If Only

by Spikeskat

Chapter 1

“You think I came all this way to get knocked up by some demon dust?” she questioned the three men somewhat sarcastically…although her tone of voice was probably lost on them.  The Slayer gestured with her head towards the black swirling mist attempting to invade her body.  “I can't fight this. I know that now... But you guys? You're just men. Just the men who did this... to her. Whoever that girl was before she was the First Slayer.”

Buffy ignored the fact that she was currently imprisoned, though her righteous anger caused the chains securing her in place to rattle loudly in the cave.

“You don’t understand.” His emotionless voice ignited her temper, causing her to argue with her captors.

“No, you don't understand!” she shouted back at them. “You violated that girl, made her kill for you because you're weak, you're pathetic, and you obviously have nothing to show me.”

Thoroughly disgusted at their attitude and tired of being held bound, Buffy used her Slayer strength to rip the chain holding her right hand hostage right out of the ground.  A length of about three feet of chain dangled from her wrist manacle, and she swung it around in a wide arc.  The force as it slammed into one man knocked him off his feet.  

With him out of commission, Buffy turned her attentions to the second man, and using the chain as a whip, she was able to get the links to wrap around the staff he was carrying. She gave a hard tug, pulling the staff – and the man holding it – towards her.  Her foot connected with his chest, knocking the breath from him with a loud woof, and he fell backwards onto the ground..  The staff was still held hostage by the length of chain, and the Slayer resettled the staff in her hand and delivered a blow to the first man she'd knocked down who was trying to struggle to his feet.  With two men down, Buffy turned her attention to the remaining man, letting the staff fall from her fingers.  Apparently, the second man took that as a signal to attack, so Buffy shot her foot out, just as he was about to reach her.  Her aim true as it slammed into the man’s chest, propelling him backwards and onto the ground once more.

Buffy snapped the remaining link holding her in place and slowly walked towards the last guy standing; she picked up the discarded staff prepared to do battle with him. Something made her change her mind before she reached him.  Her gaze looked with his and she brought the rod down over her knee, grunting as it snapped in half.  She looked up and noted with satisfaction at the “demon dust” they were going to “impregnate” her with swirled once and then dissipated.

“I knew it. It's always the staff.”

“We offered you power.”

“Tell me something I don't know…” she muttered sarcastically.

“As you wish,” the man replied, taking her at her literal word. He stretched out his hand, placing it on her head.  Buffy struggled under the weight of the images that were suddenly bombarding her brain.

Her face paled and her eyes began to fill with unshed tears as she was assaulted by the visions the man enabled her to see.  Buffy opened her mouth, trying to suck in some much-need air, but it seemed the more she inhaled, the less oxygen she was actually taking into her lungs.  She was helpless to resist the overpowering emotion that seized her body as she witnessed firsthand the future being shown to her.

Soon, it was too much and she attempted to break his hold on her head, wanted to escape the knowledge flooding her body, its onslaught like a whip, slicing into her flesh again and again. The cuts ran deep; she felt exposed, her body laid bare to its pain.   Slight shudders wracked her body as if testament to the heartache she was witnessing.  Over and over, her body felt lashed as she experienced the final confrontation with The First. 

She wanted it to stop, needed to make the agonizing torment end.  A low whimper escaped her lips as she beheld that defining moment.  The tears that she had bravely held back began to fall as she watched – felt – the scene play out. 

“Oh, God, no…please…” The fervent plea escaped her parted lips.   Her tears were falling in earnest now.  Soundless sobs shook her slight frame… and still the images came.  Her second whispered, “please… no” fell on deaf ears, just as the first had.  No one else was there to ease her suffering.  And, she was.  Suffering.

At first, she thought she was dead.  Surely no one could be exposed to that kind of grueling imagery and live.  Then she realized, she was alive, and knew in that moment that this was her punishment. 

For all the horrible things she had done, this would be her penance. 

To know – and do nothing to stop it.

Then it was over. It had felt like hours, when in all actuality mere minutes had passed. As abruptly as they began, the agonizing images stopped. Vaguely, Buffy realized that the man had removed his hand from her head.  Her legs could no longer support her weight, and she crumpled to the floor before him.  Buffy was left raw and bleeding there on the ground.  Her heaving sobs were the only sound in the otherwise silent cave.

Through the sounds of her wailing, she heard a faint, anguished cry and wondered what torture the person must be enduring to make a sound such as that.  Then she realized…it was her own.  She cried as if she had nothing left to live for, as if she could see what might have been before it was rudely snatched from her hands.  And, in that moment, she wanted to die.  Wanted to retreat to the heaven that she had been ripped from – to lick her wounds.  Because the scene she had just witnessed was her hell.

One minute she was curled in a ball on the cave floor, the next moment she was in the same position – only in her own living room. 

Ever so slowly, Buffy became aware of her surroundings.  She lifted her tearstained face to see the stunned expressions on that of her friends.

They crowded in around her, but she barely spared them a glance... she was looking for someone else.  Her eyes darted past her friends, searching for the one person she needed to see. Standing against the living room wall, apart from the others, Spike watched her.  As her gaze collided with his, Buffy watched his soulful blue eyes rake over her features.  His blatant concern doing odd things to her stomach.

The emotion in his deep blue gaze visible for all to see – if they'd but take a moment to look – caused her eyes to well up once more.  Her tears feel unheeded down her face.  She heard her friends and the potential Slayers call out to her, asking if she was ok.  She ignored them, instead concentrating on the blond vampire watching her intently.  Silently, she conveyed her need for him. Attempted to will him to her side with nothing more than a look.
 
Buffy watched as he pushed himself away from the wall and started towards her.

Spike looked down at the Slayer as she lay curled on her side, her friends crowded around her.   When he'd made eye contact with her, he almost buckled under the pain he could see in her eyes.  Whatever had happened to her in that portal had obviously hurt her.   The need in her eyes called to him and before he could stop himself he was pushing away from the wall and walking towards her.  Then, he stopped. 

Her whispered words as they stood outside and he offered to leave came back to him.   She had never answered his question about the principal, and that had him stopping in his tracks.  He had to remind himself that she had moved on.  He had to let her go.  Then, he got a look at the anguish in her eyes, before she laid her head back down, her tears coming in earnest now.  Her muffled sobs tore at his soul until he could stand it no more.

“Fuck it,” he mumbled under his breath.

Pushing his way through the small crowd and ignoring the uproar his actions caused, Spike knelt down beside the huddled body of the Slayer. 

“Slayer,” he called softly, attempting to break through her crying jag.  He placed a hand on her shoulder to shake her slightly.

Her crying stopped momentarily, and Spike watched as she looked up at him.  He had a brief moment to see…was it gratitude? in her eyes before she launched herself at him.   The force propelled him backwards, and he landed on his ass, a bundle of Slayer cuddled tight by his side.

Spike ignored the looks of shock from her friends and continued to hold Buffy while she cried.   Her grief tore at him; he didn’t know what to do to help her.   So, he just held her – his hand running down the length of her hair over and over in a soothing gesture.  Vaguely, he realized the others were leaving the room.

He could hear their snide, whispered comments about Buffy seeking comfort from a demon of all things, but he pushed their callous words aside and concentrated on her.

“Buffy? What is it?” he asked when she finally settled down.  She hadn’t shifted away from him, continuing to huddle against him like a small child seeking comfort.

She didn’t answer him.

“Tell me what it is.  Let me help you, luv,” he tried again.  Buffy just shook her head vigorously against his chest, refusing to answer.

Hours passed and Spike noticed her friends drifted back towards the living room, a look of concern marring their features.  When he sensed their approach, he would lift his head and make eye contact, quickly shaking his head that no, she'd not told him anything.  Hadn't spoken at all, in fact. 

As the afternoon sun gave way to twilight, Spike felt the Slayer's breathing even out and her heart rate slow.  She had finally fallen asleep.  Awkwardly, he rose to his feet, careful not to wake her as he lifted her up in his arms.

Instinctively sensing her need to have him close, he made his way to the door leading down to his place in the basement.  Willow took pity on him and opened the door, allowing him to descend the steps without any difficulty.  Xander started to make a comment, but one look from Willow had him closing his mouth without any words leaving it.  Now wasn’t the time.  Right now Buffy needed rest and she had chosen Spike.  Willow would honor her friend’s wishes and let her be.  For now.  But come morning…a discussion would be had.

~*~*~*~*~

Spike settled the sleeping Slayer on the twin bed that was shoved up against the one wall of the basement.  Bending over, he removed her shoes, allowing them to fall soundlessly to the floor.  He grabbed a blanket off a nearby shelf and settled it around her shoulders and was about to move away and settle himself against the far wall to begin his vigilance, when he felt her hand close over his... heard her sleepy, “stay” issue forth from her lips.

