Life in Death
by uncagedmuse

own nothing. It all belongs to Mr. Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

This is for Megan. One of the best beta’s and greatest friends on the face of the earth. She makes me write better as well as teaches me that in myself there is something more to be explored. Thank you my dear friend.

Broken By Death

Standing in the waiting room as her friends tried to comfort her with kind words and caring hugs, Buffy continued to see flashes of her mother’s lifeless body laying on their couch with her eyes wide open staring sightlessly at nothing. No spark, no twinkle, just blank. Eyes that could no longer see Buffy’s panicked face as she checked the pale form for signs of life.

How was she supposed to be able to cope without her mother there pushing her forward? Joyce had been her true strength. She had always been there- taking care of her, standing by her, and loving her with a fierceness that only a mother knew. Suddenly it had all been ripped away, leaving an empty void of blackness deep inside Buffy.

At the sound of Giles’ voice, Buffy looked up and saw Dr. Kreigel approaching them. Trying to clear her mind of the unwanted images, she slowly walked towards the doctor to see what information he could tell them. Her sister and surrogate father stayed close by her side.

Standing before the small group of people in his blue scrubs and white coat, a stoic look on his face, Dr. Kreigel clasped his hands in front of him and began to speak. “I’ve examined your mother’s body.”

“Can we see her?” asked Dawn sadly with red rimmed eyes.

“Dawn not now,” Buffy admonished.

“The on-site report seems more or less accurate. Your mother did have what looks like an aneurysm. A sudden hemorrhaging from a ruptured arterial vessel near the uh… where the tumor was removed,” Dr. Kreigel explained.

“Shouldn’t we have known about that, that…. was a danger?” Buffy stuttered. Why hadn’t they been warned? They could have made sure someone was there with mom all the time. If one of them had been there, maybe they could have saved her.

“Joyce was aware of the possibility of a rupture, and the effects. She didn’t even get on the phone, so clearly this was very sudden,” the doctor answered.

Trying to make them understand there was nothing anyone could have done he continued, “She, uh, may have felt a little nausea, and probably passed out as it happened. I doubt there was much pain, and…..even if someone had been by her side…..it’s doubtful that this could have been dealt with in time.”

Dr. Kreigel looked at the two girls in front of him sympathetically and then turned to Giles.

“Uh, thank you Doctor.” Giles nodded trying to keep his emotions under control, knowing that Buffy and Dawn needed him to be strong for them.

“Are you sure….that there wasn’t a lot of pain?” Buffy murmured, wanting desperately to believe that.

“Absolutely,” Dr. Kreigel nodded.

Buffy’s thoughts drifted as the doctor began to talk about the forms that needed to be filled out. She realized Giles was saying something about taking care of it all but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

What if her mother didn’t know how much Buffy loved her? And Dawn. How was she going to take care of herself and Dawn? Too many things were pushing there way into her head at once creating a jumbled mess leading to a throbbing headache.

She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream for the supposedly benevolent Powers That Be to bring her mother back to her. How could they be good? Look at everything that had happened in her short time on this earth.

Buffy’s world was crashing in on her. Her lungs stung with every breath and her gut twisted in agonizing knots. The heart that pumped in her chest was bleeding out with every beat. Suffering this horrific loss was more than she was able to bear and she was sure her death would come quickly without her mother there with encouraging words and loving smiles.

Trying to pull herself from the haze that clouded her mind, she concentrated on what the others were saying. Anya, in her unique way, was trying to tell her that she was sorry Joyce had died and Willow was trying to get her to eat something. She agreed and Xander, Anya, and Willow went to find food leaving her alone with Tara.

Looking around for the first time since she entered the hospital, Buffy finally noticed the waiting room’s awful décor. Dismal grey walls that seemed suffocating surrounded her on all sides, and the stark industrial lighting glared from every surface, blinding her with its intensity. From the nurse’s station that ran along one wall came ear-splitting intermittent beeps and the occasional loud speaker call for a certain doctor.

At least the chairs weren’t made of that hard plastic that had your body aching after only a few minutes of sitting in them. They were stuffed, but still the same horrid color of grey with mottled colors of brown and maroon adorning the backs. What were they trying to do; depress already saddened people enough to kill themselves?

What is wrong with me? I’m sitting here griping to myself about the stupid décor when I should be thinking of the things I need to do for Dawn. And then there is mom’s stuff that needs taken care of.

Realizing she hadn’t said anything to Tara since the two of them had been left alone, she mumbled, “I’m sorry…you have to go through all of this.”

“You don’t have to worry about me,” Tara told her.

“Everyone wants to help. I don’t even know if I’m….here. I don’t know what’s going on. Never done this. That’s just an amazingly dumb thing to say. Obviously…I’ve never done this before,” Buffy sputtered staring at her hands.

“I have,” Tara whispers.

Buffy looked at her, stunned by this new revelation.

“My mother died when I was seventeen,” Tara explained with a sad smile.

“I didn’t know. I’m sorry,” Buffy apologized thinking that she needed to get to know this sweet girl sitting beside her better.

“No, no, I didn’t mean to…” Tara sighed and then continued, “I’m only telling you this because….I know it’s not my place, but……There’s things- thoughts and reactions I had that….I couldn’t understand….or even try to explain to anyone else. Thoughts that….made me feel like I was loosing it….or, like I was some kind of ho-horrible person. I know it’s different for you….because it’s always different, but….if you ever need…” Trailing off she looked at Buffy, the two of them staring for just a moment before looking down at the floor.

Buffy slowly raised her head to look at Tara once more. “Was it sudden?”

“What?” Tara asks.

“Your mother,” Buffy replies.

“No,” she said then thought for a moment. “Yes….It’s always sudden.”

Soon after Tara finished answering Buffy, the others walked back into the waiting room, their arms loaded with different items to eat and drink. Nervously, Willow explained that they panicked and asked if Dawn was still in the restroom.

Realizing her sister has been gone longer than she should be; Buffy got to her feet and started down the hall in search of her. Upon hearing a scream she took off running. Reaching the morgue, she looked through the window and saw Dawn fighting off a vampire.

When the door wouldn’t budge as she pushed at it, Buffy stepped back and kicked it with all of her might. It swung inward and crashed against the wall. Once inside she dusted the fledgling without much trouble.

As she stood there staring at Dawn, who was looking intently at the gurney Joyce’s body lay on, unwanted thoughts pressed in on her again. Not even on this torturous day could she get a break. Life went on, moving at a continuous pace, never ceasing. Never giving a moments peace. No rest for the slayer.

@~@~@~

Nope, today definitely was no better than the day before. Giles had sat with her for hours, planning every last detail of her mother’s service, which had been difficult to say the least. Buffy was still trying to deny it all. This wasn’t an easy task when your friends continued to tell you how sorry they were as they smothered you in their embrace and your sister would burst into tears at the drop of a hat.  Even after finding her mother unresponsive and cold she still wanted to believe it was all a dream.

Not a dream, not even close. It was a reality and with every passing second she spent in the presence of Giles and the Scoobies it became more and more tangible. Her mother was dead and nothing she could do would ever bring her back.

Lungs burning with every breath, Buffy kept telling herself to hold on just a little longer until these people had left the house. They might be her best friends but she couldn’t let them see her break down. No way could she allow them to see her pain. Being vulnerable was not an option.

Her clothes rubbed and scratched at her skin, making her want to tear them from her body. Her heart pounded in her ears as she tried to listen to what the others were saying around her.

At least Dawn was going upstairs for the night after asking to stay with Tara and Willow after the services the following evening. Then there would be no one standing between her and the intense grief that wanted to burst free from the constraining hold she had on her emotions.

Buffy got up from the paper work she had been doing most of the day that was strewn across one end of the table to tell her friends goodnight. She knew they would want to hug her again. Why couldn’t they just leave her alone? She loved them, but their well meant concerns only made her feel worse.

“Call me if you need me, Buffy. To talk or cry or anything, okay?” Willow said as she hugged Buffy close to her noting the lack of said crying so far.

This went on with each of them until finally they left her to the quiet of the house. When the front door closed behind them, she turned to the window that looked out onto the front lawn, staring but not really seeing as tears streamed down her face.

Hearing Xander’s voice in the front yard, Buffy focused on what is being said. Any distraction to calm her frazzled nerves.

“You actually think you’re gonna score points with Buffy this way?” Xander scoffed.

“This isn’t about Buffy.” Spike said taking a step closer.

“Bull. We’re all hip to your doomed obsession,” Xander replied with contempt dripping from his voice.

I can’t believe Xander and Spike are fighting about flowers. What’s wrong with these two? Buffy thought.

She didn’t think that Spike would do something so cruel as to try and use her mother’s demise in this way, but she wasn’t certain. She’d noticed the changes in him in recent weeks, but that could all be a ploy to get her to let him into her life. How could she be certain of anything?

Willows voice drifted to her and she tried to stop the craziness that continued to loop through her brain so that she could eavesdrop some more.

“Guys? Guys, not here!” Willow demanded.

“Care? Joyce was the only one of the lot of you that I could stand,” Spike said scornfully.

“And she’s the only one with a daughter you wanted to shag. I’m touched,” Xander replied mockingly.

“I liked the lady, understand, monkey boy? She was decent. She didn’t put on airs. She always had a nice cuppa for me. And she never treated me like a freak,” sighed Spike.

“Her mistake,” Xander uttered disdainfully.

“Think what you want,” Spike scoffed as he threw down the flowers and stomped off.

