Come Back to Me

by Spikesdeb

Chapter 3

The room was silent save for the racking sounds of the Slayer dragging air into her lungs and bubbling out anguished sobs.  Dawn was helpless to do anything other than hold her sister and rock her gently.  Looking over the blonde head at the other occupants of the room, she saw mixed reactions evident on their faces.  Some were in tears; Xander was impassive, Giles just looked shocked. 

Eventually, Buffy calmed and rested into her sister’s embrace.  Dawn sought and held her gaze; silently checking that she was up to what she knew would follow.  Buffy’s face was red and puffy from the tears, her eyes haunted and empty but she had to finish this, for him, to honour his memory.  She pushed her hair back, dried her eyes and blew her nose, nodding in answer to Dawn’s unspoken question. 

“It’s alright Dawn.  I need to get it all out, I’ll be fine.” 

Dawn nodded slightly and turned to face the group.  “Ok guys; shoot.” 

As expected, Giles was the first to clear his throat.  “Buffy; I’m…I mean, are you sure you’re up to this.  We don’t need to delve any deeper at present, it will keep.” 

“NO!  It won’t keep!” she replied forcefully.  “If it had been me who died to save the world then you’d all be sat around with the books and the mystical prophecies, wouldn’t you?  I haven’t forgotten how you felt about him, but Spike sacrificed himself to save us.  He died for us, Giles, all of us.  I think he deserves some research time, don’t you?  Or at the very least an explanation as to how that amulet thingy worked.” 

“I – I – I didn’t mean to offend, Buffy.  I was thinking about you.” 

“Think away,” she replied, her voice stronger now, “but we do this now.  I have to understand what happened.” 

“Yes, well.  I suggest we start with the prophecy that came with the amulet.  Wesley and I will deal with the translation.  What do you think, Wesley?” 

“No time like the present.  I’ll fetch a research volume right away.  Angel, may we have the copy of the prophecy?” 

“It’s filed.  I’ll request it.” 

Angel picked up the telephone and gave the necessary orders. Moments later the doors opened to admit someone familiar to many there.  Dressed from top to toe in pink, Harmony Kendall sashayed across the floor to hand Angel a file marked “Eyes Only – Sunnydale Hellmouth”.  Angel muttered a thank you, taking the file without looking up.  As he opened the file and began to read, he noticed the silence.  He scanned left and right from beneath lowered brows then looked up, going immediately to game face when he recognised the female vampire standing in front of him.  

“HARMONY!” he growled, throwing the file on the desk and advancing on her to wrap one meaty hand round her throat.   

“No, no, no, no -- you’ve got it wrong, boss!” she squeaked out as Angel continued to crush her windpipe.  “Wesley – ask Wesley!”  The blonde vampiress cast panicked eyes around the room searching out the former watcher. 

Wesley chose that moment to stroll back into the boardroom, blithely reading a volume and breezily enquiring, “Angel, why on earth are you strangling your assistant?  Are you aware that the paperwork to replace her is mountainous?  This truly is an evil law firm.” 

Angel continued his stranglehold but turned his yellow eyes towards the Brit.  “MY assistant?”  

Wesley nodded.  Angel returned his gaze to the ditzy blonde.  Harmony nodded too. 

Everybody jumped when they heard the sound of raucous laughter rend the air.  “Harmony’s your…assistant?   Harmony?”  Buffy barely got the words out in between holding her ribs and gasping for air.  It seemed the sorrow had notched up to hysteria.  “Harmony… oh my god, this is too funny.  Harmony – assisting!” 

The sight of Buffy holding her stomach and guffawing loudly caused everyone’s lips to twitch and finally the tension of her earlier confession was dispersed when one by one they giggled and laughed along with her. 

Angel even managed a twitch of a smile in honour of the mass hilarity.  Harmony set her hands on her hips and gasped out, “What’s so funny? I can too assist.  I’m good on the telephone, and, hey, 20 words a minute typing here… unless I need to, like, spell things out.  Then it takes longer ‘cause of the spellchecker.” 

The renewed laughter at this point caused Harmony to frown.  What now?  Clearing her throat to get the attention of the vampire still grasping her windpipe in a death grip, she tapped her foot until Angel muttered, “Sorry” and released his hold. 

Angel turned his attention to Wesley, who was sitting on the couch leafing through a research volume keyed in to what was known of the amulet.  Without raising his head, Wesley answered his unspoken question.  “She was in the typing pool; you needed a secretary, ergo…” 

“An assistant!” Harmony interrupted. 