He nodded, but she couldn’t see, having slipped back into sleep once more.  He removed his hand from beneath hers so that he could take off his boots.  Cautiously, he made his way up on the bed behind her; he didn’t want to risk waking her now that she had finally fallen asleep.  Very carefully, Spike pulled back the covers and slid beneath him behind her.  He lay on his side facing her, his back to the wall.  She smelled... like heaven.  Having her here with him, in his bed, made his unlife.  It was selfishness on his part, selfishness to touch her, that had him drawing her body back against his chest. 

A soft sigh escaped her lips, but she didn’t waken.

Spike held her while she slept, his senses alert for any signs of distress.  Several hours passed and nothing happened.  The sound of her slow even breathing eventually lulled him to sleep, and with a soft kiss to the hair on the back of her head, he drift off.

It seemed like he had just closed his eyes when he was thrust awake to the feel of the Slayer thrashing about in his arms.  She was moaning in her sleep, obviously having some kind of nightmare.

Spike shook off his last vestiges of sleep and began softly shaking Buffy’s shoulder in an attempt to get her to wake up.

“Buffy,” Spike called softly. “Wake up, luv.  You’re dreamin'.”   Her thrashing increased and he noticed she was openly weeping now.  Worried, he began to shake her harder.  He had to end the nightmare that held her in sleep's grip.

“Buffy,” he called a little louder this time.  “Slayer, wake up, dammit!”  After a few more vigorous shakes, Buffy’s eyes flew open, a silent scream poised on her lips.

She looked up to see Spike’s concerned gaze staring down at her.

“Spike?” she asked confused, the images in her head playing havoc with her mind.

“It’s me, luv.  I’m right here.  You were having a nightmare.”

“Oh, God!”

With no other warning, Buffy wrapped her arms around his back, holding him tight.   She pressed her face into his chest as if she were trying to mesh their bodies into one and absorb his strength.

The force of the impact cause Spike to fall to his back, and his arms closed around her, pulling her close to his side.   She fidgeted in his light embrace so he settled her more firmly against his body.  This seemed to appease the Slayer, having apparently needed his solid, reassuring grip and she quieted once more.

“You wanna tell me about it, pet?”

Again, she shook her head, adding a whispered, “I can’t.”

“It’s ok, luv.  I’m here.  I won’t let anything happen to ya.  Promise.”

His impassioned vow caused Buffy's tears start anew, soaking his black t-shirt.  She knew he meant it.  It was one promise she knew he would keep – she had seen the truth of his words.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 2

The next several days were rough in the Summers’ house.  Buffy didn’t talk to anyone about what she witnessed in the portal.   Willow, Xander, Dawn, and even Giles were alternately questioning her about her new “relationship” with Spike or questioning her judgment about his position in their household.  Their constant interrogation was beginning to grate on her nerves.   She had yet to answer their pointed comments about her new sleeping arrangements.   Personally, it was none of their damn business.  She didn’t butt into their sex lives, she didn’t know what they thought gave them the right to butt into hers.

The sad part was, she and Spike weren’t even having sex, both content to hold each other before they drifted off to sleep.

Things came to a head about a week later when, after finding out that Spike’s chip was gone and yet the vampire was still being manipulated by the First, Giles set in motion a plan to have Spike killed.  In order to make the potentials feel safer in her home, Buffy had reluctantly agreed to have Spike stay at Principal Wood’s place – just until they could deactivate the trigger holding Spike hostage.

In order for their plan to work, they knew that Buffy had to be distracted.  Giles concocted a plan to have Buffy conduct some one-on-one training with him. 

A lame attempt to get her back to the basics, which she realized belated.  She’d not seen the distraction for what is was, since she’d had her own reasons to do so.  Like using their time alone together to explain to Giles about her “vision.”

~*~

Giles was going on and on about something, half of which Buffy tuned out while she sought a quick resolution to the newly risen fledgling that had intruded upon their patrol.  She was just about to drive her stake home when Giles’ words stayed her hand.

“Don’t kill him yet.”

“What?  Why not?” she asked, incredulous. She gaped at him as he went on about sacrifice and generals and difficult decisions.  The word sacrifice brought home her excuse for undertaking this excursion in the first place.  She started to explain to Giles about her vision when she was attacked from behind by the fledgling she had disregarded.

A few minutes later, Buffy had the vampire subdued once more.

“…and yet there’s Spike,” Buffy heard Giles say.

“Look, I already told you.  That chip was killing him.” Exasperation crept into her voice; it seemed like they had had this conversation every day since Giles had found out. Broken record much?

Spike’s headaches had been getting worse, and he and the Slayer had gone back to the burned out laboratories of the Initiative in an attempt to find a solution to the chip’s malfunction.   While there, the two had encountered a half-starved demon that looked upon Spike and Buffy as its next meal.  They’d managed to defeat the beast only to be confronted by some very pissed off soldiers.  Apparently, her coded phone call to Riley had worked.  When the doctor had pulled her aside and told her that he could either fix the chip or remove it, Buffy hadn’t hesitated. 

She’d had him remove it.

The damn thing should have never been implanted in the first place.  Besides, Spike had a soul.  And, even if he hadn’t, Buffy didn’t think it would matter.   Spike had always been a rare breed of vampire.  As much as he liked to say that he was the “Big Bad”, he wore his humanity like a badge of honor for all to see.  Through him, Buffy had learned to see things in a muted grey, instead of the clear-cut black and white philosophy of her youth.  Spike had also shown her that demons could love, and he wasn’t scared to admit it.

So, the chip had been removed.  No more headaches for Spike.  And, his awed gaze as he'd realized that she trusted him was more than enough proof that he would never hurt her, or any of the others.  No matter how much Xander might drive him to it.

Buffy came out of her reverie to hear Giles lecturing ad nauseam about Spike being a liability, and that he lacked self-awareness.

“Spike is here because I want him here. We need him. I'm in the fight of my life.”

“Really,” the fledgling asked, excited at the prospect of getting one-up on the Slayer.

“Not you, Richard,” she told the vampire she was currently sparing with - because, honestly, he was no match for her level of skill.

“You want Spike here even after what he's done to you in the past?

“It's different now. He has a soul,” she explained for the umpteenth time. God, this was getting old.

“And the First is exploiting that to his advantage.”

“Oh, my God.” Buffy quickly staked the vampire held in her arms. “You're stalling me. You're keeping me away—”  Frantically, she rushed off towards Wood’s house.  The sound of Giles’ words drifted after her as she ran.

“It's time to stop playing the role of general, and start being one.”

~*~*~*~*~

Buffy arrived at Wood’s place just as Spike was closing the door.  Her relief was so great upon seeing him alive she didn’t stop, just threw her arms around him, holding him tight.

“Oh, Spike…” she couldn’t finish, too overwhelmed by the emotion churning through her body.  Even knowing that he would soon be gone from her life, sacrificing himself to save everyone…she just couldn’t bear for him to disappear any sooner than necessary.  They had a few months yet before the final confrontation and she planned to live for those months, with Spike by her side.  If the others didn’t like it, well…that was too damn bad.

“It’s ok, pet,” he replied as he held her close.  He had been shocked by Buffy’s behavior after she came back from that portal a few days ago.  Gone was the girl that was always swayed by her friends’ opinion.  In her place stood a new and improved Buffy – one that decided what was right for her and to hell with what others thought.  All he could think was: it’s about bloody time.  He’d always known he was her perfect counterpart – his yin to her yan, his moon to her sun – complete opposites, but in perfect harmony with each other.

“Is he…?”

“Dead?  Nah… kinda’ felt bad for the bloke.  I did kill his mum and all.  But, that’s it.  He’s comes after me again, and I won’t be held responsible for my actions.  The days of ‘kick the Spike’ are over.”

Buffy felt his body stiffen as he spoke, and she lifted her head off his chest to look at him.  She knew he was serious, meant every word he'd just said, but she could still see the hint of vulnerability in his eyes... as if he were worried about what she might think.  She lifted her hand to trail down the sharp edges of his cheekbone.

She gave him a slight smile and nodded.

The depths of his cerulean gaze showed his relief and she felt his body relax against hers.  Pulling her close, he breathed in her scent and allowed her acceptance of his words to wash over him.  After a while, the two pulled apart to head home, Buffy slipping her hand in his as they walked.

~*~*~*~*~

When they reached the house and stepped inside, they noticed Giles waiting in the kitchen.   She told Spike that she wanted to talk to Giles and that she’d meet him downstairs afterwards.  His eyes registered surprise as she leaned up and lightly brushed her lips across his.  As quickly as the delicate touch of her lips on his began, it was over. But the lingering sensation remained with the blond vampire long after Buffy had walked out the kitchen door telling Giles that she would like to speak with him.

