Disclaimer: I own NOTHING Joss is king of the Buffyverse. Lucky bastard.

Rating: NC-17. Please do not read if you are not old enough, it contains GRAPHIC sex scenes. You have been warned. If this offends you please go elsewhere.

Spike is a Vampire so of course there will be biting.

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Happy reading.

Summary: Songfic that just wouldn’t leave me alone.

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same

'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain

We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain

But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away

‘Gotta get out of here, out of Sunnyhell. She’ll never admit how she feels about me. I can’t bloody take it anymore. I love her so much.’ Spike sat in the tree outside her window watching her sleep.

If we could take the time
to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

‘If she could admit that she felt something… anything if she could tell someone… anyone that we’re together…but she can’t…or won’t. She’s such a stubborn bint.’ Spike inhaled deeply from the cigarette clutched between his fingers.

Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...
on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

‘Maybe I should just stay away from her…’ He exhaled the smoke from his dead lungs. ‘Can’t bloody well do that either, bint calls me to her like moth to flame.’

I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

‘Since her friends pulled ‘er out of heaven she hasn’t been the same. T’s like she’s broken. Wish more than anything my love could fix ‘er.’ He felt the tear rolling slowly down his cheek and wiped impatiently at it.

Sometimes I need some time...on my own
Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

‘How can I leave her? How can I even think it would be possible?’

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain

‘I know if ‘er friends could accept it…it know she could let herself love me. All I can do is strive for that…stop trying to make her see her darkness (Which by the way she denies is inside her) and embrace her light.’ Spike crushed his smoke against the rough bark of the tree.

Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

He took one last look at her and jumped down from the tree. He landed gracefully on the ground below. Without looking back he made his way out into the night. He didn’t see the shadow inside her window, watching him walk away, tears streaming silently down her cheeks.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Buffy lay in her bed, pretending to sleep, knowing he was out there watching her. Quite unexpectedly she felt him leaving. Jumping out of bed she ran to the window. ‘No! Don’t go! Where are you going?’

Desperate for changing, starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started, I'm chasing after you

‘How can I betray them the way I am? How can I have fallen for
another vampire? And a soulless one at that?’ Buffy wiped impatiently at the tears running silently down her cheeks.

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

‘He loves me. He really does. He’s proved it over and over.’ She rested her head against the cool windowpane, eyes following his movements. ‘He’s willing to take anything I give him, and only ask for me in return. How can I not love that?’

Forgetting all I'm lacking, completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation, you take all of me now

‘I want to tell him, but how? If I do he’d never let me go. He’d rub it in all of their faces…especially Xander…oh god.’

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

‘Does it really matter what they think anymore? I’m an adult…don’t I deserve to be happy? Especially after what they - the people who are supposed to love me the most – did to me. They pulled me out of heaven. They stopped me from being complete. So if I’ve found someone who completes me…who are they to judge?’ Buffy wiped away the fresh wave of tears that started.

There's nothing else to lose, there's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world that can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

Desperate for changing, starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started, I'm chasing after you

‘I want him. I want him and I need him…suddenly…it really doesn’t matter what they think.’ She moved from the window, walking over to her closet she grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt.

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

Just hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment here with you

Buffy tried to control the thundering of her heart as she left the house, running in search of her vampire.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Songs used November rain, Guns n Roses and Hanging by a Moment, Lifehouse.

“Spike?” She called knocking on the door to his crypt. Receiving no answer she gently pushed open the door. He was sitting on his chair staring at the blank TV screen. “Hey…sorry for barging in…you didn’t answer.”

“Sorry about that Slayer…don’t feel much like company right now.” He said softly. Buffy was stunned. He hadn’t called her slayer or refused her company in a long time.

“Oh…do you want me to leave?” She asked taking a few steps back towards the door, feelings hurt by his words she forgot the reason she came to find him.

“Doesn’t matter what I want does it?” He ran his hand through his hair, refusing to look at her.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked, walking around to the front of his chair so she could face him. .

“Nothin’. Not a bleeding thing. Did you stop by for a reason? Or got an ictch you need scratchin’?” Spike asked, still refusing to meet her eyes.

“What’s wrong Spike?” She asked kneeling in front of him and resting her palms on his knees.

He looked up, startled at her gentle touching. Nothing with Buffy was ever gentle. She was always rough with him. She wasn’t ever nice to him, so her asking him that was monumental to him. “Didn’t know you cared.” He couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice.

