Chapter 4

Willow, Tara and Dawn had called at three of the addresses on their list with no result other than getting chased off by a furious honeymoon couple that didn’t take kindly to being disturbed. The next address was a block away and the three girls hurried over, anxious to get Buffy back. And Spike – well, at least Dawn wanted him back; Tara, maybe - but Willow was still having problems blocking the visuals of a rampant Buffy astride an equally lusty vampire’s lap. As they approached the driveway of another rental property, Willow signalled to them to stop and be quiet.

“What?” Dawn hissed.

“Check it out! Black van – just like Buffy said. I think we’ve found our nerds in their natural habitat. You two wait here while I sneak around back and see what I can find out.”

“No, Willow! We should stay together. One goes - we all go.”

“No way. Too dangerous. You think they’re not going to notice three lots of great girly feet stomping through the daisies? We’re supposed investigate and then make big with the planning. Now stay!”

Tara and Dawn did as they were told and went to stand off to one side, hidden in some bushes, while Willow went to investigate. Five minutes later and she was back, beckoning them away and filling them in as they headed back to the Magic Box.

“It’s them all right. Can you believe they’ve got a ‘Space – the Final Frontier’ doormat… and a life-size cardboard Storm trooper on sentry duty by the door! Most definitely Nerd Central. I thought the place looked like it’s still empty, but the basement door was open and I saw Warren. And knowing what we know about them, if Warren’s there, you can bet his little harem’s with him. Let’s tell Xander and Anya, and then we’ll call Giles for an update from his end and get Buffy back.”

“And Spike,” Dawn stated forcefully, challenging the other two to contradict her.

“And Spike,” Willow conceded. “Both of them. Come on.”

+++

Two hours later and the Scoobies had their plan. It wasn’t complex, more of a smash-and-bash than a cunning ploy, but it appealed to the vengeful side of them all and made Anya sigh in wistful recollection of happy days when she’d dealt out pain and retribution with the best of them. Giles had tried to dissuade them from going in all ‘gung-ho’ but in the absence of any other ideas, he’d been outvoted. His huffy silence indicated he was indulging in some frenzied lens cleaning before grudgingly accepting their decision, offering some tips long distance, rather curtly, before hanging up.

So here they were, all dressed up with geek-brains to blow and on their way to do just that very thing. Willow took point armed with a sturdy baseball bat, Tara walking at her side cradling a wicked looking knife with unaccustomed ease. Dawn trailed behind them, arms crossed and dragging her feet in the traditional annoyed teen style, sulking and pouting up a storm because she hadn’t been allowed to carry a weapon. Anya and Xander were arguing as they brought up the rear, their hissed words mostly too low for the others to hear but it seemed that the only touch Xander would be getting from ‘mommy spank’ that evening would be a sock in the jaw. Unconsciously, the three in front upped their pace to leave a healthy gap between them and the rowing couple. There was only so much ick a person could stand…

Before long the Scoobies found themselves outside the rental Willow had cased earlier. Tara confirmed that the Troika were within, briefly summoning a trance to sense their auras, and they moved into position. With a burst of magical energy from Willow’s talented fingers, the door burst open and off its hinges revealing a charming tableau. The startled trio were lounging in beanbags on a shag pile sea strewn with empty beer cans, popcorn wrappers and pizza boxes, playing computer games on a giant plasma screen. The boys were obviously living in hog heaven and messing with magic was just a part of their wish list.

Before any of the Troika could react, Tara, Xander and Anya were standing over them with their assorted weapons poised and ready to strike. Xander’s was the most impressive being a curved sword about three feet long, but Tara’s knife and Anya’s crossbow had a lot going for them also.

Willow broke the frozen silence, slapping the palm of one hand with the baseball bat.

“Having fun, Boys? Looks like you’ve got yourselves the perfect set-up here, It’s so you,” she cooed admiringly. “Captain Kirk’s Sad Christmas Grotto. And lookee – the pièce de résistance – a hanging rack full of Star Trek uniforms. You must be just popping with pleasure.”

