Reflection of a Dream


Chapter 1 – Reflections


“I’m using you,” she murmured, taking a deep breath as he continued to stare at her. “I can’t love you. I’m just being weak and selfish…”

“Really not complaining here,” Spike said softly, taking a step toward her.

“…and it’s killing me.”

Frowning as he looked at her, he knew exactly where this was going. She was handling it a little more carefully than the others had, but the distinct feeling of his heart cracking in his chest was all too familiar. He knew it was only a matter of seconds before the desperation started to set in and the loneliness would catch up to him. Only a matter of time before he lost the only person he cared about.

“I have to be strong about this,” she said softly. “I’m sorry…William.”

He watched as she turned and walked away, knowing that she felt at peace with herself for the first time since they started their destructive relationship. Knowing that she probably considered herself to be better off without him. Knowing that she was probably right.

And his heart shattered.

* * * * *

Spike didn’t know how long he stood there with the same stricken look on his face. He realized it must have been hours once he sensed that the sun had set for the day.

Trying to control the churning feeling in his stomach, Spike slowly began to function, climbing the ladder and walking out of the crypt.

Making his way through the cemetery, he shoved his hands in the pockets of his duster, avoiding the path that Buffy usually took to patrol. If she needed to be strong about it, then he wouldn’t help to weaken her defenses. She had been weak for too long and he had used the opportunity to his advantage, wanting to get close to her. He should have done something different. He should have resisted her when she wanted to forget about everything and feel again. He should have helped her and not just helped her to forget.

“Why couldn’t it be different?” he said, looking up at the sky, his voice coming out in a raspy whisper. “Why couldn’t she just see how good it could have been between us?” he yelled, throwing his fist into the side of a nearby mausoleum, not noticing when his skin split open with the impact, letting the blood trail down his hand.

Taking a deep breath, he turned around, leaning against the side of the crypt and letting his head fall against it with a thud.

“Why couldn’t she love me?” he whispered, finally letting the tears spill free and run down his cheeks.

Allowing himself a few minutes of mourning, Spike slowly opened his eyes, pushing himself away from the cold stone.

How could he go through eternity like this? The pain was almost too much to bear. He had to restrain himself from walking in the direction of her house, wanting to watch after her the way he usually did, even if she never knew he was there. Refusing to go back to the man he’d once been, lurking in the shadows and waiting to catch a simple glimpse of the woman he loved, Spike began walking back to his crypt. There was no point in staying out any longer. He couldn’t hunt, he couldn’t patrol- unless he wanted to run the risk of seeing Buffy, and he wasn’t willing to reopen the wound that hadn’t even begun to close.

“Spike!”

Ignoring the sound of his name, he gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, willing the sound of her voice out of his mind.

“Spike!”

Unable to ignore it any longer, his brow furrowed as he turned to look over his shoulder, seeing Buffy running toward him with her long blonde hair flowing behind her.

“And now you’re hallucinating,” he muttered to himself.

Hearing the soft thump of her feet hitting the ground and smelling the lavender that seemed to follow her, Spike’s eyes widened as he fully turned around, catching the Slayer in his arms when she practically leaped toward him. He didn’t think it was possible for a vampire to have a heart attack, but the feel of her lips against his in a desperate kiss nearly caused one.

Wishing that he was strong enough to resist her, Spike eagerly returned the kiss, enjoying the feel of her warm lips against his for, possibly, the last time.

Pulling away breathlessly, Buffy looked up at him with wide, uncertain eyes. An underlying look of relief settled over her features.

“What happened?” she asked, looking at his stunned face.

“Don’t know, Slayer,” he said, still studying her. “What are you talking about?”

“I was…you were…Spike, I don’t understand.”

“You’re going to have to be more clear, love. Are you alright?”

“I-I think so,” she said softly, looking down at herself as if she was double-checking that she was intact. Spike noticed her hands were shaking. His gaze slowly moved upward to settle on her face, and he nearly lost his balance when he saw the pure adoration in her eyes that was directed toward him. “I don’t understand- one minute I was right there with you and then the next…”

“You talking about this afternoon, pet?” he asked in confusion.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Right now. I’m talking about just a few…”

Trailing off when she saw his eyes grow wide, Buffy turned to look over her shoulder, wondering what he was staring at. Not seeing anything, she slowly turned back to face him. “What’s wrong?”

“Your hair,” he said in a raspy whisper.

Self-consciously bringing her hands up to touch the silky strands, a soft pout formed on her features as she tried to realize what he was talking about. “Yeah?”

“It’s…it’s long.”

“Spike, are you okay?”

“When did you…how did you…”

“Okay, you’re adding an extra layer of wig onto my already freaky night.”

“It’s a wig?” he asked in uncertainty.

“No- wiggy night, not ‘wig’. It’s my…Spike, I’m really starting to get freaked out.”

“What were you talking about?” he asked, looking at her with the same shocked expression, trying to snap out of the shock that he seemed to be in. “You were with me a few minutes ago?”

“Uhh…yeah,” she replied with her patience obviously running thin.

“Tell me.”

“Tell you what?” she asked, looking up at him in confusion.

“Tell me what we were doing.”

Glancing to the side as her mind wandered, Spike watched the soft pout form on her bottom lip as her eyebrows drew together. “We were at home,” she said, not noticing the way his body jerked when she said ‘home’ in reference to the two of them. “I went into the kitchen to get a drink and get you some blood and then wham!” she cried, making a wild gesture with her hands.

“Your head exploded?” he replied, unable to keep the slight smile from his lips as she rolled her eyes and smacked him in the chest.

“Spike, this is serious!”

“I don’t see how it can be, Goldilocks. We weren’t at your house, and you sure as hell weren’t getting me anything.”

“But…but we were,” she whispered, her eyes becoming watery as she tried to convince him. “And then, all of a sudden, I just wind up in the cemetery. I don’t even know how I got here…or how you got here, for that matter.”

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Spike said, growing more concerned as she remained adamant. “You ended things with me today, Buffy. Do you not remember that? I’m not your dirty little secret anymore, so why don’t you go home before you do something that you know you’ll regret later?”

“Ended?” she whispered in shock, shaking her head, causing Spike to frown as her longer hair swept around her shoulders. “No. I wouldn’t…I would never end things with you.”

“Stop,” he growled, stepping away from her when she tried to close the distance between them.

“Spike-”

“Just stop!” he yelled, grabbing her shoulders and throwing her against the side of a crypt, pinning her in place as the last of his sanity seemed to slip out of his grasp. “Is this one of your fucking games!?” he yelled, shaking her, trying to ignore the tears that were spilling from her eyes or the way her chin was quivering. “You want to rip my heart out and then pretend that we had some kind of fantasy relationship? You’re a lot more heartless than I ever gave you credit for.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked, shaking her head as he glared at her. “I didn’t…I’m telling the truth! Why don’t you remember? You know I would never hurt you…I’m yours, Spike. Please remember,” she whispered, breathing a little easier when she felt his hold loosen. “I’m yours.”

Letting go of her shoulders, he took a step away from her, needing as much distance as he could get. “You were never mine,” he said softly.

Her chin quivering as she brought her hand up to her hair, she slowly brushed it away from her neck to reveal the pale scar that resided there. “I’ve always been yours.”

Taking a deep breath as he took a hesitant step toward her, Spike slowly reached out, cupping her cheek in his hand to tilt her head a little, further exposing the scar. Narrowing his eyes thoughtfully, he trailed his hand down the column of her throat, letting his thumb brush over the scar that had obviously been reopened on more than one occasion.

His eyes widening when he realized it was his mark, Spike staggered away from her, shaking his head. “I never bit you,” he whispered. “Knew you’d never forgive me, if I did…I never…”

But the fact remained that she was wearing his mark. More than one.

“You didn’t just bite me,” she said softly, obviously treading lightly since she didn’t know why he was acting so strange. “You claimed me.”

“When?” he asked, slowly raising his eyes to hers.

“Four years ago.”

Chapter 2 – Wondering…


“Spike, we have to take a break,” Buffy said, giggling when his arms banded even tighter around her waist, holding her on his lap.

“Says who?” he replied with a playful growl before attacking her neck with renewed energy.

Giggling as his blunt teeth gently nipped at her throat, Buffy closed her eyes in contentment.

“You realize that my lips are bruised, right?” she breathed, feeling him hesitate for a brief moment before continuing his ministrations. “Spike,” she giggled. “I’m serious. You know I love this as much as you do, but I do need a break every now and then.”

Pulling away, reluctantly, Spike gave her a heavy sigh, letting his grip loosen. “Alright, you win,” he muttered in a sulking tone.

Gently running her finger along his pouting lip, she gave him a soft smile. “All this time, and it’s like you still can’t get enough of me.”

“You know I can’t,” he murmured, leaning forward to brush his lips against hers. “I’ll never get enough of you.”

Giving him a tender smile, Buffy played with the hair at the back of his neck, letting her nails gently scrape along the skin that she encountered. “I feel the same way,” she whispered, kissing his forehead before disentangling herself from his hold, standing up to stretch. “I’m going to get a drink- you want anything?”

“Feeling a bit peckish,” he replied, looking her up and down with a playful leer. “Could think of something to fill me up.”

“Bad boy,” she said with a smile.

Wrapping his arms around her waist with lightening quick speed, he jerked her toward him, letting his chin rest against her stomach as he looked up at her. “Don’t forget it, baby,” he said in a husky whisper before lifting her shirt and leaving a gentle bite on her stomach.

“Alright, Big Bad,” she replied with a bright smile. “I’ll be right back.”

Reluctantly letting her go, Spike flopped back on the couch, giving her a heavy sigh of disapproval.

“Two minutes,” she said, chuckling as she walked into the kitchen.

Opening the refrigerator door, Buffy felt a weird pulling sensation that started in her stomach and seemed to spread through her body. Blinking to clear her suddenly blurry vision, she gasped before falling to the floor, unconscious.

* * * * *

“And what you remember,” Spike said slowly. “Is that I claimed you?”

“Years ago,” Buffy replied. “Not today.”

“Little farfetched, even for you,” he said, looking at her skeptically as she stood in front of him with a pleading gaze.

