Kiss the Bridesmaid

by Spikesdeb

Chapter 1

Buffy gave Dawn a tight little smile, not knowing what else to do.  Dawn carried on speaking oblivious to Buffy's reaction ".... and they're totally macking in front of each other.   I swear, I saw him stick his tongue so far down her" "DAWN!" Buffy said sharply stopping her sister in mid-flow "interested as I am in Spike's perverted sex life, can you go greet guests please". 

"Whatever" Dawn flung back at her as she flounced off with a swirl of green taffetta.

"Finally" thought Buffy; "I need to sort this out in my head, need some alone time before I go join the throng.  Why do I feel so hurt?  I don't want him I know, but another girl?  I am so not ready to see that.  I mean, yeah, not my business and he is a hottie so gonna be someone else but really, am I that easy to forget?"  She kept replaying the last time she had seen him, when she had gone to his blown up crypt to find him sifting through the rubble.  He had thought at first she was there to beat him down, but she had told him no.  The look of hope he got in his eyes made her feel like a bitch when she told him it was over, and even then he didn't believe her, gave her a sly little grin and walked towards her with a Spike quip.  Not like it was the first time she'd said it after all.  When she called him William he knew she meant it though and his blue, blue eyes misted up with hurt.  She couldn't look at him any more and quickly turned and walked away all the time feeling his tortured gaze on her back.  As she hit the sunlight she had stopped and breathed deeply; a casual observer wouldn't know the battle she had inside her at that moment.  Deep within,  her inner core urged her to run back to her dead lover's arms and take back all she had said but her outer Slayer, all sensible and business-like, won war sending her back to the Scoobies to nod and smile and pretend everything was fine.  

But it wasn't fine; nothing was fine.  She didn't feel connected to anything at all, found herself wavering in and out of conversations and not really caring.  This was just how she was when she first came back, when she wanted, needed a real emotion bad or good.  And now, Spike and a "skanky ho", according to Dawn, were getting down and dirty in full view of everyone, and everyone would include her.  "Ok Buffy, let's work this through" she said to herself softly.  Finding a side room off the main corridor she went inside and shut the door behind her, leaning against it.  Spying an old comfy chair in the corner, she headed for it and sat down, not relaxing into it but hunching forwards her arms wrapped around her knees.  "Why did I get together with Spike in the first place?" she thought.  "Oh, I know this one!  Heaven, dragged out by my friends, blah, blah.  Need to feel - ooh naked vampire hottie with a yen for the Slayer - that'll do.  Yeah - that's about it."  When she thought about it like that it didn't make her feel too good about herself.  Then the Slayer kicked in; "yeah - VAMPIRE!  Evil undead, no soul and can't love so what does it matter.  I had an itch, he wanted to scratch it.   Hot sweaty mind-blowing sex all round and nobody's any worse off".  Except, that wasn't really true.  "Do we have to do truth?" she whined in her head.  "Oh, boy.  Right then; vampire - true.  Evil undead - true but there are degrees of..... don't get distracted.  No soul - very true.  Can't love - well that's the nub of the problem isn't it?  He says he can, says he loves me; hell even Dru said vampires can love and he was with her for over 100 years so who's to say she's wrong.  And she said she knew he loved me before he did - and she's pretty hot on the vision front, although yeah, deranged, so.....okay babbling again.  Alright, at a stretch - he can love, so maybe he does love me?"   Buffy sighed and brought her arms from around her knees leaning her chin on her hands.

Next step then; "What did I feel when we were together?  Hot, wanted, sexy, powerful, loved - no leave that last one, can't deal with that right now.  Also dirty, perverted, wrong, guilty, all kinds of bad.  If I had to pick one word to describe the feeling of lying in his arms though, his blue eyes fixed on mine, our bodies moving in synch what would it be?"  She sat back then into the chair remembering all the times they'd had sex, not made love oh no sirree, never that; that would imply an emotional attachment and that would be wrong.  But then she sat bolt upright in the chair "Oh my god" she said aloud; "I felt whole!"  Panicked Buffy started to hyperventilate - "oh no, oh no - not again, not another vampire.  I can't do that again" she said to herself.  Standing up she started pacing and talking, "Angel had a soul, he was doing good deeds saving innocents and all that; Spike just wanted to get his rocks off, do a Slayer.  But why did he take care of Dawn, when I was ... in the summer?  Why did he even stick around?  What did he hope to gain, I wasn't here to give him points for effort and I'm sure the Scoobies were real welcoming - not!  Why would he do what he did?  He made me a promise, to take care of her; and he stayed and kept his promise.  He never leaves me.  Angel left me; took his bright shiny soul and left me and yeah, ok, I understand why but Spike would have stayed.  Spike always stays.  Spike loves me; oh God, I believe him, he loves me!" 

