A Time To Cry
AUTHOR’S NOTE: Manipulated dialogue from The Body.
William still watched them from a distance an ache filled his chest. He saw the look in his brother’s eyes even from here. He knew Lizzie was there with him. He tried not to feel anger and jealousy. But he did. His brother again getting the one thing he so desperately wanted and needed.
But he had his own memories. Memories that comforted him tonight.
FLASHBACK
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William sat at his desk trying to read his text. It was hard, everything hurt. Two weeks ago The Giles’s family was torn asunder.
Spike was out patrolling while Rupert and William were across town giving a report to a member of The Council. It was a simple trip to the grocery store. Eggs and other various household items were needed. A trip that should have only taken 30 minutes tops for the mother of the twins but Jenny Giles never returned home.
While she was walking back to the car a group of menacing looking teens surrounded her. They looked like your run of the mill hooligans, but Jenny Giles knew better they were vamps new in town ready to make their mark in The Hellmouth. They had no idea who she was. No idea about her sons and the skills she possessed. They soon found out as Jenny disposed of three of the four of them. The last of them moved to swiftly for her and knocked her stake out of her hand plugging it into her chest ready to feed on her but never getting the opportunity because people came running out of the store when they heard the ruckus.
If they had gotten there a few minutes before, if Jenny possessed a smidgen of Slayer healing it would have been nothing but a close call. But fate was not kind that night. In the confines of a small emergency room of Sunnydale Memorial; Jenny Giles surrounded by the men she adored said private goodbyes to each of them and joined her sister in the hereafter. Another name logged in The Watcher’s journals the remarkable women who gave birth to the first Male Slayer was gone.
Spike went nearly insane he no longer slayed he went hunting. Hunting for the creature that took his mother away from him. He refused to speak to his father still blaming him for everything that happen. Only spoke to his brother when he needed information. The only person he ever showed anything but rage to was Lizzie. Lizzie truly got everything good in him. All his love, his devotion, his loyalty. He cared only for the well being of Lizzie and her family spending more and more time at The Summer’s home than in his own. He only came home to train, gather information and trade barbs with his father. Joyce tried her best to get through to Spike but he never listened. He would disappear into the wee hours of the night then climb into Lizzie’s window and crawl into bed with her. Sometimes they made love, sometimes she would comfort him when he cried all the time they would hold each other.
The one occasion when Rupert asked Lizzie to talk to Spike was met with venom and resistance by Lizzie.
“You don’t get it! I’m the only thing that brings him peace. I will not take that away from him. When he comes to me he knows he is safe. Don’t you dare ask me to ever betray that!” Lizzie screamed.
Both Joyce and Rupert were growing more and more concerned on the matter of Spike and Lizzie’s relationship. They both had their own reasons.
Rupert worried because of how much he counted on her, too much. He never truly believe Lizzie was the only thing Spike cared about in the world until his mother died. Now Spike showed him at every turn the truth of that statement.
Joyce worried that Lizzie no longer had her own identity. She feared that Lizzie could no longer define herself outside of being the love of Spike’s life.
William holding true to his predestined role could do nothing but watch. Watch as everything around him spun chaotically. Watch his broken father tried to pick of the pieces of his life. He tried to do his best to comfort him but in the end all he would do is watch and help out when he could. He watched as he lost his mother vowing to keep the promise she asked of him on her death bed. He watched as his brother slipped away from him as well. A stranger with his face. All he could do was watch. Until he heard the tiny knock on his window...
William drew his curtain and saw Lizzie crouched down looking at him.
“Lizzie!” He exclaimed holding out his hand to let her in.
“Why did you do that? You could have hurt yourself.” William said helping her dust off her jeans.
“I’m not that weak Will. I know how to climb a trellis. I have watched Spike do it for nearly two years now.” Lizzie said.
William smiled.
“I know Pet. But Spike is not here.” William said.
“I know that William he’s out. He won’t be back for awhile.” Lizzie said.
“Um, Lizzie about where Spike goes..” William said trying to find an excuse for his brother.
“You don’t have to do that Will. I don’t need to know where he goes. I never have. I know he comes back and that’s enough. I know he has been difficult he doesn‘t mean it.” Lizzie said.
William nodded.
“I’m not here to talk about Spike though.” She said.
“What is it then? Are you o.k.? Does Lil’ Bit need anything?” He asked.
Lizzie looked at him seriously.
“Will stop.” She said.
“Stop what?” He asked.
“Stop trying to think about everyone else for once.” Lizzie said quietly.
“I’m here for you.” She said.
William sat down at the edge of his bed.
Lizzie knelt down in front of him.
“You don’t think I see. I know I am not as intuitive as Dawnie but I see Will. I see you. I see you trying so hard to hold it together. You don’t have to do that with me Will. I am your best friend remember?” Lizzie said squeezing his knees.
“You don’t understand Lizzie I can’t just....I have to do these things, 'cause ...
William shut his eyes tight trying not to cry.