“Spike, please…why don’t you remember?”

“Because that’s not exactly the way it…”

Spike’s eyes widened in shock before shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re not her,” he muttered in realization.

“I-I don’t know what you mean,” she whispered, obviously becoming distressed that she couldn’t get him to believe her. “I don’t know what’s going on and I just…I just want you to tell me it will be okay.”

Seeing the woman he loved, or the reflection of the woman he loved, suddenly burst into tears, Spike couldn’t help but pull her into his arms, murmuring soothing words to her as she cried. “Come on, pet,” he said softly, keeping one arm firmly around her shoulders as they walked through the cemetery. “I think I figured it out, but we’ll let the witches do a little research first.”

“What’s going on?” she murmured, sniffling to hold back the tears.

“I think it’s a spell,” he said softly. “You’re not the Buffy I know and I’m obviously not the Spike that you know.”

“You mean like an alternate reality?” she asked in confusion.

“I think so,” he muttered. “And your reality sounds a hell of a lot better than mine.”

Looking up at him with a mixture of warmth and sadness, Buffy leaned into his side, taking comfort in the familiar body and hoping to give a little of her own, even if it wasn’t the man she knew.

“So…in yours, he claimed you?” he asked after a moment.

“Yeah,” she murmured as a confused expression settled on her face.

“What’s the face for, Goldilocks?”

“What about here?” she asked, turning to look at him. “I mean…it can’t be that different. My feelings for you couldn’t have altered so much…”

She trailed off as her eyes widened before gasping and bringing her hand to her mouth.

“I…she’s not…”

“No,” Spike said softly, shaking his head, marveling at how confusing this conversation was. “She’s not dead. But she doesn’t feel the same way.”

“And you love her?” Buffy asked, trying to wrap her mind around the idea that this wasn’t her Spike.

“More than anything,” he whispered, putting an end to the conversation as they continued walking.

Seeing her house in the distance, Buffy let a smile slowly upturn her lips as she looked at the warm glow of the lights that poured through the windows. The smile soon faded away as she sighed. “I’m guessing that Mom isn’t in there to greet me, is she?” she murmured, biting her lip as she turned to look at Spike.

“No, pet. She’s not,” he muttered, hating himself for having to bring about that bit of bad news.

Seeing the look on his face, Buffy gave him a gentle smile. “It’s okay. She’s not around in my timeline, either.”

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, wanting to reach out and comfort her, reminding himself that this wasn’t the woman he loved.

Walking up the steps of the front porch, Spike wasn’t sure what to expect. Did this Buffy switch places with the woman he knew? Or were there currently two Slayers occupying the Hellmouth?

Recognizing the indecision on his face, Buffy stayed quiet as he stared at the door, knowing that something was happening in this reality that she didn’t understand. There were a lot of things in this reality that she didn’t understand.

Hesitantly raising his hand to knock on the door, both Spike and Buffy jumped when the door opened to reveal the other Slayer.

Spike looked at the woman in front of him, knowing that she was the Slayer he knew. Her blonde hair whispered over her shoulders as she looked up at him with a sympathetic expression.

‘She was never yours, you pillock,’ he thought angrily, trying to control the pain that seemed to race through him.

“I…I don’t think it’s such a good idea, you being here right now, Spike,” she whispered softly.

Standing in the shadows, Buffy stared at her mirror image and the man who was obviously head over heels in love with her. She could see the indecision on the woman’s face and the underlying pain, but she had a feeling Spike couldn’t see it, considering he was obviously trying to control what he was feeling.

“I know that,” he replied in a low voice, looking over toward the shadows of the porch. “But there’s a little problem that needed to be brought to your attention.”

“What’s that?” she asked softly. Following Spike’s gaze, her eyes widened when her double stepped into the light.

Seeing that his Slayer was about to attack, Spike quickly stepped between the two women. “Easy, Slayer,” he said in a harsh voice, noticing her flinch at the distant tone. “She’s one of you white hats. Different reality or some rot like that.”

“An alternate universe?” she whispered in confusion.

“The only thing I can come up with,” he replied, avoiding her eyes, not wanting her to see the pain in his. “Do your thing. Call Red downstairs or get Glenda on the phone and start working your mojo.” Turning away from the door, Spike looked at the unfamiliar Slayer, trying to give her a soft smile, even though she represented everything that he could have, but didn’t. “Have a safe trip, love,” he said with a slight nod.

Watching Spike interact with the other woman, Buffy gripped the door casing, trying to curb the jealous sensation that was spreading through her system as she listened to the endearment.

‘All he did was talk to her. You were the one who broke up with him…you didn’t even break up with him, because you were never together…right?’

So lost in thought, Buffy didn’t even realize that Spike was walking away, leaving her alone with her doppelganger. “Umm…sorry,” she muttered, feeling as if she was looking at the Buffybot as the other girl walked through the door, giving her an understanding smile. “We’ll get Willow and Tara working on this because…wow, this is just too weird. In the meantime…uh…Buffy…I’m thinking one of us should go by a different name. Cut down on the confusion.”

“You’re probably right,” the other Slayer replied slowly, obviously a little unsettled being in her home, but not really being in herhome. “I guess you can call me Anne. Your house, your rules, you might as well keep your name.”

Buffy merely nodded, trying not to let her attention wander to the door, wondering where Spike was. Wondering what he was thinking. Wondering if he missed her.

Chapter 3 – Filling in the Blanks


“This is just too weird,” Dawn said, staring back and forth between the two blondes.

“Uh…yeah,” Anne said, nodding slightly. “I guess…who are you again?”

Buffy and Willow looked up from their conversation- all thoughts of how to get the other Buffy back where she came from were gone as they heard the question.

“You don’t know Dawn?” Buffy asked, her lips parting in confusion.

“Should I?” she replied, looking around the room at the perplexed faces.

“Dawn’s my sister,” Buffy said, trying to come up with a logical explanation why Anne wouldn’t know her.

Willow quickly jumped in and filled in the other woman on what happened the year before.

“Oh,” Anne said, her eyes wide in surprise. “Okay.”

“I’m not in your world?” Dawn asked, becoming slightly uncomfortable.

“Well…Glory was never a big threat for me,” she said, sitting up a little straighter when three gazes were directed at her, each with an expression of disbelief. “She was strong,” Anne continued, feeling the need to correct herself. “But she was taken out of the equation pretty fast.”

“Meaning…?” Dawn asked, still looking confused.

“Spike and I were at the factory the first night I saw her. We fought for a while and my back got hurt. Spike got me out of the building and went back in- he said that he saw Glory change into some guy and he…he killed him.”

“The Spike in your world doesn’t have a chip?” Willow asked, her eyes wide.

“Like the Initiative did to those demons a couple of years ago?” Anne asked, her brows furrowed in confusion. “No. Why? Does this one?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, looking down at her hands, wondering why Spike was with her at the factory that night. She knew that Dawn had been there at the time- she had a clear memory of her. Of course, she had a clear memory of everything, knowing that in her mind, Dawn had always been there.

“When Spike killed Ben, the portal hadn’t opened,” Willow whispered, keeping her voice low so Dawn couldn’t overhear. “My best guess? Dawn’s blood opening the portal bound her to this world. She was probably in the other Buffy’s dimension, but…the best example I can come up with is that she faded away and there was a reverse effect since the Key wouldn’t need to be protected. I’d have to do some research on it, but I think we’re looking for something in that ballpark.”

“The same way I remember Dawn in the past, she doesn’t remember the time she had with her.”

“Mirror image,” Willow said with a slight grin. “You’re the same in every way, except for a few distinct differences.”

“So…what’s it like in your reality?” Dawn asked Anne excitedly, drawing Buffy’s attention back to the two other young women in the room.

“Dawn,” she said in a warning tone, raising an eyebrow at her sister.

“What? Like you’re not going to be asking a lot of questions?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“It’s late,” Buffy said, turning toward the other blonde. “I guess we should probably patrol a little.”

“I’ll be at the Magic Box,” Willow said, gathering the few books she’d been reading. “I’ll try and figure out what we’re dealing with and how to get you back,” she said to Anne.

“Thanks, Wills,” she said, smiling slightly.

“Come on,” Buffy said, walking toward the stairs. “You can use some of my clothes, and we can go bag the vamps.”

Anne followed the other woman out of the living room and up the stairs. Quickly changing into a black sweater and red leather pants, Anne caught a glimpse of the bed through the mirror. Her heart was filled with a dull ache as she wished for her Spike to be in this dimension. Jumping in surprise when she heard Buffy speak, she turned toward the other woman.

“I have to ask,” Buffy said, curling a leg under her body as she sat down on the bed, watching the reflection of the other woman.

“You want to know what my life is like,” Anne replied with a smile, turning around to face Buffy before walking toward the bed and sitting down, curling a leg beneath her in a similar pose.

“Yeah,” Buffy said with a sheepish smile. “If you don’t want to tell me, I completely understand-”

“No, it’s okay,” she said, shaking her head. “I just don’t really know where to begin. I mean…where do the differences start?”

“Well…when did you get called as the Slayer?” Buffy asked.

“When I was fifteen,” Anne replied, focusing on a point on the wall as she remembered. “Merrick was my first Watcher.”

“And at first he just seemed like this creepy old guy,” Buffy filled in, smiling with the other woman.

“Okay, so we have that in common,” Anne said with a giggle. “I came to Sunnydale when I was sixteen, Giles was my Watcher, met up with Willow and Xander.”

“Check, check, and check,” Buffy replied, smiling at the happier memory.

“I killed the Master, Spike came to town a few months later, and the rest is history.”

Buffy blinked.

“Excuse me?” she asked softly, feeling an unfamiliar churning in her stomach at the mention of Spike, remembering what she’d said to him earlier that day.

“Spike,” Anne said with a slight smile, already pinpointing the moment where their timelines must have split. “William the Bloody. The hottie vamp that walked me over here,” she said in a teasing voice.

Ignoring the twinge of jealousy, Buffy took a deep breath. “Yeah, but…‘the rest is history’,” she repeated. “What’s ‘the rest’? Definitely not remembering that, and I sure don’t remember anything being classified as ‘history’.”