She stopped pacing.  "I don't love him" she said aloud, but even to her own ears the words sounded shaky, unsure.  What did she feel then?  She didn't know, but she was going to find out.  

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Chapter 2

Going out into the corridor she felt dazed, sick to her stomach and very, very nervous.  "Knock it off, Buffy.  You're the Slayer - you've faced the Master, Adam, countless other badasses who really wanted you dead; Spike just wants you horizontal and wriggling.  Get to it, girl" Her mental pep talk over she breathed in deeply, fixed a smile on her face and entered the main hall.

She knew where he was before she saw him, knew he felt her enter the room.  She deliberately avoided looking in his direction and walked over to Xander's father who was about to start a fight with Anya's demon guests - again!  Taking hold of Mr Harris's arm she guided him towards the kitchen and a large, strong black coffee.  Sweeping past Spike she darted him a look - he was on his own, leaning against the wall with feline grace.  Wearing his duster and usual clothes he looked every inch the Big Bad except for the freesia buttonhole pinned to his lapel.  Buffy had to stifle a giggle when she saw that and marched Mr Harris quickly out of the room.

After depositing Xander's drunken father in the kitchen, Buffy made her way back into the hall.  As she entered her eyes automatically sought him out.  He looked up - uh oh, busted!  Well, nothing for it but to go say hi.  Fidgeting with her dress she walked towards him, another fake "I'm fine" smile plastered on her face.   He locked his icy blue stare on her face and she stopped, heart racing and hoping that his vampire senses missed it.  "Hello Buffy" he drawled, "did you meet my date?", the last said with a headtilt that sent her pulse racing even more.  She swallowed nervously, then said "No, not yet.  But I understand she's a very good attempt at making me jealous".  He looked startled and asked after a beat "Is it working?".  Buffy considered the question, looking at his chiseled features and the proud way he held his head, at the naked emotion in his eyes.  She could lie, she could ridicule him - hell right now she could probably reduce the Big Bad to a heap at her feet with a single word, but she found that she didn't want to.  She looked straight into his eyes and said "Some."

His face shifted, becoming heavier at the brow and eyes flashing yellow briefly as he lost control of his demon.  Gathering himself he let out a low whistle, "Hell - I never expected that reply.  Thought for sure you'd stake me for presumin' anything I did mattered to you, Slayer.  Are you sure you're not possessed?"

"I think that's exactly what I am - possessed" she said softly.  The fake smile became a real one that dazzled Spike.  "I need to talk to you, but not here.  Come for a walk?"  He nodded, not wanting to speak in case he was lying in his crypt and this was all a dream.  "I'll be out back waiting.  Tell your friend to go home; she's not needed."  He nodded again - unable to speak this time even if his undead life depended upon it.  She turned and walked away, then shot him a look over his shoulder that made his shrivelled heart beat he would swear it.  He watched her swishing her radioactive green dress until she disappeared from sight then taking a needless breath and closing his dropped jaw he went in search of the Dru-wannabe to tell her to get lost.

Buffy stood at the back of the Buffalo Lodge her heart racing, wringing her hands and saying over and over to herself "I am the Slayer, I have no fear; I am the Slayer, I have no fear".  What was gonna happen next, she had no clue; she just knew that she needed to find out what she was feeling.  If it was lust, well if Spike was willing what was wrong with that?  She was an adult right, and Spike was well over the age of consent so what was wrong with a mutual smut-fest?  And if it was more.....

Suddenly he was there in front of her.  "Hello Slayer.  Where to?"  "That's the question I'm asking myself, Spike.  I just don't know the answer."  She looked up at him then started away down the street.  He kept pace with her, hands thrust deep into his duster pockets, shaking his head in puzzlement every now and then.  Inevitably, their feet led them to Restfield Cemetery and then to Spike's crypt.  "Well here we are again" he said flatly.  "I'd invite you in but the cleaner let me down this week; you just can't get the staff these days".  Buffy sighed.  "Spike, I know things between us were beyond twisted, and I get that you don't want to go there again."  "I'll take what I can get Buffy; Love's Bitch here, remember?" he interrupted.  "Let me finish Spike, it's hard for me to talk about this.  I just want to..., I mean I'm feeling.., I think..."  "Whoa, Buffy" Spike said as he placed his hands on her upper arms.  "It's okay, love.  Everything is alright; I'm here.  Don't fret."  She leant her forehead on his chest; Spike was startled - he had no idea what had happened to make Buffy be like this with him, but he was fucked if he was gonna break the spell.  He pulled her to him and rocked her gently.  "Come inside, love.  The upstairs is still in one piece, come on now".  He walked backwards pulling her gently with him; finding the chair he sat down with her cradled in his lap.  She was quiet but her heartrate was off the chart so Spike soothed her, brushing her hair with his fingers and making "shushing" sounds whilst he rocked her.

