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Angel Season V Episode #108: "The Girl In Question" Transcript

Written by Steven S. DeKnight
Directed by David Greenwalt

Co-Producers: Skip Schoolnik - Consulting Producers: David Greenwalt - Co-Executive Producer: Jeffrey Bell, David Fury – Executive Producers: Joss Whedon, Sandy Gallin, Gail Berman, Fran Rubel Kuzui, Kaz Kuzui

Disclaimer: "Angel"; is (c) 2000 by the Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation; "Angel"; is produced by Mutant Enemy, Inc., Greenwolf Corp, Kazui Enterprises, and Sandollar Television for Twentieth Century Fox Television.

Originally Aired on May 5th 2004



PROLOGUE:
1 INT. LOBBY OF WOLFRAM & HART - DAY 
Gunn is walking through the lobby with Angel.
GUNN 
We need to act on this now. 
ANGEL 
Not without a full risk analysis. We don't want to be rushing into 
this thing half-cocked. 
GUNN 
(rolls his eyes) 
As opposed to the full-cock that's been working so well for us? 
ANGEL 
(stops walking; looks Gunn in the eyes; crosses his arms) 
You got something you want to say? 
GUNN 
Just don't wanna lose another baby with the bath water... boss. 
ANGEL 
Fine. We'll send Spike.
Cut to:
2 INT. ANGEL'S OFFICE - DAY 
Spike is sitting in a chair in Angel's office, hanging his legs over the 
arms of the chair, playing a handheld video game. Angel and Gunn are standing 
behind him, but he doesn't look up from his game.
SPIKE 
Bugger that. Do it yourself. 
GUNN 
Spike, this is a delicate matter that needs to be handled with a lot 
of finesse.
(throws up his hands, looks at Angel) 
And why the hell are we talkin' to him? 
ANGEL 
Because he signed on to help. 
SPIKE 
(rolls his eyes, looks over at Angel) 
Not to be some glorified garbage collector. 
GUNN 
It's not garbage. It's a body. And there's a bloody gang war coming 
our way if we don't get it back. 
SPIKE 
(incredulously) 
This stiff's that important? 
GUNN 
It's the remains of the Capo di Famiglia of the Goran demon clan. 

SPIKE 
Never heard of 'em. 
GUNN 
That's 'cause the Capo was human-tolerant. Kept a low profile. More 
interested in profit than mayhem. 
ANGEL 
What happened to him? 
GUNN 
Died on a business trip in Italy. We need to go there, retrieve his 
body, and return it to his family in the next...
(looks at his watch) 
Ooh, 26 hours. 
SPIKE 
Or what—he gets deader? 
GUNN 
No. He stays dead. They die, they pupate, they live again, but only 
if the proper rituals are performed by the immediate family. If the 
Capo's body isn't returned in time, the rituals won't take. So long, 
Capo. Hello, power vacuum. 
ANGEL 
Which the rival clans will try to fill. 
GUNN 
And they aren't as tolerant of humans. If we do this, it all stays 
cool. If not— 
ANGEL 
We'll stick with "do."
(goes over to Spike, knocks his feet off the chair's arms) 
OK, come on.
(takes Spike's video game away)
SPIKE 
Hey, hey. 
ANGEL 
(telephone rings at his desk) 
Pack your bags.
(walks to the desk)
SPIKE 
I don't even speak the language. 
ANGEL 
We'll get you a book.
(answers phone) 
Yeah? 
SPIKE 
(to Gunn) How do you say "wank off" in Italian? 
GUNN 
(shrugs) 
Can somebody please just get on a plane? 
ANGEL 
(to phone) What?
(looks upset) 
When?
(softly) 
Yeah. I understand. Thanks.
(hangs up the phone)
SPIKE 
(fatalistically) 
All right, what is it this time? Uber-vamps? Demon gods? Devil robots? 

ANGEL 
It's Buffy.
Fade to black.
Opening credits.

ACT I:
3 INT. LOBBY OF WOLFRAM & HART - DAY 
Angel storms out of his office into the lobby, followed by Gunn and Spike.
ANGEL 
I said I'll take care of it. 
GUNN 
Take care of what? 
SPIKE 
Is Buffy all right? 
ANGEL 
She will be when I get there. 
SPIKE 
What happened? What happened?! 
ANGEL 
(stops near the elevator, turns to face Spike and Gunn) 
The Immortal. 
GUNN 
The who? 
SPIKE 
(sighs) 
The foulest evil hell ever vomited forth. 
HARMONY 
Worse than you? 
ANGEL 
He was spotted in Rome near Buffy's—
(turns back toward the elevator)
GUNN 
Wait a minute. Rome. That's where the Capo died. 
SPIKE 
Oh, wait a minute. That's definitely his M.O. 
HARMONY 
The Capo's? 
ANGEL 
The Immortal. He whacks the Capo, lures me to Rome, takes out a slayer 
and a vampire with a soul. 
GUNN 
Plus he starts a war when the Capo's body isn't returned for resurrection. 
This guy's good. 
ANGEL 
So am I. Harmony, have the jet fueled and ready for takeoff.
(walks purposefully toward the elevator)
SPIKE 
(joins Angel) 
You really think we could take him? 
ANGEL 
Whoa, whoa. What do you mean, "we"?
(presses the elevator call button)
SPIKE 
What? You don't think I'm gonna let you traipse off to Italy without 
me, do you? 
ANGEL 
(the elevator dings) 
You don't speak the language. 
SPIKE 
I'll get a book.
The elevator doors open and a man walks off between Angel and Spike.
 
ANGEL 
(gritting his teeth) 
Spike, you're only gonna make things worse.
(walks onto the elevator)
SPIKE 
(follows Angel onto the elevator) 
Look, we get the Capo's body, we rescue Buffy, we stop The Immortal. 
It's that simple. Unless he kills you, which would be sad. 
ANGEL 
He's not gonna kill me. 
SPIKE 
(smirks) 
Not if I'm with ya.
The elevator doors close.

