Banner by Selene

Chapter 33: Easing Fears

Since Spike’s idea of keeping Buffy locked up for a week in her bedroom had backfired, there was no point in keeping the cooler in the bedroom to hold their blood. ‘May as well put it back in the freezer.’ So, while Buffy lingered in the shower, Spike got out, threw on some clothes and grabbed the cooler to take back downstairs.

He walked into the kitchen, the cooler held before him, and stopped dead in his tracks. He knew she was in there, debated on turning around, but figured now was as good a time as any to get this over with. Resuming his path to the refrigerator, he glanced at Dawn while she sat at the table sipping her coffee. Her head was down, refusing to acknowledge his presence. It hurt, her rejection of him. Hanging his head, he set the cooler on the floor and opened the freezer door. He leaned down to open the lid of the cooler and began grabbing packets of blood from the container to toss lightly inside the freezer. The sound of blood bags smacking against one other as they landed inside the freezer, the only thing breaking the tension-filled silence of the room.

Once all the bags were in the freezer, Spike shut the door. He could hear Dawn’s heartbeat pounding in her chest. Knew that she was aware of him being there. Then he smelt it, that slight tinge of fear. And rather than dumping the ice out of the cooler like he planned he turned and strode swiftly from the room. Her hate he could deal with, her fear was something else. Disgust at himself had his soul practically weeping at the pain he had caused her, and Spike needed to get as far away from Dawn as possible to lick his wounds. By saving one sister, he had inevitably lost the other.

Dawn knew that refusing to acknowledge his presence as he came into the kitchen probably hurt the blond vampire that she viewed as a big brother. She just didn’t know quite what to feel right now. On the one hand she was thankful. Her sister was alive, well undead she guessed was the correct term now, because of Spike. And, if someone had to do it, she was glad that it was Spike. Where the confusion came in was where it left her. Buffy now had this guardian status, and Dawn just didn’t know where she was going to fit in anymore. If she was going to be left alone. That thought had her quaking with fear. When she saw Spike practically run from the kitchen, she knew she had to talk to him. He would listen to her, help her deal with all these feelings she was having. That decision made, she leapt up from the table and started after him.

Spike was lost in his own haze of pain at Dawn’s rejection. His abject misery so great as he made his way to the living room that he didn’t hear as Dawn came rushing up behind him.

“Spike…” Dawn choked out. Tears were rushing down her face as she raced after him in the foyer. He didn’t acknowledge her, just kept on walking towards the living room. “Spike…” she cried louder.

Her voice finally broke through his anguished thoughts just before she reached him. He heard his name called, then sobbing. He jerked around in astonishment to see Dawn flying towards him, tears flowing down her face as she openly cried. She continued to rush towards him and he just managed to open his arms before she ran headlong into his embrace. His own eyes started to mist seeing her in such pain.

“Awww.. ‘Bit. Don’t. It’s ok,” Spike attempted to soothe. His softly spoken words just seemed to make her cry more and sag weakly against him. Rather than stand out in the open foyer where anyone could come along, he scooped her up and strode quickly to the living room, giving them some modicum of privacy. Dawn didn’t even notice, too far gone in her misery to care. He settled himself in a lounge chair and held her as she cried. He gave up trying to ask her what was wrong and just let her cry first. Maybe once she stopped then he’d be able to find out what was wrong. Unfortunately, he already knew what was wrong. He’d killed her sister, made her a vampire, even if it was to save her life. Sighing, he just settled her more comfortably on his lap, holding her as one would a frightened child.

Eventually, her fervent sobbing lessened then finally abated. Spike just waited for her to start talking. The words that came out of her mouth had him gripping her upper arms so that he could pull her away from his body to face him.

“I’m gonna be all alone now, aren’t I?”

“Oh Niblet, of course not. Your sister’s not going anywhere and neither am I,” he vowed. “Whatever gave you that idea?” He pulled her back towards him once more, his hand running down her hair in a soothing gesture as she spoke.

“It just…now she’s a vampire, guardian, whatever…she’s gonna go away, be like that First Slayer, live in some cave or something,” she knew it sounded ridiculous as the words came tumbling out of her mouth, but she rushed on. “And you’re like, her Sire now, right? So, that means you’re gonna go with her, wherever she goes and I’m gonna be all alone again.”

~*~*~*~*~

“…her Sire now, right? So, that means you’re gonna go with her, wherever she goes and I’m gonna be all alone again.” The forlorn words drifted to Buffy as she made her way down the stairs had her increasing her pace and rushing towards the living room. She came to an abrupt stop as she saw Spike sitting in a chair, Dawn cradled like a small child in his lap as he attempted to soothe her fears. He looked up, his helpless gaze locking with her own. He shrugged his shoulders slightly as if to say, “I can’t even begin to figure out where she came up with this idea.”

“Dawnie?” Buffy called out. On hearing her sister’s voice for the first time since she had “died,” Dawn’s head snapped up off of Spike’s shoulder. Scrambling off of his lap, she raced around the couch and into her waiting sister’s arms.

“Shhh…. It’s ok, Dawnie,” Buffy soothed. “What made you think I was going somewhere? You know I’d never leave you, right?” Dawn just held on tighter letting her sister’s words slowly sink in.