“Unbelievable. The guy thinks he can put on a big show and con Buffy into being his sex monkey,” Xander said.

“Xander, he didn’t leave a card,” Willow stated in a sympathetic tone.

Buffy was stunned by this revelation. Spike hadn’t planned on coming into the house and there was no note with the flowers. He wasn’t trying to get into her bed by playing the sympathy card at all. This was no act, just a simple gesture for her mother.

With this new insight on Spike, Buffy recalled the numerous times she’d come home to find her mother and Spike having cocoa and talking like ordinary friends. Joyce had seen something special in the vampire years before he was chipped.

Maybe he wasn’t the ‘evil thing’ she tried to make him out to be anymore. When had he slipped out of the neat little box she had placed him in? There was good and evil. Black and white. That was the way it was supposed to be…Wasn’t it?

@~@~@~

Spike trudged slowly towards his crypt. Joyce had been like his mum, a kind, caring woman who always had time and a hug for him. The talks on art, Passions, the slayer and the bit he would hold in his heart as cherished memories of a wonderful, loving woman until he was dust.

Tears ran unchecked down his cheeks.. He grieved unashamedly for the woman he considered a maternal figure. She had been the closest thing to family he had since his true vampire family had turned their backs on him.

Stupid Scoobies didn’t even let me know something happened to Joyce. Had to find out from demon girl when I ran into her on the way home. Spike grumbled to himself as he opened his crypt door, walking in and slumping down into his favorite chair.

Was it so inconceivable to them that Joyce meant something to him? Did they really think he was such a fiend as to use her death to get in good with Buffy? They could’ve at least sent Xander to let him know that she’d passed on. Leaving him out of the loop was normal for them, but this was something completely different. How could they be so cruel as to not tell him?

Spike decided to stop thinking of the morons. He needed to do something. Anything that would keep his mind off of his own pain.

Without Joyce to take care of them, he would have to keep a closer eye on Buffy and Dawn. Spike was racking his brain for ideas. No way was he leaving his girls alone to suffer through this. There had to be a way he could help them out financially without rousing Buffy’s suspicions. She would be too proud to accept anything from him and question his motives as well as where the money came from.

Her friends would try everything in their power to make sure she wouldn’t trust him. They may not believe him capable of feeling emotions but his love for the Summers women surpassed all.

He needed to take care of his girls and the only thing he could think of at the moment was to do a short patrol and then watch over the house as they slept. Coming to his feet he quickly grabbed a pint of pig’s blood from the refrigerator and gulped it down. Once that was thrown in the trash he picked up a few weapons. Putting them in his duster pockets, he walked out into the night.

@~@~@~

Buffy went through the downstairs on autopilot, making sure the lights were off and the doors were locked. She’d sat on the living room couch crying softly for some time before coming to the conclusion that she needed to try and rest. Well meaning condolences and heartache would come with the rising sun and without some sleep she was sure she couldn’t make it through the day.

Slowly, she climbed the stairs that lead to her bedroom; the one place she had always considered her private sanctuary. Walking into her room, Buffy realized it now felt as empty as she did.

After retrieving her pajamas from the dresser she turned to shut the bedroom door. As the latch engaged it stung her ears in the dark, still, quiet of the house. The entire house was as cold as the grave without her mother’s love.

Changing into her night clothes, Buffy slid under her sheets and clutched Mr. Gordo to her chest, trying to find some semblance of peace.

As she lay there, her mind drifted to the confrontation between Spike and Xander earlier that evening. She couldn’t help but wonder just how much Spike had changed right under their noses without any of them taking notice.

Even with the many times he had helped them and saved their lives they had continued to keep him in the ‘evil bloodsucker’ column. How far could he have come if they had given him the slightest encouragement? Instead; they’d continued to treat him as badly as any other demon they came up against, with the exception of not killing him.

If she was honest with herself she would have to admit that at times Spike’s antics had made her laugh including his sarcastic mouth. Was there the possibility of friendship with the smirking, vampire? Yes, she decided. If she stopped thinking of him as a bad vampire and started looking at him for the man he was becoming there would be no reason she wouldn’t like hanging around with him.

At least thinking about the new and improved Spike was keeping her from wallowing in despair.

A familiar tingle started building on her neck. She knew he was outside, probably on the roof somewhere as powerful as his signature was becoming. She realized he was there to watch over them and this comforted her more than anything else had in the past two days. A gentle calm washed over her and she slipped into an exhausted sleep.

@~@~@~

Spike listened as Buffy’s heartbeat slowed to an even rhythm that told him that she was finally sleeping. After patrol, the first thing he had done was climb on the roof of the house on Revello Drive and check on his niblet. He was afraid she would be crying herself to sleep and wanted to offer her his support if that was the case. She was actually snoring when he made it to her window and that put him at ease, allowing him to move on to the older Summers sister.

She had just climbed into bed when he arrived at her window so he stayed back not wanting to alert her to his presence. Spike didn’t want to make her angry or more upset than she already was. He only wanted to keep her safe.

When he was certain she wasn’t going to wake, he silently crawled forward to look at his golden goddess. Lying there facing the window she gripped her stuffed pig, holding onto it as if it were her life line. Her brow was furrowed even in her state of rest and he could see the trails on her cheeks that marked where her tears had fallen. It felt as if a vice was clamping down on his non-beating heart to see the evidence of her pain.

Wishing he could hold her in his arms and console her, Spike touched the cool, thin glass that separated them with a deep longing that made him ache in every molecule of his being.

As he sat there watching her chest heave with each intake of breath, he pondered what could be done to take down that Glory bint. He’d come to a somewhat workable decision on the financial issue if he could get Giles to agree to his plan. In all the years he’d walked the earth he’d stashed away a great deal of money and was very shrewd with investing it. He hoped that Giles would see that he only wanted to be there for them anonymously and wasn’t trying to use this for his own personal gain.

Only when he felt the sun’s imminent approach did Spike force himself to climb down and begin his solitary trek home.

Rebuilding the Shattered


Standing somberly beside the fresh grave holding the empty shell that was once her mother, Buffy contemplated how she would make it through this night alone. Sure she had her friends. She had Giles, and of course her sister, but they only made her feel more alone.

In their eyes she was strong and could take on anything without so much as flinching. They wouldn’t be able to understand it if she were to completely break down in front of them. How could she ever explain to the rest of them that with her mother gone so was her hope? She knew she had to keep pushing forward for Dawn but in her heart there was only despair.

Buffy craved someone that would allow her to be who she was. Not just the strong slayer but the girl who had the same weaknesses and needs as everyone else. Even Angel had put her up on a pedestal refusing to see that there was more to her than just a calling.

The air began to cool as the sun drifted down, bringing the darkness she felt within to the world around her. A single tear slipped down her cheek as she felt a cool hand reach out and gently brush her own. Before it could slip out of reach she wrapped her fingers around it and held on tightly.

“Buffy,” Spike whispered awestricken that she welcomed his touch. “I didn’t come here to bother…just wanted to pay my respects is all. Didn’t even know you’d still be here, luv.”

“Sit with me for a while Spike, please?” She requested. “I don’t want to be alone.”

“You sure, pet? Maybe you’d rather be with Red or the bit. I can walk you if you want.” Spike replied.

“No. I want to talk to you, if that’s okay. They love me, but I need to not be with them right now.” She looked at him, pleading with her eyes for him to understand. She needed his fortitude to steady her.

“Whatever you need, I’m here for. Just don’t want you thinkin’ I’m takin’ advantage,” Spike uttered wanting desperately to believe what he saw written on Buffy’s face. Trust.

“I don’t. I know you cared for her and I don’t think you’d use my mom like that,” Buffy answered as she finally moved to sit at the base of the tree that was close by and patted the ground beside her.

A small smile spread across his lips as Buffy’s words sunk in and he took the offered seat next to her. Not across from, but next to. It made his heart swell a little more with love for this beautiful girl. She wanted to be here with him. Not the others. She understood he’d regarded Joyce highly and trusted him to share her sorrow.

“What can I say, pet? Your mum was a great lady. She never once treated me like I didn’t belong. Was always nice talkin’ with her,” he declared.

The moisture pooling in her eyes overflowed upon hearing Spike say this. Her mother was his friend and she had always been a good judge of character. Why was she able to see things in him no one else had? Buffy decided at that moment to look closer and get to know the Spike her mother had known.

Spike hesitantly reached toward her cheek, wanting to wipe the wetness from it. Taking that chance, he brought his slightly shaky hand up to cup her face and used his thumb to clear away the tears. To his astonishment, she leaned into his touch instead of flinching away.

“Wish I could make the pain go away, luv,” Spike spoke tremulously not wanting to move his hand from the warmth of her face. Disbelief still flooded his mind. There was no logical reason that Buffy would suddenly deem him worthy to be sitting here with her, allowing him to offer his sympathy and support as she cried out her anguish.

He was here though, and so far she was accepting of not only his company but the comfort he offered. Sending up a silent prayer to whoever would listen that this wasn’t a dream, he scooted closer, wrapping his arm around her shoulder as she began to sob in earnest.

Buffy felt the powerful arm engulf her and pull her closer to rest her head on his shoulder. This was what she needed. A steady, strong force to keep her from loosing her grip on reality. For the first time since Angelus had appeared years ago, Buffy felt safe and if she was honest with herself, loved.

