Never Alone
by Gerbnednav

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in the Joss universe I am merely borrowing them until he decides what else he wants to do with them.

Takes place during the episode NFA season 5 of Angel.


A/N Also want to thank my beta Vicki who has been the greatest! And thanks to Bloodshedbaby for the recommendation!


********

Prologue


Buffy bolted upright in bed, a stifled scream stuck in her throat.  She glanced nervously around the room trying to take in her surroundings. She ran a shaky hand over her face as she realized it was just a very nasty dream.

"Gotta stop eating so much ice cream before bed.” she muttered to herself.

She let out a little sigh and shook her head.  Throwing back the covers she got up and headed for the bedroom door thinking a little breakfast will help make her feel better.

As her bare feet padded down the hallway and stepped into the kitchen she couldn't help but notice how quiet the apartment was and how alone it makes her feel.  She reached into a cupboard and grabbed a can of coffee. As she pulled the can out of the cabinet her mind started flooding with the details of the dream.

Spike, Illyria, Gunn and Angel were standing in a dark alleyway facing the rushing horde of demons.

"In terms of a plan?" Spike asked.

"We fight." drawls Angel.

"Bit more specific?"

"Well personally I kinda want to slay the dragon." He looked at the group "Lets go to work."

Angel grabbed the nearest demon by the throat and threw him back into three others and they crashed to the ground. Spike kicked the nearest demon in the chest and he went flying backwards, making contact with a dumpster. Illyria punched a demon in the face and twisted the neck of a second one.  Gunn managed to swing his sword and cut the head off an attacking demon but lost his balance and fell to the ground. A second one took advantage and lunged at him with a knife stabbing him in the chest.  Grimacing in pain, Gunn brought his sword up and pushed it through the demons chest as he fell back unconscious. 

The remaining three backed into each other and formed a triangle. They fought the constant stream of enemies as fast as possible. Angel picked up a sword from a fallen demon and launched it into the air at the dragon.  It let out a shrill scream and bashed its wings into the others.  Knocked to the ground they were quickly surrounded.

Spike was at the bottom of a pile of demons throwing punch after punch. One by one he threw them off and reached out to take a sword from the nearest beast.  He charged and ran it through.

Illyria was still fighting but was separated from the others by the group closing in on her.  She struggled with one finally propelling him into the air. She tried to kick the next one but was perplexed when it grabbed her leg and stopped her.  Three more started to rush her and she managed to hit two of them but the third made it behind her and swung his sword taking her head clean off. Her body crumbled to the ground.

Angel was also surrounded but saw Illyria as her body hit the ground.  With a roar he changed into game face and started hacking away with his sword, attacking anything that moved but more and more just kept coming.  He looked over his shoulder and saw Spike, also in game face, still fighting.

Spike was flanked by demons on all sides.  Tauntingly he gestured at them to charge him.  Six demons ran towards Spike at once and a seventh bent down picking up a stray piece of wood.  He hit the first and the second while the third got in a lucky punch and two others grabbed him.  The seventh one saunterd over to Spike, the stake spinning in his hand.  Spike's eyes went large as the demon pulled back and pushed the stake home. He exploded in a cloud of dust.

Angel was alone now, a determined smile played across his lips as demon after demon piled on top of him.  The sound of a sword was heard slicing through the air.  Slowly the demons backed with away nothing left to fight.


Focusing again Buffy looked down at the coffee can in her hand.  She noticed that she was shaking uncontrollably.  A loud sob escaped from her and she crumpled to the floor.

*******

Buffy stood in her living room dressed in some blue jeans and a white tank.  She was pacing back and forth trying to be patient.

"Yes Giles, I do know that it was a dream but if the other slayers are having it too don't you think it might mean something?" a hint of frustration crept into her voice.

"Buffy don't you think you might be over reacting a little? Your feelings for both of them might be clouding your judgment?" She could swear she heard him cleaning his glasses over the line.  "You know that Spike is dead."

"NO! No Giles I am not over-reacting.  And I haven't forgotten the fact that he died you know."  She sighed, "You know that slayer dreams are never exactly as they seem. I just have a feeling that there is something going on in LA."

"I still don't think it is necessary Buffy, after all he did choose to change sides on his own."

Buffy could feel the irritation rising in her.  "Look could you just do some research and figure out what's going on?  It will make me feel a whole lot better."

Giles sighed into the line.  "Alright, just take care of yourself.  I'll call you as soon as we know something."

"Thank you Giles.  Tell Dawn that I miss her.  I'll talk to you soon."  She hung up the phone.

She sighed and ran a hand through her blond hair.  She knew that Willow was waiting for her across town and she needed to get going but she couldn't get that damn dream out of her head.  Her head was starting to ache a bit from thinking about it so hard.  But she had to know what it meant.  She thought back to the last seconds she had spent with him holding his hand telling him that she loved him.  She couldn't believe that he hadn't wanted to believe her.  She sighed again. She knew this line of thinking would start her crying again.  Blinking hard she pushed the tears back.  She walked over and grabbed her purse and walked out the front door.


******

Willow sat in front of the entrance to the mall the sun shining on her back.  She smiled as Buffy walked towards her.

"Hey."

"Hey Wills."  Buffy grabbed her and gave her a long hug.  "I've missed you."

"Missed you too Buff."  She sat back down on the bench. 

"Sooo what brings you all the way out here?  Besides the shopping."

"Needed a change of scenery for a while."  She ducked her head.  "Figured you might be ready for the company now."  She brought her head back up and gave a dazzling smile.  "Besides Rio is overrated."

"And what about Kennedy?"  Buffy asked as she sat next to her.

"We broke up.  She and I just kind of were too different you know?"

"I'm sorry Will." she laid a comforting hand on her friends shoulder.

"It's alright Buffy. I mean since when did any of us have relationships that worked out."

"We are quite a bunch aren't we?"  Buffy asked her eyes sad again.

Willow just nodded her head.  "Well should we go in?"

"Yeah I really need to do some therapy shopping."  Together they stood and walked into the mall.

*********

Willow and Buffy were sitting in her living room talking quietly when the phone started ringing.

"Hello."

"Hi Buffy how are you?"

Buffy groaned inwardly, she so wasn’t in the mood.  "Andrew, I'm fine how are you?"

"I'm good, um I um was like." Andrew sighed heavily. "I need to talk to you."

"So talk I'm listening."

"You’re not going to like it."

"Andrew..."

"I think this is something I need to tell you in person."

"What are you talking about?"  Buffy groaned aloud this time, her irritation rising.

"Look I just flew in and I'm just outside of town.  Can I come over?"  He sounded hesitant.

"Alright just get here as soon as you can."  She disconnected the phone.

"Buffy?" 

"He's in town and coming over, said he had something to tell us."  Buffy sat back down next to her. 

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah it's just with the dreams I haven't been sleeping well."

"That’s understandable I mean it sounded really bad."

"Gut wrenching is more like it.  I mean I know that something has to be going on in LA but I don't know if we can do anything about it."

"Angel is smart Buffy. I'm sure that he wouldn't let Wolfram and Hart get to him."

She shook her head.  "No it’s not that.  I know deep down that he'd make the right choices.  It's...” She trailed off as the doorbell rang.  Getting up, she shook her head and answered the door.

"Andrew."  Buff looked him over.  He was dressed a little better, not going for that watcher look that he started out trying to imitate. Now he was wearing some simple slacks and a dress shirt.  She noticed that he was holding himself a little differently now not quite as unsure of himself.  He was a little different than the annoying nerd they had left tied in a chair last year.

"Hey Willow!"  He screeched.  He ran over to her and gave her a hug.

"Jeez Andrew guess it's nice to see you too."  She disentangled herself from him.  "So what brings you here?"

"So what do you want to tell me?” He looked nervously at her.  "Gotta be important for you to fly all the way out here."

"Yeah.  Look you're probably gonna be mad and I just want to let you know that this wasn't my idea. I wanted to tell you right away but you know they wouldn't let me so I just... well when I heard about the dream I knew you needed to know." He sat in the chair opposite the couch glancing quickly between the both of them.

"Seriously if you don't start making some sense Andrew...."

"Okay.  Well you remember the girl you sent me to get. Dana?"

"The one that was in the institution?"  He nodded at her.

"Yeah.  Anyway Angel wasn't the only one I ran into."  He stared back at her puzzled look.  "He didn't want me to tell you and he said that he would on his own but if this dream is a premonition and I didn't tell you and then he would be dead and then you would kill me."

"What?" Willow asked confused.

