Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own all the characters contained within. I hold no claim on them.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Set during Buffy versus Dracula and then goes seriously AU after that! Buffy is missing and Spike is the only one who has noticed. Where is Buffy and why is Spike the only one who is worried? Will the peroxide vampire be able to find her before it's too late? What has happened to the Scoobies and will they save Xander before he really becomes Dracula's butt monkey?

Chapter 30

I still don’t understand why we had to leave? Spike said I was moving into your place, not haring off to the big city!”

Buffy grunted and stared out the window; the outskirts of LA were still grotty and underdeveloped.

“Buffy? I am trying to talk with you! You make me drive this poor substitute for a penis for over two hours and barely talk to me! I know from films that when girls have a road trip there is female bonding and banter, not sulking! This is not fun.” Anya sighed. She gingerly manoeuvred the red convertible around a trunk and began to search for the exit they needed.

“Hmm…”

“Hmm, yourself! Buffy what are you doing? Running away from Spike? He really was quite upset. You should have stayed and talked with him,” Anya snapped in frustration as she veered past a stalled car and silently cheered that she had managed to not hit it.

“Gah!”

“So you’re ‘pity me’ mood has resulted in a reversion to a Neanderthal form of communication. Was there magic beer as well? Xan…um…well, I heard all about cave Buffy…” Anya’s eyes filled with tears and she sniffled loudly.

“Humph…”

Anya sighed and carried on driving. She missed Xander but despite the outward appearance of confidence in his return, deep down she knew.

She just knew.

*********

“You let her go,” Giles slurred as his unsteady hand slapped down on the table. He’d been aiming for the bottle but missed by a mile. “Why did you do that? I miss Buffy, she’s sweet… and you let her run away. She’s prone to that, y’know?”

Spike glared over the rim of his glass and downed it in one. “Thank you for stating the obvious, you nit! I know she’s pranced off. S’not like she’s playing hide and seek, is it?” Spike staggered up and began to stumble around the flat, “here Buffy…Buffy…come out…come out wherever you are.” He pulled open the bedroom doors with a dramatic flourish and peered in. “Nope, no sulky Slayer in there.” He sauntered back to the dining table and straddled the chair resting his chin on the back. “And you’re about as pissed as a man can get without needing his sodding stomach pumped.”

“Yeah.” Giles looked up from the table and started to giggle. “I do miss Buffy. But she can be a pain in the arse tho’…” Giles looked around carefully. Using over exaggerated movements, he pressed his shaking finger to his lips. “Shhh….don’t tell her I said that, right?” And then lapsed into drunken giggles again.

“Mate, you’re giggling!” Spike stared blearily over at his inebriated drinking partner. Giles nodded and carried on giggling. “Seriously Watcher, stop it!” Spike gazed woozily at Giles and waited for the girlish sounds to go away.

They didn’t. “You sound like Peaches after one too many Absinthe’s…wos that one time in Monmarte when he said he saw the Green Fairy floating around his head. Dru loved that. Finally had someone else who saw fairies.” Spike smiled nostalgically. “Soddin ponce was the Green Fairy the next morning…think he puked up every victim’s blood he’d drained…” Spike, despite his inebriation, stopped, realising that Giles’s all too pricked ears were absorbing everything he said.

Giles just giggled harder. “Fairy…Angel…did he flutter his leettle wings? Y’know, he really is the most tiresome bore sometimes…never shaw what Buffy was attracted too. His forehead is HUOOOGE!” Giles waved his hands around his head, “like a ruddy cliff face…and his phizz is about as expressive as one too. Right ugly sod… def… defin… hic... definantly a three paper bag job!” Giles started giggling again.

Spike sighed. The Watcher had defiantly lost it, but then again some of the drivel that had poured out of his mouth about the prancing ninny in LA was right funny. But the giggling was sodding awful, and he decided to anathestize his sensitive ears with his friend JD.

His only friend…now that his Childe had scampered off with Anya.