“Well,” Anne said slowly, trying to remember the earlier details of their relationship. “He showed up…a lot happened…history.”

“When?” Buffy asked in disbelief.

“Come on, you can’t tell me you don’t remember,” she said with a smile.

“Remember…what?” she asked, obviously confused.

“The clapping,” Anne said, nearly giggling as she remembered. “Staking the vamp outside of the Bronze, and he just comes out of nowhere and starts clapping.”

“I remember,” Buffy said with a slight smile, picking at the comforter as the memory came back to her.

“Do you remember how you felt?”

“Nervous,” she replied, looking up at the woman who was her, by all rights, and seeing the disbelief on her face. “You weren’t?”

“After a minute, yeah,” Anne replied. “But that first moment…the second that he walked out of the shadows…you don’t remember that flippy feeling in your stomach? The way his eyes looked as he stared at you with such intensity? The way everything seemed to fade out for the briefest moment?”

Taking a deep breath, Buffy slowly nodded. “Yeah,” she whispered. “I remember that.”

“After that, everything just kind of fell into place,” Anne said with a shrug. “Spike broke into the school and tried to threaten me, then he bit me.”

Buffy nodded as she remembered that night before looking over at Anne in shock. “Excuse me?”

“Which part?” Anne asked, looking confused.

“The bitey part?”

“Um…we fought,” Anne said, her eyebrows furrowing as she remembered the events of that night. “He hit me with a two-by-four and then bit me.”

“That’s where it changed,” Buffy murmured, her eyes going wide. “In my reality- this reality- Mom hit him with an axe.”

“Wow! She did?” Anne asked excitedly, giggling at the image of her mother wielding and axe and what Spike’s expression would have been.

“What happened after that?”

“He took a lot of blood,” Anne said, nodding as she remembered. “But he didn’t kill me…told me that he wasn’t finished with me yet. Just kind of left me there. I recovered pretty quickly and went home. He went through this whole phase where he followed me on patrols and watched me fight. I teased him later, asking why he didn’t just send a minion, and he said it was because he liked to watch me fight. He said it was a silent dance between us.”

“Could have danced all night with that one.”

“You think we're dancing?”

“That's all we've ever done.”

Shaking her head to clear it of the memory, Buffy took a deep breath. “That sounds about right,” she murmured before looking up once again. “And you two are…together?” she asked, her brows furrowed in confusion.

“For the last four years,” she said with a nod, causing Buffy’s eyes to widen.

“But…what about your friends?” she asked, staring at Anne in confusion.

“What about ‘em?” she asked with a shrug. “It’s my life. They weren’t exactly happy about it, but they love me and want me to be happy. It’s not like Spike’s still feeding on people- I got him out of that really quickly,” she said with a smile. “I guess that would be the very definition of ‘conflict of interests’.”

“But…I don’t understand,” Buffy murmured, looking down at the bedspread. “He’s soulless.”

“You have no idea how many times I tried to tell myself that when I wanted to talk myself out of it,” Anne said, studying the other woman carefully as she spoke, noticing the slight flinch when she spoke. “But the bottom line is- what’s a soul? I mean…what does it do, exactly?” she asked. “It doesn’t really tell you right from wrong- it just gives you guilt. Humans have souls and they still kill all the time and rape and torture. I thought a lot about it and realized that if Spike could choose between right and wrong, well…that’s better than guilt any day of the week.”

Reeling from the information she was being given, Buffy took a deep breath. “What about Drusilla?”

“She was…around,” Anne said, obviously pained about the subject. “Spike didn’t really find a cure for her, so she just got weaker and weaker until she wouldn’t even feed anymore.”

“She’s dead?” Buffy asked, watching Anne nod. “Did he…did he choose you over her?”

“It’s a tough situation,” Anne said with a nervous smile, tucking a lock of long blonde hair behind her ear. “Obviously- yes, he chose me over her. But at the same time…when Spike loves someone, he doesn’t do it lightly. He wasn’t going to turn his back on Dru, but he wasn’t spending a lot of time trying to find a cure, and I know that he didn’t want it to end that way.”

Buffy nodded as Anne turned toward her. This time, it was her turn to have the confused expression. “What about you?” she asked. “You and Spike? There’s obviously got to be something. I know from first-hand experience that he can’t be ignored,” she said with a grin.

“It’s…complicated,” Buffy said softly, avoiding the other girl’s eyes as she looked down at her hands.

“Buffy,” Anne said, gaining her attention once again. “When is it ever easy?”

“I just…there’s a lot that’s different. I never…Spike and I…”

“I’m listening,” Anne said softly, seeing the pain on the other woman’s face, confused at what possibly could have put that expression there.

“Angel,” Buffy murmured, raising her eyes to Anne’s. “What about Angel?”

“Mr. Tall Dark and Brooding?” Anne asked, shrugging when Buffy nodded. “He was around for a while. Never really a big part of my life, if that’s what you’re wondering. He was kind of there, but he always remained the lurky guy. What is he to you?” she asked in confusion.

“More,” Buffy replied softly, looking up when she heard a snort. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” Anne said, shaking her head. “I guess I just…I mean, he was okay at first, but…the overbearing thing really got old. And so did the cryptic messages. I guess I just grew out of my fan-girl phase and went right into the bad-boy phase. I grew up,” she said with a shrug, unknowingly insulting Buffy.

“You have no idea what he meant to me…to this world.”

“Is he still alive?” Anne asked, leaning back on her hands.

“Yeah,” Buffy said quietly, looking down at the comforter.

“Then where is he?”

“He left,” she murmured.

“Love of your life, huh?” Anne asked in a slightly mocking voice.

“Yeah,” Buffy said irritably, making eye contact with her mirror image. “What about it?”

“The love of your life doesn’t leave.”

“It was for my own good,” Buffy said defensively.

“So it was your decision, then?”

“Well…no.”

“So…the best decision for you was for you not to make your own decisions,” Anne said with a raised eyebrow.

“He wanted me to have a normal life,” Buffy said, avoiding the other woman’s eyes once again.

“How’s that workin’ out for you?”

“Where do you get off being all superior?” Buffy asked, getting to her feet and pacing the room. “You’re the one who’s shacking up with a soulless demon.”

“Yeah,” Anne agreed with a nod, waiting until Buffy looked her in the eye before continuing. “And guess which one of us is the happy one.”

“That’s not…”

“Fair?” Anne filled in, pulling her hair into a high ponytail as she spoke. “Since when is life fair? I’m the… we’re Slayers,” she said, finishing her task and giving Buffy a shrug. “We don’t get much happiness in the world. We don’t get many moments when we’re able to forget about everything and just be Buffy. So when you find that, you have to grab onto it and hold it as tight as you can. Now, I’m asking you,” she said, standing up and moving to stand in front of Buffy, crossing her arms over her chest. “I believe you when you say you loved Angel…but who do you think of now?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

“Who do you want to be with?” Anne asked. “Who do you need? Who fills every waking hour?”

‘Spike.’ Buffy’s mind automatically flashed to his face, leaving her to briefly close her eyes, remembering the sorrow that she had caused him.

“I’ve learned to depend on him,” Anne continued, studying the other woman, knowing exactly who she was thinking of. “Maybe that’s a flaw of mine. Maybe a Slayer shouldn’t depend on anyone. I’ve known you an hour and I can already tell that you’re a lot more independent than I am.”

“Thanks,” Buffy said, narrowing her eyes, not taking what was being said at face value.

“And you’re lonely,” she continued, trying to give her a slight smile before turning and walking toward the door. “Think about whether it’s better to be lonely and please everyone around you or whether your happiness is more important.”

Chapter 4 – Open Opinions


“So, what’s your story?” Anne asked as they walked toward the Magic Box later that night.

“My story?” Buffy asked, glancing over at the cheerful young woman, wondering if she had ever been that carefree.

“Yeah… you must have a story. I get that you had a thing with Angel, but there has to be something else to you besides that relationship.”

Thinking for a minute, Buffy finally took a deep breath. “I died last year,” she said, making conversation.

“You… you what?” Anne asked, stopping and turning to face her in disbelief.

“Remember that little ritual that Glory had to do? Well, I didn’t exactly pass the test.”

“What happened?”

“It was me or Dawn,” Buffy said, slowly walking along the sidewalk. “I had to protect my sister.”

“How are you here?”

“Willow,” she stated, her expression darkening slightly. “She brought me back.”

“How long were you… gone?”

“One hundred and forty seven days,” she murmured, hearing Spike’s soft words as he spoke them to her on the night she returned. The gentle way he had hesitantly touched her shoulder, almost afraid to touch her as if she wouldn’t be real. The way he held her hands, offering his silent support and sympathy.

And then the way it all went to hell. Starting with how she turned their warm friendship into a relationship of cold indifference on her part.

Nervously tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, she cleared her throat, looking up to see the Magic Box in the distance. “They thought I was in hell.”

“And you weren’t,” Anne said with a sigh, nearly shaking her head in disbelief.

“I wasn’t,” she murmured.

“Were you…”

“I was happy,” Buffy whispered, looking down at the ground.

“And now you’re not?”

“Is it that obvious?” Buffy asked, turning toward the other woman.

“Let’s just say- you don’t seem particularly overjoyed with your life.”

“Why should I be?” she asked irritably, obviously angry at the situation and not at Anne.

“Maybe because you have things to live for,” Anne said softly, not wanting to get into a fight with a woman who was her equal.

“Like what?” Buffy muttered, obviously not expecting an answer.

“Like… friends who will do anything for you, who are willing to die to make sure you’re not spending eternity in Hell. I know you weren’t,” she added quickly when Buffy looked at her. “I know they should have done something more…something better, but…they didn’t. And you’re here- you’re meant to be here, Buffy. You’re needed. I’ve been here for a few hours and I can see that.”

“I guess,” she said softly.

“And you have a sister who loves you. That’s something I don’t have. You willingly died for her and hey,” she added brightly. “Now she owes you for life.”

Smiling slightly, Buffy stopped when she felt Anne’s hand on her arm before they reached the shop.

“And you have Spike,” she said, looking into Buffy’s eyes.

“What?” she asked, her eyes wide with shock.