Cut to:
4 INT. PRIVATE JET - DAY 
Angel and Spike are sitting in the cabin of the private corporate jet beside 
each other, but on opposite sides of the aisle.
ANGEL 
Just admit it: You think you're gonna ride in, save the day, and sweep 
Buffy off of her— 
SPIKE 
Like you're not thinking the same thing. 
ANGEL 
I'm already seeing somebody. 
SPIKE 
What, dog girl? 
ANGEL 
Nina's a werewolf, and— 
SPIKE 
Fido know her boyfriend's flying halfway around the world to visit 
his ex? 
ANGEL 
Hey, look, I was gonna call her, and we're just... hangin' out. She's 
not my girlfriend. 
SPIKE 
This rate, never will be. 
ANGEL 
Doesn't concern you, Spike. 
SPIKE 
(grins widely) 
I just wanna see you happy.
(leans closer to Angel) 
Well, not too happy, 'cause then I'd have to stake ya.
(sits back in his seat, then smiles) 
Second thought, have at it. 
ANGEL 
This isn't about us. 
SPIKE 
You and Nina? 
ANGEL 
Me and you. This is a dangerous mission that's only gonna get worse 
if we don't put aside our differences. Look, we have to work together 
on this to stop The Immortal and save Buffy.
(sighs) 
Oh, and pick up that demon body thingy. 
SPIKE 
Partners, then? 
ANGEL 
Just like old times. You want a drink? 
SPIKE 
God, yes.
Cut to:
5 INT. PRIVATE JET - NIGHT 
Later, the little table between Angel and Spike is littered with empty miniature 
bottles of various sorts of alcohol. Pan over to Angel as he finishes off 
another one.
ANGEL 
(looking at the empty bottle in his hands) 
Huh. Really can't get drunk off these things. 
SPIKE 
(slouching in his chair, twirling an empty bottle in his hands) 
Not us, anyway. Vampire constitution. Not always a plus.
(beat) 
How did you know? 
ANGEL 
Drank a lot of 'em, and I still don't like you. 
SPIKE 
(scoffs) 
About Buffy. How did you know she was in trouble? 
ANGEL 
I got word. 
SPIKE 
From who? 
ANGEL 
A source. 
SPIKE 
You've been spying on her?! 
ANGEL 
I just wanted to make sure she was all right. 
SPIKE 
Sending your lackeys to do your stalking for you. That is really pathetic. 

ANGEL 
All right, fine. I'm not proud of it, but it's... it's Buffy. 
SPIKE 
How many you got on her? 
ANGEL 
Uh, just the one. But he got spotted. Called me from the hospital 
after he regained consciousness. 
SPIKE 
You should've had more of your people watching her. 
ANGEL 
(sighs) 
Yeah. We'll be landing soon.
(Spike sighs) 
Remember the last time we were in Italy? 
SPIKE 
Like it was yesterday. 
Cut to:
5a INT. POSH NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT 
Spike and Drusilla are standing together in an ultra-hip nightclub 
in Italy, dressed in late 1950's fashions. Spike's wearing a dark 
suit and matching tie and a white button-up shirt. He's also wearing 
clear-framed sunglasses. He has his arm wrapped around Drusilla's 
waist. She's wearing a short-sleeved mock turtle-neck sweater and 
a beret. Neither of them are smiling, but just acting cool.
SPIKE 
Ciao.
ITALIAN WOMAN 
Ciao.
DRUSILLA 
Ciao.
ITALIAN WOMAN 
Ciao.
SPIKE 
Ciao. 
Cut to:
ANGEL 
Wait a minute. I wasn't in Italy in the fifties. 
SPIKE 
Oh, right. Guess you weren't. Really missed out. 
ANGEL 
Guess so. Sounds a lot better than when I remember it. 
SPIKE 
1894? 
ANGEL 
The room of pain. 
Cut to:
5b INT. THE ROOM OF PAIN - NIGHT 
Two men wearing only their underwear are hanging limply, their feet 
barely touching the ground. Pan over to show that one is Angelus, 
and the shirtless one beside him is Spike. They've been chained up 
by their wrists to the ceiling joist.
ANGELUS
(grunts as he regains consciousness) 
Oh, William.
(struggles to swing himself into William) 
Agh! Unh!
WILLIAM 
(when hit by Angelus, wakes) 
Ow! Bloody hell.
ANGELUS 
(struggling against his restraints) 
Agh! Unh!
WILLIAM 
(looks up at his shackled wrists) 
That right bastard.
ANGELUS 
The Immortal thinks he can do this to us?
WILLIAM 
He doesn't know who he's dealing with.
ANGELUS 
Well, he's about to find out.
(struggles against his restraints) 
Aagh!
WILLIAM 
He's gonna curse the day he ever crossed purpose with Angelus. 
ANGELUS 
And William the Bloody.
WILLIAM 
(both grunting as they struggle to get free) 
We'll see just how immortal he is when we're done with him. 
ANGELUS 
We'll carve him up like a Sunday roast and make him watch as 
we feast on his steaming flesh.
(they both struggle to get free of their shackles, but make 
no headway) 
Yaaaagh! Aah! Unh!
(gasps for breath) 
How you doin'?
WILLIAM 
Bugger.
ANGELUS 
Arrr!
(escorted by two body guards, a man walks into the room wearing 
a fine suit; he takes off his hat and gloves) 
Your master send you to do his dirty work? Ferry us to hell, 
then. We'll save a spot for him—next to the fire, the mangy, 
dung-lickin'—
(slaps Angelus gently in the face with his gloves) 
Bit over the top there, are ya?
MAN 
(unshackling Angelus first, then William) 
His benevolence The Immortal wishes to convey his regrets at 
having detained you, but your recent actions against his concerns 
merited stiff reprimand.
WILLIAM 
His concerns?
ANGELUS 
This is our city. We were here first.
MAN 
No, actually, he was. 300 years ago. And now he's back. You 
will leave this city tonight and never return under a penalty 
of death so swift that—

Angelus reaches up, grabs the man's head, and twists it, breaking 
his neck. The man falls to the ground, and the bodyguards aim their 
crossbows at the vampires.
ANGELUS 
Go ahead. Take your best shot. I'll snatch your little wee sticks 
out of the air and spend the next fortnight shoving 'em slowly 
up your arse.

The bodyguards lower their weapons and run away.
 
WILLIAM 
(both laugh) 
Can you really do that?
ANGELUS 
The arrow thing? I don't know. Never tried.
(picks up his clothes) 
Aw! Look what he did to me shirt!
(getting dressed)
WILLIAM 
"His benevolence The Immortal."
ANGELUS 
In for a shock, he is. There's gonna be a reckoning after a 
good meal and a long rest in the arms of...
Cut to:
5c INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT 
Angelus is looking down at Darla, who's sprawled out naked, face-down 
on a bed, her hair all disheveled.
ANGELUS 
Darla!
WILLIAM 
What have they done to her?

Cut to:
6 INT. LOBBY OF WOLFRAM & HART - DAY 
Illyria stands by the bamboo plants, touching them wistfully.
ILLYRIA 
I can no longer hear the song of the green.
Pan over to show that Wesley and Lorne are standing nearby, watching 
her.
 
LORNE 
You think that includes me? 
WESLEY 
Her powers have been greatly reduced. She still has an unusual level 
of strength, but is no longer invulnerable or able to alter time. 

ILLYRIA 
You revel in my defeat. 
WESLEY 
Is that how you view it—you've been defeated? 
ILLYRIA 
My world gone. My power stripped. How would you define it? 
LORNE 
Uh, I don't know, how about... lucky we didn't kill you when you went 
nuclear? 
ILLYRIA 
This fate is worse than death. Condemned to live out existence in 
a vessel incapable of sustaining my true glory. How am I to function 
with such limitation? 
LORNE 
(chuckles) 
Well, ever tried a Sea Breeze? 
ILLYRIA 
You attempt amusement at the expense of your better. 
WESLEY 
Illyria. Perhaps you should return to the lab. 
ILLYRIA 
I do not bend to your wishes. 
WESLEY 
I'm not asking you to. Merely suggesting that more tests might lead 
to knowledge of how to help you function. 
ILLYRIA 
(glares at Wes, then turns toward the stairs) 
I go because it suits me.
(walks upstairs)
LORNE 
Whew. Ah, so too bad that whirly-jig thing didn't suck the sass out 
of her. 
WESLEY 
She's overcompensating. Posturing. 
LORNE 
So she really wasn't gonna snap my stalk? 
WESLEY 
Her powers are weakened, but... she's still unpredictable. Perhaps 
more so until she learns to adjust.
(elevator bell dings behind them) 
We have to be careful not to agitate her.
When the elevator doors open, Fred's parents walk off the elevator.
 