"Spike?" Buffy whispered.

Andrew nodded.  "The amulet they gave him trapped him and then he was a ghost for awhile and then he was like living or unliving again."

Buffy got up to pace around the room.  She turned and glarred at him.  "He's alive and you knew this long and you didn't tell me?"  Her voice was low and dangerous.

He cleared his throat.  "See I know you're mad but he did ask me not to tell.  But there's more."  She glared at him waiting for him to finish.  "He was with Angel when we were in Rome.  They both came to the apartment and I did what you told me about telling him you were dating the Immortal.  I didn't want to but I know why you told me to and they waited but they had to go back.  I knew he just wanted to see you but I think he was kind of scared that you would be mad at him too."

Buffy sat down hard on the couch.  "Then the dream really could be a vision."

"Cause now Spike's alive?"  Willow asked.

"And they're all going to die." Buffy said as a tear rolled down her cheek.


*********

Buffy was thrashing around in her sleep.  Suddenly she sat upright in bed, her scream echoing around the room.  She breathed heavily and started to sob deeply.   The tears came flowing out of her as Willow knocked softly and opened the door.

"Buffy?" she whispered.  She saw her face covered with tears as they ran down her cheeks and hit the sheets.  "Oh Buffy." She ran over and grabbed her in a tight embrace.

Buffy wrapped her arms around Willow and let go of all the grief she had been holding inside.  Slowly her tears started to subside and she was able to speak again.

"Willow"

"Yeah Buff?"

"We've got to go to LA."

"But we don't even know what we might be facing yet."

"It doesn't matter I have to try."

Willow nodded.  "We'll call Giles in the morning and tell him were going.  See if he can send us some help."

*****

"Giles we aren't going to convince her not to go.  No I mean she really has to do this.  Did you get any information on what is happening yet?"  Willow shook her head at the watcher's tone.  "So no apocalypse on the horizon, well that is good news."
She listened intently to his answer.  "She said you could make the arrangements for the others to get there.  It’s only a few hours for us to get there.  Giles did the coven know about Spike?"  She took a deep breath.  "So no one but Andrew knew that he was alive?"  "Alright, look I better go, Buffy will have her cell phone if you need to get in touch with us.  We'll be careful.  Okay bye."  As she shut the phone off she zipped up her suitcase.

"You almost ready?"  Buffy asked.

"Yeah they don’t have any more info for us.  The only thing they know is that it isn't an actual apocalypse."

"Well that's a first."

*******

It was like fate itself was trying to keep them from getting to LA.  They had already had a flat, the engine had over heated and now there was major traffic accident.  The six-hour drive was turning into a whole day affair.  Just when Buffy thought she would scream from the frustration the traffic finally started to move.

Night had already darkened the sky as they made their way past the crater that had been the offices of Wolfram and Hart.  They continued walking and the rain began to fall as they made their way passed the empty Hyperion.  Buffy picked up her pace now as she recognized the streets from the dream she had.  Rounding the corner she recognized the alley that had haunted her for too many nights now.

Buffy came to a stop, her head swiveling from side to side taking in the demon bodies that littered the pavement.  The air was thick with the scent of demon blood.  She started walking again picking her way through the corpses.  On the other side of a dumpster she could see a human body and a little further it appeared there was the body of a female without a head.  She hung her head for a moment wanting to throw up.  She turned to look behind her at Willow, Andrew, and the few slayers that Giles had sent.

Willow looked into her eyes and the grief she saw there overwhelmed her.

"We're too late." Buffy sobbed as she sank to her knees. 

Willow walked to her side and held her while she cried.

Andrew looked around noticing something shiny on the ground near the demons remains he squatted down to grab it.  As his hand closed around it he smiled softly.  Turning he walked over and kneeled next to where Buffy and Willow were kneeling.

"Buffy..." he said as he pressed the silver lighter into her hand.

She looked at the lighter in her hand memories, washing over her in a flood.  She grabbed the lighter tighter and slowly made her way to her feet. Reaching in her pocket she flipped her cell phone open. 

"Giles.  No we were too late.   Do we know what happened?"  She started nodding.  "Do we know where the members were?  Okay we'll check that out."  She closed the phone.

"What happened Buffy?"

"They were trying to take down Wolfram and Hart from the inside.  Guess a secret society called the Black Thorn was in charge and Angel managed to get inside.  They took them out tonight and this was the payback."

"So what do we do know?"

"There were two other places that were hit I want to check them out and give these two a decent burial."  She raked a hand through her wet hair.  "So much needless stupid death...” her words trailed off sounding hollow to Willow's ears.

"Buffy?" she asked hesitantly.

She hung her head and slowly began to walk away.


********

Chapter 1

The room was dark and musty, shadows of large covered furniture dancing across the walls.  Suddenly two bright flashes of light fill the room as two portals opened.  Two figures fell from the endless depths onto the floor and the portals winked out of existence.  Slowly and painfully they started to stir, trying to sit up.  They turned and looked at each other.

"Angel?"

Spike?"

They gasped in unison.

Spike and Angel just glared at each other, too weak to actually get up.

"What are you doing here?" they again cried simultaneously.

Spike in spite of himself chuckled.  "Guess that answers that."  He gave a meaningful look to Angel seeing how beaten and tired he looked.  "Hell dimension?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Did you have any doubt mate?"

Angel chuckled lightly.  "No."  He started struggling to his feet.  "So the question is why are we both here?"  He studied Spike still sitting on the floor.  "So do you remember everything before,,," he trailed off.

"You mean with the death and the dying and the turning into a big dust cloud?  Yeah mate."

Angel nodded and then turned to glance around the room.  "Well at least I know where we are if not when we are."  He glanced around at the lobby he'd spent so much time in over the last 3 years.

"Actually it's been two months."  The familiar voice came from behind Angel and his mouth hung open as he swung around.

"Cordy?"  He asked in barely a whisper.

"Well don't just stand there mouth all agape and all."  And just like that he quickly closed the gap in between them and flung his arms around her.

"You're really here."  He said astounded.

"Well sort of. This isn't a social call Angel, the PTB sent me as a messenger."

"They sent you?  This can't be good."  Spike moaned still sitting on the floor.

"Spike, you're just as charming as ever."  She smiled at them both.  "Look you kind of threw them for a loop.  I mean this plan of yours Angel, just not making much sense.  Getting yourselves killed kind of makes sure your not here fighting the good fight.  This wasn't the Appocalypse this was the Senior Partners getting a little vengeance on you and yours."  She shook her head at him sadly.  "When I talked to you before I thought you had kind of figured some of this stuff out.  Guess you're denser than I remembered."

"But..." he stopped confused.  "I mean I didn't lose focus we still brought down the inner circle that had to have done some damage to them"

She sighed loudly.  "Angel, they may have been the ones in charge here but the Senior Partners were still pulling the strings.  They were just puppets and they will just find more in their place.  The only thing you really accomplished was making sure our side was a lot weaker."  She walked over closer to where Spike was starting to stand up.  "Let's just say the amount of disappointment was felt all around.  For us to lose not just two Champions but the human cost."  She shuddered.  "Not the best strategy I've seen and I've seen a few doozies."

"The others...?"

"Fred, Wesley, Gunn and Illyria?  All of them gone Angel.  I understand what you thought you were trying to do and I understood their..." she trailed looking for the right words.  "devotion to your ideals.  Been there you know.  But it's all past now."  She watched as he sat heavily in a chair.  "And now the balance of power has shifted again.  Really the both of you were brought back here because this wasn't supposed to happen."  She walked to him placing a calming hand on his shoulder.  She could see the pain and loss etching it's way onto his face.  "I have a lot more to tell you but its gonna be a lot more painful.  I think the best thing is for you guys to actually get some rest and we'll talk about all of this in a couple of hours."

"Rather get it all out now if you don't mind."  Spike growled.

"Please, that Big Bad routine isn't going to work with me.  I know the hell you guys just came from and I know the pain you're feeling.. I can see it in your eyes Spike.  Both of you are not going to be able to do any good unless you can look at this situation a little calmer and less hurt than this.  So go upstairs, get some sleep and I'll be back at sunset."

"Look you stupid bint..."

"Enough!" she spat as she wheeled towards him.  "Don't make this any harder than it already is okay?" her tone softened.
"I know coming back from the dead again is not what you had in mind but I'll explain everything I promise."  Spike finally nodded at her.  "Besides you both look like hell."  She smiled as she turned and walked out of the lobby.