Bringing his fingers to his lips, a slight smile formed, and he turned and opened the cellar door, descending the steps to await her return in the room he had secretly labeled “theirs.”

~*~

Outside, Buffy was seething with barely suppressed rage.  Her stiff gait as she ate up the sidewalk was a clear indication to Giles that he was in for an earful.   Suddenly, she stopped and swung around to face him.  He came to an abrupt halt at the look on her face.  If he didn’t know better, he’d say that she was struggling not to hurt him.  That if she hadn’t known him as well as she did, she would certainly be pummeling him right about now.

That thought had his jaw dropping in astonishment.  That she would actually hurt him, and over a chipless vampire, albeit now ensouled, had him stuttering out an explanation for his actions.

“Buffy…”

“Don’t!  Just don’t say a word, Giles.  This time, you’re going to listen to me.  And, maybe, just maybe, I won’t go finish what Spike wouldn’t do.” Giles’ shoulders relaxed as he deciphered that Wood was still alive…when he had seen the two walk in the house moments ago, he hadn't been entirely certain.  Placating her as best he could under the circumstance, he nodded, not saying anything.

“I wasn’t planning on saying anything.  The conditions of my sudden knowledge hinged on me not saying a word.  To anyone.” Her head dropped and she gazed at her feet, trying to get her rising emotions under control.  It almost worked.  When she lifted her head to look at her former watcher, her eyes were shining with unshed tears. “Not even him.”

“Buffy, I …” She held up her hand in the universal sign to stop, her bottom lip pulled into her mouth to keep from crying.  Giles bit off his words and waited for her to continue.

Taking a couple of deep breaths, she started again.

“He’s going to die…saving the world.”  There.  It was out in the open.  The words that she had been painfully holding inside issued forth from her lips making them real for her.  Her shoulders drooped and the tears she had valiantly been holding back broke past their invisible barrier to slide down her cheeks.

“Who is…? Spike?” Giles questioned, uncertain.

She just nodded, unable to give voice to the words again.

“But…that is…” Typical Giles, when pulled out of his comfort zone, he stuttered and stammered, trying to make sense of it all.  Then, true to fashion, the glasses came off for a vigorous cleaning.  Buffy would have smile at the gesture if she weren’t so heartbroken.

“Yes.  Spike.”  Finally.  A confirmation of the events that were predestined to occur.  With understanding, came acceptance…followed by admiration and respect.  She was in awe that a vampire could change enough to become a savior of men.  Her voice was stronger now as she continued.

“Spike is going to save the world, and he’s going to die to do it.” Pride filled her voice.

“I don’t understand…how?”

“I can’t tell you how.  I’m only telling you this so you will cease your plans to pull him from my side.  He’s here to stay.  Deal with it.   He is my champion.”

“But...”

“Look, Giles.  When I went through that portal, they were waiting for me…the ones that had created the First Slayer.  They were gonna make me this half-demon, like they did her…and well…I didn’t want that.  So, I flashed a few Slayer moves taking two of them out before busting their staff and making the demon essence fade away.  I think I said something sarcastic like: tell me something I don’t know.   And, well, they did.  They showed it all to me... every last little bit.   Then, the next thing I knew I was lying on my living room floor.”

Giles stared at her, amazed that she had been gifted with such foresight.  Surely, it was something that would have to be recorded, having never known of an instance where a Slayer was shown how things would end.

Buffy watched the wheels turning in his head.  She began shaking her head no.

“But…”

“No, Giles.  Not one word.  Afterwards, go ahead.  Mark this day down in history for all world to see.  Immortalize my Spike on paper.  Just.   Not.  Now.”

With a resigned sigh, he nodded his assent.  He would wait.

“And you and him?”

“Will spend whatever time we have remaining... together.  I’m tired of conforming to everyone else’s standards.  I’m the Slayer.  I’m not meant for normal.  Spike is my other half.  It’s time I told him.  If the others can’t handle it…tough!  I neither want, nor asked, for their opinion.”

“They’re going to wonder…”

“So let them wonder.  I’m tired of explaining myself to them.  If they’re my friends, they’ll stand by my decision.  If not, well…I’m tired of doing what they think is best for me.  And, if you think to reassure them by what I’ve said here…don’t.  I’ve probably already pushed it by telling you.”

“I won’t say a word.  And, Spike?  Will you tell him?”

“I can’t,” she whispered. “He will have to make the decision of his own free will.”

“But you just said…”

“Oh, I have no doubt as to his choice.  You see, he loves me.  And, he’d do anything to keep me safe.  Even if it means dying.”

With those confident words hovering between the two of them, she turned and walked back to the house.  Her time with Spike was limited and she wanted to spend all of it with him.  She had a lot of living to do in a short period of time.  She needed to create as many happy memories as possible so that she could pull them out, reliving them at will, after he was gone.

~*~*~*~*~

Whatever Giles told the Scoobies must have been convincing, because no one asked her about Spike.  Weeks seemed to fly by as their small group prepared to do battle with the First.  When Buffy wasn’t training the potentials, she was out on patrol – with Spike at her side – or spending time alone with him. 

Their sleeping arrangements were still the same – they held one another close as they drifted off to sleep – but they had yet to consummate their newfound love.  For now, whispered words and tender kisses were shared between the two.  And while Buffy would like to show him how much she loved him, she hesitated, sensing that he was still adjusting to her acceptance of their love for one another.  Buffy didn’t mind, she would wait until he was ready.

And, if it never happened before he was gone.  Well, she was ok with that too.   Love wasn’t just about sex.  It was about being there for one another, in whatever capacity that may be.

~*~*~*~*~

About a week ago, Willow had gotten a call that she was needed in L.A. and when she came back, she had a new sidekick: her sister-Slayer, Faith.  The dark-haired Slayer still exhibited her trademark bad-girl attitude, but Buffy could see that her eyes were haunted.  The gruff exterior was a show to cover the pain of her mistakes.  With her new insight into life, Buffy forgave the girl for what she had done to her, the two having gone off to talk alone shortly after Faith arrived.

Buffy had listened as Faith told her of the situation in L.A.  How she'd broken out of jail after Wesley had come for her, the confrontation with Angelus and how she'd used her body to inject a serum that would incapacitate him, knowing that he would attempt to drain her.  She had slipped into a coma afterwards, lost in Angel’s dreams with no hope for redemption – only death.  In the end, she'd realized that she wasn’t supposed to die for her past crimes... but live.

After her story, Faith had told her about a girl they had found lying on the road.   Apparently, there was a new player in town, working for the First, and his name was Caleb.  Buffy showed no outward surprise, but inwardly she cringed.  It was just one more nail in the coffin, confirming her vision.  She had already known about Caleb.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 3

If Buffy had seen what would happen when she took the group to confront Caleb, she may have played her hand a little differently.  In the end, two girls had been killed and Xander, her poor, brave Xander, had one of his eyes gauged out.  Realizing the direct approach wasn’t working, they'd retreated in order to back up and regroup.

Battle weary, Buffy and a few of the others took Xander to the hospital.  Spike, along with Faith, led the remaining girls safely back to the house.

Giles opened the front door as he heard the group returning.  Immediately noticing the signs of fighting, and the more obvious losing, he exclaimed, “Dear Lord, what happened?”

“Preacher man is what happened. Threw us all over the winery like we were there for his bloody amusement.”

Spike moved aside and allowed the others to trail in after him, limping to the living room to fall exhausted into the seats scattered about the room.  Spike moved to follow them to check on their injuries but Giles’ words stopped him in his tracks.

“Spike, might I have a word with you?  In the kitchen?” he indicated with a jerk of his head in that direction.

Spike gave an abrupt nod and moved to the afforded privacy the kitchen provided.

“I have a mission for you,” Giles began without preamble.

“Oh, really? 'Cause, you know, sometimes your missions end up with you trying to kill me. I'm not fond of those,” he replied sarcastically.

“This is bona fide... with real ramifications. Take a look at this.”

“Looks like our boy's been here. You want me to go check it out?

“I need someone who can take care of themselves in case Caleb has... left some souvenirs.  Why don’t you take Andrew with you?”  The pleading note of the watcher’s voice was not lost on the vampire.  With a slight smirk, he said that he would.

“Does Buffy know?”

“I haven’t had a chance to inform her yet.  Dawn discovered this bit of information while you were at the winery.  I can let her know you left when she returns…speaking of which, where is she?”

“The whelp got hurt.  She took him to the hospital.  She’s kinda shook up about it so go easy on her, alright?”