“…an assistant.  She was the known quantity; we already know that she’s evil, just not terribly good at it.  To be honest, she’s the only one who wanted to work with us.  All the others sneered at my advances.  It appears that our takeover hasn’t been universally welcomed.” 

“You think?” Gunn drawled. 

Lorne chuckled.  “Sweetcakes, I’d give our odds of surviving our first year in charge as less than one in a million.  But hey, while we’re here…. honey, sweetikins.”  Clicking his fingers to get Harmony’s attention, he smiled his dazzling Vegas demon smile and asked, “Any chance of a Seabreeze in this time zone?” 

Taking this as an opportunity to dazzle, Harmony tossed her hair and exited to seek out a Seabreeze.  And once she knew what one was she’d be right back. 

“Was that Harmony as in ‘let’s kidnap the Slayer’s sister and hold her hostage in my dank cave’?” Dawn asked her sister. 

“Uh huh.  One and the same.” 

Dawn snorted.  “But she’s so lame!” 

Nobody contradicted her. 

******************************* 

After the amusement that was Harmony, people drifted off.  Wesley and Giles retired to the former’s office, laden with the prophecy and research volumes.  Gunn escaped by citing an appearance in court and Fred shyly informed the group that she was waiting on a telephone call from NASA regarding a breakthrough in rocket propulsion she’d been working on.  Blushing furiously, she backed out of the door and virtually ran up the stairs to her lab.  Faith passed her in the doorway, shouting “Hi there!” to her departing back before entering the fray.   

“Dudes! What gives?”  Faith looked around at the remaining mixed Scoobies and faux lawyers.  It was obvious something had gone down.   

Willow smiled the beatific smile she’d perfected whilst in goddess mode; Kennedy reluctantly let go of her hand and followed her as the wicca grabbed the second Slayer’s elbow and led her from the room.   

Dawn caught on to the situation and walked over to the green demon lounged on the couch still waiting for his cocktail.  “Shall we go check out the Seabreeze sitch?” she asked, accompanying the question with a smile and a roll of eyes back toward the remaining two occupants of the room. 

Lorne was hip to the scam immediately.  He loved this teen!  All long and lovely, doe eyes and attitude; he needed to hear a song from her.  Anything not of the Manilow oeuvre; or N-sync. 

As Dawn and Lorne left the room, Buffy realised that she was alone with her former lover.  It was time to have the talk. 

The silence was stifling.  It felt as if the air was being sucked from the room.  Buffy could have sworn that she heard a clock ticking in the background but when she looked round she couldn’t see one.  Must be her heartbeat then.  She was perched on the edge of her chair, hands folded in between her knees.  Angel still lounged against the desk, arms crossed, ankles crossed – a study in closed body language. 

Buffy drew in a deep breath.  She owed it to him; she owed it to both of them to set things right.   

“Angel,” she said softly, “come and sit over here.  We need to get a few things straight.” 

Without meeting her eyes, the master vampire obeyed her command, sitting on the couch to the right of her chair.  He rested his arms on his knees, leaning forwards, his hands clasped loosely and his head bowed.  Taking an unnecessary breath, he spoke quietly. 

“I know you say you loved him, Buffy, but…” 

“No, Angel – I didn’t say I ‘loved’ him; I DO love him.  No past tense, all still here.” Buffy placed her flat palm on her chest emphasising her words. 

“Okay, so you love him.  But, Buffy, he’s gone.” 

Buffy’s eyes flashed green danger.  “You cruel bastard!  You’re loving this aren’t you?  What, you want me to rejoice now, fall into your arms and tell you I’m baked?  Well it’s not going to happen.  I was already baked, baked in the fires of the Hellmouth – but not for you, Angel.  You and I reached our sell-by date years ago.  I kidded myself that one day… but that was before.” 

“Are you sure about that?  Things have been pretty confusing, weren’t you just feeling sorry for him, tossing him a bone?” 

Both Angel and Buffy looked shocked when her fist connected hard with his face.  

 “You’ve no right…” Her mind reeled, ‘Oh god – is that what Spike thought?’ Bringing her hand to her mouth, Buffy’s eyes filled with tears.  “I’m sorry.  I’m all over the place – I didn’t mean to…” 

Angel held his hand out in front of him palm outwards to quiet her. 

“Stop.  I can’t do this; I can’t hear how you looked into his eyes and saw the world.  That’s MY world to give you, Buffy, MINE!  It should be mine…” his voice tailed off, no more than a whisper. 

Buffy closed her eyes.  Tears oozed out to run silently down her cheeks. 