Buffy felt tears well up in her eyes. She closed them and sighed. “I know. I…I’m sorry Spike…” She opened them again to gaze into his pools of liquid blue. “I do care though, I want you to know that…I just…realized how I’ve been treating you…I want it to stop…”

Spike felt as if she had thrown holy water against him. He felt tears stinging his eyes but wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of seeing them fall. He stood up suddenly and pushed her roughly away. “I’ve heard this tune before Luv. Got the sheet music. Doesn’t change what you want.” He grabbed her arms roughly and pulled her against himself. Leaning down he kissed her forcefully. Running one hand up into her hair he pressed his mouth harder to hers, the other hand wrapped around her waist pulling her closer.

She tried to pull back. He pushed harder. Forcing her up against the cold wall of his crypt he licked up her jawline and took her earlobe into his ear.

She could taste the blood on her mouth from the force of the kiss. Buffy knew exactly what this was about. She could feel him pressed up against her most intimate parts, and he wasn’t hard. He couldn’t get hard when he knew he was hurting her.

“Spike stop.” She whispered. Her arms came up around him. She heard his choked sob.

“Buffy…Oh…god I’m sorry…I didn’t mean…I…”

“Spike…look at me…please…” She was using the same whispering tone. She could feel his body trembling against hers.

“Don’t please don’t…I love you so much…I can’t…I couldn’t take it if you left me…please luv.” He hadn’t lifted his head.

“Is this what you really want Spike? Me treating you badly and you letting me?”

“Anything…I’d do anything…I’ll let you…”

“No.” She spoke softly but firmly.

“Wh… Please luv…” He had his head buried against her neck. “Stake me? Will you? I know you hate me…”

“Look at me.”

He shook his head slightly, not moving it from it’s spot, nestled against her. “Can’t.” It was a whisper.

“Spike…I don’t want to break up with you.” She said softly, stroking the back of his head gently.

His head whipped up so fast she was sure he was going to get whiplash. Ice blue eyes full of fiery passion gazed intently into hers. “What did you just say?” He asked fearful he had misheard her.

“I said I don’t want to break up with you.” She smiled. “I want to…Spike I want us to have a real chance…it’s going to be hard. I don’t know if any of them will accept it…but if they don’t, we’ll just take Dawn and move. Faith is going to be getting out of jail soon, so if we can just wait until then, deal with it until then…”

“You’d leave Sunnyhell with me?” He asked. He was trembling again. This time with relief.

“The last few nights…when you’ve been outside my window and not come in, I’ve had a lot of time to think. I’ve discovered a few things.” She pulled him over to the couch and sat. Spike sat beside her. Buffy turned to him and lifted one of her legs over one of his so it rested there gently.

She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. Raising her hand she placed it gently against his cheek. “I love you.” She could see the shock on his face.

“You…” Spike couldn’t speak.

“Love you. Yes. I’ve treated you really badly Spike, and for that I am truly sorry. But I really want things to work between us. No matter what I’ve done or said you’ve never left me.”

“Could never leave you baby…” Spike whispered kissing her softly. “Love you so much…”

She pulled back from the kiss and looked into his eyes. “I love you too.”

“Feels like a dream…” He murmured leaning in to kiss her again.

“It’s not Spike. It’s real. Why don’t we go to the bronze…that’s where the gang is…I don’t want to waste anymore time. I want to tell them all right now.”

“Let’s get going then pet.”

“One thing…” He raised an eyebrow and she continued. “Could you try not to gloat? I mean Xander’s gonna be seriously pissed…”

“Anything for you my golden goddess.” Spike whispered pulling her against his chest. “If that’s all you’re askin’ is for me to play nice with your mates…I can do that…I can do anything for you.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Hey guys…” Buffy said sheepishly walking up to the table they were all gathered at.

“Buffy! You came! I’m so glad…” Dawn ran up and gave her a hug.

Quick greetings from the rest of the gang had Buffy shifting from foot to foot impatiently. “Listen guys…I need to tell you something…”

Everyone looked at her expectantly and she felt suddenly nervous and unsure.

“What is it Buffy?” Tara asked softly. Buffy’s eyes lighted on the kind witch and she couldn’t tear her gaze away. She started to speak softly.

“You guys want me to be happy right? I mean you really do…right?” Various nods and murmurs of consent from around the table gave her encouragement. “Well I…I’ve been spending time with someone lately…and he makes me happy. Really happy…I …I could see myself spending my life with this person happy…”

“That’s awesome Buffy.” Willow said excitedly.

“Yeah…it really is. I’ve gotten to know him really well…but I’m afraid you guys won’t give him a chance…” She bit her bottom lip. “I hope you will, I hope you’ll all give him a chance, I want to be with him. More than anything. I talked to him a lot when you guys pulled me out of heaven. He was always there for me. And he knows I’m the slayer, so big plus not having to hide that form him…”

“Who is it Buffy?” Dawn asked softly knowing this was going to break Spike’s heart.

