Whispers In The Dark

by Ashlee

Chapter 1 – Whispers and Screams

A/N Out of my canon/semi-canon fics, this one is slowly becoming my favorite, so please review and let me know what you think. This is set early season 5- Pre-Dawn.

Idly propping herself up on one of the headstones, Buffy looked around the
cemetery with a bored expression. She had been patrolling for two hours
and hadn’t seen a single vampire.

“Vampires,” she called softly, pouting when none showed up. “That’s it,”
she muttered to herself. “There’s nothing evil out here, I’m going home.”

Tucking her stake away, Buffy eagerly headed in the direction of her house.
Rounding the corner of a mausoleum, she felt her forehead connect with
something, sending stars shooting in front of her eyes.

“Bloody hell, Slayer!” Spike yelled, clutching his nose as Buffy rubbed her
head.

“Speaking of nothing evil,” she muttered.

“Hey!” Spike cried indignantly. “And why don’t you watch where you’re
soddin’ going next time!”

“Me?” she asked incredulously. “You’re the one with the vamp senses.
Shouldn’t you have known a Slayer was nearby?”

Spike clenched his jaw as his eyes rolled upward. “So I’m supposed to avoid
my own home just because you don’t have a sense of direction?”

Buffy tightened her lips. “Just go away, Spike.”

“Why should I?” he asked with a smirk, turning around to follow her as she
began to walk away. “When it seems to annoy you so much that I’m here.”

“Do you want me to use this?” she asked, pulling the stake out of the
waistband of her pants.

Spike merely chuckled at her. “Yeah, because that’s been so efficient in
the past?”

“I seem to remember staking you a year ago,” she countered, crossing her
arms over her chest and raising an eyebrow.

“I seem to remember letting you,” he said with that annoyingly handsome
smirk of his.

“Is that a fact?”

“Remember? It tickled…in a good way,” he said, his voice dropping as he took
a step toward her.

Buffy suppressed a shiver from running down her spine at his close proximity
and quickly backed away. “I’m going home,” she muttered, deciding it wasn’t
worth it to get involved in this pointless argument.

“No you’re not.”

Buffy’s brow furrowed. “What?”

“I just figured you’d want to take care of the demon behind you.”

She quickly whirled around, making a face at the ugly greenish-brown demon
that was running at them. Bracing herself, Buffy grunted when it collided
with her, throwing her to the ground before she flipped them, punching it
in the face.

She was shocked when she felt herself propelled into the air, her back
connecting with a nearby tree.

Grimacing as she pushed herself back into a standing position, Buffy was
relieved to see Spike getting in a few hits before he was also thrown into
the air.

Sprinting toward the demon, Buffy ducked as its claws swiped at her, landing
a sharp kick to its ribs. Straightening once more, she was about to hit the
demon again when she felt a sharp pain run through her arm. Catching her
off guard, she closed her eyes trying to block it out when the demon landed
a powerful blow to her jaw, nearly rendering her unconscious as she fell to
the ground.

Gasping for breath, she protectively curled herself into a ball, unsure of
what was happening to her. She could vaguely hear Spike in the distance, fighting
the demon.

“Slayer?”

His voice traveled toward her, sounding as if it was a whisper.

Pushing herself up to brace her weight on her hands, Buffy willed her eyes
to focus and was surprised to see the demon running away.

Spike sighed, deciding it wasn’t worth it to chase him. He slowly walked
over to Buffy, offering her a hand and pulling her to her feet.

“What happened, Slayer?”

“What?”

Spike raised an eyebrow, looking into her eyes. “What happened?” he
repeated, pronouncing each word.

Buffy saw Spike’s lips moving, seconds before a piercing scream echoed
through her head. Her hands immediately went to her ears as she tried to
recoil from the shrill sound.

“Spike, what is that?” she yelled.

“What’s what?” Spike asked, looking at her as if she’d lost her mind.

Buffy couldn’t hear him. The shrieks that were reverberating through her
body were painful. “What’s happening?” she asked weakly when the sound
diminished.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Spike said in confusion, looking
around and hoping for an answer to appear in front of him.

“Spike?”

His eyes returned to hers, his brow furrowed as she looked at him.
“Slayer?”

“Spike…I-I can’t hear you,” she murmured, seconds before she collapsed
against him.

Spike quickly caught the young woman in his arms, frowning when her eyes
rolled shut. Lowering her to the ground, he began shaking her slightly.
“Come on, Summers,” he muttered. “Open your eyes.”

He could detect her heart beating rapidly in her chest.

“Bloody hell,” he muttered, swinging her into his arms. “Your mates would
stake me good and proper if I left you here.”

Deciding the best place to take her would be her Watcher’s, Spike hurried in
the direction.

* * * * *

Giles could have sworn he had a stroke when he opened the door to reveal
Spike holding the seemingly lifeless body of the Slayer in his arms.

Staking him occurred to the older man for a brief moment before he realized
that Spike hadn’t hurt Buffy. If he did, he surely wouldn’t have been stupid
enough to show up on her Watcher’s doorstep.

“What happened?” he asked, checking Buffy’s pulse as Spike lay her on the
couch.

“We got attacked. I think it was a Tacora demon. I’ve never seen one
personally…didn’t even know they were on this side of the world, but that’s
what it looked like.”

“How did this happen?” Giles asked.

“I don’t know,” Spike said, shaking his head. “It only threw her once. Did
the same thing to me and I was fine.”

“You’re a vampire, Spike.”

“Thanks for the memo.”

“What I mean is, things obviously could affect you differently.”

“Yeah, well…it got in one good hit and she went down. She seemed a little
dazed but fine. Then she started asking me what that sound was.”

“What sound?”

“That’s what I’d like to know,” Spike replied. “I couldn’t hear a thing,
and my hearing is a little more advanced than hers. She acted like she
couldn’t hear me and then…”

Spike trailed off, gesturing to her currently passed out status.

“She couldn’t hear you?”

“Apparently not,” Spike said, walking for the door.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ve done my part,” Spike said, lighting a cigarette before opening the
door. “Saved the little girl from the baddie, and I didn’t even leave her
when she passed out. I’m thinking my work is done for the night.”

Giles didn’t have a chance to reply as Spike walked out the door. For a
soulless vampire, he really had gone above and beyond what was expected of
him…not that Giles would ever tell him that.

Five minutes later, Buffy moaned as she drifted back to consciousness.
Opening her eyes, Giles waited until she had focused on him with a puzzled
expression.

“Giles?”

Buffy frowned, clearing her throat when she couldn’t hear her own voice.

“Giles?” she tried again.

His eyes widened when he realized she couldn’t hear her own words. She
couldn’t hear a thing.
 

“Giles?” Buffy asked for the third time, looking at her Watcher before
gesturing for something to write with.

Giles didn’t have the heart to let her know that he could hear her as he
walked over to his desk. Returning after a moment, he handed her some paper
and a pen.

‘Gentlemen?’

He closed his eyes at the written question, unable to look at the hope in
her eyes that the Gentlemen had stolen the town’s voices again. Taking a
deep breath, Giles shook his head.

“Buffy,” he started, sighing when she studied his lips carefully, her brow
furrowed in concentration. Giles realized this would be easier if he could
get this out without any confusion. Slowly leaning forward, he took the
paper and pen from her and quickly scrawled something underneath the note.

Holding her breath, Buffy read the question.

‘Do you remember fighting a demon?’

Buffy nodded hesitantly, unsure of what was happening and where Giles was
going with this.

‘Do you remember what happened?’

Buffy thought for a moment before her eyes widened. She frantically
gestured to her head, covering her ears, shaking her head back and forth. It
took only a matter of seconds before she seemed to realize what happened.
Giles watched as she began to withdraw into herself.

Gasping for air, Buffy shook her head in disbelief, sinking into the back
of the couch.

“You can hear me?” she asked, tearing up when Giles nodded.

Buffy jumped up from the couch, pacing the room and trying to keep her tears
from spilling over as she worried her bottom lip.

‘This can’t be happening,’ she thought, running her hands through her hair,
trying to do anything to keep her mind occupied. Shaking her head back and
forth as if she was trying to expel her thoughts…or trying to get her
hearing back.

“How is this possible?” she asked, finally turning back to Giles, who was
already flipping through his books, wanting to give her an answer to that
very question.

“I’m trying to find out,” he replied, making sure to look directly at Buffy
and speak slowly so she could read his lips.

Buffy studied him carefully, nodding when she comprehended what he said.

“B-but we can fix it, right?” she asked with the apprehension clear in her
voice. “I-I mean…it’s only temporary?”

“I don’t know,” Giles said, never looking up.

Buffy didn’t need to read his lips or even look at him to know what he said.
She thought back to the fight, remembering a particularly brutal punch to
the face. Reaching up and gently running a hand over her tender cheek, she
cringed in pain. It was already beginning to swell, and Slayers weren’t
supposed to swell. They bleed, they get broken bones, but they don’t swell.

Nearly collapsing onto the couch, Buffy looked at her Watcher, a
heartbreaking expression marring her features. “How can I be the Slayer if
I’m deaf?” she asked in a whisper. “I won’t know if something is behind me,
I won’t…”

She trailed off in a choked sob as Giles looked at her with tears in his
eyes. ‘She’s going to need someone strong enough to help her.’

* * * * *

Spike poured himself a tall glass of blood before mixing in some burba weed.
Staring into the crimson liquid, his mind wandered as he took a long
swallow. He couldn’t help but wonder how the Slayer was doing.

“Why do I care about her?” he muttered to himself, confused.

Nevertheless, his thoughts continued to drift to the blonde girl, genuinely
perplexed by what happened tonight. It wasn’t exactly a normal occurrence
for the Slayer to lose one of her senses. He’d never heard of anything like
it, and he’d been around for over a century.

Sitting down in his chair, Spike didn’t even bother to turn on his TV.
‘What does it mean when the girl who needs each one of her senses to work in
the highest capacity doesn’t have that anymore?’ Spike wondered, running his
teeth along his bottom lip and staring at the back wall of his crypt.

* * * * *

“There it is!” Giles yelled excitedly.

Buffy looked up, unable to hear him, of course, but seeing that he had leapt
from his chair in excitement. She waited anxiously, being unusually quiet
for a change as Giles read the passage in his book.

The frown on his face did not serve to dissuade Buffy from any of her fears.
Giles tossed the book on the coffee table before taking his glasses off
and frantically cleaning them.

Hesitantly picking up the book, Buffy decided it would be easier to read for
herself than trying to interpret whatever Giles would have communicated to
her.

‘Tacora demon- preternaturally strong- intelligent’

Buffy continued to read, not seeing anything that would be helpful. The
demon didn’t have venom that could cause an unusual reaction. Nothing that
explained what was happening to her.

Slamming the book shut, Buffy threw it across the room. She didn’t know
if it hit anything, since she was swimming in a sea of nothing. Dropping
her head into her hands, she breathed deeply, trying to ward off the tears
that were threatening to spill over.

Feeling a gentle touch to her shoulder, Buffy looked up into Giles’ kind
eyes as he sat down across from her.

“I think,” he began slowly. “I think when the demon hit you…it must have
been powerful enough to make you lose your hearing.”

The miserable look on the young woman’s face almost had him in tears, as
well. It wasn’t much of an explanation, but it was the only one he had.

Buffy knew that she had someone sitting less than two feet away, but she’d
never felt so alone in her life. “How am I going to get through this? How
can I…”

She trailed off as Giles’ mind wandered. He would have to be very careful
in how he arranged his plan.
 

Spike was pouring himself a glass of blood when he heard the door to his
crypt open. Inhaling sharply, he didn’t bother to turn around as he
identified the unannounced visitor.

“What do you need, Watcher?” he asked, taking a long swallow of blood.

Giles was slightly taken aback that Spike knew it was him before he
remembered he was dealing with a vampire.

The blonde turned around with a raised eyebrow, staring at the other man.
“Spit it out, Rupert, I don’t have all day.”

Giles looked outside at the sun brightly shining in the sky and had to
smile. “I think you do.”

“Alright, but that doesn’t mean I want the pleasure of your company.
‘Passions’ is on in five, so tell me what brings you to my humble home?”

“Buffy.”

Spike was instantly concentrating on the conversation, although not letting
Giles know that. He didn’t bother to think about why anything involving the
Slayer would cause him to be this focused- he just knew that he’d been more
worried about her than he should have been.

“How’s the Slayer doing?” he asked, taking another drink, pretending to act
indifferent toward the situation. It had been a week since the incident in
the graveyard, and Spike hadn’t seen the Slayer since.

“She’s deaf,” Giles answered simply, watching as Spike stared into his
glass, showing no emotion to the news.

“Permanent?”

“It would appear to be.”

Spike nodded, never looking up. “How’s she handling it?”

“About as well as can be expected,” Giles replied. “She’s becoming quite
capable of reading lips, but it’s obviously very frustrating for her.”

“Got to be a hell of a problem when she’s slaying,” he murmured, never
making eye contact with the other man.

“That’s actually why I’m here,” Giles replied.

Spike took a deep breath, walking over to a coffin and jumping onto it with
ease, letting one of his legs kick against the side as they studied each
other.

“Well…are you going to stand there and stare at me all day, or am I supposed
to guess why you came here?”

“I think you already know.”

“Humor me.”

“I want you to help, Buffy.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

“And may I ask why you’re not willing to help her?”

“How long do you have?” Spike asked, tilting his head and setting his mouth
in a hard line. “It’s bad enough I have to help your little Scooby gang
whenever there’s a big evil brewing, but now you’re wanting me to go on
nightly patrols with the Slayer? I don’t have a death wish, Rupert,” he
finished, spitting out the name.

“You honestly think that if something comes after you for helping out the
Slayer, you couldn’t handle yourself in a fight?”

“Of course I could,” Spike said with a scoff, realizing too late that he’d
walked right into the trap. “You’re going to have to do better than that.”

“How much is this going to cost me?”

A slow smile spread across Spike’s face as he bit his lip, thinking of an
estimate.

“Two hundred a week.”

Spike would have gone higher, but he really only had the need for blood and
smokes and two hundred was more than enough. He watched as Giles seemed to
be contemplating the request.

“One fifty,” Giles replied after a minute as Spike smiled and shook his
head.

“Come now, Watcher, I know you just bought yourself a pretty new shop.”

“Exactly. I don’t have the funds to be paying a vampire an extra two
hundred dollars a week.”

“So your Slayer’s life isn’t worth two hundred, but it is worth one fifty?”
Spike asked with a raised eyebrow, studying the other man carefully, knowing
that Buffy was his weakness.

“Fine,” Giles replied in a resigned voice. How could he put a price on his
Slayer? “Two hundred a week and Buffy must stay alive. If she dies, you die
a slow, painful death.”

Spike felt a small amount of fear go through him as Ripper seemed to make a
rare appearance. “Fine,” he muttered. “When does the Slayer want to
start?”

“Well…she doesn’t know about this.”

“What?” Spike asked, his brow furrowed.

“And she’s not going to,” Giles continued. “It’s going to be hard enough to
convince her to work with you, but if she knew you were only doing it
because you were getting paid, there’s no way she would agree to it.”

Spike sighed, rolling his eyes before he spoke. “You’re expecting her to
think I’m just helping her out of the evilness of my heart?”

“No, I’m expecting her to think that if you work with her in return for a
certain amount of protection, she’ll be a little more agreeable.”

“Bloody hell! I don’t need the Slayer protecting me like I’m some fledgling
who doesn’t know how to work his fangs!”

“She doesn’t know that.”

Spike sighed, clenching his jaw. “She should,” he muttered, seeing the look
that Giles was giving him. “Fine. She won’t know about the money. I’ll
keep my end of the bargain and you keep yours. Everyone goes home happy.
When do we start?”

* * * * *

“Spike’s really going to help her?” Willow asked as she exchanged a look
with Tara. They were helping Giles set up a display in the Magic Box when
he broached the subject.

“I-I think it’s a good idea,” Tara said with a soft smile.

“I felt he could help her in ways that we can’t,” Giles replied. “But Buffy
must not know that he’s being paid.”

“Yeah,” Willow agreed with a nod. “That’s understandable. She’d never
trust him.”

“I’m not sure if she’ll trust him now,” Giles said with a shake of his head.
“I don’t even know if she should trust him, but I do feel Spike will
protect her. If, for no other reason, to keep himself alive. And we are
the only ones that know of this arrangement,” he continued, giving both
girls a stern look. “Xander will have enough problems when he finds out, and
I don’t think Anya knows how to keep a secret.”

“It’s okay, Giles,” Willow said with a smile. “You did the right thing.
When do they start?”

“Buffy is supposed to be here tonight. I asked Spike to drop by later…maybe
they can at least attempt to work together.”
 

Walking toward the Magic Box, Buffy kept a careful eye on her surroundings.
It had only been a week, and already she felt as if everything that she
walked by held some unknowing creature that was waiting for her. Living in
Sunnydale, this wasn’t an uncommon fear, but being the Slayer, Buffy wasn’t
supposed to be this skittish.

‘It feels like I’m a five year old afraid of the boogeyman,’ she thought,
kicking a rock as she walked.

Her heart felt as if it was sinking in her chest when she saw the shop come
into view.

‘Time to pretend like everything’s okay,’ she thought bitterly as she pushed
open the door. She could see everyone crowding around the table look up
when she walked through the door. Riley wasn’t there yet, and Buffy felt a
little guilty that she was relieved. He played the supportive boyfriend
role, but it almost seemed like he was relieved that Buffy was more
dependent on other people…especially him.

Buffy saw some of her friends wave and other’s say ‘hi’. Obviously, they
were forgetting that she couldn’t hear them as they ducked their heads and
offered a wave instead. Buffy sighed. She actually preferred them trying
to talk to her, even if she couldn’t hear them. As long as they looked
directly at her, she was finding it easier to read lips, but most,
especially Xander, apparently thought that making strange gesticulations
with their hands was easier to understand.

Buffy gave them a timid smile before dropping into a chair and watching
Giles, wondering if he was ready to begin. He closed the door of the back
room, wiping his hands as he approached the table.

“Hello, Buffy.”

Buffy smiled in response- her Watcher’s kind eyes never failed to put her at
ease.

“What’s going on tonight?” she asked, feeling uneasy when everyone’s eyes
turned to her. As the Slayer, Buffy was used to being the one everyone
turned to, but now it seemed as if their eyes were on her out of surprise
that she had spoken or pity when they remembered her condition.

“Do you not want to wait for Riley?”

Buffy shook her head, getting the gist of what Giles was saying. “He can
get caught up. He knew what time to be here.”

She knew she sounded bitter, even though she couldn’t hear her own voice,
but it was hard not to.

“Very well,” Giles replied, speaking in clear and concise words, even more
articulated than usual as he made sure Buffy could see him at all times.
“I’ve asked you all here tonight because I think Buffy needs help.”

Buffy’s eyes widened as she tried to interpret what Giles was going to tell
her. “You mean…you think there’s a cure?” she asked hopefully, biting her
lip as she waited for him to answer. Her heart felt like it was breaking
all over again when she saw him shake his head.

“I’m sorry, no,” Giles replied with sad eyes. “I mean help with
patrolling.”

“Giles, I can’t patrol,” Buffy said, already feeling the panic build up
inside of her and hating the feeling of uncertainty. Slaying was supposed
to be the one thing she knew how to do, and that had been stripped away.

“You can,” Giles insisted. “With some help.”

“What kind of help?” Buffy asked warily.

As if on cue, the door to the Magic Box opened and Spike walked through with
his leather duster billowing behind him. Everyone turned to look at him, and
Buffy cursed herself for taking the seat that had her back to the door. She
quickly turned, her mouth dropping open when she saw the blonde vampire.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “No way…there’s no way!” she cried,
jumping up and walking over to Giles. “You expect him to help me? I’m sure
he’ll help…help one of his little vampire friends sink their teeth into my
neck when I least expect it.”

“Buffy-“

Before Giles could finish, Buffy felt her arm seized in a strong grip,
spinning her around. Spike looked directly in her eyes, never leaving her
gaze. Out of the corner of her eye, Buffy was vaguely aware that Xander was
moving and saying something, but her eyes were focused on the man in front
of her.

“You help me…I help you,” Spike said, watching as Buffy’s eyes darted down
to his lips, studying them for a moment.

“Why?” she asked skeptically.

“Because I don’t really fancy trying to break in a new Slayer,” Spike
replied with a smirk.

Buffy was surprised that she was able to understand him so easily, but she
was more surprised when she smiled at the comment. She realized that she
hadn’t smiled in a week, and her face almost hurt with the effort.

“Come on…let’s get in a workout.”

Buffy nodded, feeling relief course through her. It seemed like all of her
friends were always walking on eggshells around her, and it was a nice break
to have someone treat her like it was a regular night.

Turning around to walk to the back, Buffy saw Giles and Xander were
apparently in a heated discussion and didn’t notice when she slipped away.
Walking into the back room, Buffy could sense when the door closed behind
them and was taken by surprise when she found herself on the ground.

Quickly rolling over, she looked at Spike in confusion. His eyes were
serious as he spoke, “You gotta be ready, Slayer.”

Taking a deep breath, Buffy nodded, jumping to her feet and focusing on the
vampire as they circled each other. She ducked a punch and frowned when the
chip didn’t fire.

“No intent,” Spike said, reading the look in her eyes.

Buffy was confused that they seemed to be communicating with such ease. She
hardly even needed to watch his lips- she could almost look into his eyes
and understand what he was saying to her.

Spike shrugged out of his duster and threw it over the pommel horse before
turning his attention back to her. He saw the confusion in her eyes and
knew that this was new territory for her. He was definitely going to have
tread lightly since he wasn’t sure what was going through her mind.

The two began sparring, and Buffy found herself relaxing in spite of the
situation. Her mind kept flashing back to the past few years when she and
Spike had really been fighting with the intent to kill. It was definitely
more dangerous than the situation was now, but it was something familiar.
It was a time when she knew who she was and what she could handle. There
was never a question in her mind that she could face whatever was coming
next…not like now.
 

Buffy sat on the floor with a water bottle in her hand, leaning against the
door and watching Spike carefully as he sat across from her. He seemed to
be studying her as she rested from the vigorous training session. They had
been sparring for a good twenty minutes with only one interruption when
Giles had come in to check on them before Spike suggested that they take a
break, seeing that the young woman was getting a little winded.

“How are you holding up, Slayer?” Spike asked, his eyes showing true concern
as he looked at her.

Buffy shrugged, looking at the water bottle as she swirled the liquid
around, watching as it lapped at the plastic. “I’ve been better,” she
replied with a soft smile.

Buffy was constantly reminding herself that she was sitting with Spike-
notorious Slayer of Slayers and that he wasn’t a member of the Scoobies,
eagerly wondering how she was. She didn’t know why he cared how she was
doing, but she couldn’t stop herself from feeling happy that he did.

Buffy looked up to see Spike’s eyes still studying her carefully. With a
sigh, she gave him the answer he was looking for. “Some days are harder
than others.”

They sat in silence for another moment before Buffy spoke again.

“Where are the snide remarks tonight?” she asked quietly, looking at him
through her lashes, almost fearing his answer.

“Not as much fun if you can’t hear them,” he said with a smile.

Buffy had to smile, shaking her head as she bit her lip. “Leave it to a
vampire to not ‘tread lightly’ around me.”

“You don’t need someone to tread lightly, Slayer,” Spike replied, tilting
his head to look at her. “You need someone to remind you who you are.”

“Who I was, you mean.”

“No,” Spike said, shaking his head, making sure she was looking directly
into his eyes. “I mean who you are.”

The two blondes stared at each other for a long moment, each feeling the
connection that was passing between them.

“Your turn,” Spike said after a minute.

“For what?”

“I expected you to throw a fit when I walked in and you didn’t…much. Why not?”

“Because I knew you wouldn’t treat me like I was glass,” Buffy replied with
a shrug. “Maybe that’s what I need.”

Spike was about to respond when he heard raised voices in the next room.
Tilting his head toward the wall, he listened for a minute before rolling his
eyes. “Bloody hell.” Looking back at the Slayer, he saw her confused look
as her brows furrowed. “Riley,” he said, clarifying it for her.

Spike frowned when she immediately seemed to shutdown. There was no sign of
the Slayer or even Buffy anymore- now she was back to being the meek little
girl who had to depend on everyone else.

“Slayer-“

Spike was soon cut off when the door of the training room flew open. He was
immediately on his feet as the teutonic boy-toy walked in.

“I’ll take it from here, Spike,” Riley said, his voice dripping with
hostility as he looked at the vampire.

“I don’t think so, mate.”

“Get away from my girlfriend.”

Buffy watched the display before jumping to her feet and stepping in between
the two men. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to admit it, but she was
worried that Spike might be getting into something he couldn’t handle with
the chip in his head. Considering he was the only one to make her feel like
her old self, she wasn’t about to give up that feeling. At this point, she
didn’t care if it was a vampire who was giving it to her.

“I think you might want to talk to the Watcher,” Spike said, knowing that
Buffy was watching the conversation and trying to comprehend as much as she
could.

“I don’t need to talk to anyone,” Riley said in such a soft tone that even
Spike’s vampiric hearing had trouble picking it up. He was also turned in a
way that Buffy couldn’t see him, and Spike could see the frustrated look on
her face.

“Ohhh,” he said in a drawl as a slow smile spread across his face. “You
don’t care that Giles wants me to help the Slayer?” he asked in a loud
voice, delighting in the fact that Riley’s eyes nearly doubled in size.
“You’d rather risk putting your girl in danger than have some evil, soulless
creature helping her?”

Buffy looked over at Riley, her mouth dropping open slightly before she saw
a movement out of the corner of her eye. Turning to see Giles in the
doorway, she clenched her hands into fists as the three men seemed to get
into a more heated argument. It appeared that it was Spike and Giles versus
Riley and that thought alone was enough to confuse her. Buffy tried to keep
up as best she could and noticed that Spike, unlike Riley, stayed turned
toward her the entire time so that she could see what he was saying.

“That’s enough!” she finally yelled in frustration, watching as all three
men looked at her. “Giles, do you want Spike to help me?”

“Yes,” the older man said with a nod.

“Do you think it will be beneficial?”

“I do.”

“Then it’s settled,” Buffy said, shooting a look at Riley. “Spike helps me
train and patrol…end of discussion.”

Buffy watched the hurt puppy dog look come over Riley’s features as he
nodded before turning and walking through the door, back into the main room.

Turning to Spike, she saw the gentle smile on his face that she was rarely
privileged to.

“We patrol tomorrow,” Spike said, looking into her eyes.

Once again, Buffy was amazed that she was able to look into his eyes and
understand him instead of studying his lips. She nodded in agreement.
“Meet me at my house.”

Spike gave her another smile and nodded as he walked out the door.

Buffy wasn’t ready to admit it, but she was relieved that Spike was helping
her. She finally felt like what she was facing was a hurdle that she had to
overcome and not some insurmountable object.

‘Maybe there’s a chance that I can be myself again.’
 

Staring into her closet for several minutes, Buffy worried her bottom lip as
she tried to decide what to wear.

“It’s not like it’s a date…you’re just going patrolling, and then you’ll stop
by the Magic Box,” she muttered to herself. “And Riley will be there so you
want to look nice for him,” she said with a nod, putting an end to her own
disturbing conversation with herself.

Slipping into a pair of black leather pants and a red tank top, Buffy didn’t
even comprehend that she was wearing Spike’s favorite colors. Walking
downstairs, she said goodbye to her mom before walking out the door. She saw
Spike walking up the street and met him halfway.

“Slayer,” he said with a nod of greeting, letting his gaze peruse her body
and admire the soft curves that were barely concealed.

“Hi, Spike,” Buffy replied with a smile, surprising him since it looked
genuine.

The two started walking in silence, Buffy watching him out of the corner of
her eye in case he said something to her.

“How will this work?” she asked after a few minutes, looking over at him as
they walked.

“Patrolling? Stake through the heart, decapitation…I’d think it would be
fairly simple by now. You’ve been the Slayer for how long?”

Buffy swatted Spike on the shoulder, giving him a fake glare when he
chuckled.

“Alright, Slayer…you fight, I watch your back, that’s how it works.”

Buffy’s brows furrowed as she looked at him. “You’re not going to help me?”
she asked, apprehension creeping into her voice.

“If you need it,” Spike replied with a nod. “But I don’t think you’ll need
it.”

A smile seemed to light up Buffy’s face at the vote of confidence. They
continued to walk in silence until they reached a cemetery. Buffy turned
around to face Spike, leaning against a headstone and letting her eyes scan
the area. She kept expecting her vision to improve, but since she was the
Slayer, her eyesight didn’t need any improvement. Spike was the only
vampire she had been around since the incident, and he no longer set off her
‘spidey sense’. She didn’t really know what to think about that, but ever
since Willow’s spell had gone wrong the year before and they thought they
were engaged, something about Spike felt right to her.

“What are you thinking about, pet?” Spike asked, tilting his head to study
her, making sure that she could see him as he spoke.

Buffy smiled slightly. “Actually, I was thinking about Willow’s spell from
last year.”

Spike’s eyes widened. He had tried to put that day behind him…to put the
feel of her lips against his behind him. “And why are you thinking about
that?” Spike asked skeptically, suddenly finding his chipped black nail polish
very intriguing instead of looking in her eyes.

Buffy worried her bottom lip, debating about whether or not she should tell
him.

‘He does seem like he genuinely wants to help, Buff,’ she told herself.
‘What can it hurt…what’s the worst that can happen?’

“Ever since the spell, you’ve seemed different.”

“Different?” Spike asked, looking up at her in confusion.

“Not you,” Buffy clarified. “I just…it’s like I know it’s you, even if I
can’t see you…I feel you.”

Spike watched Buffy lower her head in embarrassment. Gently reaching
forward and tilting her chin up to look at him again, Spike studied her face
for a long moment before speaking. “Do you think it’s something left over
from the spell?”

“No,” Buffy said softly, shaking her head. “I don’t.”

Spike took several unneeded breaths as he looked into her eyes. He opened
his mouth to respond before gritting his teeth when he saw a movement over
her shoulder.

Buffy noticed the change in demeanor and turned to look behind her, seeing
the newly risen vampire. Instantly on her guard, she whipped out a stake
and focused all of her remaining senses on the impending fight.

Spike took a step back, crossing his arms over his chest and watching as the
Slayer ran toward the vamp and leveled him with a swift kick to the head.
He had to smile, loving how she moved when she fought. He noticed that her
form seemed a little off, but he attributed that to the fact that she had to
rely on her other senses.

Instinctively taking a step closer to her when she took a particularly hard
hit, Spike smiled when she spun around and thrust the stake into the vamp’s
chest without even breaking a sweat.

Wiping her hands and catching her breath as she turned to face Spike, Buffy
gave him a soft smile before tucking the stake into the back of her pants.

“How’d I do?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Spike shrugged indifferently and turned around to walk away.

“Hey!” Buffy cried indignantly as she caught up to him. “I think I did a
damn good job! That was probably a new record for vampire slayage,” she
said, watching him while they walked.

“If you believe that, then that’s all that matters,” Spike replied, biting
his tongue to keep from laughing at the expression of disbelief on her face.

“Oh, why am I even looking for your approval anyway,” she muttered huffily,
speeding up to walk ahead of him.

Spike chuckled as she tried to put some distance between them. Jogging to
catch up with her, he caught Buffy’s arm, turning her to face him. “You did
good, Slayer.”

“I know,” she answered, crossing her arms over her chest with a pout.
“Wouldn’t kill you to admit it a little faster,” she muttered, causing Spike
to smile again.

“I’m sorry,” he said in a playful tone, letting his bottom lip stick out in
a pout that was mocking hers. Buffy swatted at his shoulder for making fun
of her. “Hey!” Spike cried indignantly. “It’s not my fault you’re acting
like a baby.”

Buffy glared at him for a moment before her eyes seemed to light up.

“What?” Spike asked, dreading whatever she was about to say or do.

“I seem to remember a time when you liked my lip,” she replied, looking at
him with wide eyes and her lip poking out a little bit.

“Oh, bloody hell,” Spike groaned, closing his eyes as Buffy laughed.

Chapter 7 – Communication


Everyone turned as Buffy and Spike walked into the Magic Box laughing. The
sight was a little strange, to say the least, but the majority of the gang
was so relieved to see a smile on the young woman’s face that the vampire
at her side could be overlooked.

Buffy gently slapped his arm as they walked toward the rest of the group,
playfully scolding him for whatever it was that he’d said before she
separated from him to take a seat next to Riley.

Her attention was soon drawn to her boyfriend when he grabbed her arm to get
her attention. She didn’t appreciate being manhandled when he could have
just tapped her on the shoulder, but she kept her mouth shut as she turned
to look at him.

“You two seem cozy.”

Since no one turned around, Buffy assumed that he’d mouthed the words to
her. She glanced up and saw Willow and Tara talking to Spike who was
sitting on the counter next to the cash register. For his part, he seemed
interested in whatever they were saying, giving them each a polite smile and
nodding in agreement with what they were talking about.

“I wouldn’t call it that,” Buffy replied, noticing that Spike glanced at her
when he heard her voice. She didn’t hold his gaze very long, feeling
Riley’s eyes on her. “Where’s Giles?” she asked the gang.

Xander and Anya looked up from their conversation. “He’s running late,”
Xander said.

“Giles is running late?” Buffy asked in disbelief.

“Something about getting new weapons for you to train with,” Willow said,
gently touching Buffy’s arm so they were looking at each other.