“I’m not blind,” Anne said. “I saw the way you two looked at each other. I know he loves you and I know… there’s something there.”

“There’s nothing,” Buffy said, not putting any weight behind her words. “There… there might have been at one time, but…”

“You screwed it up,” Anne filled in, opening the door to the Magic Box and leaving Buffy standing outside.

“What?” Buffy asked, quickly following the other girl into the shop. “What do you mean? What I had with Sp… hi, guys,” she said, cutting herself off just in time as Xander and Anya came into view.

“The robot’s back?” Xander asked.

“No,” Buffy replied, shaking her head as she looked around the area for Willow.

“The monks made another person out of you to open a portal with her blood?” Looking at all of the strange looks he was getting, Xander took a step back. “What? Ooh, I know- they’re both Buffy!” he said with a bright smile, proud to know the answer.

“Well… yeah… kind of,” Buffy said, glancing at her alternate self. “Willow didn’t fill you in?”

“Nah, she did. I just wanted to mess with you for a while.”

Rolling her eyes, Buffy wandered through the shop, toward the table that was covered with books. “Is Willow not here yet?”

“She’s in the back. Tara’s stopping by, and I think she’s primping,” Anya said. “No reason on why there’s a duplicate of you running around.”

“I’m glad Willow told me. I probably would have thought Spike had another sexbot made,” Xander said.

“What?” Anne asked, looking over at Buffy in time to see her flinch.

“That story really doesn’t need an explanation,” Buffy said, looking over at the other woman.

“That would be like him,” he continued. “His first toy gets taken away and then destroyed, and he just has another one built.”

Anne frowned, obviously disturbed with this little bit of information and the cavalier way that Xander was talking about Spike. “Interesting,” she muttered, getting an uncomfortable knot in the pit of her stomach.

“Yeah, you haven’t heard all the joyous stories of our famed defanged menace,” he continued.

“Pray tell,” Anne replied dryly, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Nah, why not just let her figure it out on her own?”

“Do you guys not like Spike?” she asked, seeing Buffy’s eyes dart around the room.

“He’s very pleasant to look at,” Anya said, causing a slight smile to cross Anne’s face before she turned to look at the only man in the room.

“Xander?”

“I guess he’s okay when Buffy’s not around,” he said with a shrug. “But then he turns into Obsesso guy.”

“And why is that a bad thing?” Anne asked, crossing her arms over her chest, not caring who she offended in this dimension.

“It’s just… gross,” he said, making a face.

“And why is it gross?” she replied. “You’re with Anya.”

“What? That’s not the same thing,” Xander said, obviously not liking this version of Buffy.

“It’s not?” she said in amusement, glancing over to see that Buffy had practically shrunk into the wall. “You’re dating an attractive person who just happens to have killed people over one thousand years and was forced to reform. Gee, I guess you’re right- not the same at all. Anya was obviously a lot worse.”

Anya raised an eyebrow, obviously flattered by the comment. Listening to Xander sputter for a few moments, Anne finally rolled her eyes. “So Spike fights by your side and you still don’t give him the recognition he deserves?”

“What’s with the jump on Spike bandwagon?” Xander said, glancing between Buffy and Anne, obviously preferring one to the other.

“Because he’s my mate,” Anne said, trying to hold herself back from adding ‘dumbass’ to the end of that statement.

“What?” Xander asked in shock. “You’re actually with Captain Peroxide?”

Hearing the near explosion that came from Xander, Anne held out a hand, surprisingly silencing him. “Yeah,” she countered, crossing her arms over her chest in a challenging pose. “Do you have a problem with that?”

“Well… yeah,” he said, looking at her as if she was crazy.

“I don’t need this crap. I’ve already been through it, and it wasn’t that much fun the first time around. So let me fill you in- eventually you will get over yourself and whatever jealousy you might still have and you realize that I’m your friend and you want me to be happy.”

“But…with him?”

“Xander…get over it,” Anne said, seeing Buffy looking worried. “It’s my life, my decision, and my happiness that we’re talking about, so just get over it. I don’t need this,” she said, facing off with the Scoobies, seeing Willow come out of the back room with a confused expression on her face. “I’ve been through this already, and let me fill you in on the outcome. You stop being such a hypocrite,” she said, gesturing to Xander before turning to Willow. “You get over it really fast because you’re my best friend and you only want me to be happy. And you,” she continued, turning to Buffy. “You actually realize what you have and will do anything to get it back.”

Turning toward the door, leaving a dumbstruck Xander behind her, Anne stopped to look at Buffy questioningly. “You just let him talk about him like that, all the time?” she asked, a slightly hurt expression on her face at the thought of how that must make Spike feel. Seeing Buffy avert her eyes, she shook her head in disbelief. “You let him say those things when he’s here, don’t you? I’ll see you.”

“Where are you going?” Buffy asked, watching as Anne walked toward the door, never looking back as she waved.

“Out.”

“Well, that was… weird and unpleasant,” Xander said, almost talking to himself. “What if Spike did construct another bot?”

“What?” Buffy asked, turning around.

“What if he had another one made that’s supposedly from a dimension where he’s the perfect vampire, just to get you to look at him twice?”

Cringing at the very idea, Buffy slowly crossed the room, glancing at the door as she contemplated what she’d just been told.

“And of course she must come to our wedding,” Anya said in a chipper voice. “Let her know that gifts are mandatory.”

“What did she mean that you realize what you have?” Willow asked, looking at Buffy. “You’ve never been ungrateful about anything you have.”

Avoiding her friend’s gaze, Buffy turned and sat down at the round table.

“And what did she mean, I’m a hypocrite?” Xander asked.

Buffy rolled her eyes, opening another book, trying to distract herself by flipping through it.

Chapter 5 – Unique Replica


Using the claim that was practically nonexistent in this dimension, Anne walked through the cemetery until she came to a crypt that was practically pulling her toward it.

Hesitantly knocking on the door, she smiled when it opened to reveal the blonde vampire. “Hi,” she said softly.

“Thought you were leaving, pet,” he said, an amused smile on his face as he leaned against the doorway.

“I think they’re working on it,” she said, gesturing into the darkness before a slight pout formed. “It’s possible.”

“Possible?”

“Well, I kinda pissed off the Scoobies. Or at least, Xander.”

“Really?” he asked, raising an eyebrow and biting his bottom lip. “And what did you say to upset the whelp?”

“I defended you.”

“Enough said,” he replied, giving her a kind smile. “That leads me to my next question- why are you here?”

“I kind of… I miss him,” Anne whispered, glancing at the ground for a moment.

Giving her a sympathetic look, Spike stepped out of the way, allowing her to enter the crypt. “If I’d known you were coming, I would have tidied up a bit,” he said with a smile.

“Yeah, it is a little dusty in here,” she teased, walking around the crypt. “But I like it… you’ve fixed it up.”

Hearing the same phrase in the same tone of voice that he’d heard weeks earlier from his Buffy caused Spike to pause as he walked toward the small refrigerator.

“Uh… yeah,” he murmured, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and taking a long swallow.

“Sorry,” Anne said, turning toward him with a look of understanding. “Déjà vu?”

“Yeah, you could say that,” he said, nodding slightly.

“Good kind or bad kind?”

“One of the few that was good,” he replied, boosting himself up to sit on a coffin, setting a glass down on the flat surface. “Care for a drink?”

“God, yes,” Anne murmured, walking over and hopping up to sit across from him.

“Didn’t want to spend time with the Scoobies?” Spike asked, pouring a drink for her before taking a long gulp from the bottle.

“They’re not exactly my friends,” Anne replied.

“What do you mean, pet?” he asked, turning to look at her in confusion.

“They’re… different. I mean, Anya’s still the same because she’s… well… Anya,” she said, smiling when she saw the slight grin he gave her. “But this Willow… I’ve barely talked to her, but I already know that she’s a lot more powerful than the one I know. And Xander… do they not have evolution in this dimension?”

Laughing for the first time since Buffy had broken his heart, Spike leaned back, feeling relaxed in her presence. “Buffy, I… Slayer…”

“Anne,” she said softly, knowing that it was hard enough to see her wearing the face of the woman he loved- he didn’t need to hear a name he was familiar with. “Call me Anne.”

Watching her take a shot, Spike raised an eyebrow in surprise when she set the glass down without flinching. “Used to this, are you?”

“Spike…my Spike,” she corrected with a frown. “He got me used to this a long time ago.”

Smiling at the memory, Anne took another shot before rolling her neck around her shoulders, trying to ease the tension.

“So, Spike,” she said in a teasing voice. “What’s your story?”

“You don’t want to know my story, pet,” he said, taking another drink while Anne threw back her shot.

“Seems only fair, since you know all about me.”

“Doesn’t have a happy ending,” he said with a sardonic smile.

“Humor me.”

“What do you wanna know?”

“Tell me about your relationship,” Anne said with a slight shrug.

“Relationship,” Spike repeated with a scoff, his voice holding a distant quality as if he was talking to himself. “What we had wasn’t a relationship.”

“Then tell me about whatever you want to call it,” she replied.

Sighing in acceptance, Spike looked at the bottle in his hands, staying quiet for a long moment before speaking. “It was… It was about need.”

“On her part?” she asked, tilting her head to study him.

“From both of us.”

“Why did it change?”

“She used me,” he whispered, staring into his glass. “At least she was upfront about it… why wouldn’t she be? Wasn’t her heart on the line.”

“Maybe it was,” Anne said, causing Spike to look at her. “Did you ever think that it was her heart on the line? Maybe she got scared.”

“Doubt it,” Spike said with a scoff.

“What happened before you broke up?” she asked gently.

“Her ex came back into town,” he said bitterly.

“But what happened between the two of you? The last time you were alone together?”

Spike frowned, shifting uneasily as he took a drink. “We made love,” he muttered after a moment.

“For the first time?” Anne asked, her voice soft in understanding.

“It was…”

“I know you had sex before that,” she continued. “I can pretty much figure that one out of my own. But did you ever ‘make love’ before?”

“No,” he whispered, looking at the bottle in his hand.

“There you go,” she said gently. “She got scared.”

“How do you know?”