*****

Angel and Spike had just made their way back down the stairs, neither having had much luck sleeping.  Both had spent the time thinking of the people they had lost and the pain they were feeling.  Angel had been brooding just as expected but even he noticed how subdued Spike was.  Never one to let silence alone for its own sake his grande childe was uncharacteristically quiet.  It suddenly occurred to him that he had never really understood the younger vampire.  The last few months had given him some insight into his character more than he had during all the time that they had spent as they tore across Europe.

"Hey." Cordy's voice drifted over to him as he came to the bottom of the stairs.  "Thought you guys might be a little hungry."
She gestured to the table next to her a couple of blood bags laid out.  "Sorry didn't know the microwave had been packed up."

They just approached the table and picking up a bag each ripped the tops off and chugged them down.  Both grimaced at the cold blood.

" 'Salright pet."  Spike grumbled.

"Well I guess we should get this started then.  Come on sit down the two of you." She motioned to the chairs opposite her.
"You know that the Powers sent me because they think you've both lost your paths.  Got to get you guys set on your way again."

"There is no bleedin' path for me.  Peaches here is their soddin' champion not me."  He had raised his voice but there was no venom behind the words.

Cordy gave him a warm smile.  "Ah but you are now aren't you.  Whatever reason you give Spike you gave your unlife twice.  Once to stop an apocalypse and once cause you thought it was one.  Things like that get you noticed by those that run things.  Fact is Spike you are the talk of the higher planes.  No one demon or human has managed to do what you've done,  to manage to merge yourself into a man with a demon so flawlessly.  The fact that you got your soul on your own is something many of us still can't get over."

"Didn't do it for anyone but her." he said under his breath.

"That's the thing, you did it out of love.  Love you're not supposed to feel.  You are a unique individual as much as you hate to hear it."  He shook his head at her.  "I know pride keeps you from admitting a lot of things to yourself.  But trust me you have everyone's attention now."

"So what the hell do we do now?"

"Right.  Well first off you guys are going to be splitting up now.  I know you've gotten quite used to each other but you have very different destinations down the road."  Both vamps started to protest..  "Please just listen, I don't need any of your petty arguing just to keep yourselves from admitting you don't hate each other." Both their jaws clamped shut.  "Good.  Spike, you're gonna be doing a little something special for us.  They want you to take a message to someone.  They've kind of gotten lost and need someone to bring a little focus back into their life."

"I thought that was your gig?"

"Only for you two.  Let's just say this one's got a bit of a temper and doesn't like interference from the Powers.  We're thinking a familiar messenger might make things a little easier on her.  You're gonna need to contact the Watchers Council."

"A slayer stray, already?"

"Not exactly.   Let's just say she just stopped caring about everything.  Kind of turned her back on life.  We just wanted to reaffirm her importance here to her."

"What if I refuse?" his tone was quiet.

She shook her head at him a little sadly.  "I know you won't.  It's Buffy." she said the last very quietly.

Both Vamps jumped to their feet.  Protests rang out around her.

"Look..." she said getting up "She and the other slayers were having visions of your last fight.  She came down here to help you guys out but the truth is they had to let you die in that alley."  Angel could see the pain in her warm eyes.  "These guys weren't going to stop until the whole gang was dead.  If any of you walked away they would have hunted you down no matter how many innocent lives were in the way." She sat back down and glared at the two of them.  Slowly they sat back down."The dream they had was the whole fight in that alley.  She didn't even have an idea that you were alive again until she started having the vision.  To his credit Andrew didn't tell her anything until the night before." She saw Spike's eyes fill with tears and watched him blink them back.  She could almost feel the pain radiating from him.  "Because we knew that you weren't going to make it out of that alley we had to stall her.  Any human who died there.." she paused, "no one was going to be able to bring back.. They just wanted to make sure they didn't lose her again. She got here right after the last of the demons went back through their portal.  Anyway after knowing that you had come back and that you had died again without her getting a chance to talk to you... well she decided she wanted nothing to do with being the slayer."

"Maybe she just faced the fact that she wanted a normal life finally." Angel said under his breath.

"No you don't get it.  I mean anything.  Her friends, her family, she wants nothing to remind her of who she is or was."  She looked meaningfully at Spike.  "See the Powers never noticed before.  I mean you guys had been constantly crossing paths but it turns out your destinies, well they kind of intertwine."

Spike felt his shoulders slump and his mind screamed in pain at the thought of his slayer. "Buffy." her name slipped from his lips in sigh.

Angel was on his feet again.  "Hold on one second here.  Did I hear you right Cordy? Are you really telling me that they are connected forever?"

"Oh don't start with that tone, you and her haven't felt that way in a long time.  I know."  She looked at Angel her eyes pleading. "Unless what we had..."

"No! No what you said is right its just, its Spike." He shrugged hands in the air trying to make sense of all this.

"What the bloody hell are you trying to say?"

Angel just shot him a disinterested look. 

"So what is this then petty jealously?"  Angel's face softened at that. She turned to Spike his face so lost.  "You Spike... you and Buffy are connected.  It may mean you'll always be friends or it could mean more, no one but you and her know that.  All we know is the two of you will be there for each other."  She smiled softly at him.  "If you can show her the true path her life is to take then you and her will walk that path together."  She let her words sink into the vamp and she could almost see his mind trying to wrap itself to this new information.

"So what am I supposed to be doing during all of this?"

She smiled tenderly at him.  "Angel they wouldn't tell me anything specific about what was coming for you.  All I've been told is that they want you to open AI again."

He slumped forward in his chair.  "That's it, just open back up.  I can't do that Cordy, not with all of you gone."

She placed a hand on his knee.  "You can and you will.  You knew someday something like this would happen Angel, we were all mortal.  I know it's painful but I promise you won't be alone for long.  People will come to help you because it's the right thing to do."  She looked deep into his eyes.  "I wish I could stay and help you through this but I pulled as many strings as I could to be here now."  He placed a loving hand on her cheek.  "You can do this Angel. It will be hard but you'll make it."
As if hearing something she stood suddenly.  "It's time for me to go." 

"Cordy I-" he stood and pulled her into another hug.  "Thank you." he whispered.

She leaned over and kissed his cheek.  "Don't make me come back here and kick your ass.  Take care of yourself." He nodded at her.  "That goes for you too Spike."

He tilted his head at her words refusing to come.

With a brief caress of Angel's cheek she turned and walked away.  And like that she was gone.

********

Chapter 2

The room was black with a still figure lying in the bed in the center.  As the phone starts ringing the figure starts to stir reaching out blindly for the nightstand.  Her hand caught the receiver and dragged it to her ear.

"Uhh hello?" the words were muffled with sleep.

"B its me."  Buffy's eyes shot open at the nickname.

"Faith?  What is something wrong?"  Her voice rose in panic.

"No.  No nothing like that.  The hellmouth is still closed and Cleveland is still in one piece."

"Ohhh then why...." she glanced at the glowing green numbers on the nightstand "are you calling me at two a.m.?"

"Buffy..." she heard a dry sigh "can you come to Cleveland?"

"I thought you said there's nothing wrong.  Besides you know that I'm retired now."

"No there isn't anything wrong really.  I just want you to come to Cleveland and."  there was a break in her voice "be my bridesmaid."

"Wha?" came the confused reply.

"Robin asked me to marry him and I said yes.  We want to go ahead and do it this Saturday.  Can you come?"

"Get out!"  Buffy couldn't believe the thought of the rogue slayer actually getting married and settling down with anyone.

"Straight up B." She heard her take a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Look B I know you don't really want to see any of us and I understand that I really get it you know.  But you are the closest thing I have to a family as twisted as that sounds.  I just want you to be a part of this."  Buffy could hear the strain in the other slayer's voice.  "So will you come?"

"When you put it that way Faith how can I not.  Of course I'll come." She said the last with a resignated sigh.

"This means a lot to me you know?  So as soon as you know when you'll be arriving call and I'll come and pick you up."

I will and Faith..." Buffy paused "congratulations."

"Thanks B."

********

"NO BLOODY WAY!!" Spike roared. He grabbed a vase off the nearest table and throws it against the wall where it shatters into a thousand pieces.  He began pacing at a furious pace.

"Spike do you mind?" Angel asked rubbing his temples.

"There is no way I'm going to go there.  The fucking Powers that Meddle can't let a man enjoy his deserved torture in a hell dimension.  Got to pull him out, make him their little messenger boy.  Well fuck them!"

"So what you’re just going to ignore all of this?"

Spike stopped pacing and took a deep look at the older vampire. 