Spike reached down and pulled a fresh bottle out of the box by the table and broke the seal. Tipping his head back the vampire drained half the bottle in one go. His throat burned from the booze and the familiar false warmth filled his body.

Giles snorted and sat back up and pointed unsteadily at Spike. “You should go after her. While yer there, get back m’car. Anya stole it!”

Spike nodded. “I know mate, but y’know all my life and unlife I have chased the girl…fer oncesh it’d be a real eye opener for Ol’Spike if the bird chased him.” He tilted his head back and took another slug from the bottle, deftly slapping Giles’s hand away from his JD. “Get yer own…sh’mine…”

“Oi, you ponce – y’er th’un that invited me over for a piss up!” Giles stared woozily at the three Spikes that were sitting opposite him.

“Yeah, an’ don’t puke on the floor…it’s some sort of stripped pine I think. Smells nice and I don’ need chunks of Giles vom making pretty patterns on’t!”

Giles turned green and retched, “not nice…gimme something to settle m’stomach!”

Spike pushed over a glass filled with JD and watched as the drunk human fumbled for it and then, with a woozy but triumphant shout, raised it to his lips only to tip half of it down his front. Giles gulped down the dregs with a satisfied sigh. “Nice.”

With that he fell off the chair with a thunk and started snoring.

*********

“Is he overcompensating for his penis size?”

“Huh?” Buffy turned to look at Anya.

“Angel. Why does he have such a big place?” Anya pointed at the deco hotel that they had pulled up next to.

“Anya, is everything always about penises?” Buffy asked with a grin, the first real smile to cross her face since she had left Sunnydale. “As for big homes…lairs… no idea. He shifts from apartments, to mansions, to weird offices with underground apartments to hotels. Who knows?” Buffy shrugged.

“Well, there’s money and friendship…but penises are fun and they always get a reaction when discussed.” Anya winked at Buffy and pushed open the driver’s door and got out, groaning and stretching as she did. “Come on, I want to see what it looks like from the inside. Is he rich?”

“Who, Angel?” Buffy popped the trunk and began to pull out their suitcases. “Dunno…” she shrugged.

“He would have to be to pay the utilities on this monster.” Anya took the two small weekend bags and clattered up the path and headed around the fountain towards the door.

“Hey, wait up!” Buffy huffed as she ran after Anya.

*********

“You left our most splendiferous one alone and ill?” Jinx cringed slightly at the sight of Dracula’s still bruised face.

“Yes I did, now be gone,” Dracula snarled at the crusty minion. He wanted to go back to his bed and let Marushka coddle him a bit more. The injured vampire needed more blood as well. He snapped his fingers at one of his few minions and pointed towards the cellars where his prisoners were being kept.

“But Glorificus is to be revered…and her divine body must be cherished and kept unsweaty and undrooling – she hates that!” Jinx babbled as he backed away from the glowering Master Vampire--injured or not he could hurt the brown robed demon.

“I’m sure she does!” Dracula put his hand over Jinx’s face and pushed him away. “Maybe instead of fluttering around me you would be best served cleaning her up and making her more presentable?”

*********

“Schspike?” Giles rolled onto his back and fell off the couch, landing with a clatter on the floor. “Chrischt, how the hell did I get here?” Giles tried to pull himself up and then fell back with a groan. He was more comfy on the floor anyway.

“Wotcher, keep the moaning down to a dull roar. Am trying to have a think.” Spike was slouched in his favourite armchair; legs splayed, he had an unlit cigarette in one hand a bottle in the other.

“Thinking make my brain hurt…” Giles giggled.

“God, don’t start with the girly stuff again. Just got some peace and quiet,” Spike muttered.

“You should go to her and put her over your lap and give her a long needed hiding.” Giles nodded sagely and tucked his hands under his head.

Spike squinted over at the relaxed form of his Slayer’s Watcher and quirked his scarred brow in question, “Rupes, you do realised you just told me to smack your Slayer’s arse?”

“Yup.”

“Why?”