“Because even though I’m not technically her, I am her. It wasn’t like I just jumped into the arms of a vampire when I was sixteen. It took some persuading on his part. Vast amounts of persuading, in which I was the bitch queen of bitchdonia.”

Spike smiled until he noticed the melancholy expression on her face. “They’ll find a way to get you back,” he said, seeing her try to offer him a smile.

“It’s just strange,” she said, looking up at Spike with an array of emotions on her face. “And I’m sure you know better than anyone what I mean.”

“Yeah,” he said, smiling lightly. “I guess if you get too lonely around here, suppose you and I could…”

Trailing off with a suggestively raised eyebrow, he smiled when Anne giggled.

“Sweet,” she said with a slight nod. “And tempting. But you’re not my Spike.”

“Yeah,” he agreed with a sigh. “And you’re not my Buffy.”

Hearing the sound of the crypt door opening, both turned toward it. “Speak of the devil,” Anne muttered.

“Who are you?” Buffy asked, walking into the crypt, tightening her jaw when she saw them sharing a bottle of whiskey.

“Buffy Summers,” Anne replied, growing irritated with the tone of voice the other woman was using. “Guardian of the Hellmouth, Slayer extraordinaire. Do you have a problem with that?”

“Did you have someone build another robot?” she asked, turning toward Spike. “Just a stupid scheme to get me back?” She immediately regretted the tactless comment when she saw the pain on Spike’s face.

“How can you… No!” he said, jumping to his feet. “I didn’t have another bleeding robot built.”

Buffy opened her mouth to stop him as he stormed out of the crypt, closing her eyes when she heard the door slam behind him. Fighting the tears that were burning in her eyes, she slowly looked up to see her own face staring back at her in shock and disappointment.

“You can go now,” Anne said in a cold voice, crossing her arms over her chest.

“W-what?”

“If you honestly think Spike could do something like build another robot just to make you see what you’re missing, then you’re dumber than I thought. This sounds like some hair-brained idea of Xander’s, not yours.”

“I-”

“And if I was sent to ‘get you back’, don’t you think I would be doing a better job of it? I mean, you’re obviously over him,” she continued sarcastically. “There can’t possibly be any jealousy there. I could chase after him and have sex with him right now, and it probably wouldn’t make a bit of difference to you, am I right?”

“You know, you’re sounding a lot like Faith right now,” Buffy said with a hard edge to her voice.

“Who?” Anne asked, her brow furrowing in confusion.

Remembering that Drusilla never would have killed Kendra, Buffy merely shook her head. “Just forget it,” she said, turning to walk outside. “You don’t get it.”

“No, Buffy,” she replied, raising an eyebrow when her doppelganger turned around. “You’re the one who doesn’t get it. And at this rate, you never will.”

* * * * *

After spending an hour searching for Spike, Anne had finally found the distraught vampire. They’d spent the rest of the night in his crypt, talking about his former relationship. Spike was emotionally drained, but Anne could see he was feeling a little better.

Instinctively knowing that the sun was about to rise, she stood up and stretched, exhausted from the long night.

“Mind if I crash here?” she asked, glancing over at the armchair.

“Take the bed,” he said, gesturing toward the lower level. “I’ll stay up here.”

Anne smiled, hopping to her feet. “Generous,” she said, taking his hand in hers. “But we’ve already established that nothing sexual will happen. No need in both of us having a sleepless night.”

Reluctantly following her to the lower level, Spike nervously looked at the bed before following Anne’s movements as she lay down.

“Good night, Spike,” she said with a yawn.

“Night, love.”

Anne shifted on the mattress after a few minutes, unused to being so close to the feel of a man who represented her mate without being able to get close to him.

“What’s wrong?”

Hearing Spike’s voice next to her nearly put her at ease. Slowly turning over, she blinked away the tears in her eyes. “I miss him,” she whispered in a choked voice, not realizing how hard it was to have a night away from her Spike.

His heightened senses picked up on the tears as he tenderly reached over and caressed her cheek. “I’m sure he misses you, too.”

Nodding slightly, Anne curled into herself, trying to push the tears away.

Seeing the face of the woman he loved so distraught, Spike tried to remind himself that she wasn’t Buffy. Not the one he knew. But he couldn’t resist the urge to offer her what little solace that he could.

“Come here, pet,” he said, opening his arms to her.

Anne eagerly moved closer, allowing him to pull her closer until she was safely resting against his chest. Relaxing at the familiar feel of his arms wrapped around her while Spike took comfort in her familiar presence.

This Buffy actually let him hold her, be gentle with her. If only the woman he loved would have allowed that.

Chapter 6 – Changing Worlds





Opening her eyes the next day, Anne briefly forgot where she was, snuggling closer to the man next to her. Letting her eyes focus, she frowned when she saw the stone walls surrounding the bed. Sitting up in surprise, she took a moment to look around the crypt.



“What’s wrong, love?” Spike asked in a groggy voice, blearily opening his eyes.



Everything seemed to come back to her in a rush, leaving her shaken as she remembered the night before.



“Nothing,” she murmured, shaking her head. “Just forgot where I was.”



“You alright?” he asked, sitting up, tentatively touching her back.



“I’ll be fine,” she said, clearing her throat to distract herself from the emotions coursing through her.



Turning toward Spike, she felt a jolt go through her as the familiar gaze focused on her. It was so warm, so loving- just the way the man she loved always looked at her. Tilting her head slightly, her heart rate sped up when she saw him slowly lean forward, brushing his lips against hers.



The familiar feel of her lips against his nearly had Spike deepening the kiss. Until he realized that it wasn’t familiar at all.



Pulling away after a moment, both stared at each other.



“Not even close,” they said simultaneously, each laughing for a long moment.




Leaning against the headboard of the bed, Spike sighed. “Wishful thinking, eh, pet?”



“Guess so,” she replied, shuffling back until she was resting against the headboard, as well. Running her hands through her hair to tame the knots that had formed, Anne frowned when she heard a strange noise. “Did you hear that?”



Not answering, Spike sat up a little straighter when he heard footsteps sounding on the ladder seconds before Buffy came into view.



Raising an eyebrow, Anne remained unphased as she continued to work the tangles out of her hair. “Don’t you knock?”



“Did I interrupt something?” Buffy asked, looking back and forth before settling her gaze on Spike with a hurt expression that immediately cut through him.



“Yeah, a whole world of something,” Anne said, rolling her eyes as she climbed out of bed. “Because Spike always has sex and then gets dressed immediately after he wakes up,” she said, searching the crypt before turning to Spike. “Do you not have a mirror anywhere in this place?” she asked, offering him a slight smile when he shrugged.



Abandoning her search, she sat on the edge of the bed, looking at the other Slayer. “I’m guessing you didn’t show up for coffee and donuts.”



“It’s six o’clock,” Buffy said, avoiding Spike’s gaze as she nervously shifted from foot to foot, trying to ignore the pang of jealousy coursing through her stomach that her doppelganger stayed the entire night with him.



“That’s Spike’s breakfast time,” Anne said with an amused smile. “So, what’s up?”



“Look… I know you’re not crazy about being stuck here, but I was wondering if you could help me out with something.”



“Something slayage?”



“Yeah.”



“I’m your girl,” Anne said, hopping up from the bed before turning toward Spike, her back to Buffy. “Thanks for listening last night.”



“Yeah,” he said with a slight nod. “You, too.”



Buffy frowned, casting her eyes downward before walking up the ladder, feeling as if she was intruding on an intimate moment.



“Ready?” Anne asked in a chipper voice, appearing on the main level behind her.



“Yeah,” Buffy said quietly.



“Let’s head out.”



* * * * *



“So these guys are some kind of huge threat here?” Anne asked as they walked through one of the residential areas.



“I wouldn’t call them a huge threat,” Buffy replied, looking in the shadows between houses. “But they’re annoying enough to make me want to take them out.”



“I hope you mean of the non-killing variety,” Anne said, following Buffy up the steps of one of the houses.



“I’m thinking more of the blackmail variety.” Anne made a face, causing Buffy to turn toward her. “What?” she asked.



“If these guys are major enough for you to go after them instead of patrolling for demons, then I don’t think blackmail is going to work.”



“Then what do you suggest?” Buffy asked, checking one of the windows along the porch, surprised to find that it slid open easily.



“Turn them over to the cops,” she said with a shrug, following Buffy into the darkened house, closing the window behind her. “They don’t have to know it was you, and if it’s Warren and the other guys, that should scare them into behaving themselves.”



Checking the basement door, she began walking down with Buffy following closely behind her.



“And what do we turn them over for?” she asked, letting her eyes adjust to the darker area as Anne walked over to a nearby table, frowning at what she saw.



“Unless they have a receipt for this diamond, I’m thinking that would keep them put away for a while,” she said, gesturing toward the diamond resting inside the large gun, careful not to touch anything.



“Or the pile of cash sitting in the corner…and on the table,” Buffy said, smiling slightly.



Hearing a noise upstairs, both women turned toward the stairs. Looking at each other with wide eyes, they silently gestured toward the small window, leading out to the side of the house.



Buffy carefully climbed one of the tables. Unlocking it, she hoisted herself up until she was safely outside. Turning around to grab Anne’s hand, she pulled her up, catching the window as it began to fall. Easing it into place, the two girls quickly jumped up and ran through the yards, mere seconds before the boys wandered downstairs.



Stopping a few blocks away, each stopped to catch their breath, making sure they weren’t seen.



“I think we’ve hit the jackpot,” Anne said, panting lightly. “Why don’t you go call the cops before they figure out something is different.”



“Where will you be?”



“I’ll make a quick pass,” she said, looking around the streets. “The sun’s setting- might as well get some vamps for the night before they try and find dinner.”



“You’ll be okay?”



“Yep,” Anne replied cheerfully, walking toward the nearest cemetery. Buffy was about to turn and walk toward her house when she heard the chipper voice, “I’m not the one who died.”



Sensing that the earlier animosity between them had faded away, Buffy raised an eyebrow. “And here I was, going to invite you to Anya and Xander’s wedding, but not if you’re going to be like that.”



“They’re getting married?” Anne asked, turning around to face Buffy. “It’s about time.”



