A Dawn ficlet that I wrote for 12monthsofbtvs on Live Journal.

Thanks to alwaysjbj  for the title and beta to this fic.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I own nothing, Joss is God. If you sue me I will pay you with belly-button fluff and pocket lint.
 

 Heart to Heart

She lay curled on the ground, the soft earth pressing coolly into her hand.  Somewhere in the back of her mind she registered the fact that small blades of grass were pressing at her skin.  Dawn suppressed a small sob; time was passing, slipping by in a blur of smothering concern and aching loneliness.  

Sitting up Dawn brushed the stray pieces of earth from her face before running her fingers lightly over the inscription on the stone before her.  “So do you like it?” she asked softly. “The others didn’t really want it but I told them they had to put it there.” She traced the words before her once more, ‘She saved the world a lot’.  Dawn gave a soft laugh, “You did, you know.  All the time, without everyone knowing; and they should.  They should all know.”  Dawn pressed a soft kiss against the cool stone.

“I miss you.  More than I miss mom I think.  Do you think that’s because I still had you after mom…died?”  She thought for a moment, “I thought losing mom was the worst thing that could ever happen.  I was wrong.”  Dawn moved to lie on her back staring at the blue sky above her.

“It’s so peaceful here; quiet, away from everyone else.  Is it nice where you are?”  Dawn closed her eyes and let the warmth of the day wash over her, pretending for a moment that she was surrounded by her family once more.  “I really wish we could have let you be next to mom, but the others said that no one can know that you’re gone or they’ll take me away.”

Dawn frowned, puzzling over her thoughts, “They. Who are they?  It’s such an abstract saying don’t you think?  I mean, I know that it’s Social Services but to say it like that.  It makes it seem less real.”

“I went back to school today. Giles had told everyone that there had been a death in the family, only not that it was you.  To everyone else you’re still alive and well.”  Dawn’s hands curled unconsciously into the earth, “I hate the Bot!  In your room, wearing your things, pretending to be you.”  She rolled onto her side, “Spike hates it too.  It’s strange he made it because he wanted to be with you and now he can’t stand the sight of it.  He won’t even be in the same room as it.”

“He looks after me, says he promised you.  He gets real scared sometimes, he doesn’t show it, but I can tell.  It’s kinda this look he gets… in his eyes. You know what I mean don’t you?”  Dawn began to randomly pluck small blades of grass from the earth, “That’s why I don’t come at night anymore.  Spike would get worried.”

Dawn suddenly sprang up, twisting around to sit cross legged facing the cool marble before her, bending low she began to whisper, “He’s here you know, over in the thick trees, watching to make sure I’m ok.  He really shouldn’t risk being out in the daylight but I can’t stop him.”

Straightening up she raised her voice once again, “I borrowed your cream shirt the other day, the one with the frilly sleeves.  I spilt some juice on it.”  A small tear slid down her cheek, “I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to be closer to you.  Willow was going to magic the stain out but Tara said she could get it out in the wash.  I mean it can’t be as hard to get out as blood… can it?”

“Willow and Tara live at the house now; they moved in to look after me.  It’s strange having them there.  I mean Tara’s great, kinda like a mom, in a way.  It’s not like having mom back or even you, but its nice.  Having someone who cares, you know?” Dawn cocked her head to the side frowning, “Willow’s strange, though, everything is spells and magic and sometimes the weirdest smells come out of her room.  And sometimes I feel like she’s looking at me like it’s all my fault.  You being gone I mean.”

“I think most of them do, blame me, that is.  Well Giles, Willow and Xander do.  Tara is really good and I don’t think Anya really cares and Spike …” Dawn let her voice trail away, “Spike seems to think it’s his job to make sure everyone is ok.  He doesn’t show it, but he won’t let anyone patrol alone, and he looks after me when the gang need to research, or things like that.”

Dawn tilted her face towards the sky, “What’s it like?  Where you are?  I guess you’re with mom, right?  So that means that you’re happy?  Do you miss me?  Does mom?  I miss you both so much.  Sometimes I think I’ll die from the pain, that the great big ache inside will just keep growing until it swallows me whole and I don’t exist anymore. Then other times, I’m kinda happy. Tara said it was ok for me to be happy, that you wouldn’t want me to grieve forever.  But it feels kinda wrong, you know?  To be happy when you and mom are gone.”

Dawn leant forward and kissed the cool marble once more, “Well I better get going, Spike’ll combust if I stay out any longer.  I’ll come visit again in a few days. Ok?”

Slowly Dawn rose to her feet, absently brushing at her clothes before she made her way towards the thick trees nearby.

“All finished, Bit?”

“Yep,” Dawn let herself be folded into Spike’s reassuring embrace.

“Lets get you home then.”

“Ok.” Dawn stepped away from Spike, looking back towards the solitary grave, “Do you think she knows?  That I visit I mean.  Do you think she hears what I tell her?”

“Your sis loved you, Niblet. She protected you with her life; you honestly think she’d stop watchin’ over you now?  Slayer’s up there right now with your mum, complaining about me lettin’ you skip school and threatenin’ to stake me if I do it again.”

Dawn giggled, “Well at least she can’t punch you in the nose anymore.”  She tugged on Spike’s hand, “I’ll meet you at home, have fun in the sewers.” Dawn gave him a backwards wave as she stepped back out into the afternoon sun.

The End