“Cause when I stop, then she's really gone. And I'm trying. Lizzie , I am, I am really trying to take care of things, for everyone but I don't even know what I'm doing. Mom always knew” William whispered.
Lizzie touched his cheek.
“You can’t know Will. Not now. You can’t be there for everyone.”
“Well, who's gonna be if I'm not? Huh, Da? Spike? They can’t even function. Who's gonna make things better?”
William began to shake. He looked at Lizzie fearful
“Who's gonna take care of us? I don't know what we're gonna do. I'm scared. I can’t be scared.” William said closing his eyes.
“I am not going to say it’s going to be o.k. Things will never be o.k. again. But you’ll find a way to go on. You’re the strong one Will. You don’t see it now but it’s true. I know you will find a way to make it work I believe in you Will.” Lizzie said taking his face in her hands.
William smiled at her.
“I’ve been distant haven’t I? To The Bit and you..” William realized.
“It’s o.k. I understand.” Lizzie said.
William hugged Lizzie tightly.
“I didn't mean to push you away, I didn't. I just, I couldn't let you see me....”
“Cry.” Lizzie finished for him.
“It’s o.k. Will, you can cry. Cry all you want to, all you need too.” She whispered.
Something broke inside William Giles for the first time in weeks he did the one thing he feared.
He cried.
He sobbed as Lizzie held him in her arms.
Lizzie rocked him back and forth. Stroking his head coaxing him to let it all out.
“Wait can you stay awhile?” William whispered.
“Sure.” Lizzie said.
“Lay down I’ll read you a book or something.” Lizzie teased.
William laid down.
He looked at Lizzie for a moment.
It was ironic to him. He was always so afraid to tell her how he felt what he wanted but now when he felt his weakest he found his voice.
“Lizzie co..could you just hold me?” He asked.
Lizzie smiled without a word she slid on top of his bed and took him in her arms.
William laid on her shoulder and closed his eyes enjoying the feeling of Lizzie surrounding him.
“Will.” Lizzie said.
“Yeah?” He replied.
“You know I’m your girl too right?” She whispered.
William smiled he knew what she meant. He knew it was different than what she felt for Spike. But tonight just tonight he closed his eyes, he lied to himself and pretended.
“Yes Lizzie, I know you’re my girl.”
END OF FLASHBACK
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William wiped a single tear from his eye. He began to walk away. When he saw Spike looking straight at him his head turned away but still holding Buffy in his arms.
The brother’s shared a look.
There would be no barbs tonight. No threats, no dance.
Not tonight.
William uncrossed his arms and slowly walked away.
Spike continued to sit there holding onto to the precious few moments he had with a somewhat lucid Lizzie.
For their mother
There would be no war
There would be quiet
Just for tonight.....
O.k. I got e-mail feedback advising me
to stop dragging out this story. I was told I have lost many readers :-(
Unfortunately I have not even begun to scratch the surface of this story and I
know I am already on chapter 23. So I apologize this is going to be soooooo
long. But I have decided to separate it into Four different books. (Yes I said
four) With the exception of the first book they will be about 13 chapters a
piece. Again I am sorry if it seems that I dragging this out but each chapter is
essential to the plot line I do however promise in the end everything will get
tied up into a neat little bow. So this is me begging you to stay with me!
Thanks for all the reviews and encouragement!
Author’s Note: Special Thanks to Tahmoe. Who helped me with the sex
scene in this chapter and is happily putting up with my madness. You are the
best!
A Time To Kill
Their bodies clung to each other in the darkness, frantic and desperate. They
kissed and devoured each other. They knew they did not have much time.
They made love with passion and fire.
They made love trying to make it last for as long as they could.
Spike covered her face in kisses as tears fell from his eyes.
She whispered, "I love you" with each thrust upward as he filled her.
Spike held her shoulders, pounding into her as if he was trying to lose himself
inside her.
"More!" She begged.
Spike kissed her lips, feeling her quake beneath him.
"Cum for me Luv." He whispered.
She let out a scream.
Spike felt her walls tighten then release a flood of wetness around him.
No longer able to control his need, Spike spent himself inside of her.
He watched as Buffy's face shifted. Her demon demanding it's own satisfaction.
She flipped him onto his back and resettled him within her.
She lunged down and bit into his neck drawing out his blood. She raised her
head, bowing back in ecstasy and licking her lips, gathering the remainder of
her mate's blood into her mouth.
She smiled wickedly at him and growled.
"Mine."
Spike began to move his hips causing her to whimper, wanting to ride out her
last moments of release.
"Yours." He whispered.
He felt his own demon rip through him. Wanting his right, his face shifted as he
grabbed her by the hair, pulling her neck down onto his mouth. He bit down as
she grunted.
Taking two long gulps then licking her wound, he continued to pound himself into
her.
He looked at her and growled in the same manner she had.
"Mine." He said.
She felt another orgasm overtake her.
Before she became lost. She licked his wound clean and whispered in his ear.
"Yours, yours forever."
Her face shifted back into her human visage. Her doe eyes filled with tears.