“Saturday at two o’clock. Gifts are mandatory.”



“I would be shocked if they weren’t

Chapter 7 – Hell’s Bells


Walking into the reception hall, Anne smiled at the beautiful flowers that decorated the area before turning to her date.

“Wanting to run away?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at Spike.

“Thought about it,” he muttered before snapping out of it to realize what she said. “I mean- no! Big Bad here, remember?” he asked in irritation, causing Anne to giggle.

Seeing Buffy in the distance, Anne felt a mild pang of remorse when she saw the look on the other woman’s face before reminding herself that there weren’t any romantic intentions with this Spike.

“I guess we can just hang out here until the wedding starts.”

Spike looked down at the questioning tone of Anne’s voice, surprised that the strong young woman seemed unsure about what to do. “Something wrong?” he asked, watching her shake her head.

“Nope. Tip-toppity Buffy, that’s me. Or… Anne,” she corrected, sounding as if she was reminding herself.

Spike chuckled. “No worries, pet. You know how many times I kept referring to myself as William when I changed my name?”

“Fourteen,” Anne murmured, looking around the area before turning her gaze to Spike, seeing his stunned expression. “My Spike and I… We’ve talked a lot,” she said with a sheepish smile, causing Spike to laugh.

“I guess so.”

* * * * *

Standing in the same place, talking and laughing twenty minutes later, Anne saw Buffy look wistfully in their direction.

“Tell you what,” she said, turning her gaze back to Spike. “I’m going to get some fresh air before the rain really starts coming down. Why don’t you stay here, and I’ll be right back.”

“You’ll be okay?” he asked, holding up his hands in a form of surrender when she narrowed her eyes on him. “Just a question, love. Don’t get your knickers in a twist.”

Anne giggled, shaking her head in amusement as she walked outside, hopefully giving the two of them a few moments to right some wrongs.

Spike watched her go, waiting until the door closed before turning back to survey the rest of the room. Seeing Buffy take a few steps toward him, he tensed slightly. Slowly pushing away from the wall he was leaning against, he moved to stand in front of her as she steeled herself and walked toward him.

“Hello, Buffy,” Spike said quietly, still smarting from her remark from the other night.

“Hey,” she said, trying to smile at him.

“It's a happy occasion,” he said, attempting to make conversation as he shoved his hands deeper into his pockets, looking around the area.

“Yeah,” she said, biting her lip for a moment. “You’re here with Anne?”

“Seemed only fitting,” he said, shrugging slightly. “She’s a friend.”

“So… this isn’t a nice attempt at making me jealous?” she asked, keeping her tone light.

“Would it work?” he asked with a small smile.

“A little,” she said quietly. “It doesn't change anything… but if you're wildly curious, yeah, it hurts.”

‘Good,’ Spike thought, looking away.

“You want us to go?” he asked after a moment.

“No. No, I… you have every right to be here. I pretty much deserve-”

“That's not true, you…”

Trailing off with a sigh, Spike looked up at the ceiling. “God, this is hard.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll go.”

“No, you really don’t-”

“It’s for the best. Give 'em my best or whatever. The happy couple.”

“I will.”

“It's nice to watch you be happy,” he murmured. “For them, even. I don't see it a lot. You, uh… you glow.”

Buffy smiled, looking down before meeting his gaze again. “That's because the dress is radioactive.”

Snorting in amusement, Spike felt a sliver of happiness that she was smiling with him.

“I should…”

“Yeah,” Spike agreed, watching her walk away before turning and walking out the door, never seeing Buffy turn around and look longingly at him as he left the building.

“Are you alright?” Anne asked, pushing away from the wall when she saw Spike appear.

“Fine,” he said, giving her a slight nod. “Think it’s for the best that I cut out early, is all.”

“Spike-”

“I’m okay, pet,” he said, looking up at the sky. “Best get inside. Looks like it’s about to pour.”

“Okay,” she murmured, looking at him with a questioning gaze. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

“I will be,” he said, ignoring the lump in his throat as he leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “Enjoy the party.”

“I will,” she said softly before smiling. “But don’t think you’re getting out of this date that easily, buster.”

“What?” he asked, his brows knitting together as he looked at her.

“You owe me a date,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “Tomorrow night at the Bronze. I will accept nothing less.”

Spike chuckled, nearly shaking his head at the woman in front of him. “Does this mean I won’t see you tonight?”

“No, you’ll see me,” Anne said, giving her friend a warm smile. “Unless I find a hot groomsman to go home with.” Hearing the warning growl from the man in front of him, her eyes widened. “Kidding… yeesh, what got into you?”

“You might not be my mate, but I’m basically him,” he said, raising an eyebrow at her. “And I’m looking out for what’s his.”

Anne smirked in amusement. “If you honestly think I could do that to my Spike… or you… not really sure how this works,” she said, taking a deep breath to settle her overactive brain. “Then you don’t know me.”

Spike smiled, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I know you, Goldilocks. Just a different version, is all.”

Seeing the first drops of heavy rain begin to fall, Anne looked up at the sky as Spike began walking backwards. “Best make a run for it. Get inside, pet, don’t want you getting sick.”

“Okay,” she said with a nod. “Be careful.”

Waiting until Spike was out of sight before turning to walk back into the reception area, Anne frowned when she saw the exit door open a few seconds before Xander slipped out.

Seeing that he was about to walk into the rain, she quickly approached him.

“I hope this is just a need for fresh air,” she said, seeing him jump a mile before turning around to face her.

“Buffy?” he asked, seeing her hair pulled back in a chignon, confused at the black dress she was wearing.

“Not your Buffy,” she clarified, seeing the understanding and then nervousness cross his features. “Where are you going, Xander?”

“I just… I just needed some time to myself, that’s all.”

“That’s great,” she said in a falsely chipper voice. “And there are plenty of empty rooms in there for you take some ‘time for yourself’ in.”

“I’d rather be outside,” he muttered, his eyes widening when Anne’s eyes narrowed.

“You’re running out on her, aren’t you?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. “After everything you two have been through, you’re just gonna wimp out.”

“What do you know about it?” he asked angrily. “You haven’t been here. You don’t know anything about my relationship.”

“I know you’re more scared than the man who’s my friend,” she countered.

“What?”

“The guy who has been my best friend for six years would never run away.”

“How do you know?” he muttered, looking at the ground.

“Because he and Anya have been married for over a year,” she said, raising an eyebrow when he looked at her in surprise. “Yeah. And he had cold feet the day of his wedding, but he never tried to sneak away.”

“And his life is going to be hell!”

“What are you talking about?” Anne asked, looking at him in confusion.

“I saw something,” he said, looking around for a moment. “You’re gonna think I’m crazy.”

“I already know you’re crazy,” she teased, trying to lighten the mood. “What did you see?”

“Myself,” he said, looking at her, hoping she would understand. “I saw myself- he was older, did a time travel thing, and presto.”

“Let me get this straight,” she said, blinking a few times before continuing. “You saw yourself- another version of yourself- and you think that I, of all people, would think you’re crazy when a woman who is quite literally me is inside that building right now?”

“Good point,” he muttered.

“Why is he here?”

“To show me what my life is going to turn into,” Xander said, feeling the panic well up inside of him again.

“And it’s bad?” Anne asked, reaching out to gently touch the sleeve of his jacket, hoping to keep him grounded in reality.

“It’s bad,” he said, taking a few calming breaths.

“Then change it,” she murmured, the power behind her words causing Xander to snap back and look at her.

“What?” he asked, his brow furrowed as he stared at the woman who so closely resembled his best friend.

“Change it,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “Make things better.”

“I can’t,” he said, shaking his head.

“What is it? An apocalypse?”

“No.”

“Then change it,” she insisted. “Xander, I know how much you love that woman. I know you would give her anything in the world, just to make her happy. Don’t let some little vision scare you away from your own happiness.”

“What if it’s right?” he asked, his voice rising slightly.

“What if it’s not?” she said, looking up at him with an understanding gaze. “What if you run away and you can never get back to what you want? It was a vision, Xander, not a prophecy. And look at me,” she added with a smile, holding her arms out to her sides. “Even prophecies haven’t stopped me.”

Anne watched him slowly nod, obviously thinking about what she’d said.

“It’s your life, Xander,” she said in a gentle tone. “It’s up to you what you do with it.”

Looking up at her in surprise, Xander felt himself relax, realizing that what she was saying was true.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he said, taking a deep breath. “I think so.”

“Okay, then,” Anne said with a bright smile, looping her arm through his. “Let’s get you married.”

Chapter 8 – Soul Reflection


“Everything went okay?” Spike asked, setting the drink down on the table.

“It’s about time you asked me about it,” Anne teased, leaning back in her chair as she looked around the Bronze. “It’s been twenty-four hours, and you haven’t said a word about the wedding.”

“Sorry, love,” he said, looking down at the table. “Just have a lot on my mind.”

“Okay,” she said, taking a sip of her drink. “To answer your question, the wedding went off without a hitch… Once we killed the demon who was sent here to ruin it.”

“Rough party,” he said with a smirk.

“You don’t know the half of it. And according to Buffy, the nerds have been taken care of,” she said with a giggle. “So that’s a few Big Bads out of the way.” Seeing Spike’s raised eyebrow, she laughed. “Or one Big Bad and three itty bitty bads.”

“Better,” he said, smiling as he looked across the room. His smile soon faded when he saw Buffy walk in with Willow and Tara, immediately making eye contact with him from across the room. Shaking himself away from her gaze, he cleared his throat.

“So the birds are flyin’ again,” he muttered to himself, raising his glass to his lips. “Ain’t love grand.”

Anne studied him as he took a long drink. “Come on,” she said, grabbing his hand and pulling him from his seat.

“Where’re we going?”

“To dance.”

“No,” Spike said with a disbelieving laugh. “I don’t dance, pet.”

“Sure you do,” she said in a cheerful voice, turning to give him a dazzling smile. “You forget that I know everything about you. You’re dancing.”

* * * * *

Buffy felt the jealousy and anger warring inside of her as she watched Spike and Anne dancing and laughing from across the room.

“They look good together,” Willow said, surprised at her own observation.