“I love him.  I didn’t mean to, God knows I tried not to. If you knew how I treated him, the beatings, the ridicule… I gave him every reason to hate me.   And what did he do?  He went to get his soul… for me, Angel!  FOR ME!  Everything he did was for me.  He loved me with everything that he was – the demon and the man.  He loved Dawn; he took care of her when I was…gone.  He did that for love of me.” 

“When you came to Sunnydale with the amulet, I was overjoyed to see you.  I was so scared that this was my last stand, you know?  And just having you there made me feel safer.  And when I kissed you, it was the sixteen-year-old Buffy doing the kissing because I would have given almost anything to be back at that time, be that innocent.  But when we locked lips I realised – she was gone.  And the me Buffy had grown out of what sixteen-year-old Buffy wanted.  The me Buffy wanted Spike.  Then you went all Dawson on me and started doing that damn annoying vamp sniffing thing.  Do you know how pompous you can be?” 

Shaking her head, Buffy continued.  “And you asked me about him, asked me was he my boyfriend, did I love him?  I blew it off, glossed over it, told you he wasn’t.  But he was, in my heart, like I said.  I was just too damn stubborn to admit it.” 

Buffy noted Angel’s bowed head, his tightly closed eyes and rigid frame.  Yet she couldn’t stop, needed to tell someone, reinforce her feelings.  The more she talked about it, the more real it seemed.  They’d had just two nights together after she’d realised her feelings for Spike were true.  And still she didn’t tell him.  The night he’d sought her out after everyone else had rejected her, they’d held each other, spent most of the night gazing into each other’s eyes in wordless communication.  He’d gently soothed her until she slept, pressing soft kisses to her hair and murmuring quiet words of reassurance and love.  She’d gone before he woke the following morning, determined to retrieve whatever it was Caleb was hiding.  The note she’d left on the pillow had ended with “Going to be the One.”  It had seemed appropriate. 

Later that day he’d returned to the house and her heart had leapt in her chest when he strolled into the hallway, breezily announcing, “Honey, I’m home.”  Buffy’s lips quirked into a smile as she remembered.  They’d had a sort of confessional then, Buffy admitting to Spike that she was ‘there with him’ in the moment last night.  The look on his face as he realised she was confessing to having felt a connection with him was just beautiful, like his soul was shining out.  Then came the fight with Caleb, the meeting with Angel.  Buffy closed her eyes when she thought of the pain Spike must have felt witnessing the kiss she shared with Angel.  But it was what she’d said it was – hello, and also a goodbye. 

Continuing out loud she said, “That night after you left, I gave him the amulet.  You should have seen the look on his face!  He was in awe – I told him it was meant to be worn by a champion and handed it to him.  It was as if I’d handed him the world, Angel, his soul shone in his eyes.  And still I wouldn’t admit it!  I almost left him then when I wanted nothing more than to throw myself in his arms and cover him in kisses.” 

Angel didn’t move. 

“But I didn’t leave,” she whispered.  “I stayed with him, just being held by him, his body tight up against mine.  And it was wonderful.  Right.  The First came that night, told me I had no chance.  I was almost convinced to give up.  What could we do against the all encompassing evil that had been there before time began?  Two Slayers, a witch with a yen for the dark side, a bunch of potentials and an ensouled vampire with an untried trinket?  Who were we kidding?” 

“Then I looked at him, lying on the cot, his arms still outstretched waiting for me to fill them again.  He was willing to do anything to save this sorry world, save us all.   If a vampire could fight his very nature and battle on behalf of good, how could we do any less?  That was when I knew – we were going to win.  And do you know why I knew?  Because of him.  He wasn’t willing to give up without a fight.  He believed in me.  He told me I was the One.” 

“So I went to be the One – for him.  And now he’s gone; he’s gone Angel, and he didn’t believe me… I love him and he didn’t believe me.” 

The sobs started again at that point, her grief swallowing her anew.  Angel moved, grabbing hold of this woman he loved to comfort her, shushing her and rocking her as if she were a child.   

“Shhh, Buffy, I know it hurts.  But he died a hero; he saved the world.  That would have meant so much to William, and you made it possible.  You called him a champion, and you treated him like a man. He did love you, Buffy.  Much as it pains me I know that now; just didn’t want to believe it.  But he was always a strange vampire, never lost his humanity no matter how hard he tried.  And don’t tell anyone, but I’ll miss him too.  He was an annoying bastard at times but he was my annoying bastard, you know?” 

Buffy nodded; she knew.

NEXT

REVIEW ME!!