“Yes…yes, of course.”

“Right then.  I’m gonna leave now, I just want to leave Buffy a quick note telling her I’ll be back tomorrow night…hopefully with some good news.”   He walked to the door leading down to the basement and slipped inside.   Downstairs, he made quick work of telling Buffy where he was going and why and that he would see her tomorrow night.  Leaving the note on their bed, he climbed the stairs, grabbed the boy that had gotten volunteered for this mission by the scrap of his neck and moved him towards the kitchen door.  Outside, he barely made out the watcher’s words of, “Do be careful.” 

Shaking his head, for surely the vampire had to have heard the man wrong, he hopped on his motorcycle, allowing his passenger to settle on the seat behind him, before he roared off out of town.

~*~*~*~*~

It was an hour before dawn when they arrived at the location Giles had given him.   They stepped inside the deserted church, their “hello” echoing back to them along the walls of the vacant hallway.  Out of nowhere, Andrew was attacked.

“Spike!”

Spike quickly intervened, shoving the would-be assailant up against the stone wall.

“Tell me about the mark,” he demanded of the cleric.

“Uh…”

“Hey!” he began, noticing the similarity of dress between him and the Bringers.   “Are you part of Caleb’s faction?”

“No…no!”

“Then, tell me what happened here.”  Spike could smell the fear dripping from the monk, and allowed his arm to slip down from where it held him pinned against the wall.

“I’ll do better.  I’ll show you.  One night, some time ago, a man arrived at our doors.”

“And you said, ‘come in, do some damage’?” Spike replied sarcastically.

“We are…we are a benevolent order, and, yes, we welcomed him. We offered to feed him... but he had come for something else. Behind this, he revealed something even we didn't know was here. A secret room. He was excited, talking the whole time... destiny, that sort of thing.”

“Yeah. We hear he's a real smooth talker,” Spike muttered.

“He was going on about this ancient inscription…He read it... and he didn't like what it said. His temper... He was the purest evil I've ever seen. He burned his mark upon me. And then I ran and I hid... and I listened to the others die.”

Spike looked at the inscription.

“It is not for thee. It is for her alone to wield.”

Since the sun was now full upon them, they accepted the monk’s hospitality to stay.   Spike begged off from breakfast, just wanting to find a bed and sleep.   Nodding, the monk lead him to a small room that had a twin bed and very few furnishings…best of all, no windows.  Thanking the monk, he closed the door and stretched out on the bed, not even bothering to pull off his boots.  Moments later, he was sound asleep.

~*~*~*~*~

As soon as the sun set, Spike was out the door and on his motorcycle.  If he hauled ass, he could be back before midnight.  His dreams were troubled – nothing he could put his finger on upon waking, just a vague sense of unease – and he had difficulty sleeping, which is why he stayed in his room until just before they left.  

Gunning the motor, he sped off towards home, and Buffy.

~*~*~*~*~

It was a few minutes before midnight when Spike pulled up before Buffy’s house.  Andrew’s incessant chatter had started to grate on his nerves an hour outside the city and he’d been sorely tempted to leave the wanker behind to find his own way back…but, the soul won out, and he’d sucked it up for the last hour’s ride home.

He’d have to remember to return the favor to the watcher.  Spike’s eyes narrowed in contemplation on how he could repay the man. 

Rushing inside the kitchen door, eager to impart his news, Spike was met with the somber face of Giles and Faith.

“What?  What is it? Is Buffy ok?” he asked in rapid-fire succession.

“Everything’s fine, Spike.  It’s just…Buffy hasn’t left the cellar since she got home last night.  You see…she blames herself about what happened…to the potentials…and Xander.”

Realizing that his girl was safe, just “brooding” for want of a better word, Spike relaxed his suddenly tense muscles.  He moved to check on Buffy but was brought up short by Giles’ question.

“Were you able to find out anything of use?”

“Nothing concrete…but, it probably plays in to Caleb’s taunt that he had something of Buffy’s.”

“What is it?”

“Lemme get the Slayer first.  She’ll want to hear this.”

“Yes, of course…we’ll wait for you in the living room.”

Spike nodded and went to see about his girl.

~*~*~*~*~

Spike came to an abrupt halt at the bottom of the stairs.  Buffy was just…“lying there” didn’t even begin to describe her appearance.  She looked broken, a former shell of herself.

“Buffy?” he called out, crossing the floor to kneel by the bed.  She didn’t acknowledge him.  Worried now, he got off the floor.  Scooping her listless body in his arms, he turned around and sat on the bed, holding her close. “Buffy? Pet, talk to me.”

“It’s my fault,” she said softly, sometime later.

“There’s always casualties in a war.”

“Casualties… it just sounds so… casual. These are girls.... that I got killed. I cut myself off from them, all of them. I knew I was going to lose some of them and I didn’t… You know what? I’m still making excuses. I’ve always cut myself off, I’ve always… being the Slayer made me different, but it’s my fault I stayed that way. People are always trying to connect to me but I just… slip away. You should know.”

“I seem to recall a certain amount of connecting these past several weeks.”  

That got her attention.

“Now…you listen to me,” he told her. “I’ve been alive a bit longer than you and dead a lot longer than that. I’ve seen things you couldn’t imagine and done things I’d prefer you didn’t. I don’t exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood, which doesn’t exactly rush in the direction of my brain, so I make a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years and there’s only one thing I’ve ever been sure of. You. Hey, look at me. I’m not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, it’s not because I want you, or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you, and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman. You’re the one, Buffy.

“Oh, Spike…I love you.  I really do!”

He cupped her face with both of his hands, gently forcing her to look at him.  To see his face so she would know how much he loved her…always would.

“And, I love you.  You’re it for me…I’ll love you forever and beyond.”  The whispered words enveloped her like a security blanket, making her feel safe, cherished... and loved.  Most definitely, loved.

Buffy didn’t know who moved first.  Years later, if she paused to reflect on that moment, she would have to say it was like they were two halves drawn together in perfect tandem of the other.  One head lowered, while the other lifted.  Their lips brushed back and forth, the touch so light it was like butterfly wings whispering across their surface.  They connected as only two people who had been to hell and back and managed to survive, could.  Each knew the other’s weaknesses and strengths, knew their likes and dislikes.  Both used full advantage of that knowledge.  Their lips continued to brush back and forth, until finally, Spike began nibbling on her bottom lip.  Soft, teasing nips that created a burning ache, deep within her core.   Sighing, pulling him closer, their delicate touch gave way as passion quickly erupted between the two.

Thoughts of Caleb, Spike’s recent discovery, the damage done at the winery – they all slipped away as the two became consumed with each other. 

Mouths opened and realigned.  Tongues thrust to mate with the other, a prelude to the dance that was soon to follow. 

Spike leaned over, gently guiding Buffy back against the pillows behind her.  He toed off his boots and shifted his legs so he could stretch out beside her.  The whole while his lips never left hers.

The moment was bittersweet for Buffy.  She instinctively knew it was just a matter of days before their final showdown was due to start.  Their lovemaking was different from all the other instances they'd come together.   Whereas before, it had been all about instant gratification followed quickly by self-mortification, this time Buffy allowed herself to love, and be loved in return.

They undressed each other slowly, the reverence of their movements coming as no shock to the other.  They had said the words, meant it with ever fiber of their being, now they were allowing their bodies to show one another how much.

Whispered sighs broke the silence, hands skimmed along bare flesh, affirmative sounds announced their enjoyment to the other.  When they could stand the pleasurable torture no longer, Spike slid home, words of love spilling forth from his lips.   Slowly, he began to move…showed her with his body how much he adored her, cherished her. 

Buffy, couldn’t get enough of him.  Her hands were constantly moving: running through his hair, fingertips tracing the contours of his cheekbones, arms wrapping around his back to hold him close.  All the while, her eyes were open, watching him.   She refused to look away…wanted to see the love that was burning like a bright beacon behind his eyes.

‘I’ll go to my grave with that look of his etched in my mind.’

All too soon, the pleasure became too much for either of them to bear, and holding each other tight, they sailed over the edge secure in the knowledge that they would catch one another as they fell. Collapsing together in a tangle of arms and limbs, they cuddled together.  Whispered words of love and devotion filled the quiet room as they gently floated down from the peaks the two had attained.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 4

A knock at their door and Giles’ “Are you coming?” had Spike softly cussing up a storm, too upset at being interrupted from the special moment he and Buffy were sharing to giving him some snarky remark that, “Yes, indeed he had.”

Climbing out of bed, he picked up his discarded clothes, quickly pulling them on.