Tara glanced at Buffy, seeing the inner turmoil the young woman was going through. She knew how the Slayer truly felt about Spike, but it wasn’t her place to step in. She’d leave that to someone who could truly make her understand her feelings.

* * * * *

Watching the couple dance through a set of songs, Buffy’s stomach was violently flipping when they finally sat down at their table. Willow and Tara were out on the dance floor, and Buffy couldn’t ignore the jealous feelings anymore. She couldn’t stand the fact that Anne’s relationship with Spike was so easily accepted by her friends, while she felt the need to hide it.

Standing up and crossing the room, Buffy pushed the hurt feelings away, leaving anger in their place. “So… You can’t get back to your Spike, so you have to move in on this one?”

Anne looked up with a raised eyebrow with Buffy’s identical expression. “Watch out- indecisive Buffy alert,” she muttered to Spike, seeing him shift in his seat, unsure of what Buffy meant by her statement. “What do you care?” Anne asked, staying seated as she raised an eyebrow at the other blonde.

“I just thought you’d have more respect for your relationship,” she said in a cold voice.

“Why should I?” Anne replied, merely testing the other woman. “You didn’t.”

Obviously uncomfortable, Spike stood up, grabbing his coat.

“Don’t go,” Anne said, looking at him with a pleading expression.

“Don’t think I’m wanted here, Goldilocks,” he said, nearly taking a step back when the Slayer turned on him with a look of disbelief, hearing the name that had once been reserved for her and her alone. Turning toward his friend, he mumbled a good night before leaving.

“Happy?” Anne asked, standing up to face Buffy. “I really don’t get you. You don’t want him, but no one else can have him, either? Selfish much?”

“You don’t get it,” Buffy said walking through the Bronze and out the door.

“Oh, but I do,” Anne replied, following her outside, not seeing any sign of Spike. “I get it perfectly. I get that you’re a selfish bitch,” she continued, letting the slamming of the door punctuate her statement. Raising an eyebrow when Buffy whirled around to face her, Anne suppressed a smirk.

She didn’t think Buffy was a bitch- she was a severely messed up individual who had to see exactly how messed up she was to get back to being herself.

Buffy stared at Anne for a long moment, trying to control her emotions as the other woman took a step forward. Taking a deep breath, Buffy set her jaw in a firm line.

“Don’t,” Anne said in a harsh voice.

“Don’t what?” Buffy replied, her voice a menacing whisper.

“Don’t keep it all inside. That’s your problem, Buffy- you bottle everything up! You never just let it out. I barely know you and I can tell that much. Tell me what you’re thinking. Tell me what you want, what you feel. Or better yet… tell Spike,” she said, gesturing in the direction he’d walked. “He’s the one who needs it- he’s the one who deserves it. Because, bottom line- until you can treat him the way he deserves to be treated, I don’t want to know you. If that means I’m stuck in this dimension, then… I’ll find my own way back. But he tried to help you- yeah, maybe it was in a messed up way, but that’s Spike. Have you not figured it out by now, Buffy?” she asked, looking at her in disbelief. “You’ve spent all this time with him, and you still don’t get him. You don’t get what it is that makes him tick.”

“And what’s that?” Buffy asked irritably.

“That he adapts to what you need,” she said, looking directly into the other woman’s eyes. “When he falls in love, he turns into the man that you need him to be. How did he feel about Drusilla?”

“He was devoted to her,” she muttered grudgingly.

“Because she needed him,” Anne said. “And how did he treat you when you first came back?”

“Like I was glass,” she murmured to herself, looking at the ground for a moment.

“And after?” Anne asked, trying to get it out of her. “When he realized you weren’t going to break… how did he treat you? What did you need?”

“To forget who I was,” Buffy whispered, almost to herself. “Or who I used to be.”

“Exactly,” Anne said, nearly smiling in triumph. “He turned into the man you needed. And when you fall in love with him, he turns into the man he truly is. And if you had shown him that you were your own person, that you didn’t need anyone, you merely wanted him, then you would have… my relationship,” she said, looking away with a wistful tone, missing the man she loved. Shaking her head to snap herself out of her memories, she continued, “But he’s the one who was there for you. Who never left.” Seeing Buffy turn away, hiding the emotions on her face, Anne took a step forward. “He’s here,” she said, softening her tone. “He’s the one who stayed. Maybe you should think about that.”

Turning to walk away, Anne sighed heavily before facing the other woman once again.

“I know about what happened. I know all about his past and what the two of you had together- the good and the bad… the bad that both of you caused. And I’m disgusted by it. I’m not saying that Spike should be martyred… God knows, I know how he can be… and maybe he shouldn’t even be forgiven… but for all your talk about a soul, I can’t believe you would treat someone like this. If you put enough weight behind that damn soul, then at least have the conviction to back up your own. I don’t know what kind of issues you have, Buffy, but I’m ashamed to be associated with you.”

Turning to walk away, Anne stopped when she heard Buffy’s voice. Nearly smiling that her little speech had worked to some degree, obviously getting a reaction out of the other Slayer, she slowly turned around.

“Where the hell do you get off judging me or my relationship?” Buffy asked angrily.

“Relationship?” Anne repeated, walking forward to stand directly in front of the other woman. “You call what you had a relationship?”

“Oh yeah, I forgot- the part where Spike was kicking the crap out of me or dominating me on the balcony of the Bronze because he could… I guess that doesn’t count as a relationship.”

“And who let him?” Anne replied in a dangerously low voice. Stepping even closer until she was nearly in Buffy’s face, she looked into her own eyes and saw the mixed emotions in them. “Who let him get away with that, Buffy? Who took a step back and said ‘I can’t depend on myself anymore- I’ll use someone else just to feel’?”

“H-he told you-”

“He didn’t have to,” she said, shaking her head. “I know who I am. I know who you are. But I also know that no matter what, no matter how far I’m stripped down, how hard I fall…no matter what happens to the Slayer part of me… I’m me. I know who’s left. And you’ve lost that,” she said after a minute, tears filling her eyes as she looked at the other woman. “Remember who you are, Buffy, because that’s something that you can’t accomplish through feeling… it’s something you get from yourself.”

Feeling sympathy for the other woman when she looked down at the ground, a slight pout on her lip, Anne offered her a soft smile. “The pout doesn’t work on me, so don’t try it,” she teased, wanting to lighten the mood for the two of them.

Seeing Buffy raise her eyes to look at her, Anne breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the slightest hint of a smile on her face before taking a deep breath to continue. “I think you’ve been burned by so many people, you don’t know which way to turn anymore.”

“I know this part of the story,” Buffy said, meeting Anne’s gaze with her own.

“But you missed the point,” she said, shaking her head. “You shut down, Buffy. And you've been treating Spike like dirt… when he's the one that comes along once in a lifetime.” Seeing the dismayed look on Buffy’s face, she continued, “He's never held back with you. He's risked everything. And you're about to abandon him because your friends might not like the idea of your relationship? If that’s true, they aren’t your friends.”

Buffy's eyes began to water as Anne's words finally began to get through to her.

“If you know for a fact that you can never love that man- because that’s what he is, he’s a man… then let him go,” she said. “Break his heart… but make it a clean break. But if you-”

“If I can love him,” she whispered, repeating what Xander had told her more than a year ago in the same way, regarding a different man. “If I really think I can love this guy… scary, messy, no-emotions-barred need… if I’m ready for that… then I should think about what I’m about to lose,” Buffy finished, looking down with tears in her eyes.

She couldn’t believe she was hearing this story again. And this time, it was literally coming from her. Anne’s words mixed with what Xander had told her, until she was ready to scream.

“That’s about it,” Anne said, seeing the tears in Buffy’s eyes. Stepping forward to wrap the other woman in a warm hug, Anne held on as tight as she could, knowing that Buffy needed it.

“I’ve really screwed this up, haven’t I?” Buffy asked tearfully.

“No,” Anne said, shaking her head, her eyes watering with emotions. “It’s still fixable.”

“But how can he want me when I’m not…”

“When you’re not…?” Anne prompted, pulling away to look at her, seeing the tears streaking down the other woman’s face, and her heart went out to her.

“When I’m not you,” she whispered.

Looking at the other woman for a long moment, Anne offered her a soft smile. “He doesn’t want me. I’m not his Buffy, and he’s not my Spike. We both figured that out first thing.”

“But…”

“No buts,” she said with a shake of her head. “I’m his friend. He wants you. He’s always wanted you.”

“How do I fix this?” Buffy asked, almost talking to herself.

“My advice? Talk to him. No pressure, no ultimatums, no extremes- just talk to him. I know you remember how easy that was.”

Buffy’s mind flashed to their relationship before she’d taken it in such a horribly wrong turn. Looking up to see her own face watching her with a sympathetic expression, she relaxed slightly. “I remember.”

“Go talk to him, Buffy.”

Hugging the other woman, Buffy quickly turned and ran through the alley, disappearing from Anne’s view.

“You deserve to be happy,” she whispered, her voice getting lost in the night. Turning around, Anne walked into the Bronze, seeing Willow and Tara sitting at the table. Approaching them slowly, both women looked up when they saw her as fresh tears filled her eyes. Nearly crying when they stood up to wrap their arms around her, Anne clung to them.

“Are you okay, Buffy?” Tara asked, knowing that this was the alternate Buffy.

“I want to go home,” she whimpered. “Please help me get home.”




Chapter 9 – Now and Forever





Buffy took a deep breath, trying to control her nerves as she stood outside Spike’s crypt. Raising her hand to knock after a moment, she bit her lip, letting her arm fall to her side once again.



“Works a lot better if you actually knock, pet.”



Whirling around, Buffy’s eyes widened when she saw Spike approaching from behind, idly smoking a cigarette as he watched her.



“Hi,” she said nervously, hating the way that he raised an eyebrow in surprise, knowing it was because she so rarely stopped by just to be nice.



“Hi, yourself. You lost?”



“I wanted to talk to you,” she said, flattening her palms against her pants as she bit her lip.



“Knock yourself out,” he replied, trying to keep an indifferent expression on his face as he leaned against a tombstone behind him.



“I know that I’ve… I’ve been a selfish bitch to you, Spike,” she began, uncertain of what she was trying to say.