Buffy was a little surprised but nodded and dropped back into her chair,
noticing Spike’s eyes were still on her. Normally this would unnerve her,
having a vampire watching her every move, but the look that he was giving
her only put her at ease. That is…until Riley practically jerked her out of
her chair and planted her in his lap.

“Riley, what are you doing?” Buffy asked, looking at him when she felt his
arms band around her waist in a tight grip.

“Just wanted to hold my girl,” Riley said, barely looking at her and making
it even harder to understand him as he nuzzled her neck.

Buffy tensed, her shoulder involuntarily rising to ward off his advances,
but he obviously wasn’t paying attention.

Spike watched the interaction with interest. It was obvious that Buffy
would rather be anywhere else at that moment, but apparently Captain
Cardboard wasn’t concerned with the woman in his arms. At least, if the
looks he was shooting toward Spike were any indication, he was more
concerned with marking his territory.

Buffy looked up, meeting Spike’s eyes, and a silent connection seemed to pass
through them. She realized in that moment that spending time with Spike
wasn’t as strange as she would have expected. He made her feel more at ease
than her friends did, even when she was sitting in a room that was full of
the people who were supposed to support her. Half of them seemed to have
trouble remembering to even look at her when they spoke, but Spike never had
that problem.

A few days ago, Buffy would have eagerly been first in line to throw a punch
or a stake at him. But now…things were different. In less than twenty-four
hours, the blonde vampire had blended into her life with such ease that it
felt like he was the only person she needed to get through her latest
problem, even if it was a huge one. Which was lucky, considering no one
else besides Giles was interested in helping her get through this- they were
all too concerned with taking care of her. She was the Slayer- she didn’t
want comfort, she wanted support.

Spike studied her carefully, seeing the tension in her muscles and the
distress in her eyes. Something was changing whenever he looked at the
Slayer. To begin with, she wasn’t just ‘the Slayer’ anymore. Now, she was
turning into ‘Buffy’, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. The only
reason he agreed to help her was for the money that he was promised.
Helping her was for his own benefit, and that was it…at least, that’s what he
kept telling himself.

He realized in that moment that it ran beyond his monetary gain. He would
be a fool not to recognize that there was some connection that seemed to be
drawing him closer to her. It seemed to be drawing them closer to each
other, and the idea that it wasn’t just a one-sided feeling filled Spike with
a certain amount of hope that he wasn’t ready to think about.

‘I don’t want to be her protector,’ he thought, giving her a soft smile when
her eyes met his, and she visibly relaxed from the look they shared. ‘That’s
what Peaches is for.’

No, Spike wanted to help her. He wanted her to know that she wasn’t alone.
He saw Riley shoot him another look, tightening his hold on the woman in his
arms. Spike couldn’t help the smirk on his face when Buffy tensed up even
more, subtly trying to pull away from him.

She gave Spike a look before turning her gaze toward the door of the
training room. Spike nodded almost imperceptibly as he stood up and
shrugged out of his duster. Laying it across the counter, he disappeared
into the back room without a word.

Buffy disentangled herself from her boyfriend, suddenly feeling defensive
when all eyes turned toward her.

“Spike and I are going to spar until Giles gets here,” she said with a
dismissive shrug.

Buffy noticed that everyone was watching Riley, and she turned to look at him
in time to see him finish whatever he was saying.

“I’m deaf, Riley,” she said with a hard edge to her voice as her anger got
the best of her. “I can’t hear you when my back is to you…I can’t hear you
no matter which way my back is facing, but if you want to talk, I’m going to
have to be looking directly at you. Now, what were you saying?”

“I was asking when you two decided to go sparring?”

The contempt was obvious as he looked toward the door of the training room,
and Buffy was suddenly glad that she couldn’t hear him. The hostility was
probably dripping from his voice.

“Just now,” she replied.

Willow touched her arm, drawing her attention away from Riley. “But you
didn’t say anything.”

“That’s right,” Buffy replied, trying to remind herself that she wasn’t mad
at Willow before she turned back to Riley. “In less than a day, the one
person in this world who I would expect to be gloating about the fact that I
got myself into an incurable situation has learned how to communicate with
me. Not just talk to me,” she emphasized. “But communicate.”

Everyone watched in shock as Buffy disappeared to the back of the shop and
slammed the door behind her.

Chapter 8 – Hearing and Listening


Spike looked up at the sound of the door slamming to see an enraged Slayer
pacing in front of him. Walking over to stand in front of her, she stopped
and looked up at him.

Buffy’s first instinct was to throw a solid punch to his nose before
reminding herself that this was the man who was trying to help her. Taking
a deep breath, she stared into his eyes, noticing for the first time just
how blue they were.

“Are you okay?” he asked, studying her carefully.

“I’m fine,” she replied, flexing her shoulders, unconsciously trying to
soothe the tension that Riley had caused.

“You’re not fine,” Spike said, walking behind her and gently resting his
hands on her shoulders.

Buffy tensed for a brief moment before realizing what he was doing. Spike
smiled when he heard the soft sigh that escaped her lips as she relaxed
against his touch. Her body hummed as his hands worked the tight knots in
her back.

“Mmmm…why have I never been privileged to this before now?”

“I guess we’ve never had the right moment.”

His whispered words were breathed in her ear, and Buffy nearly jumped away
when she realized what he’d said. She couldn’t hear him, she couldn’t see
his lips, but she still understood him.

Chills ran up and down her spine as her eyes widened, unsure of what was
happening between them.

“Spike?” she whispered, feeling his hands pause before he turned her
around.

“What is it, pet?”

“What’s happening?”

Spike tilted his head to stare at her, unsure of what she was asking.

“Th-there’s something going on…between us,” she whispered, suddenly very
unsure of herself. “It’s just…I know what you’re trying to say to me, and
you don’t even have to look at me.”

”You’re getting your hearing back?”

“No,” Buffy replied, shaking her head. “But I can understand you…only you.”

Spike was about to respond when the door to the training room opened and
Giles walked in. Spike suppressed a growl when he saw Riley looking into
the room, apparently not trusting the woman he claimed to love. That
thought alone put a smile on Spike’s face.

‘The ponce obviously thinks I’m a threat to his so-called perfect
relationship.’

“We’re ready,” Giles said, looking between the two blondes.

Spike nodded, shooting a look at Buffy and seeing her closed-off expression.

“We’ll talk later,” he mouthed to her, giving her a soft smile when she
nodded.

Gently putting his hand on the small of her back, they followed Giles into
the main room of the shop. He let his hand fall back to his side when they
approached the table, feeling a strange sense of loss that he wasn’t
touching her anymore.

Walking back to resume his spot on the counter, Spike was taken by surprise
when Buffy bypassed her friends and walked over to stand next to him,
casually leaning against the glass. He saw the surprised look on everyone’s
face and the hateful look that Riley was sending his way, but he chose to
ignore him.

“Well,” Giles began, making sure to face Buffy. “I know it’s only been a
day, but how is the training going?”

Buffy and Spike exchanged a look before turning their attention back to the
Watcher.

“Good,” Buffy said with a nod. “Really good.”

“Can I just say that I don’t like this,” Xander said, surprising everyone-
not with his opinion, but with the fact that he’d kept his mouth shut for
almost a full day.

Buffy watched as the conversation seemed to escalate into a heated argument
as her friends began talking quickly. She could only pick up every other
word that Xander was saying, but for once, she was glad she was deaf. There
had been a very recent time when she didn’t particularly care for Spike
either, but Xander had such an unnatural hatred of the vampire that it was
bordering on ridiculous.

‘You’d think someone dating an ex-vengeance demon would be a little more
open-minded.’

Buffy saw Riley join in the fight, obviously agreeing with whatever Xander
was saying. Giles appeared to be defending his decision that Spike was the
best choice to help Buffy. Willow and Tara were trying to keep everyone
calm and failing miserably as Anya said something that Buffy didn’t pay
attention to. Knowing Anya, it had nothing to do with the argument and more
to do with herself.

The argument seemed to escalate, and Spike kept a careful eye on the Slayer,
seeing her eyes dart around the room, trying to understand what everyone was
saying.

Glancing up at him, Spike saw the despair in her eyes. She was no longer
connected with the group, and it was affecting her more than she was letting
on. If her friends had taken a few moments to talk to her or even look at
her, they would have seen it, too, but they were all too involved in their own
lives and petty arguments.

Trying one more time to understand what everyone was saying, Buffy fought
the tears in her eyes as she pushed away from the counter and ran into the
back room, slamming the door behind her.

Spike was immediately off the counter and walking toward the door, ignoring
how quiet everyone in the room had suddenly become.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Riley asked, catching up to Spike and
spinning the vampire around to face him.

“Where do you think?” Spike responded with venom in his voice.

“I’m her boyfriend. I’ll be the one to check on her.”

“I don’t think so, mate,” Spike replied, practically spitting out the words.
“You have no idea what she’s going through, and you’ll just make it worse.”

“Oh, and you can make it better?” he asked sarcastically

“Yes.”

The confidence in his voice seemed to stun everyone as Spike turned toward
the door again. He felt the other man grab his shoulders and throw him
against the wall. Vamping out, Spike whirled around with a snarl and pinned
Riley to the wall, surprising everyone in the room.

“Spike.”

He looked up at the sound of his name, letting his human mask fall into
place as he looked at Giles. Spike stepped away as Riley searched for a
stake.

“What happened to the chip?” Riley asked, his eyes filled with hatred.

“Are you honestly telling me that I hurt you?” Spike asked, talking to the
other man as if he was the stupidest person he’d ever met. Which in fact…

“I shoved you into a wall. It’s not like I tried to snap your neck.”

That thought alone was enough to nearly bring a smile to his face. Turning
back to the door, everyone began talking at once as Spike reached for the
doorknob. Most were questioning whether it should be Spike that went in or
one of her close friends.

“Don’t you get it?!” Spike yelled, growing more frustrated with the group
before gesturing toward the closed door. “Can you not see what she’s going
through? What you’re putting her through? You’re supposed to be her
friends, but you haven’t even made the effort to understand what she might
be feeling. She may be the one who’s deaf, but you lot are the ones who
can’t hear!”

Chapter 9 – Helpless


Spike quietly shut the door behind him when he entered the training room.
Not that it mattered since he could slam it and it wouldn’t have affected
her. He saw Buffy sitting on the pommel horse, letting her legs swing
lightly as she looked down at her hands. He patiently waited by the door
until she noticed him, not wanting to scare her.

“Don’t hover by the door, Spike. Come on in.”

He had to smile at the fact that she didn’t even need to look up to know
that it was him. Spike slowly walked across the room until he was standing
in front of her. Buffy calmly raised her eyes to his, and Spike felt his
heart clench at the unshed tears that were glistening in her eyes.

“How’re you holdin’ up, Slayer?” Spike asked, letting his hand come up
without thinking and gently caressing her cheek.

Buffy unconsciously closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. His cool
fingers ghosted over her skin until she was practically trembling at his
touch.

Opening her eyes after a moment, she felt herself relax even more when she
looked into his eyes and saw nothing but compassion and concern. “Do you
want the truth or the answer that they want?” she asked, gesturing to her
unseen friends on the other side of the closed door.

“Why don’t we give the truth a shot,” he replied with a gentle smile as he
reluctantly pulled his hand away and sat down next to her.

“I hate this,” Buffy whispered, looking down at the floor as she battled
tears. “I hate that everyone looks at me like I’m going to crack under the
pressure. I hate feeling helpless.”

Buffy gasped when she suddenly felt herself propelled backwards, landing
with a thud on the mats and pinned down by a fully vamped out and snarling
Spike. Kicking him off of her, she felt her heart race as she straddled
him, one hand on his throat to hold him in place, the other on his chest.

Spike’s human face fell back into place as he looked at her. Panting
heavily from the surprise of the moment, Buffy looked at him as if she’d
been betrayed.

“What the hell was that?” she asked, her eyes filled with pain that the one
person she thought she could trust had turned on her.

Spike calmly extracted her hand from around his throat and slowly brought it
to his lips, leaving a tender kiss on the palm. “You’re not helpless.”

Buffy’s lips parted in comprehension as she looked into his eyes, seeing
what he was trying to do. Taking several deep breaths, she gave him a soft
smile. “You’re sneaky.”

“Vampire,” he said as an explanation.

“Sneaky vampire,” she said with a smile that Spike returned.

The mood noticeably changed as their smiles faded. Buffy’s hand began
tingling where it was still resting on Spike’s chest. She could feel the
hard muscles beneath her fingertips and sat up, subtly dragging her hand
down his chest and along his abs.

Spike’s eyes widened as she moved, feeling the familiar stirring in his
groin when her body brushed against it. He hurriedly sat up, nearly pushing
Buffy off of him while he climbed to his feet.

A curious look crossed her features, but she didn’t push the issue. At this
point, she was more eager to understand what was mentally going on between
them. If there was something physical happening, it would have to wait…and
Buffy wasn’t sure if she was ready to admit that there was something
physically.

“Spike-“

Buffy was cut off when Spike gently touched her arm and gestured to the
door. She turned around and saw Giles looking frantic as he jogged toward
her.

“It’s Riley…he’s collapsed.”

Buffy’s mouth dropped open as she looked back and forth between the two men
before she turned and ran out of the room.

* * * * *

Spike waited with the rest of the Scoobies in the waiting room of Sunnydale
General. He didn’t really care what happened to Captain Cardboard, but he
knew that Buffy wanted him there. She hadn’t asked him, but…he knew it.

Spike hadn’t seen Buffy since she’d disappeared with Giles in tow a few
hours before, but he wanted to wait as long as possible, hoping to see that
she was holding up alright.

Sitting next to the window, he knew he would have to leave soon. The sun
was about to rise, and he definitely didn’t want to be on the receiving end
of it.

“Riley’s going to be okay.”

Spike’s head snapped around when he heard Buffy’s voice. She was standing
next to Giles, and she looked exhausted. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy,
and her shoulders were tense. Spike wanted nothing more than to take her in
his arms and offer whatever comfort she would take, but he knew that it
wouldn’t be a wise idea with her friends practically standing guard around
her. They had ignored Spike over the past few hours, but that didn’t mean
they had all accepted him.

“Giles was able to get through to the Initiative and they sent a doctor…he
had surgery and he’s going to be fine.”

Spike slipped out of the room as her friends enveloped Buffy in a group hug.

Lighting a cigarette before he was even out of the hospital, he took comfort
in the nicotine that flowed through his dead lungs.

“Spike!”

Turning around at the sound of her voice, Spike frowned when he saw her
running towards him.

“What’s wrong, Slayer?”

Instead of answering, Buffy ran up to him and threw her arms around his
neck, pulling him to her for a warm hug.

“Thank you for being here,” she whispered into his leather-clad shoulder as
his arms wrapped around her waist.

Breathing in her scent, Spike’s eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of holding
her close.

“I know you don’t like Riley, but thank you for staying.”

Reluctantly, Spike pulled away, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as
he gave her a soft smile. “Anytime you need me, Slayer, you know where to
find me.”

Buffy smiled, looking downward as a faint blush came across her cheeks. “We
do need to figure out what’s happening,” she whispered.

“I know.”

Buffy’s eyes snapped up to his after he spoke. “How are you doing that?”

“Like you said, pet,” he replied with another smile. “We’ll figure it out.”
 

Chapter 10 – Houseguest


Sitting in his chair with a tall glass of blood and vodka, Spike stared at
the TV screen without really seeing it. Something was happening to him.
Every spare minute of the day, he was thinking of the Slayer…and none of
those thoughts involved her painful death.

A loud crash sounded through the crypt, and Spike was immediately on his
feet. He suppressed the sudden, intense desire to roll his eyes when he saw
Harmony run into the crypt.

“You have to help me!” she cried in an overly dramatic fashion, bracing her
hands against the flat surface of the door and staring at Spike.

“And why is that?” Spike asked with a sigh.

“My minions are after me!”

Spike tried to suppress the smile as his lips quirked in response. Clearing
his throat before he spoke, he gave Harmony a hard look. “And why should I
help you, pet?”

“Because you’re my Blondie Bear,” she replied as if it was the most natural
explanation in the world.

“Let’s get one thing straight, Harm. I am not your anything. You can stay
here, but if your so-called ‘minions’ show up, don’t expect me to help you.”

“You would just let them kill me?” Harmony asked with a pout that did
nothing for him.

Rolling his eyes, Spike sighed. “Not if you didn’t deserve it…happy?”

“Very,” she replied, sauntering up to him and planting a kiss on his cheek.

* * * * *

“Hey,” Buffy said with a soft smile as Riley began to wake up.

“What happened?” he asked with a groggy voice, looking around the room in
confusion.

“You collapsed,” she said quietly. “The stuff that the Initiative pumped
into you apparently started to backfire. Giles was able to get in touch
with someone, and they sent one of their doctors to operate.”

“So…I’m not strong anymore?”

Buffy took his hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze in a silent show of
support.

“Riley, of course you’re strong. You’re just not Superboy anymore.”

“There was nothing wrong with me, Buffy,” he replied, angrily pulling his
hand away from hers. “I was more powerful than I've ever been. Most people
would kill to feel like that.”

“Yeah, and that feeling was going to kill you. Riley, your body was not
built for that kind of strength-“

“I could have handled it,” he said in a sulking voice that Buffy couldn’t
hear. “This was my deal, Buffy, so just…back off.”

Buffy looked at him with the hurt evident in her eyes. She turned to walk
out of the room, jumping slightly when she felt his hand on her arm.

“I’m sorry, okay? I just don’t want to be Mr. Joe Normal. I liked being the
super-guy.”

“And it’s not enough for you to be Joe Normal?”

“It's not enough for you,” he emphasized, pointing to her.

“What?” Buffy asked in disbelief. “I started dating you when I thought
that’s who you were. Did you conveniently block that out? I liked ‘Joe’.”

“Yeah, right,” Riley replied with a scoff.

“What are you saying?” Buffy asked in confusion.

“Come on. Your last boyfriend wasn't exactly a civilian.”

“So that's what this is about? You would be willing to die over some macho
pissing contest?”

“It's not about him. It's about us.”

“What?”

“You're getting stronger everyday, more powerful,” Riley clarified. “I can't
touch you. Everyday, you're just…a little further out of my reach.”

“So you have this all figured out?” she asked angrily. “I'm bailing because
you're not in the super club?”

“It's human nature.”

“Don't Psych 101 me,” she said, shaking her head. “Not now. Not after
everything that…do you think that I spent the last year with you because you
had super powers? If that's what I wanted, then I'd be dating Spike.”

Her eyes widened when she realized what she said…and the fact that it didn’t
bother her as much as it should have.

“I need to go.”

Riley caught her arm, pulling her back toward him. “I’m sorry,” he said,
looking into her eyes. “I should have never doubted you.”

Buffy nodded, leaning forward to give him a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll stop
by later,” she said softly.

Riley nodded, trying to pull her closer for another kiss, but she pretended
not to recognize his advances and pulled away.

“Get some rest.”

* * * * *

Pushing open the door to his crypt, Buffy looked around the top level.

“Spike?” she called softly, keeping an eye on the shadows. The light
disappeared as the door closed behind her, and Buffy was suddenly feeling
uneasy. The few tense seconds that she waited for her eyes to adjust to the
darkened interior left an unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach.
She got the distinct impression that she wasn’t alone, and being deaf and
nearly blind was too much for her as she turned back to the door.

Feeling a hand on her arm, Buffy swung around and felt her punch blocked.
Looking up, she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Spike staring at her
in concern.

“What’s wrong, Slayer?”

“N-nothing.”

Spike raised an eyebrow, obviously not believing her.

“I was just getting the feeling that there was another vampire here, and it
was hard to see…”

Buffy trailed off when she saw a blonde head appear from the lower level.

“Harmony?”

Spike turned and clenched his jaw when he saw the other woman. Harmony
froze when she saw the Slayer standing by the door before rushing back down the ladder.

“Am I interrupting anything?” Buffy asked with an edge to her voice.

“No,” Spike replied, looking into her eyes. “She just needed a place to
stay for a day or two.”

“And your place was the logical choice?” Buffy asked, hating the jealousy
that was creeping into her voice. She couldn’t even hear it, but she knew
it was there.

“It’s just for a couple of days.”

Buffy didn’t say anything as she turned toward the door. She stopped when
she felt Spike’s hand cover hers.

“Why did you stop by?” he asked softly, his eyes never leaving hers.

“It’s not important,” she replied in a distant voice before looking over his
shoulder at the ladder. “If she kills anyone…”

“I’ll stake her myself,” Spike replied honestly.

Buffy looked at him in surprise. “You will?”

Spike nodded, feeling a little better when he saw a genuine smile briefly
appear on her lips.

“I’ll see you later,” she murmured, disappearing into the sunlight.

Spike stared at the door for a long moment after she disappeared. Something
felt different, and he couldn’t figure out what it was.

Chapter 11 – What’s Happening?


A/N My dad has been sweet enough to let me borrow his laptop while mine is being fixed :-) Which means updates should be regular. Allison is going to be updating Fireworks until I get my other computer back, so I don’t have to save so much to his computer. It’s still being continued, it just won’t be updated at the exact time as this story. Hope you like the chapter :-)



Slowly walking into the hospital room, Buffy felt despondent. She put a
bright smile on her face when Riley looked at her, but if he had been paying
attention, it was obviously fake. Fortunately, Riley wasn’t one to pay much
attention to her feelings and expressions. He took things at face value, and
that was proving to be beneficial at that moment.

‘And yet one more difference between him and Spike,’ Buffy thought. ‘And
one more point in the Spike column…wait…there are no points, and especially
no points for a vampire versus your boyfriend!’ she mentally chastised
herself.

“How are you?” Buffy asked, slowly approaching the bed, nervously tucking a
strand of hair behind her ear. She had decided to come back and check on
him since she felt guilty about leaving him to go see Spike…but not guilty
enough to stay very long.

“I’m better,” Riley replied, giving her a weak smile.

“Glad to hear it,” she said, letting her fingertips graze over his hand
before entwining it with his. “And see…still touchable.”

Riley nodded, relaxing at her touch. “Give me a week or so, and I’ll take
full advantage of that fact.”

Why did that phrase not offer the comfort it should have?

“I just wanted to check on you before I head home.”

“You’re leaving?” he asked, his voice edged with disappointment.

“I kind of need some sleep,” Buffy replied, feeling a little annoyed that he
wouldn’t know this. ‘Give him a break, Summers. He just had surgery and
probably isn’t feeling like himself.'

“You’ve probably been up all night, haven’t you?” he asked, not bothering to
wait for an answer. “Where’d you go?”

‘To try and figure out why I’m seeking comfort from a man who used to be my
enemy instead of staying here with you.’

“I had to get something to eat,” she said with a nod as if she was
convincing herself of the fact. “You had me so worried- I couldn’t eat
anything while you were in surgery.”

‘And yet another lie to add to the Buffy Fib Chart.’

“I’m sorry,” Riley said, pulling her down to the bed, serving to fuel
Buffy’s annoyance that he didn’t even acknowledge that she wanted to leave.

“Why don’t you stay? Get some rest with me.”

“Riley, I really don’t think I’ll be able to sleep with you taking up the
bed.”

“So sleep on top of me…I won’t mind,” he said with a smile.

“Thanks for the offer, but my bed is calling me.”

“Oh, alright,” Riley said, pouting.

Buffy let him kiss her softly, but it didn’t offer anything she needed.
Jumping up from the bed as if she’d been burned, she backed toward the door.
“I’ll check on you later, okay?”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Without waiting for a response, Buffy was out the door. She felt like she
was being smothered when she was alone in a room with him. As if there was
a crushing weight on her chest.

‘Even in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines, he still manages to tower
over me with that overprotective vibe.’

And it wasn’t anything he said. He just wanted too much from her, and Buffy
wasn’t ready to give him that much.

* * * * *

Lying in her bed, Buffy inhaled and exhaled sharply, trying to get over the
need of going to Spike. She felt like she’d been tossing and turning for
hours, and her thoughts kept turning back to the blonde vampire. Incessantly
making her want to seek some much-needed comfort from him. But most of all,
she was trying not to think of the other woman staying with him…alone and
possibly in his bed.

Rolling onto her side, she buried her face in her pillow, gasping in
surprise when she felt a strong arm gently wrap around her waist, pulling
her against a hard and muscular body.

“It’s alright, luv…I’m here,” he whispered as if he knew what she was
thinking. She shivered when she felt his breath tickling the bare skin of
her shoulder. “I’ve got you.”

Buffy practically melted against him. She’d never felt this amount of
relief before, and it was wonderful to let herself be a girl and not the
Slayer for a few precious minutes. To let him take care of her and give her
what she needed.

“What are you doing here?”

“You needed me,” he murmured against her skin.

“I’ve always needed you,” Buffy whispered, turning to look at him.

She reached up, gently brushing a curl off his forehead and smiling when
Spike leaned into her touch, closing his eyes at the soothing gesture.

“Something’s happening to me, Buffy,” he said after a moment, opening his
eyes to look at her.

“I know,” she said softly. “It’s happening to me, too.”

“I want to be with you,” Spike whispered, his lips brushing against hers as
he spoke. The soft caress left her trembling, wanting more. “I’ve wanted
you from the first moment I saw you.”

Buffy moved so that she was laying underneath him, thrilled at the power
that he had over her. “I want you,” she whispered, pulling him down to her,
feeling her pulse race with excitement when his lips ran over her neck. “I
want you so much.”

* * * * *

With a gasp, Buffy sat up in bed, clutching the sheet to her chest and
breathing heavily. Turning to look out the window, she saw that the sun was
setting. With a shaky breath, Buffy closed her eyes, trying to regulate her
breathing. Memories of the dream haunted her and left her with an
undeniable sense of loss when she realized that he wasn’t there with her.

“What’s happening to me?”

* * * * *

Spike’s eyes slowly opened as the sun set. Images came back to him as he
began looking around. He felt panic course through his body when he
realized he was alone.

“Where is she?” he asked himself, looking around frantically. “Where’s
Buffy?”

It took him a moment to realize that it had just been a dream. Bringing his
legs up to his chest, Spike let his head fall into his hands. Everything
felt so real- her touch, her willingness to have him close to her, the
gentle feel of his lips barely brushing against hers…the way her body felt
underneath his as she admitted that she wanted him.

‘This isn’t right,’ Spike thought to himself. ‘She’s the Slayer and you’re
a vampire. It doesn’t work this way.’

With a sigh, Spike raised his eyes to stare at the wall of his crypt.

“Or maybe this is exactly the way it’s supposed to be.”

Chapter 12 – Blood and Tears


Nervously walking toward the cemetery, Buffy couldn’t get that dream out of
her head. She could practically still feel Spike’s lips on hers. She could
feel the excitement rushing through her when she thought of him kissing her
neck.

So lost in thought, Buffy nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a hand
on her arm. She subconsciously knew that it was Spike since her Slayer
senses weren’t going off, but she could still feel her heart racing in her
chest.

Spike slowly turned her around to face him, his eyes narrowing when he heard
the thumping of her heart and saw her flushed face.

“You alright, Slayer?” he asked, tilting his head to look at her.

Buffy took a few steadying breaths before nodding.

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah,” Buffy finally responded in a soft voice, trying not to focus on the
tingling sensation that was sweeping over her skin as a result of his hand
still on her arm. “I’m fine.”

Spike didn’t believe her but decided not to push the subject. She would
tell him if she wanted to. His mind briefly flashed to the dream, but he
focused on his surroundings, not wanting to remember how real her body felt
beneath his.

Buffy began walking, and Spike could see the rigid way she was holding
herself. Her shoulders were tense, and her arms were crossed in front of her
chest as if she was trying to mentally ward off something.

“How’s Harmony?”

Turning toward her, Buffy noticed that Spike’s eyes had widened at the
question.

“She’s…she’s fine,” he replied skeptically.

“Are you two…back together?” Buffy asked, a hint of trepidation in her
voice.

“No,” Spike said, studying her eyes. “Not yet.”

“Not yet?”

She could practically feel her heart sinking in her chest.

‘Riley…must think of Riley…stealthy boyfriend guy who is lying in a hospital
bed.’

“Jealous, Slayer?” Spike teased, biting his bottom lip as he studied her.

“No,” she replied too quickly and with too much indignation. “I just…I just
think you can do better.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, that’s so,” Buffy said with a nod. “Not that she and Drusilla were
the models for the perfect girlfriends, but-“

“Keep quiet about Dru,” Spike interrupted, his jaw tense.

Buffy’s eyes widened in surprise. She could feel the anger rolling off of
him in waves, and it only served to fuel her own.

“Why should I?” she asked, turning toward him, her arms still crossed over
her chest. “It’s not my fault that she up and left.”

“You’re treading on thin ice, Slayer.”

“Why do you even care anymore, Spike? It’s been two years- get over it.”

“Just like you’re over Angel?” he countered, taking a step closer to her,
his eyes flashing. “Dru and I were together for over a century- you and
Peaches were together a few years, and he ‘up and left’. So what does that
tell you?”

Buffy’s face seemed to close off as she stared at the vampire.

‘He’s right,’ she thought sadly. ‘Angel couldn’t even stand to be around me
for a few years. Drusilla and Spike were together for over one hundred years and…’

Buffy forced her train of thought to stop when she noticed the smug
expression on Spike’s face. She wanted nothing more than to get away from
him. “It’s not my fault your girlfriends are such vapid whores.”

Not bothering to wait for his reaction, Buffy turned and began walking
through the cemetery, fighting the tears in her eyes. She stretched out her
senses after a few minutes, trying to find Spike and realizing he wasn’t following her.

Coming to a stop next to a mausoleum, she took a deep breath, her chin
trembling as she leaned against the cold stone. Unable to fight it anymore,
her hands traveled up to her face, muffling the sobs that erupted.

Letting her legs practically collapse under her weight, she slid down the
wall, burying her face in her knees and letting her body shake with the
agony that she would never be enough for anybody.

* * * * *

Spike watched her walk away, clenching his jaw as she disappeared. He knew
that she was trying to be hurtful and succeeded with what she said, but
he was still feeling guilty.

‘You’re a vampire- you’re not supposed to feel guilty,’ he lectured himself.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t let her wander through a cemetery when she
couldn’t hear where her enemies might be.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Spike started walking in the
direction she had gone. His mind kept turning over the conversation, and he
felt his heart dropping with every memory.

What she’d said to him was meant to be hurtful, but it was true. His retort
about Angel leaving her made Spike’s heart clench. He hated his poncey
Grandsire, but he knew that Angel never would have left Buffy if it wasn’t
for the curse.

Following her scent, Spike looked around and listened closely. He could
hear sobs nearby, and his heart felt like it was breaking apart, piece by
piece. Taking a deep breath, Spike walked around a crypt and saw her in the
distance. Her body shaking with the force of her tears and her arms wrapped
tightly around her legs, almost burrowing into herself.

Watching her for a long moment, Spike closed his eyes, trying to figure out
the best way to approach her as he swallowed the lump in his throat. His
eyes snapped open when he heard a growl, and he immediately began running
when he saw two vampires attacking Buffy.

With a burst of speed, Spike made it over to her and flung one of the
vampires into the wall of the mausoleum, spinning around and kicking the
other one in the stomach.

Buffy lay on the ground, gasping for breath. Spike’s eyes widened when the
intoxicating smell of her blood floated toward him.

“Buffy-“

Landing with a thud, Spike growled at the vampire who was trying to attack
him. With a roar, he grabbed both sides of the vampire’s head and ripped it
clean off. Letting the dust settle around him, he noticed Buffy on her feet,
battling the remaining vamp.

The look of satisfaction on her face when she staked him nearly brought a
smile to Spike’s face until he remembered she was bleeding.

“Where are you hurt?” he asked, running over to her.

“It’s nothing,” she said softly, pushing him away. “Just a scratch.”

“Buffy, you’re bleeding,” Spike said, turning her to face him so she could
see what he was saying. He saw the tears that were still in her eyes and
his expression softened. Gently brushing her hair out of her eyes, he gave
her a soft smile. “I didn’t mean it,” he whispered.

“Doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

“Believe me when I say no one would leave you unless they absolutely had to,
luv.”

Buffy took a deep breath, giving him a small smile. “About what I said…”

“It’s all true,” Spike replied, his eyes already on her body, his senses
stretching out to find where she was injured. “Where are you hurt?” he
asked again.

Buffy swept her hair away from her neck, and Spike growled when he saw the
cut. It wasn’t a bite, but the blood pooled from the small cut, and the
ambrosia was practically calling to him.

The bloodlust building up in Spike’s eyes was obvious as Buffy stared at him.
His lips parted as if he was already savoring the taste. She found herself
unconsciously leaning toward him, feeling the same pull toward him that he
was feeling toward her. He seemed to snap out of it a moment later, looking
into Buffy’s eyes. He suddenly realized how close he came to losing her.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, moving toward her.

“It was my fault,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “I shouldn’t have brought
it up and turned it into such a petty argument-“

Buffy was cut off when she felt Spike’s arms wrap around her in a crushing
hold. “I almost lost you tonight, pet,” he whispered, so overcome with
emotions that he wasn’t used to, he didn’t even realize that he wasn’t
looking at her. Buffy gasped when she, once again, understood what he was
saying without looking at him.

“I’m fine,” she murmured, letting her hands travel up to wrap around his
neck. “I’m here and I’m fine. It takes a lot more than a couple of stupid
fledglings to kill me.”

Spike didn’t say anything as he held her. He didn’t know what he was
feeling for the young woman, but he did know the connection with her was
stronger than he’d ever felt with anyone.

It wasn’t love- it was something stronger…he just didn’t realize it yet.