Over the years she’d built a wall of ice around her heart that kept everyone at bay, even the woman who had loved her with everything she was. She sat with Spike cradling her, weeping not only for her mother, but also for the loneliness of her existence as those icy walls came crashing down. Through it all he simply held her, asking for nothing. Just letting her be.

Spike delicately stroked her hair as he whispered nonsensical words trying to sooth her misery. It was one of the happiest and saddest moments of his unlife. Buffy was in his arms letting him take care of her but it had taken the loss of someone he loved.

Soon he noticed her crying had tapered off leaving slight whimpers in its wake. Looking down at the broken girl he saw that she had fallen into a fitful sleep. Staring at the exquisite perfection of her even in this state of grief he was determined not to awaken her. There was no way he could take Buffy home to her bed since his invite had been revoked. Maybe taking her to the Watcher’s place was the best option, but then again she’d said she didn’t want to be with any of them tonight.

Spike slid her into his lap and slowly stood, cradling her slight weight. He decided to take her to his crypt. He still had the bed that he had shared with Harmony even though he rarely used it. She could sleep there and he would be able to watch over her until she woke.

Bundling her tighter to his chest, Spike heard a sigh escape her lips as she snuggled into him. The creases in her face relaxed and a faint smile spread as he peeked down at her. Realizing how much trust she’d placed in him caused an ecstatic shiver to rush up his spine. He bent placing a soft kiss on her forehead as he strode towards home with his precious angel in his arms.

It took a while to get her settled without waking her, but once certain that she was cozy enough he tucked the bedding around her and kissed her cheek, murmuring goodnight. He walked to the arm chair that was across from the bed, watching over her for what was left of the night.


@~@~@~

Buffy whimpered in her sleep. In her dream her mother’s body was lying on the couch as Buffy slowly approached her. The form was unmoving and very pale, sending a shudder through her limbs. No, not again. Why do I have to do this again? Abruptly Joyce’s eyes shot open and a chilling smile spread the blue tinted lips.

“Why did you leave me alone? If you would’ve been there I would still be alive. You should’ve known better than to leave me so soon after having brain surgery. How could I have raised such a stupid girl?” the corpse that was once Joyce tormented.

“NO! NO! NO!” Buffy screamed closing her eyes and slamming her hands over her ears as she backed away from the horrifying scene before her.

Spike bolted from his chair upon hearing Buffy’s panicked screams of denial. Seeing her thrashing around he was beside her in an instant, sitting down on the edge and running his hand along her arm.

“Buffy, calm down luv. It’s just a dream. Won’t let anything hurt you I promise.” Spike said stroking her skin trying to hush her frenzied words and sooth her jerking movements.

As the noises coming from her diminished and her body became still, Spike stayed by her side continuing his soft caresses.

In Buffy’s dream there was a sudden flash of light and a feeling of warmth and contentment overwhelmed her. She was standing in the middle of a cemetery and Spike stood before her smiling radiantly. Never before had she seen such love glow from within a person. It was as if she was seeing Spike’s essence and it was amazing to behold.

“Whatever you need, I will be here always. Waiting,” he said before his image faded and was replaced by that of her mother.

Joyce was glistening in a flowing gown of white that floated around her ethereal form like fluttering wings.

“Can you see him now, my darling girl? That is the true Spike that hides from the rest of the world. Yes, he is a vampire, but he is also one of the most kind, caring and courageously loyal men to grace this earth. His love for you has truly changed him into a better person and he wants nothing more than to be accepted for what he has become.” The melodious voice glided through the air.

“Mommy? Is it really you?” Buffy whispered, afraid if she spoke too loud it would break this wonderful spell.

“Yes. I love you so much and will be watching over you and Dawn. I have to go now, Buffy, but remember what I have shown you. Spike will save you both. Live and be happy. Goodbye,” Joyce said as her body shimmered, wavering a little before vanishing.

Buffy’s heart rate increased as she became aware of her surroundings. The last thing she remembered was crying as Spike held her and then the nasty dream that turned into something extraordinary. But now she felt silky cool cloth brushing her body as she moved and a soft mattress cradling her. Where was she?

Opening her eyes she was stunned for a moment as what appeared to be a cavern lit in soft candle light came into view. Turning her head to the side she saw an angelic face relaxed in slumber propped up on the headboard of the bed. Spike looked so peaceful she didn’t want to wake him but sitting up couldn’t be a very comfortable way to sleep.

The memory of her mother’s words washed over her and she reached out to touch the beautifully sharp cheek bone that was closest to her. Her fingers ghosted over his pale skin once before she allowed them to caress his cool flesh.

Spike instinctively leaned into the gentle warmth that spread across his face as his eyes slowly drifted open. Seeing Buffy looking at him with such tenderness, he quickly decided it must be one of his dreams. The real Buffy wouldn’t look at him like that. She would rather stake him than touch him.

“Umm,” he purred. “This is one of my better dreams.”

Buffy couldn’t help but smile at that. She knew Spike thought he had feelings for her. Well, actually she could now admit that he did have feelings for her. But to think he dreamed of her like this-- fully dressed and simply stroking his cheek-- caused heat to spread throughout her limbs and a pink hue to tint her face.

“Spike, I’ve got to go soon. I have to get back before Dawn comes home,” Buffy told him, bringing her hand down to lay atop his. “Thank you so much for what you did last night. It meant more to me than I can say.” She hesitated for a moment before blurting out, “Maybe you could come by later? She would really like to see you.”

Spike’s eyes widened finally comprehending that this wasn’t a dream but reality. A very strange reality in which Buffy was being nice to him, lying back in his bed and touching his hand.

“Sure thing, Slayer,” he stammered as he ducked his head shyly, running his free hand through his peroxide locks, confusion being his state of mind at the moment. “I’ll be by after sun down.”

Buffy reluctantly freed her hand from his and hopped up from the bed, looking for her shoes and coat.

“Hey where’d you put my shoes and jacket last night when you took them off?” Buffy pouted.

“Oh, um they’re over by the chair, pet.” He muttered still trying to make sense out of this new friendship he seemed to have with the slayer.

When she started to look for the way out of his underground chamber, Spike’s brain kicked in. Getting up he took her upstairs and walked to the door with her. Leaning up, Buffy kissed his cheek and thanked him once again before slipping out the door and heading home.

Standing in the same place she left him, Spike reverently touched the heated spot her lips had brushed. Joy filled up the empty cold place deep inside him as a look of awe took over his countenance.

@~@~@~

Coming through the door Buffy noticed the house was completely silent. She thought it was good that she’d made it home before Dawn had. A long hot bath was way better than a big drawn out discussion on where she’d been all night.

Buffy went upstairs to her room, grabbing a comfortable pair of jeans and a t-shirt and headed off to the bathroom. While running water into the tub she started to brush her teeth, stopping when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Looking back at her was a woman who suddenly realized the girl she’d been was gone. She was now going to have to be the guardian of a teenager. She was going to have to do the grocery shopping. She was going to have to pay all the bills. She was going to have to make sure Dawn’s homework was done, that she went to bed on time, made it to school, and keep her safe from a hell god.

How had her mother done these things alone? How was she going to do these things alone?

Her breathing became erratic as she began to tremble. Sitting quickly on the closed toilet lid, she started to chant in her head, not alone, not alone. She began to calm slightly when she let her mind fill with her friends and Giles. They would definitely be there to help her. The most comforting thought came with the image of Spike and the way they’d talked and how he’d taken care of her the previous night.

Finally she could see him for the person he was becoming and for the way he loved with his whole being. Remembering his promise that he would always be there, a newfound peace permeated her body, chasing away the nervous shakes.

Slowly she climbed to her feet and stepped into the bath letting it sooth her as she allowed the grief to flow from her in a wave of cleansing tears. Yes it would be the hardest thing she’d ever face to go on without her mother; A continuous struggle. But the people who loved her would make it worth fighting and living for.

Buffy was sitting in the kitchen waiting when she finally heard the front door open and close. She knew she had to talk to Dawn and had been running different things over in her head, wanting to say the right thing to her sister.

As Dawn walked into the room Buffy looked up and gave her a small smile. “Hey Dawnie, can we talk?”

“I guess,” Dawn mumbled brokenly.

“I know I’m not mom and I never will be able to do all the stuff she did. But I’ll try hard everyday to show you how much I love you and be the best sister I can be. You mean so much to me, Dawn, and I want to make sure you know that, like mom always made sure we knew how much she loved us,” Buffy’s voice quavered as tears flowed from her eyes.

Sobbing, Dawn allowed herself to be engulfed in a hug. She was slightly shocked that her normally hard as nails sister was attempting to allay her fears and be everything she needed right now.

“I love you too, Buffy. You’re the best sister anyone could have,” Dawn told her, pulling back after the crying subsided.

“Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. Spike is going to stop by tonight. I told him you’d really like to see him. Maybe we should get some take out and some movies. You know; try to relax a little,” Buffy said enthusiastically.

“Okay, who are you and what have you done with my sister?” Dawn demanded with playful suspicion.

“Funny Dawn,” Buffy groused, rolling her eyes. “Look, I just figured you’d want to see him. Spike has been working hard, fighting on our side and being a good friend to mom. He deserves a chance to relax.”

“Whatever you say. I’m just happy that he’s coming over. Let’s go find some movies and decide what we want to get for supper tonight.” Talking to Buffy made some of the hurt go away and a night with her and Spike sounded really good.

The two girls looped their arms together as they stepped out into the sun in search of good entertainment and food. No, they wouldn’t be defeated by their loss. They still had one another to turn to.