“Before I tell you…I want you all to understand…I’m an adult…I’ve already made the decision to be with him, and if you don’t like it…I’m sorry but I can’t have you in my life. I have enough battles to fight without having to fight people I love about other people I love…” biting her lip again she glanced up at the balcony where he was waiting. She saw him standing there, looking down at her with a huge grin of his face. ‘Obviously he’s heard everything I’ve said.’ She smiled.

“Are you gonna tell us who it is or are we supposed to guess?” Anya asked. “And more importantly does he give you many orgasms?”

“My little sister is sitting right here, so no I am not discussing my orgasms with you.”

“So we’re supposed to guess who it is?” Willow looked at her in confusion.

“No. It’s Spike.” Buffy said glancing over to the stairs he was now descending.

“Spike the vampire Spike?” Xander asked.

Quickly glancing at him Buffy nodded. “Oh my god!” Congratulations. I knew you were perfect for each other.” Dawn squealed and jumped up from her chair to grab Buffy, and Spike who had just reached the table.

“Thanks Bit. How bout a celebratory round on me?” He offered.

“Want some help carrying it?” Xander shocked them all by offering.

Spike gazed at him for a second. “Sure whelp, come on.” He leaned over and kissed Buffy softly. “You ok?” He asked.

“Yeah. I really think I am.” She smiled and squeezed his hand before watching him walk off to get them a round of drinks.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Will you dance with me?” He asked, arm already wrapped around her.

She glanced around the table at her friends. They were watching the couple, all of them had smiles on their faces. Even Xander. She looked up at her vampire lover. “Of course.” She said happily. Taking his hand she let him lead her to the dance floor. Molding her body to his she leaned in to whisper in his ear. “I love you. And I’m really proud of the way you behaved yourself tonight.”

Silently they started moving to the rhythm of the song. They moved gracefully together, as if they had done it all of their lives.

In my life I've seen such things
That I wish I had not seen
But through your eyes
I can let it go
When you're lying here with me
Sunshine knocking on my window
Couldn't wake me from this dream
(we dream)
Cause baby
anywhere the wind blows
I will follow you
It seems
That in my life
I still believe in dreams
Where you are is where I'll be
It's all that really matters to me
The world out there
Hey can kiss my ass
As long as I've got you I'm free
Free
Sunshine knocking on my window
Couldn't wake me from this dream (we dream)
Cause baby anywhere the wind blows
I will follow you
It seems
That in my life
I still believe in dreams
The world out there can kiss my ass
As long as I’ve got you I'm free
Free
Sunshine knocking on my window
Couldn't wake me from this dream (we dream)
Cause I don't care which way the wind blows
I will follow you
It seems
That in my life
Cause in your life
You believe
In dreams

“Mmm that was nice.” Buffy smiled up at him.

“Yeah…why don’t I see if Willow and Tara will take Dawn for the night? I wan to go home and call Giles…tell him about us…”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Hey Giles. It’s Buffy…” She said, wrapping the cord around her finger. She was very nervous.

“Buffy! How are you?” Giles asked.

“Great actually. That’s kinda why I’m calling…”

“Oh? What is it?”

“I just…thought you should hear it from me before you heard it from anyone else…” She said nervously biting her bottom lip. Spike came up and wrapped his arms around her from behind. She gratefully leaned back against him.

“Hear what from someone else?” He asked cautiously.

“Spike and I are together.” She said softly. She heard him polishing his glasses, all the way from England across the phone line. “Are you still there?”

“Yes. I’m here…I just don’t know what to say…”

“How about congratulations?” She asked gripping the phone tighter.

“Is this what you really want Buffy? Does he make you happy?” Giles asked.

“Yeah…he really does Giles. I’ve never been happier…”

“Then I’m happy for you. You do deserve to be happy…”

“Thanks Giles…I’ll see you at Christmas still right?”

“Yes. I’m still coming.”

“Ok…I’ll see you then.”

“Yes.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Spike wrapped his arms around her and carried her upstairs. “Wasn’t so bad was it Luv?” He asked.

“No...not bad at all. Now everyone knows you’re my guy…” She said contentedly resting her head against his powerful shoulder.

He gently placed her on her feet near the bed and watched her slowly undress. “You are so beautiful Buffy…” He whispered falling to his knees in front of her. “Love you so much.” He trailed a path of kisses over her taut stomach.

Buffy threaded her fingers into his hair, messing up his carefully gelled locks. “Mmm”

“I love the way you smell…your scent is intoxicating…” He murmured inhaling deeply.

Buffy knelt in front of him. She pushed his duster from his shoulders and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her fingers trailed up into the back of his hair and pulled his mouth down for a sensuous kiss.