"I don't know if I can do this." he was quieter now as the anger left his body.  He ran a hand over his face.  "She basically saw me die again and I'm just supposed to pop up and give her a message?  Bloody ridiculous."  He gave Angel a smirk.  "You go.  Give you something interesting to do.  She might beat on you for awhile but she's used to your cryptic messages."

Angel roared and grabbed Spike by the lapels of his beaten duster.

"Are you stupid?"  He paused looking into the blue eyes.  "Wait a minute... yeah you are.  Look...” he relaxed his grip on the blonde.  "Don't you get it?  This is your chance to finally put things right between the two of you."

Spike knocks his hands away from him.  "You think I don't know that you ponce! That isn't the problem."  He sat in the nearest chair.

"So then tell me what is."  Angel said gently taking a seat next to him.

"Peaches I don't know what it is, that’s the problem." Spike threw his hands up in the air.  "You're such a bloody expert you tell me."

"Look Spike I don't know what happened between the two of you.  I mean I know what she told me before the fight with the First and just what you've alluded to since you've been here.  I figure a whole lot that's been left out.  But that's the past whatever it is sooner or later you’re going to have to face it.  What we're talking about here is the future."  His gaze softened on Spike. "Do you still love her?"

"Of course I still love her I'll always love her."  Spike gave Angel a look of utter hopelessness.  "Don't you think parts of me are screaming for me to go to her?  Like they have been since I came to LA?  Doesn't mean it’s not wrong.  Yes, I love her. But what good am I to her?  I can't give her what she needs, the stability she craves, and the light she needs in her life.  So I got a soul, I'm still just a vampire."  He buried his face in his hands.

"No, that was my reasoning.  What I told you when you first wanted to go to Europe to see her.  You don't believe a word of that."  Angel shook his head.

"I didn't at first mate.  See, thing about having this shiny soul is it gives me lots of time to think.  And every one of those things makes a whole lot of sense."  He stood again beginning to pace.

"Bull.  Spike your hiding behind my reasoning which I have to admit is kind of scary."  Glancing at the man, he pointed.  "So tell me what the hell has you so scared that you hide behind me of all people.  You hate me remember?"

Angel's sharp words caused Spike to flinch.  His pacing slowed and then stopped.  He let his head drop to his chest eyes averted.

"I'm terrified that nothing is going to change.  What if..." he sighed heavily. "I mean I don't believe she meant what she said that day but what if that was all she could give me?  That little false hope to make me feel better before I went all dusty?" He shook his head sadly "I don't think I could take it day in and day out for God knows how long torturing myself being near her."

Angel leaned back into his chair.  "You are an idiot," he said wonder creeping into his voice.

"Thanks a lot mate."

"Can't you see what all this might mean?"  Spike lifted his head to gaze at him.  "That she could actually have feelings for you?"  He gave the vamp a once over with his eyes.  "I don't see what she sees in you at all."

"What is with you anyway?  All of a sudden acting like you’re my best friend.  Why the hell do you even care?"

"Dammit cause if she has any chance at all of being happy then she deserves it."  Angel stood suddenly knocking his chair over onto the floor with a crash.  "Don't you think that I would want something better for her?  I wanted her to have a normal life in case you don't remember it was why I left in the first place.  You haven't cornered the market on loving her you know.  But she's never going to have a normal life. Doesn't matter how many other slayers there are or how much she craves it.  The PTB pretty much just spelled it out for us she isn't done with her calling and she never will be.  Jeez she can't even die to get out of it.  So if she really has a chance to be happy..." he got a really disgusted look on his face "Even if it is with you, at least she is happy." 

He glared at the brunette and slowly a look of realization changed his features.  Suddenly it seemed as if his blue eyes lite up.

"I can't believe I'm going to say this...."He rolled his eyes.  "You’re right." He mumbled it but the other vamp heard him clearly.

"First intelligent thing you've said in over a hundred years."  A smirk graced his lips.

"Bloody poofter."

Chapter 3

Spike looked down at the scrap of paper in his hand and then back up at the door in front of him. Number 32. This was the room he'd been seeking. He sucked in a deep breath and stared at the door, listening intently. Quietly he heard what he thought was sobbing coming from inside. His gut twisted at the sound of crying. He hated to see her in pain. It seemed to him that her whole life had been filled with it and he knew that he had caused her more than his own share of that pain.

He sighed. The feelings of regret came crashing back down around him again. Spike knew that he was right before in L.A. He shouldn't be doing this, it would only hurt both of them more. Shaking his head he began to turn around. He eyed the hallway he'd just been walking on, trying to take a step forward. Screw the Powers That Be and that ponce in L.A. he couldn't do this. Couldn't reinsert himself in her life as much as he would like to. It wasn't fair to her and hell it wasn't fair to him. The sobbing grew quieter and he tilted his head listening. No, neither of them would benefit from him just making an appearance here. He wanted to believe that this self-imposed exile she had put herself in was just temporary. After all, it had only been two months and people needed time. He could understand her need for solitude, he'd yearned for it himself when he had first returned. Unfortunately being a ghost trapped against his will in an evil law firm with someone he had hated for a century kind of made that impossible.

That made him stop. He was tired of being a pawn in one way or another. Love's bitch he may be but with all the other things that had tried to run his unlife he was just plain pissed off. The chip, the First, the Powers, Lindsey and the list just kept getting longer. Spike knew that she would feel the same. He knew how much she hated being used for them to achieve whatever it was they were trying to do. Angel's words struck him then how she was never going to finish her calling not even death could release her from it. The woman had done more than enough and now there were others that could do the job for her. He knew that being the slayer was part of who she was but it didn't mean she was the only one now. Anger coursed through his body as he thought about the unfairness of it all. And he was here to make sure that was what happened that she went back to her friends, her calling and the weight of the world on her shoulders. He wanted to hit something, commit a little violence, let off a little steam. His eyes scanned the hallway again. No place to do that here, maybe he'll just run out for a while see what the cemeteries over this Hellmouth were like. See what little beasties he could kill.

He considered it seriously. Spike knew that sooner or later the temptation to see her again would get the better of him whether he wanted it to or not. He knew that was what they had been counting on when they had sent him to her. They were so sure about him wanting to see her. Well he was sure about that but he was sure she wouldn't want to see him. He'd caused her too much hurt and grief these last few years.

That made him pause. The room behind him had gone quiet now. He turned back to face the door again. Faintly he could hear her breathing. Without thinking, he took a step closer to the door his hand raised as if to knock. He caught himself and spread the palm of his hand on the door. What the hell was he doing? He was acting like a bloody poofter doing more brooding than Forehead. Damn Peaches he was helping turn him into a ponce. He was William the Bloody, Spike the scourge of Europe, the Slayer of Slayers. He could do this. He squared his shoulders and set his jaw. His raised hand balled into a fist.

***********

She had been sitting on the bed thinking that maybe she would watch a little TV before calling it a night. The wedding wasn't to take place until tomorrow afternoon and that gave her plenty of time to sit in this stupid hotel room. She knew that this was not of the good. How was she supposed to be here and not talk to everyone? The confrontations scared her. Buffy was willing to guess that every one of them was hurt at her refusal to talk, to see them. That wasn't what she had wanted. She never wanted to hurt them but she couldn't face them anymore.

Buffy wondered when she had known that she was never going to be able to leave the slayer in her behind. Probably when the dreams wouldn't stop; that two-week period before the death of the two men in her life. She had known that it was a slayer dream but she had been too weak to do anything about it until it was too late. Why she had thought the others would understand she didn't know. The last two months were a way for her to come to terms with the fact that they were gone forever. Ironic though it was she was the only woman who could have two men love her that were supposed to be immortal and both of them dead. She bit back the tears she was feeling. Too many tears shed over a fate she couldn't change. She missed them both very much.

Regret was not something she had learned to live with in her twenty-four years. Maybe it was because of all the death around her. She realized that life was too short for so much pain to be the focus of anyone’s life let alone the short one of a slayer. But it was beyond her now. She was too full of regret for the past and too guilty to look at the future with anything but sorrow.

They had never understood. Her friends and her sister that she loved very much could never grasp the concept that she was what she was. The slayer. Screw the others it was her. The part of her that wanted to keep living if only to protect those around her. It was the hard part of her, the one they had referred to as the General, the one that felt nothing but the importance of the mission. The only part of her that didn't die in that alley when he did.