@~@~@~

Giles sat in his living room contemplating what he could do to help out Buffy and Dawn. He knew their father didn’t care enough to show up to the funeral or to take care of his daughters, even though Buffy had tried to make excuses for his behavior for Dawn’s sake. The way he saw it, they were his family and he would look after them.

Suddenly his front door burst open and a smoking Spike came running in, slapping at the smoldering flesh the blanket hadn’t covered.

“What in the bloody hell is so important that you couldn’t wait until dark and knock on my door to speak to me?” Giles complained, hoping it had nothing to do with Glory. Buffy desperately needed a few days to let her emotions settle before an attack.

“Sorry, Watcher. I need to talk to you about the slayer and lil’ bit.” Spike explained throwing the blanket over the back of the couch and sitting down so they could talk.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen to one of them?” Giles began to panic.

“No, they’re fine. I’m headed over there to check on them after I leave here.” Spike twisted his hands nervously in front of him. “What I wanted to talk to you about is… I think I’ve thought of a way to take care the girls without them findin’ out. I know Buffy’s pride wouldn’t let her take anythin’ from me and she’d question where it came from. If there was a way to set it up like it was coming from their father, it might work,” Spike blurted out his plan, wanting to get this over with. He was afraid Giles might not listen to him and then what would he do?

“What are you talking about? You’ve been getting most of your money from us or by playing pool and poker. Where would you come up with enough money to help them?” Giles said beginning to feel like there was a lot the vampire had been hiding from them when it came to his financial situation.

“Gettin’ money off you and the whelp was just a way to get my jollies Rupes. Sorry ‘bout that but I’m loaded mate.”

“You mean to tell me you didn’t need that money! The only reason I didn’t force you to do what we wanted was because I thought you needed it,” Giles yelled, interrupting and getting angry that Spike had played him so well.

“Look, we don’t have time for this now. I just want to know if you’ll help me set up an account that will give Dawn and Buffy a monthly allowance to pay their bills and take care of everything they might need. I want it to look like it came from their da. I also want to pay the house off immediately. So will you do it?” Spike asked, a hopeful look shining in his eyes that Giles couldn’t ignore.

At least this would be good for Buffy and Dawn and they wouldn’t know that it was coming from Spike. It just might work out nicely in fact. Giles thought.

“Okay Spike, I’ll assist you in setting everything up. Just know that I won’t allow you to try and use this later down the road to get to Buffy. Understand?” Giles questioned wanting to make it perfectly clear to him.

“If I was going to use it, I sure as hell wouldn’t be askin’ for your help. I gotta go. I’m gonna make a few more stops and get all the information you need so we can transfer the money. You get working on the account and finding out about the mortgage. Let me know when you’ve got everythin’ ready.” Spike said as he reached for his blanket throwing it over his head and going to the door.

“I’ll come by your crypt as soon as this is all in place. Goodbye Spike.” Giles said wondering if the vampire had changed so much that he truly wanted to support the girls and gain nothing from it.

Spike ran out into the waning sunlight. Leaping down into the sewer access, he headed towards Willies so he could make a phone call to his bank.

@~@~@~

Up in her room Buffy was changing for the third time while Dawn just stood with a slight smile, amusement dancing in her eyes. For the moment she was happy. Not bouncing around, giggly happy but not as sad as before the talk with her sister.

Buffy was acting like she had a date and knowing that is was Spike making her act all girly had Dawn content. She liked Spike and if her sister was becoming interested, even though she claimed it was just giving him a second chance at being friends, that was one of the best things she could think of happening. Well except her mother being alive. That would be the best.

“Stop with all the fussing already. It’s not like this is a date, right,” Dawn snarked, with a smirk that was eerily similar to the bleached blonde that had Buffy so flustered.

She wasn’t trying to make it into any kind of relationship other than being friends, but even as she told herself that she still couldn’t stop worrying what he would think of her outfit.

Deciding that her annoying little sister was right, Buffy finally settled on a pair of faded jeans and a green v-neck t-shirt It wasn’t a date; it was just hanging out and that didn’t mean she had to have on the perfect clothes.

Hearing a knock at the door, Dawn bounded down the stairs flinging it open. Spike was standing there looking down at his boots. He was lost in contemplation, still a little gobsmacked that Buffy had asked him to come over.

“Hey Spike,” Dawn smiled brightly. “You gonna come in or are you too fascinated with your feet?” As she spoke the words the invisible barrier that was placed there just a few weeks earlier lifted allowing him back into their lives.

Spike’s head shot up when her voice brought him out of his deliberations. Stepping across the threshold he looked Dawn in the eye, trying to gage her emotions. Her eyes had a light to them he hadn’t expected to see on her for a long time to come but behind that he could still see the grieving girl.

“How ya doin’ Nibblet?” Spike asked trying to sound normal, not wanting her to know how much he worried about her. He was the big bad after all and it wouldn’t do to let his last refuge from rejection drop.

Dawn saw straight through his façade and wrapped her arms around him, hanging onto the quiet peacefulness his presence brought. Hesitantly Spike hugged her to him; still afraid he would do or say the wrong thing and the Summers girls would push him back out into the cold alone.

“I’m doing okay. Me and Buffy talked a lot today and it helped,” Dawn told him.

“Where’s big sis at anyway?” he asked. Maybe she wasn’t planning on being here when he came by, but then again she wouldn’t leave Dawn at the house by herself.

“Buffy,” Dawn yelled. “Spike’s here so get your butt down here.”

“I’m coming,” Buffy hollered back. The sudden nervousness she felt was making her voice sound a little shaky.

God Buffy it’s just Spike. You know… new friend, nothing to get crazy over. But even as she told herself this she heard her mother’s voice just as she had in the dream.

Okay, stop thinking about it and just get down there.

When Buffy made it to the kitchen she found Spike and Dawn chatting about one of Dawn’s friends as they ate the spicy wings. Spike raised his eyes to meet hers and the storm that had been her thoughts cleared leaving the crystal blue of his gaze.

“Sorry we started without ya, pet. Bit was whinin’ ‘bout bein’ hungry,” Spike apologized sheepishly, looking like a timid boy.

“It’s cool. I’m just glad my pig of a sister didn’t gobble it all up already.” Buffy quipped, beaming at the two sitting there with wing sauce smeared on their faces.

“Hey you’re just as much a pig as I am!” Dawn interjected giving Buffy her best ‘how dare you’ glare.

As the night went on they talked, ate, and watched movies. They even laughed some. Buffy couldn’t remember the last time she’d had such an untroubled evening.

Sitting on the couch with Spike between her and Dawn, Buffy’s eyes started to get heavy. Her sister having already succumbed to sleep soon after the movie began. The strain of the last couple of days took its toll as exhaustion seeped through her weary body and her eyes drifted shut.

Spike thought this must be heaven sitting here with his two favorite girls in the universe as they both leaned against him, sleeping. He knew he’d have to wake them soon and send them off to bed. But for a few moments he could bask in their warmth and the trust that they showed resting in the presence of a supposedly evil bloodsucker.

Hope sprung forth, ripping through him with a force. Real hope that he could be a part of their world. Something he hadn’t had for a long while.

Finally, he shifted a bit and moved Buffy to lean on the arm of the couch. He lifted Dawn up slowly so as not to wake her and carried her to her room. Getting the sheet moved, he laid her down and covered her up, placing a kiss on her forehead.

Once back down stairs, he picked Buffy up in the same manner and proceeded to take her up to bed. She automatically curled into his cool body and placed her hand on his hard chest, mumbling unintelligibly.

Buffy groaned in protest when his arms left her as he placed her on her soft bed. Opening her eyes at the loss, she looked up to see Spike’s hands reaching for her foot.

“Thanks, Spike, but you didn’t have to carry me to bed, you know. You could’ve just woken me up,” Buffy whispered drowsily.

“Didn’t wanna wake you or Dawn. Thought you both needed the rest,” Spike replied quietly. Buffy continued to surprise him with the kindness of her words and actions in the past twenty four hours.

After removing her shoes he pulled her blankets over her. Taking a chance that she wouldn’t punch him in the nose he leaned down and kissed her cheek.

“Night, luv,” he whispered, his breath caressing her skin.

“Night, Spike,” she answered before she dozed off again.

I thought I would let everyone know since I completely forgot to put this at the first of the fic. This is a short love story only consisting of four parts total. There is only one part left after this. Thanks for all of the reviews I absolutely love them. They make me feel all tingly.
@~@~@~

Fear and Preparation

A week had passed since Spike had spent the evening with them. Buffy made it a point to ask him to come by each day before patrol to see Dawn. She was starting to count on Spike more and more. The black despair that had filled her upon her mother’s death receded a little more each day and she knew it was the same for her sister. He fit so easily into their lives, making them laugh or holding them as they cried. He was slowly making them whole again.

Aside from the day to day stress of suddenly being responsible for a teenager, her biggest obstacle had been their financial situation. She tried to hide her worries from the others, but every once in a while she would catch Spike watching her with speculative eyes.

All of that changed the afternoon Buffy found a letter from her father’s lawyer in the mailbox. She was certain that it couldn’t be anything good if it was from his lawyer, but when they finally opened it, it was the answer to Buffy’s prayers.

There was an account set up for them at Sunnydale Bank into which three thousand dollars a month would be placed. More than enough to take care of all monthly expenses for the girls. The mortgage on the house was completely paid for, and the deed to the house was in with the account information. It informed them that their father was out of the country at the moment, but wanted to make sure they were financially fixed. Everything glowed with new found hope for what lay ahead for the two of them.