LORNE 
(seeing them over Wes's shoulder) 
Burkles! 
ROGER BURKLE 
See? I told you they would remember us. 
TRISH BURKLE 
Guess we do make an impression. 
WESLEY 
(gruffly) 
Why are you here?
(catches himself, and softens up) 
I mean, what— 
ROGER BURKLE 
Hawaii. 
TRISH BURKLE 
Been savin' up for years. 
ROGER BURKLE 
Thought we'd take a layover and surprise Fred. Uh, know where we can 
find her? 
WESLEY 
(beat) 
Step into my office.
While Wesley leads Fred's parents into his office, Illyria watches 
from the balcony upstairs.

Cut to:
7 INT. APARTMENT IN ITALY - NIGHT 
Angel and Spike knock on an apartment door.
ANGEL 
Let me handle this. 
SPIKE 
Bet you'd like to.
When the door opens, Andrew is the one who answered it. Andrew is 
wearing a robe over a t-shirt. His hair is disheveled.
 
ANDREW 
(clutches his hands to his heart) 
Spike! O mio dio!
(hugs Spike tightly) 
E come un sogno incantevole.
(releases Spike, steps back) 
What are you doing here? 
ANGEL 
About to ask you the same question, Andrew. 
ANDREW 
Buffy and Dawn are letting me crash. My casa was incinerated when 
that thing happened. 
SPIKE 
What thing? 
ANDREW 
Cultural misunderstanding.
(chuckles nervously) 
Let us speak of more pleasant times. Entrate pure. I part my threshold. 
 
(Angel and Spike just stare) 
I mean, my apartment. Obviously.
(Angel and Spike enter the apartment at the same time, getting stuck 
in the doorway; Angel wriggles free and enters first) 
So, um, I had plans later this evening, but I can change them if you 
guys wanna hang.
(tries to straighten up the apartment a bit) 
Uh, I could show you Rome at night, a city of contrasts. Anywhere 
you want to go, anything you want to see. 
ANGEL & SPIKE 
(simultaneously) 
Buffy. 
ANDREW 
Right, because you two both— 
(nods, crosses his arms) 
Yeah. She's not here. 
ANGEL 
Where'd she go? 
ANGEL 
To meet The Immortal. 
SPIKE 
By herself? 
ANDREW 
I told you I had plans. 
ANGEL 
When did she leave? 
ANDREW 
Just missed her. 
SPIKE 
Then we're not too late. 
ANGEL 
Of course, it could be worse. 
ANDREW 
You're telling me.
(plops himself onto the couch) 
Most nights they never leave the house, just curl up on the couch 
and snuggle. 
ANGEL 
(frowns, hurt) 
There's snuggling? 
ANDREW 
For starters.
(sits up) 
Wait. Uh, you didn't know they were...together? 
SPIKE 
(looks at Angel) 
It's worse.
Fade to black.

ACT II:
8 INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT 
Angelus and William have just discovered a limp and disheveled Darla lying 
naked, face-down in bed. 
ANGELUS 
(rushes to her side) 
Darla. Darla!
(rolls her over to look in her face) 
Darla! What have they done? My sweet death. 
DARLA 
(weakly) 
Angelus. You're back. 
ANGELUS 
I'd claw my way back from the depths of hell to lay by your side. 
 
(pulls her into his arms for a kiss, but recoils, drops her, stands 
and wipes his mouth) 
He's tasted you. 
WILLIAM 
Who? 
ANGELUS 
Who do ya think? 
WILLIAM 
Well, that cheeky bastard. Had us tossed and then violates your woman. 

ANGELUS 
(to Darla) Did he hurt ya? 
DARLA 
(writhes, smiles naughtily) 
Not until I asked him to.
(stands, wrapped in a sheet) 
Oh, come on. Have you seen him? With the eyes and the chest and the... 
 
(sighs blissfully) 
immortality. 
WILLIAM 
We're immortal. 
DARLA 
(in the corner dressing, putting on a robe) 
Not like him. I mean, he's not some common vampire. He's—I don't 
know what he is. A giant. A titan straddling good and evil, serving 
no master but his own considerable desires. 
ANGELUS 
Darla— 
DARLA 
And spiritual. Did you know he spent 150 years in a Tibetan monastery? 
Which I guess explains all the desire. 
ANGELUS 
He's my arch-nemesis. 
DARLA 
Darling. It was just fornication.
(chuckles) 
Really great fornication. 
WILLIAM 
(steps in for a closer look at Darla) 
She's glowing, mate. 
ANGELUS 
(brushing him off) 
She isn't. 
DARLA 
(nods) 
Little bit. 
WILLIAM 
(to Angelus) Best fit you for a pair of antlers. Been made the right 
cuckold, you have. 
DRUSILLA 
(steps out from the next room wearing a lacy negligee) 
Time for another pony ride? 
WILLIAM 
(sees Drusilla, gasps) 
Son of a bitch! 
ANGELUS 
(points from Darla to Drusilla) 
The both of ya? 
DARLA 
(shrugs, giggles) 
He's insatiable. 
WILLIAM 
Drusilla, you—you let him touch you? 
DRUSILLA 
(closes her eyes and holds up her arms, remembering) 
He felt like sunshine. 
WILLIAM 
(shaking his head) 
Uh, no. No. 
ANGELUS 
That's why he had us tossed. So he could violate— 
DARLA 
He didn't— 
ANGELUS 
Violate our women! 
WILLIAM 
(points angrily) 
Violate in succession! 
DARLA 
Concurrently. 
ANGELUS 
Concurrently?
(frowns) 
You never let us do that. 
DARLA 
(touches Drusilla's hand, talks into her ear) 
Come on, Dru. Let's have a bath so the boys can weep in private. 
DRUSILLA 
Will you hold me under the water? 
DARLA 
If you wish.
The women walk into the next room giggling.
 
ANGELUS 
Rrrrarrgh!
(throws a vase against the wall, shattering it) 
This is a slight that will not go unmet. 
WILLIAM 
Death's too quick. 
ANGELUS 
Not all deaths are quick. 
WILLIAM 
What do you have in mind? 
ANGELUS 
I think it's time The Immortal found out exactly who he's dealing 
with. I think it's time for blood vengeance.
Cut to:
9 EXT. PARTY - NIGHT 
Angelus and William, dressed in their dirty, ripped clothes, speak to the 
bouncer at the door to an elegant party. The bouncer is searching his list.
ANGELUS 
Blood vengeance. I'm sure we're on the list. Is there anything under 
blood vengeance? 
BOUNCER 
No. No blood vengeance. Sorry. 
WILLIAM 
Maybe it's under Angelus. 
BOUNCER 
You're not on The Immortal's list. 
ANGELUS 
(to William) Ah, you know what? To hell with the list.
(with Spike, he charges toward the bouncer, but a magical force field 
bounces them back) 
Augh! 
BOUNCER 
(referring to his list) 
You're not in here. You're not going in there. Piss off!
Angelus and William walk away slowly, looking back over their shoulder 
at the party they can't enter.
 