Breaking the kiss he gazed deeply into her eyes. “I love you.”

She smiled softly. “I love you too.” The pulled his black t-shirt out of his pants. He helped her lift it over his head. “You are the sexiest man I’ve ever laid eyes on.” She whispered into his mouth as she kissed him again.

His arms wound around her pulling her closer. She could feel his hardness through his jeans pressing into her naked flesh. “I think one of us is overdressed.” He fingers found the button of his jeans and popped it open roughly.

Spike let out a low growl. She felt it deep in the core of her body, sending tingles and heat rushing through her veins. Pulling him to his feet she helped him remove the rest of his clothing.

She gripped his hardened shaft in a firm grasp and started to stroke him slowly. He let out a hiss of pleasure. Leaning forward he captured her lips in a bruising kiss. Trailing his lips over her throat and neck he brought his lips to her ear. “You have no idea what you do to me woman.” He growled softly.

She smiled against his neck. Grabbing him by the wrist she brought his fingers down to her heated core. “Can you feel what you do to me? How wet you make me?” She asked as she rubbed his fingers into her wetness.

“Oh…Buffy…Luv…” He was panting. Buffy pushed him down onto the bed, his legs hanging over the edge. She got to her knees before him. Still holding his shaft in her hand she leaned down and licked at the wetness that had collected at the tip. Spike cried out and arched his back.

Buffy wrapped her lips around his cock and started to suck. “Ohhhhh”

His hands automatically reached for her golden locks. Entwining his fingers in her hair he guided her up and down his aching pulsating shaft. “Oh Buffy…”

“Mmmmm” She moaned against him. Spike could feel the vibrations all around his hardened length. She opened her eyes and saw the look of complete rapture on his face.

Spike opened his eyes and locked his gaze with hers. “I love you.” He mouthed silently.

She smiled with his hardened length still encased in her mouth. He tugged gently at her hair, drawing her up his body. “Come ‘ere” He whispered. She crawled up his body.

“You are…perfect…so bloody perfect…need to taste you…” He said bringing her lips to meet his. He rolled them over as their tongues dueled.

Once on top Spike broke the kiss and slid down her body, kissing licking and nipping at her sensitive flesh on the way. Inserting two fingers into her slick passage he flicked his tongue over her clit.

“Ahhhhh Spiiike.” She screamed arching her hips off of the bed to meet his tongue. “I love you…” Spike found what he was looking for deep inside her, she moaned and clawed at the sheets as he tapped against her g-spot. Opening her nether lips with his other hand he began to suck at her clit. Drawing it into his mouth his sucking became harder and more insistent.

Rocking her hips in time with his suckling Buffy screamed as she shattered, shockwaves of pleasure shooting through her body as she squirted hot cum all over his face.

Spike wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and crawled up her body with a predatory grin. He placed his hard cock against her slippery entrance and thrust in hard.

“Yes! Oh….yes…more…harder Spike…harder…” She screamed rocking her hips in time with his thrusting.

“Uhhhhh…” He moaned burying his face in her shoulder. She felt the bones in his face shift as his demon emerged.

She gripped the back of his hair in an iron tight fist and pulled him back so she could see his face.

“I’m sorry Luv, can’t help it…you drive me wild…”

“Never hide him from me. He’s part of you…and I love all of you…I trust you Spike…”

She could see the emotion in his yellow orbs, she could see the tears forming behind his eyes. “I want you to make me yours…”

Spike let out a strangled cry. He leaned forward, tongue tracing a pattern against her throat. He could feel her blood calling to him, begging him to complete her.

Sinking his fangs delicately into her throat he took an experimental pull of her blood. Buffy rocked and thrashed wildly under him, writhing in pleasure. “Spike…oh god…I’m yours…oh god…”

He could feel her walls clenching tighter around his hardness. With her blood in his mouth he lost control and spilled his seed deep into her womb. He pulled his fangs from her neck, taking care not to hurt her. Licking the wound gently the tears started to fall. “Mine. Buffy you are mine…” He whispered softly against her skin.

“Forever.” She whispered back. She wrapped her arms around him and held him while he cried.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Buffy woke up wrapped tightly against her lover. He was purring gently. She shifted her weight slightly. She could feel the claim he placed on her. She could feel the love he felt for her through the claim. Smiling softly when he tightened his arms around her she leaned over and kissed him gently. “Thank you for the best night of my life.” She whispered softly.

“Best night of mine too…” He whispered back. They cuddled closer and both drifted off into a deep peaceful sleep once again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Song used In Dreams John Waite

The END. Hope you liked. It wouldn’t leave me alone…and HEY a COMPLETE fic. Are you surprised? I am. Az.

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