She sobbed then. Living without him was just too hard. He was the only person she had ever met that could reach her. Now she knew no one else could ever touch her soul like he had. She had shed her fair share of tears over his death again but this time it had been different. He had been alive or undead for months before that final battle and he never told her. He didn't want her to know he was there. And that had hurt. It had opened the gates of self-doubt letting it pour into her soul like salt on a fresh wound. What did it mean? Did he not love her anymore? Had she finally pushed him so far that he would rather stay dead to her? The thought was more than she could bear.

Her body was wracked by the sobs escaping her. She knew she shouldn't be thinking of this now. What was done was done. It was too late for anything to change it. The one person she would ever want to be with was gone and it was forever. Buffy took a deep breath trying to get herself under control. It was then that she felt it. Her spidey sense was tingling faintly.
She brushed the tears from her eyes and looked around the room. There was a stake in her bag.

Quietly she got off the bed and walked to the dresser reaching for the stake. Well what had she expected it was a Hellmouth. Moving silently, she walked to the door. Stopping next to it, she placed her empty hand on the knob stake raised. Her mouth formed a straight line of determination and she flung open the door.

Chapter 4

A moment of shear surprise caught them both. His hand was still raised at the door, her stake raised behind her.
They stared, neither of them breathing, their eyes locked on each other. The sound of the stake clattering to the floor broke the moment for both of them.

Buffy drew in a ragged breath. Her gaze dropped to the Doc Martins on his feet and traveled upwards over his legs, his narrow hips, his strong chest and back up into his wonderful blue eyes. Her mouth dropped open but words refused to come through the tightness in her throat. She was sure that she was dreaming. This wasn't possible; he couldn't really be here.

He felt himself drowning in her warm green eyes. This is where he knew he was supposed to be. It felt like a part of him had been missing ever since he popped out of that amulet in Peaches' office. The part of him he didn't even know was gone until this very second seeing her here. How the hell did he think he could ever really live without her? He was a fool. He could feel the acceleration of her heartbeat, her blood coursing through her veins. Looking at her, he could see the red tracks the tears had made on her face and he thought he had never seen anything as beautiful as this goddess standing before him. It was then that he knew, knew he was never leaving her side again.

" 'Ello Luv." was all he could manage to choke out.

She still gaped at him; trying to let all of it sink in. Hadn't she just been telling herself that he was gone forever, that she was never going to see him again? Her brain refused to focus. She knew he had spoken but she couldn't hear the words. The dizziness in her head was getting faster, her thoughts spinning out of control. It was too much; she was beyond trying to cope and she felt her legs start to give way.

He saw her start to fall, her eyes rolling into the back of her head. He reached out and caught her as she dropped. Picking her up he carried her into the room closing the door behind him. Walking to the bed, he laid her on it gently resting her head on the pillows. He kneeled down beside her, his hand stroking her face pushing her hair behind her ear.

"Buffy luv." He said it as his hand reached for hers. He held it tenderly, his thumb stroking the back of her hand.

Her eyes fluttered open. She looked up trying to focus her gaze. She wondered what the hell had just happened. She felt the coolness of his hand on hers and turned her head towards him. That’s right he was here, here with her right now.

"Am I dreaming?" she whispered.

"No pet I'm here." It always amazed her how he always said what she was thinking. She reached her other hand up and touched his cheek.

"How?"

"Are you okay?" He asked concern lacing his voice.

"What happened?" She could not even begin to imagine why she was laying on the bed all of a sudden.

"You seem to have blacked out."

"Well that's a new one." She wondered how she was managing to talk right then. She started to get up and thought better of it, instead raising herself to sit up against the headboard.

He looked at her, head cocked to one side, trying to figure all this out. He knew that he hadn't been able to predict how she would react to his return but this new turn of events was something he couldn't grasp.

She gazed down at him, the bewilderment she was feeling sparkling in her eyes. If it was true, if he was really here what was going on. Her feelings of fear and confusion started to scream inside her making her feel out of control.

Spike stared tenderly into her eyes reading the emotions running wildly through them. And then suddenly there it was, the wall that she always hid behind came crashing down making her unreadable even to him. He knew that the open emotion he had seen was something he wouldn't have normally witnessed.

Buffy could feel the slayer in her taking over trying to gain control of her emotions and the situation she was in. Sometimes it was what her friends hated the most about her. How that part of her wouldn't let them in; that the protective barriers always came crashing down after she felt anything painful. She fought against it now, not wanting to let it push her around knowing that she needed the emotional part of her to get through this. Tired of how it always made her still hurt afterward when she was alone. She didn't want to push him away and she knew that it would make her. It was only trying to shield her from the pain and hurt she was feeling. But it was too late, she was already in too much pain and hurt so much that pushing him away would kill her.

He could see the look of determination cross her face as she struggled for control. The silence in the room was deafening. He had wanted to scream for joy at seeing her, touching her again. But he held it in letting her battle with her own thoughts, as he knew she needed to.

She finally gave him a small sad smile.

"How?" she asked again voice a little stronger. She folded her legs Indian style and gestured for him to sit on the other part of the bed.

He nodded and shrugged off his duster and tossed it onto a nearby chair. He sat on the edge of the bed and turned so he could face her.

"Um look Buffy..." He sighed loudly eyes rolling to the ceiling. "I don't know where to start."

She stared hard at him taking in his own confusion at what was before them. She thought for a minute. So many times, she had pictured this in her mind, the chance that she had never been given since he was taken from her that second time. This was so different from the hundred different ways she had ever imagined it. She reached across the bed and put a hand on his knee. She felt him jump at the contact.

"Spike, tell me about the alley." It seemed surreal to her saying his name.

The warmth of her hand on his knee seemed to calm him and he nodded at her.

"Bit o' nastiness there. Turns out that Angel was right 'bout it not being a fight any of us would walk away from." He turned his head away from her then. "If I'd have known you were having visions of that I would never 'ave agreed to go through with it. I never wanted to do anything to hurt you." He turned his eyes to her begging her to understand that. He'd hurt her enough to last a lifetime.

In her gaze was only understanding. "I know." A simple phrase but one that made his undead heart swell. She still believed him.

"Turns out the Powers that bloody be had a plan. Didn't want me and Forehead going out like that. So a couple of days ago poof here we are."

"Angel is alive too?"

"Yeah stupid poofter is still in L.A. Powers told him to stay."

"That’s good." He could hear the slight joy in her voice and that old pang of jealousy stabbed at him.

"Yeah" he mumbled.

"Spike..." her hand left his knee and grabbed his hand. "Why didn't you tell me? I mean before." He could hear the pain in her voice. That question was the one he had been dreading.

He unlocked her hand from his and began pacing the room.

"Pet I was a ghost for a good four months and after that... look you had started living your own life by then and things here...
Well I was okay with the fact that you had moved on and badness was going on there that I could help with. Figured you didn't need to know that I was undead again that it would complicate things too much for you." He stopped and turned to face her, seeing her eyes cloud with anger.

Buffy took a deep breath. She didn't need to yell at him. It wouldn't help here. She needed to be as calm as possible. One phrase seemed to need explaining.

"What do you mean moved on?" her voice was low.

"Well went to Rome 'member, you and the Immortal?" His hands gestured wildly in the air. "And what the hell did you see in him anyway?"

She could hear the pain in his voice. Buffy never wanted to cause him that ever again.

"I never... I mean I wasn't seeing him." He gave her a questioning look. "It was something I told Andrew to tell Angel. I had told him some things I shouldn't have and I wasn't ready to face him." She sighed heavily. "We knew he was coming to Rome so I lied.... I didn't know... really had no idea that..." she shook her head sadly, "I just wanted him to think that I could move on... " she saw him flinch "from him. I knew the second he saw me that he would know I had been wrong."

"You still love him don't you?" He couldn't bear the pain in his own voice; the jealousy that was clouding his vision.

"A part of me will always love him but that isn't what I meant." His shoulders sagged at the admission.

"Then what do you mean?"

"I never moved on Spike..." She moved herself to the front edge of the bed, her hand once again reaching out and grabbing his. "Everyone knew... didn't matter that I tried to hide it...." she sighed deeply then, her hand dropping his. "I had told him that I wasn't ready.... I couldn't even be with anyone until I had an understanding of who I was becoming." She stood up suddenly facing him. "But I knew... I just couldn't let myself...." she raised her own hands and dropped them in frustration. "Feelings and me just too unmixy."

He stepped closer to her barely a breath apart and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Tell me." the plea in his voice breaking the last of the barriers her heart was trying to hide behind.