“Sorry, luv, I found out a bit of news, and I told the watcher we’d be up to tell them about it.”  Reaching a hand down, Spike helped her up and out of bed, retrieving her clothes for her.  Buffy dressed just as quickly as he, eager to get this confrontation over with, so the two could return to their room.  Buffy planned to spend the whole night making love to Spike.  She wanted to prove to him how much she loved him, so that when the time came, he would go to his grave knowing she too would love him “forever and beyond.”

~*~*~*~*~

“So, you see…Buffy was right.  Caleb is hiding something.  And, he’s bloody well put out that apparently only Buffy can wield it, whatever it is.”

“From the tone of that phrase, it sounds like some kind of weapon.”

“Sounds about right, mate.  The baddies don’t play nice when they hear about something that can destroy their carefully thought-out plans of destruction.  We’re gonna have to go back and find it…whatever it is.”

“It’s too dangerous.”  This from Buffy.

“Which is why it’ll just be me and you…and possibly Faith here.”  

Faith nodded, indicating she was game.

Resigned, Buffy nodded.  One more piece of the puzzle slipping in to place.   Who was she to think that she could alter fate?

The potentials, upon hearing they wouldn’t be needed for this mission, got up and made their way to bed. 

The three determined that they would hit the winery tomorrow night after a full day spent resting and recuperating.  Giles gave Buffy a pointed look, which she blatantly ignored.   There was no way in hell she wasn’t following through with her plans for Spike.  Giles could just deal.

~*~*~*~*~

Buffy and Spike went back to the basement.  They spent the rest of the night showing each other with words and their bodies how much they loved one another.  As the sun began to rise, they fell into an exhausted sleep within the other's arms. 

~*~*~*~*~

All too soon, sunset was upon them and the two quickly dressed to meet Faith in the kitchen.  They planned to hit the winery hard and fast with Faith and Spike keeping Caleb busy, while Buffy searched for the thing the pseudo-preacher was hiding.

They slipped silently into the night, each person lost in thought at the forthcoming confrontation.  Determination shown in their faces as they strode quickly to the winery; each knew that finding whatever it was that was for “her to wield” would be an important tool in their coming battle.

Buffy knew it was one more link in the events currently set in motion.

~*~*~*~*~

Buffy walked into the lower level of the winery where the barrels of wine, stacked one on top of the other, sat aging.

“Hey, I hear you’ve got something of mine.”

“Well, if it ain’t the prodigal Slayer…and her two friends.”

“Where’s it at? I’m going to find it sooner or later.”

“No, you’re not.  I lay one hand on you and you’re just a dead little girl.”

“I’d like to see you try, mate.” Spike’s smooth facial features slid away as his demon came to the fore, yellow eyes blazing at the man.   Beside him, Faith adopted a battle pose.

“Keep him busy. I’ll be as quick as I can,” she said softly to her companions, her eyes never leaving Caleb’s.

Buffy charged him first, but at the last possible second, she vaulted over him slipping deeper into the storage area.  Before Caleb could turn around and go after her, Spike and Faith were upon him.

Buffy quickly moved away, her eyes scanning for a possible hidden entrance, as the distance sounds of a scuffle floated back to her.

‘Don’t worry about them. They can take care of themselves.  Just concentrate on finding the thing,’  her inner-voice commanded.

Turning to the task at hand, she made quick work of finding a hidden entrance.  Flipping off the covering, she dropped through the hole, landing in a crouch on the ground below.   She walked around, trying to get her bearings.  It was dark down there, extremely so.  The only source of light seemed to be a slight distance away, and she stumbled as she made her way towards it.

As she neared it, her mouth dropped in astonishment.  Imbedded in a rock, the scene straight out of The Sword in the Stone, was a beautifully carved, red scythe.  Crafted of the finest metal, the razor-sharp axe portion was buried deep in the hard rock; the base ended in a separate weapon, one meant to kill the gathering army of Turok-Han – a sharp, pointy stake.

Getting her legs in motion, Buffy circled the stone, seeking the best way to go about removing the weapon from its confinement.  In the end, all she had to do was pull in from the hard rock.  The weapon realized that she was its rightful master.

With a quick prayer of thanks at her ease in retrieving the item, she hurried to rejoin the others.

The sound of Spike's name being called had her running hell-bent for the opening and launching herself up and through the hole.  She landed, doing a somersault, the weapon poised and ready to defend.

Her gaze took the scene before in a glance, and her breath caught in her throat as she noticed Spike knocked unconscious against a far wall.  She turned to Caleb and saw him effortlessly throw Faith against another, the impact eliciting a groan from her lips before she too slipped into unconsciousness.

“Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?” Buffy announced, drawing Caleb’s attention away from his fallen victims.  Rising to her feet, she twirled the scythe with deadly precision before assuming a battle pose.

“I see you’ve found it,” he began conversationally, his slight head bob indicating the weapon in her hand.  “No matter.  I’ll just kill you and take it off your hands.”

“You’re welcome to try,” she taunted.  Moving forward into the open area of the cellar, Buffy waited for him to attack.

She didn’t have to wait long.

Caleb launched himself at her, his fury at her taunt enraging him to action.  Buffy waited until the last possible moment before sidestepping, slamming the butt of the scythe into his back, aiding his forward progress so that he smashed into the barrels stacked against the wall, sending them tumbling from their perch to topple onto his prone body.

She was too busy with her ongoing skirmish to notice the dark-haired vampire watching silently from the wings.  Tucked in the shadows, Angel watched as the preacher threw off the barrels lying on top of him and came to his feet with a bellow of rage.

‘You are so gonna lose,’  he thought to himself as he watched, waiting to see if he would be needed to lend a hand.

Buffy didn’t bother to toy with him, she needed to check on her fallen comrades, needed to make sure Spike was ok.  So, as Caleb charged her once again, she crouched low and at the last possible moment, swung the scythe in a wide arc slicing him diagonally from waist to shoulder.

“Noooo…” he whispered, right before he fell to the ground.  Coming to her feet, Buffy moved to stand beside him, the scythe held loosely at her side.  Her eyes narrowed as she gazed down at the thing that had taking out a few of the young girls in her care and gouged out the eye of her friend, Xander.  He didn’t seem so cocky now.  With a quick flick of her wrist, she twirled the weapon before sending it on a downward strike to sever his head. 

Leaving the weapon there for now, she turned away from him to seek out Spike, desperate to reassure herself that he was all right.

She hadn’t taken two steps before she finally noticed the presence of a second vampire and she shook her head in disgust that she had left her weapon behind.   Assuming a battle pose, she waited for the vampire to appear.

Buffy watched in amazement as Angel stepped from the shadows.  She relaxed her pose, allowing the adrenaline to drain from her body.

“Angel?” she asked.

“You look good, Buffy.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Heard about the impending apocalypse and came to help.”  He gestured to the amulet he held in his hand.  Seeing it, Buffy’s face went pale.  She had seen that before, knew what it was designed to do. 

“…anyway, it bestows strength to the right person who wears it.”

“And the right person is?” she asked, although she already knew the answer.

“Someone ensouled but stronger than human. A champion. As in me.”  In a brief moment of panic she thought, ‘Yes…let Angel do it.’  Then she pushed the thought aside.  It wasn’t what was meant to be.  But, oh how she wished—

“So you’re going to be with me in this?”

“Shoulder-to-shoulder. I’m yours.”

“No,” she said finally.  Her vision did not allow for Angel to be there.

“No what?”

“No. You’re not going to be in this fight.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because I can’t risk you.”

“You need me in this.”

“No, I need you gone.” And she meant it.  She couldn’t deal with what was to come if she had Angel constantly standing over her shoulder.

“Why?”

“If I lose… if this thing gets past Sunnydale… then it’s days, maybe hours, before the rest of the world goes. I need a second front and I need you to run it.” She said the words, even knowing that it wouldn’t be necessary.  This thing would be contained, in Sunnydale.  Spike would see to that.

“Okay. That’s one reason. What’s the other?”

“There is no other,” she said defensively.

“Is it Spike? You’re not telling me something and his scent… I remember it pretty well.”

“You vampires. Didn’t anybody ever tell you the whole ‘smelling people’ thing’s a little gross?”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“Is that your business?” she responded, somewhat shortly. 

“Are you in love with him… Okay, maybe I’m out of line but this is kind of a curve ball for me. I mean…we are talking about Spike here.”

“It’s different. He’s different. He has a soul now.”

“Oh... well.”

“What?”

“That’s great,” he said sarcastically. “Everyone’s got a soul now.”

“He’ll make a difference.” And he would.  The thought that it was finally happening, the event was finally coming to pass, brought tears to her eyes.

“You know, I started it… the whole having a soul. Before it was the cool new thing.”

