How do you pour a foundation on a Hellmouth?

Back to episode 7.01 - Lessons

Monday morning design meeting at your friendly Sunnydale architecture firm:

Senior Architect: Next up-- project 02001, Sunnydale High. How is that project going?

Project Architect: Uh... there have been a few design changes and the engineers are being held up.

Senior Architect: Well, stay on them. We only scheduled 60 design days for this project. What's the problem.

Project Architect (shuffling through notes): Well..um... the school board asked that we remove the clock tower from the design.

SA: The clocktower? But that's the linchpin of the design concept.

PA: But they had a kid take a gun into the last one and--

SA: Okay, cut the clocktower. (SEEING PA'S FACE) What else?

PA: Well, um... they want more security.

SA: Understandable considering school shootings and all.

PA: Um... not for school shootings. More like... pests.

SA: We always have to have a termite bond on the building.

PA: No...bigger pests.

SA: How big?

PA: Giant snakes. I...uh... really don't think bird screens on the ventilation louvers are going to cut it.

SA: (A bit stunned) Okay. Research pest control for giant snakes. What else?

PA: The structural engineer has called. He's having some problems with the calculations for the foundations.

SA: Don't you have the soil boring tests back?

PA: Well... not so much. That is, we *hired* a company to do the soil borings but...well, two of the workmen disappeared down a gaping chasm in the ground and the third one came up with inaccurate results.

SA: How can you know they are inaccurate?

PA (handing the SA a copy of the perc tests): If you look on the third line. He's saying that there are pockets of...um...ectoplasm and...uh...slime...and lava.

SA: The state building commission isn't going to like that.

PA: Neither does the engineer.

SA: (Sighing) Anything else?

PA: (Pulls out copious notes) It's been suggested that there be extra fire protection in the basement because...well... there seem to be extra hot fumes rising out of the earth. One suggestion is for a special ventilation system because the fumes smell sort of... sulferous.

SA: Ew

PA: Right. And... finally, I think we're going to have to add a contingency fee to the bid package.

SA: COntigency fee for what?

PA: Body removal. There seem to be a LOT of bodies under the existing building. That's another problem the structural engineer is having with the foundation design...

***

by Lisa