Willow’s light words wrapped around the steel of her fury that these stupid boys could mess with her friend – twice. Warren was torn between frying Willow with hate-filled glares and sizing up his chances of a successful dash for the door before she could clock him with the bat. Dawn took up station at the top of the stairs, blocking the only exit, giving Warren the best scary power glare she’d perfected after hours before a mirror. Mess with her sister, would he? Not to mention her best friend.

The three dumbstruck youths gaped in silence, the presence of the Slayer’s friends rather stifling their creativity. Without their props they were helpless, having no innate magical ability but having to rely on charmed objects, and no amount of explaining was going to get them out of this hole.

Jonathan cleared his throat. “Ahem. We didn’t know what we were doing! We’re sorry! We’ll get her back.”

“THEM! You’ll get them back!” Dawn yelled from the corner, her cheeks flushed with anger. “Sheesh! Do any of you even see him?”

She’d had it with the whole ‘Spike’s alright as long as he’s gone once he’s done the ass-kicking’ vibe; Buffy had declared her affections and Dawn was determined to support her all the way. She’d make the Scoobies see what was right in front of them. Once they got them back.

The Scoobies could only answer with a shrug, ignoring her as they returned to some serious nerd menacing. Jonathan was dying to spill, obviously wanting to get it over and done with; Warren on the other hand was sullen and uncooperative. Willow sensed a latent power in his arrogance and she told him to keep his hands where she could see them. Tara picked up on her lover’s anxious mood and stood back so as to leave Willow unhampered. Xander and Anya were playing nice cop nasty cop with the remaining boy, the squeaks that he emitted as he cowered before them delighting Anya’s erstwhile demon side and drawing a tight smile from Xander.

Finally, Willow had had enough. “Look, guys, let me simple things up for you. Bring back Buffy and Spike or it’s bye-bye limited edition collectibles. It’s up to you.”

The Troika looked at each other in panic. Not the super-rare figurines!!!

+++++++++++++

The shimmering surrounding Spike and Buffy dispersed to reveal the bare grey walls of a cell. They felt a momentary surge of dizziness but recovered quickly enough, Buffy dashing to the apparently open front of the space and being thrown forcibly backwards when she met the same sort of barrier Spike had encountered earlier.

“What the fuck???” She was righteously angry now. She’d been electrocuted once before when Moloch the Destroyer had possessed some other geeks and had her walk into a rigged shower. Her hair had taken three weeks to settle down…

Spike watched, amused, as Buffy ran her hands through her hair and patted at it, smoothing the glossy locks fretfully. He chuckled as she tried to check her reflection in the metallic wall-surface but found only a warped and distorted blur.

Buffy spun round and fixed him with a glare. “What’s so funny, Spike? This strike you as funny? We’re back on this sodding ship again - only this time we’re in the lockup. I’m having a ball! How about you?”

He couldn’t help puffing up with pride at Buffy using his own inflections in her speech; it was the surest sign of all that they were together. He was completely chuffed that she was unconsciously starting to speak like him, but noting her stern face he stifled the grin that crept across his lips. Not the time to be playful.

The swish of the doors heralded the arrival of Janeway, Tuvok and the same statuesque blonde that Spike had eyeballed during their earlier visit. He shifted guiltily on his feet, grateful that Buffy hadn’t seemed to notice his interest when the girl entered the room. Not that he’d swap his girl for her… but blimey what a bod! A fella would have to be proper dead not to notice.

“Seven, these are the intruders you observed on their last…visit?” The Borg nodded at the captain’s question, successfully masking her blush from all but Spike.

Ah, so this Seven bird had witnessed their little assignation then? Interesting thought…and she’d liked what she saw by the looks of it. He shot her a leer and she widened her eyes then looked away.

“Yes, captain. I’ve compiled the report as requested.”