“Oh, my god, are you like twelve?” she demanded, incredulous.

“I’m getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide. It doesn’t necessarily bring out the champion in me.”

“You’re not getting the brush-off. Are you just going to come here and go all ‘Dawson’ on me every time I have a boyfriend?”

“Aha! Boyfriend.”

“He’s not.”  Spike was so much more than a mere boyfriend.  He was her other half, her reason for being.  She didn’t know how to explain that to Angel so simply said, “But… he is in my heart.”

“That’ll end well.”

Buffy stood there, hands on her hips and glared at her ex.

“What was the highlight of our relationship— when you broke up with me or when I killed you?” she demanded.  “I’m well aware of my stellar history with guys and no, I don’t see fat grandchildren in the offing with Spike.” The thought hurt, but she voiced it anyway. “But I don’t think that really matters right now. You know, in the midst of all this insanity, a couple of things are actually starting to make sense. And the guy thing…”

Her voice trailed off, Spike had just groaned.

“Look, you better go…gimme the amulet.  I know what to do with it.”

Taking the amulet from his outstretched hand, Buffy slipped it around her neck and tucked it under her blouse before turning away from him and rushing over to Spike.  She didn’t bother to see if Angel did as she asked or not.  Her concern was for Spike; she needed to reassure herself that he was ok.

“Spike?” she called out, dropping to her knees beside him.  She ran her gaze over him, panicked, as she checked for visible injuries.  He tried to sit up and Buffy slipped her arm around his back to help him.

“Did you get it?” he asked. 

Leave it to Spike to push aside his own hurt.

“Yes, I did.”  He looked up at her, questioningly.  She inclined her head to where Caleb lay on the floor, the scythe imbedded in the ground between his head and the rest of his body.  Spike followed her gaze and smirked.  Turning back to her he quirked his scared brow.

Seeing it brought a smile to her lips.  He answered with one of his own.

“Right… how’s Faith?”

“Oh my God… Faith!”  Her head whipped around to the dark-haired girl that was slowly coming out of her stupor.

“You'll be ok?” she whispered to Spike.  At his nod, she stood up and rushed over to her fellow Slayer. 

“Faith?  Are you alright?”

“Fine, B.  Help me up,” she asked as she held out her hand.  Buffy obliged, quickly pulling the girl to her feet.  “Tell me all this slam-dancing was worth it.”

A smile lit up Buffy’s face and she gestured to the scythe.

“Right on, B!”  Leaving her side, Faith walked over to where Caleb lay, her minor injuries forgotten as her eyes beheld the scythe.   She gripped the handle and easily removed it from where it was stuck in the ground.   She palmed it, twirling it about…getting a feel for the weapon held in her hands.

“It’s powerful,” she commented.

“You can feel it too?” Buffy asked, coming to stand next to the girl.

“Oh yeah…what a rush!” Faith grinned, and Buffy couldn't help but smile back.  “Too bad there aren’t more…but then again, there was only supposed to ever be one Slayer.”

“Yeah, I know.”  Walking back to Spike, Buffy slipped an arm around his back, pulling his arm around her shoulders.  She hauled him to his feet, wincing when she heard him groan.

Together the three left the winery, eager to show the others what they had found.

Buffy also needed to mention the spell that she planned on having Willow do.  Their Slayer numbers were about to grow exponentially.

She smiled at the thought.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 5

Back at the house, Giles was practically gushing over their new weapon.  The small group of Scoobies, Faith, and Spike were clustered in the kitchen discussing their plan of attack.

“The craftsmanship…it’s remarkable…”

“Yeah, and the power,” Faith added.

“Power?” Giles questioned.

“You don’t feel it?”  This from Buffy.

“Uh… no… but, it’s still a fine weapon.”

“Must be a Slayer thing,” Buffy commented.  “Listen, I have a plan…”

~*~

“…Buffy, what you said…it flies in the face of everything we’ve ever… of what every generation has done in the fight against evil…I think it’s bloody brilliant,” Giles gushed.

“You mean that?”

“If you want my opinion,” he replied softly.  Over the last several weeks she had astonished him.  Knowing full well what was about to happen, she never let on.  Never let the grimness of the situation get to her.  She motivated, encouraged, trained… she was just Buffy.  And he was in awe of her.  When this was all over, he’d spend the rest of his lifetime immortalizing the actions of this Slayer.  So that future generations of her line could look back and see the deeds she had accomplished.

Willow broke in at some point to put in her two cents.  After last year’s “crazy witch phase” she was reluctant to perform such a powerful spell.

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think you could handle it,” Buffy told her friend.

“I’m not sure that I’m stable enough.”

“You can do this, Willow,” Giles encouraged.  “We’ll get the coven on the line and we’ll find out how they can help.”

It was time to tell the others of their plan.

~*~

Buffy looked around the room, her eyes locking momentarily with each face she encountered before she spoke.

“I hate this. I hate being here. I hate that you have to be here. I hate that there’s evil and that I was chosen to fight it. I wish a whole lot of the time that I hadn’t been. I know a lot of you wish I hadn’t been, either. But this isn’t about wishes. This is about choices. I believe we can beat this evil. Not when it comes. Not when its army is ready. Now. Tomorrow morning I’m opening the Seal. I’m going down into the Hellmouth and I’m finishing this once and for all. Right now you’re asking yourselves what makes this different. ‘What makes us anything more than a bunch of girls being picked off one by one?’ It’s true, none of you have the power that Faith and I do. So here’s the part where you make a choice.”

Taking a breath, she launched into her plan.  She watched as their eyes lit up, understanding dawning on their face.  A few even began to nod.

“What if you could have that power… now? In every generation one Slayer is born because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men.” Buffy stopped momentarily to look at Willow, point at her. “This woman is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change the rules. I say my power should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer, will be a Slayer. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power. Can stand up. Will stand up. Slayers…every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?”

~*~*~*~*~

After the emotion-filled speech in the living room, Buffy left to return to her room – the basement she shared with Spike.  It was almost time and Buffy wanted to spend her last moments alone with him.

Spike watched as she left the living room, and moved to follow.  Together they descended the steps, closing themselves off from the others in the house.

They had just reached the bottom when Spike asked, “So…where’s tall, dark, and forehead?”

Buffy whipped around to look at him.

“Let me guess… you could smell him?”  He didn’t bother to answer.   He was sore, not dead…well, he was.  But he wasn’t deaf.  He’d heard her conversation with Angel.  All of it.  That she thought that they wouldn’t be together…even if he couldn’t give her grandchildren…it hurt.

“Where’s the trinket?”

“The who-ket?” she stalled.  God, she didn’t want this to play out this way.  She had hoped he wouldn’t find out about it, that she could be the one to wear it.  Leave it to the fates to stick to the script.

“The pretty little necklace your ‘sweetie-bear’ gave you.  The one with all the power.  I believe it’s mine now.”

“How do you figure?” a little miffed about the sweetie-bear comment.  Didn’t he realize how much this conversation was killing her?  Of course he didn’t. Spike hadn’t seen the movie like she had; for her this was a repeat performance.

“Someone with a soul, but more than human?  Angel meant to wear it.  That means I’m the qualified party.”  He held out his hand…waiting.

“It’s volatile.  We don’t know…”

“You’ll be needing someone strong to bear it then.  You plan on giving it to Andrew?”

“Angel said it was meant to be worn by a champion.”  Spike’s face fell and his hand dropped away.  Turning from her, he walked over to the bed.  He didn’t see as she slipped the amulet from around her neck.

Fisting it in her hand tight enough to draw blood, she walked over to Spike.  His head was down gazing at the floor as he sat on the bed.  Kneeling before him, she put her empty hand under his chin and raised his gaze to hers. 

Spike was shocked by the emotion blazing behind her eyes.  Her hazel eyes glowed with her love for him.

“You are my champion, Spike,” her whispered words belied the conviction in her voice.  “Forever and beyond…” His earlier words to her were repeated back to him.

Lifting his palm in her hand, she placed the amulet in his, using her fingers to close his around the object.  Her heart broke in that moment, knowing that she had just sealed the fate of her love.

“I love you,” she murmured before throwing her arms around his neck and holding him tight to her.

His own arms banded around her back and Spike held her close.  His reciprocating words of love floated around her.  Together, they held one another before their bodies craved a more intimate touch.

Clothes were quickly shed as the two came together in a testament of their love.   Throughout the night, they showed each other – by word and deed – how much they meant to the other.  An hour before dawn’s first rays lit the sky, the two lovers fell into an exhausted sleep, Spike’s arms wrapped protectively around Buffy.

~*~*~*~*~

They awoke to the sound of knocking on the door.  It was time.