ANGELUS 
He mocks us at every turn. 
WILLIAM 
Yeah, the man has no sense of indecency. You remember Frankfurt? He 
hatches the Rathruhn egg personally and just decides to give those 
nuns safe passage. 
ANGELUS 
Those were my nuns! 
WILLIAM 
Yeah. Nuns are your thing. Everybody knows that. They respect it. 
They respect us. 
ANGELUS 
We are the reason men fear the night. This isn't over yet, Immortal! 
This'll never be over!
Cut to:
10 INT. DEMON PARLOR - NIGHT 
Angel and Spike wait in the parlor of a fancy house. 
SPIKE 
It's over. Just like that. Not that I thought I had a chance anyway. 

ANGEL 
At least I have a girlfriend. 
SPIKE 
(shrugs) 
Still. 
ANGEL 
(defeated) 
Yeah.
A creepy demon guy watches them as they wait in the parlor. The demon 
has long, pointed ears sticking out of his cheeks. His skin is gray and 
uneven. His nose is long. He's wearing his hair in a tacky, greasy comb-over. 
Otherwise, he's dressed like a normal person, wearing a tuxedo.
 
SPIKE 
(incensed) 
The Immortal?! 
ANGEL 
I mean, come on! 
SPIKE 
She's smarter than that. 
ANGEL 
She'd never fall for a centuries-old guy with a dark past who may 
or may not be evil. 
SPIKE 
(points) 
She's under some kind of spell. 
ANGEL 
I was just thinking that. 
SPIKE 
We're gonna pick up the Capo's body... 
ANGEL 
Find The Immortal, and break his whammy.
A female demon of the same kind as the one wearing the tux and watching 
them walks into the room carrying a bowling ball bag. 
 
DEMON MAID 
(puts the bag on the table nearest to Angel and Spike) 
Grazie, Signor Angelo. We are in your debt for attending to a delicate 
matter. Grazie, grazie. 
ANGEL 
(nervously, points to the bag) 
Um, this is the, uh, Capo di Famiglia of the Goran demon clan? 
DEMON MAID 
Si, si. The Capo di Famiglia.
SPIKE 
Must've been a wee fella. 
ANGEL 
(unzips the bag, looks inside) 
This is just his head. 
DEMON MAID 
Si, si. The Capo di Famiglia. 
SPIKE 
What happened to the rest of him? 
DEMON MAID 
When a Goran demon becomes heavy with the age, his head-a sag and 
drop off like a ripe-a fig. Heh. 
ANGEL 
So his new body just hatches out of it? 
DEMON MAID 
If the rituals are performed by the family in time. You must-a get 
the head of the Capo to Los Angeles subito. Eh? Si? 
ANGEL 
Si. Subito.
Angel grabs up the bag in a hurry, and he and Spike rush out.

Cut to:
11 INT. APARTMENT IN ITALY - NIGHT 
There's a knock on the apartment door. Andrew answers it holding the cordless 
phone to his shoulder and wearing a pore-cleansing strip on his nose.
ANGEL 
Is Buffy home yet? 
ANDREW 
You guys, it's only 8:30. 
ANGEL 
Right. 
SPIKE 
Yeah. 
ANGEL 
Do you know where they went?
Cut to:
12 INT. WESLEY'S OFFICE - DAY 
Roger and Trish Burkle walk into Wesley's office and look around, admiring 
it.
ROGER BURKLE 
Gotta say this is a step up from where you boys used to hang your 
hat. 
TRISH BURKLE 
Ooh, a couple of steps. 
WESLEY 
(closes the office door) 
Yes, we— 
ROGER BURKLE 
Uh, you know, we didn't wanna say anything, but we were a little worried 
about that old hotel. 
TRISH BURKLE 
Seemed a little run-down. 
ROGER BURKLE 
But Fred called it home, so we just kept our mouths shut. 
TRISH BURKLE 
Girl reaches a certain age, she's earned the right to make her own 
decisions. 
ROGER BURKLE 
Which with Fred was around 7, wasn't it?
(Mrs. Burkle laughs)
WESLEY 
Mr. and Mrs. Burkle— 
TRISH BURKLE 
Please. 
ROGER BURKLE 
Roger and Trish. 
TRISH BURKLE 
The way she goes on about y'all, well, it feels like we're practically 
family. 
ROGER BURKLE 
So where is that prodigal daughter—out saving the world with 
that nice Angel fella? 
WESLEEY 
Roger, Trish. There's something you need to know.
(takes a deep breath) 
Fred— 
FRED 
Mom?

Fred is standing in the doorway to Wesley's office, looking very human 
and normal. 
 
ROGER BURKLE 
Well! There she is now. 
FRED 
Dad! Oh, my God. What are y'all doing here?
(runs to hug her parents)
ROGER BURKLE 
Sweetie. 
TRISH BURKLE 
Sight for sore eyes. 
ROGER BURKLE 
Oh, you look great!
Wesley stares incredulously.

Cut to:
13 INT. DANCE CLUB IN ITALY - NIGHT 
In a night club, dance music plays loudly as Spike and Angel make their 
way through the crowd toward the bar.
ANGEL 
Dancing. Why'd it have to be dancing? 
SPIKE 
(to the sexy female bartender) 
You speak English, luv? 
BARTENDER 
Si, si. I love the English. 
SPIKE 
We'll get along fine, then. 
ANGEL 
We're looking for a girl. American. Blond hair. Blue eyes. 
BARTENDER 
Many blond American coeducationals. Spring break? The girls, they 
go wild. 
ANGEL 
No, no. We-we're looking for a friend of ours. 
SPIKE 
She's in trouble. This ponce called The Immortal is— 
BARTENDER 
Ah, si. Si. The Immortal's new ragazza. They come, while ago.
(gestures to the crowd) 
There.
(Angel and Spike turn to look; a blonde is dancing in the middle of 
the crowd) 
Your friend maybe go a little wild, too, si? 
SPIKE 
Right. Hold down the fort. I'll be right back.
(walks away toward the dancing crowd)
ANGEL 
Huh?
(follows Spike) 
Oh, yeah, here it comes. The part where you run off alone and play 
the big hero so Buffy'll take you back. Well, newsflash, blondie bear: 
Never gonna happen. 
SPIKE 
Look! I know I don't have a shot with her, all right? Probably never 
did, but I still care about her, and I'm not gonna let her end up 
with a jerk like The Immortal. Or you. 
ANGEL 
Hey, ours is a forever love. 
SPIKE 
(scoffs) 
I had a relationship with her, too. 
ANGEL 
OK, sleeping together is not a relationship. 
SPIKE 
It is if you do it enough times. 
ANGEL 
Spike. 
SPIKE 
What? 
ANGEL 
The head. 
SPIKE 
I thought you had it.
(they look back at the bar to see the butler from the house where 
they picked up the head carrying the bag away) 
Hey!
(chases the butler; puts his hand on the butler's shoulder) 
Where you think you're going with our head, Jeeves? 
VOICE FROM BEHIND 
Anywhere he wants.
Angel and Spike turn to see several large, bulky muscle-men standing 
behind them.
 