“Good. Well, let’s go and prepare to brief the others - our guests can’t get into any trouble here.” Janeway nodded dismissively at Spike and Buffy, the latter looking scarily like the youngest Summers as she crossed her arms and scowled.

When the brig was empty of the Voyager crew, Spike relaxed back against the featureless wall and propped his feet up on the bench. He did his usual thing of making himself comfortable no matter where he was and it pissed Buffy off something wicked.

“How the hell can you do that?”

“Do what, love?” Spike sparked up his Zippo and nonchalantly lit a cigarette, aggravating Buffy even more while she paced like a caged tiger. She snarled at him, eyes flashing green and dangerous.

“That! Lying back there like everything’s all la-de-da and hunky-dory. We’re in a frigging cell, Spike! Come on, let’s get outta here.”

“Can’t do it, kitten. That buzzy wall will mess your insides right up - and you know as well as I do that it’s only a matter of time until Red and the posse Houdini us out of here. Come on, park your gorgeous self over here next to me and rest your weary plates of meat.” Spike patted the floor beside him, “I’m sure we can find some way to pass the time…” Kapow. Killer smirk followed by a tongue and head tilt combo. Give the man a perfect 10.

“There’s meat now? What kind of weirdo English is that?” Buffy humphed. She tried to stay mad at him but really, him lying back with his hands behind his head – he thinks I’m gorgeous - one leg bent and his groin all hypnotising her like that…what’s a girl supposed to do?

She bowed to the impetus of her hormones and slinked towards him, eyes feral and hungry and signalling her capitulation. She surprised him by not sitting next to him but kneeling to lean over him, hot breath whispering across his face as her mouth stayed inches from his. Spike discarded his cigarette, his mouth having far more interesting things to do, and pulled her to completely cover his reclining body, wrapping his arms about her to hold her close.

“So…what do you fancy doing then, Spike …to pass the time?”

His firm lips caressed hers, tongue snaking out to taste her warm flesh, his reply whispering against her sensitised skin.

“Fancy doing you, pet.”

With a twist of his body, Spike rolled Buffy to the floor and nudged her thighs apart so as to lie between them, his duster covering them both. Eyes met as Spike tugged at her top to free it from her waistband and slid his fingers underneath to trace up her stomach and ghost across her breast.

Buffy wriggled and placed her hand atop his to stop him; “Spike! We can’t – there’s no door on this place, somebody might see us.”

“Not bothered. Want you.”

Cool lips tingled their way from her mouth to her neck by way of her ear and her resolve was rapidly weakening. When Spike got to the kissing and licking of her, Buffy logic raised the white flag. She made a couple of pathetic flaps at him with her fists as a token gesture but melted into him when she heard the rasp of first his and then her zipper being lowered.

Lately, she hadn’t been one for self-denial….

++++++++++++++

“So, Seven. Report.”

“Captain.” Seven walked over to the display screen in front of the conference desk and input the code to run the data she’d downloaded from her padd. Edited data…

“This is a schematic of the Jeffries tube: this represents the male and this the female. They are moving through the tube but do not go far. As you can see I observed them for only a short period after sighting the open doorway. They appeared to rest in the tube for some time before exiting and encountering our security force. It was at this point that they disappeared.”

Captain Janeway waited for Seven to continue; she didn’t.

“That’s it? You must have more than this, Seven. We were already aware of this information. What about their vital signs, their interaction? Until we know what they were doing in the tube, we’re unable to work out why they were and are here. I understand that you scanned them – please, show us.”

Seven darted a glance at Ensign Kim who was trying his best to become part of the furniture. She didn’t want to show her findings – most unlike her. The fact that she’d observed the lovers then replicated their actions with the Ensign was causing her to have a strangely emotional response. Having analysed the feelings, she was forced to admit to being embarrassed. Still, orders were orders.

Seven keyed in further instructions and shifted uncomfortably as the screen showed digitised humanoid figures now with recognisable gender features. In her usual meticulous way, she’d paid close attention to detail and the male had slicked-back white hair, the female slightly curled blonde. Both were nude.

