing that.” Angel said irritated.

Illyria didn’t answer him, just watched Spike with interest.


Spike burst into Willow’s room, startling everyone inside.

“You’re ok.” Dawn said in relief. Spike looked at her and nodded.

“I’m still not dust, at least.” He told her, and then he looked back towards Willow. He noticed her pulse pick up as he looked at her. “How are you feeling Red?” She dropped her eyes.

“I’m not sure yet.”

“Willow hasn’t been able to tell us anything about what she saw yet.” Giles said.

“With the way it affected her, I’m thinking that’s a good thing.” Xander said.

Spike opened his mouth to dispute that, but then he noticed Helena sitting near Xander. He decided to wait until they were alone before he said anything. He didn’t know how much the Rogue’s knew about Buffy’s past, but he didn’t want to give them anything they didn’t already have.

“We should probably let you get some sleep.” Giles said, noticing Willow’s more subdued attitude since Spike arrived.

“Yeah, I’m pretty tired.” Willow mumbled.

Everyone stood up to leave and told her to get some rest. As they all began to filter out the door Xander noticed Spike didn’t move.

“You coming?” He asked the vampire.

Spike shook his head. “I need to talk to Red.” Willow looked up at him startled.

“She’s been through a lot, Spike.” Xander warned him.

“It’s important, Whelp.” Spike’s tone told him that he wasn’t going to argue with him.

“Fine, but try not to upset her, Ok?”

Spike nodded and waved Xander out.

He finally left and then Spike and Willow were alone, alone and staring at each other.

“You know.” Willow said.

“Do you hate me?”

“Hate you? It wasn’t your fault.”

“Really? I think it was.” Spike began pacing and felt tears burning behind his eyes. “Because of me she did that.” He said more to himself than to her. “Because of what I told her before, she believed it.”

Willow closed her eyes. “I don’t know what happened before Spike, but I know that she made a choice. I don’t blame her for it, because of the circumstances, but she did make the choice.”

Spike wasn’t ready to hear that yet, though. He just shook his head in denial

“How did you find out? Did you try and get inside her mind too?” Willow asked him

He let out a bitter laugh. “No, she let me in.” He touched the mark on his neck ruefully.

“You marked her? She let you?” Willow’s eyes opened wide. “You got through to her!” She said happily.

“Oh, I got through all right. I got through and the demon showed it all to me and I pushed her away.”

“What?”

“I didn’t mean to. It was just all of sudden, I saw what happened and I…” He shook his head as the tears crested. “FUCK!!” He yelled. “I’ve messed it all up again. I told her there was nothing she could do that would change how I felt about her and the first thing I do when she opens up to me is push her away in horror.” He looked at Willow. “That was the first emotion she felt through our bond. She thought I felt that about her, she didn’t understand.”

“You have to fix this.” Willow told him angrily. “Spike, she needs you.”

“Yeah, look what I do to her.”

”Oh get over your self-pity already; we don’t have time for that. Whatever is going on here, I think Buffy is at the center of it. She needs someone she can trust by her side. You are the one person she trusts more than anything…”

”Not anymore.” He said sadly.

“Then fix this.” Willow ordered. Spike almost expected her eyes to turn black with the tone she used on him. “She’s your mate now. That should make it easier.”

“Not exactly. She cut off all the demon’s emotions now too.” Spike sighed and ran his hands through his hair tiredly. “Your right. I need to fix this and I will.”

“I’ll try and help you find a way. You can’t give up on her.”

“I won’t. I am not about to let her go.” Spike said. “Why didn’t you tell the others?” He asked her.

“Dawn doesn’t need to hear that and neither does Xander.”

“Are you going to tell Rupert?”

“I don’t know. I think there is something wrong with him.”

“He’s sick.” Spike said.

“That’s what I was afraid of.” Willow said.

Spike didn’t know what to say. Why couldn’t ANYTHING be simple?

“I’m going to get some shut eye.” He said. “Facing a Hindu Demon King tends to wear you out.”

“I heard you got us some vehicles to ride in.”

“Yeah, we’re leaving tonight and the rest of you will leave the next day. We’ll meet up in a weeks time at the rendezvous point.”

“Provided we’re all still alive.” Spike said.

“Yeah.”


Her voice stopped him before he left the room.

“Do you still love her?” Willow asked him.

“More than ever.” He replied.



Downstairs Shadow sat in his office and face his father. “The vampire appears to still be walking the Earth. A mistake on your part?” He couldn’t help but gloat.

“You are a fool.” The dark shape hissed at him. “The vampire managed to turn her away on his own and in doing so helped our cause. She is now ready, she has shut out all of her emotions on all levels. We must leave soon so she can awaken the army of the Thunder Dragon and we can start her transformation.”

“Soon we will rule this world and I will have her by my side as my queen.” Shadow commented with glee.

“Victory shall be ours, thanks to the one that was supposed to be the hope for this war.” The dark figured let out a terrifying laugh. “And maybe if the vampire is still around when take power we can take our time and torture him through the next millennia.”
 

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