After a while a little voice said "Spike?" "Yeah love, I'm here".  "I know -  you're always here.  You'll always BE here - I get that now."  He stayed still, not wanting to ruin the moment.  Buffy continued "Dawn told me you'd brought a date to the wedding; I didn't like it.  No I hated it!  Spent an age trying to work out why, talked myself into a corner and everything.  Damn near blew a blood vessel getting my head around it."  Silence then for an eternity before she said "I know in the past I've treated you badly - no Spike, hear me out.  All you've ever done for me is try to take care of me and mine - well apart from trying to kill us at first of course but hey, vampire so, expected.  I always thought it was to score points, to get in my good books or my pants and maybe it was at first.  But I don't think that any more; you took care of Dawn when you knew I was gone, helped the Scoobies even when they abused you.  That couldn't have been for points - I was dead, how would I ever know; that was just for me, for love of me."  She shifted in his lap and lifted her head to lock her eyes on his.  Lifting her right hand she stroked it gently down his cheek.  "I  believe you Spike.  I believe you love me; without a soul, with your unbeating heart, I believe you.  I don't know about other vampires but you are unique, a-and I'd like to have you near me again."  She hesitated over the last bit, breaking past the final Slayer barrier inside her.  "I don't know what I feel about you, I don't want to lie to you and say I love you ... I just don't think I'm there.  But I do feel something; you were right when you said there was something between us, remember when you chained me up and offered to stake Dru?  I'd like to be able to love you, if you'd let me try...." her voice petered out and her eyes filled with tears.

Spike crushed her against him, kissing her face, her hair, her eyes then capturing her lips with his until she beat on his chest with her fists to let her breathe.  "Need air, Spike, remember?" she smiled at him then rested her forehead against his.  He moaned "Buffy" then captured her lips again.  He moved down her throat with his cold, soft lips and caused a delicious shiver to course through her body.  He nibbled over her pulse point and then growled as he smelled her arousal.  Buffy wriggled in his lap and felt her panties becoming damp as she became aware of his rock hard erection - God she had missed this!  She moved herself to straddle him, having to rip the seam of the hideous green dress to do it and rubbed her crotch hard against him causing him to groan her name against her throat.   Never get tired of hearing him say her name, she thought; it always connected right with her groin making her juices start to flow.  He looked up at her with adoration in his eyes then suddenly grabbed the bodice of the dress and ripped it open.

Buffy started panting with want as Spike's eyes widened at the sight of the ivory satin bustiere underneath the dress.  "Stand up, love and get that dress off" he whispered huskily.  She did, never losing eye contact.  Spike nearly choked when he saw the matching garter belt, stockings and skimpy thong panties revealed to him.  She felt all powerful and sexually dominant as she did a slow turn, whipping her head round to keep eye-lock and sashaying her hips provocatively.  "Fuck, Buffy - you're gonna do me in if I can't have you right now!"   "Ah, ah, ah Spike - not so fast.  I don't want to have sex with you."  He knew it - she just wanted to fuck about with his head "NO!" Buffy shouted, "I didn't mean.."  she had seen his face change, knew what he was thinking, "I mean - I don't want to have sex with you, I want us to make love.  For the first time, you know, with me actually having an emotional input.  Love me Spike."

She was a gorgeous creature, his Slayer - HIS SLAYER - and standing in front of him right now decked out in all her finery asking him to make love to her.  He swallowed hard, then stood up, prowling towards her whilst dropping his duster to the floor.  He held her at arms length looking at her from head to foot and back again then whispered "I love you Buffy, so much", capturing her lips in a soft kiss which took her breath away.  She looked up at him and said "I know.  Kiss me again".  Spike obliged with kisses hot enough to melt her flesh, hard and insistent reaching inside her mouth with his tongue, then soft and fluttering, barely touching her lips, until her nerve endings were awash with the different sensations flooding through her.   She ran her hands over his hard, muscled body, lingering over his six-pack as she counted the square muscled areas with her fingers.  Oh so sexy, her vampire - HER VAMPIRE - all lean, graceful, predatory.  She pulled at his black shirt anxious to feel his cool flesh against hers.  Spike's lips left her as he stepped back to wrench the shirt over his head and she gasped, a little sound of loss, until he held her again.  He was grinding his hardness into her and she knew she was dripping in readiness for him to enter her; at another time he would have already taken her roughly by now and she liked that too, but this was special and she wanted it all to be soft and connected tonight.  His left hand found the lacing at the front of the bustiere and began to untie it making her quiver with anticipation and her breath to hitch in her throat.  "Spike" she gasped against his mouth, and he pulled her tight against him and let out a gutteral sound. 