"Do you remember the talk we had in the kitchen after I got the scythe?" He nodded. "I finally let myself think about what that night had meant. I didn't have a lot of choice after.... well I had lots of time to think about everything that happened. I guess I just needed the time to myself to concentrate on what I was feeling." Gently she put her hands around his forearms and sat him upon the bed. She kneeled in front of him then. "I never let myself grieve for you that first time. I spent almost a year in denial trying to bury myself in finding the new slayers and helping Giles set things up. I was just starting to... I don't know separate myself from all of them so I would be able to let my guard down." She gazed into his questioning eyes. "I was just starting to figure things out when the visions started."

"Buffy I..."

She smiled at him "Took me a long time to figure out that I'm kind of an idiot," she shrugged. "What seems clear to everyone else around me... I'm always the last one to figure it out." She laid her hands on his knees. "Angel and I moved on a long time ago." He covered her hands with his. "I couldn't move on from you." His sharp intake of breath sounded through the still room startling both of them. She stood up then, pacing in the same tracks he had made just a few moments before.

He couldn't think, couldn't form any words. She couldn't mean what she was saying. It wasn't possible.

"It hurt you know. When you wouldn't believe me there in the Hellmouth. I didn't know what to do with that. For a while I was thinking that you were right, that maybe it was a way to make myself feel better about you dying down there. But then it just pissed me off. I mean where does anyone get off telling me how I feel? " She glared at him, his heart, if it had been beating, would have stopped right then. "It took me so long to know what I was feeling as it is I don't need anyone second guessing it."

"Pet."

She raised a hand to stop him. "But what really hurt was when I found out you were alive and you didn't tell me. I wondered about everything then. I thought about a moment like this you know. About what I would say... how I would react... how you would. I felt cheated. Like that last chance had been stolen from me." She kneeled back in front of him. "I meant what I said then and I mean it now."

"Buffy you don't have to." he started.

"Don't you tell me that. I have to. I waited so long that you didn't believe me and you were gone. Waited so long a second time that you had died again. If I wait this time, God knows what would happen. No I need to tell you." Her voice dropped low again. "I want to tell you," she sighed. "That night was the first time I had ever let anyone that close to me. The real me. Everyone else just sees the surface, the Buffy that they want to see. Your the only one that’s ever really seen who I am. The parts of me their all too scared to acknowledge. I finally had to ask myself how you could do that. Why had I let you in. Finally realized that it was because I had stopped trying to hide that part of myself from you, stopped trying to block out how you felt about me. That night I felt that strength because I let myself feel how much you believed in me, how much you loved me." Tears had started falling from her eyes then.

"I will always love you." His voice was deep, choked with emotion.

"I know." She smiled into his eyes again seeing his tears threaten there. "It took me forever to see that the reason I could let myself feel what you did was because I felt it too." And with those words the tears began to fall from his eyes. ” So hence me being an idiot." He smiled at her through his tears. She reached her hand up and wiped a tear from his cheek. "That was the reason I couldn't move on. All I could do was feel this overwhelming regret." She stood again looking down at him.

"I treated you rotten Spike. I took advantage of your feelings for me from the beginning. And that last year knowing the hell you had put yourself in for me, I couldn't even be there for you. I was so selfish telling you to stay just so I could feel better. I don't even know how you can bear to look at me."

He stood up and put his arms around her waist holding her tight to him. "I stayed because you asked me to. I had a choice too."

"I've always mistreated you and all you've ever done is tried to show me you loved me." She turned and buried her face into his shoulder.

Sighing, he reached his finger under her chin to make her look at him. "Buffy none of that matters now. I love you."

Her eyes flashed with anger. "But it does matter! It killed me every time I thought about how I treated you. It kept me up at night and made me cry at all hours of the day." She looked deep in his eyes, both of them with tears flowing freely now. "I love you Spike,” she whispered.

The words fell on him like the most beautiful song he'd ever heard. A sob escaped his lips as they both clutched at each other crying. He didn't know what was happening here. He knew that she should have been mad, should have ranted, hell should of hit him in the nose like she usually did. He had never seen her this vulnerable before, so naked to all of her feelings, so expressive with her words. Gently he maneuvered them back towards the bed so they were sitting again. He stroked her hair, murmuring sounds of comfort at her. He didn't know how long they had sat like that both of them letting their tears wash away all the pain and regret. As his own tears quieted, he noticed that hers had as well.

Carefully he pulled her back over the bed so they could lie down. She curled into his side and his hands began stroking her side. Comforted they both let sleep take them over.



Chapter 5

The first light of dawn was trying to peek in through the heavy curtains into the room. Buffy blinked slowly, her eyes feeling dry and sore from the crying the night before. Strange how calm she felt now, how rested. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt this at peace. It was then that she noticed the cool arms wrapped around her. Turning her head, she looked at the man lying beside her. His eyes were still closed and Buffy couldn't help but think how innocent he looked in his sleep. Without thinking, her hand rose up and caressed his cheek.

His eyes fluttered open at her touch. As he looked at her, a smile tugged at his lips.

"Mornin’ luv."

"It wasn't a dream; you're really here." As she said it, her voice was filled with wonder.

"That I am pet," his voice softened. "You okay?"

A bright smile came across her face and to Spike's delight reached her eyes giving them a light he had rarely seen before. If he had been breathing, his breath would have caught in his throat. She didn't even know how beautiful she was.

"Never better." The lilt in her voice sung to him in a way he couldn't describe. "And you?"

"Better than I've been in a long time." He beamed a smile back at her. It occurred to her then that she had rarely seen a genuine smile from him. Usually it was just a grin or his trademark smirk and he was gorgeous when he smiled.

As silence settled back over them she carefully stretched without moving from his embrace.

"Spike." She placed a hand on his chest her eyes never leaving his. "I love you." Her voice was clear hoping that he understood that she needed him to really hear her say it. She wanted him to know that what was said the night before was real. That she hadn't just blurted out the words because of the moment.

He pulled her closer to him letting her head nestle into his chest. "God Buffy, I love you too." He broke their hug and looked down at her. "Do you know how long I've wanted to hear you say that?"

"A long time." she nodded "Told you I'm a little slow." He grinned at her then. "I could get used to waking up like this."

"Have to admit pet don't mind it myself." He cupped her cheek with his hand. "I don't want to break the mood but..."

"But?"

"What does this mean now? I mean for us." he stopped and gulped at her. "I mean is there an us?"

Her gaze was constant on his; calm and collected and sincere. "There better be an us." She grinned at him. "You think I'm going to go through all this again?" she looked at him seriously. "Spike I love you and I want to be with you. You don't think I'm stupid enough to let you go after all this?"

"You want...?" suddenly he was having trouble with words.

"Yes I want a lot of things. I want to see more of Europe, I want to have a million dollars and I want to be with you. Guess which is the thing I want more than anything? I tried living without you Spike and it didn't work out too well for me."

"You're serious?" She just gave him a look that said duh. "But, I mean what about the Scoobies. They wouldn't be too happy about this."

"Honestly Spike," she gave him a small frown, "I love my friends and yes their opinion matters to me, but this is way beyond opinion. Besides, I just spent two months refusing to talk to any of them because you were dead. Do you really think they would be upset about you and me being together? I know you think that they all hated you, not true you know? At the end there, Willow and Dawn really did like you. And after the battle well what could Xander and Giles do? Saving the world, sacrificing yourself pretty much tells them they were acting like a couple of jerk offs."

"Are you sure about this?" Buffy could see the fear in his eyes. "What about having a normal life?"

"What are you channeling Angel now?"

"HEY!" he protested.

"Look I've kind of come to terms with some things. One of them being I am never going to have a normal life. I'm still the slayer and I will be until I finally get to die and stay dead. I couldn't if I wanted to; I've seen too much, done too much to ever forget this part of my life. Besides I'm in love with a vampire. So not of the normal." She traced his frowning lips with her finger.

"Buffy I just want you to be happy. I don't want to be the wanker that keeps you from having what you want out of this life," he sighed deeply. "Besides I haven't told you why they sent me to you."

"Doesn't matter," she stated with finality. "You and me Spike, that's all that matters. We'll cross all the other bridges when we get to them. And you'll know how all the others feel when we tell them at Faith's wedding tonight. Trust me it won't be bad."

"Will you listen to me for once?" he grumbled. "I love you more than life itself. Trust me nothing would make me happier than being with you for as long as you would want me around. I don't want you to regret any of this."

She sat up at that. "Now you listen to me. That's exactly what I'm talking about. I don't want to regret anything anymore. I just spent the last year with a boatload of regret. I don't want to regret letting you go. Not when you're here now and not while I know we love each other."

