Never Leave Me

<Kris reaches blindly for her keyboard from the depths of her comfy chair, almost upsetting her Diet Coke in the process...>

Oh. My. Goodness.

I... I hardly know what to say. I'll admit it - I was spoiled for the Spikey parts of this ep - but there were so many other things happening that I *didn't* have any clue about... and I'm just in shock. It's been ten minutes since our tape of the show ended, and my hubby is still asking if I've picked my jaw up from the floor.

I think my Muse is more than a bit distressed... so let's take things one step at a time and reel off the little musings first:

Much Needed Levity Moment:

The Boots. The Manly Stride. The Shirt. *The Coat." Andrew. I just about fell out of my comfy chair laughing when I saw this... it was just too funny - especially considering Andrew's - ah, adulation of our favorite Souled Vamp... And having the butcher call him "Neo" had me rolling out of the comfy chair again!

Mr. Gordo Rules! Moment:

The Defeat of Andrew by The Pig! I was cheering for the piggy... poor thing - and I could just hear a certain other reviewer from TabRas in my mind... <G>

Just Who is Xander Talking About, Anyhow? Moment:

When Xander is describing Anya's particular brand of torture to Andrew, talking about how the man's heart was ripped out and replaced by darkness *without his friends knowing* - yipes. Gave me the heebie jeebies, especially since we all know that Xander is the (all together now): "The Heart of the Scoobies." This can't be good, gang...

Say WHAT Moment:

What in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks was Principal Woods doing going down to that basement? And why didn't he look at all shocked to see Jonathan's body still there? Or, for that matter, why was he burying Jonathan out by an oil rig? I didn't hear any singing, we didn't see him talking to any other visions... Dear Hubby swears that this means that Principal Woods is a good guy (because he's getting presented as a bad guy) - I'm not so sure, but I'm wavering. More on that later.

Someone's Gotta Teach This Girl to Fight Moment:

Dawn, Dawn, Dawn. If you're going to walk quietly and carry a big stick, you've got to be willing to clobber the bad guy right off the, well, bat. Otherwise, you wind up coming *this* close to finding out where ex-glowy-key-thingys go after their stay on the Hellmouth...

Patently Unfair Spuffy Moment:

After all this time, Buffy *finally* tells Spike that she believes in *him* - not just his fists and fangs, but *him* as a person - and just as the wonder of it all is beginning to sink in for our black clad hero, the villains arrive to rip him away from what little happiness he's got. Ouch.

Alright... time for the heavy stuff. I think I've worked my way up to it.

Dear Hubby had a good point tonight: the writers are doing everything they can to throw Spike's soul in our face, and to show us how *Spike* won't accept that simply retrieving his soul will make everything all better (aka a certain other vamp we know down in L.A.). Spike is absolutely tormented - not only by his recent actions, which were undoubtedly out of his immediate control - but by the actions he's taken over the past 120 years as his Big Bad self. He's trying *so hard* to make Buffy understand that to him, he doesn't get a free pass out of jail simply because he got his soul back - and I think that maybe by the end of this episode, she finally began to *get it.* That doesn't mean that Buffy doesn't like hearing what Spike has to say - as a matter of fact, we see quite plainly in parts of this episode that his words bother her, and even upset her a bit. Spike's challenging Buffy's long-held views of the world, and she's not quite sure of what to make of this, not to mention his newfound return to his capabilities of hitting her in the emotional gut with one well-placed sentence.

It's rather interesting when you take this episode in concert with what has been happening on AtS: Angel, who for so long has been presented as Angel with a soul, Angelus without (and not a whole lot of accountability for when he's in that soulless state) has just been held accountable for his acts as Angelus by the woman who loves him (no, I'm not even going to get into the squickiness that was the end of the last ep). Cordy told Angel that she couldn't be with him because not only did she experience what he had done, she'd experienced how much he *enjoyed* what he inflicted as Angelus - and it was just too much. And now, we have Spike, trying to make Buffy understand just how bad of a Big Bad he was, and in his eyes, still is - pulling out all of the low and dirty verbal tricks he can to get her to see the loathsome creature he feels himself to be. From asking her if she knows how to properly drain a girl to playing the Dawn card, Spike doesn't pull any punches, but Buffy doesn't flinch. If anything, she goes on the offensive, reminding him that although he might have good reason to be afraid of what he can do, she's not about to euthanize him like a rabid dog. She's seen him change, she asserts: he went against his very nature, his conditioning, as it were, and he came out on top, against the odds. He fought against the monster inside of him, and he's become a better man as a result.

And that brings me to my next rambling musing... the parallels between this episode and "The Gift" were more than a little unsubtle. In "The Gift," we have Spike telling Buffy (in the infamous line) that "... I know I'm a monster, but you treat me like a man..." In this episode, Buffy tells Spike that he's overcome the monster, and that he's become a better man - he's become a real boy (cue OMWF music in the background). In "The Gift," we saw Dawn get cut multiple times by a ceremonial knife, and her blood opened the portal to the hell dimension. As we all know, Spike holds himself responsible for Dawn's injuries and Buffy's death ("Every night, I save you), and in this episode, we see Spike getting cut with multiple ceremonial knives, with his blood opening the hellish portal. Does this mean anything? Or is it just a series of coincidences meant to drive the occupant of the Comfy Chair insane?

