Chapter Twelve

 

“Mr. G-Giles, I th-think it might be a g-good idea if Buffy, Spike and I could b-be alone to talk a-a-about what we saw.”  Tara was the only one of the three able to take control at that point; Buffy curled up in Spike’s arms, sobbing like a child into his shoulder.  The complete surrender of her body was enough to show all in the room that their strong warrior had seen something so hideous that she was having trouble reconciling it with the present.  Her choked weeping garnered sympathy from all her supporters and they gathered in a huddle together, conversing about any trivial thing they could think of to take a little pressure off the small group.  It did not go unnoticed by Angel and Willow that the other two occupants looked as devastated and shell-shocked as the crumpled blonde, but hadn’t yet let go to their grief.

 

“Of course, Tara.  I think it might be best if we all head to the Espresso Pump for a coffee or something.  We will meet you back here in an hour or so.”

 

By silent consent they all rose to their feet and quietly made steady exit until all was quiet bar Buffy’s hiccuping attempts for control.  She reached over and gave Tara a hug, one of thanks but also from a need to express before it was too late.  Tears again pooled in her eyes and she raised herself from the floor to walk around the room, hoping for some form of distraction to pull her out of her spiralling depression.  Nobody said anything for a while, could say anything, and Buffy felt guilt begin to well inside.  Here she was sobbing with abandon when Tara was to soon lose her life, and she was to destroy emotionally the one man who had ever cared enough for her to show true courage and heroism.

 

“I s’pose there’s no need to worry about unguarded moments of happiness then.”  He meant it as a joke, an attempt to lighten the doom suffocating the human occupants of the room: girls, and ones he was to come to have real, and honourable respect for.  Tara just looked at him confused, having not heard the story of Angel and his here one minute, gone the next soul problem.  He knew things were dire when Buffy didn’t even crack a smile.  She dropped to her knees before him, arms wrapped protectively about herself and face glistening wet with sorrow.

 

“Nothing I ever did for you in the future could explain your devotion to me.  I don’t deserve you.  Now that you know what happens in the future you have choices.  You did all those things out of love,  showing devotion to me when I treated you like garbage.  You could choose right now to leave us all behind and never come back.  It wasn’t getting your soul that caused the apocalypse.  You don’t have to hang around and wait for that to happen.”  He reached out and took her hand as her voice broke, revealing her great pain, for once inspiring her to resort to words instead of misleading actions.  “But if there is any part of you,” she halted, trying to regain control over her voice as she brought the palm of his hand to rest gently against her cheek.  “Just a little part of you that might think we could change that, and make it better between us,” the tears now heavy in her voice, “then please stay with me.”  And she started crying anew.  As a newcomer Tara was unaware of all the little histories bouncing about, but Spike knew what it cost her to make the plea, to ask him to be different to Peaches.

 

“Can you let him go, Slayer?  Ever?”  Spike cocked a brow almost in disbelief.  There was only a beginning here, but even the violence, her apathetic response to his continued pain, her rejections over and over again, weren’t enough to make him want to forget her and get out of town.  Already he couldn’t part from her, and the idea that he and she were joined in some elemental way seemed reinforced in his mind.

 

“I don’t know, but please let me try?  Please Spike, give me the chance?”  She would plead as much as she dared, knowing in her heart that there could never be anyone but him for her, but not yet ready to tell him that he was wrong to disbelieve her in the Hellmouth, that she spoke the truth.  And this time she would fight for him.  With his answering nod and smirk she realised that she had been holding her breath and she gasped in lungfuls of air in her joy and relief.  Their eyes clashed with an intensity of feeling, and a little splash of burgeoning desire, but first came realisation and concern for Tara.  As one they turned and gathered her close, recognising the glassiness of her eyes and the shock that was seeping into her posture still tethered to the floor.

 

“Tara,” Buffy whispered, not wanting to startle her.  “We know so much, we can change it.  We will change it.”  The girl slowly returned to her senses and nodded to them with a barely perceptible smile.

 

“I think, after all this, I-I might get W-Willow to do a f-f-forgetting spell on me.  I don’t want to know that I die.  I don’t want Willow to know.”

 

Buffy snorted, a little of her usual banter reaching to reclaim her spirit. 

 

“Really behind you on the keeping Willow in the dark.  Well, except for the dark magic, which we so want to steer her away from.  Bad witchy Willow.  Better remember to keep her away from resurrection spells too, huh!  Who’d a thought?  Me, heaven!”  She gave a little laugh before seeing the bewildered glances of the other two.

 

“Where’d ya think a Child of Light would end up, pet, if not in heaven?”

 

“Huh!  Never thought about it, I guess.”  And her smile was radiant as she beamed at her vampire.  “So.”  The huskiness in her voice called forth every goose pimple his skin could summons.  “Like you said, no need to be on the look out for too much happiness.”  She crawled forward and gently pulled his bottom lip between her own, sucking gently on it before releasing it to a very turned on Vampire.

 

“You’re a tease pet, that’s what you are!”  She winked before making sure she had the attention of the third member or their trio.

 

“It won’t be the same, just remember that.”  She had to impress it again, needed to remain on the lookout.  She had back-up, she had warning, no one would be lost on her watch, and with Spike and the Scoobies behind her, she wouldn’t even lose herself  “Just remember that returning Spike’s soul to him now, in the past, is a reward.  Not just for him, but for all of us.  We have a chance to change the future, and I think we can agree that what we saw was definitely a future needing a big save.  Are we down for that?”  At the two agreeable nods she clapped her hands together in relief, then mischief entered her gaze and she turned once again to Tara.

 

“So, you and Willow are like, gay?”