Chapter 13 – Blind Ambition


“Is this really necessary?” Buffy asked skeptically, watching Spike and
Giles move around the training room of the Magic Box.

“Yes,” they replied simultaneously.

“Why?” she asked, putting an appropriate amount of whining into her voice to
get the point across.

“Because Spike told me about the close call last night, and we both feel you
need a little more work,” Giles said.

Both men watched as a pout grew on Buffy’s lower lip before she turned to
Spike. “Traitor,” she muttered halfheartedly.

“Sorry, luv, but I’m not taking anymore risks with you,” Spike replied,
walking toward her with a blindfold.

Buffy felt a tremor of fear go through her at the idea of being deaf and
blind before Spike gave her a soft smile of reassurance. “You’re safe,” he
said, looking into her eyes. “We’re just going to work on your other
senses.”

“But it’s not like it will help. We don’t have any chained up vampires that
we can use, and I always know when you’re close by.”

Giles raised an eyebrow as Spike smiled with pride. “True, but you’re not
getting out of this.”

With a heavy sigh, Buffy nodded her agreement. Spike slowly moved behind
her, slipping the blindfold over her eyes and knotting it. He could hear
her heartbeat pick up and lightly ran his hand over her back to assure her
that everything was alright before moving to stand in front of her.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing,” Buffy said, turning her head
from side to side as if she was searching for them in the darkness.
“You’re just doing this so you can take funny pictures of me.”

Spike smiled, gently running his hand along her cheek. His smile broadened
when she leaned into the caress, a move that did not go unnoticed by Giles.

Letting his hand travel down her arm, Spike squeezed her hand, signaling
that they were ready.

Buffy took a steadying breath, instantly knowing when Spike moved away from
her. Her heartbeat increased when she felt his demon emerge. Turning in a
circle, she didn’t realize when she closed her eyes against the blindfold,
tuning into him.

“How’s she doing?” Giles asked as Spike walked around the Slayer in a
circle.

“She’s adjusting,” Spike replied, feeling a little strange that they were
talking about a woman who was standing no more than five feet away.

“Is she in danger if she goes out alone?”

Taking a moment to stop and shoot the Watcher a glare, Spike replied, “She’s
standing in front of me in a blindfold because of last night’s patrol. What
do you think?”

Giles nodded, watching as Buffy seemed to adjust and slowly move toward
Spike. The blonde smiled as he moved away, leading her in a circle.

“Attack her.”

Spinning around to face Giles, Spike looked at him in disbelief. “Are you
insane?”

“Don’t hurt her, Spike. Just let her know what it would be like to fight
blind.”

“She’s not just blind, Rupes. She’s deaf, in case you forgot.”

“Exactly,” Giles replied. “Which is precisely the reason I want you to do
this. I’m trying to keep her alive, Spike. And somewhere, deep down, I know
that’s what you want as well.”

“Not deep down,” Spike muttered.

“What was that?”

“I said, it’s not deep down,” he repeated, looking the other man in the eye.
“In fact, it’s pretty close to the surface.”

“What are your feelings for her?”

Spike backed away as Buffy grew more confident, picking up her speed and
walking directly toward him.

“I don’t know,” Spike replied honestly. “There’s a connection between us.”

“What kind of connection?”

“I don’t know what it is.”

Buffy whipped around, landing a kick to Spike’s side, causing him to fall
back on the mats. Springing up, Spike blocked her other moves before she
smashed her fist into his nose, sending him reeling back.

Whipping off the blindfold, Buffy glared at the two men.

“It means that I can understand him without looking at him and he should
have remembered that,” she said, throwing the blindfold at Spike and walking
out of the training room.

“Bloody hell.”

“She can understand you?”

“What did it look like?”

“Only you?”

“As far as I know,” Spike replied. “I better go find her.”

Giles nodded as Spike ran out of the room and out of the shop. He saw Buffy
down the street and jogged toward her, not surprised when she turned to face
him.

“What?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What did I say to make you mad?” Spike asked, stopping in front of her.

“What did you say?” Buffy asked in disbelief. “It doesn’t matter what you
said, Spike. It’s the fact that you were talking about me as if I was
invisible. The two of you were having a conversation and it’s like I wasn’t
even in the room. I thought the objective was to help me, not talk about me
behind my back. It’s like I’m nothing to you.”

Slowly approaching her, Spike made sure to keep eye contact. “I’m sorry,”
he said honestly.

Trying to hide how hurt she really was, Buffy crossed her arms over her
chest in a protective manner.

“Forgive me?” he asked with a pout that brought a brief smile to her face.

“Don’t do it again.”

“I promise.”

Buffy nodded, turning around and smiling when he fell into step with her.
“Are you walking me home?” she asked playfully.

“I figured it’s the least I can do.”

The two walked in comfortable silence until they reached her house.

“You can come in if you want to,” Buffy said. “You haven’t seen my mom in a
while, and I’m sure she’d be happy to see you.”

“Raincheck?”

“Do you have a hot date?” Buffy asked, trying to keep her tone lighthearted.

“No, Slayer,” he said with a smile. “Believe it or not, I actually just
want to go home and get some rest.” At Buffy’s confused look, he continued.
“Harmony’s not there to yap at me, so I can actually enjoy the quiet.”

Buffy laughed and nodded as Spike turned around to walk back down the path.

“Spike?”

She waited until he turned around before approaching him. Wrapping her arms
around his neck, she left a soft kiss on his cheek, smiling when he pulled
back to look at her in surprise.

“I just wanted to say thank you. You’ve had to deal with me adjusting to
the situation, and then there’s the mood swings-“

“I’ve been dealing with the mood swings for a lot longer,” he said,
chuckling when she smacked him on the shoulder.

“I was trying to be nice.”

“Thank you, luv,” he said, his voice and eyes softening as he tucked a
strand of hair behind her ear.

Buffy relaxed against his touch, leaning closer to him. “You’re the only
one I feel like I can trust.”

Tilting his head to look at her, Spikes brow furrowed in confusion. “What
about Giles?”

Buffy shrugged. “I trust him…to an extent. I just trust you more.”

Spike’s face lit up in a smile as he took Buffy’s hand, leaving a tender
kiss on it. “That means a lot, luv,” he said, watching Buffy’s smile
brighten. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Count on it.”

“Good night, pet. Tell your mum I said hello.”

“I will,” she said, waving at him and disappearing into the house as Spike
walked toward the cemetery.

Neither noticing Riley watching the entire conversation from the shadows.

Chapter 14 – High Stakes


Spike had just settled in for the night with a tall glass of blood in one
hand and the TV on when he heard the loud bang of the crypt door as it flew
open and smashed into the wall. If he didn’t know better, he would have
thought it was Buffy, but he would have sensed her long before she walked
through the door.

Turning around, Spike stood up and glared as Riley walked into his home.

“What do you want, Soldier Boy?” he asked with a bored expression.

Not saying a word, Riley walked up to Spike and punched him in the nose.

Reeling backward, Spike slammed into the wall with the force of the blow.

“What the fuck was that?!” he yelled, holding his hand up to try and stem
the gushing blood.

“Stay the hell away from Buffy,” Riley said in a menacing voice, his eyes
trained on the blonde.

“And if I don’t?”

“Then you’ll be on the receiving end of my stake.”

To emphasize the point, Riley slammed another punch into Spike’s jaw.

“Maybe you’re forgetting something, you berk,” Spike said, spitting a
mouthful of blood on the floor. “Her Watcher is the one who wants me to
stay close to her. If you don’t like it, you can take it up with him.”

“Why should I have to when intimidating you works so well?”

Spike’s jaw clenched as he stared at the bigger man. “You actually believe
that you intimidate me?”

“Considering I could kill you right now and you couldn’t do a damn thing
about it? I’m thinking yes.”

“That’s not intimidation, mate,” Spike growled, resisting the urge to wipe
the look off his face.

Immediately folding over when Riley’s fist impacted with his stomach, Spike
was barely able to refrain from gasping for air.

“What’s the matter?” Spike muttered. “Afraid I’m gonna steal your girl?”

“Like you could.”

“Then what are you so worried about?” he asked, straightening and gritting
his teeth against the pain in his ribs. “Do you not trust her?”

That earned Spike another punch to the stomach. “Stay away from her or I
will kill you.”

“And what am I supposed to tell the Slayer and her Watcher?”

Spike’s eyes widened a split second before the stake came crashing into his
chest, piercing his unbeating heart. Unable to do anything but groan and
weakly try and shove Riley away, he closed his eyes when the stake was
pulled out, Spike’s hand immediately covering the gaping hole.

“What the bloody hell…”

“Plastic wood-grain. Looks real, doesn't it?” Riley asked, grabbing Spike’s
shirt. “Don't think I don't know what's going on with you, Spike. Stay away
from her. Or we'll do this for real next time. Tell her about this…and I’ll
make you beg me to kill you.”

Walking out the door, Spike finally allowed the pain to settle in as his
body fell to the floor.

* * * * *

Buffy eagerly walked toward Restfield Cemetery, looking forward to
patrolling tonight. Giles had been reluctant to let her go to the graveyard
alone, but Buffy quickly assured him that she would be meeting up with Spike
and he wouldn’t let her get hurt.

Seeing his crypt in front of her, a rare smile graced her features as she
sped up her pace. She quickly knocked on the door before opening it. She
knew knocking wasn’t customary for her and it would probably surprise him,
but it felt like the right thing to do.

“Spike,” she called, walking through the door and keeping an eye on her
surroundings. She smiled when she saw him seated in his chair, watching a
tape of ‘Passions’. “Hi!” she said with a bright smile, walking around the
chair and turning to face him. She frowned when she saw the serious
expression on his face. “What’s wrong?” she asked, sitting down on the arm.

Spike looked up at her, surprised at the upbeat expression in her eyes.
“Ummm…nothing,” he said, shaking his head.

“Something,” Buffy replied with a playful smile, poking him in the shoulder.

The lighthearted teasing in her tone made this even harder. “I can’t go
patrolling with you, pet.”

Buffy frowned. Spike was facing her, and she could clearly read his lips and
understand him, but he wasn’t making eye contact, and that was starting to
worry her.

“Oh,” she said softly, obviously disappointed. He hated being the one who
caused her good mood to evaporate. “Okay…well…maybe tomorrow then?”

“I can’t patrol with you anymore, Buffy.”

Her open expression immediately dissolved, leaving the shell of the woman
who had been walking around lately. “Can I ask why?” she asked softly.

“It’s complicated,” Spike muttered.

“And you’re not going to tell me?”

“I wish I could…but I just can’t, luv.”

“I get it,” Buffy whispered, standing up and walking toward the door. She
jumped when Spike caught her by the arm, moments before she walked through
it.

“I’m sorry,” he said with remorse evident in his gaze. “I wish it could be
different.”

“So why can’t it?” she asked miserably. “Is it me? Are you just tired of
me?”

The question echoed the similar sentiment that she asked Angel after they
made love. This situation was so different, and somehow, the weight of what
he was going to say would impact her much more than anything Angelus said to
her.

“It’s not you,” he said, shaking his head. “I just can’t…be around you
anymore.”

Buffy nodded, turning around before he could see her chin quivering. “I’ll
see you around,” she said in a harsh voice.

Quickly grabbing her arm again, Spike turned her to face him. “It’s not
you,” he said in a strong voice. “I…I…” love you “…care about you,”
he said, his eyes widening when he realized what almost came out of his
mouth.

“Yeah,” Buffy said angrily. “You care. Everyone cares! Everyone
cares so much that it’s going to get me killed, and then you won’t have me to
worry about anymore.”

Before he made a move to grab her again, Buffy shoved him away, sending him
flying ten feet as she ran out of the crypt, letting the door slam behind
her.

Spike watched the door slam and tried to swallow the lump in his throat
before dropping his head into his hands.

 

A/N I know a lot of people are wondering why Spike would listen to Riley, and I hope that’s explained in this chapter. I also wanted to say, thank you so much to everyone who has voted for me in the Spuffy Realm’s Weekly Poll! It means a lot that so many people are enjoying this fic, because I love writing it!


Chapter 15 – Intervention


Walking through the graveyard, Xander and Willow followed close behind Buffy as she searched the area. Riley was busy that night and it was decided that Buffy needed to have someone with her when she patrolled.

The Slayer seemed to be hunting, and it was a little unnerving for her friends to watch. She had already taken out her aggression on three unsuspecting vampires and a demon, and it didn’t seem to take the edge off her at all. She still had an angry look in her eyes as she scanned, trying to tune into her remaining senses.

Seeing a vampire in the distance, her friends followed after her in concern
when Buffy took off running for it, uncaring of the potential danger she was
putting herself in.

Launching herself at the vamp, both worriedly watched the blonde as she
threw a series of strong punches and kicks, getting knocked to the ground in
the process. Struggling beneath him for a moment, Buffy managed to get in
two more hits before thrusting the stake into its unbeating heart. Dust
exploded around her, coating her skin and clothes. Panting as she sat up
and brushed herself off, Buffy barely gave her friends a second glance.

“You okay, Buff?” Xander asked when he was able to get her attention.

“Fine,” she mumbled, standing up and walking away.

Willow and Xander exchanged a look with each other. It had been a week
since Spike told her he wouldn’t be helping anymore, and this was always the
end result of Buffy’s patrols. They were starting to get very concerned
about the destructive route that the Slayer seemed to be traveling.

“Is she gonna be okay?” Xander whispered to Willow.

The redhead looked at her friend who was busy scouting the area, hoping for
another vampire.

“She’s hurting,” Willow said softly, wishing that Buffy would open up to
her. After Spike told her he wouldn’t be helping her anymore, Buffy seemed
to shut down. She wouldn’t allow anyone to get close enough to help her or
even talk to her.

Both were surprised when a vampire came out of nowhere, launching itself at
Buffy. She quickly retaliated, fighting him off as her friends stood by,
waiting to intervene if necessary.

Slamming furious punches at the vamp, Buffy attempted to take out all of her
frustration on it. Her friends were about to yell at her to stake him
before they realized that she wouldn’t be able to hear them. Willow could
see the tears streaming down Buffy’s cheeks as she pummeled the vampire, and
she felt her heart ache for her friend. It seemed like everything and
everyone she connected with was always taken away.

Tearing her eyes away from her friend, Willow made sure to scan the area.
Even if she was at top form, Buffy would never know if something was behind
her. All of her focus was on the vampire that she was beating to a bloody
pulp.

Smashing her fist into its face one last time, Buffy staked the vampire and
jumped to her feet. Without sparing her friends a glance, she continued
walking through the cemetery, her eyes scanning the surrounding area.

The tears continued to fall down her cheeks as she walked. It had only been
a week, and everything already felt too hard. She had lost the one person
who she could actually talk to. She had lost the one person who didn’t
treat her like she was too weak to still be the Slayer.

‘Not lost,’ Buffy reminded herself, trying to keep her anger close to the
surface. Anger was easier to deal with than pain. ‘You didn’t lose him,’
she thought. ‘You were abandoned by him…soul or no soul, there was
something there and it didn’t matter to him.’

She had never felt so alone.

* * * * *

Sunlight poured into the crypt as the door smashed against the wall. Spike
didn’t need to turn around to know that it was her Watcher.

“What kept you?” he muttered, taking a long drink from the whiskey bottle in
his hand.

“We had a deal, Spike,” Giles said angrily.

“Relax, Watcher, you never paid me. You didn’t lose anything,” he replied,
trying to keep the remorse out of his voice.

“I’m going to lose a Slayer!”

Finally looking up and meeting the other man’s gaze, Spike sighed. “No,
you’re not,” he said firmly as he sat down in his chair.

“I’m starting to think it’s unavoidable,” he said, watching the vampire
carefully. “She’s getting sloppy, Spike.”

“I know,” Spike replied softly, never looking at the Watcher as he took
another drink from the bottle.

“You’ve been following her?”

Spike stayed quiet for a long minute, watching the alcohol swirl around the
bottle.

“Had to watch out for her,” he whispered. “Never too close or she’d know I
was there, but…I had to make sure she was safe.”

“Then why did you tell her you wouldn’t patrol with her anymore?” Giles
asked, becoming more frustrated. “She needs someone right now, and for
reasons beyond my comprehension, she’s chosen you to be that someone, and to
have that taken away is doing more damage than the hearing loss. Why won’t
you help her?”

“Because apparently Captain Cardboard is more concerned about his
relationship than keeping the woman he loves alive!” Spike yelled, jumping
up from his chair, his jaw clenching in anger.

“Riley threatened you,” Giles said quietly, looking at the floor in
disbelief.

Spike didn’t say anything as Giles sat down, trying to understand what he’d
just been told.

“Spike…even if Riley threatened you, I can’t imagine why you would listen to
him. The chip keeps you from harming him, of course, but I think you of
all…people, would find a way around certain aspects of it.”

Taking an unneeded breath, Spike looked at the bottle, unconsciously
scratching his chest where the stake had been plunged in. “The ponce was
serious,” he finally muttered. “No, I’m not scared of him, but I can’t very
well help the Slayer if I’m dust in the wind, now can I?”

“Of course,” Giles said with a nod of comprehension. “This is the safest
way to keep both of you alive…until now.”

Spike watched in confusion as the other man jumped up and left the crypt.

Chapter 16 – Longing to Hear You


Giles was surprised when the door opened to reveal Buffy. Her eyes were
puffy and bloodshot, her skin was pale, and dark circles shadowed the
delicate skin under her eyes.

“Hi, Giles,” she said in a weak voice, stepping aside to let him in.

Crossing the threshold, Giles closed the door and followed the Slayer into
the living room. His frown deepened when he watched her curl up on the
couch, wrapping a blanket around her small form as if she was trying to
protect herself.

“How are you?” he asked softly, not really needing an answer, since she was
doing a fine job of letting him see how she was.

“I feel alone, Giles,” she whispered, knowing that she could be honest with
him. “And I know what you’re going to say,” she continued, cutting him off
as he opened his mouth to reply. “You’re going to tell me that I’m not
alone. That I have friends and family who care about me and want me to be
safe. That I’m strong enough to face anything, but…I’m not,” she murmured.

“And Spike made you feel as if you weren’t alone? That you didn’t have to
do this by yourself?”

Buffy nodded looking down at the floor, not trusting herself to respond.

Touching her hand to get her attention, Giles gave her a soft smile. “Do you love him, Buffy?”

Her eyes widened, her mouth dropping open slightly when she realized the question
wasn’t accusing and surprisingly wasn’t judgmental. He merely was asking a
question, expecting an honest response. “No,” she whispered, shaking her
head. “But there’s something…there’s something between us and I can’t
explain it. Giles, I can hear him…I know it sounds strange, but when he
speaks to me, I can hear him. And now he doesn’t want anything to do with
me and…and it’s just this emptiness again. Just this void of nothing, and
I’m all alone.”

“And you feel like this all the time?”

“Yeah,” Buffy whispered, nodding slightly. “I don’t know what it is. Is it
because I’m the Slayer and have to rely on so many senses? Is it because I
wasn’t born this way and now I have to adjust? I just don’t understand.”
Pausing for a moment, Buffy let a brief smile flash on her face as she
looked at her Watcher. “Who would have thought that silence really is
deafening?”

Giles smiled at the comment, relieved to see a small part of the Slayer come
shining through. “But the silence speaks as well.”

“Now you’re going to get all proverbial on me.”

“You started it,” Giles said with a grin as Buffy smiled. His face soon
turned into a hard mask as he looked down at his hands, making sure that
Buffy could still see his lips moving. “What if I was to tell you that it
wasn’t Spike’s decision to stop patrolling?”

Staying quiet for a long moment, Buffy shrugged. “He made his choice.”

“What if I were to tell you that he was threatened by someone? Someone whom
you know very well, that if he doesn’t stay away from you, he will have to
pay the consequences?”

“Riley?” Buffy asked, her eyes widening in disbelief as Giles nodded.

Taking a deep breath, she turned her head away from him, trying to get her
thoughts in order.

“Riley threatened to kill him unless he stopped patrolling with me?”

“That’s what I was able to get from Spike.”

Buffy was off the couch in a flash, practically running for the door, not
giving Giles a second look as she ran from the house.

* * * * *

“Buffy,” Riley said with a surprised smile as she walked through the door.
“What are you-“

“You son of a bitch!” Buffy screamed, restraining herself from slamming her
fist into his nose.

“Whoa, what’s wrong, baby?”

“Don’t you dare ‘baby’ me, you bastard!”

Riley was trying to ignore the insults, noticing the tears that were
swimming in her eyes. “Talk to me, Buffy, tell me what’s wrong.”

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong! What’s wrong, Riley, is that you don’t care
about me!”

“That’s not true, I love you.”

“If you loved me, why would you threaten Spike?” she asked, crossing her
arms over her chest.

His eyes widening in understanding, Riley hurriedly tried to think of
something and decided that a version of the truth was his best option. “He
was getting too close to you,” he said, looking into her eyes. “I was
worried something could happen to you.”

“Like what?” Buffy asked through gritted teeth.

“What if…what if he hurt you?”

“He can’t,” Buffy said angrily. “The chip.”

“And what if he got someone else to hurt you?”

“Then he would have done it a long time ago, Riley,” she cried in
exasperation, throwing her arms up in the air.

“He could have been waiting for you to let your guard down and-“

“Stop,” she cut him off, holding her hand up in warning. “He wouldn’t do
that…two years ago…last year, maybe he would have, but it’s different now.”

“Don’t delude yourself- he’s still a monster,” Riley said, shaking his head.

“He’s different now. And if a ‘monster’ can be more open to change than a
human being, I’m willing to trust the monster,” Buffy paused, taking a deep
breath. “It’s over, Riley,” she whispered.

“Buffy, no,” he said with wide eyes. “Look, I know you’re angry and I’m
sorry. I was just trying to keep you safe-“

“Trying to keep me safe?” she cried. “Trying to keep me safe by taking away
the one person who can help me?”

“I can protect you.”

“I don’t want protection, Riley,” Buffy said angrily. “I want help. I want
the ability to look in the mirror and not see this glaring weakness of mine,
and he was doing that. I don’t need a guardian, I need a partner.”

Buffy turned to walk out the door when Riley stopped her. Turning to look
at him, she saw the anger clouding his eyes.

“And you want him to be your partner?”

“I want to be able to know that when I patrol I’m safe.”

“I can keep you safe.”

“Have you not listened to a word I’ve said? I want to be safe, not have
someone standing watch over me. Spike is able to do that.”

“He’s a soulless thing.”

“Maybe,” Buffy said with a shrug, opening the door. “But I trust him. I
trust him more than I trust you.”

Walking outside, Buffy paused to take a deep breath. That was easier than
she ever expected. Leaning against a nearby brick wall, she worked on
steadying her breathing. Maybe she’d been too hard on Riley, but he had no
right to treat her like she was his and dictate her life. She’d already
been through that with Angel. She needed someone who treated her as an
equal.

But first she had to straighten things out with Spike.

Chapter 17 – In a Heartbeat


“Spike!”

Immediately on his feet, Spike turned toward the door as Buffy ran through,
stopping when the door slammed behind her.

“What are you doing here, Slayer?”

“I had to see you,” she said, panting lightly from her run. “I…I know what
happened.”

“Bollocks,” Spike muttered, looking around the crypt for anything resembling
alcohol. He wanted to be completely numb by the time Soldier Boy came
looking to make good on his threat. “What do you know?”

“I know that Riley threatened you,” she said softly, taking a few more steps
into the crypt. “I know that he told you to stay away from me. And I know
that he doesn’t care about me.”

Spike finally looked up into Buffy’s eyes, seeing the emotions swirling
around in them. The pain, the hurt, the betrayal. Her eyes had never been
so expressive, and it was more than a little unnerving to him. The Slayer
had always been very closed off, and he realized that now, when she had been
stripped of one of her most basic senses, she was opening up in ways he
didn’t even think she was aware of.

“He cares about you, luv,” Spike said with a heavy sigh. He hated defending
the wanker, but in Riley’s twisted, black and white version of good and
evil, he knew that he really did care about Buffy. He obviously cared
enough to want to be with her at all costs when he felt the relationship was
threatened, even if it wasn’t for the best reasons and his actions could
have cost the Slayer her life.

“How do you know?” Buffy asked, feeling the full effects of what Riley had
done now that she was able to slow down enough to think.

“He’d be a bloody fool not to,” Spike replied, looking directly into her
eyes.

Buffy felt the warmth spread through her when the comforting resonance of
his voice broke through the fog and entered her subconscious.

Noticing her shoulders slump, Spike tilted his head to look at her. Buffy
smiled when she finally raised her eyes to look at him again. “I can hear
you,” she whispered, relief evident in her voice. “It’s just…I missed
that.”

Spike watched as tears came to her eyes before she hurriedly blinked them
away.

“I don’t want to stop patrolling with you, Spike.”

“Look, pet, I don’t think it’s such a good idea, considering-“

“I broke up with Riley.”

“Bugger,” Spike muttered, biting his bottom lip as he looked down. Captain
Cardboard was definitely going to have it in for him now.

“He doesn’t even care enough about my well-being to trust me around…to,
um…to trust my strength,” Buffy said softly, looking away when she realized
what she’d almost said. Why would he be worried about trusting her around
Spike? It’s not like she thought of him in a sexual way. It’s not like she
looked at the lean torso that was both hidden and enhanced by the tight
black t-shirt he wore. It’s not like she studied the hard lines of his
body- his broad shoulders, his slim waist, leading even lower to…

Spike’s head nearly snapped up when he caught the scent of her arousal
filling the room. Quickly looking away before she realized what he was
thinking and ran out with her virtue fluttering, Spike hid the smile on his
face as he turned around, pretending to want something to drink and
desperately wishing that he knew what she was thinking.

“So the connection isn’t gone?” he asked with his back to her, deciding to
change the subject and test his theory at the same time.

“If you mean, can I still hear you when you’re not facing me, I think I just
answered that.”

Spike turned around with a smirk, crossing his arms and smiling when she
nervously licked her lips, her eyes traveling over the exposed muscles of
his forearms and biceps. Oh yeah, he knew what she’d been thinking of.

“We never have really talked about that,” he said with a grin. “I’m
surprised your Watcher hasn’t been researching it in every spare second.”

“Who says he hasn’t?” Buffy replied with a shrug. “I’m not exactly in the
loop anymore.”

Spike frowned at the despondent tone of voice. “You’re the Slayer,” Spike
replied in confusion.

“Thanks for telling me. I never would have figured that one out without you.”

“Careful now, Slayer. It would seem I’m the only friend you’ve got.”

“Is that what you are?” Buffy asked quietly. “A friend?”

“Is that what you want me to be?” Spike countered, watching her carefully.

‘What do I want him to be?’ she wondered silently.

“I want someone I can count on,” Buffy said softly, raising her eyes to his.

“Then that’s what you’ve got,” he replied honestly.

“So what do you want me to be?” she asked, insecurity creeping into her
voice. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to know the answer to that question.

“What do I want you to be?” Spike repeated, opening his mouth to answer
before he snapped it shut as a word echoed through his head. ‘Mine.'

Shaking his head to clear it, Spike looked into the wide hazel eyes of the
young woman in front of him. “Would it be redundant to say the same thing
back to you?” he asked with a smile, trying to cover up what he was
thinking.

Staring at him for a long moment, Buffy closed the distance between them,
wrapping her arms around his lean waist. She needed the reassurance of this
moment. She needed to forget the flashing neon signs over their heads that
screamed ‘Mortal Enemies.’ She needed to be a girl taking comfort in a man
she considered to be a friend.

Spike’s arms wrapped around her waist in surprise. He could have sworn he
felt his heart begin beating at her close proximity when he realized that
it was hers. The soft thudding against his chest reverberated to him,
creating an echo inside him that made him feel alive. Swallowing the gasp
of surprise, his arms tightened around her as he let his eyes close,
enjoying the feel of her in his arms.

Resisting the urge to brush a kiss to the top of her head, Spike lowered his
head, preparing to say something to her, even though he didn’t know what to
say.

Opening his mouth, his eyes snapped open when he realized what he was
preparing to say- ‘I love you.’ Gulping back the fear that welled up
inside of him, Spike slowly pulled away from her. He didn’t want to love.
He didn’t want to love the Slayer of all people, but looking into her eyes,
he knew it was inevitable. Distancing himself from her, Spike took an
unneeded breath, avoiding her strong gaze.

“Do you want to patrol?” she asked quietly.

“Sounds good,” he replied, trying to keep his voice normal and cringing when
it was much higher than he was used to. Yep, he was in trouble now.

Chapter 18 – Betrayal of Trust


Trying to resist the urge to stare at her as they walked through the
cemetery, Spike shoved his hands in the pockets of his duster. He half-expected Riley to jump him out of nowhere, but he realized as long as Buffy
was with him, he wouldn’t try anything.

They had been patrolling for over two hours and staked five vamps.

“Why did you listen to Riley?” Buffy blurted out all of a sudden, causing Spike to look at her.

“I didn’t,” he mumbled, looking away. “Not really.”

“What do you mean?”

“Had to watch after you,” he said softly.

“You…you followed me?”

Spike merely nodded as Buffy’s eyes widened. Walking in silence for a few more minutes, she finally decided to change the subject, since he seemed to be unusually quiet tonight.

“I need to stop by the Magic Box. I haven’t checked in with Giles.”

Allowing a smirk to play on his lips, Spike looked at her, trying not to
think of how the moonlight made her look more beautiful than he would have
thought possible. “You never have bothered to check in before, pet. Why
start now?”

Buffy smiled, wrapping her arms around her body and trying to ward off the
unusually chilly air as they walked. The temperature continued to drop the
later it got. “Giles is one of the only people to make an effort since I
lost my hearing…I guess I can be a good little Slayer and try and behave
sometimes.”

Spike chuckled at her tone of voice before seeing her shiver in the cool
air. Quickly shrugging off his duster, he turned to face her, giving her a
soft smile when she stopped and looked at him. Buffy sighed gratefully when
his coat was draped over her shoulders before looking up at him. She
noticed the unguarded look in his eyes as he adjusted the collar around his
neck. She didn’t know if it was her imagination or if he was showing her
genuine affection. His hands lingered where they were for a moment before
he tapped her on the edge of her nose, giving her a grin. “Can’t have you
freeze to death, now can I?”

“That would definitely not be of the good,” she said with an answering smile
as they began walking again.

“But if we run into any baddies, you guard that coat with your life.”

Buffy giggled, looking down at the sleeves of the duster, rolling them up so
they didn’t encase her hands. “Where’d you get this coat, anyway?”

Spike froze, wondering if he should let her know how he really got it or
tell a little white lie. “It belonged to the last Slayer I killed,” he
muttered, unable to look in her eyes.

All humor immediately disappeared from her face as she stopped walking,
turning to look at him. “You’re serious?”

“I am,” he replied, turning to face her. “But I’m not…whatever I was back
then.”

“A demon,” Buffy said in a much harsher voice than she intended. “So if you
could undo it, you would?”

“Never said that,” Spike said quietly.

“You’d kill her again?”

The demon tried to battle its way to the surface. Wanting to scream and
shout that it would gladly snap a neck or rip the throat out of anyone that
was put in his path. But looking into Buffy’s eyes, William made his way to
the surface. “I don’t know,” he replied honestly, feeling his stomach drop
as Buffy took a step away.

She knew she shouldn’t react this way. He was a soulless chipped vampire,
but something inside was telling her that he was more than that.

“It’s a lot of factors to consider, pet.”

“Like what?” Buffy asked, self-consciously crossing her arms over her chest.

“I never would have met you,” he said softly.

“Wh-what do you mean?” she asked with a nervous tremor making its way into
her voice.

“If that Slayer hadn’t died, the line would have changed…you might never
have been called-“

“And you wouldn’t have shown up in town wanting to kill me,” she finished
for him. “So I could have lived the life of a normal girl.”

Spike closed his eyes before slowly turning away from her. “I’m sorry,” he
whispered as he walked away.

Buffy hesitated for a brief moment before following him. “Don’t be,” she murmured, unable to look him in the eye. “I’m not saying what you did is okay, but I know how to appreciate life now. I never would have figured that out before. Granted, I have a shorter lifespan,” she said with a grin.

“Don’t joke about that,” Spike said sharply, looking at her as they
approached the door of the Magic Box. “You’re going to live a long life,
Slayer. I’m going to see to that.”

“You are?” Buffy asked in surprise, her breath coming out in sharp pants
when he gently tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

“You’re going to be around for a long time, luv.”

Buffy felt as if she was getting lost in his eyes as he leaned forward and
left a soft kiss on her cheek.

“We better get inside.”

She could only nod as he opened the door to the shop.

* * * * *

An hour later, Buffy was about to walk out the door when Spike stopped her.
His hand lingered on her arm, causing a small tingling sensation to spread
through her body as he turned her to face Giles.

“Buffy, do you feel okay getting home by yourself?” Giles asked.

“Yeah,” she answered skeptically, her brow furrowed as she looked at her
Watcher.

“I need Spike to help me with a few details regarding the demon that
attacked you.”

“Okay,” she said softly, giving Spike a last look before she walked out the
backdoor.

Spike was skeptical as Giles led him back to the main room of the shop,
walking behind the counter and opening up the drawer. He tightened his jaw
when he saw the wad of cash that was pulled out.

“You’ve kept up your end of the bargain,” Giles said, counting out the bills
and laying them on the counter. “Kept an eye on her, even when you didn’t
have to. I think you’ve earned it.”

Spike looked at the money with trepidation for a moment before hesitantly
picking it up and stuffing it in his pocket.