Just as things started going smoothly and the Scoobies began to accept Spike as one of them, Glory reared her ugly head, sending her scabby little minions to follow Buffy.

Spike was coming around the side yard towards the front of the house when his vampiric hearing caught part of the girls conversation coming from inside. He slowed down, not wanting to interrupt when he discerned they were talking about Dawn’s status as the key.

He heard snickering coming from the bushes in front of the living room window and stealthily crept forward, intent on capturing whoever was spying on his girls. He quickly latched onto the grubby little troll’s robe and yanked him up, calling for Buffy to get her ‘arse’ outside.

Hearing Spike’s thundering demand; Buffy flew out the door. Something had to be seriously wrong for him to sound enraged and scared at the same time. Seeing him in game face holding the disgusting demon by the throat evoked a crippling fear.

“Slayer, I caught this nasty bugger listenin’ in on you and bite size. He knows,” Spike stated as fury flashed in his amber eyes. He was going to enjoy ripping this one to shreds.

“Please let me go. I promise I won’t tell my most perfectly glowing mistress Glorificus anything,” the demon begged.

“Snap his neck, Spike. He won’t tell us where to find Glory and there’s no way we’re giving him the chance to let her know what he heard tonight,” Buffy snarled.

“Sure thing, Slayer,” Spike growled. He grabbed the demon’s head and twisted until the satisfying crack signaled the deed was done.

“What should we do with the body, luv? Just dump it in the cemetery, or do ya want me to bury it?” Spike asked. Relief that the immediate threat was gone flooded his system, but he knew that killing one of the little beasts wasn’t enough. Glory would just send more.

He was desperate to keep them safe and the best thing he could come up with was to do a familial bond.

“Maybe we should leave him somewhere so that Glory or her followers can find him. Show her that sending him to stalk me didn’t work,” Buffy replied. There was no way she was going to cower from a lopsided-assed hell god.

“Sounds great, pet, but after we dump him, I need to talk to you. It’s important.” He hoped against hope that she would at least hear him out and think on it before shooting his idea down.


“Okay, but let me run in and call Willow to stay with Dawn while we get rid of that stinking thing.” Buffy was beginning to wonder what would have him sounding so rattled. His voice was shaky and he was pacing nervously.

Quickly, she went in and called Willow. While waiting on the red haired witch, she told Dawn what was going on and let her know that they would be back soon. When Willow got there, she explained the situation and left instructions to say nothing incriminating while they were gone.

Once Spike and Buffy finished their mission, she followed him back to his crypt. He seemed completely lost in his own thoughts and it was making Buffy a little nervous. Spike was usually unable to keep his mouth shut when they were alone together, but whatever was on his mind tonight had him quite as the grave and it was spooking her.

Arriving at their destination, his Victorian gentleman came to the surface as he opened the heavy wooden door and waited for her to step in before he closed it behind them.

“Take the comfy chair, luv. What I’ve gotta say isn’t gonna be somethin’ you’ll wanna listen to, but I’m askin’ ya to please hear me out before ya start to yell. Promise me,” Spike uttered with more than a little trepidation in his voice.

“I promise to listen to whatever you have to say, but if it’s as bad as you’re acting I might yell afterwards,” Buffy said trying to lighten the mood.

“Buffy, honestly all I want is to keep you and bit safe. Seeing that ugly bag of pus listenin' in on the two of you scared me. What if I hadn’t come along? He coulda gotten away and told that frizzy haired bint everythin’. What if I’m not around when she sends the next one, or if she comes herself? It would kill me to get there and find one or both of you gone.” Spike sighed trying to bring himself to tell her what he wanted to do. She was probably going to stake him just for suggesting it.

“I know a way I can tell where you and Dawn are all the time and if you’re alright. It involves a vampiric ritual. I know you don’t like to be reminded of my demon, pet, but I think this is the best thing I can offer,” he declared pausing to see if she was going to explode at him.

“And what is the ritual? You going to tell me or leave me hanging here?” Buffy questioned not sure what he was trying to say but not so worried anymore either.

“Well…um…I’d kinda hafta bite you and the niblet. It’s a familial bond. I’ll know if you’re okay and where you’re at, ‘cause it would give me a connection to you. You’d both be able to feel me, too. If something happened I’d feel it right off and be able to gather the troops and ride to the rescue,” Spike blazed through, trying to get it out before he lost his nerve.

“Is that all? You really had me freaked there for a minute. I thought it was something really terrible,” Buffy scoffed. She knew any ritual of the vampire nature would involve some sort of blood letting so it wasn’t a shock to her to hear about the biting.

“Did ya hear everythin’ I just said? There’s biting. My fangs in your neck or wrist. Have you gone bloody well daft on me? I thought you’d be rippin’ my head off for just askin’ ya.” Agitatedly Spike began to pace. Buffy had been confusing the hell out of him at every turn for the last week, but this really took the cake.

“No I haven’t gone ‘bloody daft’ as you put it. If this will help I don’t see any problem. You’re my friend, Spike, and I trust you when you say that you need to do this to help me and my sister,” she replied calmly trying not to laugh at the stunned look on his face. He really hadn’t known she trusted him. Well maybe he would now.

“Not done yet, luv. There’s a bit more to it than me stickin’ my fangs in you and bite size. You’ll hafta take a sip of my blood as well. That’s what bonds us together. There’s only a few words that hafta be said, but the main thing is the exchange of blood. This is a forever kinda deal, not just somethin’ that goes away after a few weeks. If we do this, you two will be stuck with me bein’ able to feel you as well as you feelin’ me until death. Now, tell me what ya think.” Spike was sure she wouldn’t agree to it. She hadn’t been worried about the bite but to have to ingest vamp blood; that would be impossible for her to say yes to.

Buffy thought it over. She really didn’t see what he’d been so worked up about earlier. She was the slayer, after all, and knew a few things about vampires. All aspects of life- or unlife- were about blood. Blood warmed, fed and kept your body alive for the living as well as the undead. Humans may not drink blood to survive like vamps, but it carried nourishment to the different parts of the body. So yes, it fed humans as well. The only thing that gave her pause was him feeling everything that she felt. Would he know what she was thinking?

“Spike, I think if this will keep my sister alive and away from that skanky bitch, we should do it. I do have a couple of questions, though. When you say you’ll be able to feel us what all does that really mean? Will you know what we’re thinking or is it more like you get a sense of our emotions?” Buffy asked.

Spike gaped at her, his mouth doing a cute fish impersonation. Did she just say she thought they should do it?

“Are you going to answer me?” she challenged, knowing full well she’d shocked him senseless.

“Wh…what was the question again, pet?” Spike stuttered.

“Will you know what we’re thinking, or will it just be our emotions you feel?” Buffy asked slowly as if she were speaking to a small child.


“Won’t know what you’re thinkin’ unless you focus solely on me, callin’ out to me in your head. Then I’ll be able to understand your thoughts. Most of the time I’ll just feel if your happy, sad, scared or what all,” he confessed. She wanted to do this. She really wanted to do this.

“Sounds good to me. So when do you wanna do this thing? I’m thinking the sooner the better.” Buffy grinned. He still looked so dazed by her reactions to what he’d asked and she thought it was the most adorable she had ever seen him.

“How bout we go talk to lil’ bit and we can do it whenever you’re both ready. Like you said the sooner the better.” Spike answered trying to keep himself from pouncing on her and covering her with loving kisses. She was a goddess and falling in love with such a beautiful heart was the best thing he’d ever done. Damn but he was turning into a ponce.

@~@~@~

Willow and Dawn sat in the middle of the living room floor playing scrabble. Willow still couldn’t believe how well Dawn was fairing since the funeral. She talked about school and boys almost as much as she had before Joyce died. There was sadness when she mentioned her mother, but she’d been able to do that without bursting into tears and it surprised Willow how well her and Buffy were making the best of this horrid time.

She had to admit that Spike seemed to be the best thing for the two girls. He hadn’t tried to get anything from Buffy as far as any of them could tell, only patrolling and being at the Scooby meetings trying to offer whatever help he could, and doing homework with Dawn. This of course made Willow feel as if she’d been plopped down in the middle of the twilight zone. Who knew cocky, swaggering Spike had such a brain hiding under all that bleach and leather?

The front door opened and closed as two sets of boots thudded across the floor signaling the blonde couples return. Dawn already had a smile blossoming across her face for her sister and the vampire she’d come to love and look up to as a brother.

“Hey Dawnie, Willow. It’s all taken care of. No more scabby minions tonight.” Buffy stated. “Thanks for taking care of her while I was gone, Wills.”

“Sure thing, Buff. We had fun just hanging out and I found out all about the cutest boy in school, Nicholas,” laughed Willow as Dawn tried to glare a hole through her. “I gotta run. Tara is waiting for me. See you guys later.”

As soon as Willow left the house, Dawn pounced, wanting to know the details after Spike and Buffy left with ‘dead demon remains’. Buffy pulled her up off the floor to sit beside her on the couch and Spike took a seat on the coffee table facing them. He was getting all jittery again just knowing what he was about to say would have Dawn crinkling up her face in that teenage ‘ewww’ gesture.

Taking the hand her sister didn’t already have hold of, Spike timidly began, “Me and your big sis were sussin’ out a few things that we need your opinion on.”