ANGEL 
Don't suppose we can talk about this over a nice amaretto?

One of the men punches Angel.

Fade to black.

ACT III:
14 INT. DANCE CLUB IN ITALY - NIGHT 
Resume. Muscle-men just started a fight with Angel and Spike while the butler 
steals their head. The fight is shown in slow motion while the song "Take 
Me in Your Arms" sung by Dean Martin plays over the scene.

SONG 
(performed by Dean Martin) 
Once upon a lovely time, 
Many million dreams ago, 
Once there was a man in love, dear,
Many million dreams ago. 
Once he thought he had a sweetheart, 
Then he broke the golden rule: 
Never take your love for granted. 
Wise men often play the fool. 
Now he'd like to say, "I'm sorry." 
Can't you see within his heart 
Without you, there's no tomorrow. 
Why should true love have to part?

A man punches Angel, and he staggers back. Spike 
jumps the man, knocking him down. Angel engages another man, punching 
him, while Spike kicks the man he tackled before. They continue 
to fight, exchanging punches. Angel grabs the man he's fighting 
and throws him headfirst into the wall. Spike punches his man 
in the face, shattering a display at the bar. Angel walks toward 
Spike, but Spike punches him in the face. When Spike stands and 
looks at whom he punched, he realizes it's Angel. Angel looks 
at Spike, wondering why he would hit him. Angel rubs his jaw, 
then gets an angry look on his face before returning Spike's punch. 
Spike looks angrily at Angel, and they both rear back to swing, 
punching each other in the face.

The scene plays at regular speed now.
 
ANGEL 
(getting up from the floor) 
What the hell are you doing? 
SPIKE 
(yelling) 
I was confused, ya git! It's very loud in here. 
ANGEL 
Where'd the little guy go?
Angel and Spike look around and see the butler walking out the door 
with their head. The butler sees them and gestures with his fingertips 
off of his chin before exiting the club. Spike and Angel rush after him.

Cut to:
15 EXT. DANCE CLUB IN ITALY - NIGHT 
Spike and Angel walk out of the club and look around, but there's no sign 
of the butler.
SPIKE 
Where'd he go?
A car screeches as it rushes past them, nearly running them down.
 
ANGEL 
(scrambles back to his feet) 
Hey!
(watches the car drive away) 
That's our car. He's got our car.
Spike grabs a nearby motor scooter, starts it, and revs the engine.
 
SPIKE 
(pulls the bike up to Angel) 
Hop on, little mama. 
ANGEL 
I'm not ridin' on the back. 
SPIKE 
He's getting away.
Angel steps over the bike, sits behind Spike, and puts his arms around 
Spike's waist. They drive off after the car on the motor scooter.

Cut to:
16 EXT. STREETS OF ROME - NIGHT 
The car speeds through the streets of the old city. Angel and Spike aren't 
too far behind. 
ANGEL 
Faster! Come on, punch it! 
SPIKE 
Stop holding on so tight.
The butler drives the car down an alley and the tires screech. A random 
person pulls out in front of him on a motor scooter, and the butler has 
to swerve to miss him. Angel and Spike almost catch up to him, when he 
turns a corner. 
 
ANGEL 
Shortcut. Turn right. 
SPIKE 
Let go of me. 
ANGEL 
Turn left, turn left. We'll cut him off. 
SPIKE 
All right, already!
Spike and Angel have headed the butler off and are now facing him 
head on. The butler pauses a moment, then drives the car into their motor 
scooter, knocking them off and destroying the scooter. 
SPIKE 
Son of a—
(angry muttering)
ANGEL 
(kicks the debris) 
One job, you know. Hang onto the head. That's it. 
SPIKE 
You were right there, too. 
ANGEL 
I wasn't in charge of the head. 
SPIKE 
Well, it's gone now, isn't it? You gonna stand here in the strada 
yelling at me all night? 
ANGEL 
Did you just say strada? 
SPIKE 
It means street. 
ANGEL 
Yeah. I know what it means. 
SPIKE 
We only have 12 hours to get that head back before Los Angeles becomes 
a demon war zone. Should we argue some more, or should we get on with 
it? 
ANGEL 
Ah, all right. You know, you're right. No more screwing around. We 
find that guy, we get the head back, and then we get the hell outta 
here. That's it.
Cut to:
17 INT. DANCE CLUB IN ITALY - NIGHT 
Angel and Spike are back at the dance club talking to the bartender.
ANGEL 
Have you seen the blond girl? 
SPIKE 
Buffy. Her name is Buffy. 
ANGEL 
She was just dancing with The Immortal. 
SPIKE 
Are they still here? Did they leave? 
BARTENDER 
Relax-a, relax. It's OK. 
SPIKE 
They're still here? 
BARTENDER 
No, no. They're gone. But you must relax. I pour you some wine. 
ANGEL 
Oh, he's got her, Spike. He's got Buffy. Why is this always happening 
to us? 
SPIKE 
It's him. The Immortal. This is what he does. Every time he shows 
up, I either lose my girl, get beaten by an angry mob, or get thrown 
in prison for tax evasion. Long story. 
ANGEL 
Well, you know what? It's different now. We're different. 
SPIKE 
Hey, damn right we are. We're not gonna be his Shemps anymore. 
ANGEL 
No way, man. I mean, we're just out of our element. 
SPIKE 
If this was L.A., We'd have him hog-tied by now. 
ANGEL 
If we had our resources, if we had our team, if we had our helicopters 
or—he'd be in a world of— 
SPIKE 
Hang on. Doesn't Wolfram & Hart have an office here in Rome?
Cut to:
18 INT. LOBBY OF WOLFRAM & HART'S ROME OFFICE - NIGHT 
The elevator bell dings and Angel and Spike step off the elevator into a 
lobby that looks identical to the L.A. branch's lobby. 
ANGEL 
(looking around) 
Huh.
The office is busy at night, full of people chatting away in Italian. 
A woman walks through the lobby toward them. She's wearing a low-cut, 
tight, slinky sundress.
WOMAN 
(talking in a very animated way) 
Ciao! Benvenuti! Welcome! Ah, Spike.
(kisses Spike on both cheeks) 
Ha ha ha. Oh! You are the very meaning of handsome. You take my breath 
away. Ah, I have no breath. Ha ha ha!
(kisses Angel on both cheeks) 
And you, what an honor. The great Angelus. 
ANGEL 
Actually, it's just Angel. 
WOMAN 
Ah, yes, of course. The gypsies, they gave you your soul. The gypsies 
are filthy people!
(spits) 
And we shall speak of them no more. I am Ilona Costa Bianchi. I'm 
the CEO of the Roman offices of Wolfram e Hart. And please, we are 
at your disposal. Whatever it is that you want, we give to you. If 
you want the world, we give you the world. We give you 2 worlds, in 
fact, because this is our way. 
ANGEL 
OK. 
SPIKE 
Good. Yeah. 
WOMAN / ILONA 
Now, let's go in my office, and we talk like adults, eh? Come.
(turns toward her office) 
Pietro. 
PIETRO 
(sitting at the receptionist's desk) 
Si, signora. 
ILONA 
(speaking Italian rapidly) 
Vai un circare un caffe e dolce qual checosa di mangiare.
PIETRO 
Per chino, signora. Andiamo. Subito.
SPIKE 
(Angel and Spike hesitate to follow her, but do) 
She seems nice.
Cut to:
19 INT. SCIENCE LAB - DAY 
Fred escorts her father into the science lab. Fred's mom is behind them, 
holding onto Wesley's arm. 
ROGER BURKLE 
I gotta tell ya. Everyone is so dang friendly. I can't get over it. 