“Cos instead being the pain in the arse that she is sometimes, I think she deserves to have a pain in the arse!” Giles smiled triumphantly up at the ceiling; his drunken logic made sense to him.

“Rupes, wot happened to the ‘hurt her and I’ll stake you’ stuff?”

“Well yes, but she is behaving rather badly, running away rather than talking things out.” Giles yawned. “Tired now.” With that his eyes snapped shut and a stentorian snore emanated from his open mouth.

“Lightweight.” Spike shook his head and sipped from the bottle held loosely in his hand. He wondered when he’d fallen into an alternative dimension where the pissed git was offering up his Slayer’s arse for a tanning.

*********

“So are we gonna stand here staring at the entrance or go in?” Anya tapped her foot and waited for Buffy to answer. She was starting to get bored with the one-sided conversation and wished that she hadn’t agreed to this road trip. It was nothing like the movies, no amusing anecdotes exchanged or silly situations involving scary looking yokels chasing them out of town. She had hoped to talk to Buffy and make her see reason about the denied claim. Spike’s explanation for his reasons to halt the attempt were right and now it was a question of getting through the stubborn Buffy shield.

Anya sighed, “I’m tired, hungry and need to pee. You may have already forgotten that humans sweat but I am mortal and I smell!”

“Anya? Oh my god, Buffy?” Dawn’s disembodied voice rose into a high-pitched squeal.

The door was throw open and Joyce stood there in the entrance, the light spilling out from behind her and limning her in a golden glow. She stood there with a big smile on her face and her arms open and outstretched towards Buffy.

“Mommy?” Buffy’s eyes filled with tears and she launched herself into her mother’s comforting embrace. Joyce caught hold of her sobbing mess of a daughter with one arm and extended the other to Anya. Anya cocked her head in curiosity and then with only a slight hesitation, accepted Joyce’s motherly affection. She wrapped her arms around both Buffy and her mother and patted them both with stiff hands. Unsure of how to embrace anyone who wasn’t a lover, Anya’s movements were awkward but well meaning.

*********

“’Preciate this, mate. Not too sure if I could drive in a straight line let alone stay on the asphalt tonight.” Spike slouched in his seat and tried to look cool in the bright red VW Bug that Clem was driving towards Los Angles. Spike sighed as he felt the last of his street credit vanish into the ether. ‘The Big Bad’ in a VW, oh the humiliation of it. The things he did for Buffy.’

“No problem, Buddy. I told you whenever you needed anything call me…Uh Spike, could you crack a window? You smell like a brewery and it’s making the kittens carsick.” Clem gestured to the three cat baskets in the backseat, which were filled with Bengal kittens.

Spike squinted at the floppy skinned demon and opened his window, letting the cool night air flood the small car. It helped him sober up slightly and also helped with the suspicious feline smells that were wafting over from the backseat.

“Thanks buddy.” Clem grinned and the then flicked on the CD player. The cheery tones of Jessica Simpson filled the car and echoed harshly in Spike’s sensitive ears, so much so that he wondered how painful it’d be to tear them off. “She’s a siren, this one!” Clem nodded enthusiastically along with the peppy music.

“Wot are you doing with the kittens?” Spike gestured to the howling baskets behind him. Apparently Bengal kittens didn’t appreciate the not so dulcet tones of Jessica.

“Ohh, my auntie Vera bred them! She has three breeding pairs. Won them in that big inter-dimensional poker game. You know the one where Ben Affleck gambled his box office appeal away? Man, I never knew that an actor could do that—put up his career as a stake in a game. Scary, huh?” Clem didn’t wait for the rapidly sobering vampire to reply, “Anyway, she won the breeding pairs and has been making a killing!”

“Really?” Spike turned to peer at the kittens with interest. “How much are they? Might get one for the Nibblett.”

Clem chortled, an action that did interesting things to his skin flaps. It made them vibrate all over the place. “Spike, you couldn’t afford one.”