“Oh. Oh! You’ve finally decided to quit looking all mushy like at each other and start making with the smoochies?” Dawn squealed excitedly.

“What the bloody hell are you on, lil’ bit.” Spike shouted, embarrassed and worried that reminding Buffy of his undying love would cause her to shut him out again.

“So not doing the couple-y thing, then. Damn. Well, a girl can hope.” Dawn smiled wickedly at the pair. She knew it wouldn’t be much longer and they’d be all over each other.

“This is important, so stop with your yammerin’ and listen for a change,” Spike scolded. If he could blush he knew he’d be bright red by now.

Buffy on the other hand was highly amused by her sister’s antics and was trying really hard not to bust up laughing at the pointed looks and strangled voice coming from Spike.

“Can we get back to what Spike is trying to say?” Buffy asked wanting to rescue Spike from any further taunting her sister had planned. She was sure his head was going to pop if Dawn kept going.

Dawn adopted a docile look and sat quietly as Spike got himself back under control. He started explaining everything to her as he had with Buffy and then waited for the worst to happen.

“That is soooo cool! I bet it won’t even hurt. Spike’s gonna be my big brother!” Dawn shrieked, jumping around the room. This was as good as it would’ve been if they’d told her they were dating.

“Bollocks! You bleedin’ Summers women are complete nutters. Can’t figure you out at all. You’re just muddlin’ up my head. Don’t know which ways up anymore,” Spike grossed.

When Dawn’s joyous celebration of her new family to be was once again in hand, Spike explained that he would like to give them until the following evening so they could read up on the ritual and completely understand what they were getting themselves into. He would’ve given them longer for research but knowing that Glory was out there scheming to hurt his girls took away precious time for decision making.

It was getting late when their discussion finally came to an end and Dawn skipped up the stairs for the night feeling more secure and loved then when the evening had begun. She knew Spike would do everything in his power to take care of them and the bonding would prove to Buffy how big Spike’s heart truly was. In her mind destroying the hell god was the only outcome now that he would be tied to them by blood. They were stronger together. The past week had shown them that, and being a family would make them invincible.

Spike stood, grabbing his duster and slinging it over his shoulders. He could see the tiredness lurking in the slayers eyes and the way her body sagged lethargically against the cushions of the couch.

“I guess I’ll be off for the night. You lock up right after I leave and try to get some rest, luv,” he said softly, not wanting to break the peace that had settled over the house.

“Spike, can I ask you a favor?” Buffy mumbled, biting on her lower lip. A sliver of fear remained that Glory would send someone else tonight and she really didn’t want him to leave.

“Anything, pet. You know that,” Spike told her, wondering what had her worrying again.

“Could you stay here tonight? I know its asking a lot, but I would feel safer with both of us here in case Glory tries something else. After what happened earlier, I’m a little on edge.” Buffy felt silly that she’d asked and worried that he’d say no at the same time.

“You bet. I’ll just stay here on the couch and watch TV while you get some kip, then I can take the sewers back to my crypt in the morning and sleep,” he drawled smirking just a bit, feeling elated and putting some of the old swagger back in the big bad.

“You can stay in the basement or on the couch or where ever you want after you wake me to take over watch in the morning. You don’t have to go back to your crypt just to get some rest. I’m sure I can keep Dawn quiet.” She knew she was rambling but just couldn’t seem to stop herself. The more time she spent with him, the more she seemed to become a fidgety teenage girl again.


Spike couldn’t stop smiling. Standing there sounding like a flustered little girl was the woman he loved and she was telling him she wanted him to stay and protect her and her sister. He could hear her heart beat racing in her chest and see the flush that had crept up her body and through her cheeks. Maybe there was a chance for him after all.

“That’ll be perfect, luv,” he whispered huskily near her ear, noticing the slight shiver and goose bumps that spread across her golden skin. Oh ho! He was definitely having an affect on her. To think tomorrow night he would taste her sweet blood and have her bound to him for life. This could be a huge step in his favor. She’d know how much he felt for her then and there would be no way she could deny it.

Stepping back from her he slinked over to the arm chair and sat down turning the TV on as if nothing had happened. He knew pushing her was not the way to go but maybe a few softly spoken words sending puffs of breath into her ear and across her cheek could help.

Stunned by the swirling heat Spike had caused in the pit of her stomach, a dazed Buffy said goodnight and walked up to her room. The feelings he’d begun to evoke in her were coming to a head. There was no mistaking the flames of desire he had lit in her with just a few words. He’d been standing so close his breath had stirred the fine hairs on her neck, sending a sudden ache throughout her body but she knew she couldn’t do anything about it.

It wasn’t because he was a vampire, or that she thought him unworthy. She was afraid of acting on her desires in too soon and decimating his heart. He loved her with his whole being and the only way she would go into a relationship with him is if she was positive she could someday return his feelings.

Relaxing into her comfy bed, Buffy soon drifted into a peaceful but dream-filled sleep, knowing that Spike was downstairs keeping a watchful eye on the house.

What seemed like only minutes after she closed her eyes, she opened them to the image of her mother beaming down on her angelically. The serene peace the ethereal form brought engulfed her, wrapping her in the motherly love she’d been missing.

“Mom, you came back. I missed you so much,” Buffy cried softly.

“Sweetie, I’ve been watching over you just as I promised and I’m so proud of the things you’re doing for your sister and the way you’ve been letting your heart open up to her and Spike. They both need you so very much,” Joyce told her moving around the bed to sit and hold Buffy close for the short time she’d be allowed to spend with her.

“I know you’re here for a reason and you’ll have to leave soon, but I wish you could stay,” Buffy whimpered into her mother’s shoulder.

“I won’t get to be here often, but from now on whenever the powers have a message for you I’ll be the one delivering it. I had to talk them into it and you know how persuasive I can be,” Joyce said stroking her eldest daughter’s hair gently.

“Oh yeah, I think you may have a little slayer in you too.” Buffy squeezed her a little tighter. “I’m ready for whatever you’ve got to tell me.”

“I just need you to listen to your heart and when it comes to our vampire friend he will be the one to stop that awful hell god. With all the council rhetoric drilled into you, I wanted you to know that he’ll do what is right. If you don’t let him, things will go wrong and you’ll leave Dawnie and him alone and grieving again. Do what you feel and not what you’ve been taught to believe by those stupid men in suits that have never been warriors themselves. They really don’t know much about the demons they expect you to kill.” Joyce sighed. Her time was up but she knew her girls would be just fine.

“You have to go, don’t you?” Buffy sniffled knowing there wasn’t any more time for them to spend together.

“Yes, but I’ll always be with you, and from time to time I’ll get to pop in when it is needed. I love you, honey and keep taking care of them for me.” She whispered getting to her feet just as her form started to fade blinking softly into nothing but the darkness of Buffy’s room.

“I love you to, mom,” Buffy breathed to the now empty room.


@~@~@~

The day progressed slowly as Buffy and Dawn read everything Giles had on vampire familial bonding. Giles was actually going through the books with them. When they’d first showed up and told him what they needed to look up, he’d gone around the bend, screaming about the insanity of what they were considering.

Buffy explained to him that she was doing it whether he liked it or not, and the only reason they were here reading about it was at Spike’s insistence. Eventually he’d calmed down enough to listen to everything she had to say about her talk with Spike as well as her visit from her mother.


Giles was astonished by the things she told him and more so when he realized Dawn already knew about it as well. Buffy’s way of keeping her sister out of the loop had changed and from what he saw it was for the better.

After having lunch with him, the girls stood to leave. Hugging Giles goodbye, they left to go home. They wanted to make sure there would be no disturbances from any of their friends during the bonding. Both believed they’d done more than enough research and it hadn’t changed either of their minds. Spike had given them all the pertinent information, leaving out nothing.


After calling everyone and making sure no one would be showing up or calling the house they, were trying to decide where the best place to do the ritual would be. From their research, they knew there wouldn’t be any drain on their bodies; as a matter of fact there would be an influx of power passing through each of them as the connection took hold.

Spike had told them that he would use a knife to make a cut on himself for them to take the necessary sip of his blood. During their talk after Dawn went to bed, she had told him that she could bite him and there was no need for a knife, but he adamantly refused. After pestering him for twenty minutes about it, he finally broke and said that he didn’t think he could control his reaction if Buffy’s teeth pierced his skin.

Dawn came up with the idea of using Joyce’s bedroom, thinking that something as meaningful and precious as the familial bond was meant to be, it was only fitting to do it there. Buffy readily agreed and they went upstairs to make sure the room was dusted and cleaned. Almost finished with this last task, they heard a grumbled ‘bloody hell’ come from the kitchen and what sounded like the broom clattering to the floor.

“Oops, I forgot to put that back in the pantry,” Dawn giggled. She’d swept the floor earlier and left the broom leaning on the door jamb to the basement.

“We’re finished up here for now. Let’s go down and figure out what to eat for supper so we can get cleaned up before getting turned into Spike’s family,” Buffy said stifling her laughter as she imagined the broom smacking Spike in the head as he walked into the kitchen.

“Okie dokies,” Dawn replied.

The three of them sat eating, if you could call it that. Buffy and Dawn were scarfing down pasta salad like they were a couple of starving animals and Spike stared, amazed at the amount of food they could ingest in one sitting, as he sipped on a mug of warm blood. With full stomachs, the girls cleared the mess away and Spike washed the dishes while they went to take quick showers.