FRED 
Well, they kinda have to be, daddy. I'm their boss. If they're mean 
to you, I'll just fire 'em. 
TRISH BURKLE 
Have we not seen each other since I ran over that bug demon with the 
bus? How is that even possible? 
WESLEY 
Things have been a bit hectic these last couple...years. 
TRISH BURKLE 
Well, I want to hear absolutely everything, but most importantly, 
have you got a young lady in your life? 
FRED 
Mom! 
TRISH BURKLE 
What? I was just asking. Well, can I help it if there's a perfect 
gentleman hiding in plain sight of my single daughter? 
FRED 
Dad, make her stop. 
ROGER BURKLE 
Knock it off, big mouth. 
TRISH BURKLE 
(to Wesley) He keeps talking to me like that, I'm gonna keep you for 
myself. 
ROGER BURKLE 
Uh, is this whole laboratory yours, honey? 
FRED 
Well, technically, it's the company's, but... yeah. I'm in charge 
of it. Wanna see my office? 
ROGER BURKLE 
That's it up there?
(to Trish) Come on, baby. 
TRISH BURKLE 
Well! 
WESLEY 
(grabs Fred's arm, whispers angrily) 
What the hell are you doing? 
FRED 
Visiting with my folks. 
WESLEY 
Illyria— 
ILLYRIA as FRED 
(in a lower voice, as Illyria) 
Your grief hangs off of you like rotted flesh. I couldn't tolerate 
it from them as well. I thought this would be more convenient. 
WESLEY 
How's it possible? 
ILLYRIA as FRED 
(in a lower voice, as Illyria) 
It's a simple modulation of my form. I appear as I choose.
(cocks her head, looks closely at Wesley) 
Do you wish me to stop? 
TRISH BURKLE 
(steps out of the office) 
Sweetie, you have got to do a better job decorating. This office is 
as bare as a bone.
(notices the tension between "Fred" and Wesley, puts her 
hands on her hips) 
Is everything OK? 
WESLEY 
Everything's fine. 
ILLYRIA as FRED 
(chipper, as Fred) 
Absotively.
Cut to:
20 INT. ILONA COSTA BIANCHI'S OFFICE - NIGHT 
Ilona's office is where Angel's would be, but it's decorated very differently. 
There are lots of paintings of religious and secular material that appear 
to have been created by masters of the Italian renaissance and baroque periods. 
Pietro lights a cigarette for Ilona, and she smokes it through a long detachable 
filter.
ILONA 
Please, make yourselves as though you were at home. Your problems, 
they are no more. You have no more problems.
(shrugs, chuckles) 
What are your problems? 
ANGEL 
Our friend, she's under some sort of spell... 
SPIKE 
Cast by the vilest wretch this side of Mount Everest. Which... I'm 
told he has climbed... several times. 
ANGEL 
Look, he goes by the name of The Immortal. 
ILONA 
Ah, The Immortal. Ah. Then your friend is lucky. Ha ha. I have had 
dealings with The Immortal many times, and I must say that the outcome 
is always... most satisfactory. 
SPIKE 
He's got her trapped. 
ANGEL 
It's a love spell, and we— 
ILONA 
It's doubtful. The Immortal doesn't use spells. He considers them 
dirty. Dirty tricks for dirty people. Like gypsies.
(spits) 
We will speak of them no more. 
SPIKE 
Well, he's done something magic to her. 
ANGEL 
We need to do some research. Look, don't you guys have, like, an Italian 
Wesley here? 
ILONA 
Yes. Yes, we have, but he's taking a nap. And I do not need him to 
tell me what is already widely known, that The Immortal does not use 
magic. 
SPIKE 
Then it must be somethin' else. 
ANGEL 
Look, we need to know everything there is to know about him. We need— 

ILONA 
To keep your head. Ha ha! Yes. We know all about your mission to retrieve 
the Capo di Famiglia. And I have to say, right now it seems a bit 
more important than trying to pry your friend off of The Immortal. 
Your head is in great danger.
(walks to her desk) 
We have already received a ransom note. It was addressed to you via 
our offices.
(unfolds a piece of paper) 
I took the liberty of sneaking a peek.
(hands the paper to Angel, who seems annoyed) 
We must hurry because the drop is about to take place in less than 
one hour. 
ANGEL 
All right. We're gonna need a chase helicopter, assault team... 
SPIKE 
And guns. Lots and lots of guns. 
ILONA 
No, no, no, no! No, no.
(squeezes their cheeks) 
The two of you are so precious. But no! This is a civilized country. 
We do these things all the time. Somebody gets kidnapped, somebody 
pays the money. Everybody goes home happy. Grazie. Prego. Kiss-kiss. 
We already have the money ready to go.
(gestures to Pietro, who opens a briefcase full of Euros) 
Eh. Huh? 
ANGEL 
(Angel and Spike look at each other and sigh) 
All right. Fine. Whatever. We'll do it your way. 
SPIKE 
(sighs) 
Who's making the drop?
Cut to:
21 EXT. STREET IN ROME - NIGHT 
Angel and Spike are standing in the middle of a piazza at night, waiting.
ANGEL 
I helped save the world, you know. 
SPIKE 
Like I haven't. 
ANGEL 
Yeah, but I've done it a lot more. 
SPIKE 
Oh, please. 
ANGEL 
I closed the hellmouth. 
SPIKE 
I've done that. 
ANGEL 
Yeah, you wore a necklace. You know, I helped kill the mayor and, 
uh, and Jasmine and— 
SPIKE 
Do those really count as savin' the world? 
ANGEL 
I stopped Acathla. That saved the world. 
SPIKE 
Buffy ran you through with a sword. 
ANGEL 
Yeah, but I made her do it. I signaled her with my eyes. 
SPIKE 
She killed you. I helped her!
(points) 
That one counts as mine. 
ANGEL 
My point is I'm better than this. OK? We're better than this. What 
the hell could Buffy see in him? 
DEMON BUTLER 
(stepping out of a nearby car, speaking in an Italian accent) 
Perhaps she likes the cut of his trousers.
Other men get out of the car after the Butler. They surround Angel 
and Spike. 