* * * * *

Buffy was a few feet out of the Magic Box when she realized she was still
wearing Spike’s duster. Turning around, she walked back in, already taking
off the coat and offering it to…nobody. Walking toward the open door that
led to the main room, she stopped when she saw Giles holding a stack of cash,
studying his lips as they began moving.

“You’ve kept up your end of the bargain. Kept an eye on her, even when you
didn’t have to. I think you’ve earned it.”

Looking at them with tears in her eyes, Buffy watched Spike look at the money
before taking it from the counter and giving Giles a brief nod.

Backing away from the door, she let the duster fall on the ground before
running out of the shop. The two people she thought she could trust had
been arranging a business transaction behind her back. A sob ripped from
her throat as the betrayal washed over her.

Chapter 19 – Death Wish


Spike walked through the back of the Magic Box, frowning when he saw his
duster lying on the floor. Picking it up, he briefly brought it to his
face, inhaling the sweet smell of vanilla and honeysuckle before he realized
that something didn’t feel right. Closing his eyes, he pictured Buffy
leaving the shop and easily remembered the duster wrapped snugly around her
small frame.

Looking at the open door that led to the main area of the shop, he felt his
heart tighten at the thought of what she could have witnessed.

“I would have sensed her,” he muttered to himself. “I would have heard her
or…”

He trailed off, realizing that he had been distracted with Giles and the
blasted money. Knowing that there was a possibility that she could have seen
something that she might not have understood nearly had him gasping for
unneeded air. He could almost sense the different emotions that lingered in
the air.

“Bloody hell, she must have seen.”

Without another thought, Spike ran out of the shop, hoping that Buffy didn’t
have too much of a head start.

* * * * *

Walking toward her house, Buffy had veered off toward a nearby cemetery, not
wanting to have to face her mother just yet with tears streaming down her
cheeks- she needed to get her emotions under control.

Everything had been turned on its axis, and Buffy didn’t know how much more
she could take. When the vampire caught her off guard with a hard hit to
her jaw, she found herself falling, landing on her back on the hard earth.
She tried to fight back but was too overcome with the raging emotions,
putting very little force behind her punches.

‘Nothing means anything anymore,’ she thought as the vampire eagerly pinned
her body with his.

Buffy closed her eyes as the alarms sounded through her body, waiting for
the fangs to pierce her jugular. She just wanted it to be over. She wanted the
pain, the confusion, and most of all, the betrayal to be nothing but a
distant memory. SHE wanted to be nothing but a distant memory.

Nothing could have surprised her more than the feeling of the vampire
disintegrating on top of her. The dust falling around her as she looked
into the cold blue eyes of a man she thought she trusted.

“What the bloody hell was that?!” Spike yelled, jerking her up by her arms
and giving her a hard shake. “Are you trying to commit suicide? Because
that’s what it fucking looked like!”

Buffy had never seen Spike this angry, but she turned away, wanting to
ignore him as she brushed herself off.

Spinning her around, Spike grabbed her arms and held them in a bruising grip, ignoring the
warning zaps that the chip was sending through his brain. “Do you want to
die?” he asked, giving her another shake for good measure, trying to get her
to look at him.

“What do you care?!” Buffy yelled, trying to break free of his hold.

“Because I care about you,” Spike said, his grip loosening slightly.
“You’re the strongest Slayer I’ve ever been in contact with, and I’ll be
damned all over again if I let you go out that way.”

“I’m not the Slayer!” she screamed as tears ran down her face. “I’m nothing
anymore. I’m a shell of the Slayer and I haven’t had a chance to be a girl!
I’ve been the Slayer since I was fifteen, and I was never able to figure
out who BUFFY was! Now, I don’t even have that…I’m just a liability.”

“Where the hell are you getting this?” Spike asked, his eyes softening as he
took a step back and looked at her.

“Let’s just say I had a sudden realization tonight.”

“And that would be?”

“Why don’t you go ask your business partner,” Buffy said bitterly. “What?
You don’t have any more business transactions to make tonight?” she asked,
her arms crossed in front of her chest.

Spike knew that he would have to approach this very carefully. “Slayer-“

“Don’t!” she yelled, fighting the tears in her eyes, pointing a finger at
him in warning. “I don’t want to know. Whatever you’re about to say…I
trusted you,” she trailed off in a whisper as tears continued to stream down
her cheeks. “I thought we had something special, and it was all just for
money.” Buffy covered her face with her hands as the sobs racked her body.

She jumped when she felt his arms wrap around her and quickly pulled away,
landing a solid punch to his nose that sent him reeling back. Spike
hurriedly steadied himself and blocked her other hits.

“I trusted you!” she screamed, her emotions taking over as she cried. “You said you were my friend!”

“I am,” he said quietly, letting her take out her anger and frustration on him, only bothering to block the worst of her hits, knowing that she would need to get this out of her system. He held his arms out to his sides when he felt her strength dwindling as her fists weakly hit his chest. Wrapping his arms around the young woman, Spike dropped to the ground with her when her legs gave out.

Stroking her hair and holding her in a firm grip as she cried, he planted
soft kisses in her hair, letting his hands trail along her back, trying to
soothe her.

After a few minutes, he felt Buffy pull away but held her at arms' length,
forcing her to look at him. “I never wanted to hurt you,” he said, his eyes
never leaving hers as silent tears slipped down her cheeks. “I didn’t take
the money.”

Her eyes widened as she looked at him. “You didn’t?”

Spike shook his head before answering. “No.”

“Wh-why not?” she asked, her voice trembling.

Hesitating for a moment, Spike leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to her
lips. It was barely a caress, but it was enough to elicit a response from
her. She eagerly leaned forward, craving his touch as she deepened the
kiss, holding him to her.

Breaking away after a moment, each breathing heavily, Buffy looked into his
eyes again. “Why didn’t you take the money?” she asked again.

“Because I love you.”

Chapter 20 – Denial & Acceptance


“Love? You…you love me?”

Spike was staring at her through eyes that were filled with so much emotion,
Buffy felt short of breath. “I do,” he whispered, waiting for the hardening
of her features or the moment when she would shove him away and try to get
as far away from him as possible.

“Since when?” she whispered, surprising him by not distancing herself from
his embrace as they still sat on the ground.

“Remember the night at the Magic Box? The night when Riley collapsed?”

Buffy nodded, her eyes widening. “The night that I actually heard what you
said for the first time?”

It was Spike’s turn for his eyes to widen. “Yeah,” he whispered, his brow
furrowed together as he tried to understand what that meant. “I just didn’t know what I was feeling.”

Buffy stayed quiet as he ran his hand gently over her hair.

“Come on, pet, let’s get you home,” he said, trying to change the subject as he helped her
to her feet.

“Spike, I don’t think-“

“Leave it, Slayer,” he said in a harsher tone than he intended, regretting
it the moment that he saw the hurt in her eyes. Tightening his jaw, he
avoided her strong gaze, trying to get his emotions under control before he
looked at her again. “It’s not a big deal,” he finally mumbled, feeling her
eyes bore into him. “I just don’t want to make a thing out of it.”

“It is a big deal,” Buffy insisted, grabbing his arm and forcing him to turn
and look at her.

“Why?” he asked, keeping his expression closed off so she couldn’t see what
he was feeling.

“Because that’s not something that you just blurt out and then pretend that
it was never said!”

“Look, I know how this will play out. I stand in front of you with my heart
on my sleeve and you throw it back in my face. Forgive me for not wanting
that to happen tonight.”

“Is that really what you think?”

“Slayer, the only reason you’re standing in front of me is because you lost
your hearing. If that wasn’t the case, you would still be barging into my
crypt and beating me up for information.” Spike stopped when he noticed the
look of pain that crossed her features.

“Maybe,” she murmured, looking down at the ground. “Probably…but things are
different now.”

“No, they’re not.”

“Why?” Buffy asked angrily. “Because I have a disability now? Who cares,
Spike! Everything that ever led to anything has had events that set it up!
Do you think I would have been with Angel if I wasn’t the Slayer?” She
ignored his grimace at the mention of Angel as she continued, “Do you think
that I would be with Riley if Angel hadn’t left town? Do you think that you
would be here if Drusilla hadn’t left you? Because by your reasoning, I
shouldn’t be with you, because if Dru didn’t leave you, you wouldn’t have
that chip in your head.”

“That doesn’t make one bit of sense,” Spike replied in exasperation.

“Doesn’t it? If I wasn’t deaf, we wouldn’t be standing here right now. If
you didn’t have that chip in your head, we wouldn’t be standing here right
now. It seems pretty cut and dry to me,” she replied, crossing her arms
over her chest.

“Does that mean you love me?” he asked with a raised eyebrow, preparing
himself for the answer he knew would be the only and final blow.

Buffy stared at him for a long minute before speaking. “It means…I’m not
against the idea.”

Spike’s eyes widened a fraction before closing off his emotions once again.
“You don’t know what you mean,” he replied, turning away and walking in the
direction of her house.

Buffy stood behind him, fighting the tears in her eyes. She tightened her
jaw, slowly following behind him and waiting for him to turn around. When
he finally did, Buffy did the one thing she never expected to do again.
Walking up to him, she slammed her fist into his jaw, suppressing the smile
as he regained his footing.

“What the bloody hell was that for!?” he yelled, holding a hand to his
throbbing jaw.

“For being an idiot,” she replied, walking past him.

Spike quickly caught up to her, grabbing her arm and spinning her around.
His flashing eyes seemed to turn remorseful as he looked at her face and saw
the pain in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“You just…you ask me if I love you, and I give you an honest answer and…why
ask me if you already had your mind made up about what I was going to say?”

Spike sighed before looking around the area. They were a few blocks from
Buffy’s house, and it was getting late. “Let’s get you home, pet.”

“You’re just going to ignore this, aren’t you?”

“What am I supposed to do?” Spike asked, feeling his heart tighten at the
simple words.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy stepped forward, slipping her hand into his,
tightening her hold as she looked into his eyes. “You’re supposed to see if
this can work.”

“You don’t love me, Buffy,” he whispered in a resigned voice.

“No,” she said softly. “I don’t…but I didn’t love Riley either. Love
doesn’t seem to come easy for me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to try
and see what’s here…because I can tell you right now, I already have more of
an understanding relationship with you than I ever did with Riley.”

A slight smile graced Spike’s face as he looked into her eyes, seeing the
honesty reflecting in them.

“Walk me home?” she asked, biting her lip as she waited for his answer.

Looking down at their joined hands, his smile broadened. “You know I will.”

Setting a comfortable pace, both stayed quiet, enjoying the simple feel of
the other as the walked through the darkened streets. Neither wanted to
break the tranquility of the moment, each wanting to remember it forever.

Turning onto Revello, Spike’s hold tightened on her briefly before he moved
to let her go. “What are you doing?” Buffy asked, her fingers clasping
around his.

“I didn’t think you’d want anyone you know seeing us.”

Buffy frowned. It was definitely going to be a difficult conversation,
considering she would have to tell her friends that she had just broken up
with Riley and she was starting something with Spike, but she strangely
realized that she didn’t care what they thought.

Walking in silence for a few more moments, Buffy climbed one of the steps
leading up to the porch and turned to face him. “Spike,” she whispered,
taking his other hand in hers, feeling a calming sensation at the linked
feeling. “I need to ask you something, and I don’t think you’d lie to me,
but-“

“What is it, luv?”

Hesitating for a moment, Buffy took a deep breath. “The chip…if you ever
got the chip out, would you-“

“No,” he replied, cutting her off. “I wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

He felt a strange feeling of hurt wash over him at the disbelief in her
eyes.

“You don’t believe me?”

“It’s just…you haven’t even had it for a year and-“

“And how could a soulless demon reform in less than a year's time?”

“Well…yeah.”

“Easy answer, luv,” he replied, tucking a lock of silky hair behind her ear.
“You.” At her surprised look, he continued, “I’ve been having feelings
for you for a long time- I’ve just been ignoring them. You make me want to
change, Buffy.”

She felt tears come to her eyes as her chin quivered with emotion. Not
giving any thought to what she was doing, Buffy brushed a tender kiss
against his lips. She had to smile at Spike’s shocked expression when she
pulled away. He’d obviously never expected her to initiate a kiss between
them, and the look on his face was priceless.

“I better get inside,” she whispered, reluctance evident in her voice.

“Okay, luv,” Spike said softly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Spike felt like he was in heaven as her lips brushed against his once more,
eliciting a moan from him before slowly pulling away. “Good night, Buffy.”

Buffy watched as he turned around and disappeared down the street before
walking into her house, feeling more relaxed.

* * * * *

Spike had an uneasy feeling the entire walk back to his crypt. He was so
distracted by everything that happened with Buffy tonight, he hadn’t been
paying attention to his surroundings.

“We need to talk.”

Turning at the sound of the familiar voice, Spike raised an eyebrow,
surprised that he’d let his guard down. “What do you want, Soldier Boy?”

Chapter 21 – Déjà vu


An uneasy feeling washed over Buffy as she said good night to her mother.
Pausing on the stairs, she tried to tune into her emotions, wondering what
was wrong with her. Turning and walking back down the stairs, Buffy saw her
mom sitting on the couch watching television, exactly the way she’d left her
less than a minute ago.

“Mom…do you feel that?”

“What, honey?” Joyce asked, looking at her daughter in concern.

“It feels like something is wrong and I don’t know what.”

Joyce looked deep in thought for a moment before answering. “Do you think
it’s a Slayer thing?”

“I-I don’t know…the only time I’ve ever felt anything like this was when
Angel was poisoned, but I was standing right there with him and it wasn’t
this strong.”

“Do you think it’s-“

“Spike!”

Before Joyce could respond, Buffy was out the door and running toward the
cemetery.

* * * * *

The feeling got stronger as she approached the crypt. Putting on a burst of
Slayer speed, she practically knocked the door off the hinges in her rush to
get through it.

“Spike?”

Looking around and calling his name, Buffy tuned in every sense to locating
him. “Spike, where are you?”

‘Come on,’ she urged silently. ‘You know I can hear you, answer me.’

Walking toward the back of the crypt, she frowned when his presence didn’t
seem as strong. “Spike?” she whispered with tears in her eyes, praying to
anyone and everyone that he would answer.

Taking several deep breaths and forcing herself to calm down, Buffy closed
her eyes, letting her feelings take over. After an excruciatingly long few
seconds, her eyes flew open before she ran to the door again. Pausing for a
brief moment when the night air hit her face, Buffy turned left and ran a
few paces, nearly tripping as she skidded to a stop. Feeling her breath
catch in her throat, she dropped to her knees, choking back the bile in her
throat as she looked at the beaten vampire in front of her, lying in a pool of blood.

Cuts and bruises littered his face and body. Swelling was already beginning,
and blood was pouring out of open wounds. She felt her heart stop when she
realized that he was unconscious.

Dropping to her knees, Buffy’s first thought was to check for a pulse until
her brain kicked in and reminded her that she wouldn’t find one no matter
what.

“Spike,” she whispered in a hopeful tone, gently touching his chest,
wondering if a vampire could die from blood loss.

As gently as she could, Buffy maneuvered him into a better position and
picked him up. Slowly moving him toward the crypt, she was careful not to
jar any of his potentially broken bones as she walked through the door.

With a sigh of relief, Buffy laid him down on top of a nearby coffin, trying
to keep the tears from falling as she ran for the refrigerator and came back
with a brimming cup of blood.

Slowly moving him so she was cradling his head in her arm, Buffy tilted the
blood toward his mouth, hoping that the scent would entice him, even in his
unconscious state.

Holding her breath when he took a small swallow of blood, she felt her heart
drop in her chest when he immediately choked on it and spit out the
mouthful.

“Spike, you need to drink,” she whispered as she finally let her tears fall,
lowering her head to his chest as her body shook with the force of her sobs.
“I can’t lose you…I can’t!”

“Buffy?”

Jerking her head up at the hoarse voice, Buffy gasped when she saw one eye
open. “It’s me,” she whispered, tenderly trailing a hand over his battered
cheek. “I’m here.”

With a painful grimace, Spike reached up and took her hand in his, leaving a
tender kiss on the palm. “Why the long face, pet?” he asked with another
cringe.

“I thought…I thought I’d lost you. What happened?”

“It’s not important,” he mumbled, turning away from her.

“Yes, it is,” she replied, walking around the coffin so she could look at
him again. “Who did this to you?”

Seeing the resolve in her eyes, Spike sighed and immediately regretted the
action when his ribs protested.

“It was your lover boy, Slayer.”

“Riley?” Buffy asked in disbelief, her eyes glazing over. “Wh-why?”

“Apparently, I’m taking advantage of what’s his,” Spike replied before
coughing up even more blood.

Quickly rolling him, Buffy’s chin quivered at the amount of blood he was
losing. “I’m not his,” she whispered, more to herself than him.

“That’s not what he says,” Spike whispered, resting his head on his arm as
he closed his eyes.

“No! No, Spike, don’t close your eyes, you have to eat!”

“Too weak, luv. Got some bones that need mending.”

“You’ll get stronger, just drink.”

“I just need to rest,” he said, his voice getting weaker.

Sitting down on the stone surface, Buffy pulled him up into a sitting
position, forcing him to look at her. “You need blood, Spike.”

“Where the bloody hell is it?” he asked in a resigned voice.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy nervously licked her lips before moving forward
and tilting her head. Spike’s mouth dropped open when he realized what she
was doing as he tried to move away. “Can’t do it, Slayer…I won’t do it.”

“You have to.”

Unconsciously licking his lips as he eyed her neck, Spike painfully shook
his head. “I’ll hurt you…the chip.”

Watching as she moved closer to him, Spike had never been more nervous or
aroused as she pressed her chest to his. “Then don’t hurt me,” she
whispered, feeling the demon come forth as tingles of warning and
anticipation went through her body.

The bloodlust was raging in him as his tongue lightly swept over her neck.
He felt her heartbeat speed up in response and took a moment to run his
fingers through her hair, making sure she was relaxed. The demon was oddly
quiet during the tender display, not screaming at him to take what she was
offering.

Spike’s brow furrowed when he realized that he saw Buffy as his mate. The
realization almost propelled him away from her before he realized that she
was accepting him…all of him.

“Spike?” Buffy whispered, gasping when she felt his fangs plunge into her
neck, her eyes closing as he began taking deep pulls of her blood.

Feeling her heart beating rapidly, Spike pulled her closer to him,
forgetting the pain he was in as he bit down harder, moderately surprised
that the chip wasn’t firing. Letting his hand come up to the back of
Buffy’s head, he held her to him as he continued to drink the sweet liquid.

Buffy began to feel her strength draining out of her with each swallow of
blood. The feeling of déjà vu was almost too much for her as she arched her
back, pushing her body against his while she waited for the all too familiar
feeling of oblivion to surround her. She was beyond the point of asking him
to stop, and a larger part of her was enjoying having him connected so
intimately to her that she knew she wouldn’t ask even if she could.

Hearing her heartbeat dwindling, a warning seemed to pass through Spike,
recognizing that she could be in danger before reluctantly pulling away.
Letting the demon recede, he immediately panicked when he saw Buffy’s glazed
over eyes.

“Buffy?”

Trying to shake off the feeling of helplessness, Buffy felt herself lowered
onto the hard surface, vaguely making out Spike’s concerned eyes as he
looked at her.

“I’m sorry, luv. I didn’t mean to take so much.”

Taking a few deep breaths, Buffy allowed her eyes to focus and offered him a
weak smile.

Listening intently to her heart, Spike stared at her worriedly. “Are you
okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” she whispered. “I’ve had it worse than this.”

Spike continued to stare at her, periodically checking her breathing and
heart. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Hold me?” she whispered hopefully, smiling when a soft smile lit up his
face.

“I can do that.”

Buffy relaxed as he lay down next to her and pulled her against his strong
chest, marveling for a moment that he must already be feeling better.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, brushing a kiss along her forehead.

“Don’t be,” she said in a soft voice. “I’m not.”
 

Chapter 22 – Drained


Slowly opening her eyes, Buffy groaned at the pain in her body, immediately
closing her eyes once again. She felt like she’d been hit by a truck, and as
the memories returned to her, she was almost regretting not going to the
hospital. At least when she’d allowed Angel to feed from her, she’d woken
up with enough pain medication flowing through her to keep her numb to the
actual pain. Of course she’d been much closer to death at the time, and that was a
feeling she wasn’t looking to relive anytime soon.

“Buffy?”

Turning toward the soft-spoken voice, her eyes fluttered open, and Buffy had
to smile at the worried look on Spike’s face.

“How are you?” he asked nervously.

“I’ll be fine,” she murmured, her voice tinged with pain as she rolled
toward him, seeking comfort. She frowned when something felt different.
Looking around, Buffy realized that Spike must have moved her to the bed at
some point. The soft mattress and silky sheets caressed her body, doing
their part to soothe the aching in her sore muscles.

“You shouldn’t have done that, pet,” Spike whispered, tracing his fingertips
along her cheek.

Breathing a sigh of relief at the comforting feeling of being able to hear
him and feel him, Buffy snuggled closer to his body, tucking her head under
his chin and trembling when his hands traveled lower, slipping beneath her
shirt and stroking the skin he came in contact with. “I had to do it,” she
murmured. “It was my fault.”

“It wasn’t,” Spike insisted, pulling back to look at her. “Your ex boy
wonder is the only one to blame.”

“But if it wasn’t for me, he never would have shown up wanting revenge,” she
said softly, leaning back to study him for a moment. There was no swelling
in his face and some of the bruises had already faded. The cuts were
closing, making it look as if Spike had been in a fair fight and he was
simply healing from a few injuries. Her memory blocked out the way he
looked when she first showed up and the thought of what could have happened
if she hadn’t been there. Her Slayer’s blood was doing what it was supposed
to do, and that’s what she needed to focus on.

Seeing tears shimmering in her eyes, Spike tilted his head to look at her
with a worried expression. “What is it?” he asked in a whisper, causing her
eyes to travel to his again.

“What if I hadn’t been here?” she said in a choked voice. “What if I hadn’t
felt that something was wrong? The sun would have risen and you…”

“You felt something?”

Buffy nodded, sniffling slightly as he studied her. “I can’t explain it. I
just got this confusing feeling, and then I realized that you were in trouble
and I got here as fast as I could.”

Looking up at him to gauge his reaction, Buffy was surprised at the
confusion written all over his face.

“What are you thinking?” she asked, watching as he turned to look at her,
his brow furrowed.

“It’s not important,” he replied, shaking his head. “I was just trying to
figure out how we’re feeling each other.”

“And that’s not important?” she asked, a pout forming on her lips.

“It’s important, luv,” he whispered with a smile. “Just confusing.”

“Yeah,” she agreed in a soft voice, seeing Spike’s expression change once
again. “I’m not a mind reader, Spike. Tell me what’s going on in that head
of yours.”

“It’s just…if I didn’t know better, I’d say we were mated.”

Buffy stayed quiet, avoiding his gaze as she picked at the invisible lint on
the sheet. Spike studied her for a moment before drawing her attention back
to him. “I’m not a mind reader either,” he said with a playful smile that
Buffy didn’t return.

“If we were mated…that’s like a form of marriage?”

“Yes, luv, but we’re not.”

The disappointed look on her features didn’t go unnoticed by him, but he
chose not to say anything about it.

“Why don’t you talk to your Watcher and see if he can find out anything,” he
suggested, pulling her closer to him.

“Yeah,” she murmured, looking up at him with wide eyes that were more
expressive than he was used to seeing.

Slowly lowering his lips to hers, Spike gently kissed her, eliciting a moan
when he tried to pull away. Buffy eagerly sought out the comfort the kiss
was providing and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to
her as his tongue slipped past her lips to brush against hers.

Pulling away breathlessly after a moment, she saw Spike looking at her with
lust-filled eyes. The startling navy shade almost made her jump with the
intensity of his gaze. “I love you,” he whispered, pressing another kiss to
her lips before breaking away all too soon.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” she murmured, tracing her hand along
his cheekbone. “I mean…I know what you want me to say, but…”

“I’m not trying to pressure you. I just thought you might need to hear it
again.”

Buffy smiled, looking down shyly before meeting his gaze again. “I can’t
say it yet,” she whispered, noticing the brief flash of disappointment on
his face before he masked it carefully. “But I know that I can’t be
without you.”

A brilliant smile lit up Spike’s face, and Buffy realized that she rarely saw
a genuine smile from him.

“I like that,” she murmured, laying her head on his chest in exhaustion.

“What’s that, pet?” Spike asked, his lips brushing along the top of her
head, letting his hands trail up and down her arms in a soothing motion.

“When you smile,” she whispered, closing her eyes and yawning. “I don’t
think I’ve seen it since we were engaged.”

Spike chuckled, tightening his hold on her, unable to believe that she was
really lying in his arms of her own free will.

“Get some rest,” he said softly.

“I can’t,” she mumbled sleepily. “My mom is probably worried about me.”

“You need rest, Goldilocks,” he said, playing with the long strands of hair.
“Sleep for an hour and I’ll wake you up, alright?”

Not strong enough to argue, Buffy merely nodded, breathing a sigh of relief
as she held onto Spike. Her eyes briefly opened when she felt a low
rumbling run through her before smiling when she realized he was purring.
Closing her eyes again, Buffy soon drifted to sleep, comforted by the calm
vibration running through her.

* * * * *

“Mom?” Buffy called, walking into the house a few hours later.

“Buffy,” Joyce said with a sigh of relief, walking down the stairs. “I’ve
been worried sick. Is Spike okay?”

“I’m sorry,” Buffy apologized, giving her mother a hug. “Spike’s okay…now.”

“Now? What happened?” Joyce asked in concern as they walked into the living
room, sitting down on the couch.

“Riley,” Buffy said softly. “Riley beat him up and…I hate to think this,
but it looked like he left him for the sunrise.”

Joyce gasped, her eyes widening at the implications. “Buffy, are you sure?”

“I’m not sure of anything anymore,” Buffy said, her voice strained with
exhaustion as she broke eye contact to run her hands through her hair.
“What?” she asked, looking at her mother in confusion when she felt Joyce’s
eyes on her.

“Were you attacked?”

“No. Why do you…”

Her hand unconsciously drifted to her neck as she looked down at the floor.

“So you saw,” she said sheepishly, biting her bottom lip and raising her
eyes to her mother’s.

“Spike?”

“He had to have blood,” Buffy reasoned.

“And I’m assuming this took place in his crypt.”

“Yeah,” Buffy replied skeptically, her eyes narrowing slightly as she
wondered what Joyce had up her sleeve.

“And he doesn’t have blood in his refrigerator?” she asked, fighting the
smirk that was threatening to play on her lips.

“I take it you don’t mind that a vampire fed on your daughter,” Buffy said,
leaning against the cushions of the couch.

“I’m assuming it was…consensual.”

Buffy blushed at her mother’s choice of words. “I thought he was going to
die, Mom.”

“I can understand that,” Joyce said with a nod. “You obviously have some
feelings for him and you wanted to take care of him. It’s perfectly
understandable. But you are okay?” she asked, letting the concerned mother
out.

“I’m fine,” Buffy said, a soft smile on her lips. “A little weak, but Spike let me rest
at the crypt.”

“I might just have to get Spike a cell phone,” Joyce said with a smile.

Buffy laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. “Amazing. I ask for one for
years and then just because I lose my hearing, you’re willing to get a
vampire a phone.”

“Well, you can’t very well use it, and I’d like to know you’re safe. Spike’s
been around for over one hundred years, so I’m assuming that he would know
how to use one.”

Rolling her eyes at her mother, Buffy stood up. “I’m going to get some
rest. There’s a Scooby meeting tonight and I feel like I’m…well…quite
literally drained.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Joyce asked, studying her daughter’s face and
noticing that it was more pale than usual.

“I’ll be fine,” Buffy insisted. “Wake me up in a few hours?”

“Of course.”

* * * * *

Walking through the cemetery just after sunset, Buffy hesitantly knocked on
the crypt door and pushed it open. Spike stood up from his chair and seemed
more than a little surprised to see her there. “Something wrong, pet?” he
asked, hurrying over to her.

“No,” Buffy replied, shaking her head. “I just…well, there’s a Scooby
meeting tonight and I thought…never mind.”

“Buffy,” Spike said with a smile, grabbing her arm before she could leave.
“You want me to go?”

“I just…I would feel better if you went with me.”

Realizing a moment too late that she’d said the wrong thing, Buffy opened
her mouth to take back the statement as Spike’s eyes hardened.

“Don’t need you to protect me, Slayer,” he said in a low voice.

“I-I know,” she said, wishing she could rephrase but knowing that Spike
wouldn’t forget that easily. With a heavy sigh, Buffy realized that it was
probably just better to give up on it. “Never mind,” she murmured, pulling
her arm out of his grasp and turning for the door.

“Buffy.”

Hearing his voice, she closed her eyes, trying to ward off the feelings. It
was the only sound she could hear, so of course she responded to it.
Turning to face him before walking through the door, Buffy stared at him for
a moment. “What?” she finally asked in exasperation.

Not saying a word, Spike closed the distance between them before pulling
Buffy flush against him and crushing his lips to hers. Eagerly kissing him
back for a moment, she soon found herself getting lost in the sensations.

Reluctantly pulling away and feeling a profound sense of loss at the lack of
contact, Buffy offered him a tentative smile. “I better go,” she said,
breathing heavily from the simple exertion of the kiss.

Not letting her go, Spike looked into her eyes, studying her for a long
moment until Buffy began to fidget beneath his gaze.

“Can I go now?”

“Do you really want me to come with you?”

“I did,” she admitted. “But since you obviously don’t want to go, I’m going
to be late if I don’t-“

His lips once again found hers, and Buffy got lost in the feel of him. His
tongue gently brushed against hers as her hands made their way into his
hair. Pulling back once more, Buffy felt lightheaded, gasping for air.

“I missed you today,” he whispered, his breath so close to her that it was sending
chills racing through her body.

“I wasn’t gone very long,” she murmured, watching her hands reach up to play
along the strong muscles of his chest.

“Too long,” he replied, staring into her eyes for a moment before grabbing
his duster. “What are we waiting for, pet? We’re going to be late.”

Buffy blinked at the sudden, abrupt change of topic. “You’re going?” she
asked, tilting her head to study him.

“Well, yeah,” he said with a grin. “I need my girl to keep me safe, now
don’t I?”

The smug look on his face caused Buffy to narrow her eyes at him before
disappearing through the door.

“Wait up, Goldilocks,” he called, chasing after her. “You didn’t think I
would actually pass up spending time with you, did you?” he asked, smiling
when she turned to look at him.

“Well…when you put it that way, it’s hard to stay frustrated with you.”

“All part of my master plan,” Spike replied with a raised eyebrow.

Buffy rolled her eyes as they continued toward the Magic Box. Spike could
feel the tension rolling off of her in waves and longed to put an end to it.

“Look, pet…I know you’re worried about your mates finding out about…whatever
this is between us- I’ll keep it quiet.”

“That’s not what I was worried about,” she admitted softly.

“It’s not?”

Shaking her head, Buffy took a deep breath, her eyes nervously darting
around the area before coming to a decision. Taking a step closer to Spike
as they walked, Buffy avoided his eyes as she casually reached out for his
hand, intertwining their fingers together in a tender gesture.

Looking down at their joined hands, Spike felt his heart swell. He didn’t
think it was possible to love this woman more than he already did, but the
simple gesture of taking his hand was not lost on him. She wasn’t the
Slayer right now. She was simply a girl who was nervous around someone she
liked, and Spike wasn’t about to ridicule or tease her about the thoughtful
gesture.

Bringing her hand up to his lips, she visibly relaxed when he tenderly
kissed the back of it before continuing toward the shop. After a few
minutes, Buffy glanced at Spike out of the corner of her eye, smiling when
she saw him looking back at her.

“Have I ever told you thank you?” she asked, turning toward him.

“Can’t rightly recall, pet.”

“Well, if I haven’t…thank you.”

Applying a little bit of pressure to her hand in a gentle squeeze, Spike
gave her a soft smile. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Chapter 23 – Coming Clean


To Spike’s surprise, Buffy didn’t let go of his hand as they walked into the
Magic Box, earning a scathing glare from Xander.

“Are you two engaged?” Anya asked, looking back and forth between them.

“What?” Buffy asked, looking at Spike, who was chuckling.

“Well, the last time I saw the two of you holding hands, you were engaged.
Are you engaged again?”

“No,” Buffy replied, shaking her head.

“It’s a spell,” Xander cried, throwing his hands up in the air as if he’d
just discovered the cure to the common cold.

“It’s not a soddin’ spell,” Spike growled, already growing impatient with
the whelp.

“B-but it has to be,” he insisted.

Buffy didn’t have to look at Spike to know that he was getting frustrated.
She could see Willow and Tara exchanging confused looks and Giles cleaning
his glasses behind the counter.

“Are you…together?” the older man finally asked when Buffy’s gaze fell on
him.

Spike glanced at Buffy, not wanting to answer the question and risk getting
her mad at him. She looked up at him with a soft smile before nodding,
never taking her eyes away from Spike’s gaze. “Yes.”

Judging by Spike’s flinch, she knew that pandemonium must have erupted
through the store and reluctantly tore her eyes away from him. She could
see Xander gesturing wildly as Willow, Tara, and Anya appeared to be
alternating between asking questions and trying to calm him down. Shooting
a quick glance at Giles, she saw him with a slightly perplexed look, but he
remained silent.

Looking back at Xander, Buffy’s gaze hardened when she realized he was
demanding how she could do something like this to Riley. Reminding herself
that Xander was one of her oldest friends, Buffy took a deep breath.
Putting a hand on Spike’s chest when she realized that he was practically
coiled and waiting to strike, Buffy slowly turned toward Xander.