Buffy and Spike dressed quickly…quietly.  Both were lost in thought.  It took all she had for Buffy to keep silent and not say anything about what was to occur.   She wanted nothing more that to run – screw the Hellmouth, her sacred duty.   In the end, she did nothing – just dressed with a silence that was oppressive.  

Sensing her unease, Spike walked over to her.  Pulling her close, he whispered, “It’ll be ok.”  She nodded against his chest and bit her lip to keep from saying anything.   If she spoke, the damn holding her emotions at bay would break and she would confess all to him.

Gripping her shoulders, he pushed her to arms length.  He trailed one hand down the side of her face, tucking a stray lock behind her ear.

“I’ll take the sewers and meet you at the school.  Be careful.”

He gave her a quick, hard kiss and was gone.

Walking up the stairs, Buffy went to meet the others.

~*~*~*~*~

They strode into the high school.  Wood’s voice rang out in the deserted hallways.

“Welcome to Sunnydale High. There’s no running in the halls, no yelling, no gum chewing. Apart from that, there’s only one rule: if they move, kill them.”

Buffy saw Spike slowly walking down the hallway towards their group. 

“Okay, potentials in the basement. Follow Faith and Spike.” Faith walked over to the blond vampire and together they led the soon-to-be Slayers down the hallway towards the basement.

Wood showed Willow where she could set up for her spell, pointing towards his office.   Kennedy grabbed the scythe and supplies, starting off in that direction.   Willow wanted a last chat with her friends of so many years.

Giles and Wood headed to the lounge.  Anya and Andrew made their way to the north hall. 

That left Dawn, Willow, Xander and Buffy alone in the entryway. 

Buffy turned to speak to Dawn.

“I’m going to check out our field of engagement,” Dawn stated.

“Dawn…” Buffy began.

“No!  Anything you say is going to sound like goodbye.”  Buffy’s shoulders fell and she nodded.  She watched as her sister made her way down the hall towards the atrium.

“Guys, I…” Buffy started.

“It’s ok, Buffy,” Willow said.  “We know.”  The three embraced and Buffy watched as her friends made their way to their respective spots.   She wasn’t too worried, she knew she’d see them both later…her sister too.

With a heavy heart, she started towards the basement.

~*~*~*~*~

Buffy used her blood to open the seal and she and the Potentials followed one after the other into the hole; Spike and Faith brought up the rear.  As all of them made their way to the edge, they gaped in astonishment.  Thousands upon thousands of Turok-Han stood below them waiting for battle.

“I’m not worried,” Buffy began, trying to reassure the others, and herself.   “As long as Willow can work her spell before they…”

Buffy’s eyes widened as the army caught sight of them.

“…see us,” she whispered.  “Willow…”

~*~*~*~*~

Upstairs in Wood’s office, Willow was enveloped by the magic swirling around her.   Her hair went white and she allowed the power of the scythe to channel through her to the awaiting potentials.

“Oh… my…goddess,” she breathed.  The magic that swirled through her body had left her feeling breathless but, oh so wonderful.

“You’re a goddess,” Kennedy replied, referring to her suddenly white hair.

“And… you’re a Slayer.  Here,” she began, handing Kennedy the scythe, “Get this to Buffy.”

~*~*~*~*~

One by one, the girls felt the essence of the Slayer envelop them.  It changed their whole outlook on the battle before them.  Gone were the meek girls, in their place stood Slayers, ready to take on whatever evil stepped in their path.

“Buffy!” Kennedy called out.  With a flick of her wrist, she launched the scythe towards her.  Buffy grabbed it and started hacking away at Turok-Hans as they crested the rise. 

Behind her she heard Spike comment, “Buffy! Whatever this thing does, I think it’s…” She turned towards him and fell as a sword was impaled in her flesh.  Weakly, she called out to Faith.

“Hold the line…” She threw the weapon to Faith and collapsed on the ground.   She didn’t feel a thing as several demons trampled her in their quest for the exit.  Then, no more trampled her.  The girls were holding them back.

Slowly, she became aware of her surroundings and watched as a couple Slayers fell. 

Then, the First was before her, taunting her.

“Oh, no… ow! Mommy, this mortal wound is all… itchy. You pulled a nice trick. You came pretty close to smacking me down. What more do you want?”

“I want you… to get out of my face!”  Rising slowly to her feet, she heard her name called and then the scythe was in her hand.  She began methodically hacking at Turok-Han until she heard Spike call her name.

“Buffy!”

Buffy turned and watched as Spike’s amulet lit up casting a bright ray of light that instantly disintegrated any demon it encountered.

“Spike!”  Dropping the scythe, she rushed to his side.

Scared to touch him, but helpless not to, she reached out and touched his face.  The soft touch of her fingertips grazed his sharp cheekbones before sliding around to trace his lips.

“I can feel it, Buffy,” he whispered, amazed.

“What?” she asked, although she already knew.  The look in his eyes said it all.

“My soul.  It’s really there…” Tears slipped helplessly down her face.  This was it.  This was the end… for him.  For them.  No!   Not for them.  He would be with her always…forever and beyond.  She’d promised him that. 

She concentrated on him, ignoring the destruction of the cavern around her.

“I love you, Spike,” she told him.  He just looked at her and nodded.   The amulet he wore made it impossible for him to speak, the power of it wiping him of the breath necessary to form words.  Her body was held taut as the magic of his soul powered the amulet, destroying the evil around him.

When the last demon was vaporized, the amulet eased for a moment allowing him to speak.

“Time for you to leave, luv.”

“No…I…”

“Buffy…it’s time for you to leave.  Remember… forever and beyond.”   His smile was a little wistful.  He wanted nothing more that to spend the rest of his unlife with her, but it wasn’t in the cards.  The last few weeks they spent together would be forever etched in his mind.  And, he’d gladly sacrifice himself if it meant her being safe.

Lifting his hand, he reached for her, once more overcome by the power of the amulet.   She didn’t hesitate, instantly raising her own to link with his.  She ignored the pain as his hand burst into flame, wanting to remain tethered to him.  As if she alone could prevent what was about to happen.

“Spike…”

His name whispered softly from her lips had him turning to look at her again. 

Behind her, Faith was leading the potentials hell-bent out of the cavern.  The place was going up…or down, as the case may be.

“B, come on!” Faith shouted from the seal opening.

Buffy ignored her, her gaze locked with Spike’s, her hand still linked with his.

“Buffy…Go…Live,” he mouthed.  “I love you.”

Releasing his hand, she stood up on tiptoes and softly brushed her lips across his.   The cavern was quickly falling down around her.  She had to go.

“I love you, Spike.”

He gifted her with a smile.  It conveyed such a wealth of emotion.  His eyes lit up.  His love for her was blatant for any who chose to see.  How she could have ever thought that he couldn’t love her?

With one last glance that would have to hold her, she turned and rushed towards the portal…determined to live for him.

She didn’t see as Spike slowly burned, his body fading to ash, taking the rest of the Hellmouth and Sunnydale with him.  Buffy somehow had managed to make it to the rooftop of the school, and just before it collapsed, she jumped, landing on the roof of the bus carrying the others to safety.

The bus picked up speed as it attempted to outrun the backlash of the Hellmouth imploding.   Buffy tried valiantly to keep her balance when the bus lurched first left then right as it found the road out of town.  The explosion behind her almost tumbled her from her perch, so she lay down hoping that would help keep her atop the bus.

On the outskirts of town, Giles brought the bus to a stop.  

The battle-weary occupants filed out, just as Buffy dropped to the ground.  Dawn threw herself at her sister, holding her tight.  Buffy hugged her back, grateful her sister had made it out alive.   She looked up, seeing who was still among the living: Giles, Willow, Xander…good.   Andrew, Kennedy, Faith… She looked around, her eyes falling back on Faith.  

Faith gave her a slight smile.  “He’s on the bus.” 

“Ah…” Buffy had noticed Faith and Wood seemed to be getting close the last few days.  It would be good for the girl to have him around.  He was a decent man and would treat her right.

Releasing her sister, she walked towards the crater where Sunnydale used to be.

‘Goodbye, Spike.’

Xander and Willow walked up towards her to gaze at the pit they used to call home.

“What happened?” Xander asked, confused.  Buffy couldn’t get the words out.  She was numb, physically and emotionally.  If she said anything right now, she’d start crying – and she didn’t think she’d be able to stop.

Giles saved her, however.

“Spike,” he said.

“Spike what?”

“He died to save us all…and Buffy knew…this whole time.  Ever since she came back from that portal.  She’s been carrying this burden, this knowledge of what was going to happen, since then.”