“Could too,” Spike mumbled and without asking, unlatched one basket and deftly pulled out one of the yowling kittens. It looked like a miniature wild cat. “Right cute little sod!” Spike held it up by the scruff of the neck and examined it carefully. The small spotty kitten mewed angrily, its tiny paws flexing in the air as it swung from Spike’s hand.

“Spike, you’re holding about 140,000 bucks there.”

Spike’s hand spasmed and he nearly dropped the small animal on its expensive head. “You’re sodding joking?”

“Nope.” Clem glanced over at the pole-axed vampire. “Maybe you should put it back with its litter?”

Without any further encouragement, Spike stuffed the kitten back into the basket and checked that it was latched properly. “60,000 quid for a ball of fur? What the hell is the world coming to? Clem, where are these going?”

“Oh, Auntie Vera is sending them as a tithe to our pod leader. He likes pets…doesn’t eat em, keeps them as companions…go figure…”

“Yeah…go figure,” Spike echoed in a stunned voice.

*********

“Mommy, are you feeling okay?” Buffy ran her hands over Joyce’s smiling face, reassuring herself that her mother was real, alive and healthy.

Joyce nodded with a smile. “I am. Honey, I had no idea something was wrong until Angel explained what was going on. Then I was in this weird dungeon and he was completing all these awfully painful trials.”

“Huh?” Buffy frowned in confusion.

“Oh, I know this one!” Anya chirped up, her face still mashed against Joyce’s shoulder. The comforting presence of the older woman was calming her in a way that she had never expected. It had been centuries since she had seen her own mother and Joyce’s maternal presence in her life was a constant that she wanted for a long time to come. She was grateful to Angel for letting himself be pureed to save Joyce.

“Really?” Joyce raised a brow in interest.

“Yes, it’s where someone can go for a favor as long as they complete the trials set. Some of them I have heard can be very painful.”

“They were, but it was worth it.” Angel’s calm voice startled the newcomers. Buffy pulled back slightly from Joyce’s embrace and stared over at her ex, who was flanked by a grinning Dawn.

“Buffy!” Dawn bounced towards her shorter sister and joined in the group hug.

“Hey Dawnie.” Buffy’s voice was muffled as she was pressed against her sister’s shoulder. Her demon twitched at the scents and sounds of the bodies surrounding her. It recognised them both as family, but it also recognised them as food. Her stomach gurgled loudly and her fangs dropped slightly.

“Buffy!” Angel’s usually calm voice was authoritative and immediately caught her attention. Something deep inside her responded to his tone and she pulled away from the mom, sister and Anya sandwich and looked over at him, noticing for the first time his face was burned and that he was holding himself stiffly.

“What happened to you?” She sniffed the air and could scent wounds all over his body that were still healing.

“The trials?” Anya asked curiously. “What did they make you do? Drink holy water or maybe swallow holy wafers?”

Joyce turned slightly green at the idea of Angel being hurt for her.

“Well…” Angel broke off when he saw Buffy’s eyes flicker from their normal colour to lavender and back again. He could see she was starved but there was something else in her manner that caught his notice as well, a dejection that he hadn’t witnessed since he had walked away in the smoke that last time in Sunnydale. “What’s wrong, Buffy?”

“Nothing,” she replied shortly, mad at Angel as well for not telling her that her mom had been sick. Buffy crossed her arms and avoided his gaze. Instead, she drank in the sight of her mom. She surreptitiously sniffed and tried to work out if she was healthy. But her vampiric senses were young and she was untrained so it was kind of hard for her to tell. In the end she had to ask. “Are you okay now?”

Joyce reached over and smoothed Buffy’s hair back off her face. “I am now baby, thanks to Angel.”

Buffy eyed her great-great grandsire solemnly, her face set in unreadable lines. Before she could say anything, her stomach growled.

“Right, Buffy you need some blood, come on.” Angel gestured for her to follow him. Something deep inside her responded to his suggestion and despite her wanting to stay with her Mom and Dawnie, Buffy felt her feet move and she followed after Angel. “Joyce, can you possibly help Anya get settled in a room?”