"I love you." She said softly before she went limp on top of him.
Spike held her tight trying not to cry.
He knew when she awoke there might be pain, there would definitely be confusion.
She would definitely be loss again...
His closed his eyes.
"If I had been there when it happened, if I was faster.... If my father hadn't
done this to all of us...."
Rage and guilt filled his mind.
It was an old rage. The same rage that consumed him the night it happened.
He wrapped his arms around Buffy again, holding onto her the way he should have
that night.
He should have never left her room that night. He should have stayed with her.
He should have fell asleep with her tiny body laying on top of him pressed
against him as he had so many nights before.
But he didn't.
He went out looking for something to kill. Trying to fight the demons in his
mind by destroying the ones in front of him....
Flashback
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Spike spun around hitting his victim across the face. He always asked the same
question to all of them.
"How long have you been here!"? Spike screamed.
The vampire shuttered in fear.
"Grew up here." It whispered.
Swiftly he lowered the stake into its chest and watched the vampire evaporate
before his very eyes.
"Well Bully for you!" He said dusting off his trench coat.
It irritated Spike.
The vampire and demon activity had decreased significantly in the last month and
a half. Apparently it has spread in the demon community that the new Slayer was
male and efficient. Gone were the days when Spike would go on patrol and be met
with some new fledgling trying to make a name for themselves. In fact they hid
in fear of the wrath of the world's newest Slayer.
Spike was hunting like he did so many nights before. Hunting for the thing that
took his mother.
He closed his eyes. He could see her. Holding him as a child. Clapping when he
finished his latest song no matter how bad or loud it might have been. Even
walking through his front door caused him unspeakable pain. Every time he did he
expected to hear her call out to him or for her to be standing there covered in
paint from her latest project.
But she never did the house was always quiet. Every time his father would walk
in the room instead of her, Spike would become enraged.
“Why?” He thought somberly.
He was The Slayer. The One destined to rid the world of evil. How could he save
the world when he could not even save his own mother?
He thought of Lizzie sleeping peacefully in her bed. He envied her. She looked
like an angel. He only felt peace when he was holding her. Sometimes though the
pain would start gnawing away at him. Then came the anger. He thought of waking
her when it happened tonight. Talking to her, making love to her allowing her to
soothe him with her touch. But he didn‘t. He was already too angry. Spike never
wanted Lizzie to see him that way. So much was going on for her as well. He
always felt the need to protect her even if it was for himself.
He slipped out quietly not wanting to wake her.
“I love you for eternity Lizzie.” He whispered as he kissed her on her forehead,
then slipped out into the night.
Spike needed to kill. He needed to relieve the ache inside his heart.
His thoughts raced around his head causing him to shake.
"If I had been there when it happened, if I was faster.... If my father hadn't
done this to all of us...."
Spike let out a loud growl.
He felt a tingling up his neck.
Spike smiled evilly.
Another victim....
Spike walked slowly toward a fresh grave. He saw the dirt begin to shift. He
stood there waiting, licking his lips in anticipation.
A hand reached out.
Not wanting to wait, Spike pulled the creature out with all his might. With a
roar, he plunged the stake through it's heart.
He laughed wickedly.
Another tingling sensation arose. Spinning around, he watched as another grave
seemed to rumble.
Spike smiled.
"Look's like I am having a good day." He said stalking over to the grave.
He disposed of the last vampire.
He felt the sensation up his neck again.
Spike gripped his stake and turned around slowly.
He saw her there almost like she was floating.
His mind filled with a haze.
"You have been looking for me." She said.
Spike tried to shake himself out of his haze. But he couldn't.
"I feel your anger it's intoxicating." She said in a soft voice.
Spike closed his eyes.
"It was you...." Spike whispered.
He had heard about this. A thrall. He tried to remember his father's lesson on
how to overcome it but he could not. His anger for the man clouded his memory.
The answer was at his very fingertips but his mind felt like he had walked into
a thick cloud.
“This does not make sense. They have to look you in the eye. Da, said they have
to look you in the eye.” Spike thought.
His stake shook in his hand.
"Put that away." He heard in his head.
He tried to call on all his slayer strength. Trying to pull his stake up to try
to kill the predator in front of him. Instead he felt as if his hand tucked his
weapon into his back pocket.
"No, fight." Spike's mind screamed.
Nothing helped, his arms hung limply at his sides. He watched as the women
approached him and put her arms around him.
She smiled drawing closer to him.
"Run!" His mind screamed.
The woman tipped his head to the side. He felt her cold lips press against his
neck. He could hear his blood pulse under his skin.
She raised her head and whispered into his ear.
"Don't worry Slayer. It will only hurt for a moment...."
Spike tried to raise his hands in protest. He tried to push her away. But he
couldn't and felt the pinprick sensations against his neck. A single thought
screamed in his head.
"Lizzie..."
Lizzie snapped awake that night. Wide-awake. Fear crept through her in a way she
never felt before. She felt as if her very being was being torn in half.
Her whole body began to shake as she whispered.
"Spike..."