“Shut up,” she said in such a low voice it seemed to startle everyone in the
room. Just as she opened her mouth to defend her newfound relationship, she
heard Spike growl low in his throat. Turning to look at him, she suddenly
realized that Riley had walked through the door of the Magic Box.

Catching Spike’s arm a split second before he ran at the other man, Buffy
planted herself in front of the temperamental vampire, using all of her
strength to hold him in place. She could hear Spike yelling and judging
from his side of the conversation, and she knew that Riley must be causing just
as much noise, but all of her energy was focused on keeping him where he
was.

“Spike!” she finally yelled in exasperation.

Gritting his teeth together, cold blue eyes met Buffy’s and immediately
softened when he saw her worried expression. Tenderly running a hand along
her cheek, he tried to give her a gentle, albeit tight, smile.

“You can’t,” she whispered softly. “The chip.”

“It would be worth it,” he said with a growl, and Buffy knew that it was for
Riley’s benefit and not hers as he glanced over her shoulder at the other
man.

“I’m not risking you hurting yourself,” she said softly, planting both hands
on his chest as she backed away, making sure he stayed in place.

When Buffy was satisfied that Spike was going to stay in place, she slowly
turned to face her ex-boyfriend. Riley immediately began yelling and
gesturing toward the two of them, and Buffy knew that she wouldn’t be able to
hold Spike back a second time. Crossing the room in three quick strides,
she let her fist fly directly into Riley’s nose, feeling moderately better
when she saw the blood that began to pour from it.

She could sense the shock in the room without even needing to turn around. Adding a strong kick to his midsection and watching him double over in pain, Buffy glared at the man she thought she knew. “I can’t believe you’d show your face here,” she said through clenched teeth, keeping her eyes on the bleeding man.

“I can’t believe you’d bring that thing here,” Riley retaliated, causing
Buffy to take another menacing step forward.

Feeling a hand on her arm, Buffy swung around and tried to settle her nerves
when she saw it was Willow. “Buffy, what’s going on?” she asked, her
expressive eyes showing how worried she was about her best friend.

“Everyone’s curious?” Buffy asked, walking toward Spike and planting herself
in front of him, relaxing when she felt his hands rest lightly on her hips.
“Spike and I are together,” she said, holding up her hand when she saw that
Xander was about to yell again. “Before anyone says one single word, you
have no idea what I’ve been going through. Riley and I have broken up,” she
continued, shooting a glare in her ex’s direction. “He didn’t trust me, he
didn’t try and see what I was going through, and he tried to separate me
from the one person who does understand…in more ways than one.” Buffy
continued, even when she saw that Riley was trying to interrupt. “And I can
handle the idle threats or whatever you want to call them, but I am not
going to sit back and condone beating up the one person who has been helping
me and leaving him for dead!” she yelled.

She could practically feel the stunned silence that permeated the room
before looking at Giles.

“When was this?” he asked, looking at her in concern.

“When did he leave Spike to meet the sunrise? Last night.”

Everyone in the room exchanged looks before turning toward Spike.

“He doesn’t look that bad,” Anya spoke up, tilting her head in Spike’s
direction.

“No,” Riley agreed, looking Spike up and down and narrowing his eyes as
Buffy watched him. “He doesn’t look that bad at all.”

Looking over her shoulder at Spike, Buffy gave him a soft smile, leaning
more securely into his embrace. “That’s what Slayer’s blood does,” she
replied, keeping eye contact with him for another moment before turning to
face the stunned group.

“He fed off you?” Riley cried, advancing on the couple, only to be met with
another fist as it slammed into his eye.

“Don’t you come near him,” Buffy said in a menacing tone. “Or me, for that
matter. Yes,” she continued, addressing the rest of the room. “I willingly
fed him and I would do it again. If anyone has a problem with that- I
really don’t want to know.”

Her nerves were setting her on edge when she saw everyone begin talking
again.

“You know what?” she finally said with a resigned sigh. “You all are my
friends and I really want you to accept this, but if you can’t…well, you
haven’t missed me lately, so I don’t really expect you to notice if I only
come around for official Slayer business.”

Taking Spike’s hand in hers, she walked past Riley and through the door of
the shop without looking back. Spike stayed quiet as they walked down the
street before lightly tugging on her hand, signaling her to stop.

Buffy turned around and saw Willow and Tara running toward them.

“I’m so sorry, Buffy,” Willow cried, throwing herself into her best friend’s
arms. Buffy hugged her for a long moment before the redhead pulled back to
look at her. “I know I haven’t been there as much lately and I…we just
wanted you to know that we’re going to support whatever you decide,” she
finished with a small smile, directed toward Spike.

“I’m sure Giles and Anya agree,” Tara said timidly. “But they were trying
to calm down Xander and Riley.”

“I should have known Xander would hit the roof,” Buffy said, shaking her
head.

“Don’t worry about the whelp, pet,” Spike said, wrapping an arm around her
waist. “If he’s really your friend, he won’t want to let you go.”

“Are you happy?” Willow asked, tilting her head to look at her friend,
smiling when Buffy leaned her head against Spike’s chest as if it was the
most natural thing in the world.

“I am,” she said with a soft smile.

“Then I’m happy for you.”

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief as they said good-bye to the two girls
before turning to Spike.

“Want me to walk you home?” he asked with a soft smile.

“No,” Buffy said softly, shaking her head while a slow, seductive smile appeared on her lips. “I want to go back to your place.”

Chapter 24 – Living for the Moment


“M-my place?” Spike asked, suddenly nervous as he cleared his throat against
the stutter.

“You heard me,” she whispered, running her hand along his arm before taking
his hand in hers and leading him in the direction of the cemetery.

“Buffy-“

“Spike,” she murmured, turning around and leaving a gentle kiss on his lips.
“I know what I’m doing.”

* * * * *

“Are you sure about this?” Spike asked softly as he watched Buffy walk
backwards toward his bed, keeping eye contact with him the entire time.

“You seem nervous,” she said with a smile, letting her hands travel up to
the hem of her shirt and whipping it over her head in a single motion,
giggling when Spike’s eyes widened.

“I just…I don’t want you to look back on this and write it off as a weak
moment.”

Walking toward him as she slowly popped the button of her pants open, Spike
felt himself grow painfully hard when he watched the fabric slide down her
legs, leaving her in nothing but a white lace bra and panties.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he murmured in a hoarse voice as she approached.

“This isn’t a weak moment,” Buffy whispered, slipping her hands under his
shirt and pulling it over his head, enjoying the feel of his muscles beneath
her fingertips as she dropped the shirt to the floor and let her hands trail
along his chest. “This is about living for the moment.”

Spike felt himself trying to breathe when she took his hand and led him over
to the bed.

“I want this, Spike,” she said softly, her eyes never leaving his while she
slowly lowered the zipper of his jeans and unbuttoned them before pushing
them over his slender hips and letting them fall to the floor. “I want
you.”

Bringing his lips to hers in a tender kiss, Spike closed his eyes. This was
the way it should be. This was how it was supposed to be.

“I love you,” he whispered as his hands ran up and down her arms in a
soothing gesture.

“I know,” she said with a soft smile. “And that’s why I want to do this
now. Spike, I could die tomorrow and-“

“Stop,” he growled. “Just stop saying that. Nothing is going to happen to
you.”

“I’m the Slayer,” she murmured, looking into his eyes. “Eventually
something is going to happen to me and…you need to be ready for that.” She
paused for a moment as she studied his expression before continuing, “Or
maybe I shouldn’t make this worse,” she finished in a small voice, turning
around to grab her clothes.

Feeling Spike’s hand on her arm, she turned and breathed a sigh of relief
when he pulled her into his arms, claiming her lips in a passionate kiss.
Buffy moaned as he pushed her toward the bed, following closely behind and
covering her body with his, never letting his lips leave hers.

Buffy shifted beneath him, craving his touch as she parted her legs and
sighing when she felt Spike settle between her thighs, only a tiny scrap of fabric
separating them as they began to move together.

Her tongue stroked against his, eagerly taking what he had to offer before
pulling away breathlessly.

“What are you doing to me?” he rasped in a husky whisper, looking into her
clouded eyes.

Buffy couldn’t answer. She simply wrapped her hands behind his neck and
pulled him lower, crushing his lips to hers. His hands traveled along her
body, touching any skin he could come in contact with while his hips ground
against hers. Her hands ran along his back, feeling the tight muscles
shifting under her touch.

Spike’s lips broke away from hers, moving along her jaw and settling on her
neck, feeling her pulse speed up as he gently licked his previous bite mark.

“Spike,” she whispered, her voice filled with need as she angled her neck
toward his lips.

“I will, kitten,” he murmured, sending chills running through her. “If it’s
what you want, I’ll give it to you…but not yet.”

Moaning in disappointment, it was quickly replaced with a breathy gasp when
she felt his hands slip around her and unclasp her bra before removing it
and throwing it over his shoulder. Breathing heavily, Buffy’s eyes met his
when his fingers trailed along her breasts. He gave her a gentle smile as
he lowered his head, sucking and biting on one until Buffy was practically
writhing beneath him. Reaching around to the slope of her lower back, Spike
pulled her closer, grinding his erection against her and moaning when Buffy
eagerly rubbed herself against him in response.

Maneuvering his hands, his fingers slipped into her panties and pulled them
down her legs before slowly making his way back up her body. Buffy pulled
him to her for another kiss, reaching down to gently take his cock in her
hand, guiding him to her entrance.

Spike wanted their first time to be as gentle as possible, easing into her with care. He wanted to show her how much he loved her and worshipped her, but his body had different ideas. Pushing into her, he could already feel Buffy losing control, and that nearly sent him over the edge. Teasing her for a moment, Spike smiled when Buffy reached around and pulled him to her more forcefully, grinding her hips against his and crying out as waves of pleasure washed over her.

Speeding up his thrusts, Spike began pumping into her, knowing that she was getting frustrated. He could feel her hands grabbing at him, seeking her climax, but nothing could have prepared him for the feeling of her teeth sinking into his neck. Unable to control himself, his demon flashed to the surface, letting his fangs pierced her flesh, taking deep pulls on her blood as Buffy screamed out her orgasm.

Thrusting into her several more times, Spike tried to hold off a little
longer, but the quivering of her inner muscles around him was driving him
crazy with need. With every slow pull of her blood, another climax seemed
to crash into her and he knew he couldn’t hold off anymore. As his fangs
slipped out of her neck, Spike pulsed inside of her welcoming body.

“Mine,” he growled, looking at Buffy. Her hand came up to slowly travel
over the planes of his demon face before she gave him an exhausted nod.

“Yours.”

Collapsing on top of her, Spike’s demon slipped away as they both tried to
calm down.

“How did you do that?” Buffy murmured, breathing heavily.

“Do what, luv?”

“That was just…wow,” she breathed with a slight smile.

Spike chuckled, sending low vibrations through her neck.

“I’m yours?” she asked timidly.

Spike pulled back with a questioning look, wondering if she was regretting
it now that there were a few moments of clarity separating them from the
situation.

“Forever,” he said with uncertainty in his voice.

“I can live with that.”

Spike watched her drift off to sleep as he waited for the feeling to sweep
through him. He’d never claimed anyone, but he knew how it worked. There
was supposed to be a strong connection that was established that went beyond
anything in the human world. Knowing that Buffy reciprocated the claim, it
should have been fairly obvious that it took effect. He continued to wait
for several long moments, frowning when he didn’t feel anything.

Chapter 25 – Helplessly, Hopelessly…


Gently trailing a hand along the smooth expanse of her stomach, Spike smiled
as he watched her sleep. She was so innocent when she didn’t have any
worries. One hand folded under her cheek, the other resting on his arm as
if she was trying to subconsciously reassure herself that he was really
there.

Tenderly brushing a kiss along her forehead, Spike had to stop the onslaught
of emotions from pouring out of him. “I love you,” he breathed in a
whisper.

“Mmm, love you,” she murmured, her voice thick with sleep.

Spike’s eyes widened at her words.

“Buffy?” he asked a little louder, wanting to know if she was awake.

When there was no reply, he had to shake his head to clear it of her words.
“Just dreaming,” he muttered. “It didn’t mean anything.”

Even though he wanted to believe that to save himself from the potential
pain she could cause him, he knew that he’d already let her in. He’d
claimed her. The demon saw her as his mate. And even though he knew that
she could cause him pain, a stronger part of him was aware that she knew
what she was doing. She wasn’t just a girl- she was also the Slayer, and if
she didn’t want him to bite her, he never would have. Not just the fact
that she could have stopped him, but Spike knew that he never would have
bitten her. It was entirely consensual, and that gave it an even deeper
meaning.

“Spike?” Buffy whispered, slowly stretching her arms above her head and
giving him a glorious view of her taut body.

Opening her eyes to his hungry gaze and watching as he ran his tongue along
his bottom lip, Buffy had to giggle before pulling the sheet up to her chest
and rolling on her side.

“You look like you’re about to devour me.”

“Wrong choice of words, pet,” he replied with a teasing smile, brushing the
hair out of her face.

Buffy snuggled into his chest with a contented sigh. “What are we doing
tonight?” she asked, looking up at him and batting her eyelashes as Spike
chuckled.

“Oh, I’ve got plenty of plans,” he said with a raised eyebrow and lopsided
smirk.

“Not that,” Buffy said, smacking him on the chest, laughing at the wounded
look that seemed to cross over Spike’s face. “Okay, yes…that, too. But I
was kind of hoping we could do something else.”

“Like what?”

“Bronzing.”

“You have got to be kidding me,” Spike said with a laugh.

“Please,” Buffy begged, sitting up and leaning over his body to give him a
soft kiss. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

“How so?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Well,” she said, biting her lip as she looked at the ceiling, pretending to
debate the answer. “I could…wear my favorite leather pants.”

Spike nearly groaned at the thought of her body slick with sweat as she
swayed her hips to the beat of whatever song might be playing, the leather
clinging to her skin as she moved.

“What else you got?” he asked, grinning as her eyes widened before a
secretive smile played on her lips.

“I was thinking about my red halter with the draped neckline and the two
strings that tie around my neck.”

Involuntarily breathing, Spike’s pupils dilated as a stronger wave of desire
ran through him.

“Of course…if you don’t want to go…I can always find someone else to keep me
company,” she said with a shrug, throwing the sheet away from her body and
moving to get out of the bed when she heard a loud growl come from Spike,
seconds before she found herself pinned under a very aroused and jealous
vampire.

“You’re mine,” he said in a forceful whisper, narrowing his eyes when Buffy
giggled.

“Does that mean you’re coming with me?”

“Bloody right I am!”

* * * * *

True to her word, Buffy was dressed in skintight black leather pants and a
red halter, dancing with her friends under Spike’s watchful eye. She was
doing a great job keeping the beat, considering she couldn’t hear it, and
Spike was definitely enjoying the way her body was moving.

He prowled around the floor, much like he did the first night he’d seen her,
only this time it was to keep a protective watch over her and make sure none
of the pillocks dancing near her were getting any ideas.

“Do you love her?”

Turning at the sound of the familiar voice, Spike was moderately surprised
when he saw Xander standing behind him.

“I do,” he said with a slight nod.

“Then I guess I’ll learn to live with it.”

Spike’s eyes widened in shock. “The lady of the house tell you to say
that?” he asked with a smirk.

“Why would you say that?” Xander asked, avoiding his eyes.

Spike merely raised an eyebrow until the other man sighed in defeat.

“Anya threatened to withhold all sexual favors until I, and I quote, ‘stop
acting like a pain in the ass and grow up already’,” he said, shoving his
hands in his pockets and looking at the floor sheepishly.

Spike laughed before seeing the band taking a break and setting up the sound
system for some slower songs. With a nod to the other man, he quickly made
his way through the crowd of dancers, nodding at Willow and Tara as he
passed before wrapping his arms securely around Buffy’s waist.

Turning around in his embrace, Buffy smiled and brought her hands up to
clasp around his neck, moving with Spike’s body as the familiar slow song
filled the club.

“Sing to me,” Buffy whispered, snuggling into his chest.

“What?” Spike asked with a smile.

“You’re the only one I can hear…please sing to me.”

Pulling her closer, Spike listened to the opening notes before singing.

“I can stand with the weight of the world
On my shoulders
I can fight with the toughest of the tough
I can laugh in the face
Of all my insecurities
Anytime, anywhere, anything
I'm strong enough

But when you're holding me like this
I'm carelessly lost in your touch
I'm completely defenseless
Baby, it's almost too much
I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly
Falling in love

So let consequence do what it will to us
I don't care
Let the stars stand as witness to it all
Say the word and tonight I will follow you anywhere
I just can't pretend anymore
I'm too sturdy to fall

But when you're holding me like this
I'm carelessly lost in your touch
I'm completely defenseless
Baby, it's almost too much
I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly
Falling in love

I am not afraid
I am not afraid

'Cause when you're holding me like this
I'm carelessly lost in your touch
I'm completely defenseless
Baby, it's almost too much
I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly
Falling...
Helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly falling
I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly
Falling in love.”

Subtly trying to wipe the tears from her eyes as she pulled away, Buffy was
amazed at the force of emotions that Spike seemed to invoke in the words.

“You okay, luv?” he asked in concern.

“Yeah,” she whispered. “We, um…we better go…patrol.”

Spike felt a chill run through him. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea
tonight,” he said, feeling the uneasy feeling creep through him.

“Spike, I have to,” she said, trailing a hand over his cheek. “But if you’d
rather not go, I’ll understand.”

“No!” he said more forcefully than he intended, causing Buffy to jump. “I
mean…I’ll go.”

Placing his hand on the small of her back, Spike led her through the club
and out the exit door. He had a bad feeling about this.
 

Chapter 26 – …Reckless


Walking through the cemetery, Spike kept all of his senses on guard. Buffy
was practically giddy after having her first night of real fun out with her
friends since she lost her hearing. She was jumping around, still hyped up
from spending time with her friends in a non-slaying capacity. He couldn’t
help but be happy for her, but right now he was more concerned with the
uneasy feeling that he couldn’t seem to get rid of.

“We should really do this more often,” she said with a bright smile.
“Although, staying at your place does have its advantages,” she added with a
coy look that Spike didn’t even have time to enjoy as he scanned the
surrounding area.

“Luv, we’ve made a few passes. What do you say we call it a night?” he
asked hopefully, trying to keep his tone neutral.

“Well, you’re certainly Mr. Crabby,” she teased, poking him in the ribs.

“I mean it, Buffy.”

“Spike, it’s my job,” she said, turning toward him, her brow furrowed in
concern. “But if you’re ready to call it a night, I won’t hold it against
you.”

“No,” he said in a low voice, looking into her eyes.

“Spike-“

“Not leaving you alone, pet. Don’t even ask.”

“What’s with you tonight? You were fine at the Bronze, and ever since I said
I needed to patrol, you’ve been jumpy.”

“Haven’t been jumpy,” he protested. “It just doesn’t feel like a night
for patrolling, that’s all.”

“If there are vamps out, then that means it’s a night for patrolling…present
company excluded, of course.”

“Look, why don’t I drop you off and let you spend some time with your mum
and I’ll make a few more rounds?”

“I can’t let you do that,” she said with a smile, touched by the generous
offer.

“Why not?” he asked in frustration.

“And we’re back to- ‘it’s my job’.”

Turning toward her, Spike gently touched her cheek, trying to convey
everything he felt for her through his eyes. “You’re not just the Slayer,”
he whispered. “You’re also a girl who deserves to have a night to herself
and you should spend it with your family.”

“That’s sweet, but-“

“Buffy, just do this for me.”

“Spike…”

Her eyes widened for a brief second before she clutched at his arms, trying
to remain standing upright.

“Buffy?” he said, looking at her in confusion.

Gasping for air, she reached behind her back and flinched before holding up
a tranquilizer dart, her eyes widening.

Spike barely had a chance to react before they were attacked. Vamping out
when Buffy was practically ripped from his grasp by four men wearing all
black combat gear and ski masks, Spike snarled and immediately began
fighting the remaining five who were trying to keep him away.

Throwing punches and kicks as hard as he could, he ignored the pain
exploding in his brain, having only one thought running through his head-
get to Buffy.

“Spike!” she screamed, trying to get back to him, but the drugs were soon
taking effect and she felt herself tiring, easily overpowered by the other
men.

Seeing Spike fighting the remaining five, her eyes widened when she saw the
blood gushing from his nose, knowing that the chip must be going crazy.

“Buffy!”

Still semi-conscious, Buffy felt herself hoisted into the air, and her brain
could barely function enough to understand the only sound she could hear-
the sound of Spike’s voice.

“Spike,” she whispered weakly, seeing him fade into the distance before she
was unceremoniously thrown into the back of a van.

Fighting against the pain, Spike felt as if his head was going to explode.
Taking another hard hit, he slammed his fist into the closest person he
could come in contact with, putting every amount of force behind his fist
before he collapsed to his knees. Feeling the world slipping away, her
voice was still ringing in his ears.

“Buffy.”

* * * * *

“You didn’t tell us that she would have a vampire trying to defend her,” the
man said, dropping the Slayer in a heap on the floor. “It would have been
nice to have the heads-up before going into that.”

“You took care of him?” the other voice asked.

“We didn’t have any stakes, but something happened to make him grow weak.
We left him where he was. With any luck, he’ll be meeting the sunrise.”

“Good.”

* * * * *

“Giles!” Spike yelled, bursting through the door of the Watcher’s house. He
didn’t know how long he’d been out, but he knew that every second was
crucial. “Giles!”

Frantically running through the short hallway, Giles froze when he saw the
blood pouring out of the vampire’s nose, spilling down his shirt and onto
the floor.

“Spike, what happened?” he asked, handing him a towel.

“Buffy. Someone took Buffy,” he said, nearly collapsing against a stool as
he remembered the fear in her eyes, and the pain continued to overwhelm him-
both physical and emotional. “They took her,” he said in a low whisper,
letting his head fall into his hands. “They took her.”

“Who?” Giles asked, getting over his shock. “Who took her, Spike?”

“I don’t know! They were human. Wore masks, shot her with a tranquilizer
and loaded her into the back of a van.”

“Dear Lord,” Giles muttered. “And you fought them? You fought, even with
the chip?”

“I tried,” he whispered, feeling the despair setting in as the tears began
to fall down his cheeks. “But I couldn’t get to her…God, I couldn’t get to
her.”

“I’ll call everyone. We need to formulate a plan,” he said, the Watcher
side of him kicking in as he made his way for the phone before turning back
to face the distressed man. “We’ll get her back, Spike,” Giles said in a
soothing tone that only he seemed to have. “We will.”
 

A/N For those of you who don’t know, Joss chose ‘Lehane’ to be Faith’s last name for comic books and merchandising a few months ago. I thought it should be mentioned because I use the name in this chapter.

Chapter 28 – Never Again


“Rise and shine, Miss Summers.”

Wading through the fogginess and pain that seemed to be weighing her down,
Buffy managed to open her eyes. “Go to hell,” she rasped through gritted
teeth, glaring at Travers.

Refusing to be intimidated by the hypodermic needle he was holding, she
raised her eyes to the smug-looking man.

“Perhaps this dose will be a little more effective.”

“Why the hell are you telling me this?” Buffy asked, struggling to focus
through the burning sensation that was still flowing through her veins.

“I just assumed you would like to know that your time is being cut short
even more than planned,” he said with a maniacal smile.

“Or you’re just afraid that I’ve built up a tolerance to it,” she said,
looking at him through glazed eyes. “Why not just take my strength away and
have me fight a vampire? Oh wait…you already tried that. And why test the
Slayer, anyway?” she asked, feeling the need to take him down as many
notches as she could. “If she’s not smart or cunning enough to make it in
the field, she’ll die. If her powers are stripped away, she’ll die anyway.
Why willingly want to kill these girls? Maybe it’s because you’re a
sadistic son of a bitch. Maybe you’re just bored. Or maybe you just have
an inferiority complex when it comes to a bunch of teenage girls. No matter
how you look at it, you’re really in the wrong line of work.”

Angrily walking toward her, Travers jerked her arm toward him, as much as
the chains would allow. Knowing that this was her only chance and he was
counting on her being weakened by the previous dose of venom, Buffy summoned up
every amount of strength that she could.

Grabbing the chains, she hoisted herself into the air, ignoring the
agonizing explosion of burning pain that seemed to run through her as she
jerked her legs up to wrap around his arm, easily snapping the bone before
using the momentum of the chains to propel her around, her foot connecting a
sharp blow to his head.

Just as quickly as it came, the adrenaline flowed out of her body, leaving
her to sag against the chains. She could feel herself about to pass out
but was grateful when she saw that she had successfully incapacitated
Travers for the time being.

“Spike,” she whispered, seconds before passing out.

* * * * *

“Where the bloody hell is it?” Spike growled, following closely behind
Willow and Tara as they walked past several vacant houses.

“We don’t know, Spike,” Tara said gently.

“The spell only leads us here. She’s close, but there’s something keeping
us from finding the exact place. It must be a counter spell,” Willow added.

“Is she still in pain?” Giles asked, causing Spike to turn around and look
at him as the Watcher trailed behind with Xander, Anya, and Riley, who
insisted on coming.

“I…I don’t think she’s conscious.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because it’s dull…almost nonexistent.”

Riley was staying surprisingly quiet throughout the interaction.

“Tune into her,” Anya spoke up, looking around the old neighborhood.

“What do you think I’ve been doing?” Spike asked in exasperation, turning
around to look at her.

“I think you’re feeling what she’s feeling. I’m telling you to tune into
her.”

“What are you on about?”

“She can hear you, right?” Anya asked.

“Yeah…what of it?”

“How long has that been happening?”

“Since we started patrolling together,” Spike replied, his brow furrowed as
he tried to realize what the ex-demon was saying.

“And you haven’t figured it out?” she asked with a slight smile. “Men.
You’re all the same. You live over a hundred years and you’re still
clueless to figure out what’s been going on.”

“Enlighten me,” Spike muttered, looking from house to house, trying to focus
on Buffy.

“You placed an unconscious claim on her,” she said matter-of-factly, not
noticing that everyone was looking at her in shock. “It led to her being
able to hear you because mates need to have some form of strong
communication. To the best of my knowledge, the claim has never occurred
between a Slayer and vampire, and I’m assuming if she’s reciprocated, it’s
gotten even stronger.”

“What do you mean 'stronger'?” Spike asked, his mouth slightly open in shock.

“You felt strongly about her and she was able to hear you. If she feels the
same and it’s a two-way street, you should be able to pick up on what she’s
thinking if you concentrate hard enough.”

“Can she do the same?”

“Eventually,” Anya said. “I don’t know if a claim has ever been this
strong, but since you are both superhuman, it’s not surprising. I’m more
surprised that you haven’t figured it out before now.”

“I’ve been researching this for weeks and you lay it out in less than five
minutes,” Giles said in exasperation, his eyes wide as he looked at Anya.
“How do you know all this?”

“You live a thousand years, you pick up a lot. It’s not my fault no one
ever asked me what was going on.”

Spike was nearly numb with the revelations he’d been dealt. ‘The strong
aspect of the claim didn’t take effect, because I’d already claimed her-
that’s how she was able to hear me,’ he thought, finally letting everything
fall into place. ‘Buffy shared the claim, and we were more firmly bonded,
but that’s why I didn’t feel anything go through me the night we made love.’

As Spike was about to put the theory to the test, he suddenly caught a
familiar scent, drifting toward him. Breaking into a run and leaving the
rest of the group behind, he ran toward an old abandoned Victorian mansion
at the end of the street.

Saying a silent prayer to whomever might be listening that the house was as
vacant as it looked, Spike kicked in the door and hesitantly stepped
through, breathing a sigh of relief when he passed through the doorway with
no interference. He could hear the group running to catch up with him, but
he was already heading toward the kitchen, following Buffy’s scent. Seeing
a door to his left, he practically ripped it off its hinges in his haste to
fly down the stairs.

Pausing for a moment at the foot of the stairs, Spike felt the bile rise in
his throat when he saw Buffy’s limp form hanging from the chains secured in
the stone walls. Seeing a man at her feet with a syringe in his hand, he
had never felt the urge to kill more than in that moment.

‘She’s not dead,’ he thought, trying to reassure himself as he ran over to
her. ‘I would have felt it…she’s not dead.’

Kicking the man away, Spike scooped up her body, growling at the rattling of
the chains before listening for her heartbeat. After a tense few seconds,
he finally picked up on the weak thumping inside her chest. Fighting the
demon for dominance, Spike was able to keep his human mask in place as the
demon howled to come to the surface and check on its mate.

“Buffy,” Spike whispered, praying for an answer.

“Spike?”

Turning at the sound of Giles’ voice, Spike merely gestured to the man on
the floor and then at the chains bolted into the wall.

Giles quickly made his way over to the man as the rest of the group clamored
down the stairs, each coming to an abrupt stop when they saw the scene
before them.

“Dear Lord.”

Everyone turned toward Giles, who was staring in shock at Travers.

“I should have known,” he mumbled before searching for the key to the
manacles. Finding it in his coat pocket, Giles jumped up and quickly
unlocked the shackles from around her wrists, seeing the small trails of
blood from where it bit into her skin, presumably from attempts she’d made
to free herself.

This time, when the group approached, Spike did let out a warning growl,
letting the demon flash to the surface as he held Buffy close.

Satisfied when they stayed back, he let the demon fall away as he checked on the woman in his arms.

“Buffy?” he whispered. “Buffy, luv, open your eyes.”

“Spike?” she murmured, her voice laced with pain as she tried to open her
eyes.

“I’m here,” he said softly, watching her face contort in agony.

“Where were you?” she asked deliriously, not knowing if it was really him
that she was looking at. “I thought you’d come for me.”

“I’m here now,” he whispered tearfully, holding her close.

“Don’t let him hurt me anymore,” she said in a barely coherent whisper as
she weakly clutched at his jacket.

“Never again,” Spike said in a choked voice. “No one will hurt you again.”

Chapter 29 - Revelations


Running a hand over her hair, Spike stared at Buffy as she rested peacefully
on her couch. Joyce sat on the arm, keeping a close eye on her daughter and
watching the blonde as he tenderly kept constant contact with Buffy.

Almost immediately after he’d carried her out of the house, she had passed
out from the pain. Spike felt helpless to do anything for her. All he
wanted to do was curl up next to her and make everything okay, but he knew
that wasn’t possible.

Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya were dispersed around the room, quietly
observing Spike as he looked after Buffy. A police officer stood in the
corner, waiting for the young woman to wake up so he could take a
statement.

Riley and Giles were at the police station, making sure that Travers was
going to be properly punished for kidnapping and attempted murder. When he
had regained consciousness, he had made numerous threats and promises, but
they did nothing to intimidate Giles, who was more than happy to make a few
threats of his own.

Feeling Buffy’s hand move beneath his, Spike pulled back and watched as she
struggled to open her eyes.

“You’re safe, luv,” he whispered when she looked around the room in
confusion.

Feeling his soothing touch on her hand, she pulled away from his grasp,
immediately sorry for her hasty reaction when she saw the hurt look on his features.

“Are you okay, honey?” Joyce asked, touching Buffy’s shoulder.

“I guess,” she admitted, letting her head fall into her hands and not seeing
the looks that were being exchanged throughout the room.

“Miss Summers,” the officer said, alerting her to the presence of the
outsider. “I’m Officer Reynolds with the Sunnydale PD. I’m here to ask you
a few questions.”

“About what?” Buffy asked skeptically, her brow furrowed as she looked
around the room at the faces of her friends.

“The kidnapping,” Spike said, looking at her with a mixture of concern
and sadness.

“Right,” she murmured, turning her attention to the officer. “What do you
need to know?”

After answering the routine questions and watching Joyce escort the
policeman outside, Buffy was suddenly bombarded with what felt like a
hundred questions. After not being able to hear for so long, this was overwhelming.

“Guys!” she interrupted in exasperation, glancing at the door as Joyce
walked in with Giles and Riley. “I’m okay.”

“But you were tortured,” Anya ever-so-bluntly said.

“I just need some rest,” she said softly, standing up and frowning slightly
when Spike stood up with her.

“Can you hear?” he asked, tilting his head to look at her.

“I can,” she whispered, looking at Giles as she spoke. “Travers injected me
with something…h-he said that the demon injected me with a venom that was
supposed to kill me and had a strange reaction since I was the Slayer.”

“I already got the full story from him, Buffy.”

“You did?” she asked in confusion.

“That and a great deal of screams before we turned him in to the
authorities.”

Feeling a mild amount of satisfaction, Buffy nodded. “He gave me something
that counteracted the effects, although it was meant to incapacitate me while
he got close enough to kill me…I need to get some rest,” she mumbled, glancing
toward the window and seeing the sun shining around the edges of the heavy
curtains.

Painfully walking toward the stairs, Buffy was already halfway up when she
realized she was being followed. Stopping on the second floor, she bit her
bottom lip, not bothering to turn around.

“I want to be alone, Spike,” she whispered.

“Don’t always get the things we want,” he retaliated, taking her arm and
leading her to her bedroom.

“Spike, please,” she said with a sigh.

Shutting the door behind them, he crossed his arms over his muscular chest
and leaned against the wall. “What now?” he asked, an angry expression
on his face.

“W-what do you mean?” she asked nervously.

“You have your hearing back, so you’re just going to start shutting me out
whenever you feel like it?”

Looking up into his eyes, Buffy felt remorse fill her before turning and
walking toward the bed. “What do you want from me?” she asked tearfully as
she turned to face him again.