“Why don’t we go sit on the couch, ok?” Dawn nodded against her shoulder, then pulled away, allowing herself to be led to the couch. The two sisters curled up side-by-side on the couch, their arms wrapped around one another. Dawn’s words tripped over themselves as they tumbled from her lips. “You were dying… and Spike… so scared… didn’t want to be alone again… didn’t want you to die… pretty glow…” Throughout it all, Buffy just held her sister close, her own tears falling unchecked, as she ran her hand down her sister’s hair as Dawn sat curled beside her, her head on Buffy’s shoulder. Finally, Dawn calmed down and they just sat there in each other’s arms. Seeing that the two had finally seemed to calm somewhat, Spike got up from his chair and came to sit down next to them on the other side of Dawn.

“’Bit, we’re family. And families stick together no matter what,” he gave the explanation as if he couldn’t believe that he’d, she’d – no, they’d – ever abandon Dawn. As if. He snorted to himself at his Buffy-ism. “Doesn’t matter that Buffy is now this “Guardian” slayer or some such, she’s still your sister first. Got that?”

Buffy looked over her sister’s head to look at Spike, her eyes conveying without words how grateful she was for him being here, explaining things, reassuring Dawn. Spike just smiled back at her. He broke off eye contact and looked towards the entryway, Buffy’s gaze following his own. Willow. She was coming towards them. Spike stood up so that Red wouldn’t think she was intruding on a private moment and went back to his chair and plopped down. Buffy eased Dawn up off her shoulder, brushing her hair out of her face and wiping away her tears as she did so. She leaned over and gave her sister a quick kiss on the cheek and a slight smile. She made quick work of wiping away her own tears, then turned towards the entryway once more as Willow came into view.

Both friends gazed at one another in shock. It had been a long while since they had physically seen one another. There had been that brief moment when Willow came through to add the protection spell to this place. But, before that, it had been since Buffy and Dawn had left on their summer holiday tour of Europe. The awkward silence continued as Buffy stood up next to the couch. In her anxiety, Buffy’s eyes momentarily flashed yellow, causing Willow to gasp in surprise. Thinking her friend couldn’t accept what she had now become, her face fell and she looked away from her friend, instinctively seeking the comforting gaze of her Sire.

Spike surged to his feet with a growl, concern for Buffy had him snapping, “Bloody hell, Red, if this is the way you’re gonna react around Buffy, you may as well leave now!” He quickly reached the slayer, pulling her into his comforting embrace as he glared at the witch. Willow gazed at him with first shock, then horror, as she realized what she had inadvertently done.

“Oh, no… Buffy…I didn’t mean…” she stammered. Quickly, she walked into the room and started to make her way towards her friend. Spike, seeing the apologetic look on Red’s face, disentangled Buffy arms from around him and turned her around to face her friend.

“Buffy…” she started but was cut off.

Buffy was starting to get mad. And, in her hurt, she lashed out. Her vampire features fell into place and she spoke furiously at Willow, “Look at me. Look at my face. This is what I am now. What I’ll always be. If you can’t deal with that then maybe you should just leave…” she broke off then continued in a smaller voice, “I just can’t deal with the thought that what I am now might disgust you. Better for you to leave before my feelings get hurt any more than they are.”

“Oh Buffy… I’m sorry. I’m not disgusted. Honest.” Slowly, Willow walked towards her friend, stopping once she was standing directly in front of her. Her hand reached out hesitantly to trace the ridges on her brow. Buffy watched her friend’s eyes carefully, waiting to see if they filled with disgust. What she saw was acceptance, and she breathed an unnecessary sigh of relief. Reassured, she shook off the demonic features, her human mask once more settling into place. Now that their awkward moment was over, the two friends embraced, both with tears flowing freely down their face. Spike just snorted and resumed his place in the chair, watching the three girls as they settled themselves on the couch – Buffy situated between Willow and Dawn – and launched into conversation.

Spike vaguely listened as the girls chatted amongst themselves, catching up on old gossip. His ears perked when he heard Buffy ask about Xander, but Willow just shook her head and said that she hadn’t seen him since they had all split company at the beginning of the summer and only talked to him via email. Buffy just sighed at that and nodded. They shook off their morose thoughts and turned their conversation to lighter subjects.

After awhile, Spike sensed the other slayers coming down the stairs, slowly making their way towards the living room. He briefly noticed Buffy’s eyes flash yellow but thought nothing of it. When her human mask briefly slipped from her face, his casual pose in the chair abruptly faded. Sitting on the edge of the chair, he continued to watch Buffy. Both Dawn and Willow had noticed the slight change come over her features but thought nothing of it. Then the other slayers arrived at the room and made their way inside.

Spike broke through the growl that suddenly emanated from Buffy, slightly startling both Dawn and Willow.

“Willow. Dawn. Get up now and move away from Buffy.” The just looked at him, confused. “Do it now,” he growled. Confused, both girls did as he request, quickly getting to their feet and moving away from the couch. Spike watched as Buffy’s face shifted once more, this time her demonic mask staying in place. Spike uncoiled from the chair as Buffy stood up. Her gaze swiveled to the entryway noticing the young slayers standing poised at the entrance. Another growl erupted from Buffy; an answering one came from Spike. Buffy whipped back around to glance at her Sire.

She cocked her head to the side, silently regarding him. He cocked his scarred eyebrow at her and waited. She turned to the slayers once more and ran her tongue along her lips. Spike watched as she coiled her muscles, prepared to launch herself at them.

“No!” his Sire-voice rang throughout the room. Launching himself at her, Spike tackled her to the ground before she could go after the girls. He pinned her beneath him as she growled up at him.

“Everybody out. And someone find Giles. Now!” he yelled when he could hear no one moving, his eyes never leaving Buffy.

There was a rush of movement and then the two were left alone in the living room.

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