And what's with Principal Woods? Part of me is wondering if his character is meant to echo Spike's a bit - they're both a bit academic (although Spike would never admit it, we all have seen the evidence and know better), they both can bluster but can also threaten quite effectively... and they both have displayed that spacy look when digging graves... <shudder> If I started to hear the Principal sing the Maiden song, I'd be worrying... as it is, I'm just very, very confused. Add the blowing up of the Watcher's Council headquarters to my confusion, and I'm practically delirious (but would it be bad of me to be just a wee bit not-so-sad to see the demise of Quentin Travers?).

And then there's Andrew... who, as far as I know, is still at what's left of Casa Summers. Andrew dresses up in Big Bad clothing, but just can't do the job - he can't hold his tongue, he can't not spill the beans - he caves. He may be acting like the Big Bad, but he has no backbone in this ep - if he doesn't have Morphy telling him what to do every single moment, then he loses his composure. A rather interesting counterpoint to BigBad!Spike, isn't it? Spike may have been a fool for love, but he never lost his backbone, and always did whatever the heck he wanted. The fact that Andrew is dressed as Spike just made me wonder... was it his idea, or Morphy's? Hmmm...

But back to Buffy and Spike: Last shot of the night, I promise. Here we have two characters who really don't know themselves all that well at the moment, and they're both telling each other "You don't know me!" Tonight we saw a bit of the return of Rocks!Back!Spike when he told Buffy that he knew that she'd been using him all along last year, and she actually owned up to it (wow, continuity *again!)... and Buffy is now trying to convince Spike that she really doesn't hate herself anymore. That's funny... doesn't sound a lot like what we heard her tell Holden, is it? That's the funny thing about Buffy and Spike - they're so confused about themselves and each other, but when they come together, they bring out the best in each other's characters when they have another problem at hand to focus on their relationship. And now that Spike's been kidnapped, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of Buffy's wrath as she tries to find him - she's certainly acting as if she's recognizing him as a friend, and we all know how protective she is of the people in her inner circle. It also seems like we're getting more and more similarities, parallels, and echoes drawn between Buffy and Spike's characters,and I'm honestly curious to see where this is all going to head - especially now that we know that the First Evil is who we're up against. Does that mean the return of the First Slayer as well?

That's it for the musings... great acting all around tonight. JM and SMG nailed their various caricatures of their characters - seeing JM shift from Souled!Spike to Sleeper!Spike to BigBad!Spike was just incredible, and SMG turned in a pretty darned good performance as the emotionally conflicted Buffy, not to mention Morphy!Buffy.

Quotes of the Night

"… and in case you're wondering, this is the part where I'm not bluffing…" - Principal Woods, informing the truants in his office that it's time to pay the piper...

"A crappy musical." Anya, assessing the quality of music affecting Spike if, indeed, the Scoobies are caught in another musical moment...

"Buffy, you've never met the real me." - Spike, desperately trying to make Buffy see where he's coming from.

"You don't know me." - Buffy, growling at Spike a few minutes later.

"You risked *everything* to be a better man... I believe in you, Spike." Buffy, setting Spike's world spinning, and making Spuffy fans squeal everywhere...

"You want to see what a *real* vampire looks like?" - Morphy!Buffy - shocking the heck out of Spike and the rest of us, just as the First rises from the depths of the Hellmouth.

Dear Hubby Quote of the Night:

"Whhh-yyyyyy is he going down there?" -- Watching Principal Woods suddenly decide that the basement is the happening place to be...

Ewwwwwwwww score:

8.5 out of 10. Spike taking a nibble out of Andrew I could handle, but seeing Spike get tortured was just awful. <sob>

Furry Spike score:

4 paws and an Sympathetic Wag. Lots of Spikeage for the second week in a row, he actually gets the major piece of the storyline... and after the events of this week, I think it's safe to say that Spike may have actually achieved a closer orbit to Planet Scooby. I'm not sure that he's actually *on* the planet yet, but he may be on his final approach for a landing. We'll have to see.

(But where in the world is Giles?)

On a serious note:

seeing as how I live smack dab in the middle of the USA, that means that it's time for me to gather my list of things that I'm Thankful For. You, my friends, are right up there on my list. Having such a wonderfully diverse group of people to debate, applaud, commiserate, and cheer with as we watch these fictional characters go through their trials and tribulations on our television (and in some cases, computer) screens makes life fun. We all know that BTVS is fiction, but it makes us *think,* and sometimes even incites us to maybe go out of our way to be a little nicer, try a little harder, or just let loose and enjoy life as it comes to us - and it certainly inspires some wonderful creative efforts. Thank you all for sharing your insights, your wisdom, and your humor with me for the past year and a half. I'm not nearly as good as I should be about providing feedback, or joining in discussions on the list, but please know that I appreciate you all more than words can say.

Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate the holiday, and for those of you who don't: May you have a wonderful week.

Next new Buffy:

One heck of a long time away. But who knows... perhaps a sequel to my one and only Buffy fic may be completed between now and then!

Hugs to all,

---

Kris