“Sure.” Joyce tucked Anya’s arm into hers and pulled the now chattering blonde with her. Anya’s sharp eyes took in everything; she commented on the Deco building excitedly. Dawn grinned and picked up the cases Buffy had dropped when she had seen Joyce and followed after them. She and her mom had already made up two rooms. As soon as Buffy had called to say that she and Anya were heading down to LA, the Summers women had been in a flurry of cleaning and preparing for the visit, much to Angel’s bemusement.

*********

Dracula drained his last chained victim with relish. He could already feel his body healing from the infusion of fresh blood. The old man slumped in his chains, finally dead after weeks of imprisonment. ‘In death there was release’, Dracula thought wryly as he kicked the dead body.

Marushka stood behind him and watched as his wounds began to heal with the fresh infusion. “Master? Shall I go and retrieve more cattle for you to feed from?”

“We will need to restock with some younger and healthier vintages. That last old man was too bitter for my taste. Send out some of the minions, I have a better use for you my dear. Come to me,” Dracula ordered. His thirst attended to, now he had other needs to be serviced.

Marushka approached her Master with no trepidation; she adored him and would do anything for him. He palmed her pale cheek with one hand and then pushed her hard against the cellar wall. She whirled, her eyes glowing with lust and excitement. She loved it when they screwed on the cooling corpses of their victims. She licked her lips and then vamped out. With a happy snarl she dropped to her knees and lowered her head submissively. Ready to do whatever her sire ordered.

Dracula nodded approvingly at her submissive position. “Remove your clothing,” he ordered, his tone brooking no resistance from her.

Marushka slipped her silk dress off her pale shoulders and allowed it to pool at waist, revealing her naked full breasts to her sire’s gaze. She rose slightly and let the dress fall further, sliding it off her legs. In a smooth move she knelt again nude at his feet. She licked her lips and looked up through her lashes at his impassive face.

“You may tend to my needs.” He unzipped himself and gestured for her to approach him. She crawled over and reached into his trousers and pulled out his erect cock. Without any preamble she took him in her mouth and sank down to the root in a smooth move. He had trained her well; she knew that this was one of his favourites so he would not last more than a few minutes.

Dracula grasped her hair and began to pump his hips. Marushka’s relaxed throat muscles allowed for his cock to move in and out. On each back stroke her tongue curled slightly and rubbed against the vein that throbbed on the underside of his cock. He looked down at her mouth and growled. Her eyes snapped open and looked up at him.

“Do it!” he ordered. “And don’t stop looking up at me.”

Marushka vamped out and kept her amber eyes glued on her sire’s. Her fangs scratched his erect cock and drew blood. “Gently,” he ordered.

For several long minutes the cellar was filled with the sounds of Marushka’s ministrations on her sire’s cock. The slurps, purrs and growls that erupted from her filled throat and mouth were music to his ears. All the while the dead eyes of the various chained corpses bore silent witness to their erotic play.

With a roar Dracula came. His cock jerked over and over as he filled his Bride’s willing mouth with his cum. He pulled out and let the final spurts coat her full and swollen mouth. With a happy sigh he tucked his spent cock back into his trousers and zipped up. He untangled his hand from her hair and patted her on the head. Marushka licked her lips and smiled up at her satisfied sire.

“Follow me to my chambers,” Dracula ordered. “No!” He raised his hand and forestalled her from rising to her feet. “Crawl behind me Childe, it amuses me for you to do so.”

“As you wish, my Master,” she purred and followed his black-clad figure out on her hands and knees.

*********

Tara tucked a blanket over Giles and then curled up in the armchair that Spike had been sitting in before Clem had arrived to pick him up. She rested her chin on one hand and watched as the older man snored loudly and a small trickle of drool ran from the corner of his mouth. She had been fast asleep when a very drunk Spike had called, asking her to baby-sit the prat who couldn’t hold his liquor.

Stumbling around the dorm, she had packed an overnight bag and headed out to the Quad to meet her ride. Spike had been a bit cagey about whom it would be with, only saying that she shouldn’t be scared and to look out for a red VW Bug and a ‘bloke called Clem’.