The satin garment fell to the floor and Spike immediately grabbed the pert breasts of the Slayer in his large yet fine boned hands, kneading them gently together and flicking her nipples with his fingers.  Buffy felt her legs go weak and her breathing become irregular as he dipped his head to lick each nipple in turn.  He was so good at this - cool tongue and all and no need to breathe.  Then he took her left breast into his mouth, sucking and nibbling in turn until she felt a volcano build up inside her.  He moved quickly to her other mound and did the same sending her over the edge and into happy land, screaming his name.  Spike fell to his knees and tearing the scrap of material off her licked her from back to front holding the small of her back to keep her agains this face as he thrust his tongue deep inside her.  Oh God, she was coming again - he carried on tongue- fucking her as she gripped his head hard then he flicked the tip over her swollen clitoris to finish her off good and proper.  Buffy was breathing hard, and having trouble standing up as she was lost in the throes of yet another Spike orgasm, so as the waves carried on through her body he picked her up and lay her down on the floor on top of his duster.  She looked glorious - all softly glowing skin against black leather and stockings sheathing her well-defined legs.  She gazed up at him all flushed and dazed, then crooked her finger and beckoned him to her.

Spike unbuckled his belt, kicking off his docs at the same time.  Slowly unbuttoning his jeans, the pressure of his thick engorged cock made the zip come down and he was stood over her stroking his hand up and down his length whilst sweeping her body with his eyes.  He watched her gaze follow his hand up and down then over the tip to collect the pearly drop of semen that had collected there, then she licked her lips and he almost lost it.  Damn, she could do him with a look!  He quickly got rid of the jeans without ever looking away from her.  He knelt between her leg and she opened her arms to him.  Spike pushed forwards with his groin and rubbed the shaft over her still tender clit causing her to throw her head back and moan his name; he needed to be in her now or he was gonna cover her in cum.  He lowered his lips to hers again, his arms either side of her shoulders to hold his upper body off her, as he found her dripping wet entrance  and slowly pushed himself all the way in.  When he was deep inside her he stilled to raise his lips from hers and look into her eyes.  "I love you" he said again and she smiled softly at him, not saying anything - at least not with her mouth.  He began to move, still holding her eyes with his until she arched against him and closed her eyes as a soft sound of pleasure escaped her.  "Faster, Spike, harder!" she cried then and he started thrusting in and out in their old familiar rhythm. "Oh god Buffy - gonna come now Buffy, come for me now, come with me - fuck!"  he cried out as he felt himself climax, her Slayer muscles gripping him hard and milking him as she went over with him.  Waves and waves of pleasure rippled through him and Spike saw spots before his eyes as he gasped needlessly for breath.   He sagged against her holding her close to him, kissing her face, her lips and whispering "I love you, god I love you so much" over and over before resting his head on her chest. 

Buffy basked in the warmth of their lovemaking, smiling to herself and playing with the soft unruly hair at the back of Spike's head.  She loved the nape of his neck where no matter how much gel he had pasted onto his hair there was always a tiny curl that escaped.  There was something in her head she was trying to grasp, something she had thought of earlier in the day, that kept disappearing out of reach.  What was it she puzzled, continuing the stroking of her vampire.  Then she had it - she felt whole, complete as she knew she would once she accepted what she couldn't deny.  She was a Slayer - not an ordinary mortal, not a woman with a 9-5 job and a brood of kids to deal with and not likely to have either.  Spike had been right in what he said when she'd asked about the Slayers he had killed; every Slayer has an expiration date and she knew hers would come up probably sooner rather than later.  And when it did, she wanted her life to have been lived to the full, whole, completely.  "Spike" she softly whispered "I want to tell you what I feel, what I realised today at the wedding."  He looked up at her with eyes full of love and trust, "what's that love?" he asked.  "I care for you, very much.  I can't promise anything beyond that yet, but that's not you, that's because of my great track record with men."  "Wankers" he muttered under his breath, which made her grin.  "But I need to be close to you, to be held by you.  You anchor me to this life, you make me whole."

Spike looked at her astounded.  In all of his existence he had never felt so happy, at peace with himself, with the world around him.  He smiled down at her and kissed her softly, because he knew something she didn't yet see.   She did love him - he made her whole and without love, him for her and her for him, that circle would not be complete.  So he could wait for her to see it and to say it; he would wait an eternity if he had to.

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