When everyone was ready, Spike nervously led them up to Joyce’s bedroom, getting them positioned in a circle on the bed. He was still a little shocked that the girls had chosen this room and at the same time his heart swelled to new proportions with his constantly growing love for them.

“Niblet, you’re just gonna feel a pinch, I promise. You both remember the words?” Spike questioned. He’d thought a lot about this since they accepted and had decided to bite their wrists. Biting Buffy’s neck would’ve been too intimate and only serve to remind him what he really wanted was to claim her as a mate.

“We know what to say. Stop stalling and get on with it,” Buffy gibed but the smile on her face and in her eyes told him she was joking with him.

He took Dawn’s hand in his, giving her a wink before leaning down and sucking the blood to the surface. His face changed and he shallowly bit down, taking just enough of her blood for the claim to take effect. Removing his teeth from her arm he licked the mark closed and made a cut in his wrist bringing it up to her.

Dawn held his arm to her mouth and sucked in a mouthful of his blood as she listened to him recite the magical words.

“Blood I take from you and blood gifted to you, family I do bestow upon you,” Spike intoned, happy that his bit was really becoming part of his family.

“I freely partake of this gift of family,” Dawn recited what he had taught her with a grin on her face and felt a sudden flood of joy coming from her new brother.

“This is just neat, Spike! And it didn’t hurt at all,” She told him knowing he could probably feel how thrilled and happy she was at being part of him.

“Glad you approve, lil’ sis,” Spike said as he turned towards Buffy taking a breath to calm himself.

Spike reached his shaking hand towards hers and Buffy eagerly grasped it, squeezing reassuringly. Brining her wrist to his lips, he kept his eyes focused in hers as he allowed his tongue a small taste of her soft skin. Gently he suckled on her offered flesh to bring the blood to the surface as his human mask shifted, bringing forth the ridged countenance of his demon.

Slipping his fangs slowly into her pliable skin, he couldn’t stop the moan that escaped as her essence spilled into his awaiting mouth.

Buffy’s body betrayed her at the first touch of his tongue. Heat spread to every appendage and her eyes glazed over. A sudden flood of moisture gushed from her core and a lustful mewl sighed through her parted lips when his teeth penetrated the barrier of her skin. She unknowingly rubbed her cheek against his soft hair as a rumbling purr came from the vampire contentedly sipping from her.

After taking the tiniest pulls of blood his fervent craving for her would allow, he released her wrist; reverently licking the wound closed as he reopened his own wrist and held it to her mouth.

As he closed his marks, Buffy unconsciously moved closer to his side, needing his nearness while eyeing the seeping slit in his own wrist. Taking his offering, she sensually licked his wound before placing her lips around it and leaning into him as much as she could manage. She’d never tasted anything like him before, coppery and sweet sliding over her tongue.

Panting harshly, fighting his desire to throw her back on the bed and rip the clothes from her body, Spike’s voice shook as he began speaking the words to bind them. “Blood I take from you and blood gifted to you, family I do bestow upon you.”

Realizing it was her turn to speak Buffy reluctantly raised her mouth from his delicious flesh and breathily whispered, “I freely partake of this gift of family.”

“Damn, that was hot!” Dawn exclaimed. Oh yeah they were going to crack real soon and she hoped she was out of the house when it happened. She was sure they’d be loud enough to rupture her ear drums.

“Dawn! Watch your language!” Buffy cried, blushing profusely. If Dawn hadn’t made them remember she was in the room, Buffy knew she would’ve been straddling the sexy vamp by now.

Dazedly, Spike gazed at his beautiful slayer. He could smell her arousal hanging thick in the air and feel her lust coursing through his being. His body was shaking, both with the force of her wanting and the control he was exerting to keep his demon from taking her here and now.

“Spike. Hey! Spike, you okay in there?” Dawn asked waving her hand in front of his face. The small growling whimper coming from him and the fierce control he was using coming through the new bond had the girls a little worried that something had gone wrong.

Hearing Dawn’s voice and feeling her concern brought him back from the edge. Damn, his dick was being strangled by the rough denim of his jeans. Grabbing quickly for a pillow, he covered his obvious bulge to keep his bit from seeing something she didn’t need to.

“Sorry, bite size. Was just caught up in the intensity of the new emotions I was getting.” Spike smirked, teasingly leering in Buffy’s direction and causing her to turn an even brighter red. Knowing what his bite did to her brought out the smug big bad that he’d been keeping in check the last couple of weeks.

“Come on, Dawnie, you need to get your homework done and get to bed. You have school in the morning.” Buffy got up and started making her way to the door, pulling Dawn behind her and shoving her out the open doorway. She glanced knowingly back at the pillow Spike still held firmly in his lap.

“You can have mom’s room,” she whispered looking him in the eye before closing the door and walking to her own room. Now that she was able to feel the depth of his emotions, there was no denying how much he loved them, or that she was starting to feel something for him in return.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


@~@~@~

New Life

4 Weeks Later

The calm over the Summer’s household broke as Spike grabbed Dawn’s shirt collar and dragged her back through her bedroom window.

“And where do you think you’re going?” he sneered.

“Stupid bond. Can’t even sneak out like the rest of the kids anymore,” Dawn grumbled. It wasn’t like she had a hell god after her now, so what was the harm in hanging out with her friends and going to see the late movie playing in town?

“Come on, Spike,” she whined. “Buffy wouldn’t let me go see Moulin Rouge with everybody. All my friends are going, so why can’t I?” Dawn pouted trying to use her puppy dog eyes. That usually got him to do whatever she wanted.

“Who wants to see a bunch of poofter's prancin’ around singin’ about their love life? That pout ain’t gonna work on me this time, bit. If I give in on this, big sis would have my head,” Spike told her with a grin.

“Fine! Spoil my fun and make me more of a dork to them than I already am. Could you just leave me alone now?” she huffed flinging herself down on her bed.

“You’re just pissed that you got caught.” Spike taunted. He barely escaped the flurry of stuffed animals she flung at his head, along with several inventive curses that would have had Buffy scrambling to wash her mouth out.

He chuckled at her antics as he went back downstairs to watch a little more telly before calling it a night. Buffy was already sleeping peacefully in her bed, having let Spike do her patrol so that she could get the rest she’d missed the last few weeks.

Their small family was content and Spike couldn’t be happier. He lived at the house with them now, taking Joyce’s room at their insistence. He could feel how much they both cared for him through the bond. Buffy was opening up a little more each day and they’d even gone out together, sometimes sharing tender touches and sweet kisses that had him close to making a mess of his pants.

Sitting alone in front of the television, he thought about their first real kiss. One that hadn’t been influenced by magical means. Just a chaste brush of her lips against his, but it had sent a shock of electrical sparks through every inch of his body.

They’d found out from some crazed knights that Glory was trapped inside the body of a human. The only way to kill her was by killing him. With this knowledge Spike had followed one of her minions back to a posh apartment building and came up with a plan. He knew Buffy wouldn’t be able to kill the human, but he could and was sure that his chip wouldn’t fire. If there was a hell god residing inside of the host, the chip wouldn’t register it as human.

Once he’d decided what to do, he revealed his plan to Buffy. He was more than a little afraid that she would hate him for killing a supposed innocent, even though it was the only way to stop the chit from trying to find Dawn. Even if she hadn’t agreed, he’d of done it anyway. He had to keep his family safe.

Instead of punching him in the nose and telling him how evil he was she’d told him she trusted him. As he went to leave that night to watch the apartment, she’d given him the kiss. It was a kiss of new beginnings and when he looked into her sparkling hazel eyes, he knew she had feelings for him, feelings she hadn’t admitted to herself yet.

He’d waited watching the building with the eyes of a predator. Finally there was movement and the intern Spike had seen several times during Joyce’s illness walked out into the darkness. Spike was taken aback when his nose was flooded with the scent of the hell god pouring off the man. Stealthily, he had crept up behind him, grabbing him with an iron grip around the throat.

“Why do you smell like her?” he roared. “Give me a good enough reason and I won’t rip your head off.”

One of her little trolls had rushed him, stabbing him in the side, but Spike’s hold on Ben never lessened. He knew immediately that if the scabby little minion was protecting this man, then he had to be the one. Quickly, he wrenched the man’s neck hard, snapping it as the small demon trying to get him off of Ben started to wail.

There was only one thing left to do. Lifting the body over his shoulder, he walked towards the edge of town and into the woods. He made a big pile of dead wood and placed the body on top of it, lighting it and watching until there was nothing left of the hell god and Ben but ashes.

When he’d returned to the house he shared with the Summer’s women, he told Buffy it was finished. There would be no more threat from the frizzy haired fashion victim that had tormented her every waking moment for so long.

Since that night, they’d opened their hearts fully to each other, talking, laughing and sometimes crying out their fears and hopes for what the future held in store. It was so new to him. He’d never had this kind of relationship with anyone.

Drusilla was his dark princess, but she didn’t want to know his heart. Buffy did. She wanted to know all of him. The poet as well as the demon.

Deciding he was tired, Spike got up from the couch and went up to his room. Tomorrow evening he had special plans for his lady and wanted to be up early enough to make sure everything went smoothly.

@~@~@~

Dancing under the glowing moonlight, Buffy was in awe of the beautifully sweet night Spike had so carefully planned. He’d been secretive when they’d climbed into his Desoto, raising his scarred eyebrow at her when she’d asked where they were going before telling her she’d soon find out.

During the drive he informed her that her friends were taking her patrol leaving them to enjoy themselves, which surprised her. They still hadn’t fully accepted Spike and yet they loved her enough to do this.