She shook her head at the image of the sweetest demon she had ever met, peering up at her from under his big hand and waving happily at her from the red Beetle. She shifted and settled back and grinned at the memory of the all the kitties he had in the back. Willow would’ve loved them. Tara’s hearted constricted in sadness-- she missed her Willowtree so much and wanted her home, back in her arms.

Tara wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and sighed. She knew that what Willow was learning was vital to help her exert control and not to abuse magic for her own ends. She was still in shock over the anger Willow displayed and the use of magicks she’d wielded to avenge Buffy. Something she had never expected from Willow. The letters they exchanged lessened the ache of separation, but Tara wanted to see Willow to touch her and make sure that she was okay.

But she could be patient, and in a sense she was happy that Willow was in Devon. At least it meant she was safe from Glory and the vampires that had allied themselves with the goddess.

She snuggled down under her blanket and dozed off, unaware that she was being watched.

*********

“Here.” Angel handed Buffy a mug full of warmed blood and picked up his own and sipped at it, for the first time in his unlife comfortable with another witnessing him feed. It was not as if she didn’t do the same. Part of him twinged with regret that Buffy was now forced into the dark as a demon just like him. All his sacrifices for them had been in vain. He had left her so she could have a normal life, walk in the sun with a boy and have a family. Now instead she was one of his clan, family, and so far beyond his reach that it was beyond funny and bordering on pathetic. His unlife sucked. Angel sighed and stared at Buffy as she gulped down her blood making nummy noises-- she had no shyness about her

A bit like Spike.

Angel grimaced; despite their truce, he was still envious that Spike had everything. He had Buffy’s unequivocal love. Something he had thrown away.

“More?” Buffy asked hopefully.

“Really?” Angel turned to the industrial sized fridge in the kitchen and pulled out a pitcher of blood. Before he could heat it, Buffy pulled it from his hands and began to gulp the cold liquid down with a greedy moan. Angel stared in shock at her actions, slightly repulsed.

Buffy drained the last dregs of the pig’s blood and burped. “Oopsie. Sorry, I was starved and still healing from the other night—”

“The other night? What happened?” Angel sniffed the air and could scent nearly healed wounds to her body. His demon flared with anger and protectiveness that she had been hurt, and just as he was about to launch a cross-examination, Buffy slipped past him and began to dig through the fridge.

“Oh, mom cooked meatloaf!” Buffy jigged on the spot and grabbed the leftovers and began to pick at it, her greasy fingers snagging more and more of the cold food and she stuffed it in her mouth, chewing noisily and purring with relish.

“No…you don’t need to eat…you’re a vampire—” Angel trailed off and stared aghast at the sight of a Buffy with her fangs flashing as she chomped her way through the meatloaf. “That’s disgusting, just like Spike and his unnatural eating habits…you’re cut from the same cloth.” Angel’s mouth tightened in disgust and he stared down into his half-empty mug, nearly missing the twitch of Buffy’s shoulders at the mention of Spike’s name. Unable to stop himself, Angel vamped out and growled loudly.

“What did Spike do to you?” he barked out, causing Buffy to drop the meatloaf pan and jump backwards in shock.

She tried not to lose control, but she did. Her full mouth trembled ominously and her lavender tinted eyes filled with tears. Buffy sniffled and then a deluge of tears poured down her face. “I…I…I…he…he…hurt me!” She wailed and threw herself into Angel’s arms.

Angel grunted at the impact and stood there with his arms hanging loosely at his sides, unwilling to touch her, to hold her or even to embrace her. He was aching too, but she was so soft, so sweet and smelled so damned good he just froze. His mouth watered and something stirred in his loins, it stretched out and hardened, pressing against the lost love of his unlife’s stomach, before he arched his hips backwards and away from her slender body. Instead of allowing the familiar arousal flood his being, he focused on the stuttered words that were still hiccupping out of her mouth.