Pushing away from the wall, Spike crossed the room until he was standing in
front of her. “You,” he said with so much emotion, she felt her tears spill
over.

“There’s just so much that’s happened,” she said softly, looking at the
floor so she wouldn’t have to be confronted by his piercing eyes.

“Then talk to me,” he whispered. “What’s happening, Buffy?”

“There was a prophecy,” she said after a moment, glancing up at him. “It mentions a Slayer and
a vampire having a baby.”

Noticing how Spike’s eyes lit up, Buffy backed away.

“What’s the problem?”

“Spike, I’m nineteen years old. I’m not ready to be a mother, and by the
time I am ready, I’ll probably die before I see a baby take its first
steps.”

“Buffy-“

“And don’t say I won’t. I’m human, Spike,” she whispered. “That’s the way
the world works. I’m not meant to last long. My body isn’t designed to
hold up until I die of old age. It’s not like it would be a good thing to
have a seventy year old Slayer walking around.”

Choosing to ignore her diatribe on her own life, Spike took a deep breath.
“You’re worried about getting pregnant with my child? Well, I’ve gotta
admit, that’s one I haven’t heard,” he said with a smirk. “Aren’t there
things to counteract something like that?”

“Spike, it’s a prophecy. It’s not like I can just whip out a condom and
expect it to take care of everything. This thing is practically written in
blood, and if it’s about me…”

“If it’s about you, it’s going to happen, Goldilocks,” he murmured
soothingly. “Don’t shut me out…because I’m bloody well not going to let
you.”

Sniffling slightly, Buffy pulled him to her for a desperate kiss,
practically battling with him as she slid the duster from his shoulders.

“Luv?” he said in a questioning voice, pulling away from her to see the need
in her gaze.

“You’re right,” she said, taking a step back and sliding the leather pants
down her legs before wrapping her arms around him.

“We don’t have to do this,” he whispered, barely even listening to what he
was saying as he leaned forward to kiss her.

“I need to forget about everything, Spike,” she said when she pulled back to
look at him. “Make me forget.”

Not bothering to wait for a second request, Spike lifted her into his arms
and simultaneously freed himself from his increasingly restrictive pants.

“Please,” she murmured, seconds before he thrust into her, pushing her
against the wall for leverage and eagerly crushing his lips to hers.

Pumping into her with such force, he was starting to worry about her safety,
Buffy’s lips broke away from his as she gasped for more, needing everything
he was offering.

She could already feel herself spiraling out of control and he’d barely been
inside her for a minute.

“I need more,” she moaned, digging her nails into his shoulders as he
grinded his hips against hers.

Never hearing the knock on the door as her body seemed to shatter, Buffy
sunk her teeth into his shoulder to muffle her scream, vaguely realizing
when Spike’s blunt teeth covered his previous mark and sent her into a
second orgasm as he pulsed inside of her.

“Buffy.”

“Spike!”

“Hope I’m not interrupting,” a cold voice announced from the doorway.

Turning to look over his shoulder, Spike rolled his eyes. “Bloody hell,” he
muttered. “For your information you are, now get out.”

Feeling Buffy squirming in his arms to be let down upon seeing Riley, Spike suddenly felt an uneasy feeling wash over him.

“Buffy?” Spike asked, tilting his head to look at her in concern.

“I need to get dressed,” she whispered, giving him a soft smile and
squeezing his hand in reassurance.

Letting her down and zipping up his pants, Spike turned toward the door.
“Can’t you knock?” he asked angrily.

“I did,” Riley replied. “I was worried about her.”

“I’m fine, Riley,” Buffy said from behind the door of her wardrobe, slipping
on a pair of comfortable pants and exchanging the halter for a tank top.

“Can we talk?” Riley asked.

Buffy held up a hand as Spike began to respond. “I’ll be downstairs in a
minute,” she said, looking at her ex-boyfriend and already feeling Spike’s
eyes boring into her.

“So that’s it?” Spike asked, defensively crossing his arms over his chest when the door closed.

“What are you talking about?” Buffy asked, her brow furrowed in confusion.
“What? Do you think I’m just going to leave you now and go back to Riley?”

“Aren’t you?”

“You really have to work on your issues, Spike,” she said, anger making its
way into her voice. “If that was the case, you would be downstairs and he
would be up here with me.”

Walking toward the door, she felt her arm grabbed in a firm grip. Taking a
deep breath, Buffy turned and met the deep blue eyes of her lover.

“I love you,” he whispered. “I’m terrified of losing you.”

Stepping toward him, Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him to
her for a warm hug. “I know,” she said softly. “But you’re not going to
lose me to another guy…I need to go talk to Riley now.”

“Hypocrite,” he muttered, trying not to smile.

“Jackass,” she said with her own smile.

“Spoiled brat.”

“Billy Idol wannabe.”

“Slayer.”

“Vampire.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

Chapter 30 – Finding Answers


Walking into the kitchen, Buffy crossed her arms over her chest, giving a
slight nod to the man standing in front of her.

“Riley,” she said softly. “You wanted to talk?”

“I’m leaving,” he said bluntly, hoping for some kind of reaction from the
woman he still loved.

“Because of me?”

“It’s a big factor.”

Buffy nodded, looking down at the counter that separated them. “I’m sorry
to hear that.”

“Are you?”

Raising her eyes to his, Buffy sighed. “You need to do what makes you
happy, Riley. We’re not together anymore and you shouldn’t put your life on
hold waiting for me to come back because…it’s just not going to happen.”

Both stayed quiet for a long minute before Buffy spoke again.

“Where are you going?”

“The military wants me back. I’m leaving tonight.”

Taking a deep breath and wanting to be a bigger person, Buffy nodded as she
walked around the island and gave Riley a hug. “Take care of yourself.”

“You, too,” he whispered, holding her close.

Pulling away at the sound of a throat clearing, Buffy turned around to see
Spike leaning against the doorframe, one eyebrow raised.

“Bye, Buffy,” Riley said, giving her a soft smile before turning and walking
toward the blonde vampire. “I don’t like you,” he said in a low voice.
“But I’m trusting that you’ll take care of her.”

Narrowing his eyes slightly, Spike studied the other man for a long moment
before nodding. “Till the end of the world.”

Riley nodded before walking out of the room.

“Should I be worried?” Spike asked, studying her.

“What do you think?” Buffy replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What did he want?”

Looking down for a moment, she tried to ignore the nagging feeling that yet
another man had dropped out of her life. Feeling comforted when Spike came
to stand in front of her, Buffy closed the distance between them and wrapped
her arms around his waist.

“What’s wrong, pet?” Spike whispered, kissing the top of her head.

“Promise me you’ll never leave me,” she murmured, her voice muffled against
his chest.

“I promise,” he said softly, pulling back to look at her. “What brought
this…he’s leaving?”

“Yeah.”

“And how do you feel about that?” he asked skeptically.

“Scared,” she admitted. Seeing the pain that flashed across Spike’s face,
Buffy quickly shook her head. “I just push everyone away from me and I’m so
scared that I’m going to do the same to you.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, Spike pulled her closer to him, leaving a soft
kiss on her lips. “I’m here,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against
hers. “I’m not like the others.”

“I know,” Buffy said with a nod, opening her mouth to say more when she saw
a movement over his shoulder.

“Buffy,” Giles said from the doorway. “I wonder if I could have a moment?”

Taking a deep breath, she nodded. “Let me guess,” she said, sitting down on
one of the barstools. “Travers told you about the prophecy.”

Hesitantly glancing between the two blondes, Giles leaned against the
island, studying their interaction for a moment. Seeing the protectiveness
that Spike was showing his surrogate daughter as he gently touched the small
of her back and offered his silent support, he felt slightly better at the
idea of his Slayer becoming involved with another vampire.

“He did,” Giles replied, cleaning his glasses. “Is there a possibility that
it could be true?” he asked, never looking up.

Shooting a nervous look at Spike, Buffy was able to moderately relax when he
took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“It…could be.”

“I thought as much,” Giles muttered with a sigh as he put his glasses back
on.

“But I don’t think it’s about me.” Suddenly aware that she had the
undivided attention of both men in the room, Buffy seemed to shrink under
their gaze.

“Why do you say that?” Giles asked, seeing the disappointment that flashed
across Spike’s face.

“It’s just…the prophecy didn’t mention me by name. Travers said he was
going after Faith, too, so he didn’t even know who it was about. Was it
just an excuse? Was he just looking for a reason to kill me?”

“I really don’t know. I’ll call Wesley and see if he can find anything
through his books. You should get some rest. If you need me, I’ll be at
the Magic Box.”

Buffy nodded, biting her lip when Giles left the room. “You’re awfully
quiet,” she whispered, not bothering to turn around.

“Sorry, pet,” he mumbled.

“You want it to be about us, don’t you?” she asked, turning around to face
him.

“To experience something so wonderful that I never thought I could have?” he
asked, gently caressing her cheek. “I already have that with you.”

* * * * *

Opening the front door several hours later, Buffy frowned when she saw Giles
standing on the porch, a distraught look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Buffy asked.

“I wasn’t able to locate much about the prophecy,” he said, walking into the
house and letting Buffy close the door behind him.

“What about Wesley?”

“I tried to call the hotel and I was repeatedly connected to an automated
service. Apparently they no longer have a phone.”

“Why would a detective agency cancel their phone service?” Buffy asked,
feeling Spike walk up behind her.

“I’m not sure. Surely Angel would have contacted one of us if he was
changing locations again.”

“Do you think something happened?” she asked with a nervous tremor in her
voice that didn’t go unnoticed by Spike.

“I’m really not sure.”

“So I guess that means I’m going to L.A.”

“I think that might be for the best,” Giles said, watching Spike turn around
and walk out of the room. “And I think it might be wise to stop by Stockton
first.”

“What’s in…Faith,” Buffy said with a sigh and a nod of understanding.

“Travers wasn’t working alone,” he pointed out.

“Alright. I’ll get any information I can from her and give her the head’s
up.”

“And I don’t think it would be wise to go by yourself.”

* * * * *

Walking outside, Buffy smiled when she saw Spike leaning against the
railing, smoking a cigarette.

“Hey,” she said softly, biting her lip when he didn’t respond. “Would I be
a complete idiot if I asked you what was bothering you?”

“You’re going to L.A.?” he asked, closing his eyes when Buffy stepped behind
him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“I am,” she murmured. “The sooner, the better.”

Spike stayed quiet as Buffy began kissing his leather-covered back.

“Are you going to stay out here and pout all night?” she asked, smiling
softly when Spike turned around to face her, an angry expression on his
handsome face. “Or are you going to get your ass in gear and start
packing?”

Confusion immediately marred his features before his eyes widened. “You
want me to come with you?”

“Well…yeah,” Buffy replied, turning toward the house. “Unless you don’t
want to, in which case I really need to-“

Buffy squealed when Spike’s arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her to
him for a passionate kiss. Eagerly clutching at his duster, she practically
melted in his embrace. All too soon, Spike was pulling away, pressing his
forehead against hers. “Try to stop me.”

Chapter 31 – One of Darkness, One of Light


Going through all of the security checkpoints seemed like a piece of cake
now that Buffy was actually sitting in the small visitor booth, staring
through the glass and waiting for Faith to appear. Her nerves were setting
her on edge and she definitely didn’t want a repeat performance of their
last encounter.

Seeing the brunette led in by a guard, Buffy felt the insane urge to stand.
She didn’t know if it was a defensive maneuver or because she felt
marginally responsible for the other Slayer ending up here, but whatever it
was, she kept her seat.

Sitting down across from her, Faith slowly picked up the phone, keeping eye
contact the entire time.

“They told me my sister was here. I figured since I didn’t have a sister, I
might as well see who cared enough to lie so they could see me. Is that
you, B?”

“You look good, Faith,” Buffy replied, ignoring the other comment. The dark
make-up and harsh hairstyle were gone, leaving her with a healthy glow, and
Buffy was surprised that she felt relieved to see it.

“You, too,” Faith said, leaning back in her chair. “But I have a feeling
this isn’t a social visit.”

“Not really,” she said with a soft smile.

“I find it really hard to believe that you need my help with anything, and
you definitely don’t need my advice, so what brings you here?”

“Several things actually,” Buffy admitted. “This might sound a little
strange, but have you…seen Angel lately?”

“Not in a few months. He stopped by, said that he sang Manilow for a bunch
of people-”

“Excuse me?” Buffy interrupted with a smile as Faith laughed.

“Yeah, I wanted more information, too, but he said he didn’t want to dwell
on it.”

Sharing a smile, Buffy took a deep breath. “So how’ve you been? Really?”

“Not too bad,” Faith replied with a shrug. “Three squares a day, roof over
my head, it could be worse. What about you?”

“Lost my hearing.”

“And since you’re sitting here with a phone to your ear, I’m guessing it
wasn’t permanent?”

“It was meant to be fatal,” Buffy replied. “Quentin Travers got it in his
head to wipe out the two existing Slayers and restart the line.”

Glancing around for a moment, Faith licked her lips before speaking. “Did
you take care of him?”

“Giles did. Called in a few favors to make sure he would stay behind bars
for good…but he kidnapped me and he had several helpers accomplish that
task, so they might still be working for him.”

“Meaning I should watch my back,” Faith said with a nod.

“Basically.”

“And why else are you here?”

Buffy leaned forward, taking a deep breath before speaking. “Another reason
Travers decided to kidnap me is because there’s a prophecy.”

“Isn’t there always?” Faith asked with a smile. “What’s it say?

“A Slayer and a vampire are supposed to have a baby who will-“

“Save the world or destroy it? The whole darkness versus light thing?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said quietly.

“And you’re asking me about this? You’re the one who’s gotten bouncy with
the undead, B, not me.”

“Well, I thought it was worth a shot. The last time I saw you, you and
Angel looked a little…close.”

“Not that close,” Faith replied, shaking her head. “I guess this one’s all
you.”

“It doesn’t mention anyone by name. At least, that’s what I think, since
Travers was coming after both of us, but we haven’t found out a lot about
the prophecy.”

“It’s not me…I’m a little too dark,” Faith said softly. “If the prophecy
was about me, it definitely wouldn’t be good. Any child I might have had
would definitely bring about the destruction of the world.”

“You’re being a little hard on yourself, don’t you think?”

“Come on, B,” she said with a smile, hiding her true feelings. “One of
darkness and one of light coming together to make a child that could go
either way? You and I both know that it’s gotta be about you. And why are
you asking if I’ve seen Angel? Wouldn’t you know where he was, considering
the prophecy requires ‘a vampire and a Slayer’?”

Buffy cleared her throat. “If it is about me…it wouldn’t be about me and
Angel.”

Raising an eyebrow, Faith laughed softly. “And who would be next on the
list?”

“I don’t think you know him. His name’s Spike.”

“Spike?” she repeated, whistling softly. “Damn, you just know all the hot
vamps, don’t you?”

“You know Spike?” Buffy asked, suddenly apprehensive.

“The, um, the body swap.”

“He didn’t mention it,” she said, almost to herself.

“Don’t worry. I just messed with him a little bit. I swear nothing
happened,” Faith said, a nervous look crossing her face.

“It’s okay,” Buffy said with a smile, seeing the guard checking the clock.
“We just haven’t been able to get a hold of Wesley, so we’re on our way to
L.A. and see what’s up.”

“I wish I could help, but I haven’t heard anything.”

“It’s okay,” Buffy replied, watching the guard as he started walking toward
them. “I think our time’s about up. Take care of yourself.”

“You, too,” Faith said. “And, B?”

“Yeah?”

“If you see Angel…could you ask him to stop by? It gets kind of lonely in
here,” she said with a hopeful look.

“I will,” she said with a gentle smile. “You really do look good, Faith.
You did the right thing.”

“Yeah,” Faith said with a sigh, looking at the glass that separated them.
“Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way.”

“You did,” Buffy reaffirmed with a nod. “I’m proud of you.”

“I’m glad one of us is.”

“Look, if you ever need anything…”

“I know where to find you.”

“Faith,” Buffy said before the brunette put down the phone. Waiting until
she looked up before she continued, “About the sister thing? I do care
enough to lie for you.”

Seeing the smile on the other Slayer’s face, Buffy eagerly returned it.

“Thanks,” Faith whispered.

Chapter 32 – No Holds Barred


Unpacking her bags and hanging up her clothes in the tiny hotel closet, Buffy had to laugh when she watched Spike hurl his overnight bag into the other closet and shut the door. After the short stay in Stockton, where Spike had stayed in the hotel during the more flammable hour that Buffy went to visit Faith, they had finally made it to Los Angeles.

“Did you even put any clothes in that thing or did you just bring it for
show?” she asked between giggles.

“Hey! I put clothes in there. Just don’t see the point of hanging them
up like some nancyboy.”

Deciding not to comment, she simply smiled as she shook her head and
finished hanging up one of her shirts.

“Spike,” she said with a smile, drawing out his name and refusing to make eye contact with him.

“Yeah, pet?”

“Umm…last year…do you remember me saying anything strange?” Buffy asked, hanging up some more clothes and taking a shot in the dark that her hunch was right.

“Strange?”

“Coming on to you or something?” she clarified, turning to face him with a secretive smile.

“You mean in the Bronze?” he asked.

Buffy’s eyes darted around the room in uncertainty before nodding, not wanting to show her hand just yet.

“Uh…yeah.”

Stalking toward her like a predator, Spike gave her a seductive smile as he approached. “Saying that you could ride me at a gallop 'til my knees buckle, squeeze me 'til I pop like warm champagne. That's not the kind of thing a man forgets.”

Buffy’s eyes widened in brief surprise before a giggle escaped her lips.

“And what’s so funny, pet?” he asked, raising an eyebrow in her direction.

“It wasn’t me,” she said between giggles, gasping for air and clutching her stomach.

“What?”

“I never told you…I never thought I…she would run into you,” Buffy said, collapsing on the bed as she caught her breath. “It was Faith. There was a body swap- magically. She decided to take my body for a spin and I never…”

Buffy trailed off as she began laughing again.

“You’re telling me, that the source of all my fantasies for the past year, wasn’t even you?”

Buffy immediately sobered up, narrowing her eyes on the man in front of her. “Excuse me?”

“Hey now, pet. No getting jealous- I thought she was you.”

The flustered look on Spike’s face, sent Buffy into another bout of giggles as she stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him to her for a gentle kiss. “Sorry,” she said with a soft smile. “But that was too much fun.”

Glaring at her for a moment, Spike finally smiled as he turned away and reached for his cigarettes as Buffy walked over to her bags.

“When are we leaving?”

Buffy froze, her back still turned to him as her hand reflexively reached
for the doorframe. “Leaving?”

“For Captain Forehead’s glorious hotel,” he replied, sarcasm practically
dripping from his voice.

Taking a deep breath as she turned around, Buffy met his level gaze with her
own. “You’re not going, Spike.”

Seeing his expression darken, she felt a tremor of fear go through her.

“And why, pray tell, am I not going?” he asked, walking toward her with
deliberately slow paces.

“I-I just need some time to explain things to him.”

“Uh huh,” he replied, his eyes narrowing.

“Spike, the last time you saw each other, you were torturing him,” she
continued in exasperation.

“I was not.”

“Fine, you were having him tortured. I don’t think he’s going to be in a
real forgiving mood if I walk into his place on your arm.”

“Are you sure you don’t just want to walk into his place alone?” he asked
angrily before looking away from her. “Why did I bother to tag along on this bloody trip?”

“I thought we could use the time alone,” Buffy replied honestly.

“Yeah,” he said with a sharp edge to his voice. “Just a bit of cold comfort, is that it? Is this before or after you’ve made up with your ex.”

“For God’s sake, Spike! You really have to get over this jealous
insecurity!”

“Maybe you’re right,” he said, grabbing his duster and walking through the
small living room suite toward the door.

“Where are you going?” Buffy asked, following close behind him and slamming
her hand against the door to keep him from opening it.

“What difference does it make? You’re going to be leaving to run back into
your lover boy’s waiting arms. Why does it matter where I go for the night?”

“Do you really think so little of me, of us, to think that I would do
something like that?”

“Honestly? I don’t know what to think.”

“Do you at least understand where I’m coming from?” she asked, the hurt
plainly visible in her eyes.

“Understand perfectly, Slayer,” Spike growled.

“Fine,” she whispered, trying to stop her chin from quivering as she took a
step back and removed her hand from the door. “If you’re going to be so
damn insecure every time something or someone from my past comes up, then go
do whatever the hell you want.”

Clenching his jaw, Spike tore his gaze away from her watery eyes and
wrenched the door open. With one last glance back at Buffy, he walked out
of the room, trying to suppress the intense jealousy he was feeling at the
fact that the woman he loved didn’t want his support.

* * * * *

Walking into the seemingly abandoned hotel two hours later, Buffy was still
trying to control her raging emotions. She was constantly distracted,
wondering where Spike was and what he was doing. She knew that the odds
were that he was sitting in a bar somewhere, drinking his sorrows away, but
it still didn’t ease her fears.

“Angel?” Buffy called, trying to get her mind off her problems. “Cordy?”

“What do you want?”

Spinning around at the sound of the familiar and somehow threatening voice,
Buffy took in the change in demeanor of a man she thought she knew.

“Angel?”

“What do you want?” he repeated, leaning against a wall, wearing nothing but
a pair of pants and seemingly unconcerned about his lack of clothing.

“Nice to see you, too,” Buffy said, crossing her arms over her chest,
feeling more than a little unnerved when he didn’t say anything. “What’s
wrong?”

“I’ve already asked you a question. Twice.”

“Giles tried calling. No one answered. Where is everybody?”

“I fired them,” Angel replied, pushing away from the wall and walking toward
her. Buffy was suddenly aware that the two of them were alone, and this
vampire was definitely not chipped.

“And why would you do that?” Buffy asked, resisting the urge to back away.

“Differences of opinion. You’re looking good, Buffy.”

The fact that he called her by her given name was a little calming, but the
way he said it was sending chills running through her, and not the good
kind.

“What the hell happened to you?” she asked, staring into his cold eyes.

“I grew up.”

“You’re nearing two hundred and fifty years old. I think it’s a little late
to grow up. Where are Cordy and Wes?”

“I really don’t care.”

Feeling her heartbeat speed up as he approached, Buffy subtly moved into a
more defensive stance. Something that did not go unnoticed by Angel, who
immediately grabbed her and shoved her against the nearby counter.

Setting her jaw, Buffy couldn’t believe this was the same man she’d let
herself fall in love with just a few years before.

“Angelus?”

“Nope. Still Angel.”

“That’s up for debate,” she said, smashing the heel of her shoe into his
foot and immediately spinning around, freeing herself and kicking him in the
stomach. “Here’s a little tip- don’t try and put restrictions on the
Slayer. Especially one who’s already in a pissed off mood before she walks
into this condemned hotel.”

“What do you want?” he asked again, growling as he looked at her.

“I want to know where the hell Wesley and Cordelia are, but apparently you
aren’t going to help me at all.”

“Why are you in town?”

“I need help and I really don’t think I’m going to find it here.”

Trying to walk past him, a tremor of fear went through Buffy when his fist
slammed into the wall in front of her, blocking her exit.

“You know, I’m getting really sick of everyone being all dominating today.”

Turning toward him, Buffy’s lips tightened before shoving him away. Feeling
the explosion that ran through her cheek and eye, she reeled back, her hand
immediately coming up to her face, trying to alleviate the pain of the
stinging blow before retaliating and slamming her fist into his jaw.

Backing toward the door, Buffy kept a careful eye on him, anger nearly
clouding her vision. “I don’t even know who you are.”

“I’m a vampire…look it up.”

“Don’t need to. I’ve had the definition for sometime now, and I’m afraid
you don’t really fall in that category. You’ve got the obvious signs-
drinking blood, aversion to sunlight, but I think you fall under the
category of ‘malicious son of a bitch’.”

Running through the courtyard and away from the hotel, Buffy finally slowed
down when she was a few blocks away. Between Spike’s insecurity and the
feeling of abandonment she had and Angel’s apparent sway over to the dark
side, she didn’t know how much more she could take.

TBC

/N I realized some of you haven’t seen season 2 of Angel, so here is a (very) brief rundown. Wolfram & Hart brought back Darla to push Angel over the edge. As a result, he fired the gang and set out on a vendetta to kill her (and Drusilla). He injured them instead (leading to Dru returning to Sunnydale in Crush) and the following events led to Connor being born. Angel turns really dark in that season- not Angelus, just a really mean guy making conscious decisions to not help people. If you haven’t seen that season, you really should! The next few chapters (which take place over a 24 hour period) are set during the events of Redefinition when he (in my opinion) is the worst that he gets in the arc.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Chapter 33 – Dare to Forgive


Unlocking the door of the hotel room, Buffy pushed it open, both hoping and
dreading that Spike would be there. She really didn’t want to argue
anymore, but she wouldn’t have objected to curling up next to him and
spending the night safely cocooned in his arms.

Seeing that the room was empty, Buffy sighed and walked out on the balcony.
Sunrise wasn’t for a few hours, but her nerves would be more settled if
Spike would just come back.

Flinching when her muscles protested, she slowly pushed away from the
railing. After her run-in with Angel or Angelus or whoever the hell he was,
she had decided to patrol, wanting to avoid coming back to the hotel.
Unfortunately, she’d ended up running into a gang of vampires who thought it
would be fun to take out the Slayer. Taking quite a few brutal hits, Buffy
had managed to dust all of them, but her body wasn’t happy about the stress
it had been put through.

* * * * *

Wiping the steam off the mirror, Buffy wrapped a towel around her hair and
looked at her reflection. Her skin still had a light sheen of perspiration
from the hot bath she’d just taken, and staring at herself in the mirror,
Buffy flinched at the bruises and cuts on her arms, but the most
painful was the throbbing underneath her eye, reminding her of a man she
thought she knew.

Frowning as she probed her sensitive skin, Buffy sighed before turning and
grabbing the thick, white bathrobe from the back of the door and wrapping it
around herself. Grabbing a comb off the counter, she walked into the small
living room with a heavy heart. She knew that Spike still hadn’t returned
or she would have sensed him, and it left a heavy pain in her heart.

Shaking the excessive moisture out of her hair, Buffy dropped the towel in
the corner and ran the comb through her hair as she sat down on the couch.
Curling her legs underneath her, she flipped on the TV, hoping to distract
her brain from the disturbing images it chose to make. She knew she hadn’t
been wrong in not letting Spike go to the Hyperion- who knows what would
have happened if he had come face to face with Angel- but she just wished
she knew where he was.

* * * * *

Spike desperately tried to hold onto the anger that had been fueling his
emotions all night. Walking into the hotel room, he knew it was a lost
cause when he saw Buffy asleep on the couch. Wrapped in a soft robe, her
hair fanning around her in soft curls that let him know it had dried that
way, and the way her hand curled under her cheek as she slept, Spike had
never seen her look so innocent.

Slowly walking over to her, he shrugged out of his duster and crouched on
the floor, gently picking up the hand that was draped over her waist,
holding it loosely in his.

Watching as her eyes fluttered open, he gave her a soft smile.

“Spike?” she murmured, not letting herself believe that he was really here.

“It’s me, baby,” he whispered, bringing her hand to his mouth and pressing a
soft kiss to it. Frowning at the fresh smell of blood, Spike straightened,
looking her over. “What happened?”

“Where’ve you been?” Buffy asked, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

“Took a walk. What happened?” he asked again.

“I just patrolled,” she said, watching Spike as his eyes narrowed and he
reached over to switch on the lamp sitting on the small table next to the
couch.

Buffy squinted in the harsh light, trying to make out his features as her
eyes adjusted. She could feel him tense before his fingertips reached up to
gently brush over the tender skin underneath her eye.

Her body was rigid as he continued to look at her.

“I should have been there. I shut myself off and I…I should have been there.”

“The claim?”

Spike glanced up at her, before looking away. “I shut myself off from it…didn’t really want to know what you might be feeling when you were visiting him.”

“Spike,” Buffy whispered, gently running her hand along his cheek. “I know it’s hard, but you have to trust me. I’m not Drusilla…I won’t leave you for my ex. I’m yours. Your mate and your lover…alright?”

Spike didn’t say anything as he avoided her eyes, but Buffy could see the tears shimmering in his when he nodded.

“Did you get to kill whatever did this?”

“No,” Buffy whispered, quickly looking away when he raised his eyes to hers. “I killed the others.”

“Others?”

Wordlessly pushing the sleeves of her robe up to her elbows, Spike growled
possessively when he saw the shallow cuts and other marks on her arms.

“How many were there?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy shrugged. “Five, I guess.”

“I don’t want you patrolling alone while we’re here.”

“Spike-”

“Buffy, this isn’t Sunnydale.”

“I know. Which means that these vamps don’t know me.”

“They’re still willing to go looking for a meal at night. I don’t want to
lose you, luv.”

When Buffy stayed quiet, Spike sighed in exasperation. “What did the great
poofter have to say?” he asked, knowing the subject would come up
eventually.

“I didn’t get a lot of information,” she replied, playing with the sleeves
of her robe.

“Why not?” he asked, tilting his head to look at her.

“Because he wasn’t real interested in talking.”

Realizing a moment too late that she’d said the wrong thing, Spike jumped to
his feet, reaching for the first breakable object he could find and hurling
it at the wall. “Son of a bitch!” he roared, panting as he looked
around the room for something else to throw.

“Spike, calm down,” Buffy cried, jumping to her feet and grabbing his arm.

“Calm down? Calm down! Are you seriously expecting-”

“Do you not trust me?” she asked quietly, watching as his features softened.

“I trust you,” he whispered. “I do. I just don’t like the fact, he
expects-”

“I didn’t mean it that way- it came out all wrong,” Buffy interrupted.

“How can ‘he wasn’t interested in talking’ come out wrong?”

“He’s the one who gave me this,” she said softly, gesturing to the bruised
skin under her eye.

Spike’s eyes widened for a moment before his mouth dropped open. “What do
you…how could…why?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy whispered, taking his hand and pulling him back to the
couch. “He wasn’t acting like himself. He said he fired Wesley and
Cordelia and didn’t know where they were and then he just acted…different.”

“Different as in- Angelus?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I can’t explain what it was. It was
almost like he wasn’t either of them. I looked into his eyes and there was
just nothing there, Spike.”

Buffy’s eyes widened when Spike jumped off the couch and began walking
toward the door.

“Where are you going?” she asked in a panicked voice.

“Going to teach him not to mess with what’s mine.”

“Spike, I can take care of myself,” Buffy said, catching his arm before he
walked out the door. “And I know you’re strong, but I don’t think that I
could take him at top strength- that’s how much he freaked me out. Plus
it’s going to be sunrise soon.”

“What do you expect me to do, Buffy?” he asked, looking at her as if she’d
gone insane.

“Tonight we’ll track down Cordy and Wes and find out what’s going on and
then we’ll work it out.”

“And what am I supposed to do in the meantime?” Spike asked, looking down
the hallway as if it led to his freedom.

“I was thinking you could kiss me,” Buffy whispered, smiling when Spike
immediately turned around and pinned her to the door, lowering his lips to
hers in a passionate kiss.

Chapter 34 – Love Bites


“Spike? Are you ready?” Buffy called toward the bedroom, standing next to
the open front door and waiting impatiently for the blonde to appear. She
was hoping to be able and track down Cordelia or Wesley, and the way he was
procrastinating, she was worried it might be the next night before they
actually got out of the room.

“Almost ready, Slayer. Keep your pants on…well, actually-”

“Zip it,” she yelled. “I have never known a man to take so long getting
ready. Especially not one who’s been alive for over one hundred years and
should have perfected his technique by now!”

“Easy for you to say,” Spike yelled back. “You have a mirror to look into.
I’m doing this from memory or did you forget that little detail?”

“If you wouldn’t put so much of that damn gel in your hair, it would cut
down on the process. You know, that stuff isn’t exactly eco-friendly.”

Buffy suppressed her smile as Spike walked out of the room, grabbing his
duster as he walked toward her.

“Bite me,” he growled.

“Oooh,” Buffy said with a smirk. “Maybe later. Right now, we’re running
late.”

Slamming the door behind them, she took off running when Spike chased
after her. Pushing open the door of the stairwell, she giggled when he
wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her toward his strong chest and
holding her until she stopped squirming.

Buffy felt the mood noticeably change when his lips lowered to her neck,
gently running his tongue over his previous bite marks and eliciting a moan
from her.

“Spike,” she whispered breathlessly. “We don’t have time for this.”

“Always have time for this,” he murmured against her skin, sending chills
racing through her body as he continued his soft caresses.

Buffy moaned, gripping the railing of the stairwell and gasping when his
blunt teeth gently sunk into her skin.

“Ever shagged in public, luv?” he asked in a voice that let her know he had
all the control in the situation. “The possibility of anyone stumbling
across you, any time?”

Feeling a flood of moisture between her legs, Buffy didn’t trust herself to
speak as she meekly shook her head, pushing her body against his in a
frantic effort to calm the fire that he was building.

Spike ran his tongue along his bottom lip as he angled his upper body away
from hers, studying the backless tank top she was wearing and letting his
fingertips trail along one of the flimsy strings holding the garment
together. He could feel Buffy trembling at his soft touch and a slow smile
spread across his face.

Slowly untying one of the strings, Spike brought his lips back to her ear,
making sure to purposely breathe so she knew exactly how close he was and
driving her wild with lust. “We’ve spent all day in bed, Goldilocks,” he
whispered. “Maybe you’re a little too worn out to do anything now.”

Shaking her head, Spike’s smile widened as his fingers moved to the next
obstacle that stood in his way, making sure to gently run his hand along her
back so she knew exactly what he was doing.