Cut to:
22 INT. LOBBY OF WOLFRAM & HART - DAY 
Roger Burkle presses the down button to call the elevator. Trish is standing 
with him. They turn to face Wesley and Fred. 
TRISH BURKLE 
Sorry to just drop in on you like this unannounced. 
ILLYRIA as FRED 
Are you kidding me? I'm just sad y'all can't stay longer. 
ROGER BURKLE 
Well, the beach is callin'. 
TRISH BURKLE 
Wesley. You take care of our little Fred for us. OK? 
WESLEY 
Of course. 
TRISH BURKLE 
(hugs Fred) 
Ohhh. I miss you already, and we haven't even gone yet.
(sighs, looks her in the face) 
You sure you're OK? You seem different somehow. 
ROGER BURKLE 
Oh, she's just growin' up, mother. Let her go. You're gonna embarrass 
her in front of her employees. 
ILLYRIA as FRED 
Stop it, daddy, and come here. Give me a hug.
(hugs them both) 
I love you guys so much. 
TRISH BURKLE 
Oh, we love you, too. 
ROGER BURKLE 
We'll talk soon. OK? 
ILLYRIA as FRED 
Countin' on it.
Wesley and "Fred" wave good-bye as Fred's parents get on 
the elevator.
WESLEY 
Did you get what you needed from that experience? 
ILLYRIA as FRED 
(in a low voice, as Illyria) 
Yes. It was most informative. 
WESLEY 
Good. Don't ever do it again.
(walks to his office)
Illyria glares at him as he leaves.

Cut to:
23 EXT. STREET IN ROME - NIGHT 
The demon's cronies are in a circle surrounding Angel and Spike. The demon 
butler circles the two of them, talking, holding the bowling ball bag that 
the head's in.
DEMON BUTLER 
You must be so lonely. Your girlfriend has become lovers with The 
Immortal. How unfortunate for you. And how fortunate for her. 
ANGEL 
(scoffs) 
You know The Immortal? 
DEMON BUTLER 
But of course. 
ANGEL 
Ha! I knew it. None of this is a coincidence. 
SPIKE 
Been his plan all along. Steal our head, keep us busy, and traipse 
off with my girl.
(Angel gives him a look) 
Our girl. 
ANGEL 
It's a setup. You're just his lackey. 
DEMON BUTLER 
I should be so lucky. The Immortal does not need men like me to do 
his business. He is a wild card, a wolf removed from the pack, a stallion 
without, uh, the bridle. 
SPIKE 
(sarcastically) 
What, are you in love with him? 
DEMON BUTLER 
No, no, no, no. Well, OK, yes. But if anything, he's more of a, uh, 
inspiration, a spiritual guide. Have you read his book? It's a life 
changer. 
ANGEL 
(whispers to Spike) 
I'm gettin' a little tired of Italy. 
SPIKE 
Know what you mean.
Angel and Spike start fighting the men surrounding them.
DEMON BUTLER 
Oh, look. The Americans are relying on violence to solve their problems. 
What a surprise.
(as the fight ensues, the demon throws the bag into the air) 
Whoo!
Angel tries to keep his eye on the bag, but another man catches it 
and swings the bag at Angel, hitting him in the face. The men keep playing 
a massive game of "keep away" with the bag, throwing it through 
the air to someone else anytime Angel or Spike get close to it. 
DEMON BUTLER
(catches the bag) 
OK. No more games!
(pulls out a gun and aims it at the bag) 
(everyone stops fighting, but then Angel elbows a man behind him, 
getting in one final blow) 
One more step, and the head gets it, hey? We are not animals. We are 
italiano. You give us the money, we give you the head.
(Angel and Spike don't move; they just stare) 
You give us the money, we give you the head.
(Angel and Spike stare) 
The money, the head. The money— 
ANGEL 
Yeah. We get it.
(hits Spike) 
Money.
Spike gets the money and walks toward the demon.
SPIKE 
(holds out the money, but pulls it back) 
Hey.
(they switch bags at the same time)
DEMON BUTLER 
Arrivederci, americanos. It was a pleasure to do the business with 
you.
(chuckles; he and his men leave)
SPIKE 
Don't believe him for a second. The Immortal's neck-deep in all of 
this. 
ANGEL 
'Course he is. He's screwin' us. He's screwed us before, and he's 
screwin' us now. 
SPIKE 
Yeah. Every time we hear his bleeding name, we end up standin' in 
the strada holdin' the bag.
Spike unzips the bag to look inside, and instead of the head, a ticking 
bomb is inside, counting down in seconds from 0:05 — 0:04 — 
0:03 — 0:02 — 0:01.

Fade to black.

ACT IV:
24 EXT. STREET IN ROME - NIGHT 
Angel and Spike are looking around at the fiery debris from the explosion 
that litters the street.
SPIKE 
Civilized country? Look what that squeaker did to my jacket. 
ANGEL 
After everything we've been through, you're pissed about a jacket. 

SPIKE 
No, not a jacket. My jacket. You have no idea what I went through 
to get this. 
ANGEL 
You stripped it off a body of a dead slayer. 
SPIKE 
Well, which gives it great sentimental value. Besides, I've been wearin' 
it for over 30 years. It's like a part of me. 
ANGEL 
Get over it. Buy a new one. 
SPIKE 
It's my second skin. It's who I am. It's just one more thing he's 
taken away that I'll never get back.
Cut to:
25 INT. ILONA COSTA BIANCHI'S OFFICE - NIGHT 
Ilona helps Spike put on a new black leather duster just like his old one. 

SPIKE 
(admiring the new coat) 
Yeah! This is good. 
ILONA 
(petting Spike's shoulders and chest) 
I'm glad you like, because I sent another 10 of them to Los Angeles 
for you along with a fine assortment of shoes.
Angel walks in wearing a waist-length white, red, and black leather 
motorcycle jacket. He's not quite as pleased with it as Spike is with 
his.
ILONA 
(gasps) 
You! Guarda! Come sei bello! Sei bellissimo! 
(speaks Italian) 
Bellissimo! You look gorgeous! Oh! 
ANGEL 
You know, I'm not sure this is me. 
ILONA 
No, no, no, no, no. This is the latest style. You will define handsome 
for years to come. Ha ha ha! Now, what happened to the drop? No grazie, 
prego, kiss-kiss? 
ANGEL 
Grazie, prego, ka-boom. 
ILONA 
Ohh! Oh, they always do this to first-timers in this country. Did 
I not mention that? 
ANGEL 
(unzips his jacket angrily) 
That's it. Call up the helicopters. 
SPIKE 
And the assault team. 
ANGEL 
We're gettin' our head back. 
ILONA 
No, no, no. I love the two of you so much, but brute force will only 
get your precious head smooshed. You have done such fine quality work. 
 