“Oh… Buffy,” Willow exclaimed. “That’s why…” she couldn’t continue.  The anguished look on Buffy’s face as she stared out over the destruction that was Sunnydale, prevented Willow from finishing.  Her friend looked moments away from a total breakdown.

Buffy continued to stare at the humongous pit, her jaw working…

No one said anything; they just waited silently until she was ready to leave.

Finally, Buffy turned away from the mess, and made her way towards the bus.

“What are we going to do now?” Dawn asked.

A slight smile on Buffy’s lips was her only answer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Epilogue

They didn’t travel far…got as far as Los Angeles, actually.  Buffy couldn’t explain it.  It wasn’t like she wanted to be in the same city as Angel…far from it.  Right now, she was too raw.  To see him and know that he could have been the one and not Spike…well, it was too much for her broken heart to deal with.

They shacked up at Angel’s old haunt, The Hyperion, however.  Apparently, Angel and crew had moved on to bigger and better things, but he still owned the hotel.   His crew were now heading up the evil law firm Wolfram & Hart.  Whatever.   She didn’t see them…didn’t really see any of them, for that matter.  

For the entire summer, Buffy spent her days locked away in her room.  The nights she spent out on patrol, making sure she wouldn’t cross paths with Angel.  She didn’t want to see anyone.  Her hurt was too new, too raw.  Her pain too great to share with anyone else.  On some level she was aware of Willow’s upset…she too had lost someone she loved.  Xander as well.

But, right now she just couldn’t bear to hear their concern.  They had never cared for Spike, and the “I’m sorry” that would flow from her friends’ lips would leave a bitter taste in her mouth.

So, she stayed secluded.

~*~*~*~*~

Buffy came awake with a start, unsure exactly what it was that woke her.  Her eyes darted about the room, trying to make out anything that might be out of place or lurking in the shadows.

Sensing nothing, she fell back on the pillows.  Determined to fall back asleep, but knowing she was going to be awake for awhile, Buffy lay there in bed and thought about him.

Spike.

She prayed that his last good deed had enabled him to see heaven.  She hated to think of him spending eternity in hell.

She was filled with a sudden sense of unease and she jerked upright it bed once more.

“Who’s there?” she called out to the silent, darkened room.  “I know someone’s there…show yourself.”

Frustrated at a lack of response, she threw the covers off of her and got out of bed.   Standing in her tank top and short pajamas, she made her way around the room, looking for whatever it was that had her ‘Slayer senses’ going haywire.

Her quick circuit of the space yielded nothing, and it was with frustration that she fell back across her bed.

Now she’d never get back to sleep.

She lay there for about ten minutes before she felt it again.

“Dammit!” she cried sitting up.  “Show yourself already.  I’m tired and I want to go back to sleep.”

Something pulled her gaze towards her closed door.  She watched intently as a white, clear mist suddenly appeared before the door.  Slowly, it began to take shape. As she began to make out sharp cheekbones and a wide, full bottom lip, Buffy hurled herself out of bed to stand before the image.

“Spike?” she asked, reaching a hand before her.  Then, the mist settled and he stood before her, her Spike.  That cocky grin was on his face and Buffy couldn’t help the tears that fell silently down her face. 

He saw them, frowned, and reached a hand out as if to halt their path, brush them aside.

Buffy closed her eyes and waited for his touch.

It never came.

Her eyes flew open, praying that it hadn’t been a figment of her imagination.   He was still there, frowning intently at her. He was looking at his hands as if they were a puzzle he was trying to solve.  Then, he shook himself off and looked at her.

Her breath caught at the feeling radiating from his eyes. 

He raised his hand again and let it trail just above her face, as if he were reacquainting himself with her features.

“I love you,” he mouthed.

“Oh… Spike!  I love you too!  I’ve missed you so much…” Her voice trailed off, suddenly overcome by emotion once more.  She smiled at him through her tears, attempting to let him know that even though she was crying, it was with happiness not sorrow.

She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and hold him tight—

Buffy’s eyes flew wide, Spike’s name frozen on her lips.  Vaguely, she took in the sunlight creeping around the shades of her window.  Judging from the brightness of her room, it had to be late afternoon.

Suddenly antsy, she pulled off her pajamas and got dressed.  Buffy couldn’t explain it…but she needed to be somewhere.  She didn’t know quite where yet, would figure it out once she was on her way.

She flew down the stairs and bolted for the front door, not even bothering to tell the others that she was going out.  No one was in the front entry, which saved her from having to explain anyway.  Her feet ate up the sidewalk, with no clear destination in mind.  She closed her mind off to everything…concentrating on where it was she needed to be.  People, car, noises…they all fell away as she walked.

On and on she placed one foot in front of the other, her body in a semi-trancelike state.

It was with no small amount of surprise that Buffy found herself in front of the law offices of Wolfram & Hart.  She came out of her stupor to realize that night had fallen.  And from the looks of it, several hours ago.  Not questioning her judgment, she pushed open the glass doors and walked inside. 

A security guard attempted to stop her, but she barely spared him a glance.  She was on a mission and nothing, or no one, was going to get in her way.  She was distantly aware of the phone behind the information desk ringing, the security guard moving to answer it.   A few nods, and he was replacing the phone in its receiver.

“Excuse me, miss?  Buffy?”

The sound of her name brought her head around from where she'd been facing the elevator doors. Her eyes narrowed as she regarded him.

“If you’ll… uh…come with me.” He pointed to a private elevator on the other side of the lobby.  “There’s…uh…a private elevator that will take you up…upstairs.”  There was something about the look in her eye that had him stuttering profusely.

Her look of irritation fell away, and she gifted him with a slight smile.  He tentatively returned it with one of his own.  He’d seen many strange things since he had started working security for the law office over a year ago and did not want to get on her bad side.  She may look normal, but one never knew in this place.  He pulled his key out of his pocket and inserted it in the lock of the private elevator.   The doors opened on a silent “whoosh” allowing Buffy to step inside.   A flick of his wrist and the key came loose.

“Just push the top floor, miss.”  Then he turned and walked back to the reception desk.

The doors opened to reveal the astonished gaze of Angel, and the curious looks of several of his coworkers.

“Buffy!”

“Angel?”  She looked around curiously.  “Not bad…”

“Uh… thanks.  What brings you here?”

“I don’t know… just a feeling.”

“Well… lemme give you the nickel tour.  These are my friends.  Fred. Gunn. Wesley, you know.”

They all said “hi.”

“Hi,” Buffy replied.

“Buffy’s the Slayer…well, one of them anyway.  Seems like we’ve had a sudden influx of them.”

“Yeah…” Buffy responded, unsure what to say.  She still had no idea what she was doing there and was starting to get uncomfortable in Angel’s presence.

“About that tour…” Angel gestured for Buffy to precede him, guiding her towards the staircase. An hour later, the tour complete, Angel led her back to his office.   He indicated the couch for her to sit.

Walking around behind his desk, he sat down.  Nervous, he reached for the stack of mail on his desk.  The rest of his team drifted in, breaking the awkward silence.   They usually showed up at the end of the day to relate to one another the latest news.

Today had been a doozy.  Some asshole client of the firm’s had put a bomb on his son and promised to detonate it if Angel didn’t get him off from the charges he was facing.  He’d had to fight his own security team to save the boy from harm.

Buffy listened disinterestedly as they talked around her.  She was just getting up to leave when she heard Angel comment.

“…deal with whatever comes next.”

Angel held the envelope in his hand, and opened it quickly with a letter opener.  A necklace with some sort of charm slipped out and fell to the ground.  Angel bent down to pick it up.  Something was vaguely familiar about it. But, he stopped, backing away as it began to glow. 

Buffy had just reached Angel’s door when she stopped.  She couldn’t see what was going on, the others having stood up and were now clustered around the vampire’s desk.   But, something held her back.  Prevented her from leaving.

Over the shoulders of the others, she could see a swirling mist.  It darkened and started to take shape.  Dust became flesh, then he was there.

Spike.

Her Spike.

A smile lit up her face as she watched him bare his fangs at the people around him before recognizing Angel.  Then he stopped.  His ridges evened out, yellow eyes faded to blue and he turned.

Buffy.

Standing there.  In the office. 

He went to push his way through the people crowding around him, but ended up walking right through them.

“What the bloody hell?”  He stopped, looking at his hands.  Watched as they passed through the chair as he ran them back and forth across it.

“Spike.”  The sound of her voice broke through his confusion.  He looked up at her and froze.  Her love was there for all to see.  Especially him.   He walked towards her, ignoring all the other occupants in the room.

If anything, her smile got brighter.

“Hey, luv.”

“Hey there yourself.”

The End

** Credit the writers from BtVS & AtS for some of the dialogue.

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