Her words smacked into him; each one feeling like the punches they used to trade. He looked up at her stunned.

"What?"

"You're amazing." He sat up and pulled her to him.

"Could have told you that." She giggled. "I mean it Spike." She looked back up at him her eyes suddenly serious again.

"What?" he wanted to know what that look was for.

"We need to promise each other something first."

He waited suddenly feeling his heart sink. A bloke couldn't take anymore of this roller coaster. He tilted his head to her.

"This thing that we do to each other. The self doubt its gotta stop." She looked at him seeing the fear in his eyes. "See that? What you're feeling there? That's what I'm talking about. I trust you Spike with everything. I need you to trust me too. Whatever happened in the past is just that, the past, we need to move forward."

"I love you Buffy and I do trust you. It's hard, you know, trying to break over a hundred years worth of learning. But I promise I'll try." His voice broke then.

Buffy beamed another smile at him. "I love you,” she whispered as she moved closer to him her lips brushing against his.

The kiss was gentle and almost chaste. It was a kiss to signify new beginnings innocent and pure. And all it did was make the two of them aware of how much time had passed since they had made this kind of physical contact. Spike's hand went up behind her head tangling in her hair. She wrapped her arms around him her fingers running up and down his back as the kiss suddenly deepened. He nibbled on her lower lip than ran his tongue over it. She moaned against his mouth and taking the opportunity, he slid his tongue into her mouth slowly exploring getting reacquainted with all the hollows. Her tongue met his, dueling in a soft slow dance.

The door shattered, flying off its hinges and landing across the room. They pulled apart quickly.

"Well that figures," Buffy said as three angry demons rushed into the room.
Chapter 6

These demons were different from any Buffy had dealt with before. Larger than the average maybe standing seven feet tall and their skin was a pale gray with red vein like streaks covering them. All three of them seemed to be moving in a weird synchronization. On their faces where eyes should have been was just a thin slit that seemed to glow with an angry green light. The nearest one was holding an axe, the other two were devoid of weapons but somehow Buffy didn't think that would hinder them very much.

Buffy felt that familiar odd combination of fear and excitement as she let the slayer in her take over.

"God rude much?" she asked them loudly. She moved to stand by the opposite side of the bed. She searched the room trying to scout the best way to take them. She heard a low growl next to her as she watched Spike slowly take to his feet. The room itself was too tiny for a decent fight to take place and Buffy knew that hand-to-hand fighting against the ax-wielding demon wasn't going to be very easy in such cramped quarters. Thinking quickly, she started to back against the far wall trying to give herself enough room to make her move.

"Well since you're here.... what the hell do you want?"

The lead creature raised a thick finger at her. "Slayer," it rasped.

"Less than twenty four hours and people already know I'm here. I'm touched. Look Spike, my own welcoming committee."

Spike doubted that these guys were just going to leave if he asked them politely and to tell the truth he was kind of glad they weren't. That was a bloody great kiss they had interrupted and now he was brassed off. A slow evil smirk spread across his lips.

"Damn considerate if you ask me pet. Why don't we thank them properly?" Spike caught her nod out of the corner of his eye not letting the demon trio out of his sight for a second.

At her nod, both moved with a fluid grace. Buffy vaulted over the bed tucking into a roll going between the first and third demon and making it to the far side of the room. Using her momentum she slid out of the broken doorway and into the hall. The action grabbed the attention of the Lizzie Borden want-to-be and he moved towards her. In an instant she was all fists and fury, her blows striking him about the face and a roundhouse kick catching him in the chest.

He hadn't even watched her as she landed across the room from him as he was already on the second demon. It snarled at him and Spike launched a fist at it. Connecting squarely with its jaw the demon didn't even flinch. He turned and with his other hand punched the demon in the gut. Not even the barest shiver ran through the other creature. Barely moving, the demon's own punch sent him flying into the wall. Plaster broke all around him. Quickly getting to his feet Spike charged at the thing, using his speed to tackle it. To him it was like running into a brick wall and he was knocked to the floor with the impact. Gaining his footing once again, he stood and as he did so, the demon reached out and picked him off of the floor by the throat.

Buffy's kick caused the ax man to double over letting her deliver a crushing right hook to his chin or what she thought would be a chin on it. It fell away just in time for the third one to propel itself towards her. Now out in the roomier hall she ducked and tilted letting the creature pass. Snarling, it whirled around fist punching at the air seconds from where her head had been. Rolling backwards, she grabbed the ax from the other demon struggling to its feet. "Thanks."

Bringing his feet up close to his body and trying to ignore the growing pressure on his neck Spike used all of his coiled strength to kick out. It was just enough for the grip on his neck to break off and he fell to the floor. Getting up quickly he backed away trying to figure out what was going to stop this thing. Thinking that maybe Buffy had the right idea, he tried to vault himself over the bed. The demon wasn't fooled and managed to grab his ankle. Tugging and swinging him in a vicious arc Spike crashed into the dresser and TV, knocking it over to fall on top of him as he hit the floor.

Testing the weight of the ax in her hand Buffy watched the standing demon tense, gathering itself to strike. Without blinking, she threw the ax watching it twirl in the air its short flight interrupted by the head of said demon. Its lifeless body fell to the floor. She noticed that the ax wielder was now back inside of her room. Walking over to the other one, she stepped on it using her foot for leverage to pull the now blue ax out. Quickly she walked back into the room.

Spike hurt in a lot of places he wished he didn't have right then. Blinking blood out of one eye, he saw the offending demon reaching for the toppled TV. He watched as it raised the telly over its head. Not knowing how, he rolled himself away inches from where the thing smashed to the ground. He could tell he was closer to the door now. Hurrying to his feet, he stopped as the other demon in front of him held the stake that Buffy had dropped the night before. He tried to back up but ran into the solid body of the identical creature. A step closer and said demon was raising the stake upward.

"SPIKE!"

Buffy's eyes widened as she came hurrying through the door. Taking in the scene before her panic gripped her insides and she felt her hands moving on their own.

The downward thrust of the stake was pushed forward to his surprise and intense pain, it lodged itself securely in his sternum just below his heart. Suddenly the solid wall that was behind him was gone and he toppled backwards flat on his back. Unfortunately, the other demon was also surrendering to the pull of gravity, the ax lodged in the back of its head. Spike closed his eyes tight against the coming impact. When a second passed and he still felt nothing he slowly opened one eye at a time. There she was all sunlight and fresh air grunting as she swung the demon to his side by the arms. It fell to the floor with a loud thump. He looked her over seeing only one or two hairs out of place. She was so gorgeous and filled with deadly grace; made a vamp almost forget the annoying peace of wood sticking out of his chest.

She quickly kneeled next to him concern all over her face. Touching his face softly, she gazed into his eyes.

"Are you alright?" her voice was nervously hesitant.

"Well if you want to know the truth luv, this hurts like a son of a bitch." His eyes softened to hers. "You’re going to have to pull it out." She flinched a little at his words but nodded her head in agreement.

Reaching out she grasped the spilled contents of her overnight bag grabbing her nightshirt. Using her strength, she tore three long strips from it and folded the rest into a small square. Turning so that she was directly over his chest, she took a nervous breath.

"Ready?"

"Yeah, do it fast pet."

One hand on the offending stake and the other next to it holding the folded cloth she pulled quickly. She heard his pained gasp and grimaced forcing herself to hold the material over the gaping wound. Throwing the blood soaked wood behind her; she used her free hand to lift his shoulders. Sticking her leg under them slightly propping him up she took one of the strips and slid it underneath him tying it tightly over the wound. She took the second strip and did the same making sure the make shift bandage would stay in place. Finished she lifted his upper body again and slid her leg from underneath him. Tucking it back underneath her, she reached out with the third strip and started cleaning the cut above his right eye.

"Spike we're going to have to get out of here. Its not safe." She looked again at the wound in his chest. "Is it...”

"Gonna heal, yeah luv, just hurts a whole hell of a lot."

She nodded at him again and started throwing the spilled contents of her bag back in. "I can pull a car to the side door, the back windows are tinted." Her gaze flicked across the room. "We can use the comforter to cover you."

"We'll use mine. 's got special glass in it. Keeps me from turning into a roman candle. Keys are in my duster pocket." He watched as she rushed around the room gathering what little she had with her and stuffing it into the bag. Grabbing her purse she threw the strap over her shoulder and reached for his duster. Pulling out a set of keys she looked back over at him.

"Which one is it?"

"Just hit the open button it will beep at you." He breathed out.