(escorts them to the door) 
Now, please, relax. Let us handle it from here.
(walks them out of her office) 
Sometimes you have to put your fate in a higher power. 
ANGEL 
We're heroes. We don't need any higher power. 
ILONA 
I'll be in touch.
(closes the doors to her office)
ANGEL 
We make our own fate.
(the doors click shut) 
We don't need anybody cleaning up our mess. You know, we're champions! 
 
(Spike pounds on the door; Angel tries to open it, but it's locked) 
Got this under control.
(pounding on door) 
You know, we're just gonna— We're—
(leans against the door and sighs) 
Should we just go home?
SPIKE
(sighs) 
Oh, God, yes.
(they walk to the elevators) 
Couldn't get me out of this rat hole of a country fast enough.
Cut to:
26 INT. APARTMENT IN ROME - NIGHT 
Andrew opens the apartment door once again to see Angel and Spike standing 
there.
ANGEL 
Is Buffy back yet? 
ANDREW 
(his hair is wet and he's wearing a bathrobe, holding a towel) 
Sorry. Not yet. You guys can hang if you want. I'm just heading out. 
 
(Angel and Spike walk in; turns to Angel) 
Oh. Hey. Nice jacket. 
ANGEL 
(closes the door behind him) 
It's the latest style. 
SPIKE 
Andrew. Has Buffy been acting off? Like The Immortal's got her under 
a spell of sorts? 
ANDREW 
Excellent question. No.
(walks back to the bathroom, off screen)
ANGEL 
Could it be mind control? 
SPIKE 
Or a love potion? Did she drink a love potion? 
ANDREW (O.S.) 
Dude, seriously, I thought of all those things, but turns out Buffy 
fell for The Immortal on her own, and—and now she's happy. That's 
it. 
ANGEL 
But she's not finished baking yet.
(ranting) 
I gotta wait till she's done baking, you know, till she finds herself, 
'cause that's the drill. Fine. I'm waitin' patiently, and meanwhile, 
The Immortal's eatin' cookie dough!
(sighs, sits)
ANDREW (O.S.) 
Uh, Spike, is Angel crying? 
SPIKE 
(defensively) 
No!
(looks at Angel, who's holding his head in his hands, rubbing his 
eyes) 
Not yet. 
ANDREW (O.S.) 
May want to hold the waterworks, big guy. The Immortal's cool and 
all, but he ain't all that. He's got his flaws. 
ANGEL 
(stands) 
Really? 
SPIKE 
Wh-what are they? 
ANDREW (O.S.) 
(sighs, exasperated) 
Ohhh. The point is she's moving on. You guys do the same, and you 
might catch her one day. One of you, anyway. But you keep running 
in place, you're gonna find she's long gone. 
SPIKE 
(to Angel) It is a bit silly. Us... chasin' around like a couple of 
henpecked teenagers. 
ANDREW (O.S.) 
Buffy loves both of you, but she's gotta live her life. People change.
Andrew walks out from the bathroom, now wearing a tuxedo and a sophisticated 
hairstyle.
ANDREW 
You guys should try it sometime.
(there's a knock on door; answers it to find two beautiful women on 
the other side) 
Ah, Caprice, se bella come la notte.
(kisses the blonde on both cheeks) 
E tu, Isabella...
(kisses the brunette on both cheeks) 
superi perfino le stelle.
(turns to Angel and Spike) 
Ciao.
(exits and closes the door)
SPIKE 
Well... maybe it's time we— 
ANGEL 
Yeah.
They leave.

Cut to:
27 INT. WESLEY'S OFFICE - NIGHT 
Wesley is sitting at his desk, staring off into space when Illyria walks 
in still dressed up as Fred.
ILLYRIA as FRED 
(in Fred's voice) 
Wes? Are you, like... mad at me or something? 
WESLEY 
Stop it. 
ILLYRIA as FRED 
(in Illyria's voice) 
Isn't it what you desire?
(in Fred's voice) 
I mean... you love me, I love you. What's the big deal? 
WESLEY 
I loved her. 
ILLYRIA as FRED 
(in Illyria's voice) 
You loved this. And part of you still does. I can feel it in you. 
 
(walks closer to Wesley) 
I... wish to explore it further. 
WESLEY 
(stands, faces her) 
Never. You... like this. It sickens me. 
ILLYRIA as FRED 
(in Fred's voice) 
Oh, lord. We both know that ain't true.
(smiles, walks closer to him)
WESLEY 
(leans away) 
Stop it!
(avoids looking at her) 
Change back. Be blue. Be anything. Don't be her.
(walks toward the door) 
Don't ever be her.
(walks out)
ILLYRIA 
(leans her head back, transforms back into Illyria's blue form) 
As you wish.
Cut to:
28 INT. LOBBY OF WOLFRAM & HART - DAY 
Gunn signs a document on a clipboard as Angel and Spike walk off the elevator.
GUNN 
(to the assistant) Thanks. 
ANGEL 
Gunn. We lost the head. Start preparing the troops for war. 
GUNN 
Head's in your office. 
ANGEL 
What? 
GUNN 
It's on your desk.
Gunn walks away.

Cut to:
29 INT. ANGEL'S OFFICE - DAY 
The bowling ball bag containing the head is sitting on Angel's desk with 
a little folded note tied to it with ribbon. Angel and Spike walk up to 
it. Angel pulls the note out of its envelope and reads it.
ANGEL 
"With regards, The Immortal."
(angrily rips the note into tiny shreds) 
You know, I really hate that guy! 
SPIKE 
What's Buffy thinking? H-honestly? 
ANGEL 
She doesn't exactly have the best taste in men. Case in point.
(looks at Spike)
SPIKE 
H-hey! I think I turned out all right. 
ANGEL 
Yeah. Once she got through with you. 
SPIKE 
I wasn't the one livin' in alleys, rubbin' rat filth all over my face. 
If we're talkin' projects, you're the Sistine Chapel. 
ANGEL 
I wasn't a project. 
SPIKE 
Well, neither was I.
(Angel sighs, sits on the edge of his desk) 
Can't we just... lock her away in a box where no one can ever touch 
her? You know? Like we did with Pavayne? 
ANGEL 
(crosses his arms, thinks a moment) 
I don't think she'd let us. Uh, she's pretty strong. 
SPIKE 
We could do a spell. Some sort of mind control. 
ANGEL 
Oh, she'd figure it out. You know, she's pretty smart. 
SPIKE 
Yeah.
(sighs, sits on the edge of the desk by Angel) 
So, what? We just have to live with it? Get on with our lives? 
ANGEL 
'Fraid so. 
SPIKE 
(sighs) 
Fine.
(sniffles) 
No problem. I was plannin' on doin' that anyway. 
ANGEL 
Yeah, me, too. 
SPIKE 
Actually, I'm doin' it right now. As we speak, I'm movin' on.
The camera pans out to a wider shot.
ANGEL 
Movin' on. 
SPIKE 
Oh, yeah.
The camera pans out to an even wider shot of Angel and Spike sitting 
next to each other in the big, empty office.
 
ANGEL 
Right now. 
SPIKE 
Movin'.
Fade to black.

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