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Chapter 30: Explanations

“Do you hate me?”

They weren’t the first words Buffy had expected while laying in her post-coital bliss. Actually, she didn’t think they were in the top ten. Yet, she could hear the underlying apprehension in his voice. She just didn’t know why. She needed to ease the distress she heard in his voice, she just wasn’t sure how. This was all so new to her. She had so many questions. Most of which, she didn’t think anyone would have the answer for. But, she pushed the thoughts aside and concentrated on him.

“Hate you? No, I don’t hate you, Spike. Why would I?”

He put his hand beneath her chin and lifted it so that he could look into her eyes. Seeing just love reflected in their hazel depths had him releasing an unnecessary breath. Grateful, he let his eyes close as his forehead came to rest on her.

“I was so sure you would. I kept you…” He broke off; flashbacks of her conversation about being pulled out of heaven came back to haunt him. “I kept you out of heaven. Giles said-“ He was starting to get worked up.

“Shhhh…” she tried to soothe him, holding him tighter. Her face rested in his neck and she nuzzled her feed marks from earlier in an attempt to calm him. “It’s ok, Spike. Not exactly what I was expecting. But-“

“What do you mean, not what you were expecting? You were expecting something? Why the bloody hell didn’t you tell me?” He was getting upset all over again.

“It’s not like I had a chance to tell you-“

“The slayer dream. Giles mentioned your slayer dream.”

“Spike, would you shut up and let me finish,” she said, exasperation clearly evident in her voice. Spike didn’t take too kindly to her tone of voice if his growl was any indication.

“Sorry,” Buffy said, backing off instinctively at that warning growl.

“No, I’m sorry, pet. Old habits are hard to break, I guess,” he said with a sigh. “So, this slayer dream. It's what told you that something was going to happen?”

“Yeah. Kinda. And, I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to tell you. I knew something was going to happen, just not what exactly. I was going to tell you about it. Honest. I just ran out of time.” Just the memory of her pre-death condition had Spike tightening his embrace once more.

“So, in my dream, I saw the First Slayer. Only, not like before. Well, the first time, yeah, she was all wild woman and cryptic. And, before you even interrupt me again, I had two slayer dreams. So… anyway. I’m in this cave and I see her. Only she’s gorgeous. Beautiful clothes. Nice turban. Smooth complexion. I never knew what the white and black paint hid.” Buffy could sense his annoyance at her digression, and she rushed on with her explanation. “So she sits down, calm as you please, and tells me that she’s preparing for her funeral and that a new guardian was coming. Me. Because, like, I haven’t done enough, mind you. And, it’s because of the spell from before. You know, the one I had done with the scythe?”

“I remember.”

“Yeah, and well. I guess the scythe recognized me as its owner and when the spell was cast, part of my essence was passed on to the other potentials. So, I’m tied to them and they to me. I just didn’t figure on this whole immortal thing. I mean, I knew I was going to die-“

“What do you mean you knew you were going to die?!” he roared. His anguish making him yell a little louder than he would have liked.

“Geeez. Loud much?” Buffy tried for some levity. His pointed stare told her that it didn’t work. She gave a long-suffering sigh. Her human traits not completely worn off.

“That would have been the first slayer dream. It’s weird, actually. It was the same one I had before the battle with Glory. Scared me to death. Uh, sorry.”

Spike just grunted.

“So, I have this dream. I freaked. But, after the second one I knew. It was going to be ok. Only, I figured that I’d be more like the First Slayer, you know. Coming in dreams, and such. I didn’t realize that I’d actually be undead. So, to get back to your question.”

Lost in her explanation, Spike had completely forgotten his initial question. He looked at her, confusion marring his features.

“Hating you…”

“Ahhhh, right.”

“I can’t hate you. You’ve made it possible for me to stay. I can see Dawn grow up, get married, have some kids. True, I may not be able to take them to the beach, or the park, or pick them up from school. But, I can hold them, and watch them grow, be here. Not just some wisp of energy, or whatever the First Slayer was.” Tears of happiness were falling from Buffy’s eyes. True, she may have not wanted to become a vampire or whatever hybrid thing she was now, but it was a small price to pay for getting to stay. Plus, she wouldn’t be alone in her immortality. She’d have Spike with her.

“Buffy-“ he whispered. So overcome with emotion, he could only say her name. Pulling her close, he nuzzled his mark. Heaven. It felt like he had been given a glimpse of Heaven. Strange coming from a demon who had no hope of reaching that destination, but that’s ok. Heaven was here on earth, Buffy by his side. An immortal, like him. He couldn’t ask for anything more. He saw her eyes flash yellow and realized that she hadn’t had a proper meal. He was surprised that her demon had made its displeasure known before now. Although on the other hand, it knew better than to demand anything of its Sire. Time to rectify that.

Slipping out of her embrace, Spike strode to the cooler he had brought in earlier. Lifting the lid, he grabbed a package of blood. His facial features shifted and he sunk his fangs into the bag, draining it in a few short pulls. Damn, he should have nicked the microwave! He’d have to remedy that situation. Because, cold bloody? Ick! He grabbed another bag and did the same. Then, two more. When he was finished, he slipped back into bed, leaning back against the headboard.

He grabbed Buffy’s hand and tugged on it, silently gesturing her to straddle his lap. His cock sprang to life as her naked form settled in his lap facing him. He tilted his neck to the side, invitingly. “Time to finish feeding, luv.” Buffy needed no further urging, quickly shifting her facial features then sinking her fangs back into his neck. As her Sire’s blood slipped down her throat, she practically purred at the taste. Greedily, she fed from him, taking long pulls of his intoxicating blood. The sweet ambrosia quickly overcoming any qualms about feeding in the first place.

Spike leaned his head back against the headboard, eyes closed, while Buffy fed. He ignored his raging hard-on and just basked in the feel of his Childe feeding from him. He let her take as much as she wanted, wanting her to be strong. With the new role she had, she was going to need to be strong. All those slayers, now dependent on her. When she was finally done, she removed her fangs from his neck licking the fresh marks closed. She curled up against him and sighed in contentment. She was just about to drift off to sleep when she realized something. She bolted upright and looked at him, horror evident on her face.

“My soul! I don’t have a soul!” she wailed.

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