Watching as she shivered at his touch, Spike took pity on her and ran his
hands along her body, over her hips to slowly settle on her leather-covered
thighs.

“You want me?” he asked in a low voice, designed to turn any woman to jelly,
Buffy being no exception.

“Only you,” she whispered, her lips parted as she tossed her head back to
rest on his shoulder, feeling too weak to hold it up.

Slipping a hand into the waistband of her pants, Spike smiled when she
moaned loudly, bucking her hips against his hand and seeking any form of
release she could get.

"You’re soaking,” he murmured, letting a finger trail over her clit and
applying the tiniest bit of pressure that sent her gasping for air and
arching her back against him.

“I need you,” she said softly, clutching at his arm to keep standing.

Untying the final string of her tank top, Spike watching in appreciation as
it fluttered to the floor, leaving her in nothing but a pair of red leather
pants and black boots. Removing his hand, Buffy moaned at the loss of
contact before Spike spun her around and frantically worked the button and
zipper of her pants.

Quickly shedding the rest of her clothes, Buffy felt as if she was going to
die if she didn’t come soon. Feeling Spike lift her up and pin her to the
wall, she eagerly wrapped her hands behind his neck and pulled him close for
an impatient kiss as her legs wrapped around his waist. Reaching between
them and lowered his zipper, Buffy smiled against his lips when he groaned
in pleasure.

Pumping him up and down for a moment, Spike soon realized that he was
rapidly losing his control of the situation and slid into her with
effortless ease. He couldn’t help but smile when he felt Buffy’s inner
muscles clamp around him, already seeking her release.

“Want to come, pet?” he asked, moving in and out of her with deliberately
measured strokes.

“God, yes,” she panted, nearly pushed over the edge with the simple thought
that they could be caught at any time.

Slamming his hips against hers without warning, Buffy cried out in pleasure,
digging her nails into his back.

Feeling her body quivering with need, Spike let his teeth scrape over his
mark, smiling against her skin when she screamed out her release, meeting
each of his thrusts.

“I love you,” he whispered, never slowing his movements.

Buffy forcefully bit down on his neck in response, causing a nearly inhuman
roar to resonate through the open area as he emptied himself inside of her.
Pulling back to look at him, both panted for air as she stared into his
eyes. “Mine,” she said softly.

The love and adoration was clearly visible in his eyes as he tenderly smiled
at her, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. “Yours.”

Chapter 35 – Can’t Take My Eyes Off You


Walking into the karaoke bar a few hours later, Buffy took in the pleasant
décor with a slight smile. “Gee, for a demon, this guy sure doesn’t like his place to
be…demony.”

“I guess it would ruin the atmosphere,” Spike said with a shrug. “What was
it that the vampire said?”

“Aside from the various screams?” Buffy asked with a smile.

“Yeah,” he replied, looking around. “And for future reference, pet, it’s not
exactly considered fair play to continue beating the informant while he’s
talking.”

“He pissed me off,” she said with a shrug. “And he checked out my ass. I
would think you would be the one who wanted me to beat him.”

Finally turning to her with a raised eyebrow, Spike’s arm snaked
possessively around her waist. “Well, considering I didn’t know that- why
didn’t you torture him?”

Rolling her eyes, Buffy laughed. “He said to look for the green guy that’s
usually around the bar or the stage.”

“I think we’ve found our man,” Spike said, letting go of Buffy’s waist and
grabbing her hand as they walked through the crowded club.

Seeing the demon turn around when they approached, Buffy was surprised at
the welcoming smile that was offered.

“Welcome to Caritas, kiddies. I’m Lorne the Host and I’ll be at your
service this fine evening, although I think you’ve already serviced the
young lady for the both of us,” he said with a wink at Spike.

Buffy blushed as Spike growled in response, taking a step closer to the
demon before she put her hand on his chest. “I think he’s kidding,” she
said softly before turning back to the Host. “We were told you could help
us.”

“I’ll be happy to help, just as soon as you make your way up to that lovely
stage and sing your little heart out.”

“Ummm…I don’t think that’s the kind of help I was looking for.”

“I’m able to read your destiny by whatever comes out of those pretty pipes. Trust me, sugar,” he said with a smile, putting his hand on the small of Buffy’s back and leading her toward the stage. “It will be exactly what you’re looking for.”

Buffy’s eyes widened as she stepped onstage, hesitantly choosing a song
before looking for Spike in the crowd. She could see him leaning against
the bar as Lorne approached and stood next to him, both of their
attention focused on Buffy.

Taking a deep breath when the music started, Buffy hesitantly began singing.

“So dear to me
Always keep me company
Who needs to go outside
I will be your silent bride
I can't take my eyes off you.”

“Shouldn’t you be watching her?” Spike asked, turning toward Lorne, who was
avidly staring at him.

“I would if I couldn’t read you like a book."

“What do you mean?”

“You really need to let go of some of your insecurities, sweetie.”

“Nothing ever needs to be said
You send your message
right into my head
You fill me up when I'm alone
So soothing is your monotone.”

“I’m not insecure,” Spike finally mumbled.

“Oh really?” he asked, turning toward him. “So you don’t worry everyday
when you wake up that you’re going to lose that woman, whether it be to
death or another man?”

“That’s a pretty common fear among most men,” he replied softly.

“But not among a vampire and Slayer. Not when they have the feelings that
you two have for each other. And not when they’ve each claimed the other.”

“I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
So maybe you're not as real
as the others.”

“I love her,” he whispered.

“And the feeling is mutual.”

“I don’t think so,” Spike said softly.

“Then you shouldn’t think so much,” he retorted with a grin. “The feeling
is mutual.”

“How do you know?”

“Because few things shine brighter in this world than a woman in love.”

“That’s what you’re reading?”

“No, sugarplum,” the Host said, taking Spike by his shoulders and turning
him toward the stage. “That’s what I see.”

“But I choose you over all my past lovers
For they have come and they have gone
but I can always turn you on
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you.”

Spike stared at Buffy as she sang the last notes of the song, staring
directly into his eyes the entire time before he made his way through the
bar and eagerly took her in his arms when she stepped off the stage.

“I love you,” he murmured into her hair.

Buffy didn’t say anything as she tightened her hold on him, feeling emotions
well up inside of her before reluctantly pulling away from him with watery
eyes. Seeing the Host standing behind them, Buffy sniffled slightly. “Can
you help us?”

“I’d like to. Unfortunately, you don’t need my help.”

“Then why the bloody hell-”

“You need the help of the person who is about twenty feet to your right.”

Turning toward the front door, Buffy gasped when she saw Wesley walk in.
Making her way over to him with Spike and Lorne behind her, she noticed the
shocked expression on his face as she approached.

“I have never been so glad to see you,” she said, restraining herself from
hugging the other man.

“Buffy, what are you doing here?”

“Trying to find you, and I ended up finding a demented version of Angel
instead.”

“So you’ve seen him,” he said softly.

“Yeah, and don’t think we won’t be talking about that, Mister.”

“At the risk of sounding redundant, what are you doing here?”

“Apparently there’s this big prophecy, and Giles sent me and Spike on a wild
goose chase to track you down.”

“Spike? William the Bloody?” he asked, looking over her shoulder at the
blonde man.

“Yeah, but you don’t understand. He’s…”

Buffy trailed off, not knowing what to say. ‘He’s good... he won’t hurt you...
he’s my lover?’

“I won’t hurt anybody,” Spike filled in, taking the problem out of her
hands.

“You don’t happen to know where Cordelia is, do you?”

“We’re in the process of starting a new agency after we were downsized against our will.”

“Is she there right now?” Buffy asked hopefully.

“She is. I’ll take you both there and you can tell me about this prophecy.”

Buffy nodded before turning back to Lorne.

“Thanks,” she said, giving him a smile.

“Don’t trust everyone,” he said, studying the young woman in front of him.

“What do you mean?” Buffy asked, reaching for Spike’s hand and clutching it
in a firm grip.

“You might be advised to take some unusual…advice at some point. Don’t
always trust it.”

“And when will this happen?” Spike asked, tilting his head in confusion.

“I’m guessing right around the time that the little bunny in the oven
decides to make an appearance,” he said with a gentle smile.

“What?” Spike asked in hopeful disbelief.

“Oh, you had to know,” he said, his smile growing broader.

“W-when did it happen?” Buffy asked.

“I don’t think you need me to answer that,” Lorne said in a soft voice.

“B-but I was kidnapped,” she said with uncertainty. “I was injected with
some poison and wouldn’t it hurt the baby?”

“Under normal circumstances, yes, but not when there are some mystical
barriers around it, preventing anything from happening,” he said. “Someone
up there is on your side for this baby to be born. But like I said, don’t
trust everyone.”

“And we can trust you?” Spike asked skeptically.

“I can vouch for him,” Wesley spoke up, still stunned by the news that his
former Slayer was having a baby and it seemed the father was one of the most
vicious vampires ever recorded.

“Take care of yourself,” Lorne said, giving her a hug. “And if you need me,
you know where to find me.”

Turning to look at Spike in amazement, Buffy’s stunned look faded away when she saw the beaming smile on his face. “We’re going to have a baby,” she whispered, seconds later, feeling herself wrapped in his arms, lifting her into the air as she was spun around in a circle before he carefully lowered her to her feet.

“You’re going to make me a father,” he said softly. “I can’t believe it.”




Chapter 36 – Tender Heart


“So,” Buffy said slowly, looking back and forth between Cordelia and Wesley
and a man whom Buffy had never met named Charles Gunn. “Darla gets pulled
back from whatever beyond she was sent to, Drusilla vamped her, Angel fired
you, and now he’s on this obsession kick where he thinks he has to what?
Kill her?”

“All I know is that he’s being a Grade A jackass,” Cordy spoke up.

“Personally, I’m more interested in the aspects of this pregnancy,” Wes
spoke up, trying to get information from them again. He’d been persistent
the entire way to the office, but Buffy and Spike had been too shocked with
the recent discovery of the pregnancy to give him much information.

“I told you, Wes. It’s a prophecy,” Buffy said, pacing the length of the
small room. “It’s not even one hundred percent guaranteed that I’m
pregnant, just cause the green guy said so-”

“Lorne read you?” Cordelia asked, having already heard about the pregnancy
the moment Wesley walked through the door and taking it with a grain of
salt. “I think it’s safe to say that you are.”

“Okay,” Buffy said, feeling her stomach turn, one of the many signs of
pregnancy that she was choosing to ignore for the time being. “We need to
figure out how to get to Darla.”

“We’re not,” Spike said forcefully, causing Buffy to turn around and meet
his strong gaze.

“I’m not letting these two go on a killing spree through the city.”

“It’s too dangerous,” Spike replied, shaking his head.

“I can handle them…and Darla wasn’t that hard to kill before.”

“Only because Peaches ran her through from behind! A Sire never expects her
childe to stake her.”

Buffy’s eyes lit up. “Then you kill Drusilla,” she said, feeling relieved
that they might have an advantage after all.

“What?” Spike asked, looking at her as if she was insane before shaking his
head. “No.”

“No?”

“I can’t do it, Slayer.”

“Can’t or won’t?” Buffy asked, trying to cover up the hurt feeling that was
welling up inside of her.

“Bit of both,” he replied, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Do you still love her, Spike?” she whispered quietly, feeling her heart
pounding in her chest while she waited for his answer.

“Buffy, she’s my sire.”

Her mind seemed to be warring against her at his lack of an answer.

‘Angel killed his sire for you.’

‘Angel had a soul.’

‘Spike says he loves you.’

‘He’s willing to let you face this alone.’

Visibly shaking her head to clear it of the disturbing thoughts, Buffy took
a step away from him. A move that did not go unnoticed by the blonde
vampire.

“Fine,” she murmured. “Do what you want.”

Gritting his teeth in frustration, Spike turned and headed for the door,
already searching his pockets for a pack of cigarettes.

Watching him leave, Buffy tried to fight the tears in her eyes- partly from
her pregnancy hormones and partly because the girl inside of her felt like
she was dying, knowing where Spike’s true loyalty lay. She knew it was
unfair to ask him to do this, but the nagging feeling inside of her wouldn’t
shut up.

“I’ll track them down,” she said softly when she noticed everyone’s eyes on
her.

“Are you okay?” Cordy asked quietly as she studied the other woman.

“Fine,” Buffy said in a tight voice. “Where are we as far as weapons?”

Gunn took a step back and pulled open a cabinet, watching as Buffy walked
over and grabbed a sword and a crossbow.

“I’ll find them. You three go make sure Angel is busy. The last thing I
need is to find the three of them together.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Wesley said, his brow furrowed as
he looked at his former Slayer.

“Maybe not, but it’s the plan,” Buffy replied, putting the weapons in an old
bag so she wouldn’t draw attention to herself walking through the streets of
L.A. Not like that many people would see anything out of the ordinary, even
if she did.

“How are we supposed to keep Angel busy?” Gunn asked.

“Tell him I’m pregnant with Spike’s child,” she said, hoisting the bag onto
her shoulder and walking toward the backdoor without a second look. “That
will hopefully keep his mind away from Darla for the night.”

Slamming the door behind her, the three sat in shock, each looking at the
other and wondering what they could do. Cordy finally stood up after a few
long moments and walked toward the front door, opening it to see Spike
staring out at the night sky and deeply inhaling on his cigarette.

“You’re an idiot,” Cordy said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Why’s that, pet?” he asked, never looking in her direction.

“Because the woman you love asked you to do something and you just walk out
on her.”

“Do you have any idea what she asked of me?” he asked, spinning around to
face her.

“I was there. And I know exactly what it means to kill your sire. But I
can relate to a woman who thinks that the man she’s with…the man whose child
she’s carrying, doesn’t love her enough to keep her safe from someone who
just happens to be your sire.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Isn’t it?” Cordy asked in frustration. “That’s how a woman’s mind works,
Spike. And I would bet my new pair of Prada’s that she’s comparing you to
Angel right now.”

“What else is new?” he muttered, smashing the cigarette under his heel.

“She wants to be with you,” Cordelia said softly. “She chose you. The
Powers chose you to be the father of her child. Not Angel…you!”

“It was probably just a mistake,” he said softly, feeling his heart breaking
with the idea that Buffy might be questioning his love for her.

“Prophecies aren’t mistakes,” she said, studying the vampire.

“Sod off,” he muttered.

“Fine,” Cordy said with an edge to her voice. “I will. I’ll take my
coworkers and try and keep Angel distracted while your girlfriend goes off
to handle Darla and Drusilla all on her own and probably end up getting
herself killed in the process.”

Spike’s head immediately snapped up to face her. “What are you on about?”

“Buffy. She left.”

“What do you mean, left!? Where’d she go?” he asked frantically.

“I just told you. You didn’t really expect her to sit back and watch while
your psycho sire and her child/sire combo made happy meals of the entire
city now did you? I thought you knew Buffy. She would never let that happen.”

“She left already?”

Watching as she arched an eyebrow in reply, Spike suddenly felt a pressing
weight on his heart at the thought that he might lose her. “Which way?”

“Through the back. I don’t know where they are, but they’re probably
leaving a pretty big trail.”

By the time she finished talking, Spike was already gone.



Chapter 37 – Beyond Anger


Spike frantically scoured the city, trying to find any hint of where Buffy might have gone. He couldn’t even catch her unique fragrance among so many other scents that surrounded him, and it was only serving to fuel his anxiety.

Trying to call on the claim to find her, he growled in frustration when he realized Buffy wasn’t answering to it. He should have been able to feel something- anger, sadness, pain, but he couldn’t feel anything and the thought that she might be in danger and he couldn’t get to her terrified him.

Finally realizing that it would be easier to find Darla and Drusilla, Spike quickly made his way through the dark alleys, grabbing the first demon he saw and proceeding to beat him up for the information he needed.

* * * * *

Walking into the factory, Buffy took a deep breath while she looked around.
It wasn’t too hard to find the place, considering Darla and Drusilla were
advertising where they were going to be holding their ‘auditions’ that
night.

Carefully extracting the sword from the bag, Buffy quietly made her way
through the factory, keeping her eyes trained on the shadows. Seeing one
move, she immediately swung the sword around, swallowing a gasp when her
wrist was caught in an iron-like vice grip.

“Angel?” she asked, panting heavily as she tried to make out his face in the
shadows.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his lifeless eyes flickering with
something that could have been concern before resuming their cold
indifference.

“Trying to finish what you can’t,” she replied bravely, pulling her arm out
of his grasp.

“Who says I can’t?” Angel asked, turning when he heard the noises at the
side of the building.

“You’re here to kill them?” she whispered in disbelief.

Not answering, Angel merely motioned for her to stay behind him, not seeing
when Buffy rolled her eyes at his usual overprotective nature as they walked
through the factory, hearing the voices of the two females.

“Ten little soldiers, all in a line. A shot rings out,” Drusilla said,
clapping her hands together. “Down to nine.”

”Ten?” Darla replied. “I'd be happy if we could find three who can hack
it.”

Sliding the door open, Buffy watched as they walked in and looked at the
piles of dust and demon corpses that Buffy was just discovering for the
first time as well.

“Dead already?” Dru asked before pointing her finger at the bodies. “Bad
soldiers!”

Darla studied the carnage in front of her before looking around and seeing
Angel staring at her with an unflinching gaze.

“I should have known,” she said with a soft smile.

“A shadow,” Dru whispered, shaking her head and lifting her hand as if she
was trying to clear the image of who was in front of her.

“Why so far away, my love?” Darla asked, the smile never leaving her face.
“Why don't you come over here and... stake me?”

“Because that’s my job,” Buffy replied, leaving her hiding place and
swinging a sword at the blonde, narrowly missing her throat as Darla jumped
out of the way.

Carefully keeping an eye on Drusilla, Buffy noticed that Angel’s eyes were
also on the other blonde woman. Each recognizing who the real threat was
between the two but each becoming equally unnerved when Dru began cackling
and swaying behind Darla.

“Naughty naughty little Slayer,” she said with a laugh. “What will Daddy
say when he finds out?”

“Finds out what?” Angel asked with a growl.

Buffy felt her heartbeat speed up, looking between the three vampires,
hoping that she wouldn’t have to fight all of them.

“Finds out what?” he asked again as Drusilla slowly approached the Slayer.

“That your little ray of sunshine is going to have a little sunlight of her
own.”

A secretive smile formed on Darla’s face as she looked at the Slayer.
“Really?” she purred. “A pregnant Slayer. Well, that’s…rare.”

Buffy didn’t have to look at Angel to feel the anger radiating off of him.
She figured it would be in her best interest to keep an eye on the two
naturally evil vampires than worry about the mood swings of the man in the
room.

“Who’s the father?” Darla asked with a wide smile, enjoying Angel’s obvious
pain and wanting to throw the Slayer off her game as much as possible.

Buffy stayed quiet, her eyes on Drusilla as the raven-haired woman
approached her. Keeping a firm grip on her sword, she watched as the
vampire’s eyes widened before a scream erupted from her. Startled by the
sudden change, Buffy gasped when she felt the woman’s razor sharp
fingernails slice down her arm, leaving three deep cuts in their wake.

Flinching at the pain that radiated through her, Buffy reflexively grabbed
at her arm, swinging the sword in a defense maneuver instead of attacking.
She was vaguely aware of Angel jumping in front of her to stop Dru from
hurting her again.

Taking several deep breaths and trying to steady her pulse, she wasn’t even
aware of Darla as the other woman slammed her fist into Buffy’s jaw, sending
her crashing into the floor and the sword flying several feet away.

Buffy tried to back away, feeling the impending doom setting in seconds
before Darla exploded into dust. Buffy’s mouth dropped open in shock,
seeing Angel appear in front of her.

Watching his sire disintegrate for the second time by his hand, Angel
visibly seemed to wake up as if he’d been in a trance. “My God,” he
muttered, looking around the building before settling on the blonde Slayer
as she lay cradling her arm on the floor. “Are you okay?” he asked,
dropping to his knees next to Buffy and gently taking her arm in his hands.

“Where’s Drusilla?” Buffy asked, looking around the factory with
trepidation.

“I think she ran away,” Angel replied, glancing over his shoulder before
fixing his gaze back on the woman he loved. “Is it true?”

Avoiding his penetrating eyes, Buffy nodded. “It’s true,” she murmured,
feeling Angel tense next to her.

“And the father?”

“I really don’t want to tell you.”

This did nothing to settle his fears. “Tell me, Buffy,” he said softly.

Finally raising her eyes to his, Buffy was relieved to see the Angel that
she knew and not the shadow of the man he was just moments ago. “Who could
possibly cause that reaction from Drusilla?”

Angel seemed to think for a moment before his features hardened. “No,” he
said, shaking his head. “It’s impossible…he’s a vampire…soulless, and…and
it’s impossible.”

“It’s a prophecy.”

“But…but that would mean…”

Angel trailed off when he saw the tears shimmering in her eyes.

“…it is true,” he finished, feeling his heart sink in his chest.

“He loves me,” she whispered, finally letting the tears spill over. “Just…”

“What?” Angel asked, trying to get over his own emotions and offer Buffy the
support and comfort that she was obviously craving.

“I’ll just never be enough for him,” she said in a choked voice.

“Buffy,” he whispered, feeling her pain radiating through to him before
taking her in his arms and gently stroking her hair as she cried.

Folded safely in the familiar embrace, Buffy never felt the presence behind
her.

“Well…isn’t this sweet.”

Pulling away, Buffy quickly wiped the tears that were streaking down her
cheeks before clutching her arm as she got to her feet. Taking a deep
breath and turning around, she could feel the blood trickling through her
fingers and dripping on the floor.

“Don’t worry,” she said with contempt plainly visible in her eyes when she
saw his eyes briefly flicker to the pile of dust on the floor. “Your
precious Dru got away.”

Seeing the blood falling freely to the filthy floor and the obvious pain in
her eyes when she walked past him, Spike wanted nothing more than to take
her in his arms and reassure himself that she was okay as he turned to walk
after her.

“Buffy-”

“And do me a favor,” she said, spinning around to face him. “Do not follow
me!”



 

Chapter 38 – Tough Love


Both men stared at the door for several long moments after Buffy walked
through it, each trying to ignore the presence of the other man in the room.

“Did you do something to her?” Angel asked in a low voice, never looking at his
grandchilde.

“What?” Spike replied through clenched teeth, looking at the other man.

“I want the truth.”

“No! I didn’t do a bloody thing to her! I was her friend. I was there for
her when no one else was.”

“You claimed her…didn’t you?” Angel asked, finally making eye contact with
Spike.

“I never did anything that she didn’t want me to do."

Physically restraining himself from hitting the other man, Angel took an unneeded breath.

Both stayed quiet for a moment before Angel finally sighed in defeat. “Do
you know where she’s going?”

“My guess,” Spike said miserably. “Back to your hotel.”

“Why do you think that?” Angel asked, looking back at the door.

“Because,” he replied with a sigh. “It’s the one place she thinks that I
won’t look for her.”

Chuckling to himself, Angel nodded. “That sounds about right.” Seeing the
heartbroken look on Spike’s face, he finally relented. “Give me a few
hours. I’ll talk to her…come by before sunrise.”

Looking at his grandsire in surprise, Spike’s brow knit together. “You’re helping me?” he asked skeptically.

“No,” Angel replied, shaking his head. “I’m helping her.”

“Fair enough,” Spike muttered. “Oh, I almost forgot…”

Slamming his fist into the other man’s jaw, a smile of satisfaction came over his face as Angel’s hand flew up to pop his jaw back into place.

“What the hell was that for?” he yelled, ready to attack the blonde.

“No one hurts my girl and gets away with it.”

* * * * *

Knowing that Buffy was in the basement working off her tension, in spite of
the damage to her arm, Angel decided to leave her alone for most of the
night, not wanting to be on the receiving end of one of her tantrums or
worse…one of her punches.

Realizing that the sun would be rising in less than an hour, he slowly made
his way down the stairs, seeing Buffy stretching on one of the mats.

“Hi,” he said softly as he sat down.

“Hey,” she whispered, not making eye contact with him as she rolled her
shoulders, wincing at the pain in her arm.

“I don’t like him,” he said, deciding to jump right into the conversation,
noticing that Buffy’s posture went rigid at the vague mention of Spike. “I
doubt I ever will,” he continued. “But…when he loves someone, he doesn’t
let go. And if he says he loves you…if he’s claimed you…he loves you.”

“And because of that…he must love Drusilla in the same way.”

“Buffy, I love…I’ve loved you. Trust me when I say that loving you compares
to nothing else that I’ve felt in over two hundred years.”

Silent tears fell from Buffy’s eyes as she tried to quickly wipe them away.
“But you’re not Spike,” she whispered. “I just…I don’t know how he feels
about her and…”

“Everything will be fine,” Angel said, standing up and affectionately
running his hand over her silky hair.

“I’m going to get some sleep. I think I’ve got some groveling to look
forward to tomorrow night and I’ll need all the rest I can get.”

Offering him a weak smile, Buffy stared straight ahead for several minutes
after Angel had gone. Taking a deep breath to get her emotions under
control, she finally stood and stretched her arms a little bit as she walked
toward the punching bag, ignoring the twinge of pain as her bandaged arm
protested. She had too much nervous energy to sit still and she was willing
to live with a little bit of pain.

Tensing up slightly when she felt his presence after a few minutes, Buffy
didn’t bother to turn around. Knowing that he was approaching, her back
stiffened even more and she practically attacked the bag, fighting every
impulse inside of her that was telling her to turn around and take out her
frustration on the source.

“I don’t know if that’s good for the baby, luv,” Spike said quietly after a
moment. He was merely testing the waters since he already knew that she was
aware of him.

Never stopping her assault on the punching bag, Buffy finally spoke to him
in a strained voice, “Mystical pregnancy, remember? Poison obviously isn’t
supposed to hurt it, so I’m thinking a little physical exertion is fine.”

“And what about your arm?” he murmured.

“It’s fine,” she replied in a low voice, adding an extra kick to the bag for
good measure.

Sitting down on a nearby bench, Spike clasped his hands in front of him as
he watched her move, never getting tired of seeing her in her semi-natural
element. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, noticing that she didn’t even pause
in her movements.

“Me too,” she replied flippantly, making it perfectly clear that she was
sorry for what he’d put her through and she wasn’t sorry for asking him to
stake his sire.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Spike said, studying her every movement.

“I doubt that.”

“You’re thinking that if Angel was able to stake his sire twice, why
couldn’t I?”

“No,” she said through gritted teeth, finally turning around to face him
before tearing her eyes away and walking toward the stairs, angrily ripping
the tape off her hands and throwing it on the floor. “I’m thinking…that
because I love you so damn much, I wish they would have killed me. At least
then it would be easier than having to live with this feeling that I will
never be able to measure up to her!”

Spike sat in stunned silence, trying to wrap his mind around everything
Buffy had just told him. The ‘I love you’ was practically burning through
him before he realized everything else she’d said. Easily catching up to
her, Spike grabbed her arm to spin her around, noticing the tears that were
streaming down her face. “There is no ‘measuring up’,” he reassured her
quietly, pulling her against his chest as she began to sob. “I can live
without her. I’ve done fine for years. But if anything happened to you…I
would have to stake myself because I can’t bear the thought of being
without you.”

Closing his eyes as he held her and gently stroked her hair, Spike let a low
rumbling reverberate through his chest. He was trying to do everything he could
to settle the distraught woman in his arms.

“I love you,” he whispered, feeling her shoulders gently shake with the soft
admission as she buried her head even further into his chest.

He felt tears burn his eyes as he listened to her sobs before barely making
out the whisper, “I love you, Spike.”

“I’m so sorry, Buffy,” he whispered. “I never wanted to put you through that. You mean everything to me…I just wish I could go back and prove how much I love you.” Pulling back to look at her, Spike tenderly ran his hand along her cheek. “If she ever shows her face near me, she’s dust.”

“You mean it?” she murmured, unable to believe what he was telling her.

Kissing her forehead, Spike back away to look at her. “No one hurts my girl and gets away with it.”

Chapter 39 – Talking it Out


“What happens now?” Buffy murmured, her head pillowed on Spike’s chest as he
soothingly ran his fingers through her silky hair.

“Now,” he whispered quietly, slowly moving to get into a better position on
the bed. “We could always let Peaches know that we’ve made up,” he said
with a devilish little smirk, raising an eyebrow when Buffy turned to look
at him.

“You’re evil,” she said with a smile.

“You know it, baby.”

Lowering her head back to his chest, Buffy let her fingernails trail along
the defined muscles of his abdomen. “I really need to tell Giles,” she
whispered quietly, her eyes closing in exhaustion.

“That can wait,” he whispered, doing what he could to help her relax and get some
rest.

Buffy smiled when she felt his hands gently run along here shoulders and down her back, sending shivers down her spine. “Spike, I’m pregnant with a vampire’s baby. I think he needs to know.”

“You sleep,” he said softly. “I’ll call him in a few minutes.”

Turning to look at him, Buffy arched an eyebrow in his direction. “Why do I
not see that conversation going over well?”

Spike merely smirked in response.

* * * * *

“Yeah, Watcher, it’s me,” Spike said into the phone, looking at Buffy’s
sleeping form as she unconsciously continued to seek him out in her sleep.
“Just thought I’d call to tell you that I knocked her up,” he said with a
smile, holding the phone away from his ear when Giles began yelling about
the ‘bluntness of his approach’ and ‘even vampires have the ability to have
tact’.

Chuckling for a moment, Spike finally put the receiver back to his ear when
Giles moderately calmed down.

“Do what you can. We’ll be home soon. And Giles,” he added in a serious
voice. “Buffy really needs you to be okay with this,” he said quietly,
listening intently to Buffy’s heartbeat and ensuring that she wasn’t
beginning to wake up.

“Don’t worry,” Giles replied with a sigh. “I had resigned myself to the
fact that it was probably her. I’ll let everyone know- you just make sure
she gets plenty of rest and absolutely no patrolling.”

A pang of guilt coursed through Spike as he remembered Buffy going off to
face Darla and Drusilla alone and nearly getting killed in the process. “No
worries,” he muttered before hanging up the phone.

Contemplating the woman on the bed for a moment, he removed his shirt as
he slowly walked over and sat on the edge, studying her.

Her blonde hair fell in soft curls around her shoulders and spilled around
the pillow. Dressed in his red button-down shirt, Spike smiled when she
appeared to be snuggling into it, wanting to remain close to him even when
he wasn’t right next to her. Slowly moving his gaze downward, he moved
forward to gently push the shirt up over her stomach, ignoring his
ever-present desire for her when he saw the thong she was wearing before
focusing his attention on her belly.

Brushing his fingertips along the flat muscles that he encountered, Spike
smiled with the knowledge that their child was in there. So lost in
thought, he never even noticed when Buffy’s heartbeat began to pick up and
her eyes open.

Laying still for a moment, Buffy smiled when she saw the look of pure
adoration on his face. “What are you thinking?” she asked softly, tilting
her head and giving him a soft smile when his eyes rose to meet hers.

“That I’m the luckiest man in the world,” he said with a smile, crawling up
the bed to lay down next to her. Propping his head up on one hand as the
other continued to trail along the expanse of her stomach, both lay quietly,
each enjoying the rare sense of peace that they were feeling.

“Did you call Giles?” Buffy asked after a moment.

“Yeah,” he murmured.

“And?”

“He wasn’t that surprised. Said that he’d assumed it was you for a while
now, but absolutely no patrolling.”

Buffy groaned, letting her head roll back against the pillow. “What does he
expect me to do? I’m the Slayer, it’s not like I can just take a nine-month
vacation from all things slayage.”

“I’ll do it,” Spike said, not giving it a second thought as he watched his
hand run along her abdomen.

Slowly pushing herself into a sitting position, Buffy gently turned him to
face her. “You will?”

“You didn’t really think I would let you go out there risking your neck
every night, did you?” he asked.

“I-I don’t know what I thought. I just never imagined…”

“What?” Spike asked with more irritation than he intended. “That I would
want to do everything I could to keep you alive?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Buffy said, catching his arm when he tried to get
out of bed.

Quickly straddling his waist, she left a long, lingering kiss on his lips,
relaxing when she felt his hands slip under her shirt and run the length of
her back to hold her as close as possible.

Pulling away breathlessly, Buffy pressed her forehead to his before
speaking. “I just didn’t expect you to voluntarily go out and kill your own
kind.”

“I’ve been doing it for a while, luv,” he reminded her, keeping his tone
soft so she wouldn’t get worried that he was going to up and leave.

“I know,” she murmured, leaning back and watching her hands trace patterns
along his bare chest. “But I was always with you and I just didn’t think…”

Pulling her to him for a tender kiss, Spike let his lips gently brush along
hers for a moment that was too short for both of them. “I’m going to keep
you safe, Slayer.”

Seeing the pout form on her bottom lip, Spike had to chuckle. “What did I
say now?”

“You called me ‘Slayer’,” she muttered good-naturedly.

Quickly flipping them over on the bed, he felt his heart tighten when he
heard her faint giggle. “Forgive me, Goldilocks,” he murmured, pressing a
kiss to her shoulder. “Sweetheart,” he continued, kissing her neck.
“Buffy,” he whispered, sinking his blunt teeth into her throat, directly
over his previous marks and moaning when she automatically thrust against
him, craving his touch.

* * * * *

Screaming out her climax, Spike had to smile as he continued to plunge into
her with bruising force. Her hips eagerly met his, already feeling her
second orgasm begin to wash over her.

Not saying a word, Buffy grabbed the back of his neck, seeking relief from
the mounting tension. “I need it, Spike,” she moaned. Sensing his demon
come forth, she frantically pulled him closer to her, craving his touch.