He’d taken her to the beach for a picnic under the stars. There was a large blanket, a basket full of goodies, and even a radio sending soft music to surround them. At first Spike had acted like a shy young man on his first date which amused Buffy immensely. Every time she saw a glimpse of William, it pulled at her heart more and more. She’d come to realize that the quiet poet was still residing inside him, although he didn’t want to acknowledge it.

Spike’s arms were wrapped around her as they swayed to the slow song playing. She had her head resting on his shoulder, letting him pull her closer, molding his lithe form to hers. It felt so good, so right to be in his embrace. Nothing before had come close to the feelings he brought out in her. Buffy knew she was lost. There was no turning away from the love that was budding in her soul for this gentle monster holding her so tenderly.

Raising her head she gazed up at him hoping he could see the emotions playing across her face before pulling his head down to delicately brush his lips with hers. It wasn’t enough. She needed more. Fitting her body to Spike’s, she held his head in place and began to explore the supple, cool lips with soft caresses, the tender nips and licks evoking a lustful groan from him.

Opening his mouth to her onslaught, their tongues thrust against one another. His hands slid over her back to her hips before moving up her sides, gently brushing the outer curves of her breasts. He was drowning in her warmth, scent, and touch as her hands were doing their own discovering.

Pulling away to gasp for air, Buffy whispered, “Take me home, Spike. I want to be with you.”

Disbelief took over his countenance. Did she really mean what he thought she meant? No, she couldn’t. Even with sharing the kisses and touches, she wouldn’t let him in her bed. He knew he wasn’t good enough for this earth bound angel. She was just ready to go home. That had to be what it was.

“Sure, sweetheart. You probably need your rest anyway,” Spike mumbled afraid to look at her and see he was right.

“Rest! What part of what I said sounded like I need rest?” Buffy grabbed his head making him look at her. There it was. The insecurity shining in his eyes before he registered her words and his face lit up.

“You really want to….” Spike stuttered just as Buffy’s lips crashed down on his for a second time. Feeling the fiery passion she was putting into the kiss as mewls from the back of her throat were being swallowed by his mouth, it finally clicked that she really wanted him.

Spike was quickly loosing control. Why couldn’t she have waited to tell him when they were back at the house? How was he supposed to stop himself from taking her here on the beach? The long nights of wanting and the days filled with dreams of her only to be presented with his fantasies come true. No, there was no holding back.

“Buffy…love you…don’t think I can make it home. Please kitten,” he pleaded sending puffs of cool breath against her kiss swollen lips as unconsciously his hips rocked into the heat of her mound.

“Just want to be with you. Doesn’t matter where,” Buffy panted, her own desire overriding the fear of being intimate in public. He felt too good to let go of and with her heart and mind finally agreeing it made anywhere the perfect place.

Diving back down, Spike’s tongue immediately pushed into her willing mouth, wrapping around her tongue and suckling. Carefully, he walked Buffy backwards, following her down onto the blanket and covering her body with his.

Buffy’s hands found the hem of his shirt and slid under to fondle the exquisite muscles she knew were hidden there. It filled her with womanly pride when they rippled under her touch as Spike growled his appreciation.

This can’t be real. Must be dreamin’ but it’s never felt like this before. Oh fuck! I’m gonna squirt in my jeans like some git just from her bloody wonderful hands.

His own hands, frantic to touch soft flesh began unbuttoning her blouse as his mouth licked a path across her jaw. Reaching her earlobe, he nipped it before blowing a stream of air over it, sending an excited shiver through her limbs and a dragging a whimper from her lips.

He lifted her up enough to slide the blouse from her shoulders as his tongue tasted the salty sweat of her neck. Reaching around her, he undid the clasp and released her luscious globes from their lace prison and into his waiting palms.

“Oh God…Buffy…so soft…” Spike mumbled against her skin, listening to the delicious noises Buffy was rewarding him with for every touch he gave. Never would he get enough of this radiant goddess laid out before him.

“Bloody hell!” he hissed as her hand dipped into his jeans, giving his already painfully hard cock a squeeze. “That’s it…touch me, luv.” No question anymore, he was definitely going to make a mess in his pants.

“Fuck…Buffy…gonna come…gotta stop,” he panted trying to hold back as his forehead rested against hers.

“Need you, Spike,” Buffy breathed, removing her hand as he requested but only to get to his buttons. She was out of control even as Spike was fighting to slow himself down, not wanting their first time together to be over too fast.

Grasping her wrists and placing them beside her head, he leaned down and took one rosy taut nipple into his mouth, running the tip of his tongue around it causing it to pucker more under his ministrations. He couldn’t get enough of her succulent breast, grazing them with his teeth and alternating between gentle suckles and hard pulls as she writhed wantonly, arching into his mouth.

“Please, Spike. I can’t…I want…” Buffy begged, desperate for him to cool the raging fire within.

“Shhh, kitten. I’ll make you feels soooo good. I promise,” Spike soothed, slithering further down until he reached the top of her slacks and began unbuttoning them. Hooking his thumbs in the sides, he slid them along with her thong past her hips and off her perfect little feet.

The scent of her arousal slammed into him, disintegrating what little restraint he had left. Quickly he moved her legs to drape around his shoulders and buried his face in her dripping quim, greedily lapping at the sweet nectar that was flowing for him. Hungrily he stabbed into her heated core as the heavenly taste of her exploded on his tongue.

Every sweep of his cool appendage caused Buffy to push herself harder against his questing mouth as her shrieks of pleasure filled his ears. Suddenly, he latched onto the engorged nub that was begging for attention, sending her spiraling into the fiercest orgasm she’d ever known.

“Please! I need you inside me. Please, Spike. Now. Can’t wait anymore,” Buffy pleaded while pulling Spike’s hair trying to get him where she wanted him as he removed the confining denim pants.

Gliding up her sweat covered body, he captured her mouth in an all consuming kiss, tongues dueling as their passion soared to new heights. This was it. This was the kind of ecstasy that came with real love. Not teenage first love or wanting to be like everyone else so you convince yourself it’s love. She knew every moment wouldn’t be perfect, but it was real and with this epiphany, tears of joy slipped from her eyes.

Spike tasted the salt from her tears and pulled away; concerned he’d done something wrong. But in her eyes there was no sadness, only complete happiness and something he’d never seen directed at him before.

“Love you so much, Buffy,” Spike whispered in awe as he positioned himself at her wet opening and slowly pushed forward. Inch by inch he thrust into her tight, hot channel, uttering naughty praises for the glorious environment that surrounded his cock.

Hearing Spike’s lewd exaltations as his girth stretched her to the point of pleasurable pain had Buffy’s inner muscles fluttering as she climbed higher, closer to a second climax. Staring up at him with moisture laden eyes she whimpered, “So close…never knew...fit perfectly inside me…never leave…never stop.”

“Never, luv. Always be here, I promise,” he answered, knowing that she was showing him the scared young woman who was afraid of being left that hid deep inside of her.

The most beautiful smile he’d ever seen spread across her face, taking away the last of his doubt and driving in the last inch he buried his rigid shaft to the hilt. Rocking his hips he smoothly pulled out until just the tip of his cock rested inside of her as he angled her hips up, slamming back in he hit that elusive spongy spot that had Buffy throwing her head back and screaming her appreciation to the sky.

Soon she was moving in perfect sync with him, their bodies melding together as one. Spike knew he couldn’t last long. Everything he had ever wanted was here beneath him, writhing in ecstasy and stoking the raging fire between them. It was more than he’d ever imagined or hoped for.

He held back even though his body was burning for release. Snaking his hand between them, he skillfully manipulated her swollen clit, setting her inner muscles in motion. It was amazing. The feel of her satiny, warm walls strangling his cock as her body arched and she cried the most shocking thing he’d ever heard.

“Bite me, Spike! Now! Need to feel your fangs now.”

His demon took over, immediately bursting forth and claiming what she offered freely. Slicing through the supple, unscarred side of her neck, he roared his completion with the first sip of her powerful blood, spilling his cool seed into the heat of her grasping womb. Collapsing upon her, he ran his tongue along the wound closing it as he purred his satisfaction.

Buffy felt the rumbling that emanated from his chest, elated that she was able to make him so happy. She drew nonsensical patterns on his back as they both drifted down from making love.

“That was the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced,” she mumbled into his shoulder, running her tongue along his pale skin.

“Mmm. I agree, but if you keep doin’ that we won’t make it off this beach before sunrise, pet,” he growled into her ear causing her wet core to clamp down around him once again.

“Can’t have that. Nope, won’t let my guy go up in flames.” Buffy giggled as he rolled off of her to keep from starting something they wouldn’t have time to finish.

Suddenly she was caught up in his astonished azure gaze as his strong hands tenderly cupped her face. “You mean that, Buffy? Am I really your guy?”

“Yes you’re my guy. You annoy the hell outta me, but you also make me happier than I can ever remember being. You want to be with me don’t you?” Buffy asked worriedly.

“Always, kitten. You should know that by now.” He smiled down on her as he got up and helped her to stand. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she answered grinning broadly.

“Really?” Spike whispered and at her nod, he howled to the waning stars before grabbing her around the waist and leaning in for a lustful kiss. “We definitely aren’t gettin’ off this beach now.”

“Bad vampire!” Buffy squealed, breaking free from his grasp as she ran giggling gleefully.

Neither knew what the future held, but they were ready to face it together.

A wonderful new life to explore.
 

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