“No, you haven’t,” he said softly, shaking his head. “I’ve gotten what I deserve, Buffy, nothing less.”



“God, will you listen to yourself?” she said in exasperation. “Listen to what… what I’ve done to you,” she whispered in comprehension, tears filling her eyes.



“Hey,” he said gently, not making a move to walk toward her, scared that she would come to her senses and run away. “None of that. Turn off the waterworks.”



Slowly pushing away from the tombstone, he stood up a little straighter, wanting to close the distance between them and comfort her but knowing that she wouldn’t accept that.



“Where’d this come from, pet?”



“Let’s just say I’ve finally seen myself,” she said with a slight smile, wiping the tears away.



Spike smiled, briefly looking up at the sky as he nodded in comprehension. “Buffy,” he said with a slight chuckle, seeing her look at him, slightly confused. “The other Buffy,” he clarified, seeing her nod.



“She’s very persuasive when she wants to be,” Buffy said, looking down at the ground.



“Wonder where she gets it,” he said with a smile.



Meeting his eyes, Buffy felt a familiar warmth in her stomach that she always associated with being near a vampire. Realizing that it was because she was near Spike, she hesitantly took a step toward him.



“Do you hate me?” she blurted out, leaving him with a stunned look on his face.



“Do I…? No,” he said, shaking his head. “No, of course not.”



“But… I’ve done so many things to you,” she said, looking into his eyes. “And I don’t know if you can ever forgive-”



“No forgiveness,” he cut her off, shaking his head. “There’s nothing for you to be forgiven for.”



“How about keeping our relationship a secret? Or using you whenever I wanted to feel okay about myself? Or all the things I’ve said to you that you didn’t deserve? Or beating you up and…and leaving you?”



Spike took in an unneeded breath, trying to forget the memories that her words had brought forth. Looking at a point over her shoulder, he exhaled slowly. “Ever heard that for every reaction, there’s an equal and opposite reaction?”



“Yeah,” she murmured, looking at him in confusion.



“I think we’re on an equal playing field, love. We’ve both done things, said things we… I know that I wish I could take back.”



Buffy didn’t know what to say. Agreeing with him seemed to be too insincere. Saying nothing just sent them back into the same situation they’d been in before.



Misreading her silence, Spike sighed. “Best be off. Friends are probably ready to call out the search party.”



“No, I… That’s not why I came by.”



“Buffy, if you want me to say everything’s alright, then fine. I’m okay. I don’t hold anything against you. Time for you to go play the hero with whatever Big Bad is lurking around the corner.”



“I’m not a hero,” Buffy murmured, hugging her arms around her body as she looked at the ground. “I was chosen… but I’m not a hero. Heroes don’t accept the way the world is- they continue fighting, even when it looks like there’s nothing left to fight for… that’s not me.”



“Yes, it is,” Spike said softly, wondering where this was coming from. “That’s exactly who you are.”



Wondering how he could be so generous after she had selfishly taken everything from him, Buffy felt tears burn her eyes.



‘Have I stripped him down to this? Or is this the one thing I couldn’t take away from him?’ she wondered, avoiding his gaze.



“Love?”



Raising her eyes slightly, she couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact with him.



“What’s wrong?” he asked, stepping forward until he was standing in front of her. Hooking a finger under her chin, Spike tilted her eyes up to his.



Seeing the concern in his gaze, Buffy felt the tears finally spill over, wrapping her arms around him in a grip that would have crushed anyone else.



Tensing in shock, Spike slowly put his arms around her, unused to the foreign feel of holding her. He felt his heart flip at the realization that this was the best moment he’d ever spent with her.



“I’m sorry,” she whispered, clutching at him, needing him to realize how much she meant it.



“I’m sorry, too,” he murmured into her hair, inhaling the scent as he pulled her closer.



“Everything’s okay?” she asked, her voice muffled against his shirt. Not hearing a response, she pulled back, seeing the confusion and mistrust in his gaze. “Spike?”



“What do you want, Buffy?” he asked, keeping his tone soft, not wanting her to think he was accusing her of something.



Buffy cast her eyes downward, obviously thinking about what he was saying. “Truth?”



“That’s all we’ve ever had,” he said with a smile.



“That’s all I’ve ever had from you,” she corrected sadly.



“Not the issue, pet. What do you want?”



“I want a fresh start,” she whispered, looking up at him with a hopeful expression. “With you.”



Seeing the childlike appearance that the simple phrase had caused in her, Spike gave her a tender smile. “No more secrets?”



“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I’ll tell everyone tonight, if you want me to.”



“There’s something else I want to do tonight.”



Buffy shifted uncertainly. Spike knew she was questioning whether it was a good idea to throw themselves back into a relationship.



“Not that,” he said with a smile. “But there is a bed involved.”



“What is it?” she asked, closing her eyes when he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.



“Let me hold you?”



A brilliant smile lit up Buffy’s face at the simple request. Moving closer to him, she rested her head against his chest, sighing in contentment. “Now and forever."





Chapter 10 – A Fresh Start


Opening her eyes, Buffy was vaguely aware of the comforting feelings surrounding her. Frowning for a moment, she smiled when she remembered where she was, burrowing into Spike’s arms as he slept.

Breathing a sigh of contentment, her hand rubbed small circles along his abdomen, idly feeling the defined muscles beneath her fingertips.

“Having fun, pet?” he asked in a groggy voice.

Looking up at him with a soft smile, Buffy slowly sat up, looking down at him with an unreadable expression. “Good morning,” she said, brushing a gentle kiss to his lips.

Closing his eyes as the warm feel of her lips moved over his, Spike reached up, gently threading his fingers through her hair, pulling her closer to deepen the kiss.

Pulling away to give Buffy a chance to breathe, Spike pressed his forehead against hers. “I’ve missed you,” he said, seeing the look of indecision on her face.

“Even when you had me here?”

“What?” he asked before his eyes widened in realization. “Anne?”

“Yeah,” she murmured, picking at some imaginary lint on the comforter.

“She’s not you,” he said, cupping her face in his hands, bringing her lips to his for another tender kiss. “You’re the one I want,” he whispered against her lips.

Tentatively pushing his shirt along his muscular stomach, Buffy pulled away to look at him before moving any farther. “Are we ready for this?” she asked, moving closer to him.

Glancing downward for a second, Spike smirked at her. “I know I am.”

“Spike!” she said, laughing softly as she smacked him on the chest.

Spike’s smile faded at the sound of her laughter, shocked that he had been the one to cause it.

“What is it?” she asked, noticing that he wasn’t smiling. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said, shaking his head before flipping their positions on the mattress and gently nibbling at her neck. “Nothing at all.”

Buffy didn’t know how long they lay in their bed, kissing and cuddling, but by the time Spike began to undress her, she felt like she was going to scream with repressed desire.

Helping him take off his clothes, Buffy slowly took the time to explore his body with her mouth and hands, never taking the time to do that in the past.

‘Stupid mistake,’ she thought, kissing along his chest until she reached his neck, biting until she heard Spike groan beneath her.

“Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it,” Spike said in a raspy whisper.

Kissing the column of his neck, she gently swirled her tongue around his ear before whispering, “Who says I can’t take it?”

Growling as he flipped them over on the bed, Buffy moaned when Spike slowly removed her clothes. Trailing kisses along every inch of exposed skin, he smiled as she moved beneath him, seeking out his touch.

Making his way up her body, he paused when Buffy looked up at him with an expression he’d never seen.

“Something wrong?” he asked. Seeing her hesitantly shake her head, he gently brushed his lips against hers. Easing his hips forward, he watched her face as he entered her. Moving in and out of her slowly until his hips met hers, he saw the emotions playing across her face.

Moving together, their eyes never broke contact as their hips rocked back and forth, neither wanting to rush things.

Spike nearly closed his eyes, overcome with emotions. It felt like the first time he’d ever been inside of her, and the feeling was overwhelming.

Crying out when he angled his thrusts upward, Buffy lightly dragged her nails along his skin, smiling when he lightly growled his approval. Looking into his eyes, she slowly moved her hands to cup his face, bringing his lips to hers in a tender kiss.

Pulling away after a long moment, Buffy met his gaze, seeing the love and affection that was always plain in his eyes. Vaguely realizing that a form of it had always been there, Buffy smiled.

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he pulled back in time to see the unguarded emotion in her eyes.

Buffy arched her body against his, gasping for breath when he pumped into her. “I love you,” she whispered, the words out of her mouth before she realized what she said. Feeling Spike’s body practically paralyze in shock, she looked at him, trying to show him the truth behind it.

“You mean it?” he asked in disbelief.

Nodding her head, Buffy smiled at him. “I do. I should have told you a long time ago.”

Crushing his lips against hers in a passionate kiss, Spike pulled away with a bright smile on his face. “I love you, too,” he whispered, his voice choked with emotion.

Lifting her hips off the bed, Buffy urged him to move, briefly closing her eyes when he thrust into her. Kissing along her neck, she could hear his whispered declarations of love. Threading her fingers through his hair, she clamped her inner muscles around his cock in anticipation.

“Do it,” she whispered, feeling him tense, using her Slayer strength to keep him where he was. “If you want me, then take me,” she whispered, smiling when she felt his face shift against her skin. Waiting in anticipation, she frowned when she didn’t feel anything. “Spike?”

The word was barely out of her mouth when she felt the razor-sharp teeth cutting into her neck.

Holding her in place, Spike’s hips moved with hers at a frantic pace as he tasted his Slayer’s blood for the first time. Feeling Buffy’s muscles clench around him as she screamed out her orgasm, he followed her over the edge, letting her grasping muscles trigger his own climax.

Taking a few more sips of her blood, he reluctantly pulled away, licking the marks on her neck, pausing to admire them for a moment before shifting back into his human guise. Seeing Buffy watching him, he gave her a tender kiss, taking his time, enjoying every second of intimacy he had with her. Pulling away after a moment, Spike looked into her eyes before kissing the tip of her nose as he pulled her close to him.

“I’m yours, you know,” she whispered, seeing him turn toward her with a loving expression. “I’ll always be yours.”


 
 

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