Buffy mashed her face against Angel’s chest, and sniffled loudly. He felt wrong, too big and the muscles were a bit softer than Spike’s. Less definition of muscle tone and he smelt weird. He smelt like Willow did after a magic session, which was weird, as Angel didn’t like magic – not after the whole Du Lac thing. Also, there was something else underlying the stinky magic stuff, something she recognised but couldn’t quite put her finger on it. She wanted Spike to be hugging her and not Angel. He made her feel like a midget.

“Spike hurt you? How? When? Where? Why?” Angel demanded. He lifted his arms and cradled her shaking shoulders in his hands and pushed Buffy away from his body, and tried to look at her. But she dropped her head and wailed loudly. “My fault. I was too pushy…all my fault.”

“I doubt it, Buffy. You’re good, you’re the Slayer. Spike’s evil. He is the one who is in the wrong. Especially if he hurt you. I will kill him for that!”

“Ah Peaches, wot you got your big ugly mitts on my girl for?”

“Spike?” Buffy squeaked in surprise.

“Spike,” Angel growled angrily. He pushed Buffy behind him and growled challengingly at the bleached blond menace that was lounging in the doorway glaring at him.

“Yeah. Spike. I know m’name, now wot the ruddy hell is going on here?”

“I am going to rip your heart out and stuff it down your throat, you miserable bastard.”Angel howled and launched himself at Spike.

Spike wavered on his feet and glanced at Buffy in surprise. “What rot have you filled his pea brain with Childe…umph…” Spike grunted as Angel rammed his fist into his abdomen, his face took on a decidedly green tinge. ‘A punch to the guts after a drinking binge was not the way to go.’

Buffy squeaked in horror, leaping forward to defend Spike from the berserker Angel who had lost all grasp on sanity and was reduced to trying to pummel Spike into the floor. Spike shook his head and with a single look managed to convey to her to stay out of the fight. He pushed upwards and managed to dislodge Angel, who had for some reason sunk his fangs into Spike’s side and had been trying to gnaw his way through Spike’s torso.

Spike danced backwards, kicking Angel away from his ankle as the enraged brunette vampire tried to latch onto one. “Oi, grow up and stop trying to gum me to death, you old fart!”

“Grrrrr argh!” Angel bellowed and slammed a meaty fist into Spike’s abdomen again.

Spike wavered on his feet, one hand clutched his stomach and the other clapped over his mouth. “Oh no…” his voice was muffled by his hand. Spike’s face turned very pale and his entire body heaved.

“Eww…” Buffy leapt back and out of the way. She had run towards Spike when Angel had punched him in the stomach again.

Angel, however, wasn’t as fast.

There was a splattering noise followed by a stench of alcohol and spicy Buffalo wings.

“Oh my gawd, that is so gross,” Buffy exclaimed as she stared at Angel. The older vamp had frozen in his tracks, his usually dark outfit covered in sick and his hair was hanging limply down. Spike had managed to catch him in the face as he had protejectile vomited all over his grandsire.

“Oh god, I feel better.” Spike rubbed his stomach in relief.

“Well, I don’t.” Angel’s miffed voice was muffled as he tried to avoid opening his mouth. “What the hell have you been drinking and eating?”

“Oh my, boys what have you been doing?” Joyce’s voice rang out from behind Spike, causing all three vampires to freeze into an uncomfortable and guilty tableau.

“Shame on you all.” Her usually kind voice was filled with maternal disapproval. “The two of you are old enough to know that biting and… errr… is that puke?” Joyce stepped away from Angel and stared at Buffy. “Honey, I didn’t know vampire’s could be sick.”

“Me either…” Angel stared at Spike with one eyebrow lifted, not that anyone could see.

“Whoa Spike, I know you don’t like Angel, but even that is a bit much.” Dawn stared at Angel and then looked over at a smirking Spike.

“I would say sorry but he was groping Buffy when I came in.” Spike gingerly prodded the bite in his side and in a petulant voice added, “and he bit me!”

There was a resounding chorus of what’s from Anya, Joyce, Dawn, Buffy and Clem.

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