Feeling Spike’s fangs slice into her neck as his hips continued to move with
hers, Buffy’s nails dragged along his back and arms, crying out with sheer
relief as her muscles practically strangled his cock. Loosening her grip on
the back of his neck, Buffy let her fingers play in the soft curls as she
gently kissed his shoulder. “I love you,” she whispered, smiling when he
moaned her name and immediately began pulsing inside of her.

Staying still for a long moment, Buffy listened to him gasp for air and her
smile widened.

“I thought you didn’t need to breathe,” she said in a soft voice.

Pulling back to look at her, Spike pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.
“Anytime I’m inside of you, pet, I think it’s safe to say that it’s damn
near impossible not to.”

Blushing and looking away, Spike couldn’t help but chuckle at how adorable
she was.

“I’m inside you right now, but you blush when I say the words?”

Avoiding his gaze for a moment, Buffy trembled in pleasure and contentment
when she felt his finger under her chin, tilting her head up to look at him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked in concern, moving off of her but never letting
his arms break contact with her body as he pulled her over to him.

“Nothing,” she said with a reassuring smile, snuggling into his chest and
sighing in contentment. “Nothing at all.”

Kissing the top of her head, Spike let his eyes drift shut before a slow
smile spread along his lips. “Looks like Angel knows we’ve made up, after
all.”

“Oh no, I completely forgot,” Buffy gasped, looking up at Spike with wide
eyes as he began chuckling.

“Don’t worry, luv,” he said with a smile. “He would never hurt the father
of his great-grandchild.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked as Spike raised an eyebrow at her.

“He’s my grandsire, meaning that my child-”

“Is his great-grandchild,” Buffy finished, her eyes widening. “Oh my God,
that is so demented,” she said, closing her eyes and laying down as Spike’s
laughter rang out through the room.
Chapter 40 – Cost of a Choice



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N Some of this dialogue belongs to Mere Smith and Joss Whedon- I’m simply borrowing it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



6 Months Later


“What are you doing?” Buffy asked, looking down at Spike’s head as he
pressed his ear to her swollen abdomen.

“What does it look like?” he retorted, looking up at her with a smile as she
affectionately ruffled his hair.

“Can you hear the baby?” she asked, giving him such a tender look that he
could have sworn he felt his heart beating.

“I can,” he murmured, sitting up to tuck a loose tendril of hair behind her
ear. “She’s moving a lot.”

“We don’t know if it’s a girl, Spike,” Buffy said.

Spike merely shrugged. “My opinion. And she’s going to be just like her
mum.”

Buffy smiled as she pushed herself to her feet and unconsciously placed her
hands on her belly.

“Where are we going, luv?” Spike asked, standing with her, his brow
furrowing in concern.

“I just need to stretch,” she said with a soft smile, rotating her arms and
walking toward the door.

“Outside?” Spike asked skeptically, feeling a sense of déjà vu wash over him
as an uneasy feeling crept up his spine.

“What’s wrong?”

“You said you wouldn’t patrol anymore,” he reminded her.

Buffy sighed, remembering how her mother and each one of her friends had
repeatedly lectured her over the past few months, ever since they found out
she was pregnant- and the initial shock had worn off.

“Did I say I was going to patrol?” Buffy asked, a little bit of irritation
creeping into her voice before turning and walking up the stairs.

“Buffy…”

Turning around when she was halfway up, she saw Spike’s worried gaze as he
followed her every step of the way. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I know
I’m being irritable lately. I’m just going to go change and I’ll be right
back down.”

Seeing the soft smile that graced his features before he turned back to the
living room, Buffy sighed in contentment before turning around. Not paying
enough attention, she gasped when her foot slipped on the hardwood, sending
her flying backwards. She never even had time to realize what happened as
everything went black.

* * * * *

“Buffy? Buffy!” Spike shouted, cradling her bruised body against his.

“I’m okay,” she said, pulling herself into a sitting position and frowning
when she looked around her living room, still hearing Spike’s voice calling
her name. “Spike?”

Turning around as she stood, Buffy gasped when she saw herself being held
against the man she loved. Panic began to flow through her as she stared at
her limp form before looking down and making sure that she was still
attached to her body- in one form or another.

“Your heart’s beating,” she heard him murmur to himself as he listened
intently to her. “And the baby’s is, too.”

Gently picking her up in his arms, Spike slowly moved her to the couch
before running for the phone and pressing the button to dial her Watcher.

Seeing a shadow circle the room, she tried to make herself snap out of the
shock she was in before gasping when a huge demon materialized in front of
her.

Immediately throwing her fist into his face, Buffy groaned when her
non-corporeal hand went right through him.

“I’m Skip,” he said, ignoring the punch and laughing when Buffy’s eyes
widened in shock at his cordial nature.

“Who are you? What the hell is going on?!”

“You have questions. I get that. And I'll answer them, too, but first we got
to get out of here.”

“But why? Here is good. I feel really comfortable here. I-I like here.”

“But you see, there is a slight problem- you don't belong here anymore.”

“Am I dead?” Buffy asked in apprehension.

“Not yet,” he replied. “But you will be very soon…unless you come with me.”

Glancing at Spike and seeing him reassuring Giles on the phone that there
was no sign of damage, aside from her being unconscious, Buffy hesitantly
turned back to the demon.

“I don't wanna die,” she whispered.

“So don't.”

Swallowing her doubts, Buffy took his hand, gasping when the world seemed to
spin before they ended up at the very empty Bronze.

“What are we doing here?” she asked, looking around the area and seeing a
television set up in the corner.

Following Skip as he walked toward it, Buffy frowned when she saw a pregnant
Darla lying in an alley with Angel holding her hand. Their lips moved, but
no sound could be heard.

“What is this?” Buffy asked, looking at the demon.

“This is the way it should have been…that was the baby that’s meant to be
born.”

“What do you want me to do about it?” she asked, shrugging her shoulders and
trying not to show how nervous she was with the unfamiliar situation.

“We want you to make it right. We want to start over.”

“Start over?”

“Correct things that should never have taken place.”

“Like what?” Buffy asked skeptically.

“You weren’t supposed to lose your hearing,” he said plainly.

“And why are you telling me this? Can’t the Powers that Whatever just fold
the fabric of time and send me back if that’s the way it’s supposed to be?”

“They can. But it has to be your request.”

“What changes?” she asked, wanting to hear what he had to say, knowing that
it would be impossible for her to let go of this life. “What’s in the other
‘reality’ that needs to happen?”

“I can’t tell you,” Skip replied, shaking his head.

“So show me,” she replied, gesturing toward the TV. “You expect me to just
go along with this without having any idea what I’m going up against? I
don’t think so.”

With a sigh, Skip turned toward the monitor, snapping his fingers and letting the image of a pretty brunette eating Jell-O take up the screen. “You would get a sister,” he said vaguely as Buffy watched the girl speaking with her in what must have been an alternate reality.

“I would get a sister?” Buffy asked in disbelief.

“A girl who you were meant to protect.”

Buffy folded her arms over her chest, narrowing her eyes. “And why would
this take place in a ‘different’ reality and not take place in this one?”

“Because you weren’t strong enough to protect her in this one. You were
vulnerable at the time that she was meant to be brought to you. She was
turned into something else in this reality, but she was formerly a ball of
energy for you to protect or else it would cause the end of the world.”

“And apparently she’s fine, ‘cause hey, no apocalypse. What else would
change?”

“Just…little things,” he said vaguely.

“And why do I not believe you?” Buffy asked, her jaw tightening. “What do I
lose?”

“Why do you think you’d lose something?”

“I’m not making a decision until I know exactly what I’m walking into,” she
said, looking back at the screen and frowning when she saw her mother lying
in a hospital bed as she and her ‘sister’ sat beside her, talking and
obviously trying to be cheerful.

Looking around in confusion, Buffy focused her gaze back on the demon.
“What’s going on?” she asked. “Mom’s sick? If she is, why wouldn’t she be
sick now?”

Quickly snapping his fingers to erase the images that she wasn’t supposed to
see, Skip could tell the Slayer wasn’t going to back down. “Because the
energy that was used to ‘create’ your sister, would have affected her in a
not-so-positive way,” he mumbled in a low voice.

“So let me get this straight,” Buffy said slowly. “I would get a ball of
energy as my sister, my mother would be sick and I wouldn’t be having this
baby?”

“No. That prophecy would be designed for a different Slayer. You’re not
meant to have this baby, and if you continue this pregnancy to full term,
you’ll die.”

“Apparently this baby is meant for me,” she snapped, choosing to ignore his
last statement for the time being. “Considering the baby is inside me right
now.”

“You have to realize that because of the temporal shift, the ‘imbalance’ if
you will, things were put in place that shouldn’t have been.”

“I wouldn’t be with Spike,” she murmured in comprehension, raising an
eyebrow.

“I can’t tell you that. It could very well be what happens.”

“But not in the relationship that I have now,” Buffy said with an
understanding nod. “I don’t have to be a genius to figure it out. I’d find
out that he loves me and I’d use him. I remember my exact feelings toward
him before I lost my hearing. So my answer is no.”

“Did you not hear what I just said?” Skip asked in confusion. “If you keep
this baby, you’re going to die.”

“I’m going to die anyway,” Buffy said with a resigned smile as she shook her
head. “At least this way, my death will have a purpose. I’m not going to
give up whatever precious time that I have with the man I love to go back
and be the person I was supposed to be. I like the person that I am now. I
have a purpose. I have a child who means more to me than anything and I
will not trade this baby for any promises that you might want to give me.”

“I respect what you're trying to do. It's noble and heroic, and all that
other Russell Crowe 'Gladiator' crap.”

“You've seen…”

“Didn't love it. The fact remains that you’re not strong enough to have this
baby! Period. I can’t change that.”

“Then don’t,” she replied quietly. “I know my purpose in this world and it
includes this baby. My answer is no.”

Skip sighed, looking at the stubborn Slayer for a long moment. “It was an
honor being your guide, Buffy Summers.”

Buffy gasped when a blue light seemed to explode around her before she
bolted upright, looking around frantically and seeing that she was sitting
on her couch.

“Buffy!”

Feeling herself enveloped in a strong embrace, she clutched at Spike as if
he were her lifeline.

“Are you okay?” he asked, pulling away to look at her, his hands cupping her
cheeks as he stared at her.

“I’m fine,” she said, offering him a weak smile.

“Giles is on his way. I…I didn’t know what to do,” he said in a choked
voice.

“Spike, I’m okay,” she whispered, pressing a tender kiss to his lips and
fighting the tears that were burning her eyes. Now was not the time to tell
him about the newest revelation in her life.


tbc
 

Chapter 41 – Breaking the News


Buffy sat at the dining room table, wringing her hands together as she
nervously looked from her mother to Giles and finally Spike. The shock and
disbelief was plainly visible on all of their faces, and Buffy was suddenly
feeling guilty for not keeping this little bit of news to herself. These
people were her family and she didn’t expect them to take the news of her
impending death lightly, but the silence that hung in the air was making her
more uneasy.

“No,” Spike finally said, standing up and angrily shoving his chair away
before walking to the window and staring blankly outside. She could hear
the emotion coating the single word and another piece of her heart felt like
it was being chipped away as she watched the man she loved.

Slowly getting up from the table, Buffy walked over to the blonde and gently
ran her hand along his back, doing what she could to soothe him.

“Spike?” she whispered, wishing that he would turn around and face her.

“I just got you, Buffy,” he said in such a soft voice she almost didn’t hear
him, never tearing his eyes away from the view of her front yard. “I can’t
lose you now…not when…”

Hearing the tears in his voice, Buffy left her hand gently resting on his
back before she turned around when she heard her mother’s voice.

“Isn’t there anything we can do?” Joyce asked tearfully.

“I know this isn’t the news you were expecting, but this baby is so
important. I need your help getting through this,” she whispered in a
choked voice. Seeing the tears streaming down her mother’s cheeks and Giles
hiding his watery eyes all while feeling Spike’s pain was nearly her
undoing.

“No, you don’t,” Spike said, turning around to see the shocked face of the
woman he loved.

“What?”

“You’re not dying, Slayer,” he said with a hard edge to his voice that left
little room for argument.

“Spike-”

“Don’t you remember what the green guy said?” he asked in exasperation,
recalling their visit to Los Angeles several months ago.

“Lorne?”

“He said not to trust anyone toward the end.”

“He said not to take someone’s advice,” Buffy replied gently, running her
hand along his cheek. “I didn’t. I’m still here. I chose death over being
able to live everything again and I think it’s the right decision.”

“No, it bloody well isn’t!” Spike shouted, angrily swatting her hand away
and vaguely noticing her Watcher and mother standing up as he advanced on
Buffy, his emotions overwrought and taking control. “This wasn’t just your
decision to make! There are other people, other factors to consider,” he
said through clenched teeth, gesturing toward Giles and Joyce. “Did you not
think of what losing you would do to us? Your friends, your family…me?” he
finished in a soft whisper, his eyes reflecting the amount of pain he was
feeling.

“Spike,” she said softly, trying to get through to him. “If the decision
belonged to everyone, the demon wouldn’t have expelled me from my own body
to try and make a deal with me. He would have involved the people I love.”

“Not if he’s trying to trick you!”

“If he was, I didn’t fall for it,” she said gently, looking directly into
his eyes.

“Spike,” Giles finally spoke up, slowly approaching the grief-stricken
vampire. “We need to calm down and think rationally about this.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Spike asked, spinning around angrily to face
Giles. “Am I supposed to choose between my child and the woman I love?”

“No,” Buffy said quietly, causing his eyes to immediately settle on her.
Seeing Giles gently take Joyce by the arm and quietly slip out of the room,
she continued, “Because it’s not your decision.”

“Buffy-”

“Spike, I love you,” she whispered, her voice shaking as more tears came to
her eyes, letting her hand caress his cheek. “I will always love you. But
this is what I have to do.”

“No,” he said quietly, shaking his head. “No, it’s not. It’s madness.
They can’t expect you to willingly sacrifice yourself so this baby can be
born.”

“But I am,” she said softly. “They can expect it because it’s what I’m
doing. Spike, if my death means that our baby can be born and live to save
the world…then I’m dying for the best possible cause.”

“I can’t lose you,” he whispered.

“We knew this would happen,” she said, trying to control her tears. “It’s
just a little faster than we expected. But you’ll go on…you’ll live.”

“No,” he said, shaking his head as tears streamed down his cheeks. “I
won’t. I can’t, not without you.”

“You will,” she whispered, taking his hand in hers. “You have to protect
our child. You have to protect her…I need you to live on. I need you to
make sure she’s safe…you have to.”

Wrapping his arms around her, Spike clung to the woman he loved as a choked
sob was ripped from his throat. For the first time since her pregnancy, he
took little care with her, holding on with such force that Buffy could feel
the desperation he was feeling seep into her.

“I love you so much,” she murmured, feeling her own tears spill over as her
hand ran along the soft hair at the back of his neck, trying to relax him as
much as she could. “You have to be strong for me, Spike…will you do that
for me?”

Pulling away to look at her with glistening eyes, Spike nodded. “I will,”
he whispered, running his hands along her face and arms, reassuring himself
that she was still there. That she wasn’t gone. “I love you.”

Resting her forehead against his, Buffy sighed, closing her eyes and
reveling in the few precious moments of contentment they were allowed to
share.

“You said ‘her’,” he said softly after a moment, causing Buffy to look at
him with a look of curiosity.

“What?”

“The baby…you said ‘her’.”

Snuggling into his arms again, she smiled. “I figured it has to be a
girl…you’re so adamant about it that I’m sure you wouldn’t have it any
other way.”

She could practically feel Spike smile as he nodded. “I always get what I
want,” he said softly, sighing when Buffy pulled him even closer.



Chapter 42 – Prophecy Girl


Solemnly watching as a nurse fluttered around the room, checking equipment
and making notes on a clipboard, Spike ran his hand over his eyes, pinching
the bridge of his nose. Seeing Buffy biting her bottom lip out of the
corner of his eye, he wordlessly reached out and grabbed her hand, waiting
to be alone with her.

At nearly nine months pregnant, Buffy had woken up that morning with the
feeling of water gushing from her and a sense of hope and remorse warring
inside of her. It had been the shortest few months of her life. It was decided
that Willow, Xander, Tara, and Anya shouldn’t know of the complications in her
pregnancy, leaving Buffy to say goodbye to them in her own private way.

After a short discussion, Giles, Joyce and Spike had decided that Spike
would move into the Summers’ house, being there for Buffy and having Joyce’s
support with the baby…after.

Buffy had somberly listened to the plans involving the birth of her child
and had stayed quiet throughout the discussions. Her only request was that
they not decorate the nursery. She didn’t think she could remain strong if
she walked by the room everyday and was constantly reminded that she
couldn’t be a part of what comes next.

She had spent numerous hours with Giles and Joyce, but the majority of her
time was spent with Spike, trying to forget that she didn’t have much longer
with him. He had been her pillar of support when she thought she would
crack, always helping her forget…until today.

Lying in a hospital bed, Buffy watched the nurse leave the room and stared
at the doctor who entered, telling her that everything looked good and she
should be ready to push within the hour.

Seeing the distressed look on Spike’s face, Buffy tightened her hold on his
hand before turning back to the doctor.

“Can we have a minute?” she asked the doctor.

Seeing the need in the young woman’s eyes, he nodded and left the room,
shutting the door behind him.

Both stayed quiet for several long moments, staring at their clasped hands
and not knowing what to say.

“I don’t know how this works,” Buffy whispered, finally raising her eyes to
his. “I don’t know if I’ll even get to see her.”

“Don’t,” he murmured, his voice laced with pain.

“I have to,” she replied softly. “I need you to know how much I love you,
Spike.”

“Buffy-”

“Please,” she whispered tearfully. “Please tell me that you know that I
love you.”

Slowly nodding, Spike closed his eyes against the tears. “I know, luv.”

“I’ve said goodbye to everyone,” she said quietly, feeling his body tighten
as if it was trying to ward off what she was about to say. “But I don’t
know how to say goodbye to you.”

“Then don’t,” he whispered, tears falling freely as he watched her. “Fight
it. Don’t give in to this- you’re better than that.”

“It’s what I have to do, Spike. You’ll be a wonderful father,” she said
with a watery smile. “A year ago, I wouldn’t have believed any of this,
but…but it was meant to happen.”

“I don’t want to do this without you,” he pleaded with her, bringing her
hand to his lips and pressing a tender kiss to the back of it. “I don’t
think I can do this without you.”

“You can,” she said with a nod, hoping her voice was sounding somewhat
reassuring. “You’ll have plenty of help. Mom and Giles trust you and
they’ll be there to help with everything.”

“I want you there.”

“I will be,” she murmured, feeling her stomach dropping with emotion. “I’ll
always be with you.”

He couldn’t believe that these might be his last few moments with the woman
he loved. Her heartbeat was so strong- he couldn’t imagine it fading away
in the course of a few minutes or hours.

“You love me?” she asked tearfully.

“Since I first saw you,” he said in a choked voice. “I’ve never loved
anyone more.”

Tears continued to stream down his cheeks as he ran a hand over her stomach,
feeling the baby move in response to the light pressure. Staring at her
belly for a moment, Spike closed his eyes, tightening his jaw when his
thoughts drifted.

“You should have staked me when you had the chance,” he said in agony.

“What are you talking about?” Buffy asked, looking at him with a shocked
expression.

“It’s my fault…if we’d never…”

“Spike,” she whispered, running her hand along his cheek. “If it wasn’t for
you, we wouldn’t have this,” she said, putting her other hand on top of his
as the baby moved. “We truly created a miracle together,” she said with a
smile. “No regrets.”

Nodding slightly, Spike’s jaw tightened as he tried to fight against his
emotions. “No regrets,” he murmured, closing his eyes against the pain.

* * * * *

“One more push, Buffy,” the doctor said in an excited voice.

Meeting Spike’s gaze, Buffy squeezed his hand before closing her eyes in
pain as she gave a final push. Letting her head fall against the pillow in
relief, she gasped for air, feeling the tears streaming down her cheeks as
the baby’s cry rang out through the room.

“It’s a girl,” the doctor said with a smile, placing her on Buffy’s stomach
while they clamped the umbilical cord.

Seeing Spike gazing in wonder at their daughter, she felt her eyes drifting
shut in exhaustion.

“Buffy?”

“Yeah,” she murmured weakly, opening her eyes and seeing the nurses weighing
her daughter and cleaning her as much as they could.

“See?” he said with a hopeful smile, keeping his voice low so it wouldn’t
carry in the huge room. “Everything’s fine.”

But it wasn’t.

Buffy could feel the pain weighing her down. She could feel her heartbeat
slowing and seeing the panicked look on Spike’s face, she knew he could
sense it, too.

Catching a glimpse of the baby girl as they wheeled her out of the room and
toward the nursery, the doctor motioned to her that he would be back in a
moment, leaving them alone.

“We did it,” she murmured, her eyes already becoming heavy.

“Buffy…”

Spike trailed off, listening intently to her heart and hearing the slow,
rhythmic pace as it slowed to half the speed that it should have been.

“I love you,” she whispered, feeling the exhaustion take over.

“No,” Spike said, shaking his head. “No! Don’t you do it! Damn it, Buffy,
don’t you leave me!” Grabbing her hand in both of his, Spike felt his
resolve crumbling as he began crying. “You can’t,” he said in a choked
whisper. “You can’t leave me.”

He felt his heart shatter when her heartbeat faded away, leaving a void of nothing in its wake.

“No!”

Tears streamed down his face as he held her hand, clutching at the last link
that he had to the woman he loved.

“I love you too much,” he whispered, his shoulders shaking with his sobs.
“Please, Buffy. I can’t do this without you…I can’t go on without you.”

“Well, you don’t have to be all dramatic about it.”

Slowly raising his eyes at the sound of the soft voice, Spike’s eyes widened
when he saw the green eyes staring back at him. Listening frantically for a
heartbeat, his mouth dropped open when he didn’t hear one. “W-what’s going
on?”

“I guess somebody up there likes me,” she whispered, bringing his hands over
her stomach and resting her other hand on top of them and letting her eyes
close again, still drained from the earlier ordeal.

“B-but how? You’re alive, but I don’t hear anything.”

“I don’t know,” she said weakly, needing more rest than her short death
allowed.

Spinning around when he heard the soft knock on the door, Spike looked at
Joyce’s worried expression as she stared at her quiet daughter.

“Is she-”

“I…she…you better tell Giles to come in,” Spike said, feeling a sense of
relief and gratitude wash over him.

* * * * *

Two hours later, Buffy’s hospital room was filled with her friends and
family. Xander and Willow stood in shock while Giles recounted what had
transpired over the past few months.

Buffy and Spike only listened with half an ear as they stared at their
daughter, cocooned safely in Buffy’s arms. Spike was settled next to her on
the bed, his arms wrapped around his girls as he smiled at the baby who
opened her large blue eyes and stared at them in wonder, seconds before she
began fussing for milk.

Offering her the bottle that the hospital supplied, Buffy looked up at the
sound of the door opening and had to smile when Lorne walked in.

“Make way, make way,” he announced, his eyes settling on the happy family.
“Look at this picture,” he said with a smile, opening his arms as if he
wanted to hug all of them. “Isn’t that the most perfect thing you’ve ever
seen?”

Seeing Angel walk in behind Lorne, Buffy offered him a tentative smile
before turning her attention back to the baby.

“A little birdie told me that you need some help figuring out what mystical
occurrence has happened now,” Lorne said, walking closer to the bed. “Sing
for me, sugar.”

Glancing around the room, Buffy’s gaze settled back on the tiny bundle
before a soft smile played on her face.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are
gray. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my
sunshine away.”

All eyes were on the green demon when Buffy finished the short verse.
Spike’s hold on her tightened, preparing himself for what was to come.

“Well, it’s fairly simple,” Lorne began, glancing around the room. “The
baby is immortal.”

“Excuse me?” Buffy asked, her brow furrowed in confusion.

“Well, I really shouldn’t be telling you this, because certain things are
more fun to discover as you go along, but what the heck. The little pumpkin
is going to be the savior of humanity. She’ll officially be eighteen
forever…once she reaches that age, of course.”

“But that still doesn’t explain why Buffy has no heartbeat,” Giles spoke up.

“Think about it sweetie,” Lorne said with a smile. “The daughter is going
to live forever, the father is going to live forever and to ensure that this
little crumb cake does save humanity, she’s going to need strong warriors on
her side…for the long haul. And who’s a stronger warrior than our girl, here?”

“Good lord,” Giles muttered, frantically wiping his glasses. “Both parents
have to stay alive in order to keep her alive.”

“In a nutshell,” Lorne said with a kind smile. “The human body is not meant
to last that long. The Powers had to kill you, to an extent, so they could
take away most of the functions that make you human. You’re still very much
human,” he continued, seeing the worried look on Buffy’s face. “You just
have a lot less to worry about now.”

Hearing the sound of the door, everyone turned their attention to the nurse
who seemed surprised to see so many people crammed in the small room.
“Visiting hours are over,” she said. Her gaze lingered on Lorne for a
moment before he gave her a winning smile that sent her scurrying out of the
room.

“We’ll see you later,” Willow said, leaning down to give the baby and her
friend a kiss on the head, hesitating for a moment before doing the same to
Spike. Buffy had to giggle at his shocked expression.

“We’ll stop by tomorrow, Buffster,” Xander said, giving her a soft smile
before leaving.

“See you later, cupcake.”

“Bye, Lorne,” Buffy said. “Thanks for making the trip.”

“Wouldn’t miss it. I knew that baby would be a knockout with you two in the
gene pool.”

Buffy’s gaze slowly fell on Angel, who hadn’t said anything since he showed
up, and now seemed to be locked in a staring contest with Spike. “Angel?”

“Congratulations, Buffy,” he said with a soft smile. It slowly faded when
he saw her hopeful expression. “Fine,” he muttered. “You too, Spike.”

“Thanks, Gramps,” he said with a grin, earning him an elbow in the ribs and
an innocent look from Buffy.

Watching the door close, Buffy smiled when Giles hesitantly approached the
bed. “May I?” he asked, gesturing toward the baby.

“Of course,” she said softly, gently handing the baby to her surrogate
father.

Joyce eagerly cooed over the little girl as Giles turned toward her.
“What’s her name?” he asked after a moment.

Exchanging a look, Spike gave Buffy a tender smile before answering.
“Kelley Allayna.”

“Warrior of the light,” Giles said with a soft smile, looking at the baby in
his arms. “How appropriate.”

Spike and Buffy exchanged a look before Buffy turned back to Giles. “Is
there anything you don’t know?” she asked in playful exasperation.

“Very little,” he replied with a joking smile.

Buffy eagerly snuggled closer to Spike, relaxing when she felt his arms wrap
securely around her as he brushed a tender kiss along her forehead. He
glanced at the ‘grandparents’ and noticed they were too absorbed with the
baby to pay attention to them. “You’re amazing.”

“Only because I have you.”





Chapter 43 – A Lifetime of Happiness


“She’s crying,” Spike murmured, gently kissing Buffy’s shoulder.

“My turn?” she asked with a yawn.

With a gentle smile, he shook his head. “I just got in,” he whispered.
“I’ll go.”

“You’re the best,” she mumbled, waking up a little bit more and peeking at
Spike out of one eye. “Any action tonight?”

Spike chuckled as he climbed out of bed. “You know it, baby. Four
propositions in two hours.”

“They better be dust before they try and tempt you with those propositions,”
she replied, suddenly waking up a little bit more as jealousy flooded
through her.

Leaning over and brushing a tender kiss across her forehead, Spike looked
Buffy directly in the eyes, making sure she saw the sincerity and
truthfulness in his gaze.

“No one could ever tempt me, luv,” he whispered, letting his fingertips
caress her cheek. “You’re all the temptation I can handle.”

Buffy smiled gratefully, watching Spike walk out the door and across the
hall to the nursery. Closing her eyes, she tried to let some much-needed
sleep wash over her. Becoming more aware of Spike and their daughter, she
had to smile when she heard him singing softly in the next room.

Pushing herself into a sitting position, she slowly climbed out of bed.

When Buffy had been discharged from the hospital, Spike had promptly driven
them to an apartment complex, not far from Joyce’s house. Buffy had been
thrilled that they had a place of their own, not wanting to be a burden for
her mother. The apartment was small, but they didn’t need much space and it
allowed them to still have a little space from the baby at night, while
being close to her at the same time.

Walking across the hall, a smile lit up her face as she watched Spike gently
rock the baby girl back and forth. Seeing Buffy in the doorway, he gave her
a wink before continuing the soothing motions.

Watching Kelley slowly close her eyes, she smiled as Spike carried her over
to the small cradle, gently laying her down. Pressing a kiss to his
fingers, her heart swelled when she watched him brush his fingertips across
the baby’s cheek. “Sweet dreams, princess,” he whispered.

Walking toward Buffy, he could see the tears in her eyes and wrapped his
arms around her waist, pulling her toward him and leaving a searing kiss on
her lips. “I wanted you…to get some sleep,” he said, pressing his forehead
to hers.

“What can I say? I could never resist a man with a baby.”

Spike growled low in his throat, picking Buffy up and carrying her to their
bedroom in the small apartment. “I better be the only man you can’t
resist,” he said in a husky whisper.

“You know you are,” she murmured, feeling a thrill rush through her as he
stared at her through lust-filled eyes.

Playing with the sash of her satin robe, a slow smirk came over Spike’s
lips. “Can I unwrap my present now?” he asked in a seductive whisper.

“Have you been a good boy?” Buffy teased.

“Always,” he said with a smile. “What’s underneath, Goldilocks?”

Letting the robe float to the floor, Spike felt his mouth go dry at the
sight of her bronzed, toned body in front of him.

“Is it safe?” he asked in a choked voice. “It’s only been a few weeks.”

“It’s safe,” she said in a reassuring voice. “Slayer healing, remember?”

A look of relief crossed his face before he nodded.

“I love you,” he whispered, letting his hand trail along her arm as he
guided her toward the bed.

“I love you, too,” she said with a soft smile, sitting down on the bed and
immediately working on his belt as he pulled his shirt over his head.

Shoving his pants down his legs, Buffy licked her lips and suppressed a
giggle when Spike groaned at the glimpse of her tongue peeking out. Sitting
back to admire his naked body for a moment, she let her hands gently run
along his muscular legs, trailing upward until they rested on his narrow
hips.

Leaning forward, she gently let her tongue trail along the tip of his hard
shaft, gasping when he pushed her back on the bed and entered her in one
swift movement. Gripping his shoulders and letting her muscles constrict
around him, she smiled when Spike moaned.

Wrapping her arms around him, she pulled him closer to her as they began to
hesitantly move together. Pushing into her, Buffy felt her stomach tighten
when his hips met hers. Meeting each gentle thrust, she’d never felt her
need for him spiral out of control so fast. This was the first time they’d
made love since the baby was born and the relief that she felt was
immeasurable. Her mind was no longer wondering if this could be the last
time they would be together, because it wasn’t…it was the first. It was the
first time she could freely be with him and not have to worry about what
could happen the next day.

She felt him kiss along her jaw and down her neck, causing her breath to
catch in her throat. Raising her hips to meet his, she moaned when he
thrust harder inside of her, causing her body to nearly lose control.

Spike could feel his mark calling to him. He could feel the craving in her
body as she silently called for him to claim what was his. Cradling her
body to his, he gently licked the area around the mark, smiling against her
skin when Buffy thrust upward, becoming more frantic for any kind of
release.

“Please,” she murmured, her eyes closed as waves of pleasure seemed to wash
over her with every movement he made.

Not waiting to be asked twice, Spike eagerly plunged his fangs into her neck,
taking a large swallow of her blood and feeling the power flow through him.
Buffy moaned, curling her body up to meet his, wanting as much contact as he
could give her. Feeling his fangs leave her neck, she gasped and shook her
head.

Grabbing the back of his neck, she guided him back to his mark.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered.

“You won’t,” Buffy replied in a quiet voice, seeing stars explode behind her
eyes when his fangs cut into her throat for the second time.

Holding her close to him as he pulled on her blood, Spike thrust his hips
against hers, ripping his mouth away from her skin when her muscles
tightened around him as she bit his shoulder to muffle her scream. Pulsing
deep inside of her, Spike stayed still for a long moment, looking into her
eyes as they shined with love, so much love and affection he could have sworn
he felt his heart beat.

“You’re mine,” Buffy whispered, a small smile playing on her lips as her
hand gently traced the sharp contours of his cheekbones.

“And you’re mine,” he replied, leaning forward to give her a tender kiss
that quickly escalated in passion. “Always.”

“Forever,” she whispered, settling more comfortably against him.

It wasn’t over, it may never be over. There would be challenges and trials to face in the coming years, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter what was in their past or how they had
become the people they were meant to be. The only thing that was important
was who they were now. Because when she was with him, she’d never felt more
alive.

A sliver of happiness is better than a lifetime of loneliness and a lifetime
of happiness is something to never stop looking for.





THE END







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A/N More than 1600 reviews on two sites- you guys are amazing!!!! Thanks to everyone who supported this story and stuck with it until the end. I cannot express how grateful I am to all of you! I have no immediate plans for a sequel, but if anyone has any ideas, feel free to e-mail me or post them on my LJ and I’ll try and come up with something. I have several stories in the works, but I appreciate any ideas that are offered (and will give credit, if I use your idea, of course). Thank you!




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A/N Only one more chapter to go, you guys! And I can’t thank you enough for your loyalty to this story!


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