"I'll be back in a second." She turned and slipped out the door. He could hear her pounding footsteps fade and a door slam shut.

He tried to maneuver himself to a sitting position and grimaced at the pain. He didn't want to think about how close this latest attempted staking had been. The shock of watching that stake as it came towards him reminding him of the battle in that alleyway. Way too close of a call. He shuddered at the thought of turning into something for a dust buster again.

Buffy was back in the doorway in just a few seconds and was glad to see Spike sitting up. She was going to need his help to get him to the car. Grabbing the comforter from the bed, she extended a free hand to him to pull him up. Using a slow steady pull, she managed to get him leaning towards her. Once he was steady, she draped the bedspread over his head. Circling her arm around his waist, she began to lead him from the room. They walked as briskly as possible down the few hundred feet of the hallway turning to the right Buffy pushed on the door blinking in the sunlight. Pulling him through the door, she pushed him into the open passenger side. Making sure the door was firmly shut she walked around the front of the car and got in the driver's side. Closing the door, she watched as he pulled the comforter off his head. At his nod she put the car in gear and drove away.

Chapter 7

She reached over him for her purse, eyes never leaving the road she rummaged around until she triumphantly pulled out her cell phone. Hitting the auto dial she listened as it began to ring.

"Hello?"

"Faith I'm gonna need directions to your place." She blurted out.

"Everything cool?"

"Just the usual uninvited guests; kind of trashed my hotel room."

She could hear a slight chuckle on the other end. Buffy concentrated as Faith gave her the detailed instructions to get to the house she and Robin rented.

"Okay I got it." Buffy sighed slightly into the phone. "I know this is kind of an imposition considering the day but I kind of have a guest."

"B you pick up someone at the hotel?" She heard her snicker. "Takin' a page out of my book?"

Buffy groaned. "Faith... look you'll get it when we get there. But I have one more favor to ask."

"Shoot B."

"Do you know someplace where I could pick up some blood?" Buffy bit her bottom lip hoping that she wouldn't have to answer any questions now.

"I'll get someone to take care of it B. Why don't you just hightail it this way? We got a lot to do today and something tells me not all of it is about my wedding."

"Thanks Faith." She hit the button on the phone. Slowly letting out a pent up breath her eyes finally traveled to the vampire next to her. She noticed he sat rigid almost, head against the headrest, eyes closed. He looked pale, well paler than normal she noticed.

"Spike?" she asked him quietly.

His eyes opened blinked twice and he turned to look at her. "Yeah luv." he breathed.

"You alright?" Her voice started to tremble.

"Right as rain pet. Just need a little time to heal. Think the bleedin' stopped already." He gazed at her while she stared at the road in front of her. "Are you okay?" He watched her nod in agreement her hands tightening on the wheel. "How far we got to go?"

"Not too far, about fifteen minutes."

"Then I'm gonna close my eyes for a couple of minutes get a little rest." He settled his head back and let his eyes slip shut.
Relaxing a little, he suddenly felt her warm hand on his knee. Before he had time to react, he felt her give him a small squeeze and just as suddenly, the hand was gone. He concentrated on the hum of the engine letting it sooth his shattered nerves.

Buffy wondered how a morning so full of promise could crumble around her so quickly. Damn demons didn't they know when to leave well enough alone. She shook her head knowing that this was just typical of her short but eventful life. At least she had been with Spike. He understood all of this madness. It was good fighting along side him again; she had always enjoyed watching him beat an opponent. Although that wasn't what had happened today. She shuddered at the memory of watching the stake descending towards him. Too close. If she had been a second slower, if she hadn't just reacted and stopped to think he could be gone now. Not a thought she wanted to be entertaining right at this minute. She concentrated harder on driving them to their destination. If she didn't think about it she didn't have to face how she felt now. And that was definitely of the bad.

The rest of the trip passed quickly as Buffy saw the row of small houses dotting the street. As she pulled up to a beige two story home she reached out and took his hand in hers.

Rubbing his palm with her thumb, she stopped the car. Feeling her light touch, his eyes opened slowly.

"I'll go and make sure that Faith is close by so she can give you an invite. Don't want to tempt fate with you standing out here waiting." She smiled tightly.

"Go on luv, I'll wait right here."

She opened her door careful to make sure no stray light met his side of the car. Closing the door, she took a calming breath and walked the short distance to the door. Fingers shaking slightly she pushed the doorbell. She watched the door swing inward and there stood the once rogue slayer.

"Hey B good of you to make it." She looked past Buffy eyes searching. "Your guest still in the car?"

"Um yeah I'll just go get him." She could feel Faith's curious gaze as she sprinted to the passenger side of the car. Tapping on the window, she nodded her head. Straining to see inside she watched as he settled the comforter back over himself. Seeing him completely covered, she opened the door letting him find his footing. Again, she settled her arm around his waist mildly supporting him and led him quickly to the door. She watched the look on Faith's face as the other woman leaned on the doorjamb. Not wanting to read that look, she pulled him to a stop in front of her. Buffy ducked her head away from her gaze.

"Well..." She drawled, "Why don't you both come on in." She turned and stepped into the house.

Relived Buffy straightened up and lead him inside.

"So how many Vamps you know B?" Buffy closed the door behind them and turned to take the comforter off him.

"She bloody better not know more than one," came the muffled reply. Tugging hard Spike grunted in pain as the blanket finally fell off him.

"Whoa! Spike?" She shook her head in amazement. "Don't any of you stay dead?"

Buffy led Spike to the couch in the living room and sat him down. "Funny Faith. A little help here." She was trying to peak under the bandage she had put on him earlier. The bleeding had slowed considerably now just a mere trickle. The material had soaked through however and she needed to change the bandage.

"Sure let me get some stuff. Had Willow go out to the butchers she should be back soon." She turned and went down the hall.

Untying the bandage carefully she exposed the wound again. Looking at the hole in his chest she saw the blood drying on his shirt sticking to his skin and the wound.

"We gotta take your shirt off." Spike looked at her worried features.

"Knew you were just waitin' to get me undressed." He chuckled lightly.

"Ha ha. Don't you just wish?

Faith walked back in then, hands full with a first aid kit and a pair of scissors.

"Soooo something I should know?" She asked.

Taking the scissors Buffy began to cut through the front of his black tee shirt. "He's undead. Again." She slowly unpeeled the shirt from his skin. Opening it wide she got a better look at his injury. The edges were a little torn and it wasn't as deep as she had thought it to be in the hotel. She reached into the first aid kit and started to recover the wound with some gauze.

"Got that memo. Felt the tinglies when he was still in the car." She touched Buffy's shoulder gently. "Was thinking that there was a little more to the story."

Spike looked into Buffy's eyes and watched as she wrestled with her feelings yet again. He spoke slowly and carefully.

"Powers brought me and the poofter back. Sent me to look after her." He watched the rogue, knowing that Angel and her had shared a kind of bond.

"Angel's alive?"

"No he's still dead just not as dead as we were." She rolled her eyes at him. "He's staying in L.A."

"And this was his choice?" She surprised him by her insight.

He shrugged a little at her. "It was suggested to him. Powers want him to start helpin' the helpless again."

"And they sent you here to look after Buffy. Yet she's the one patching you up?" She smirked at him again.

Finished bandaging him up Buffy stood up. Turning to face the other woman, she smiled.

"I know it seems just a little odd doesn't it? I mean usually I'm rescuing him." Her smile took the sting out of her words. Both girls chuckled at his large groan.

"So what’s the deal? Makin' with the happy again?" It sometimes unnerved Buffy the way she could just stab right to the heart of the matter.

"We worked some things out. But I'm thinking we should get everyone here before." She moved and sat next to Spike on the couch. "Besides the guys we just fought. Not your everyday sort of thing."

"I'll start calling them in then. Robin is gonna be pissed that he missed out on this." Buffy's gazed quizzically at her. "Bad luck to see the Bride before the wedding."

"You got someplace we can lie him down for awhile then?"

"Yeah just down the hall there's a spare room. Think you can manage on your own?" He nodded slightly at her. "Good B and I actually have a little work to do."

Gathering himself, he rose slowly to his feet. "Be fine just wake me when everyone gets here." He placed a hand on Buffy's shoulder and squeezed slowly. "Go and do whatever you birds do to get ready." He walked slowly down the hall.

Faith turned back to Buffy looking the blonde over. She noticed the strain on her face.

"He'll be fine. Just got to let that Vampire healing kick in. Come on let me show you my dress." Dragging her by the arm, they went down the hall together.


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