The occupants of the conference room glanced at each other uneasily. They were all too aware of Seven’s diligence when it came to Captain’s orders and were psyching themselves up for a blow-by-blow account – probably quite literally – of the amorous intruders. It was glaringly obvious that DigiSpike was ready for something of an XXX nature and enlightened though sexual attitudes were in the Federation, no one was looking forward to watching a pornotoon with the Captain. It was going to be torture. Well, maybe Tuvok didn't mind, him being of the Vulcan - and therefore emotionless – persuasion.

Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero One, continued with her presentation, adding a strained monotone narration of the proceedings.

“The male had already removed his and the female’s clothing. You will notice certain physical changes that occurred, most notably in the elevation and rigidity… the size…of the …”

Here, words deserted her. Captain Janeway jumped to the stricken Borg’s rescue.

“Seven. Am I to take it that you observed…how to put this…activity of a sexual nature between our guests, and that was all?”

Seven gazed wide-eyed at the screen that continued to show the DigiBuffy and DigiSpike vigorously enacting things the Karma Sutra left out as being achievable only by trained gymnasts. Everybody’s eyes were locked on screen, helpless to look away.

“Seven. Seven! ” Captain Janeway’s tone sharpened to draw the Borg’s attention. The statuesque blonde turned to face her commanding officer.

“Captain, I apologise. Yes, there was…this…and then some conversation. There’s damage to the internal walls and pipes of the Jeffries tube. It’s possible they are saboteurs.”

A voice cut into Seven's attempted apology. “Don’t think so, Seven. Looks more like incidental to their…ahem… interaction. Don’t know their own strength. The girl looks stronger than the man…now that’d have to be one hell of an experience.” Tom Paris ignored the elbow in the ribs that came from his wife. He was enjoying teasing Harry far too much to slacken off just yet.

“This is all fascinating; but I fail to see what assistance it is to us.” The Vulcan was a little testy. “Might I suggest that I perform a mindmeld with one or both of them? It would give us the opportunity to verify their stories – such as they are.”

“Good idea, Tuvok,” Commander Chakotay answered the Vulcan. “I agree, Captain. It would seem to be the most efficient way of getting to the truth.”

“Thank you, Chakotay.”

Janeway hid a grin. Despite Tuvok’s deadpan manner, he seemed to relish verbal sparring with her number one officer. It was as if they were siblings, vying for their mother’s approval. It was cute, really.

Harry Kim shot to his feet and punched the keypad of the display console. He sighed with relief when the screen greyed out the all too accurate replay of his previous night’s contortions.

“Yes! Let’s get started on that right away. I’ll meet you in the brig.”

“No, Ensign. Your place is on the bridge. Tuvok and Seven can handle the interrogation. Report back here in two hours.”

One by one the officers filed out to carry out their assigned tasks leaving Captain Janeway and Chakotay in the briefing room.

“You have something to say, Chakotay?”

He turned to face the Captain, a smile playing around his mouth. He hesitated before speaking. “Nothing really; it’s just…did Seven seem kind of skittish to you? I’m sure I saw a blush.”

Kathryn Janeway smiled in return. “Yes, well. No doubt it’s the first experience of human sexual activity she’s come across. Quite an introduction to Sex Ed!” She chuckled, “And remember what it was like the first time you found out about the birds and the bees? I’ve no doubt you’re the type to have drawn moustaches on the diagrams of sperm.”

“Captain!” Chakotay made a wounded expression. “As if I’d deface valuable educational establishment property.”

They walked from the room, arms almost touching as they unconsciously leaned into each other. There was a frisson between them that they both tried to ignore but would dearly love to explore further in another place, another time. Their enforced isolation during their infection with the alien disease had almost put paid to the wall between them but once back on Voyager they fought their feelings and carried on as normal. But it was nice to tease, companionable.

“I’m right, aren’t I?”

Their laughter mingled and followed them before the swish of the closing door cut it off.

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